JOHN: TRY TO UNDERSTAND
by MLP Mike
Summary: Almost immediately after entering SBURB, John is taken by Vriska on a dangerous mission to kill Jack Noir. What follows is a twisting tale of sloppy rescue missions, brain washed brothers, alien prom rituals, romantic confusion, alternate dimensions, and time travel shenanigans. Needless to say, John has a hard time keeping it all straight in his head. (non-canon)
1. ACT 1 - PART 1

**Chapter One**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. You feel the wind tug and pull at the skin on your face and you resist the urge to squeeze your eyes shut behind your glasses. In the future you would come to appreciate the wind and its invisible power, but for the time being, it's really a little more than irritating

Maybe you're being a little too harsh on the elements. Maybe the real reason for your subtle aggravation is really your situation as a whole. You are currently perched precariously on the back of a rocket car built for one, clinging somewhat desperately to the back of an alien chick's t-shirt.

Yes, that's right: rocket cars and alien chicks. This is your life now.

It's hard to imagine that all of this started scant hours ago when you decided to play a video game with your best friends. Heck, you don't know what is more disturbing in your opinion: the fact that all of this is happening or that you're oddly accepting of it all.

You guess it's a testament to your upbringing that you don't curl up in a ball somewhere and cry until you wake up to hopefully find that everything has been some crazy, trauma-induced fever dream.

_Rose would sure get a kick out of that. _You think.

Instantly a tiny voice, which sounds remarkably like your friend, starts to chatter rapidly in your ear.

"_Trauma-induced fever dream? Really, John? Are you insinuating that there might be hidden fragments of memory being repressed by your subconscious, incubating in the recesses of your brain and eventually giving birth to vivid hallucinations? You should tell me more about this dream you're having. It's possible I could help you to unlock the inner workings of your mind and bring to light any hidden 'trauma'. There's a book in my possession which could have some notes pertaining to the subject of blah blah blah…"_

Goodness, even imaginary Rose is jumping at the chance to peel apart your mind like a fresh orange and tear into the juicy fruit that is your inner thoughts. Dave would have been proud of that metaphor. With a little more irony you might even give him a run for his money one of these days. You doubt it though. Dave is simply the best there is and that's all there really is to say on the matter

You're getting sidetracked. The alien chick is shouting something to you over her shoulder, but you're having trouble hearing over the wind. You open your mouth to ask her to repeat herself, but suddenly there is a loud _whooshing_ noise, an explosion, and then you are falling.

If your eyes weren't frozen wide open, you would have shut them now with no complaints. However, as mentioned prior, your eyes are indeed open wide. You see a flash of blue, then black, then blue again, and then with a hard slap, you are engulfed in a sea of black.

For a moment you think that you've gone blind, until you realize that you've literally been "engulfed in a sea of black". Bitter oil floods into your open mouth and you choke, clawing your way to the surface. Your head explodes back into open air and you wash down the oil with greedy gulps of air.

The alien chick is nowhere to be seen, but there's no time to worry about that now. A glance skywards shows you that the remains of your rocket car is twirling down towards you in a ball of yellow flame. You have enough brain processing power to realize that floating in a lake of oil is not a good place to be with a fireball quickly closing in.

Twisting quickly, you spot the closest spot of dry land and furiously begin flailing your way towards it. The oil is thick like syrup and you find that it is much harder to swim in than water; paired with your panicked, nonsensical thrashing it's nearly impossible.

Your father had given you swimming lessons once. You remember him taking you down to the neighborhood pool and trying to coax you into the deep end. To a small child the idea was mind numbing. The bottom of the pool seemed indefinitely far. You would surely die if you set so much as one foot into the water.

Even though that was years ago, you still remember being scared and wanting to give up. You remember crying and your father finally giving a single nod before taking you home.

You regret not trying harder then. If you had learned to swim you wouldn't be in such mortal peril right now. The thoughts of your dad aren't helping either. You wonder when you will see him again.

You're almost resigned to being burned alive in your own pitch black, soup-o-death, when suddenly a rough hand grabs the collar of your shirt and hauls you forward.

"Stop thrashing around like a blind wriggler, jackass." A harsh voice hisses in your ear. "You're making this much harder than it has to be."

You go limp and allow yourself to be flung unceremoniously onto the bank. You don't need to look up to see who your rescuer is. You already know it's your female non-terrestrial companion.

A loud _crash_ signifies that the ruined rocket car has hit the oil and a wave of heat washes over you. You crawl a few feet further away from the shore so you stay thoroughly un-singed, and collapse in a heap. The Land of Wind and Shade wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't mostly composed of a highly flammable liquid.

You're more than prepared to just rest for a while, but the rough hands are on you again, dragging you to your feet.

"Come on, we can't stay here."

You groan and stagger upright, fully regarding your travel partner. She's nice enough, you suppose, although a little on the bossy side. Her skin is a dull grey, and two candy-corn horns protrude from her tangled mass of long, dark hair. One of the horns is shaped like some kind of stinger, while the other one resembles a can opener. Both look dangerously sharp. Her eyes are both yellow with blue irises, which is already weird by human standards, but with the added plus of the left one having a total of seven pupils. It's gross, in a cool sort of way.

"Are you done gawking at me yet?" Vriska Serket snarls and grabs you by the elbow none too gently. "I told you that we need to go."

"What was that?" You splutter as you stubble after her. "Why did we crash?"

"We're being attacked, some of Jack's cronies no doubt. We can't be caught out in the open like this. We need shelter."

She's talking fast, like she's speaking whatever comes to her mind. It takes a moment for you to realize that she is nervous. That, more than anything else, terrifies you. In the short time you've known Vriska you've never known her to be anything short of fearless, almost to the point of indifference to all the danger around her. You know things are serious when Vriska is taking it seriously.

As you dash across the open ground you throw a glance over your shoulder. The lake that the both of you landed in is an undulating wall of flames, reaching up with its smoky hand to touch the sky. You're glad it's a lake, if the ocean was set alight the whole world would burn. You have no idea what you would do if that happened.

"_Probably roll over and stick your paws in the air like an adorable puppy, but instead of being rewarded with a loving belly rub, you're being fried like meat patty on a grill in the middle of blah blah blah…."_

Turns out imaginary Dave isn't much better at being actual Dave, and then imaginary Rose is at being actual Rose. Not for the first time in a while, you wish that your friends were here. They would know what to do.

Vriska is pulling you towards the salamander village and you consider protesting. You have nothing against the villagers; it's just that if you are indeed in danger, it doesn't seem fair to drag the peaceful LOWAS inhabitants into the strife. You're about to recommend going elsewhere when something whizzes by your ear.

You turn and find three black imps advancing towards you. They're brandishing rifles and yelling at you with low, gravely voices.

"Stop in the name of the law!" Roared one imp, apparently the leader.

The hands are on you again and this time Vriska is shoving you to the ground, out of harm's way.

"Whose law should we be stopping for?" Vriska snaps as she puts herself in front of you. "You filthy bulge suckers!"

A few emotions flit through your brain: frustration that Vriska thinks you need to be protected, anger that these imps are shooting at you, and finally a third feeling that is hard to place. It's strong though and as you look up at Vriska standing before you, it fills your chest with warmth. Before you know what's happening, you're back on your feet.

You don't know if Vriska said "bulge suckers" as an insult or if that was actually what these imps were called, and frankly you don't care at the moment. Right now, they were just another obstacle in a long list of obstacles and you aren't about to let Vriska face them alone.

"Jack Noir," The first imp snarls. "We have been ordered to capture all humans."

_Capture all humans? _You repeat thoughtfully. _Jack Noir?_

It seems that the more things you find out, the less you understand. Karkat had told you in a previous conversation that Jack Noir had been their friend during their session. Why would Jack start working against them all the sudden?

You resolve to find answers to your questions soon enough. If the humans are being rounded up, then your friends are in danger and you have to warn them.

"Well you can tell Jack Noir to suck it!" Vriska suddenly lunges forward, her eight dice spinning from her fingertips towards the imps.

Your hammer is now in your hand, there is a flash of light, and then all of the imps are dead.

"What?" Is the first thing that comes that comes to mind, and also from your mouth.

"Oh sorry." Vriska chuckles. She's stepping over the dead imps and reclaiming her dice. "Were you looking to get in on the action?"

You put your hammer away somewhat sheepishly. You have to give Vriska some credit; she's truly a badass fighter/adventurer/everything.

A low moan draws your attention to one of the imps. One is still alive, albeit with a gaping hole where his stomach used to be.

"W- Water." The imp croaks feebly.

It's a weird request. In his position, you probably would have asked for a new stomach.

"I'm sorry, we don't have any…" The words die in your throat when the imp's head explodes.

You wipe off your glasses and look up to see Vriska smirking. Your chest fills once again with warmth. A different kind of warmth that is much easier to identify.

"What did you do that for?" You snap, surprising yourself just as much as her with the outburst.

"Uh…" Vriska pretends to contemplate, tapping a long nail against her chin. "Maybe because they tried to kidnap you?"

"He was hurt! He wasn't a threat anymore." You don't know why this is so important to you all of the sudden. You've killed dozens of imps in the past. But then again, you've never heard one speak before. Somehow that made them more human. It made everything more real. "What's wrong with you?" You demand.

"That's a good question, but one that would take simply too long to answer." She turns on her heel and strides away from you. She doesn't look back to see if you'll follow her. She already knows that you will.

You take one last look at the imp, frowning, and then jump up and race after Vriska.

"I'm sorry," You mumble at the back of her head. "It's just… maybe you didn't have to do that?"

"Do what?" She doesn't turn around.

"Kill him."

She simply shrugs and continues walking. You're about an inch taller than her, but for some reason you have to trot to keep up with her stride. You stare at the back of her head, trying to see through the unruly hair and into her head. It's impossible though, you were never good at reading people. That was Rose's thing.

_Rose._

You suddenly remember that you should contact your friends and tell them about the imps.

Your hand goes to your glasses and you tap a finger against the thick frame. A streak of violet flashes across your lenses and then Rose is speaking in your ear.

"John?" She answers.

"Hey Rose, where are you?" There's no point in wasting time on pleasantries. People are in danger.

"Still on LOLAR- where you left me when you went flying off with your new troll friend on a dangerous, and if I may say, fool-hardy mission."

You can hear the venom in her voice. She's mad that she got left behind.

"I'm sorry I cheezed it Rose, but Vriska says that the only way to finish this game is to beat Jack Noir and the faster we do that the better."

"But just the two of you? John, you may think that Vriska is powerful, but from what I've heard from the other trolls Jack Noir is almost unstoppable. You should wait until we can organize a more effective attack strategy."

Even though you're already struggling to keep up with Vriska, all the while trying not step in anymore oil puddles, you take a moment to squeeze the bridge of your nose between your thumb and index finger.

Rose isn't telling you anything you don't already know. You've repeatedly tried to convince Vriska to call off this assault, but she never listens. The alien warrior seems hell-bent on taking you to attack Jack Noir head on, regardless of whether or not you feel equipped enough to fight him.

"I knoooooww." You groan. "But Vriska won't listen. Look, this isn't the reason I called anyway. There's something you need to know."

You quickly inform Rose about crashing the rocket car and the subsequent attack/kidnapping attempt by the imps.

"Hmm, it seems that Jack's strategy to win this convoluted game of chess is to remove all of the pieces."

"But why not just kill us though? Why does he want us alive?"

"Your guess is about as good as mine. I will try to consult with the other trolls and procure an answer though."

"Okay, sounds good. In the meantime, stay hidden and be on the lookout for any imps, okay?"

"Understood, fearless leader."

"Rose, ugh. I'm not your leader, I'm your friend. There's a big difference."

You hear a slight giggle almost intelligible. If you hadn't been paying attention, it's likely you wouldn't have heard it.

"Statements such as that further qualify you as the leader."

You can _hear _her little smirk through the airwaves.

"Whatever. Listen, I got to go Rose. Promise me that you'll stay safe."

"I'll promise, on the condition that you agree to keep yourself out of harm's way as well. Rushing head-long into a battle is out of character for you, John. It's my opinion that Vriska is a bad influence on you. Just… don't let her bring you down."

Something about Rose's tone gets to you. It's not her usual sarcasm or cynical stoicism. You think she might be… concerned?

You don't know why you're so surprised by this. She is your friend after all. Maybe it's just nice to know that you're not the only one concerned with the safety of your friends?

Maybe it's nice to know that she's worried about you too.

"Uh, Thanks Rose. I guess."

"Consider it no trouble." There is a pregnant pause. "Shall I inform the rest of our party to be on the lookout?"

"That would actually be awesome." You look ahead at Vriska, who is still striding along confidently. As much as you would like to talk to Dave and Jade, you have other pressing matters. "I have other pressing matters," You tell Rose. "If you could please just make sure everyone gets the message."

"Understood, over and out."

The streak of violet flashes across your vision again and for a second you mourn its passing. For some unknown reason, you're smiling.

"Who was that? Was it _little miss perfect_?"

Vriska's voice wipes the stupid grin from your face and deflates your good mood. She's looking over her shoulder now, her brow knit, and her lip raised in a snarl. She looks pissed.

"Um… yes?" You're unsure what got her feathers all ruffled, causing your affirmation to come out more like a question.

"Oh, well what did she have to say about it?"

"Say about what?"

"About me killing that imp? Did she agree that I should be condemned to a life of remorse? Did she suggest that you put me in _time out_?"

"What are you talking about?" You're honestly confused. You had honestly forgotten about Vriska's violent act whilst conversing with Rose. In fact, you were prepared to drop the subject all together, considering Vriska's apparent lack of concern.

"I bet you both had a nice long talk about how evil I was, huh?" Vriska has come to a stop outside one of the salamander's homes and is now glaring at you with a fierce intensity. She continues to talk in a high pitched voice, most likely a poor imitation of Rose. "_Oh, mean old Vriska killed an imp, we should throw her in prison for the rest of her miserable life like the bluh bluh huge bitch she is_!"

You are completely stunned. Where the hell had this come from?

"For your information, I didn't even _tell_ her what you did back there. I understand that you don't really want anyone else to know about it."

"Pshhhhh." Vriska's lips flap with a heavy expulsion of air. "You think I give a shit whether or not people know I killed an _imp_? Everyone already knows I'm a ruthless bitch. You piss your little pants if you knew how many imps and trolls I've killed."

"You've killed trolls?"

It's very quiet now. There are no salamanders milling around the village, all doors and windows are shut, and it's just the two of you standing alone outside the house.

So Vriska's killed her fellow trolls. That's news to you. The murder of the imp was shocking, sure, but you could accept the fact that they were the enemy. Trolls though… trolls were like Karkat or Kanaya or Vriska. They were sort of your friends and the thought of any of them dying made your stomach churn, even Terezi who you probably like the least on account of her getting you killed earlier. It's a long story.

"Uh… who, um, who were they?" You resist the urge to look at your shoes. "The trolls, I mean, the ones you killed."

"No one you know." Vriska crosses her arms and steps over to the salamander home to lean against the wall. "This was before the game, back when there were a lot more of us."

You shove your hands in the pockets of your jeans and kick the ground idly. You guess the mission to kill Jack Noir isn't all that urgent if Vriska isn't opposed to just talking for a while. You have no objections. It seems important to Vriska that she talk about this. You doubt she has done so before.

"Why did you kill trolls?" You pretend to be uninterested, all the while thinking of what she might answer. "_Because it was fun, because I was bored, because of reasons…"_

"I had to feed my lusus." Is what she says instead.

"Your luscious?"

"No jackass, my lusus. The closest thing I can compare it to would probably be your adult male guardian."

"My dad? So your lusus is like your parent?"

"If that makes it easier to understand, sure, why not?" You watch Vriska pick at a loose string on her t-shirt and you realize that she is nervous again. "She was basically a huge spider that lived under my house. When I would go out FLARPing sometimes I would bring back prisoners and feed them to her. It was the only way to keep her happy."

You take a second to process information. Vriska wasn't so much a killer, you realize, but a servant to her "spider-mom" or whatever. You pick your next question carefully.

"Do you feel bad about it? Feeding the trolls to your loosish or whatever."

"Lusus, and… I don't know. Does it matter?"

You shrug, honestly you don't know if it matters or not. Troll culture is still a foreign concept to you, but from what you've learned so far Vriska wasn't doing anything wrong. In fact, by eliminating weaker trolls, she might have even been seen as some kind of paragon of virtue.

Like Batman, or Nic Cage in Con Air.

God, that movie is so sweet.

It takes a moment for you to realize that Vriska has started talking again.

"I mean, it was fun catching them and stuff, but afterwards… they all used to scream, you know? Like… I don't know, none of them just accepted it. No matter what they said or how loud they were, I just- Jegus why am I even telling you this…"

Vriska stiffens when you put your arms around her. You half expect her to break your nose, but she doesn't. It's kind of like hugging a piece of wood, a fence post or something equally awkward.

You've never really comforted anyone before. Sometimes Dave would pester you after a hard fight with his Bro, another loss, and you would tell him to just try and do his best next time. Sometimes you would stay up late, chatting with Rose and just listening as she described all the passive aggressive ploys her intoxicated mother pulled on her. And sometimes Jade would complain about how her grandpa never took her on his grand adventures.

But you've never _comforted_ anyone before. You've never held someone in your metaphorical hands, wielding the power to piece them back together or to leave them unfinished, broken like one of Dave's shitty swords.

You don't really have a plan, you never do. You just start talking.

"It's okay to feel bad about what you did." Somehow she gets more rigid. "It doesn't mean that your weak or stupid, or whatever. Sometimes being strong isn't about how nonchalant you can be, it's about… accepting things and then… moving on. I don't think you're a huge bitch, Vriska. I think you feel kind of bad about yourself, and that's a good thing, I think. It means you're not evil… I think you're nice."

You finish awkwardly and step back from her even more awkwardly. You don't expect to have made much of an impact. As stated prior, you're flying blind here. Therefore, you're surprised to see that Vriska is crying.

"Oh- oh geez… Vriska, I'm sorry. Just…"

"You think I'm nice?" She wipes blue tears away from her eyes and gazes at you with an open uncertainty, as if you hold to power to make or break her in this single moment.

"Of course." You answer automatically. "You're cool."

You're surprised when she starts laughing. Her hands come to her mouth, ineffectively holding in a high pitched, shrieking cackle.

Your shoulders sag. For a second there you almost thought you had made some psychological breakthrough of such proportions that even Rose would have allowed you praise. Oh well, at least you tried.

"Oh damn," Vriska comes back to earth. "You are so bad at this."

"At what?" Your mind is now elsewhere.

"At this." She motions between the two of you with your hands quickly.

You are confused.

"I'm confused." You say. "What's '_this'_?"

Vriska heaves a great sigh, as if she's trying to explain something impossibly simple to someone impossibly stupid.

You let out a very unmanly screech when she lunges forward and grabs two great fistfuls of your shirt.

"This." She hisses and then smashes her lips against yours.

You're taken aback at first. Your eyes are open wide and your arms flail about feebly as if you're drowning once more, but instead of in a lake of oil, you are submerged in a frenzy of black hair, grey skin, and soft lips.

Her nails are still buried in your shirt and she is dragging your forwards, towards the salamander's house. She steps easily over the porch step, even though she is walking backwards. You stumble slightly over the step and Dave is suddenly in your head again.

"_I warned you about those stairs, bro. I told you, dog."_

You make the mistake of opening your mouth to laugh. Vriska takes this an invitation to slither her tongue in between your teeth and proceeds to beat your own tongue into submission.

You don't really know what to do. You doubt you could fight her off and you're not really sure that you want to. You glimpse the inside of the salamander home, a closet doors, a hall leading to a kitchen, a frightened group of salamanders sitting around a table, and then finally you're being shoved onto a couch.

It's smaller than your average sofa and made of some spongy material probably native to LOWAS. You resolve to investigate the furniture later when you aren't being mauled.

Vriska pins you beneath her and straddles your waist. She starts tearing at the buttons of your shirt.

"Uh, Vriska." You swallow and put your hands gingerly on her shoulders. "I don't think we should do this."

"Oh yeah?" She succeeds on unfastening the buttons and starts raking her sharp nails down your chest, leaving long red lines.

You shiver and press on, ever the gentleman.

"Well I mean…" You swallow again. Why is there so much spit in your mouth? "I don't think things would work out between us. Like, shouldn't we get to know each other first?"

"John, John, John…" She grabs the hem of her shirt and pulls it up over her head. You whimper quietly. "You're cute and all, but I wasn't thinking of anything quite so… permanent."

She descends upon you and your mind goes completely blank.

* * *

**This is just something I wrote randomly. It does not fit into the Homestuck story-line or anything. It's just for fun.  
If you have an opinion please share it :D comments and criticism are welcome. I may or may not continue this.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	2. ACT 1 - PART 2

**Chapter Two**

**Thanks to that random guest for reviewing**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too. John with his pubescent awkwardness was starting to get on your nerves.

You are currently in the Land of Heat and Clockwork, making your way slowly but surely towards this sweet looking temple situated above an ocean of bright, red lava. It's hot, like really hot. Like you could fry an egg on just about anything, even the sidewalk, if LOHAC had sidewalks.

Sweat is causing your shirt to stick to your back and slick palms make gripping your katana seem like a chore. You're _almost_ jealous of Jade for a second. (You say 'almost' because there's no one else you would rather be than Dave fucking Strider. You are simply the best there is and that's really all there is to say on the matter.) Jade was lucky enough to end up in the Land of Frost and Frogs and therefore isn't forced to contend with the sickening heat and non-stop clacking of gears.

There's an imp standing on the path leading up towards the temple. Without even blinking, you slice it in half.

Awesome.

It's a mistake to start thinking about Jade. The thought of her fills you with emotions and every cool dude knows that emotions are _not _cool. At least that's what Bro taught you… right?

You swish your sword again, this time at empty air, just enjoying the sound that comes from cutting the wind.

Another reason you shouldn't think about Jade is that: once you think about one friend, you think about all of them. Your sister, Rose, who was somewhere in the Land of Light and Rain, working with her new troll friend to unlock the secrets of SBURB and then John, who is probably dead.

You swing your sword again, this time harder. The wind complains with a high-pitched whistle as the steel cleaves it in two.

What was John thinking? Going off with that weird alien chick, like everything was fun, like everything was some big game. He should know better than to trust strangers, let alone female-strangers, let alone alien-female-strangers, let alone psychotic-alien-female-strangers.

Terezi's words race through your head once more.

_"__Hey cool kid, your friend and his new girlfriend are going off to fight Jack Noir. But listen up: they are going to fail… I know it's a lot to take in, but trust me, I'm a seer. I saw it happen. John and Vriska will not beat Jack Noir. Do you know what that means? It means that you'll have to do it. Hehe. But don't worry Dave, I'm going to help you!"_

John and Vriska destined to fail. You would never admit this to anyone, but if John died… You don't like to think about that.

What's worse is that now Terezi seems hell-bent on schooling you to be some ultra-god-mega-warrior, which would be cool and all, if only you weren't already an ultra-god-mega-warrior.

_"__But Terezi," _You had said. _"Do I really have to go through with this stupid Temple of Doom bullshit? Maybe instead, I can go help out Egbert? Maybe they'll succeed if I lend them my body, but in the non-sexual way. As in: I drop some ill beats as I raise my sweet katana and blast through Jack Noir like Scott Summers through a piece of ruby-quartz."_

Optic-Blast. Sweet.

_"__NO DAVE!" _Terezi shrieked in response. _"Then you'll end up all messed up too! We can't have that. Go to the temple, Dave, get awesome, and then we'll talk about fighting Jack, okay? There's nothing you can do to help your friend now."_

Her last sentence is what got to you the most.

_"__There's nothing you can do…"_

You call bullshit.

Jogging up the path towards the temple, your sword swishing lazily though the air, you make a promise to yourself: After you complete whatever nook-sniffing side quest Tz assigned to you, you are going to find your best friend and make sure he's okay.

_"__And if he isn't? What if you're too late?"_

_"__Shut the fuck up inner voice that every once and a while brings up my darkest fears!"_

_"… __Okay, sorry… geez."_

Up the path, through the front doors, and into the temple you go. It's all an angry red that would irritate the eyes of any normal fella. Thankfully you're protected behind your sweet panes of darkened, reflective glass. Also known as your shades.

They were a gift from John.

_"__Dammit man! You aren't supposed to be having emotions! What the hell is wrong with you?!"_

You make your way towards the center of the temple. You'd expected there to be some kind of resistance, maybe a few imps or goblins or something. However, the place is boringly empty.

There is a raised pedestal before you. On top there is a sword stuck in a smooth red stone, reminiscent of King Arthur or some other equally cliché' d piece of garbage.

_"__Is this what Tz wants me to do? Pull the sword out of the stone_. _Laaaame."_

You reach up and tap against your shades, a line of color (you guess Cyan? But who really cares about all the different shades of blue) ripples from the center of your lenses, drifting towards the outer edge. Soon enough, a high-pitched cackle fills your ears.

"Hey there, cool kid. Hehe." Terezi answers. "I was wondering when you would give me a call."

"Well you can cease your wondering. Like a shining knight in immaculate armor I have swept by on my sick-awesome chariot to sweep you off your feet and ask you a question."

"Ask away, fair knight."

Of course Terezi would latch onto that particular metaphor. When you two talk, it's either always about how good the color red is, or how much she likes to role-play. Every so often she'll toss in a prophecy about your best friend in the whole wide world biting the dust, but that's whatever.

"I'm at this temple, which more closely resembles the inside of an over-ripe tomato. There's this lame-ass-looking sword sticking out of the rock and I was wondering what I should do next."

"Well Dave, you're supposed to liberate the sword from its earthy prison." She sounds kind of annoyed. "I thought that seemed pretty self-explanatory."

"I just wanted to make sure." You're careful to toss in an extra note of deadpan to your voice, just to illustrate how little you care. "After I pull it out, then I become an ultra-mega-awesome-warrior?"

"An ultra-god-mega-warrior, Dave, and no there's one other thing you have to do after that."

"What?"

"You have to die! Hehehehehe!"

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are now Karkat Vantas. There's so much unbridled anger rolling around in your gut. It's like two ferrets wrestling over a third ferret, who is dead and the other two ferrets are trying to eat it.

The source of your blood-red fury would have to be Terezi's insistent cackling. You've never heard her laugh this much, which is saying something as she typically shrieks with joy at every little thing. You're one third annoyed and two thirds jealous.

_"__Dave fucking Strider and his stupid sunglasses and his stupid poker face."_

It's bad enough that Vriska has disappeared from your home base, running off on some suicide mission with the John Human, but now you have to deal with Terezi's blatant flirtations with another quarter of the humans numbers. It's almost too much to handle.

You gut twists a little bit more as you hear the lyrical voice of Kanaya as she pleasantly chatters away into her headset, talking to the Rose Human. You're slightly less annoyed by that, you can trust Kanaya to take care of business, to figure things out and get stuff done.

You can trust Vriska to screw everything up and you can trust Terezi to be so god damn cute that…

Another round of laughter fills the air and you shoot filthy eye-daggers in her direction. You gnash your teeth and grumble something that rhymes with "smider"

You push away from your computer, not caring that your chair falls over backwards from the force. Stalking over to Kanaya you step over a pile of Gamzee's honk-makers and tap her a little forcefully on the shoulder.

The song that is her voice comes to an abrupt halt and she turns her neck to set her deep green eyes upon you.

"Give me a moment." Kanaya speaks into her headset before taking it off and giving her hair one quick swipe. It falls perfectly around her ears and horns. "Something on your mind Karkat."

It's not a question.

"Just wanted to check on how the plan is progressing. Have you and the Rose Human worked something out?"

Kanaya nods and you notice a faint tinge of green around her cheeks as she speaks about the human girl.

"We have both come to the conclusion that the human's session is unbeatable, therefore it becomes plain that they must initiate the scratch in order to reset. Also it is imperative that they destroy the green sun to weaken Jack Noir so that future session will have a greater likely-hood for success. I'm currently relaying to Rose information on the best way to go about destroying the green sun…"

Her voice drones into one long hum and all you can hear is Terezi's laughter as she talks animatedly into her own headset. Despite yourself, you strain to hear what she is saying and you catch the tail end of her conversation.

"Don't you trust me, Dave? I promise everything will turn out okay. Hehe. Look, I got to go. Just do it and call me when you're done okay."

You hear the scrape of a chair and the _tap tap tap_ of Terezi's cane a she makes her way across the floor, towards her room most likely.

"Karkat!" Kanaya's voice demands your attention once more.

"Wh- what's up, Kan?"

"Were you even listening to me? This is very important to the success…"

"Yeah, yeah, you're doing a great ass job. Keep up the good work, blah, blah, and blah. All that Jazz." You grab Kanaya by the shoulders, having cut her off mid-speech. "I really appreciate that your helping out the humans so much, okay. Giving them this important information is very helpful. As your leader, I am promoting you to my second in command. First mate or some shit."

"You're the leader?" Kanaya's eyes are half lidded and she leans back in her chair, smoothing out her skirt. "Since when?"

She's fucking with you. Just when you were being so nice too.

"I'm the damn leader! I've always been the leader and that's the way it's always going to be!"

"Statements such as that further qualify you as leader, no doubt."

"You're Gog-damned right!" Your point across, it's down to business again. "Vriska is going to get John killed, and Dave is a piece of shit. Therefore it's very important that you keep Rose safe, understood?"

"Of course. What about Jade?"

"If you have Rose blowing up the sun, then I'll get Jade in position to do the scratch." You're talking fast now, all this chatter about humans and plans and human-plans has got you thinking.

Maybe there is a way you can salvage everything.

"Just make sure Rose is safe!" You rush away before she can answer and head back to your computer. There is work to do.

* * *

= Be Kanaya Maryam

You are now Kanaya Maryam. The vampire fashion queen and now first mate under Karkat Vantas. As Karkat rushes away once more, grumbling to himself, you turn back to your computer and pick up your headset.

"Sorry for the interruption, Rose. Where were we?"

You wait the appropriate amount of time for Rose to respond. She doesn't.

"Rose?" You tap your headphones lightly. "Rose, are you there."

No answer.

You grab your keyboard and furiously start typing in commands. Soon enough, your view window pops open and you can see clearly into Rose's bedroom, where she had been resting and talking strategy with you scant moments before.

The human girl is gone, there are black scorch marks are the walls and ceiling, and the majority of her furniture has been upended. There had been some kind of scuffle in the few precious seconds you spent conversing with your leader.

You don't swear all too often, but you allow yourself one now.

"Shit."

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You once again are Dave fucking Strider. Good thing too, Karkat's ever present rage virus and Kanaya's lack of vigilance were starting to get on your nerves.

However as you stand above the sword, still half-buried in the stone, your nerves don't feel all that cool presently.

Terezi wants you to pull out the sword and stab yourself with it. After you die on the pedestal, you'll be back as a super-mega-ultra-god or whatever. At least… that's what she says.

You're really glad that Terezi left you to mull things over. Her seeing you lose your shit is not on your list of "things that you want to happen".

Up to this point your list of "things that you want to happen" has consisted of few things, such as:

Number one: Don't die

Number two: Find John and make sure he's okay

Number three: Drop some sick beats

Number four: Don't die

Number five: Find Bro and Jade for sloppy make outs

_"__Wait, what."_

You pull out your list and decide to make 'Find Bro and Jade for sloppy make outs' into two separate bullet points. There that's better. The list now reads.

Number five: Find Bro

Number six: Find Jade for sloppy make outs

And finally.

Number seven: Don't die

Did you mention 'Don't die' enough? You think that's probably the most important thing on the list.

Terezi says that everything will be '_fine'_. Whatever that means. The definition of _'fine'_ could be lost across different cultures. What if _'fine'_ in troll-speak meant _'dead as all fuck'_.

You notice that you're breathing really hard and fast, like you're running a marathon whilst trying to do a Sudoku puzzle. After a second of concentration, you manage to school your breathing back under control. If Bro taught you anything, it was to keep your shit in line.

_"__You aren't a pussy, Dave. You're the coolest guy around and everyone knows it."_

You just got to stab yourself.

With trembling fingers, you reach out and wrap your fingers around the handle of the sword. On the count of three, you're going to pull it out and skew yourself like a piece of dried fruit on the edge of a martini glass.

_"__Do they put dried fruit on the edge of martini glasses?"_

You honestly have bigger things to worry about at the moment, so you decide to hold that question off for later.

On the count of three.

One…

Two… HOLY SHIT!

You nearly piss your pants in the coolest and most ironic way possible when your shades suddenly signal that someone is calling you. The lines are alternating grey and blue, rippling outwards from the center of your lenses.

"Uh, Hello?" You answer.

"Hi, Dave."

"Egbert! Jegus, man where are you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, man I'm perfectly cool. Not as you cool as you though, that goes without saying. Haha."

"Damn straight."

"Sorry to interrupt this tearfully heartfelt reunion just before it completely dissolves into weeping embraces, but there's a reason I got together this little group chat." A third voice, Karkat, joins the mix.

You roll your eyes behind your shades, already annoyed by just hearing Vantas's voice.

"If this is another fruitless attempt to hook up with us, Karkles, then I'm afraid you're in for a big steaming pile of disappointment." You drawl.

"Shut the fuck up!" Karkat roars. "Gog, I knew you were going to make this so hard. If I weren't such a nice guy I wouldn't be going out of my way to save both of your sorry lives! Then I could sit back and be happy as you both turned into rotting piles of corpse meat."

"Wow talking about _'meat'_ again, Karkles? You're really going to quell the gay rumors in no time at this rate."

"I swear to fucking Jegus, Strider, if you don't shut your already stoic, shit eating lips this instant I will go over to LOHAC and shut them for you!"

"Uh, guys." John gets in before you can shoot off another retort. One that would accurately point out that Karkat seriously isn't doing himself any favors with his most recent threat. John continues. "I don't think this fighting is going to get anyone, anywhere. Why don't we all just relax for a second and Karkat can tell us what's on his mind?"

Leave it to John to be the mediator. Terezi had tried explaining the troll romance quadrants to you earlier. Was John being your Moiral right now or your Auspistice? Was there even a difference? You honestly weren't paying much attention earlier.

"Yes, Dave. Listen to your leader. As stupid as Egbert is, he's intellectually superior to you and is therefore the rightful leader of your dreary little party."

"Hmph." You don't disagree with that statement. You trust John's judgment probably more than anyone else's. You'd easily accept John as leader, but you won't admit that Karkat is right. About anything. Ever. "Just cut to the chase."

"Alright, you nook-wiffers hold on to your butts. I'm about to drop some serious information on your two worthless human selfs." Both you (ironically) and John (sincerely) wait with bated breath for the information to be dropped. It's not what you expected. "Dave you need to stop talking to Terezi and John you need to put as much space between you and Vriska as possible. Got it? Good. Talk to you shit-stains later."

"Whoa, hold on?!" John sounds nervous for some reason. "Why should I get away from Vriska she doesn't… have a, like… um, disease or something… right?"

"She has a disease alright!" Karkat snaps and you hear John gasp. "It's called I'm-a-huge-bitch-whose-going-to-ruin-everything."

John exhales deeply and you hear a rustling sound. You guess he's adjusting his glasses as he wipes sweat from his brow. What's got him all in a tizzy?

"Seriously though," Karkat continues "She's bad news. This whole miss-adventure that she's taken you on is destined for failure and you'd be doing everyone a favor if you cut out now."

"What about Vriska?"

"Let me re-phrase that. 'You'd be doing everyone _that mattered_ a favor if you cut out now.'"

You curse mentally, as mentioned prior you don't ever want to admit that Karkat is right about anything. However, it seems that today is full of things that you'd rather not do. Like dying. Have you mentioned that enough yet? Probably not.

"Look, Br… John." That was weird. You almost called John, _Bro. _Haha. Your brain is all scrambled up today. Anyways. "As much as I hate to say this, Karkat is right. Sticking around with Vriska is a bad idea. It's like sticking a fork into a light socket."

"I'm not sticking anything anywhere!" John shouts a little too quickly. "I… er, I mean... What?"

"Moving on from Egbert's lack of coherent speech," Karkat presses on valiantly. "Strider! Stop talking to Terezi this instant. You're feeble attempts at flirting are among the most awkward and infuriating things in this miserable excuse for a universe and it needs to stop happening, understood?"

"Hmm," You begin. "I'm tapping my finger against my chin in a really thoughtful way, Karkat. You see, I'm having trouble thinking of what to say… Oh wait, I got it. Fuck you!"

"Dave!" John's exclamation of surprise is probably the only thing in the world that would make you feel an ounce of regret. A very ironic ounce, the most ironic there is. "I think what Dave is trying to say, Karkat, is that he doesn't see anything wrong with him talking to Terezi, right?"

"Nope, I think what I was trying to say was: _fuck you_."

"You know what! I'm done!" Karkat barks, causing you to wince as the noise threatens to blow out your shade-speakers. "Here I am trying to the do the right thing and give you both some priceless information, but John is too nice to hurt some bitches's feelings and Dave's too much of an insufferable prick to see that he's making a fool of himself every time he opens his damn mouth. Why can't you idiots see that both of these girls are playing you like a couple of human-flutes? Neither of you little wrigglers have a chance with either of them anyways!"

"Well, Karat I don't know if that's… well… um, uh," John seems to be struggling with something. His words are muted and garbled. He's mumbling and forcing them out like he's passing a kidney stone. Eventually it comes out to this. "Vriska and I, sort of… already did… it."

You could have sworn that time stopped. Both John and Karkat are probably dead. One with embarrassment and another overdosed on blind fury. You hold for as long as you can before you lose it.

"HAHAHAHAHA! HOLY SHIT! EGBERT BONED AN ALIEN BABE! OH MY SWEET JEGUS!" You double over, leaning against your katana as you struggle not to collapse under the sheer weight of your mirth. You're being very uncool at the moment, but you'll give yourself a pass on this. It just might be the greatest thing ever. Of all time.

"It… it, it wasn't like that!" John stammers. "I didn't _'bone'_ her."

"WELL WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?!" Karkat is back with a vengeance. "You and Serket are bumping pails while we're here getting shit done! Do you have any idea what you've done?! Do you know what this means?!"

"No..." Only John Egbert can make one word carry so much weight. That single word held so much fear and uncertainty that you shut up instantly.

"It means," Karkat growled. "That you are now _Matesprits_!"

It's the way he says it that gets under your skin. Karkat could have just as easily said _'you have cancer!'_ with the exact same tone.

Something doesn't sit right with you. Your Strider-Sense is tingling.

"Terezi told me that Matespritship was like human love." You cut in. "You don't become Matesprits just because you did the nasty, right?"

"You don't get it, do you?" Karkat snaps. "Terezi has been feeding you misinformation like you're a newborn wriggler being fed slime. Vriska had sex with John. Therefore, she has flushed feelings for him! Therefore, THEY ARE FUCKING MATESPRITS!"

"I, uh… wow." You can practically see John rubbing the back of his neck. "What do I do?"

It takes you a moment to realize that John is coming to you for help. Of course he would, you're like a cooler, older brother to him. The only problem is: you're just as clueless as he is when it comes to love and the like.

"I don't know, man. Do you like Vriska?" You ask.

"I guess she's nice."

"HA HA, FUCKING HA!" You don't know what angers you more, Karkat's real laughter or his fake laughter. "You think Vriska is nice?! No one has _ever_ called Vriska 'nice', John, and there's a reason for that."

"Listen, Karkles. Why don't you take a walk for a bit and let the adults talk for a while." The troll is really starting to piss you off. John has enough on his plate without Karkat pouring gasoline on the fire… or plate, or whatever. You just need some room to think right now. There is simply too much going on.

"Why can't you humans just all fuck yourselves and leave us out of it!" Karkat apparently ignores you. "We got John pailing Vriska over here, Rose pailing Kanaya over there, Dave failing miserably to pail Terezi. I mean, come on! What's wrong with you people?!"

"Rose and… Kanaya." John echos quietly.

"Damn right, Kanaya is all over that grim, pasty human girl. It's really gross actually. I was just…" Karkat stops talking suddenly. You grow confused when you hear hushed voices though Karkat's line, and then. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S BEEN TAKEN?!"

"What, who!?" Both you and John ask in unison.

"Alright fuckers! Something's happened!" Karkat seems to have picked up his headset again. "Rose has been kidnapped by imps and is no doubt being completely fileted by Jack Noir as we speak."

"No! Fuck!" John shouts. "I warned her about those imps! I told her, man!"

"Where's Jack?" You ask, clenching your fist around your sword.

There's no way in hell that your letting that sonuvabitch get away with kidnapping your ecto-sister.

"There's no way in hell that I'm letting that sonuvabitch get away with kidnapping my ecto-sister." You say.

"We don't have time for sloppy rescue missions!" There's a loud bang and you guess Karkat has just slammed his fist on the table. "You need to blow up the green sun. You need to initiate the scratch!"

"No way, we're not doing anything without Rose!" John's voice has lost all of its pubescent awkwardness. "She knows the most about the game. I need her!"

You frown at that last sentence. You'll deal with that later.

"It doesn't matter! Jack Noir is much too strong for any of you. It's hopeless. There's nothing you can do!"

There they are. Those words, back again.

_"__There's nothing you can do…"_

Once again, you call bullshit.

"John," You take charge. "Find out where Rose is and let me know, we'll meet up later and rescue her, okay? There's something I have to do right now."

"What?" John asks.

You drop you katana and grab the handle of the half-buried sword once more.

"Something awesome. I'll talk to you soon, Bro." You tap your glasses, hanging up on both of them.

Alright...

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

You pull.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. After Dave hangs up, it's just you and Karkat.

"Listen, Karkat. I'm sorry about Vriska. It just sort of happened, you know?" You want to hurry this up so you can get to tracking down Rose.

"Sure, Egbert. It's whatever." You can tell he's still furious. "It's no skin off my teeth. I just want you to know that you fucked up, got it?"

"I know."

"Good, now if you're serious about fighting Jack for Rose, then I guess you better get going."

"Yeah," You agree. "Do you know where Jack took her?"

"Nope, but If I had to guess, I'd say blurhgaiheifh…"

"… I'm sorry. What was that, Karkat?"

He doesn't respond. This makes you uneasy. It sounded as if he was cut off.

You sever the connection and try calling him again. A streak of grey flashes across your lenses, but Karkat doesn't answer. You try again with similar results.

"Shit!" You turn and kick the wall as hard as you can. That proves to be a mistake as pain suddenly surges into your foot. You curse again.

You are currently standing outside a salamander home, in the salamander village, on LOWAS. Vriska is still inside the home, asleep on the couch, last time you checked. The poor salamander family that originally lived in the house had hastily left after you and Vriska had barged in and started getting busy. The family was apparently staying with friends for the moment, which was good. You'd still have to apologize to them later though.

You shiver and wrap your arms around yourself. Vriska had taken your shirt and has yet to return it, leaving you shivering in your jeans and undershirt. Things could be a lot worse though, since your undershirt is probably the coolest thing ever.

It's a simple white t-shirt with a picture of a ghost on the front. The ghost is from the movie 'Ghostbusters'.

God, that movie is so sweet.

You rouse yourself from these distracting thoughts and start fiddling with your glasses again. Karkat doesn't answer anymore, neither does Dave. You even try Rose and only succeed and worsening your mood when she predictably doesn't answer. You're about to phone Jade, just because, when your glasses flash.

You get excited for a second until you realize that no one is calling you.

You look up into the sky and see a mass of swirling black clouds in the distance, violet colored lightening arcs through the clouds at random intervals. All in all, it's one of the spookiest things you've ever seen, and you've seen Ghostbusters over a ba-zillion times.

You don't know where Rose is, but those spooky-ass clouds seem like as good a place to look as any.

You turn and race into the salamander house. After you wake up Vriska and head towards the clouds, you'll call Dave and tell him what you saw, Jade too. If all of you meet up and fight Jack Noir, there's no way you could possibly fail.

Vriska is drooling into your shirt when you find her. She is still completely naked, sprawled over the couch like some kind of grey skinned, dark haired, beautiful blanket.

_"__Did you think 'beautiful' just then?"_

_"__Shit."_

"Vriska," You grab her shoulder. "Hey, wake up."

You shake her and are completely surprised when her fist lashes out and catches you square in the nose. You tumble backwards onto the ground and Vriska is now perched on the sofa like a cat, searching for her attacker.

"Oh. Hey there, Pupa. You should know better than to sneak up on me like that." She grins when she sees you on the floor, cradling your nose. "So, ready for round nine?"

"Round nine?!" You're voice sounds muffled and you can feel blood oozing between your fingers. "What happened to round four?!"

She throws her head back and laughs, sending a waterfall of black locks cascading around her shoulders. You whimper quietly.

"You kind of passed out there for a little while."

"I passed out!" Your brain struggles to process what she's saying. "I… you… you raped me!"

"What?! No! You were totally into it."

"I was unconscious!"

"Only for a little while."

"Why didn't you stop?! I would have been _way _more into it if I was conscious!"

"Oh…" She smirks at you. "Is that so? We'll just have to find out just how _into it_ you can be."

You feel angry again. You don't like feeling angry.

"Stop sounding sexy! I thought you didn't want anything permanent."

"I don't," Vriska slides off the couch and rises to her full height, standing above you. "Who says we can't have fun though?"

"I do." You clamber to your feet as well. You're tall and thin, almost to the point of gangly awkwardness. Standing next to Vriska and all of her lean muscle and… ahem, womanly attributes, you look even less intimidating than normal. "Rose has been kidnapped by Jack Noir and we're going to rescue her."

That wipes the little smirk from Vriska's face, leaving a sour expression that gives the impression that she's just licked a lemon.

"Oh," She breathes. "I see. Little miss perfects in trouble. Better drop everything and run off, am I right?"

This isn't what you expected. You and Vriska were going to fight Jack Noir anyways. You fail to see how this change of events could cause such a shift in her attitude.

"What's the matter?" You ask.

"Nothing," She brushes you off and smiles at you again. It's a cold smile though, the kind you often used when taking school photographs. In other words: fake. "Shall we get going then?"

You're already dressed, so you watch her shimmy into her pants and pull on her black t-shirt once again. She picks up your shirt and you reach out for it, but you're surprised when she shrugs it on.

"Uh…" You watch her brush her hair idly and fiddle with your shirt. "Can I have that back, please?"

Vriska blinks at you.

"Oh, this?" She picks at your shirt again. "This is mine now."

You frown. You really liked that shirt. It's a simple grey button-down, bought for you by your father a cheap department store back on earth. But now Vriska wanted it and Vriska always got whatever she wanted. Even you.

"Whatever." You say, with enough fake aloof-ness to make Dave proud. "I saw a bunch of spooky-ass clouds in the distance and I thought we could look for Rose there first."

"Spooky clouds?" Vriska repeats. "Hmm."

She races from the house and you jog after her. Vriska is standing on the front lawn staring up the clouds, like you had done earlier.

"That's the first and only place you'll need to look." She grabs your arm and started tugging you away. "That, my little Pupa, is Jack Noir's castle."

* * *

= Be Jack Noir.

You are now the villain, Jack Noir. You're also kind of a douche bag.

You are sitting in your throne room, admiring all of your sweet paintings when an imp scurries towards you. The imp bows low enough to brush it's nose against the floor, before looking up at you again.

"Sir," the imp growls. "We've captured one of the humans, the girl, Rose."

You regard the imp coldly. You are honestly surprised. You had not expected any of the children to be taken by the imps. As faithful as your minions are, they're kind of useless.

You nod. You will not reward any of these puny creatures with the gift of your words. Words have power, meaning and abilities that they know not. It's best to keep all of the words to yourself and therefore, the power.

The imp leads you from the throne room and up into the castle. You walk up a spiral staircase and eventually arrive on the roof of one of the many towers comprising your castle. The sky is a clear blue and you can clearly see that another cage has been erected next to the others. A new human for your collection.

There is an old man, a brother, a mother, and a father. Then there is the human girl, Rose. She is sitting on the floor of her cage, her legs crossed in some sort of meditation.

You watch her for a while, simply thinking. The girl is trying to test you. She will not give you the satisfaction of meeting your gaze. She has cut herself off from her surroundings. The ultimate double middle finger. Rose is smart.

You just happen to be smarter.

You point to the cage containing the father. The imps open the door and drag him out into the open.

Rose does not open her eyes.

You draw you sword and in one swift move, you kill the father.

Rose has squeezed her eyes shut and you can tell that she is shaking. Her resolve has not yet broken.

No matter, you point to the cage containing the mother. The imps open the door and…

Rose cries out.

"Wait!" She's standing up now, pressing herself against the bars of her cage.

You smile.

Rose is smart.

You just happen to be smarter.

The mother is put back into her cage. You will have to move the guardians now, somewhere else. You cannot risk your trophies being taken from you.

You point to the cage containing the girl and the imps unlock the door and drag her out.

There is darkness in the girl's soul. Rose has a fascination with the macabre and the evil that dwells in mythology. She plans on beating you, beating this game.

You will show her real darkness. As Rose is taken deeper into the castle, you look to the dead father.

It is a shame you had to kill him. The father was so serious. You liked that about him.

The rest of guardians are moved and you descend back into the castle.

Deep below ground, below the dungeons of your castle, there is a pit; a huge gaping hole that opens up to another dimension, a darker dimension.

The imps are holding Rose still when you arrive. The girl is gazing into the pit with wonder.

You smile. It's been a while since you've fed someone to the horrorterrors.

* * *

**There were a lot of POV changes in this chapter. I promise we won't jump around as much in future chapters. I hope no one was confused.**  
**Rape = Not Funny. I put the part about Vriska banging an unconscious John because it sounded like something my Vriska would do. At least, in my opinion. Vriska takes what she wants, regardless of what other people think.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	3. ACT 1 - PART 3

**Chapter Three**

* * *

= Be Jack Noir

You are once again Jack Noir. Also known as: a giant douche.

You had expected the human girl to keep up her stoic façade and allow the horrorterrors to consume her without a fight.

You are disappointed.

Despite her stony exterior and the mask of cold, calculation, Rose Lalonde screams as the shadow monsters wrap their inky-black tentacles around her. They drag her below, kicking and fighting the whole way. Eventually her wails die off, as she descends.

Oh well, you knew it was all an act anyway. Deep down Rose was just another little girl, who despite her angst, didn't want her mother to die, and didn't want to face the dark.

You turn from the pit and head back up through the castle. There is much work to be done. The rest of the players will come for their friend and you must be ready for their arrival.

As you walk through the throne room, you hear a loud _crash_ from up above. One of the guardians has escaped apparently. No surprise there. Your minions, the imps, are loyal of course, but completely useless. They must have caught Rose greatly unprepared in order to take her as their prisoner.

You ascend through the castle and come up to the top of the main tower, where the father still lays. It appears that the brother has broken free of his cage and is now engaging some of the imps in combat. You can respect his courage and his strength. The brother is most definitely a powerful warrior.

You watch him slice his way through a dozen imps. Your minions had even neglected to take his sword away from him. What a bunch of chumps. You sigh as he hacks through another twelve and decide that it's time you make your move.

With the agility of a thousand men and the douche-ness of at least thirty, you lunge forward and trap the brother with your powerful grip. It was a cheap move, a surprise attack. You don't care though. You're sort of the bad guy.

Holding the brother aloft, you dig your claws into his neck and fix your gaze upon him. Your eyes meet and though his dark, pointed shades you can see into his soul. Yours for the taking.

On this rare and important occasion, you decide to speak.

"Go," You say quietly, harshly. "Go, and do my bidding."

The brother resists. He is a powerful specimen. However, eventually it is too much and he bends to your will.

The brother is now under your control.

"Find the players," You whisper once more. "Kill them."

In a flash, the brother is gone.

The remaining guardians, the mother and the old man, are currently being taking to your evil airship by the remaining imps. You have plans for them also, but not until much later.

With that mess taken care of, it's back to business.

The heir is coming.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are John Egbert. This means you are an average dude, with large amount of romantic confusion and epic responsibility on your shoulders. There's also the rescue mission you are currently undergoing. That's a whole thing too.

You've just finished leaving Dave a message, telling him about the clouds and the castle. After you've stopped talking into your glasses though, you mind wanders back to your mission.

If Jack Noir did anything to Rose or your Dad, then you might just lose it. Rose is one of your best friends and Dad is, well, your dad. The thought that either of them might be in trouble fills your stomach with sour bile.

You close your eyes and pause to take a deep breath. You might just throw up.

"So I was wondering something." Vriska is walking ahead of you, leading the way towards the black storm and Jack Noir's castle.

"Hmmm?" You don't trust yourself to open your mouth without vomiting.

"How different is human sex from what we just did?"

You were worried she would bring up the sex again. You kind of want to forget that it happened. Not that you are ashamed of yourself or Vriska. It's just that everything would feel a lot less complicated if things hadn't transpired the way they did.

"Well for one thing," You begin. "When humans make love, their typically both lucid."

"_Make love_," Vriska repeats with a snort. "Is that what you guys call it?"

"It's better than '_pailing'_."

Vriska shrugs. She probably doesn't have an argument for that.

"So seriously, was it different or pretty much the same?" She looks over her shoulder back at you and you wonder why she's even asking. Does she just want to understand the differences between trolls and humans better? Or was this her backwards way of asking _"was it good for you too?_".

"I haven't really... had sex before. But I've seen, like, photos and stuff and I guess it was about the same."

Vriska's face flashes with an emotion that looks similar to surprise, but then it's gone, replaced with a wide grin.

"I see, so that was your first time?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

You both fall into silence then. Vriska is walking ahead of you, but you can tell that she is still grinning like a loon.

So your virginity was taken away by an alien psychopath. That's not so bad. You honestly weren't all that attached to your virginity in the first place. Things could have been a whole lot worse you suppose.

As you continue to walk, you find yourself staring at the back of Vriska's head, specifically her mass of long, tangled, black hair. There's so much hair. It's like a forest of black locks, which shimmer and dance with reflected sunlight. It's a little entrancing, sort of pretty too. As pretty as a black widow and just as dangerous.

What would your dad say if he knew what you had done? You can imagine that he'd present you with another one of his patent pending 'Dad Notes'.

_"Dear son, if you are reading this, then you've just lost your virginity to an alien. I'm so proud of you. Keep up the good work. Love, Dad."_

You shiver involuntarily. Maybe you won't tell him about Vriska as soon as you see him. News such as that is best delivered gently, in your opinion.

The ground starts to slope and you're surprised when Vriska takes a hard right and starts making a bee-line towards a nearby hilltop.

"Hey!" You call after her. "What is it? Where are you going?"

You stand there and watch her sprint up the hill. She comes to a stop and lets out an exclamation of "Aha!" and then turns to yell down to you.

"Hey Pupa, get your ass up here. You need to see this."

You sigh and start hiking up towards her. You're tall and gangly, built like a gazelle and not like a mountain goat. Needless to say it takes you a while longer to reach the top, than Vriska.

At the very peak of the hill, there is a slab of smooth stone. It's a pale blue in color, not out of place against the sky, and a weird wavy symbol is carved into its surface.

"Wh- what is it?" You huff. You're more out of shape then you think.

"It's a quest bed!" Vriska claps excitedly, like a little girl when faced with a pony. "_Your_ quest bed, specifically."

You're about to ask her to clarify when something hits you in the back, slides in between your ribs and then bursts out through your chest. Blood starts pouring from the wound like a fountain and you stagger forward onto the quest bed. You open your mouth to cry out, to warn Vriska to run and save herself.

Then you land on the hard stone and twist your neck, looking up to see Vriska standing over you, still grinning that wild, maniac grin.

"Vr-V- Vriska?" Is all you can say. You can feel blood crawling up your throat and filling your mouth.

"You'll thank me later, Pupa." She winks at you and with a swipe of her hand, you see no more.

* * *

Dying sucks, like, a whole lot.

You wonder why you didn't listen to Dave or Karkat. Why didn't you get away from Vriska when you had the chance? Why did you trust her?

She used you, tricked you, stole your shirt, and killed you. Vriska really was a huge bitch.

"_I'm sorry Rose." _You think. _"I'm sorry Dad._ _I was going to save you both. I was going to make sure you were all okay. Then we would be together. Then we would be happy. I'm really sorry."_

Why had you been so eager to follow Vriska? Literally everyone you talked to warned you against her. You are so stupid, just so...

Then you wake up.

"Holy shit!" You scream and then you're on your feet.

Oh god you feel... you feel... fucking _amazing_!

You search for Vriska and find her rolling around nearby, clutching her stomach.

"You should have seen the look on your face, John!" She shrieks. "You were all like, '_aw no! I'm so dead'_. But now look at you!" She points and you do, indeed, look down at yourself.

The blood-spurting wound is gone. Your sweet-ass Ghostbusters t-shirt is gone. Hell, all of your clothes are gone. Instead you are wearing a set of blue pajamas and a long hood, which resembles a deflated wind sock. Essentially, you look like a total badass.

"You look like a total badass!" Vriska squeals. She jumps to her feet, runs up to you and then gives you the most bone crushing hug you've ever experienced.

"Mi momph mumermaph." You mumble against her.

"What?"

You pull away and spit some of her hair out of your mouth.

"I don't understand."

"Well, it's simple really." She has that arrogant look on her face that only comes when someone is about to drop some serious common knowledge on someone really damn stupid. You fit the bill. "This is your quest bed," she points to the stone slab again. "When you die on it, you are resurrected as a _god_!"

"Why didn't you try and explain that before you KILLED ME!" You're more than a little upset that she's been toying with you, so you barely register how strong the wind is starting to pick up.

"Because I knew that it would take too much time and then you would get all nervous and then you'd probably puss out!" She's shouting too, although it's more to be heard than anything else.

She's right, but that just makes you more upset. You probably_ would_ have too afraid to take your own life. Hell, who in their right mind wouldn't be afraid to do such a thing?

Probably your best friend, Dave. He rocks ultimate.

You can hear Imaginary Dave talking to you again.

_"__Damn straight."_ He says.

Vriska is patting you on the shoulder now. It's such a common-place gesture of affection that it takes you off guard at first.

The wind dies down.

"I always have your best interests at heart. You know that, right?" She's looking at you pointedly.

Once again you think back to her previous statement, about not wanting anything "_permanent"_. If that was true, why is she using words like "_always"_? Doesn't the term "_always"_ imply something permanent?

You're honestly more confused than ever, at least in the romantic aspect of your life. However, in contrast, some things are feeling a lot simpler now.

You are a god, the HEIR OF BREATH, and now it's time to save one of your best friends.

"Okay, I guess thanks?" You laugh nervously and smile at Vriska. It's kind of forced though. "We should get going. Rose isn't going to save herself."

You're not a hundred percent sure about that last statement. Rose is pretty tough. You wouldn't be completely surprised if you got there and she was already out and about kicking ass.

"Oh yeah," Vriska has that sour-looking face again. "Almost forgot about her." She stares in the direction of Jack Noir's castle and shields her eyes from the sun. "We would probably get there faster if we flew."

You're tempted to say something like: "Well, no shit. Everything would be faster if we flew." But you hold your tongue. Something about the way she says it suggests that she (once again) knows more than you do.

"What do you mean?" You say.

"Just do the windy thing and we'll be there in no time."

"The windy thing?"

"Yeah, the windy thing." She jabs a finger into your chest, indicating the wavy symbol embroidered there. "Do the windy thing, John."

"Just because you keep saying it, doesn't mean that it makes any more sense."

"Ugh!" She groans. "I don't know how to explain this. You just do it, John."

This feels like a big waste of time to you.

"Vriska, I don't know what you're talking about, but I'll figure it out later I'm sure. Right now we need to get…"

You trail off when something in the distance catches your attention. It's a blur of movement, blazing a path from Jack Noir's castle and straight towards you. You squint, trying to get a better look at what it is.

"What are you doing, John?" Vriska sounds exasperated. She follows your line of sight and sees the moving blur. "What the…"

In a flash, Dave's Bro is standing right in front you.

"Hey, Bro. Haha." For a second there you thought that maybe the moving blur was something bad- OH MY GOD WHAT IS HE DOING?!

He swings his sword, but it's more like a flash of lightening to you. Bro is so fast and in less than a millisecond you're probably about to be decapitated. Oh well, being a god was fun while it lasted.

Vriska lunges in front of you, arm outstretched to deflect the blow and then…

Everything is blue. The ground, Vriska's shirt, even your glasses are covered in blue. Her severed arm is lying several feet away from you. It takes a second for everything to process.

"Holy shit." Seems like a fair thing to say.

Vriska screams and writhes on the ground, her bloody stump leaking like a sprung valve. Bro is advancing towards you now, stepping over Vriska and raising his blue-stained sword.

You had always known that Bro liked to fight. Dave used to talk about their rooftop scuffles are the time. But you'd never imagine that Bro would attempt to kill _you_ of all people. You've never said more than two words to him in your whole life. You don't know why he's trying to kill you. All you know is that you aren't going down without a fight.

**STRIFE!**

Your hammer is now in your hand and with a loud _clang_, your respective weapons clash with a flurry of sparks. You spin, long hood flying behind you, and drag your hammer down to cave in Bro's head. The master ninja flashsteps out of the way though, and is now attacking from your left.

A split second before his blade slices into soft John-flesh, you lunge out of the way. Your hammer is powerful, but it's a relative tortoise to Bro's rabbit-like sword. Speed won't be your advantage in this fight. You need to play it smart.

You raise your hammer and go on the defensive, keeping him at bay with the occasional swipe. You're suddenly away of how hot the sun is. Like a giant flashlight trained directly on to you. It's sweltering under its gaze and you're sweating like an overweight dog.

Bro, on the other hand, looks completely cool and confident. This isn't anything out of the ordinary for him. Dismemberment and Strife is Tuesday on his calendar.

He's flashstepping like a total badass now, too fast for your bespectacled eyes to follow. You parry one blow, but barely manage to block the second. You're going to fail and you know it. It's just a matter of time.

Something wizzes over your shoulder and strikes Bro in the chest. With his focus on you, he didn't see the projectile coming. The ninja/assassin/pro-everything is thrown backwards, tumbling off down the hill. You know that blow won't hold him off for long though. He's just too cool for that.

You turn around to find that Vriska has staggered to her feet and that she has once again saved your life.

"Vriska! Get out of here!" You shout, rushing over to her. "I'll hold him off."

Vriska opens her mouth to speak, but changes her mind and decides to throw more of her dice at Bro instead. He's back and ready for more action.

It's a two on one battle. The only problem is, Vriska is critically injured and loosing blood fast and you are John.

Bro deflects your hammer and punches you in the gut. You double over in pain, while Vriska uses her dice to knock Bro's sword out of his grip. You have to give Vriska credit. She's one tough bitch.

Bro flashsteps up to Vriska and catches her remaining wrist. With her in his grasp, he could have easily killed her with a jab to her solar plexus or whatever. You don't know much about anatomy, or even troll anatomy for that matter.

Instead, Bro does not kill Vriska. You don't know this, but inside of Bro there is a battle going on between Jack Noir's orders and Bro's own free-will. Bro doesn't want to kill anyone, while Jack Noir is a big wet douche. It's an immovable force against an unstoppable object. Something has got to give.

Bro takes Vriska out of the fight by snatching her left eye clean out of her socket with his bare fingers.

You can't help but compare Bro's actions to that one scene in "Kill Bill" where The Bride totally rips out Elle's second eye. It's a totally sweet scene in the movie, but completely un-awesome in real life.

Vriska slumps to the ground, completely motionless. You really hope she isn't dead.

Bro is calmly walking over to reclaim his sword. He's probably going to kill you now, or at the very least maim you like he did Vriska.

Poor Vriska. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve anything. All she wanted to do was prove herself, have a little fun, save your life over and over again.

You hear her voice in your head. An imaginary Vriska shouting to you.

"_Hey, Pupa."_ She says. "_Do the windy thing."_

Bro is coming for you now. You can see his expressionless face and dark, pointy shades looming over you. It's now or never.

The wind stirs, slowly at first, tugging at your hood and causing Bro's baseball cap to flap lightly. It gets stronger though and you literally _feel _the wind pushing past you, around you. Your chest feels light and your soul, lighter. Thin, but strong, fingers of air streak around you now, forming into think, powerful arms. You look at Bro and he is fighting his way towards you, trying to flashstep closer to his target.

You grit your teeth and urge the wind forward, exhaling air in a single, mighty breath. Bro is lifted off of his feet and thrown away from you. He flies backwards and you are surprised to see that he doesn't seem to be slowing down. In fact, it seems that he's speeding away from you faster and faster, until he disappears far into the distance.

You've literally _blown_ him away. Haha.

You think that after using your powers so effectively for the first time, you should probably feel tired, spent even. However, you've never felt better.

That was easily the coolest thing you've ever done. Vriska was right: you are a god.

Oh right, Vriska.

She's lying on her back, eye closed, still as a corpse. You dash forward and slide on your knees next to her.

You know from films that you're supposed to check her pulse. You do as such and find that her heart is still beating, although faintly.

What are you supposed to do? You're about as far from a doctor as you can possibly get. You think about carrying her to the quest bed and letting her die there. Maybe she'll come back as a god too? You remember her saying that it was specifically _your_ quest bed, which gives you the feeling that it probably won't work. But you honestly have no idea what else to do though.

You position your arm under her knees and your about to scoop her up when your glasses suddenly flash with a streak of dark blue.

You gently lower Vriska and answer the call, hoping that it's someone that has seen your problem and decided to help.

"Hello, John Human." Says a deep, bass voice. "I have seen your problem and decided to help."

"Who is this?" You ask. "Where are you?"

"My name is Equius Zahhak, high blood and master of all things robotic. I can help Vriska, but only if you get her to my laboratory."

"How are you seeing me? Do you know Vriska? Are you a troll? Where is your lab? You're a master of robotics, how the fuck is that going to help Vriska?"

"Shut up human and follow the waypoint I am sending you. All will be explained upon your arrival."

A blue dot appears on the lenses of your glasses, pointing you towards a destination in the complete opposite direction of Jack Noir's castle, Rose, and your Dad. You don't want to abandon your mission, but Vriska will surely die if you don't get her help.

"I'm not giving up Rose and Dad." You mutter. "I'm coming to save you, I promise."

"What was that?" Equius is still talking to you. "Stop wasting time and get Vriska to my lab, post haste!"

You sigh and scoop up Vriska.

* * *

= Be Dave Strider.

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too, John's mortal peril was really pulse pounding. You need to chill for a while.

You are currently dead. Is that chill enough for you?

You are just starting to wonder if you've made a huge mistake by jumping through Terezi's hoops when you wake up suddenly.

"Don't touch the oven, it's hot!" You yell, sitting up so fast that your equilibrium is thrown off, throwing you into dizzy haze. You feel like a dreidel that's spent too long at a Hanukah party full of Jews suffering from parkinson's.

That metaphor might be offensive, but you don't care. Jewish people are known to use dreidels and anyone, even Jews, can get parkinson's. Also no one can read your thoughts, so it doesn't matter that you thought of it anyway.

There is a voice cackling in your ear.

"Hehe. Dave, you're funny. What's an oven?"

It's Tz, probably checking up to see if you decided to puss out and not off yourself like the Warden from Shawshank Redemption.

Movie reference. Really? You've been hanging out with John too much.

Spoilers for the Shawshank Redemption, by the way.

"An oven is an infernal contraption invented by humans to cause us pain whenever we aren't paying close enough attention." You answer Terezi's question ironically. "The only thing it's really good for is a storage place for Bro's spare swords."

"Oh that's interesting. Humans are funny. Hehe. Have you given yourself a look yet? You smell like a big candy apple-red hunk of handsomeness."

A quick glance proves Terezi's right. You already knew you were God's gift to women, but the real surprise is that your clothes have completely changed. You're now wearing red pajamas and hood/cape combo. It's pretty sweet looking.

"So this is it huh? I'm an ultra-god-mega-warrior now?"

"You bet your sweet red buns, you are! You're the KNIGHT OF TIME, Dave! Isn't that awesome!"

Knight of Time. It certainly sounds awesome. Now that you really think about it, you do feel sort of different.

You've never really noticed each, individual second before. They all tick by slowly, constantly, and never ending. One, two, three, four. Counting up and up and up, until you hit sixty and start again. It's all here right in front of you, ticking forward more and more along a steady beat with your heart.

"I don't like it." You mumble before you can stop yourself.

"Hmm? Sorry cool kid, I didn't catch that."

You slap yourself hard across the face.

"_Stupid fucking idiot. What the hell are you doing?"_

The seconds tick on.

_"__That was a completely uncool thing to say! Mumbling and whining, you're a god-damned god now, man! What would Bro say if he knew you were being such a wimpy little piss rag?"_

You can imagine what a "_piss rag" _is and you most certainly don't want to be one.

"I said: 'I fucking _love_ it!" You climb to your feet and adjust your shades.

The seconds tick on.

"Excellent!" Terezi continues. You can practically hear her smiling. "Now go kick some Jack Noir ass!"

"Yeah, hold on." You've just noticed a blue dot blinking on the corner of your shades. John has left you a message.

_"__Blah blah blah Jack Noir blah blah spooky-ass clouds blah blah castle blah blah blah Vriska blah blah Nic Cage blah blah"_

"Alright, Tz. I just got a message from John. Basically, Jack Noir has a castle on LOWAS where he's probably holding Rose captive, along with my Bro and stuff."

"Ooooh a castle?!" Terezi sounds excited. "Dave you know what this means right? As the Knight of Time, it's your job to storm the castle and rescue the princess!"

Storming the castle with John and Vriska sounds like a plan. However, who's the princess in this situation? You can chose between your ecto-sister or your brother and you don't really have much of a desire to sweep either one of them off of their feet as the dashing Knight.

You decide to drop Terezi's mildly nauseating role-play fantasies in favor of getting shit done.

"I'm heading towards LOWAS." You say. "When I get there I'll call up John so we can meet up."

"No can do, cool kid. You need to go to LOFAF and get Jade."

"Harley? Why? She doesn't need to be dragged into this whole debacle of galactic proportions." It's not that you don't want to see Jade, quite the opposite. It's just that it would be a load off your already weighty mind if she wasn't in harm's way.

"Karkat says that she deserves to be in the loop and that if you don't get your human-ass over to LOFAF in the next thirty seconds, he's going to beat it."

You pause, allowing a few more seconds to tick on.

"Is he going to beat my ass or is he going to beat _'it'_?" You ask. Honestly it doesn't matter, that's one of the most unintentional homoerotic quips you've ever heard. At this point Karkat _has_ to be taking the piss.

"He says that it doesn't matter." Terezi responds. She follows up with another round of cackling giggles.

"Okay whatever." You decide to deal with that later. Right now you're going to disregard Karkat's orders and call John instead. He cares about his ecto-sister Jade, just as much as you do and you can trust him to make the right call, recent interspecies sexual escapades notwithstanding. "I gotta go, Tz. I'll talk to you when shit's not flinging all over the place via a fan."

"Ta ta for now, cool kid. Hehe."

After you hang up, you phone John.

"Hey, Dave."

Your friend sounds tired.

"Yo, Egbert. Are you keeping it so fresh that it hasn't even been born yet?"

"Uhh..."

"Never mind what I just said. Where are you right now?"

"It's a long story, man. Like Vriska and I were heading towards the castle…"

John proceeds to spout off a story that sends your mind reeling, like… like… something that reels? A fisherman when he's got a big catch on his line?

Shit, you can't even craft metaphors with practiced ease anymore. Not after Egbert's harrowing tale of betrayal, death, resurrection, attempted murder, and mutilation.

Your Bro? No, no fucking way. He wouldn't… He couldn't…

Every second ticks on with a resounding crash. It's maddening. Your head is ringing with disturbing thoughts and images, each one coming exactly one second after the other, growing in vividness and horror.

"John…" You don't know when you sat down, but right now you're leaning against one of the walls inside the temple. "Is… is Vriska going to be okay?"

"I think so. I'm in this really sweet lab right now. A couple of trolls were keeping track of us, because Karkat told them too, and they're doing their best to help her, Dave, they really are."

So you guess it's possible that Karkat really might have your best interests at heart. Well, John's best interests at the very least. That's good enough for you though.

"Are you at the Troll's home base?" You ask.

"Nope. One of the trolls here, Equius, has his own lab that he hangs out in all the time. The Troll's base is somewhere else."

You nod, although John can't see you. So John hasn't met all of the trolls in person yet, although he's certainly met the most out of all of you. You would prefer John to be at the Troll's center of operations, where it would be safest, but Equius's lab sounds like a better place to be then out in the LOWAS wilderness.

"_Where your Bro could kill him in a heartbeat."_

You squeeze your eyes shut behind your shades. All of your life you've done your best to be exactly like your Bro. He was your whole family, your whole world until you met all of your friends online. John had to be mistaken. Something, anything, had to be wrong.

You're torn now. What do you do?

Do you go straight to John so you can rescue Rose? Do you go to LOFAF, get Jade, and then meet John for a better chance of success? The three of you against Jack Noir stand a better chance than just one, or even two, right? You don't really want to put Jade in danger though.

The third option is to find your Bro and talk to him.

"_But what if he doesn't want to talk? What if he tries to kill you?"_

The seconds tick on.

_"__If he tries to kill me… I don't know what I'll do…."_

You need someone to take the decision out of your hands. You need a map to follow. You need a mold to fill. Without someone to inspire you, some role-model to follow, you feel lost.

Without Bro, you're nothing.

"Dave, are you alright?" It's John, talking in your ear. "You still there, man?"

You swallow hard.

"Yeah," You voice sounds like static in your ears. "I'm here."

"We need Jade's help." John continues. "Since I'm here with Vriska right now and since LOFAF is on the way here. Do you think you could get Jade?"

The seconds tick on.

"You can count on me, Bro."

* * *

**One of my best friends is Jewish. Just saying.**  
**We're going to catch up with Jade and Rose next chapter. So far this story is seriously lacking in the human girl department. They are both major characters, I promise you that. **  
**The rest of the trolls are coming too.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	4. ACT 1 - PART 4

**Chapter Four**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are Jade Harley. It's about damn time.

You are currently in the Land of Frost and Frogs, undertaking probably the worst assignment in the history of mankind. Well not really.

You actually enjoy the science of it, since you're something of an amateur scientist yourself. Mixing and matching frogs together in order the breed the perfect genes for your new universe. The only part that really sucks is having to _catch_ the little bastards.

"Argh! Get back here you fuckass!" You curse as another one slips from your grasp and dodges away through the falling snow.

Everything would be so much better if you could just shoot them dead, before scooping them up for your experiments.

"But nooooooooo!" You throw your hands in the air as you trod back up to your house. You proceed to poorly imitate your good friend John. "_The frogs have to be alive, Jade! That's the only way it will work!_"

You're still grumbling when you reach your front door. A quick snack and maybe a nap, before heading back out into the snow… That sounds like a good plan.

Your house is pretty cool, if you don't say so yourself. Your grandfather had it built for himself on a remote island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You've lived there most of your life, enjoying the sun, the sand, and the waves. It was nice, save for the lack of human contact.

Dave, John, and Rose were the only other people you talked to growing up and there's no one else you'd rather share this rather excellent adventure with. If only, you could actually _share_ it with them.

You whole house had been uprooted, along with your Spartan life, and put to rest on LOFAF after the game began. With the world destroyed, your grandfather missing, and your best friends off doing god-knows-what, you've never really felt so alone.

"At least you're still here, huh Bec?" You crouch down in order to receive a very large and very wet lick across the face.

Your dog, Becquerel, has always been there for you. He's protected you from the hazards of living on the island, entertained you with fun games of hide and seek, and has served as the furriest pillow ever on several occasions.

"Who's a good boy?!" You give him a stellar belly rub, when he flops down onto his back. "Who's a best friend?!"

You're about to tell him the answer to your questions, when your ear muffs buzz against your ear. You were so caught up in greeting Bec that you forgot to take off your winter gear.

"Oh, better see who is calling!"

You slap your palm gently over your ear muff, answering the call. Please let it be one of your friends…

"JADE! DID YOU ANSWER YOUR GOG-DAMNED PHONE YET?! I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOUR SORRY, HUMAN ASS!"

"Oh. Hey, Karkat." You try not to sigh too loudly.

"Thanks for finally picking up! I didn't know whether you'd walked yourself off a cliff or had just been too busy playing 'Hive' to do anything worthwhile."

"Hey! I'm doing something worthwhile. It's called rebuilding our whole universe, you big jerk!"

"Yeah, you're building a brand new Human Universe, which is about the most worthless universe you can make. Within a decade you fleshy pink assholes will probably screw it up all over again."

"What do you mean?"

"I _mean_, that humans are like the Anti-King Midas: Everything you touch turns to shit!"

"How do you even know who that is? Do you have King Midas on Trollaria?"

"Trollaria?! Did you just try and guess the name of our planet?"

Yes.

"NO!" You quickly try and save face. "John told me that's what it was called!"

"Fuck me! He's an even bigger idiot than I thought!"

"That's mean! John's a nice guy."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. He may be _nice_ but he has the intelligence of a sign post. With him behind the wheel of this shoddy human party, I'm surprised you all haven't driven off a cliff yet!"

"What are you talking about? Are you saying that John has a car?"

"Holy shit! You're an idiot too!" He groans. "I had such high hopes for you too, Jade. NO, JOHN DOESN'T HAVE A DAMN CAR! HE'S JUST AN IDIOT WHO CAN'T KEEP _IT_ IN HIS PANTS!"

You're even more confused than ever.

"What are you talking about!?" You repeat a little louder this time.

Bec has climbed back to his feet and is now standing next to you, his hair bristling and his fangs bared. You pat him on the back, smoothing down his frazzled hair.

"Vriska effing Serket has gotten her little, dirty claws under your friend's skin. Now he's following her around like a lost wriggler and bending over backwards whenever she's gotten a little too hot and a little too bothered."

You guess Karkat's trying to say that John and that troll, Vriska, had sex…

That's probably the grossest thing you've ever heard.

_Bending over backwards? Little, dirty claws? Wrigglers!?_ WHAT DOES TROLL SEX EVEN CONSIST OF!

You're starting to feel a little queasy and Bec helps you over to a chair so that you can sit down for a bit. Karkat's chattering away loudly in your ear, but you're only half listening. John is a _really_ nice guy and you can't imagine him being a poon-hound or whatever. If anyone was going to be bumping uglies during a mission of galactic proportions, you'd think it would be Dave instead of John.

To you, Dave is essentially like a real life James Bond. He's suave, smooth, smart, stealthy and probably something else that starts with an 's'. He's really fucking cool too, don't forget about that.

Karkat's still yelling.

"… and then Dave's bothering Terezi twenty-four seven, completely failing miserably to get anywhere near to the inside of her pants…"

"Whoa, hold up! Dave's hitting on Terezi?!" That's news to you. Something about the thought of Terezi swooning in Dave's arms makes your stomach roll over. You're surprised to find that you feel sicker than ever.

"Yeah, it's really sad. It's totally not working at all either." Despite his words, Karkat doesn't sound convinced and you can understand why.

Dave's such an awesome guy. He could get any girl he wanted, at any time he wanted. There's not a foxy lady out there who wouldn't want a slice of the Strider Magic.

You've never felt this sick before.

"I mean, seriously," Karkat continues. "Why can't you humans leave us alone? After the new universe is created you'll have to populate it amongst yourselves anyways!"

A little barf stings your throat and you swallow it quickly.

"What the flying fuck are you talking about!?"

"Well you can't exactly mate with us, can you? You'll have to pair up with either John or Dave after this is all over."

"I- I… hadn't thought of that."

"Wow, fucking amazing. It appears that the only person concerned with the perpetuation of the human species is me, A GOG-DAMED ALEIN TROLL!"

"But I can't marry John! We're ecto-siblings, or something!"

"Yeah and since incest is apparently out of the question, plus the fact that John is apparently "_not a homosexual" ,_whatever that means, you're only left with one option. Am I right?"

"Me and… Dave?"

"WHOOP WHOOP! RING THE BELL FOLKS! WE HAVE A FUCKING WINNER OVER HERE!"

So when the end comes, you'll have to marry Dave, and John will have to marry Rose, according to Karkat at the very least. You don't know how to feel about that at the moment. Right now all you feel is your stomach practicing gymnastics in your body cavity.

You lean forward and Bec puts his head in your lap. You scratch behind his ears gently.

"Is there actually a reason for why you called? Or did you just want to cheer yourself up by ruining my life?"

You don't know why you sound so dead all of the sudden. It wasn't like Karkat had condemned you or anything. You guess the problem is that you don't really like to think about the future and all of its mystery. You prefer the action and adventure of the present. With something, even predicted love, hanging over your head, everything just feels a little less exciting.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact there is a reason for this conversation. Man, did I get sidetracked." Karkat laughs nervously and you're surprised to hear his voice quiver slightly. "Look, I'm sorry I was so rude, Jade. There's just some serious shit going down on my end, okay?"

"What's happening?" You stand up and start to pace. Not because you're all that worried about anything, it's just that sitting still for too long gets you feeling antsy.

"Nothing for you to worry about, just… troll stuff."

"Uh, okay?"

"Yeah, anyways down to business: John's future wife has been kidnapped by Jack Noir and there's going to be a rescue mission, an ill-advised, totally foolish, sloppy rescue mission."

"Rose has been kidnapped!" Okay scratch that previous statement. Now you're totally worried about something. "Oh my god, why didn't anyone tell me?!"

"Because apparently no one thinks you deserve to know anything! But don't worry. Once again I've taken it upon myself to insure the success of you humans and your barely functioning brain-orbs. You are encouraged to not hold your applause."

_Rose kidnapped? Jack Noir? Sloppy rescue mission?! _WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL YOU ANYTHING!

The next time you see a certain Friendleader, someone is getting their ass kicked.

"SPOILER ALERT! IT'S JOHN!"

"What did you just say?" Karkat must have heard your outburst.

"Never mind, I'm just thinking aloud. Where is Rose being held? Where are John and Dave?"

"Rose is in a castle on LOWAS along with your grandpa and the rest of your guardians. John is probably off somewhere getting probed by Vriska and Dave is still on LOHAC. I think he's dead, actually."

"WHAT! NO SHUT UP, THAT'S NOT FUNNY KARKAT. THAT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL!"

"Relax, Jegus Christ! He'll be fine. After he wakes up, I'll make sure that he comes and gets you before going to LOWAS."

"So he's asleep, then?"

"What, no! He's not asleep. He's dead. It's complicated and it doesn't concern you right now!"

"Whatever! He's one of my best friends! It totally concerns me!"

"Not to sound omnipotent or overly mysterious but: All will be explained at a later date. Understood?" Without waiting for you to answer, Karkat continues. "Just stay put and wait for Dave. He'll come and get you. As your superior, that is my command. Goodbye, Jade."

"No, Karkat wait!" You still have so many questions. It's too late though, since he's already hung up. "DAMMIT!"

You kick the nearest thing, which just so happens to be your kitchen table. Instantly you regret it as a wave of pain shoots its way up your foot.

Grumbling obscenities not fit for human ears, or troll ears for that matter, you begin to pace once more.

"_Stay put and wait for Dave!" _It turns out you can poorly imitate Karkat as well. "I don't have to wait for Dave! I'm not some princess locked in a tower and he sure as hell isn't some knight in shining armor! BEC GET YOUR THINGS, WE'RE MOVING OUT!"

Your loyal companion is instantly by your side. You grab your rifle and sling it over your shoulder.

"Fuck Karkat. Fuck John. Fuck this shitty planet. And fuck these DAMN FROGS!"

You're going to get some shit done.

You're going to LOWAS.

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

You start walking.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you're in Equius Zahhak's lab, hidden on LOWAS. More specifically you're sitting rather uncomfortably in a chair, twiddling your thumbs while Vriska is having surgery in the next room.

"I wouldn't worry about purr." Says Nepeta Leijon, another troll who's currently curled up on a nearby desk. "Equius is the best robotics master effur!"

You don't know how long Equius and Nepeta have been holed up in this lab, following Karkat's orders, but if you had to guess, they'd been here for much too long. Nepeta had practically pounced on you when the door had been opened, which was weird enough, but then the cat puns started and honestly now you don't know what to think.

Equius is an entirely different story, almost the complete opposite of the childish Nepeta. He is big, while she is small. He is quiet too and very strong looking. It's hard for you to imagine him performing the small, complex operations you most associate with surgery.

"Hey, Johnkitty! Do mew want to see something cool!" Nepeta is looking at you excitedly, her large round eyes open wide.

"Uh, no thanks." You say. "I think I just want to wait here."

"Oh, okay." She deflates slightly and goes back to resting on the desk.

You sigh and take off your glasses to clean them on your shirt. It's been a long day and you are extremely tired. Not to mention you're frustrated that Vriska got hurt, forcing you to abandon your sloppy rescue mission.

Don't get yourself wrong, you're really worried about Vriska too. She went from eight pupils to only one in the timespan of about two seconds. Seeing her hurt like that had made you feel… something.

You weren't scared or grossed out. You weren't exactly calm either, though. You have a sneaking suspicion that you might be developing feelings for Vriska, which is sort of disturbing.

She killed you, right? That's not typically an activity you associate with courtship and yet...

You want her to be okay. More than anything else, you just want everyone to be okay.

A scratching noise pulls you from you thoughts and you find that Nepeta is doodling on some scratch paper. Her little lips are turned down in a frown and the tip of her tongue is poking out the side of her mouth in concentration.

On a whim, you get up from you chair and go over to see what she is drawing. You catch a glimpse of one doodle, two letters that have been delicately traced, surrounded by hearts, and then underlined vigorously.

"Who's _KV_?" You ask innocently.

Nepeta shrieks and shoves the paper into her mouth, swallowing it whole. She then wheels on you with a hiss.

"Uh, what the fuck?" You blink and wisely take a step back.

"A word fur the wise, Johnkitty. No one sneaks up on the mighty huntress and gets away with it." Nepeta growls at you.

"Er, I don't understand." You take another step.

"Let meow put it this way," Nepeta slides off the desk and turns away from you. "It would just be pawful if something fur to _happen_ to you."

As Nepeta saunters away, the light catches on a set of silver claws attached to her fingers and you swallow involuntarily.

You decide to keep what you saw to yourself. You're pretty socially inept, but you can tell when you've just intruded on something private. Better not risk getting your eyes clawed out simply because you can't keep your nose out of other people's business.

You cast about for something to distract yourself with.

There isn't much to see around the lab, the desks, chairs and tables are all made of plain steel. A few scraps of metal and circuitry are scattered around the floor and a door against the far wall leads towards Equius's and Nepeta's rooms. The surgery room is also in that direction, but you don't feel like going in there just yet.

Seeing an unconscious, mutilated Vriska wouldn't raise his spirits and you doubt you'd be much help to Equius anyways.

You heading back to your chair when, speak of the devil, the door is thrown open and Equius squeezes his bulk though the entryway.

"It is done." He says, crossing his arms. "Vriska will live thanks to my work."

"Oh fuck yeah! Thank you, Equius!" You rush up and shake his hand. His grip threatens to crush your fingers, but right now you could care less. "Is she awake? Can I see her?"

Equius thinks for a moment before shaking his head.

"She has asked not to see you."

You simply stand there and blink at him for a moment. The stupid grin you had when you heard that Vriska was okay slowly melts from your face.

"What are you talking about?" You demand.

"She told me not to let you in." Equius shrugs. "I'm sorry."

"Well you don't sound sorry!" You're suddenly angry. "She saved my life back there and she would have died if I didn't bring her here! We're Matesprits, for fuck's sake! I should get to see her!"

"I don't know what you want me to do." Equius crosses his arms again. The motion is so nonchalant and cold it really pisses you off.

You don't like being angry, but it just seems like a lot of things are getting on your nerves recently. You're done with this bullshit.

You get up in Equius's face. He's about a head taller than you, so this really doesn't have the desired effect. However, you're running off too much steam to back down now.

"I want _you_ to get out of my way."

For a second, you think that maybe Equius will grab you by your face; much like a basketball player would grip a basketball, and crush your head like a watermelon. However, the mountain-sized troll simply nods and steps off to the side.

You wait until your out in the hallway to release the breath you've been holding. After facing down Equius, you think fighting off Jack Noir will be no problem whatsoever.

The surgery room is a few doors down the hall. You eagerly grab the handle and throw the door open, ready to be reunited with your Vriska.

Her back is turned toward you when you step inside, and she is sitting on steel table, which looks much too hard and cold to comfortable. Your grey shirt is draped carefully over a nearby chair. One of its sleeves is missing and torn and you take a second to mourn. You really liked that shirt, but Vriska can have it now that it's ruined.

"Hey, Vriska! How are you…"

She turns as you stars to speak and once she catches sight of you, all hell breaks loose.

"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE!" She shrieks and throws herself to the floor behind the table, hiding herself from your line of sight.

"What? why? What's wrong?" You take a step forward and you hear her scuffling on the floor. "Vriska?"

You peek over the table and duck as a shoe flies over your head.

"Vriska!" You shout and retreat backwards, dodging her other shoe.

"GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!" She's on her feet now, grabbing anything she can find and hurling it in your direction. All the while, she's careful to keep her face pointed directly away from you, as if she can't stand the sight of you.

"Stop! Vriska, please!"

A beaker shatters against the wall next to your ear and a calculator bounces off of your shoulder. You deflect her next projectile (a computer keyboard) with a gust of wind and decide that you've had enough.

You start walking forward and Vriska must sense your motion, because she recoils as if she's being beaten.

"STOP!" She snarls. "JUST GO AWAY!"

Vriska has run out of things to keep you at bay and now she's crawled into the corner, sobbing hysterically.

"Vriska?" You crouch down about a foot away. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

"N- no. Please, just… get out of here."

"Why? What did I do?" You scoot forward on your knees, forcing her to curl up tighter around herself. "Vriska, I don't understand."

"Of course not! You fucking idiot!" She's talking into her knees so you have to strain to hear her. "You don't understand anything."

That's probably the one thing you do understand: that everything is ineffable.

"Will you just look at me for a second and explain why you're acting like this?"

"No."

"Why not."

"You'll hate me."

That catches you off guard.

"Vriska, I would never _hate_ you. Why would you ever think that?"

"_Why?_" She mocks you with growl. "Because I'm HIDEOUS!"

She raises her head and looks at you then, uncurling her arms and opening herself to your inspection.

You swallow hard. The first thing you notice is the arm. Her flesh and blood has been replaced with metal and wires. It's smooth, shiny, and it wouldn't look out of place in a Star Wars film. That isn't so bad.

It's the eye that gets you.

Equius may be a master of mechanical prosthetics, but he isn't a seamstress. Instead of giving Vriska a sweet robot eye like you had expected, her eye-lids have been sewn messily together in an effort to cover up the gaping hole in her face.

You try looking at the jagged lines for as long as you can, biting the inside of your cheek. Eventually though, you can't help it.

You look away.

Vriska lets out a sob that breaks your heart and folds herself up in the corner. Hot tears prick at your eyes and you wipe at them angrily.

You are the worst and that's really all there is to say on the matter.

You need to say something, anything.

"I- I, uh… I don't care what you look like, Vriska. It's not a big deal and it never has been." You rub the back of your neck. "I mean, I like you no matter what you look like. You have a good heart and you're really smart and nice and… I _still_ think you're beautiful."

You wait for her to say something, but she doesn't. Instead, Vriska goes eerily quiet.

You wait. You wait some more and yet, nothing happens.

Very slowly, as if she might bite you, you scoot forward some more. She doesn't retreat this time and allows you to wrap your arms around her.

Her head goes under your chin, scraping your cheek with it's horn in the process. You don't mind though. Vriska's body is flush against yours and you're surprised to find how comfortable you are with her pressed up against you.

You've lain together before, but this is much different than the animalistic lust ritual you both undertook earlier. She's not _taking_ you this time and you aren't taking her either. You're both… sharing each other.

You decide that you like that.

You bury your face in her dark bushy hair and breathe in her scent. It's heavy and overwhelming. It smells like the wilderness, warm breezes, salty ocean, and hot sun. You feel lightheaded.

Her body squirms against yours and she looks up just as you look down. Your two eyes meet her one and she mutters quietly.

"You thought I was beautiful?"

"Vriska, you _are_ beautiful."

And as your lips meet, you start to wonder if maybe you aren't as bad at this as you thought.

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are Jade Harley. Hope you brought your coats, cause it's cold as dicks out here.

You are slowly but surely making your way towards a set of docks erected about a mile south of your home. From there you could find transport to LOWAS and participate fully in this sloppy rescue mission.

Bec is trotting faithfully ahead of you, cutting a swathe though the thick snow and making it easier for you to walk.

"What a good dog." You smile. "You really are my best friend, huh?"

"Watch what you say, Harley. Some of your other friends might get jealous." Says a voice from behind you.

You whirl around, bringing your rifle up and pointing it directly into the sunglass-wearing face of one Dave Strider.

"But then again," Dave continues as if there isn't a gun pointed at his nose. "No one could replace me, right? I'm like the core of an apple."

"The part that everyone throws away?" You smirk and pat Bec's back. He was just as startled by Dave's sudden appearance as you were.

"Nope, the part that holds the seeds and after the body of the apple is eaten, I become fertilizer for the earth, giving birth to a bounty of fresh apple trees, each growing their own apples with their own cores. I perpetuate my existence through repopulation. Essentially I live forever, bitches." He throws a pair of middle fingers towards the sky and you fail to stifle a giggle.

"You know, I was really pissed at you until now." You admit. "Like I had this whole plan that as soon as I saw you I would give you this big talk about friendship and sharing and how you should always tell me what's going on. But now I see that I can never stay mad at you, Dave!"

"I know," Dave taps his shades. "It's because I'm cool."

"The coolest." You correct with a grin.

The corner of his mouth twitches up and from Dave, that's about as close to a full blown smile as you can get. You both simply just stand there and look happily at each other for a second.

Then you notice his clothes.

"Uh, Dave." You giggle lightly. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Oh, this old thing?" Dave does a full three-sixty spin, showing you his blood-red cape and hood. "I thought I'd dress up for you, Harley? Do you like it?"

"Do I ever!" You laugh and throw your arms around his neck.

He stiffens for a moment before returning the embrace. You're surprised by how warm he is. It's like there's a fire in his chest keeping him warm.

_"__Or maybe he's just hot."_

You giggle against his chest, grateful that you'd managed to not say that out loud.

"But in all seriousness," Dave steps back and you immediately miss his warmth. "I'm something of an ultra-god-mega-warrior now. More specifically, I'm the Knight of Time and I've come on my gleaming chariot to sweep you off your dainty feet and storm the castle, or something like that. Also, I can travel though time."

You're giggling until he gets to the last sentence, then you just burst out laughing.

"Dave, you're so silly!"

"No, I'm serious. That's a thing I can do."

"Whatever!" You grab his arm, ready to get back on your quest. "Look we need to get down to the docks so we can…"

You stop chattering when you see something that literally blows your mind.

Through the snow, a red blob slowly becomes more visible and soon enough, a second Dave is striding towards you over the field of white.

"Sup." Both Dave's greet each other in unison with a sweet fist-bump.

You don't really know what to say, so you just stare at both of them while Bec growls from your side.

"Yo, Harley." Says the second Dave. "Could you domesticate your wolf-beast a little more? I think he's a little discombobulated by this whole time-travel demonstration.

"This is a demonstration?" You ask, looking between both Dave's as you pat Bec's head.

"You bet your sweet ass, it is." The first Dave smirks again. "You didn't believe me, so I made a mental note to travel back in time an hour from now so that I could prove it to you."

"So an hour after this conversation," Second Dave picks up. "I travel back in time to right now, to prove to you that my time-travel powers are completely legit and totally sweet."

You just nod your head, feeling your smile creep back onto your face.

"Of course! I knew if anyone had awesome powers it would be you, Dave!"

"Damn straight." Both Dave's agreed.

"Well kids, this has been a regular blast, but I really should be heading back now. Future Jade and I were kind of in the middle of something." Future Dave spins his hands in a circle and two turntables materialize out of thin air. "See you bitches later." He says as he disappears.

You don't know for certain, but it feels like someone just played a totally wicked guitar solo somewhere in the distance.

"So anyway," The remaining Dave steps forward, holding out his elbow. You take it and together you both start forward again. "What were you saying about docks?"

"Oh yeah, this whole demonstration of raw magical power got me distracted, huh?" You clutch Dave's arm a little tighter and watch Bec plow ahead of you though the snow. With your two boys here, you feel a whole lot better about… well, everything! "There are some airships parked down by the frozen sea," You explain. "We can take one straight to LOWAS!"

"That sounds like a plan I can throw in a pan…" He begins.

"… And bake into something sweet!" You finish.

You bark with laughter while he smirks again.

You fully realize that Dave and your combo jokes aren't funny to anyone besides the two of you. But honestly, that just makes you appreciate them all the more.

"Why was I so disturbed by the prospect of marrying Dave?" You wonder.

"Wh- What?!" Dave heard you.

Shit. Think fast, Harley.

"I mean, why was I so disturbed by the prospect of… carrying… Maize?"

"Maize?"

"Yeah, you know… like… corn and shit."

"Oh."

You're a smooth as butter in a skillet, just sliding all over the place and coating the world in your fatty grease.

"So you have to carry Maize?" Dave asks.

"Oh yeah, all the time. It used to really bother me, but not anymore. HAHA!" You force the laugh and hope that he drops it.

"Oh, okay. I gotcha." Dave wraps his arm around your shoulder and you give a little '_eep' _of surprise. "When I was little my Bro used to drag me up to the roof of our apartment for rap battles. I didn't like them at first either, but now I'm like a rap master. This one time, Bro and I…"

He slows to a stop and you slip out of his grasp as you keep walking.

"Dave?" You turn when you realize he isn't moving.

"Uh, yeah?"

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I just… I…" He drags a hand over his forehead and you notice that it's slick with sweat.

"Hey," You take a step towards him and grab his hand as it moves back down. "Dave, what's wrong?"

"Just… thinking about my Bro, I guess"

"Don't worry," You smile brightly. "We'll find him!"

"That's what I'm worried about." He mutters darkly.

"I'm sure he's fine." You start tugging him forward again and he starts to move once more.

You both walk in silence down towards the docks, your smiling and enjoying the feeling of his slender fingers laced with yours, and Dave's scowling and kicking at the snow as he trudges on.

By the time you reach the docks the LOFAF sun is starting to set. Bec trots down to the edge of the frozen lake and stares out across the ice. You leave him to keep watch while you and Dave investigate the air-ship moored nearby.

"Who painted this thing?" Dave asks, inspecting the bright gold ship. "Scrooge McDuck?"

You snort with laughter and walk around the far side looking for a ladder.

"I don't know who painted it. This thing has just always been here."

"You've never taken to the skies in this bad boy before?"

"Nope, I don't really know how to fly it actually."

You find a ladder and ascend onto the deck of the ship. Every single inch of the craft is blindingly gold, but you don't really mind. It's a pretty color, in your opinion.

"Well it can't be that hard to fly, just kick it a few times." Dave advises as he climbs aboard.

"Yeah that always works in the movies, right?" You giggle.

"You're asking the wrong guy. Shitty movies are John's thing. I'm all about ill beats and radical tunes."

There's a wheel at the rear of the ship, probably for steering. As you examine it, you start to wonder about your other friends.

"Do you think Rose is okay?" You ask, absentmindedly scratching the wheel with a fingernail.

"I don't know." Dave is leaning over the side of the vessel, simply staring at the ground a few yards below. "But we're going to find out, okay?"

You smile.

"Okay!"

You nearly jump out of your skin when Bec starts barking like mad. You join Dave at the edge of the ship and you both stare at Bec. He's racing along the shore, barking, and pointing with his nose towards the sky.

You look up and see a blur of motion descending quickly through the dark clouds. You watch the blur crash into the frozen lake and descend beneath its surface just as the sun sets.

"What was that?" You ask.

"I don't…" Dave never gets to finish his sentence, because at that moment the blur blasts up through the ice again. The thing, whatever it is, lands on the shore next to Bec. You squint though the early evening light and are relieved to see that it's just Dave's Bro.

"Hey it's your Bro!" You smile widely. "That was a sweet dive he just did. It was probably really cold though. Do you think he needs a towel?"

Dave doesn't answer. He's frozen like a statue.

Bec is barking at Bro, but Bro doesn't seem to notice or care. He jumps up and lands gracefully on the deck of the ship.

"Wow that was a sweet jump!" You say.

"JADE, RUN!"

You're surprised to hear Dave scream, you've never heard his voice rise above an ironic level of volume. You're even more surprised when Bro lunges toward you, his sword flashing in the moonlight like a streak of silver.

Dave's suddenly in front of you, parrying Bro's sword with his own. Dave isn't using his typical katana. Instead he is wielding a medieval blade that easily looks ten times more threatening and over fifty times cooler.

You back up, grabbing your rifle off of your shoulder uncertainly. It's Dave's Bro! You aren't going to shoot him! You hope that this is just another one of their practice fights, but as soon as Bro slashes his blade across Dave's arm and then round-house kicks him in the face, you decide that this can't go on any longer.

The round-house kick delivered to his face via Bro's foot sends Dave tumbling over the side of the ship. You hear him land on the ground in a heap.

Your rifle is raised. Bro is coming towards you.

**STRIFE!**

You fire a shot that Bro deflects with his sword. Man he's really good at this!

You twirl out of the way as he makes a slice at your head and you hear the blade whistle past your ear with the power and volume of a speeding train. You cock your rifle and fire a shot at his stomach, close range. Bro flashsteps out of the way and the bullet blasts a hole in the deck of the ship.

Bro's closing in again, you raise your gun a little too slow and his sword comes down. The metal hacks through your rifle, and the barrel falls away to _thud_ against the deck of the ship.

There's also a lot of blood for some reason and it takes you a moment to realize that he has also chopped off two of your fingers in the process of disarming you.

Then you remember to scream.

You fall to your knees, pressing your bloody hand to your stomach. Tears are streaking down your face and your vision is swimming before your eyes. You look up and barely register that Bro is raising his sword once more.

"D-Da- DAVE!"

The sword descends, your eyes close and you hear a loud grunt.

You open your eyes just in time to watch Bec drag Bro over the edge of the ship. They both disappear and you hear them begin to tussle on the ground.

You're knees are weak but your force yourself to your feet. You wobble over to the wheel of the ship and slump down next to it. You need to get out of here.

"No! Not without Dave and Bec!"

You decide to at least start the ship though and see a button fixed next to the wheel. You punch it with your good hand. The ship buzzes to life underneath you and you sigh with relief.

You hear a loud howl of pain and recognize no human could have made that noise.

"Bec!"

You half crouch-walk/crawl to the railing and peer over to find Bec lying alone on the frosty ground. He's breathing heavily and there's a lot of blood leaking from his side.

You dangle you're good hand over the ground, as if offering him a lift up.

"Come on, Bec! Get up!"

He doesn't move, save for the short, rapid rise and fall of his chest.

"Come on, Bec! You can do it! Come on!"

Somewhere on the ground behind you, you can hear the clash of swords.

"Bec, please! You have to get up! COME ON!"

He's too heavy to carry normally, let alone with a wounded hand. You'd have to get him up the ladder too, which seems neigh impossible.

"Bec!" The tears never stopped flowing, but they're coming harder than ever. They're raining down on your best friend, dripping onto his fur and mixing with the blood. "You have to get up!"

You realize that you're gradually rising higher and higher into the air.

"No."

You turn and look at the wheel. It's turning gently, ever so slightly in the breeze.

"DAVE! BEC!" You yell but no one comes. You look back towards the ground, Bec is looking smaller.

"PLEASE!" You scream down to him. "BEC, COME ONE!"

He doesn't come. For the first time ever, Bec doesn't answer your call.

"You're such a good boy!" You scream down to him. He probably can't hear you though. "You're the good boy, Bec!"

The ship is higher than the snow covered trees now. You could stop the ship if you could just make it over to the wheel. However, your legs don't work and you're crying too much to see.

You squeeze your eyes shut, open your mouth, and scream until your throat is sore.

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too, being Jade Harley kind of sucks right now.

Not that being you is much better.

Your Bro punches you in the face and knocks you back on your ass. You try to push yourself back up again, but his boot comes down on your chest and the tip of his sword presses to your throat.

Over his shoulder you can see the golden ship sailing up through the clouds and you can hear Jade screams. You hear her shout your name a few times and you want to tell her that you're coming, but you don't.

She probably can't hear you.

And you're probably going to die pretty soon too.

You wait for the final little shove your Bro needs to end your life, but it doesn't come. He's just standing there above you, pressing on your Adam's Apple with his blade.

"Well look at that," As you talk the blade cuts into your neck. "You won. Surprise, surprise."

Bro is deadly silent. His face, impassive behind his dark, pointed shades.

"I don't know what's going on with you," You choke. "But this isn't you, Bro. You don't do this."

There is a vein pulsing on Bro's temple. It's swelling up rapidly giving you the impression that it might burst.

Very slowly you start to move your hands in gentle circles.

"Whatever has happened to you, I'm going to fix it." Your turntables materialize against your palms. "I promise."

In a flash, Bro is gone, the golden ship which was already slowly disappearing is gone, a dying Bec is gone, and now you are just lying in the snow all alone.

You're tempted to rest there, staring up at the sun for the rest of your life. It's better than facing Jade again or your Bro for that matter. How would Jade ever look at you the same, knowing that her good dog died because of your brother.

You roll over and bury your face in the snow. It's really cold and for a second you wish you were on LOHAC. Then you wish you were dead.

You hear voices, making their way towards you.

With a grimace you push yourself to your feet.

Might as well get this over with.

"Whatever!" A voice says. "Look we need to get down to the docks so we can…"

You stride forward and greet yourself with a simple "Sup" and a fist-bump.

Should you have told your past self what he was walking into?

Probably.

But you don't, something about your time-travel powers warns you against disrupting the natural progression of things. When you were Past Dave meeting Future Dave, you didn't get any warning and now as Future Dave you do not warn Past Dave.

That's simply the way things are.

Once that conversation is over, you time travel forward again.

You're back on the shore of the frozen lake, your Bro and Bec's corpse are now gone. You grab your sword from where it lays on the ground, sit on the beach, and cry for the first time in your life.

You'll call Jade later, make sure she's okay. She'll need you to be strong for her. John, Rose, Terezi, everyone will need you to be strong.

But right now, you're going to sit on the beach and you're going to cry. Because right now you don't feel very strong at all.

* * *

**So it turns out that I lied. We don't see Rose this chapter. However, she's coming up soon. I promise.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	5. ACT 1 - PART 5

**Chapter Five**

* * *

= Be Jack Noir

You are Jack Noir. A well-established douche bag.

Sitting in your throne room, staring at your paintings, listening to the _pit pat_ of rain the glass windows, you experience an emotion you've never felt before, until now.

You are fucking bored.

You had assumed that the players would come racing up to your castle, hell-bent on rescuing their friend, Rose. However, you haven't seen head or tail of those damn kids.

Maybe you made a mistake sending the brother out to kill them. It's possible that you overestimated the skills of the players. The only logical explanation for their absence is that: the brother was simply too much for a challenge for them to overcome. In short, they'll all dead now.

But that isn't possible, you tell yourself. You would know if all the players were dead. The game would be over. You would have already won.

So what, in the name of all that is evil, is taking them so long!?

Your head is resting against your palm when the door opens. It's a long walk from the main entryway to your throne, so you have a good amount of time to examine your visitor.

It's the brother. He has returned, and he is carrying… something.

Your black heart leaps. Could he have brought you one of the players? You had ordered him to kill them on sight, but then again you've always praised the brother on his resilience. It's possible that he's been fighting off your commands in favor of keeping the kids alive. It doesn't matter though, a death by his sword or by yours makes no difference.

The brother lays his delivery at your feet and you can clearly see who it is for the first time. Or, more accurately, _what _it is.

It's a dog. The brother has brought you a dead dog.

You resist the urge to start a very sarcastic slow-clap. Talk about a cock tease, huh? That was a whole lot of buildup for absolutely nothing.

You're about to condemn the brother to the same level of usefulness as the imps, until you notice something. The dog is still alive.

It's large chest is slowly, harshly, moving up and down with the ragged motion of life.

But that's not all folks! With your evil powers you can _sense _the dog. It has energy and power still inside of it. It has the strength of a wild animal and the knowledge of an elder human. This dog is actually quite the remarkable creature.

It appears that in penance for not completing the task that you had assigned him, the brother has brought you a little gift.

You banish the brother and then kneel down next to your present. With your dark magic, you will make this dog's strength your own. You will become more powerful than before, more powerful than ever.

In a matter of seconds, the process is complete. There are a few side-effects of course, but nothing you cannot handle.

It has happened. You're already blown up ego and self-assurance has been increased tenfold.

You are now Bec Noir.

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are now Karkat Vantas. You cannot fathom what you've just finished watching.

It's completely ineffable.

Jade and Strider verses that one human with the pointy shades and the sweet moves. Your little heart twists painfully as you watch Jade sobbing on the deck of her golden ship. It's drifting freely, heading vaguely in the direction of LOWAS. You'd lost track of Strider after he travelled through time, but you don't really care all the much about him. It's watching Jade, alone on that ship, that makes it hard to breathe on account of the lump forming in your throat.

You need to call a meeting _right now._

"EVERYONE GET YOUR ASSES UP! THIS IS IMPORTANT."

You tear off your head set, push back your chair, and clamber onto your desk, giving yourself a clear view of the entire room.

You watch as all of your fellow trolls (with varying amounts of annoyance) get up from their own chairs and make their way towards you. After they have assembled below you, you clear your throat before you begin speaking.

"As you all may know…"

"Excuse me," Sollux interrupts you in the first two seconds. "But is this going to take long? I was working on something."

"It will take as long as I want it to take, understood? Okay, as you all may…"

"Hold on a second," Gamzee interrupts two seconds after Sollux. "Is this about those motherfucking humans?"

"Yes! It's about the fucking humans!" You squeeze the bridge of your nose between your fingers and start again. "Okay, as you all…"

"Hehehe. Karkat!" Terezi cackles. "You keep getting interrupted. Hehe."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! DAMMIT! I SWEAR TO ALL OF YOU: I WOULD NOT BE WASTING MY PRECIOUS BREATH ON YOU FILTHY SLIME SUCKERS IF THIS WASN'T FUCKING IMPORTANT! SO JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN FOR A SECOND, OKAY?!" You heave a mighty sigh and press two fingers against your neck. Great, you're blood pressure is up. Could this day get any worse? "Alright, as you…"

"Ahem." You're surprised to find that it's Kanaya who interrupts you. That's a shame, you really liked her too. However, now she has to die. "Has anyone seen Eridan?" She asks.

You take a moment to scan the assembled crew. Vriska, Equius, and Nepeta are out of the base as of now, but you know where they are. The only member of your party that is unaccounted for is, in fact, Eridan.

"Where the hell is he?" You demand, looking from person to person. Everyone shrugs collectively, with the exception of Feferi. "You!" You jab a finger in her direction, causing her to jump visibly. "Where the fuck is that water-breathing, cape-wearing, fish-pailing, wizard wannabe?"

"Uh," Feferi shifts uncomfortably under your scrutiny. "Last I saw him, he was in his room."

"Well then go get him!"

"I- well… can't someone else do it?"

"What's wrong, Feferi?" Aradia pipes up. "Isn't he your boyfriend?"

Feferi looks like nothing would satisfy her more than to just melt into a puddle at this very moment.

"We uh, kind of… well, glubbed up." She crosses her arms over her chest and then amends herself forcefully. "I mean, _broke_ up."

"You broke up?" You repeat. "As in, you broke up right now?"

"Well it was like an hour ago." She addresses the group now. "You all know how demanding he is and just plain old dramatic and weird. It just wasn't working out!"

Everyone sighs collectively and there is a times seven face-palm combo. All the trolls assembled know that for the next decade they will probably be subject to the heartbroken moaning of Eridan's shattered love life. You try and resist the urge to kick something.

You fail and send your computer mouse flying across the room

"DAMMIT, FEFERI! YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED UNTIL THIS CRITICAL PART OF THE GAME WAS FINISHED!"

"I'm… I'm sorry! I just couldn't take it anymore!"

"I DON'T CARE, GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE AND GO MAKE UP WITH HIM. WE CAN'T BE DEALING WITH SLOVENLY BREAKUPS RIGHT NOW! THERE'S BETTER-QUALITY SHIT GOING ON!" You point towards the door and she scurries away, looking close to tears.

"You may have been a touch too tough there, Karkles." Terezi chuckles, leaning casually on her cane.

"Don't you dare," You hiss. "Fucking call me that name ever again, understood?"

Terezi doesn't flinch away from the malice in your voice. She simply grins and rocks back on her heels, fueling your already out of control hate-fire.

You take a second to get your breathing under control. There's no point in having a rage-induced seizure attack in front of everyone. You withhold your mental breakdown for another day.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! I HATE YOU ALL, ETCETERA, ETCETERA." You clear your throat and decide to not wait for the fishy love birds, Feferi and Eridan. You'll have Kanaya fill them in later. "Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, there's some important business to take care of. As you all may know, the humans have taken it upon themselves to royally fuck everything up by attempting a sloppy rescue mission."

"Who's been taken?" Asks Tavros unexpectedly. He looks worried and honestly, you're caught off guard by the thought that he would even speak up. Usually he's the one hiding in the back of the group during these important meetings.

"Rose Lalonde is being held in Jack Noir's castle on LOWAS." You allow Kanaya to explain. "The humans deem it prudent that her rescue be completed, before continuing on the next part of their quest. I agree with them, since it's likely the case that Rose will be integral to the success of their future plans."

If anything Tavros seems relieved by Kanaya's words. You'll investigate that at a later date, specifically when tempers aren't running quite as hot.

"Kanaya's right, it appears the humans are on a one track mind to save their friend. However, Kanaya is dead wrong in saying they actually _need_ Rose." You see Kanaya's face harden significantly. You'd suspected that she was getting too attached to the Rose Human. That's a problem. You need her unbiased opinion on things now more than ever. "If we can somehow convince the humans to abandon Rose then we can get on with the game and hopefully have all of this wrapped up by tomorrow morning."

"Good luck with that," Terezi chuckles. "Dave's not going to abandon his ecto-sister for anything and I doubt the other humans will either."

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT DAVE FUCKING STRIDER!" You roar before you can stop yourself. "He's a non-issue, completely irrelevant to this conversation!"

"Terezi may have a point though, Karkat." Aradia adds. "With the activation of SBURB all humans were killed except for the children and their guardians. Since there are so little of their species left, doesn't it seem important to keep as many of them alive as possible? Maybe we could help them rescue Rose?"

"NO! NO ONE IS GOING TO LOWAS AND NO ONE IS GOING TO BE FIGHTING JACK NOIR FOR THE LIFE OF ONE HUMAN!" You put your foot down now. There's no way your risking any of your people for Rose. "I've already got a plan in the works, to make sure that we can still win this thing. All you have to do is listen to me and do as your told, got it?"

"What's the motherfucking plan, motherfucker?" You can tell that Gamzee is getting bored by the proceedings.

"It's simple, we get all of the humans here and then order them to blow up the green sun and initiate the scratch. Jack Noir will lose his source of power, SBURB will be reset, and then we beat the game for real. Easy peasy!"

"All the humans are scattered though, how will we get them all here?"

"Good question, Sollux. We are going to split up, and go out there and find them. It'll be no challenge at all and you'll all be back here in no time."

"I'll go get Dave!" Terezi's hand shoots in the air.

"Fuck no!" You snap. "You're coming with me to get Jade. Sollux and Aradia will get Strider, and I'll have Equius and Nepeta bring John here. The rest of you will stay in base and give us tech support. Does everyone understand?"

They all nod. Terezi looks a little put out, but honestly you could care less. The further away you keep Terezi from Strider's annoyingly stoic lips, the better.

With a clap of your hands, the group disperses, with the exception of Terezi, Sollux, and Aradia. You jump down from your desk and address them.

"Get your stuff, we're leaving right now."

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you are currently resting on the hard floor, wrapped up in an embrace with your alien lover.

That's cool, right?

You are… happy. At least, you think you are. You've never been in love before, but you've read stories about it, seen countless movies about it, and witnessed it all of your life.

This is love, right?

You feel Vriska shift against you, grinding her body somehow closer to yours. She's deeply asleep, but her arm comes up and wraps around your back, pressing you closer to her chest. She mumbles something that sounds very similar to "_mine_" and you can't help but grin a little stupidly.

If this is love, then you're happily be in love with Vriska.

Her dark hair is hung over half of her face like a curtain, obscuring her missing eye from you view. Very gently, you slide your hand up Vriska's arm and brush the locks away, tucking them behind her ear.

God that eye is really fucking gross.

You force yourself to stare at it though, examining every stitch and watching as a single tear of blue blood leaks from the corner of her eye. You wipe it away and then cast about for something to wipe your hand with. You settle on your jeans, smearing a blue stain across your thigh, but not really caring.

You're still staring determinedly at her eye.

"_How could this ever work out?"_ You wonder. "_I mean, it's not like we could get married or anything."_

Karkat said you were Matesprits and you don't deny it. Is that essentially marriage or at least the Troll equivalent? Are you already bonded with Vriska for life?

You shiver involuntarily against her and she pulls you in tighter.

"_No, don't be stupid. Situations can change, people can change. Matesprits aren't for life, they can't be."_

It's hard for you to imagine yourself with a woman, alien or human, for an extended period of time. Your romantic life is a short story, one that might already be over. It consists of brutal breakups, one-night sloppy make-outs, and a girl named Sarah in the eleventh grade who flashed you for a dare.

As mentioned before, this is uncharted territory for you, dangerous waters that could swallow you up and then spit you out, sopping wet and with probably one type of alien disease or another.

Commitment doesn't frighten you; it's the _unknown_ that causes your chest to seize up.

What if Vriska stops liking you? What if you screw up? What if you break her heart? What if something _happens_ to Vriska because of you?

You're still looking at her eye, but right now it seems infinitely closer, and much more horrifying. You need some air. You need to breathe some damn air, right now!

With a skill you were unaware you possessed, you slip out of Vriska's grasp only managing to jostle her slightly. She curls up tighter around herself, frowning in her sleep, already missing your body next to hers.

You make your way across the room and slip out the door. You can feel the air in the lab, it's stale and recycled. It's full of gross chemicals and toxic fumes. You need _fresh_ air if you're going to survive the next few minutes.

The entrance to the lab is a heavy steel door. The handle is difficult to turn but after some work you force it open and stagger out into the night.

You expand your lungs, filling it with that beautiful LOWAS air. You're vision clears and in the distance you can see black clouds still swarming like mass of insects.

"_Rose."_

As far as you know, she's still there. She's still alone and afraid while you're spooning with your hot alien girlfriend and worrying about getting hitched.

You feel something bubbling in your chest, boiling like hot water. It's a feeling you're very familiar with. It's not anger. It's not love or hate. You, John Egbert, are being stupid.

Vriska is safe here. She's alive and well, and right now she's one of the few people in this universe that you still care about. That's why she will not be coming with you to save Rose.

You take one step forward, before a voice speaks up from behind you.

"Going somewhere?"

You turn around to find Equius leaning against the doorway, with Nepeta idly milling around by his side.

"I have to go save my friend." You tell them. "Keep Vriska here and keep her safe. I'll be back."

"We just got a message from Karkat." Equius joins you outside the lab. "He's ordered us to escort you back to our home base."

"I can't go with you, Equius. I'm sorry." And you mean it. These trolls have been nothing but helpful towards you, but you've wasted too much time already. "You can tell Karkat that I left without telling you or whatever you want, but I'm not going anywhere but that castle." You point towards the clouds for emphasis."

"But all by furself?" Nepeta slinks around Equius's legs and sets her big almond-shaped eyes on you. "That's so dangerous, Johnkitty. Jack Noir is really strong!"

"Well," You rub the back of your neck. "I was planning on getting in touch with Dave and Jade, but the more I think about it, the less I want them to come with me. I'm supposed to be their leader, but I don't have any idea what I'm doing honestly. I could be leading them to their deaths and I don't… I don't want anyone to get hurt. Not anymore."

Nepeta looks close to tears, which surprises you. You've only just met her and Equius mere hours ago and you've done little to endear yourself to them. Maybe she's just a really sensitive person?

Equius just stares at you. He's wearing his dark, cracked sunglasses and is sweating profusely, even though it is quite cold right now. You wonder if he was working out or something before he came out to talk to you.

"You feel the weight of responsibility heavily resting upon your blue shoulders." Equius begins. "As a leader it's understandable for you to wish to keep your subordinates alive and well. However, in battle it is important to keep emotions out of the equation. You must do the smart thing, John. Come with us, rejoin your friends, and then you will succeed in rescuing Rose."

You think about his words for a second. You won't deny that your feelings for your friends are swaying your judgment, but are you really doomed to failure just because you plan to go alone?

"I…" You turn and stare at Jack's castle. It's never been further. "I'll go with you, but just to meet up with Dave and Jade. After that, we're going to get Rose."

Equius simply nods and turns back towards the lab.

"We leave in sixty minutes." He says.

You give him a half-hearted salute and decide that the next hour is probably best spent on a walk, trying to clear your head. However, before you can take a single step, there is a sharp tug on your hood. You look down to find Nepeta clinging to you.

"Before we go, I have something to show mew."

"What do mew want to show me?" Nepeta beams up at you and you quickly correct yourself. "I mean, what do _you_ want to show me?"

Her face falls slightly but she continues to smile as she drags you back into the lab and down the hallway to her room. The walls are messily decorated with scratch marks and unintelligible finger paintings that give you the impression that you've just stepped into a prehistoric cave. In the corner where a bed should be is a pile of newspapers. You assume that's where Nepeta sleeps. At least, you hope that's what it is.

"I'm going to show mew…" Nepeta crosses over to another door. You assume it's a closet. "Something cool!"

She opens the door and slides inside, reappearing a moment later with a giant hammer dragging along on the ground behind her.

"Whoa! Where'd you get that?"

"Equius built it weeks ago. He doesn't use it though beclaws he likes to use his paws to fight." She holds the hammer out to you and you take it. It's pretty damn cool. "You can have it, Johnkitty!"

You give it a few experimental swings and the hammer (now dubbed "The Hammer of Zillyhoo", because why the fuck not) officially joins your inventory.

"Wow! Thanks a lot, Nepeta!" You look down at her and smile. "This is really…"

You're abruptly cut off when she pounces on you, pressing a messy, wet kiss to the corner of your mouth.

While you've been turned into a statue, she scampers across the floor to disappear into the closet. Only her large, luminescent eyes are visible. They peer out at you and you stare back, completely dumbfounded.

"For good luck." She says and you distinctly notice the lack of cat puns in that sentence.

"Uh, thanks… Nepeta." You grab your new hammer and abscond the fuck out of there.

You've never understood women before and it seems that the older you get, the more complex they seem to become. Nepeta is cute in the same way that a little sister would be cute. She may be nice, but you doubt you'll ever see her as more than a friend.

You have Vriska now anyways, and you're in love, right?

You decide that you should go wake her up and tell her what the new plan is. Now that you think about it, you would have been acting pretty rude if you'd just left earlier without saying goodbye.

She's already awake when you find her, pulling on her grey, ruined shirt and fixing her hair again so that it cascades down her back and shoulders. You don't know why you look at her hair so much. Maybe it's one of your kinks?

That's new. You've never had kinks before.

"Hey there, Pupa." You're happy to see that's she's smiling and moving around with a distinct spring in her step. You also notice that she's cannibalized a pair of sunglasses, fashioning a makeshift eye-patch. "I was just coming to find you."

She moves forward and kisses you quickly. It's better than Nepeta's kiss, more practiced and a lot smoother. You feel all hot again, although you don't seem to mind as much this time.

"Yeah, uh…" You find that you're still staring at her missing eye, even though it's now covered. "Listen Vriska, you don't, uh, have to wear those if you don't want to."

You gesture vaguely in the direction of her glasses whilst rubbing the back of your neck.

"You don't like them?" She reaches up and adjusts them slightly.

"What? No! They look totally cool, like really cool. Haha." You reach out and grab her hand, donning your most goofy smile. Amazing how after everything you can still feel bashful about holding a girl's hand. "It's just that, I don't want you to feel like you have to cover yourself up or anything. I don't have a problem with your eye. It actually makes you look even more badass! And here I was think that wasn't even possible, since you were already a paragon of badassery and…"

She cuts you off without another kiss. It's longer this time and a little more heated. When she pulls back, it's only slightly, so she's still close enough for you to feel her lips brush against yours as she speaks.

"Sometimes John, you just need to shut the fuck up, got it?"

You nod because you really don't trust yourself to speak without your voice cracking.

"Are you…" You swallow and feel her smile against you. "Are you wearing lipstick?"

Sure enough her lips are indeed coated thickly in blue. It tastes a little bitter, but you can appreciate how it looks in contrast to her ashen skin.

"Do you like it?"

You need to tell her the plan before your resolve breaks and you end up staying at the lab with Vriska forever. You came here to talk, not be tempted by her dangerous, feminine wiles.

"It's awesome."

A few more minutes of sloppy make-outs and some heavy petting later and you've finally worked up the nerve kill the mood.

"Vriska, wait." You grab her wrist, stopping her attempts to undress you. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Can't it wait? I'm feeling a little too hot and a little too bothered right now."

"No," You laugh. "This is important."

You lead her over to the metal table and you both sit.

"Karkat wants us to regroup back at your base."

"Oh that's actually great!" Vriska smiles and leans into you. "We could just chill out for a while. I might even be persuaded to watch one of you shitty human films!"

"Alright, well first off: My human movies rock ultimate." You'll have to show her all of your Nic Cage flicks eventually. "And secondly, I don't think I'll be staying there that long. After we get there, Dave, Jade, and I are going to rescue Rose."

"Well I'll be coming too of course!" She looks at you defiantly. As if she's daring you to deny her.

You nod in agreement and feel an uncomfortable squirm in your belly when she wraps her arms around you. Eventually she'll find out that you have no intention of letting her accompany you to Jack Noir's castle.

But hopefully by then, you'll already be gone.

* * *

= Be Aradia Megido

You are now Aradia Megido.

You and Sollux are trudging your way through the LOFAF snow and gradually reaching the last known location of Dave Strider. It would have been faster if you'd just flown there using one of the rocket cars at the base. However, you only have two and since Vriska stole one (and has yet to return it) and Karkat demanded the other one to find Jade, you are left to walk.

Sollux is grumbling under his breath and shuffling his feet, obviously distressed about something. You don't show any interest though, not because you don't care about Sollux, but because you don't really have much of an interest in anything anymore.

After you and your fellow trolls ended your own universe and sequentially failed to create a new one, things just ceased to matter in your opinion. Sure, you're still motivated to get out of bed, comb your hair, and debate with Karkat about the humans and their session, but it's all sort of procedural to you. Sometimes you just feel like a robot or something.

You also know that Sollux will eventually spill everything to you anyway. He always does. For years you've been one of his primary confidants. His other friends, Karkat and Gamzee, are good listeners on occasion, but more often than not Karkat is too busy being grumpy about something and Gamzee is too busy being a Gog-Dammed lunatic.

You know that he trusts you. Therefore, you wait and sure enough…

"I'm really pissed at Karkat." He grumbles loud enough for you to hear. His lisp becomes really distinct when he's frustrated and rather than finding it annoying or even funny like most others, you find his impediment to be endearing sort of.

"Pray tell?" You lift up your skirt to avoid dampening it on a pile of snow.

"Well…" Sollux scratches his nose uncomfortably and seems to struggle with whether or not his information should be shared or not. "If I tell you, Aradia, you cannot tell anyone else, okay?"

"You have my word that none other will hear of this conversation." You mean what you say. Why wouldn't you?

"Karkat made Feferi go get back with Eridan, when she didn't want to." You see his fist clench and his jaw tighten. He's really angry. "You see, the reason she broke up with him in the first place… was so she could be with me."

You stare at him, blinking slowly. It's only then that you realize that Sollux isn't angry; he's sad, really sad.

"I'm sure if you explained the situation to Karkat he would revoke his decision." You both pick your way around a few sparse trees and the edge of the frozen lake comes into view.

"Yeah maybe, but I mean… Karkat's also right about stuff too. It's probably simpler if Fef just gets back with Eridan. It would save us a lot of unneeded drama."

"You should do what makes you happy, Sollux."

"Heh, easy for you to say. Nothing makes you happy."

You don't deny it. Why would you?

"That is my advice, take it or leave it."

Sollux just nods and you travel in silence for a while.

"Thanks, Aradia." He says after a while.

"You're welcome."

You trek around a clump of trees and then you see him, a drop of blood against a sea of white. Dave Strider is sitting cross-legged on the edge of the lake. His head and shoulders are collecting snow and his sword is already half buried about a foot away from him. Something tells you to proceed with caution and you advise Sollux as such.

He can be a little whiny sometimes, but Sollux takes instruction better than anyone you know. The two of you creep down an embankment and stop a good three yards away from your target.

"Dave." You call. "Dave Strider?"

He starts suddenly and cranes his neck to look at you.

"Jade?" He asks.

"No," You come closer so that he can get a better look at you. "I'm Aradia."

"Oh yeah," He tilts his head slightly. "Tz told me about you. You're the zombie fashion queen, right?"

"I assume you mean Kanaya, and she's the _vampire_ fashion queen."

"Got it."

Dave makes no effort to move or even stand up. He's just sitting there looking at both of you. You can see that one of his arms has been cut and is staining his sleeve a rusty-red. There's also a tiny mark on his neck, which is trickling blood down his collar. He looks pretty shitty.

"Are you doing okay?" Sollux steps forward and Dave sets his eyes on him.

"Am I doing okay?" He repeats. "I'm doing _fantastic _man, what are you talking about? I'm just sitting right here sipping on some Apple Juice, about to call 'J', 'A', 'D', to the motherfucking 'E' again so we can set up our next bone session. How are you doing?"

You guess that Dave is being sarcastic, trying to teach Sollux a lesson about asking shitty questions. However, your troll friend takes it in stride.

"Oh, I'm good. Thanks for asking, man. I was going to offer to take you to Jade, but since you're doing _fantastic_ down here with your snow and your ice and your shit, I guess we'll just leave you to it."

"Yall know where Jade is?" He blurts. "I've tried calling her like a hundred times but she won't answer. I was just about to try John too…"

Dave looks infinitely more attentive now. You have to give Sollux some credit. It turns out he's just as good with people as he is with computers, which is to say, he's pretty good.

People _are_ sort of like computers, you suppose in some backwards, convoluted reasoning. They both hold information, have an on/off switch, and with the correct sequence of commands you can make either one do whatever you want.

"We don't know where Jade is." You step forward, cutting off Dave's ramblings and holding out your hand to him. "But we know where she's going to be."

* * *

**Next time on JOHN: TRY TO UNDERSTAND - **

**Multiple paths intersect and a descent begins.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	6. ACT 1 - PART 6

**Chapter Six**

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope

You are now Terezi Pyrope. You feel the wind tug at your hair and the skin on your face, and you try to resist the urge to raise your fists to the heavens and give your warrior cry.

You fail to resist the urge and as you raise your fists to the heavens a harsh voice yells over the wind.

"DAMMIT, TEREZI! STOP LETTING GO, YOU'RE GOING TO FALL THE FUCK OFF!"

You laugh and wrap your arms back around Karkat's waist. You're currently racing through the skies, riding on a rocket car built for one, and head towards the last known location of Jade Harley.

"Oh come on, Karkat." You coo in his ear. "Have a little fun! When do we ever get the chance to just go cruising, just the two of us? Hehe."

He shivers against you as you mold yourself more comfortably against his back. You like Karkat when he's angry, sad, hungry, tired, or whatever, but you like him the best when he's flustered.

You snake your tongue from your mouth and likely tickle his ear.

The rocket car swerves violently and you cackle loudly as Karkat struggles to get it under control again.

"FUCKING STOP IT! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE US CRASH YOU CRAZY CHALK EATING BITCH!"

Aw, Karkat always has such a way with words.

"I'm sorry. I just can't help myself. You know that you're cherry-red blood is neigh irresistible to my ravenous taste buds." You say.

"Terezi." He hisses and you feel him stiffen against you (and not in the fun way). "You promised you would not ever talk about… _that_."

Oops, you guess you forgot. Ever since _the incident_ you've kind of had Karkat under your thumb. He would be mortified if anyone found out about the delicious, fruity, silky-smooth red blood that flows through his veins.

"Sorry." You respond and you're surprised to find that you mean it. Teasing Karkat is fun and all, but everyone has their breaking point. You decide to change the subject. "So where's this Jade Human? I thought you said she was in this flying boat-thing. How are we even going to find her?"

"Kanaya's tracking her over LOWAS. Could you call her so that she can give us directions?" Karkat latches onto the new subject quickly.

"Yeah, no problem." You remove your hand from Karkat in order to quickly tap you glasses. Kanaya picks up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

You've always liked Kanaya's voice. Its lyrical qualities are like the smoothest draft of warm green tea that you can imagine and you take a second to relish its taste.

"Mmmmm. Hey, Kanaya."

"Terezi, I assume you're calling for further clarification on Jade's location?"

"Mmm. Oh yes, Kanaya. Oh yes, just like that."

Karkat twists his neck to cast you the most disgusted look he can muster and you burst out in another fit of cackles. You hear Kanaya sigh over the call and she decides to valiantly plow ahead with the conversation.

"Jade is currently three kilometers away from you position at fifty-three degrees due north. If you just head over the mountain range to your left, you should be able to see her."

You relay the information to Karkat and sure enough, after you clear the mountains you can see the golden ship. It's like a blot of golden honey amongst a sea of black-licorice oil and blueberry-blue hills.

"Thank you, Kanaya. We'll be back at home in no time. Keep my chair warm for me, will you?"

Kanaya hangs up without responding and you shriek with laughter once more. You've been trying to get the rise out of the vampire fashion queen for ages now, but she's just too regal to fall ill to your flirtatious shenanigans. Karkat on the other hand…

"Target acquired captain." You point over his shoulder and press yourself up to him again, causing him to squirm once more like a newborn wriggler.

He steers the rocket car downwards, a little jerkily, but you eventually draw level with Jade's golden craft. She's folded up against one of the railings and there is a moderately sized pool of strawberry smoothie, you mean blood, pooling around her, snaking out in dark tendrils across the deck.

"Oh shit." Karkat grunts and after parking the rocket car on the deck he leaps down and races over to the human girl. "Oh Gog, oh no. Shit, shit, shit."

You leap down after him and make a bee-line towards the wheel, which controls the ship. You bring the craft to a stop and watch as Karkat kneels over Jade. He takes her gently in his arms and rocks her gently against his chest.

"Is she dead?" You call over to him as you turn the ship around and set a course back toward home base.

"No, she's still alive. Step on it though, Terezi, she's lost… a fuck-ton of blood."

You've never seen Karkat act like this. You've never seen him _concerned _about anyone. A feeling you recognize as jealousy rises in your chest, but you smush it down. Now isn't the time to act out the stereotypical troll drama scenario. Lives are at stake.

You can't help but cast a glance over towards them though. Jade is grasping feebly at the fabric of Karkat's sweater and you swallow hard when you realize that her little and ring finger are missing from her left hand.

"Dave?"

Her voice is so quiet that you probably wouldn't have heard it if you didn't have enhanced hearing capabilities. Sometimes being blind has its perks.

Darkness falls over Karkat's face and he mumbles an even quieter "no".

You resolve to give him an easier time from here on out. Maybe you won't even hit on Dave as much, since you known Karkat doesn't like it. That's a serious '_maybe'_ though. A girl has to have her fun, right?

But as you gently steer the ship and watch Karkat softly brush away Jade's curtain of black hair, you really can't help but hope that one day you might be in her place instead. Well, maybe not _exactly_ her place, but you know what you mean.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you are currently the friendleader of the Humans, boyfriend of Vriska Serket, and HEIR OF BREATH. You have just arrived outside the troll's home base with your companions, the aforementioned Vriska, the hulking Equius, and the crazy cat bitch Nepeta.

"If anyone asks about the rocket car we crashed," Vriska hisses in your ear. "Just pretend you don't know what they're talking about, okay?"

"Uh, sure."

Vriska smiles at you and you grin back. Both of your fingers are interlocked together, but it feels more like she's trying to crush your hand. She's holding onto you like you might float away, which you just might, considering your recent acquisition of your powers of the windy persuasion.

She's happy right now though, and when she's happy you're also happy. You dread having to ditch her eventually, but you remind yourself that it's for her own good. You won't be putting her in danger again.

"Over here." It's Equius and he's pushing a boulder out of the way of an opening to a dark tunnel.

"Holy shit! I knew you trolls had a base, but I didn't know it was a _secret_ base!" The fact that it's hidden makes it easily a hundred and four times cooler.

"Well after our session went to shit, we had to hide from Jack." Vriska explains. "We've had to be careful. Up until you humans entered the medium, he was looking for us pretty vigorously."

You and the rest of your group climb into the tunnel and Equius seals it up again. As the boulder is pulled back into place, you're cast into darkness. There's only a light draft of air, pulling deeper into the cave. Without the LOWAS breezes swirling around you, you feel slightly dulled, like you're missing one of your senses or something.

"Gosh, this is worse than your lab Equius." You tighten your grip on Vriska.

"Don't worry," Nepeta says and she flicks on a flashlight that illuminates the tunnel ahead. "Once we get upstairs mew'll see how great this place is! It feels like furever since I've been home!"

Nepeta leads the way, half skipping and running down the tunnel, up a set of stairs, through a set of doors, and finally into a large rectangular room. All along the walls there are desks, each with their own computer setup. There are a few trolls you don't recognize and one human that you do.

"Dave!"

"Sup, Egbert."

You resist the urge to give your best friend a hug. You don't want to embarrass him in front of your alien friends.

"Dude, are you alright? You look like shit!"

"Wow thanks, man. You sure know how to make someone feel good about themselves. You're like the teenaged Nicholas Sparks, except of inspiring young girls to find true love; you're being a total downer. You've just drenched my self-esteem with a fire hose of hot piss. Thanks."

"Gross and who's Nicholas Sparks?"

"Never mind."

Dave looks pretty disheveled. There's a bandage around his arm and a nasty bruise has formed on his cheek. Other than that though, he's looking pretty awesome in that sweet cape.

"Sweet cape by the way."

"Thanks, it is pretty cool, huh? Some would even say it's to die for."

"I'd hate to interrupt this strangely loving reunion before it completely dissolves into heart-felt confessions of hidden feelings, but there's kind of a reason you've all been brought here." A troll who's been standing off to the side until then, steps up and you guess that he's Karkat.

"I guess you're Karkat then huh?" You say, stepping forward to shake his hand.

He slaps your hand away quickly.

"What the fuck are you doing, Egbert!" He snarls and takes a step back.

"I was just going to shake your hand." You explain, and then remember that there is a vast cultural difference between the two of you. "It's an act of friendship for humans, Karkat."

"Let's get one thing straight," Karkat points between you and Dave. "You two wastes of space are not my friends. The only reason we're working together is because we have a mutual enemy and similar goals. If it was up to me, you wouldn't even be here."

"Oh, that's not true." Sings a female troll. She's wearing red-tinted sunglasses and she moves forward to throw her arms around Dave. That must be Terezi. "It was so embarrassing how much Karkat was fretting over you guys. The moment he saw that you were in danger he gave the order for us to find you. You should have seen him crying over Jade."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Karkat suddenly roars, causing you to jump in surprise. "GOG-DAMMIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? You know what!? I'm done! KANAYA!" A pretty female troll, wearing a long red skirt comes forward when her name is called. "Take care of this!" He snaps at her.

Karkat then turns on his heel and stalks away from the group, slamming a door against the far wall behind him as he exits. Terezi looks after him a little guiltily.

"Well then." Kanaya claps her hands once and interrupts the silence that fell after Karkat's departure. "You've already met our leader, Karkat." She smiles and you realize that you already like this troll woman. "John, this is Terezi, Aradia, Sollux, Gamzee, Tavros, and I'm Kanaya. Feferi and Eridan are around here somewhere. I'm sure you'll meet them later."

"Nice to meet you!" Everyone looks really nice, except Aradia who's been sitting at her computer this whole time, not looking up even when she was introduced. You decide that Dave should meet your companions. "Dave, this is Equius, Nepeta, and my… uh, Vriska."

"Hey," Says Vriska and she smiles at Dave. "Nice to meet you cool kid, I'm the girlfriend."

Dave simply stares at Vriska for a second, before looking at you. He looks back at Vriska one more time, before giving his signature smirk.

"Damn, Egbert I didn't know Vriska was _hot_. Who would have guessed that you have game?" He ruffles you hair and you shove him away. You're smiling though. "I guess you're like the love child of Nicholas Sparks _and_ Casanova, with a little bit of Michael Cera mixed in to add some of your natural awkwardness and charisma."

You still don't know who Nicholas Sparks is, but you do like some films with Michael Cera. You decide to take Dave's words as a compliment.

It takes a while for you to properly meet everyone, but eventually Kanaya gets down to actually explaining the whole plan to you and Dave. Apparently, before Rose was taken she and Kanaya had a pretty in-depth discussion on how to rebuild the universe. It essentially comes down to this: blow up the green sun and weaken Jack Noir and then initiate something called the scratch to reset the game. A new session will be created, a session that is potentially beatable.

It's a more complex plan than the one you originally concocted, which boiled down to Jade catching frogs and you going to kill Jack Noir because Vriska told you to. Leave it to Rose to actually figure out what the fuck it is you're really supposed to do.

It's times like these that you really appreciate the intelligence of your female friend. Without her you'd be stuck with no course of action whatsoever. And without her you have no chance of progressing.

"So now that you're both here, you will have to split up and carry out the two components of the plan." Kanaya finishes her speech.

"What about Rose," You interject. "And Jade? Isn't she supposed to be here?"

"Jade is resting at the moment. She was injured during a fight."

"A fight? With whom?" Jade's the nicest girl on the planet. You can't imagine her picking a fight with anybody.

"My Bro." It's Dave who answers quietly. He's propped up against one of the desks, arms crossed and face impassive.

"Really? Shit, Dave I'm really sorry." If Bro tried to hurt Jade, he must have also tried to hurt Dave. You can't imagine what it must be like to fight your own brother.

He shrugs and you can tell that he doesn't want to talk about it.

"Well, what about Rose." You repeat.

Kanaya doesn't respond, except to shift her feet uncomfortably. You don't expect Gamzee to answer for her.

"Karkat doesn't want you to go after your human friend. He says it's a motherfucking lost cause." He says.

"Well Karkat doesn't know what the hell he's talking about." Dave snaps. "It he expects us to just leave Rose to whatever twisted fate Jack Noir has up his filthy sleeves, then he's got another thing coming."

"I agree with you that Rose deserves to be saved." Kanaya speaks slowly. "But you have to face the facts. Jack Noir… he's too strong. You'd never make it even close to Rose."

"I'm not afraid of Jack Noir." Vriska says from her spot next to you. "Me and John were going to kick his ass earlier and we can do it now too. Give us a vehicle and we'll be back with little miss perfect before you can say _'Ah shit. Where are John and Vriska? I hope they aren't getting it on under that desk'."_

"You aren't getting another vehicle if I have anything to say about it." Grumbles Equius. "I already have to replace the one you took earlier. Do you have any idea how long that's going to take?"

"You lost the rocket car?!" Kanaya bristles.

"No! I don't have any idea what Equius is talking about. Right, John?" Vriska bumps you in the shoulder and suddenly every eye is on you.

"I… uh, think that Karkat is right about Rose." You decide to subvert the pointless direction this conversation is heading and take a detour to the real shit. "We don't have time to waste on a sloppy rescue mission right now. Dave and I will follow the plan and… Rose will have to take care of herself."

Everyone is silent. You doubt anyone expected you to say that.

Kanaya is staring at the floor, Vriska is looking at you like you've grown two heads, and Dave's mouth has all but disappeared. You can't see his eyes behind his shades, but you're pretty sure that's a good thing. You couldn't look him in the eye at the moment.

"If it's alright with everyone… I think I'll go visit Jade now. You know, before Dave and I go to blow up the sun or whatever." You turn to leave and no one stops you. Vriska's hand slips out of yours and you walk straight towards the door that Karkat left out of.

On the other side is another hallway, with numerous doors on every side. You don't know which one Jade is behind, but you just start walking anyways. You're sure that you'll find her eventually.

Suddenly there is a hand on your shoulder. It's Dave.

"Hey, man. Look I…"

"Do you think I'm an idiot, John?" Dave cuts you off.

"What?"

"Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Uh… no?"

"Then why do you think I'd let you go and rescue Rose by yourself?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, give me a break. I'm your best friend. I can tell when you're spouting off bullshit. As soon as you say goodbye to Jade, you're totally going to fly all the way to LOWAS and get yourself killed."

"Psssshh." You snort. "Come on, Dave. Now you're acting like an idiot. That totally isn't my plan at all."

"Yeah sure. Hey! Can we skip this part and just cut to where you let me go with you?"

You're silent for a moment. Dave's standing pretty close to you and from this distance you find it much harder to flat out lie.

"Fuck, dude. I don't want you to get hurt."

"It's too late for that. I'm like a sponge that absorbs pain instead of a soapy hydrogen/water compound. It's either you let me go with you or I follow you anyways. It's your choice, man."

You think about putting up more of a fight and denying Dave. You even consider knocking him out with the Hammer of Zillyhoo and leaving him in a closet somewhere until it's all over. However, you see determination in his face and the kind of strength that comes only when you want to prove yourself.

"Fine you can come, but no one else is. There's absolutely no way that either Vriska or Jade can find out about what we're doing or anyone else for that matter.

"You got it, man. Jade is staying here."

"Like hell she is!" A voice hisses form behind you.

You and Dave both wheel around and groan in unison when you find Jade standing in a nearby doorway. She's wearing her winter coat and pants still, although her ear muffs are gone and her left hand is swathed in bandages. Jade looks a little pale, but otherwise perfectly fine.

"Fuck, Harley!" Dave hisses back. "Go back to bed!"

"No. I'm coming with you too."

"Jade, it's good to see you." You say. "But seriously, go the fuck to sleep. Pretend you didn't hear anything okay."

"No. I'm coming." She steps out into the hall. "How are you going to get there? Are you going to take the only rocket car left? It's only built for one person you know. How are you going to get Rose back? Is she going to sit on John's lap or something?"

You feel your face begin to turn red and you don't know if it's because you're angry or because the thought of Rose sitting anywhere on your body makes you feel a little queasy.

"We'll figure that out later." Dave grabs Jade's arm and starts trying to shove her back into the room. "Just stay out of this okay. I'm not going to let you leave."

"If you're going then I'm going!" She spits and struggles against Dave's grasp. "Rose is my friend too! And I know where the air ship is! It's big and fast and gold and I'm the only one here that can fly it!"

She braces herself against the doorframe and succeeds and shoving Dave away from her.

"You've excluded me enough!" She shouts. You're beginning to worry that one of the trolls will hear and come put an end to your re-invigorated sloppy rescue mission before it even begins. "You fuckasses need me, okay? So just accept it and shut the hell up!"

Dave looks ready to argue until to the death, but you decide to put an end to it.

"Fine, Jade you can come." Dave shoots you a mutinous look, but you ignore him. "Let's just go before anyone else finds out."

With a grin and a nod Jade grabs your arm and leads you down the hall towards the hangar where the golden ship is being kept. Dave follows, grumbling the whole way.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are Rose Lalonde.

You are currently sitting on your bed in your bedroom, of course. Your mother is probably downstairs somewhere, halfway through a bottle of vodka. Eventually, you'll have to go downstairs and face her during the mental strengthening exercise known as "Dinner".

You scoff to yourself as you type quickly and efficiently into your laptop, which is sitting on your lap. You don't enjoy eating with your mother. More often than not, the time you spend sitting around the table with that woman is filled with repetitive, nonsensical jabs at your psyche.

"_How was your day, honey?"_

"_What are you working on?_

"_Do you want to watch a film later?"_

That sinister woman and her alcohol fueled queries, which only exist to distract you from the nonverbal session of jousting currently waging between you.

"_It was fine, mother."_

"_Just more literature, mother."_

"_No, mother."_

She can't out-fox you though. You're answers are just as effective at wearing her down as her questions are.

She can't outsmart you. She can't distract you from…

"ROSE!"

You start when the voice shouts in your ear. You're mind was beginning to drift.

"Sorry, John. I was just… thinking. I apologize for being…"

"ROSE, HELP ME PLEASE!"

"What's going on?!" You open the viewfinder and search for John on your monitor. "John, what's wrong? Where are you!?"

"THE ROOF, ROSE! I NEED YOUR HELP PLEA…."

"John! I don't… what?!" With a few clicks John's rooftop comes into view.

The icy claws of fear wrap around your spine, squeezing and pulling from inside your own body.

John is being murdered by imps right in front of your very eyes. He's being ripped apart, limb from limb, screaming your name at the top of your lungs.

"ROSE! ROSE! ROSE!"

"JOHN! HANG ON. JUST HANG ON, OKAY?!"

You click, you type, you scream and cry, but nothing is working. Your computer is dead, but you can still see him being torn to shreds. He screams your name until his throat no longer works and his body goes limp.

You'd failed. John is dead. It's all over.

"NO! JOHN, PLEASE!"

You thrash furiously, kicking and punching at everything you can reach. Your bed sheets are wrapped around you like a great, slimy python and the lights of your room fade, giving birth to an endless, horrible darkness.

"I'M SORRY, JOHN! I TRIED, I REALLY TRIED!"

More thick arms wrap around your middle, your arms, your legs and your face. You scream and kick and punch, but you can't escape. Everything, the arms, the darkness, even the air is heavy and overwhelming. You know there is no escape, but you try anyway.

Your friends aren't coming for you, no one is. They hate you. They hate how analytical and paranoid you are. They've never enjoyed talking to you online, they simply tolerated you. You're alone now, just like always.

You're all alone.

"_You aren't alone, Rose."_ Says a voice of smoothest silk. _"We're here for you. We'll always be together, Rose."_

"NO!" You struggle some more. It's still futile.

"_Just relax. You're safe, Rose. You are safe with us."_

"NO, PLEASE! I don't… I don't want…"

Your voice is fading. You're getting weaker.

No one is coming to save you.

You lash out with all of your strength and a tentacle around your wrist retreats into the darkness. Thoughts flood your mind and as if a switch has been flicked, you remember everything.

SBURB, John, Dave and Jade, your mom, the trolls, the imps, Jack Noir, John's dad, and the horror terrors, you remember everything.

You kick out and another tentacle disappears. You reach up with your free hand and claw at the darkness. Your other hand rises too and slowly, so very slowly, you begin to ascend.

The darkness is sliding past you. It's pressing on you from all sides, squeezing you fiercely and trying to keep you under.

"_You can leave if you want, Rose. But we'll always be here."_

It doesn't matter if no one is coming. You've never needed anyone before and you don't need anyone now.

With one last desperate reach you hand encounters something solid. It's a ledge.

You pull with all of your might, climbing up and flopping a little ungracefully onto solid ground.

You are free… kind of.

Skin of grey, eyes of white, heart of black. You swear to make Jack Noir pay for what he did to you.

With a swish of your wands, you fly. You burst upwards, though the dungeons, up through the throne room, and finally explode out into open air. You can see the roof of the castle tower below you. There, John's dad still lies dead in his own blood.

You are going to make Jack Noir pay.

You are going to kill him.

It's time.

Seer: Descend

* * *

**H****ere's where things start to kick off in my opinion. I'm really looking forward to writing these scenes.**

**I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. I'm having a blast writing this.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	7. ACT 1 - PART 7

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

= Be Feferi Peixes

You are Feferi Peixes. You have never been more uncomfortable in your entire life.

"Eridan?" You knock on your recently made 'Ex' boyfriend's door. "Come on. Open up, please?"

"Go! Away! Fef!"

You give a great, powerful sigh. You're beyond exasperated with Eridan and this whole rotten situation. You should have known that if breaking up with him was hard, getting back together would be near impossible. You'll have to go back to Karkat and explain that you did everything you could and that Eridan is just a lost cause.

"I'm not going to ask again. Open this door, Eridan!" You wait five seconds. Ten seconds. Fifteen seconds. "Alright, I'm gone!"

You turn as the door opens.

"You have five minutes." Eridan snaps.

You roll your eyes and step into his room once he steps aside. His room is very… colorful, almost as much as Eridan himself. Every inch of the floors, walls and ceilings are painted one color or another. There are statues of deep sea creatures and deities, which you can appreciate considering your shared heritage.

Maybe that's what drew you to Eridan in the first place. You're the last two sea dwellers in the entire universe. The other trolls are liable to sometimes see you as below their land dwelling social class, which is annoying, sure, but tolerable. You and Eridan are often lumped together for assignments and whatnot, but other than that, you honestly don't have that much in common.

Eridan takes the only chair and crosses his legs at the knee, leaving you to lean against one of the walls. You aren't going to sit on the cot or anywhere near his recuperacoon, too many recent and frankly unpleasant memories there.

"Listen, Eridan." You begin. "I think that maybe I was a little too… brash earlier when I…"

You stop talking when you notice that he's crying.

"Oh for glub's sake." You gasp and perform an excellent face palm. You knew this was going to happen.

"I- I don't understand, Fef." He splutters. "I do- everything I can. I try to be a good Matesprit, but you just play me like some human yo-yo. Back and forth, back and forth. Fef, I can't take it anymore!"

"Ugh!" You throw your hands up in the air. "I knew you were going to do this Eridan! You make everything into this big complex kerfuffle. This was obviously a big mistake. I'm leaving." You make for the door, but your path is instantly blocked by five feet of pure metro-sexual troll.

"Here we go. See! You're walking out on me again!" He cries. He's waving his hands around a lot, causing the gold bands around his knuckles to _clink_ merrily. "I'm a human yo-yo to you! A human yo-yo!"

"Get out of my way, Eridan." Your hand is drifting slowly to your waist. You always keep your double sided trident tucked away in the waistband of your skirt, just for scenarios such as this.

"NO! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE TREATING ME LIKE DIRT!" He's really excited now. When did he get that wand in his hand? What is he doing?

Suddenly Eridan's wand is pressed up against your face (and not in the fun way).

"Eri…"

"Shut up, Fef!" He snarls. "You shut your damn mouth. You think you're so high and mighty because your ancestors were royalty? But you're not so special. I'm special, Feferi! Me!"

"Yeah, I got you. You're special, Eridan" You're scared, no scratch that, you are _terrified_. You've never considered Eridan to be the violent type and you never thought that you'd end up in a situation like this, with him.

It also seems odd that he would bring up your ancestors like this. He knows full well that your royal family died along with everyone else when your session began and that you would never consider yourself above Eridan or anyone else.

Your hand wraps around your trident. In a second you could disarm him and escape. You can warn the other trolls, figure out what to do with Eridan.

"Do you want to know who thinks I'm special?" Eridan asks. You don't answer, but it doesn't matter because he's going to tell you anyway. "Jack Noir."

You're so stunned that you forget to pull out your trident and spear Eridan like yesterday's shish kabob.

"That's right." He continues. "We've been conversing over the headset for months. All those days you thought I was up in my room combing my hair, I was actually talking to him. He taught me magic and in return I promised to tell him the location of our secret base."

"Eridan, you didn't…"

"Of course I didn't! Not yet. I needed to insure that his teachings were legitimate. After today it won't matter though anyways. I'm leaving, Fef. I will join my master and together we will rule the universe!"

You're knee comes up and catches him directly in his groin. It's a cheap shot, but you could really care less. You have to get to the other trolls. As Eridan is doubling over in pain you make a break for the door. It's so close.

You can already imagine what you're going to say to Karkat. If you get the word out fast enough, then maybe you can put a stop to this madness before it begins. Eridan cannot be allowed to leave. He knows too much about the plan. He knows too much about all of you. He can't…

You don't feel Eridan's beam of magical energy bearing down on you until it's too late. The magic burns through your back and bursts out of your chest. You watch a black, perfectly round circle of ash be burnt in the wall in front of you. Then everything goes black.

**YOU ARE DEAD.**

* * *

= Be Sollux Captor

You are now Sollux Captor. You feel a disturbance in the force, but you ignore it since you have more important stuff going on at the moment.

You're an expert computer hacker/programmer, but somehow it's also been misconceived that you're a wizard in all things electronic. You've been stuck with the job of helping Equius rebuild a new rocket car for your parking garage, which basically that means you get to hold the flashlight.

"Not on my face!" Equius barks for fifth time.

"Oh, shit. Sorry." You readjust the direction of the beam whilst Equius mutters something about _'low-bloods'_.

The hangar feels kind of empty without the second rocket car. Equius had originally built the things so that you and the other trolls could go out on supply runs whenever food started to run short. With one being destroyed, it meant that your food supply was essentially cut in half. That's a problem since trolls tend to get a little cranky when their hungry and with all of you locked in a bunker inside a mountain, there's bound to be some trouble.

For not the first time, you curse Vriska for stealing the rocket car and ruining it. Doesn't she ever think about the consequences of her actions?

Right now Equius is half underneath a rusted hunk of metal, which in time should hopefully become a solution to your problems.

"Hey, dude. Where's that golden air ship that was supposed to be down here?" You ask.

"Who knows?" Equius answers. "I wouldn't be surprised if Gamzee or Vriska stole it for a joy ride."

"You don't think one of those humans could have taken it?"

"No. I don't think any of them are capable of taking that ship."

"Why not?"

"I've already examined them extensively. Jade is obviously still resting in Karkat's room. Dave wouldn't go anywhere without Jade. And John is too level-headed to go running off doing something foolish."

"He ran off with Vriska, didn't he?"

"I stand corrected. John without the influence of that vile she-troll wouldn't do something that foolish."

You're surprised. You would never have guessed that Equius held any of his fellow blue bloods in low regard.

"You have beef with Vriska?"

"I do not have processed human cow-meat with anyone, Sollux. I simply do not think that she makes the best choices on occasion."

"That's just a fancy way of saying that she's a huge bitch, right?"

"Your words, not mine."

You laugh and turn to look when the door across the room creaks open.

"Oh. Hey, Eridan." You greet the fish-troll with a fake smile. Karkat doesn't want anymore drama being stirred up, so you'll keep your grievances to yourself for the time being.

"Why hello there, Captor." Eridan doesn't seem to have the same mind-set as you do. He looks full on pissed and the way he says your last name makes it sound like some kind of filthy bulge disease.

Equius must sense the tension, because he slides out from under the beginnings of the new rocket car and stands up next to you.

"What's your business here, Ampora?" He asks in his deep, bass tones.

"No business Equius, just…" He pulls a wand out from under his robes. "PLEAUSRE!"

The beam of pure metro-sexual magic blasts straight towards you. With only a split second to react, you whip off your heterochromatic glasses and meet his magic beam halfway with your own optic blast.

The resulting explosion knocks you back off of your feet and you tumble head over heels before slamming into the far wall. Your head feels like someone just hit it with a sack full of rocks and a sharp pain in your leg heavily implies that the bone is now broken.

That lunatic just attacked you! What's his problem? Why is he doing this? And where the hell is Feferi?! Wasn't she going to talk to him?

You need to get up, beat the shit out of this dude, and then find Feferi to make sure that she's okay.

With some effort, you stagger upright and use the wall as support. Equius is lying in a heap nearby, hopefully unconscious and not dead, and Eridan is slowly climbing to his feet across the room.

You grit your teeth and start limping towards him.

**STRIFE!**

You haven't done this in a while, but you're sure the rules haven't changed since the last time you've been in a ruckus.

You're both supposed to trade attacks back and forth until the other one is unable to continue or is dead. You're thinking that '_too the death_' sounds pretty good right about now.

Eridan sends another magic beam in your direction with a flurry of his wand, but you deflect it with another well aimed blast of the optic persuasion. Even with your broken leg, Eridan doesn't have a chance in hell of beating you.

He started using that dumb wand, like what? Three weeks ago? While you've been shooting Faygo cans out of the air since you were barely a wriggler. You'll have this battle wrapped up in…

The next magic beam hits the ground to your left and the shockwave pushes you off balance. You fall to your knee and cry out in pain when your injured leg is jostled sharply.

Well you guess everyone deserves a lucky shot every once and a while.

Eridan raises his wand again. You squint and aim another shot towards his face, prepping a final blast to end all blasts…

Then something clubs you hard in the back of the head.

Your forehead bounces once on the floor, and then you go still. With a herculean amount of effort you twist your neck and gaze up into the face of Gamzee.

"Honk honk, motherfucker."

His club descends upon you and you see no more.

**YOU ARE DEAD.**

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope

You are now Terezi Pyrope. And it's time to do something you haven't done in a long while.

You're about to apologize to Karkat Vantas.

The jab towards him about his concern for Jade was kind of a low blow. You allowed emotions to get in the way of your harmless prankster's gambit and now Karkat's probably nursing a bruised self-esteem and weeping himself to sleep on the roof.

Sure enough, when you ascend the multitude of steps and climb out into fresh air, Karkat is sitting on the ledge of the base and watching the moon drift lazily across the night sky.

"Is it hot out here or is it just you?" You plop down next to him and shoot a toothy grin in his direction.

"Fuck off, Terezi." He looks away from you and towards the ground far below.

"Aw, don't be like that. You know you love me, Nubs."

He shivers when you call him '_Nubs_' and you know why. That's your pet name for him. It was created years ago, during a night with too much Faygo, too much confidence, and too little self-respect.

You don't regret your history with Karkat. You just see it how it is.

"Why do you always have to give me such a hard time?" Karkat blurts. Ah there it is. You knew you'd whittle him down easily enough. "I mean, I'm having a hard enough time as it is trying to be a leader for this motley crew of psychos without you poking me in my metaphorical ribs all the time."

You wish you had a straight answer for his question. The phrase '_tough_ _love'_ seems to sum it up pretty well, although you don't feel like stooping to low human terminology for this particular conversation.

"One of us has to keep you on your toes. It might as well be me, right? At least you don't ever have to worry about me taking it too far?"

"You don't think what you did in there was taking it too far?" He snaps. "You've got your cute, little fingers all up in Strider's business all the damn time and the one second I decide to feel something on the warm spectrum of emotion for Jade, you take it upon yourself to call me out in front of everyone."

"You think my fingers are cute? Hehe."

"Dammit, is that all you took from that? Just forget it then." He stands up and makes for the door, but you cut him off. For a blind girl, you've got quite the level of agility.

"Forget I said that. I'm just trying to get under your skin again." He tries to step around you but your hands come down on his shoulders to hold him in place. "You're a good leader, Karkat. Much better than anyone ever gives you credit for. But sometimes you just have to unwind a little bit."

Your take your hands from his shoulders and slowly bury them in his mess of shaggy hair. You can already smell his scrumptious, red blush beginning to creep into his cheeks. With one kiss you can end it all, put a stop to his little fit of self-doubt and aggression, and take a step in the right direction, the sort of direction that leads towards the empty pail in your closet.

However his hand on your arm stops you an inch away from his lips.

"Contrary to popular belief," He breathes against you. "I have still have a shred of self-respect rolling around somewhere in dark rage infested center of my brain. I'm done with you, Terezi. You can have Strider for all I care."

"Karkat, you don't mean that." But it's too late. He's brushed past you and is reaching for the door. "Karkat…"

A loud _buzz_ from his pants pocket cuts off whatever bullshit you were going to make up to convince Karkat that the two of you still had a chance together. He stops to dig his hand in to his pocket and after a second of fishing, he pulls out his communicator.

"Kanaya?" He answers. "What?! Slow down. What's happening?! Kanaya, calm the fuck down!"

He goes silent and you can hear Kanaya's smooth tones, slightly muffled, emanating from the device. Slowly, Karkat looks up and his eyes meet yours. No words are spoken, but you know that whatever case you were going to plead for your relationship is currently on hold.

Karkat charges through the door and sprints down the stairs with you quick on his heels. Your cane is clutched in your hand uselessly, but you don't need it. You can hear Karkat huffing and puffing in front of you and you know that wherever he's heading, that's where you'll be needed.

He takes a hard left once he reaches the main floor and you follow him out into the computer room. A sour smell feels your nostrils and you can taste the coopery, rust colored blood.

"Vriska!" Karkat cries. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

Vriska is standing over Tavros, poised to deal a killing blow to the crippled troll. His nose is bleeding, explaining the sour smell currently leading an assault on your nose. Kanaya is standing by her computer, looking unsure about what to do, and Gamzee is sitting calmly in his chair, watching the proceedings with a little too much interest.

"He's a little rat!" Vriska snarls "John left and Tavros here wasn't going to tell us anything!"

"What! Tavros, what is she talking about?" Karkat steps forward, looking to defuse the situation.

"Yeah, Tavros! Tell us." Vriska feints a punch and Tavros recoils visibly.

"I- I saw them leave… on the viewfinder. They took the ship. They…"

"Planning on keeping this little tidbit of information to yourself, huh?" Vriska has grabbed Tavros by the lapels and is now shaking him violently. "You were just going to go let John get himself killed! You didn't like the idea of me being with anyone else, right?! You want John out of the picture!"

"NO! No, I just didn't want to be the bearer of bad news!"

Tavros is right about one thing: this is bad news. The humans have apparently taken it upon themselves to risk everything once more by running off to save their friend, Rose. You wonder how they managed to leave without anyone noticing, save Tavros.

If all of the humans die, then all hope really is lost. You can smell the wheels turning in Karkat's head. He's most likely having a hard time grappling with all of this new information. You're about to offer to go after the humans on the last rocket car when a sickening _squelch_ draws your attention back to Vriska and Tavros.

You can smell a lot more of Tavros's blood. The scent is so overwhelming that your eyes are beginning to water.

"VRISKA, NO!" Karkat's shout is much too late.

Vriska has already killed Tavros with a roll of her dice.

"HOOOOOOONK!" Gamzee has leapt from his chair and is now waving his arms about wildly, screaming from the top of his lungs.

"He deserved it," Vriska snaps at Karkat, who is frozen in place with his mouth hanging agape. "Tavros was weak and he let John and the rest of the humans leave without telling us!"

"That doesn't give you the right to kill him!" You shout and push past Karkat to kneel down next to Tavros.

You know the rules of the game. If you kiss him in time, there's a chance that you can revive him. However, when you reach down to find his cheek. Your fingers are instantly coated in the foul, rust colored blood.

Tavros's head is gone.

"HOOOOOOOONK!" Gamzee is still shouting and so is Karkat.

"Gamzee, bro, just calm down for a second!" Karkat yells. "Kanaya look out!"

You hear something heavy smack against something soft and another body hits the ground.

"GAMZEE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!"

"HOOOOONK! HOOONK!"

You know what's happened. The sight of blood has sent Gamzee into a blind, murderous rampage. You'd always suspected that he was unstable in some way, but now that your suspicious are concerned, it's far too late to do anything about it.

"Shooosh!" You can hear Karkat trying to act the part of Morial. "Pap! Pap! PaAHHHHH!"

You hear the _whoosh _of air and then another heavy _thud_. You guess that Gamzee isn't really in the mood to be '_shoosh papped_'.

You stay crouched over Tavros, listening hard. You curse yourself for dropping your cane several feet away. It's too far away for you to reach without drawing attention to yourself. You best hope is that Gamzee will wander off in search of more fight-worthy prey.

You cast about for Vriska and you smell the tail end of her blue blooded scent disappearing through the door to the hangars. She's probably going after John, but you have no intention of letting her escape from this base alive.

She's gone too far this time and as an agent of the law, it's up to you to deliver swift justice.

"HOOOOONK! HOOONK! HOOooonk!" Gamzee's inhuman roars fade away as he also makes his departure.

You abandon Tavros's corpse and snatch up your cane. If you're fast you can catch up to Vriska and end this right now. Then you'll have to warn the others about Gamzee. He's too dangerous to be left to wander about the base in his current state.

"Ugh, fuck me. Terezi?" It's Karkat. He's sitting on the ground looking stunned and a little dizzy.

"I'm here." You say, rushing to his side.

"Kan- Kanaya?" Even after being bludgeoned by one of his best friends, Karkat is still worried about his subordinates. That's the mark of a true leader in your opinion.

You sniff the air and smell the faint scent of green tea, mixing horribly with sour rust.

"She's dead, Karkat."

"Like hell she is!" Karkat grabs your arm and pulls himself to his feet. "I'll handle her. Do not let Vriska go after those humans."

"Understood." You turn and run for the door.

"And Terezi," You stop when he mumbles your name. "Please be careful."

You nod and leave.

Justice must be served.

* * *

= Be Vriska Serket

You are now Vriska Serket. You're a huge bitch, but you've never let that get in your way before. Right now the only thing you're worried about is getting the hell out of this base, finding John, and making sure that he's okay.

You sprint down the hall, heading straight for the hangar. You'll have to take the last rocket car, which will undoubtedly piss your fellow trolls off even more, but at this point you really doubt you could fall further from their graces.

"_How could I have been so stupid?!"_

Of course you should have known that John's little speech about abandoning Rose was just a ploy to keep you out of harm's way. Leave it to him to be so stupidly chivalrous that he'll unintentionally set in motion a whole sequence of ill-fated events.

You come to a stop outside the door that leads to the hangar. You've just heard an explosion from inside. It seems that you aren't the only person causing trouble.

You pull out your dice and fondle them gently as you mull over your options. You could burst in there dice-blazing and take out every sorry troll that gets in your way, or you could wait for the ruckus, whatever it is, to be over before going inside and making your dashing escape.

You're decision is made for you when you hear a roar from behind you.

"HOOOONK!"

Gamzee is coming and fast too. You spot a closet nearby and duck into it. You'll let Gamzee pass, not because you're afraid to fight him or anything. It's just that you've filled your murder quota for the day and the only reserve spot you have left is labeled 'Jack Noir'.

You'd always suspected that Gamzee was one of those berserker types your Lusus always warned you about. They used to be a lot of them on Alternia before the session began and your world was destroyed. A single drop of blood is enough to set them off. A berserker will kill his best friend during an episode and you know for a fact that Gamzee doesn't consider you anywhere even close to being a friend.

Not that you blame him. No one considers you worthy of friendship.

Except well… John. A sudden idea strikes you. Maybe you don't have to leave the base via the hangar.

You watch through a crack in the door as Gamzee enters the hanger. You exit the closet shortly after and make a bee-line towards the roof. If you can get a message out to John, you can convince him to come back for you. That way you can go fight Jack Noir together just like you always planned.

You'll be able to make sure that he's okay too and that he hasn't already been sucker stabbed in the back by Jack yet.

You race up the steps, coming across Nepeta who's sitting on the stairs and drawing on the walls with some finger paint.

"Oh! Hey there Vriskers," She beams at you. "What's the furry?"

You assume she's asking '_What's the hurry?'_, but you don't stop for clarification. You shove her out of the way and continue your ascent. You try not to enjoy the sound of her screaming and bouncing down the steps below you, but it's too difficult to fight the smile that tugs at your blue painted lips.

It takes a while for you to reach the roof. There are a lot of steps and your starting to wonder how secret a base is, if it opens up to the sky. Wouldn't a secret base need to be entirely underground?

"Stupid idiots." You chuckle, as you finally throw the door open and step out into fresh air.

You reach into your pocket and dig out your troll communicator. With a few _clicks _and _whirs_, you've entered John's number.

The phone rings once, twice, three times, until finally…

"The number that you've dialed is currently unavailable. Try again later."

"FUCK!"

"Leave a message at the beep… _Beep."_

"Hey, John listen. As soon as you get this message, you need to come back to the base and get me, okay? I kind of did something that the rest of the trolls aren't too happy about and I'm doubt that I'm too welcome here anymore. Also, you kind of left without me, even after you promised that we would fight Jack Noir together. You lied to me John and that really hurts."

You consider hanging up then and leaving the sympathy card to do its work for you. It takes a second for you to realize that you're still talking.

"I mean, I didn't think you were capable of lying to me, John. I thought you weren't like the others. I thought you actually trusted me."

You kick at the ground, not really knowing where this is going.

"I trusted you."

You hate the words that are coming out of your mouth right now. You want to tell yourself to shut up.

"You were the first. You know that?" You keep talking. "You were the first person to ever give a shit about me. Well, I guess Tavros kind of had a thing for me, but he was too big of a wussy to do anything about it so… Yeah, I guess you were the first."

Your eyes are set on the fading moon, but your mouth is pressed against your phone like you're breathing life into it. Or maybe vice versa?

"I don't know why, but I really wanted us to fight Jack Noir together. Maybe I wanted to prove how great of a fighter I was to you, or maybe I wanted to make_ you_ into a great fighter, or maybe something else equally stupid. I realize now that you really didn't care about any of that stuff, anyhow. You never did.

"When I'm with you, I don't care about that stuff either. I don't worry about being the best, or the strongest, or the deadliest. I just think about you and me. I like that, John. I like that a lot.

"Maybe, when all of this is over… if you aren't freaked out by all the bad things I've done… or the fact that I'm an alien. Maybe you and I could go on a… date?"

You want to laugh. This is probably the most foolish you've ever felt, standing up here and talking into this device like it's a real person, like it actually cares about you.

"I don't know, I'm just… I'm just stupid. I guess." You laugh nervously and you hear the door creak open behind you. "Anyways, just come back for me when you get this message, or at least call. I got to go, someone is coming. Please don't be dead, John."

You hang up and turn around.

* * *

= Be Eridan Ampora

You are now Eridan Ampora. Last of the deep sea dwellers, master of combat, protégé under Jack Noir, and powerful wizard.

Well you aren't actually a wizard. You know full well that magic is a thing of fantasy and myth. There is no such thing as magic. There is only science.

You only refer to what you do as wizardry to prevent your lesser minded companions from being confused by the extent of your power. You're such a badass that what you do is about as close to magic as you can get, whilst still being grounded in the realm of reality.

Your currently watching Sollux Captor getting his brain smashed in by Gamzee with his club. You would have never suspected that Gamzee would turn on his friends, becoming some kind of murderous, stoned, monster. He always seemed like a very stand up gentle man to you.

However, you aren't about to sit around and find out just how little he is truly lacking in courtesy. With Sollux dead, Equius incapacitated, and Gamzee distracted, it's time to make your daring escape.

It's time for you to rejoin your master.

Stowing your trusty science stick in your robes, you mount the last rocket car and steer it towards the exit. This was all too easy. You should have done this ages ago.

You can only imagine how far along you would have been in your studies if you'd just jumped ship earlier and joined Jack Noir. You guess you're relationship with Feferi and all of your worldly possessions kept you tethered to this vile place. But now that Feferi is dead, you don't really have a reason to stay. You can always by more knickknacks for you collection after you and Jack Noir control all of existence.

You look over your shoulder and see that Gamzee has abandoned Sollux's corpse and is instead moving on to Equius. As much as you would love to watch the mighty blue blood's brain be smashed in with a club, you really have outstayed your welcome.

With one final double middle finger towards your old home, you fly off towards your destiny.

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are Karkat Vantas. You are currently pulling one of your fellow trolls, best friends, and first mate into your arms.

Kanaya looks almost like she could be sleeping, except for the fact that there is a remarkable amount of jade-green blood pouring from a gash above her right eye. You have to give Gamzee some credit, he has a mean swing.

You swallow hard and prepare yourself for what you're about to do. It shouldn't be this awkward, right? She'll understand that you did it to save her life and then you'll both have a good, long laugh about it later.

_She really is pretty though…_

"Jegus, what the fuck is wrong with me?!" You say aloud and then press your lips to hers.

For a second, you worry that it isn't working. Her lips are still ghostly warm, but it's fading rapidly. You almost begin to panic. You don't want to lose…

Kanaya's fangs dig into your bottom lip and you howl in pain. You put your hands on her shoulders and shove her away from you with all of your strength. The two of you separate and you scramble to your feet, gasping and feeling your torn lip with your fingers.

"Oh my! Karkat I'm so sorry, it was an instinctive reaction!" Kanaya's lips are stained red with your blood and you freeze when she wipes it away on the back of her hand.

_Please don't notice, please don't say anything, please don't…_

"Karkat…" Kanaya gazes at her bloody hand. "Is your blood… red?"

"You cannot tell anyone, Kanaya. Do you understand me?" For once, you aren't shouting. This is a serious matter.

"I… Yes. Of course, Karkat… I won't tell a soul." She's still looking from her hand to you and back and forth again.

You've always known that you were a freak, but the way Kanaya seems to be struck dumb by her discovery makes you feel more like you're some kind of pitiful anomaly.

Then Kanaya does the last thing you'd ever expect her to do. She raises her hand to her mouth and drags her tongue across her skin, lapping off your blood like it's some kind of exquisite human snow cone.

"Mmmmm." She smiles a little sheepishly. "I hope that you will also keep this between us, Karkat. As you may know, it's been quite a while since I've indulged my vampire tendencies."

Oh yeah, in all the excitement you'd forgotten about Kanaya's own condition. As a rainbow drinker, she finds the taste of blood to be delicious. However for the sake of everyone's comfort she's been depriving herself for as long as you've all been hidden in the base.

You'll allow her to indulge right now, though. It's not likely that either of you will bring up this entire interaction ever again.

"Um, anyways…" You cough once and furiously wipe at your lip again, ridding yourself of any indication that might give away your little red secret. "Vriska's run off, Terezi's chasing her, and Gamzee has gone berserk."

"I assume it was he, who thought it prudent to end my life." Kanaya stands up and smoothes down her skirt.

"Uh, yeah."

"I see," Kanaya pulls her tube of lipstick from her pocket and calmly smears a perfect ring of green around her lips. "Then I guess I should go have a little talk with him, hmm?"

You know what she means by '_talk'_ and you don't like it.

"No one is killing anyone else!" You bark and grab her by the wrist. "Kanaya! Promise me that you aren't going to do anything foolish."

"I respect you, Karkat." She says in her most soothing voice. "Therefore I will not lie to you. I am going to slice Gamzee in half, got it?"

"No, Kan! I don't '_got'_ anything! You and I are going to fix everything, with as little bloodshed as possible." You nod in the direction of Tavros's corpse. "One troll is already too many and who knows how far Gamzee's gotten so far. We're going to stop him, but we're going to do it the right way."

Kanaya seems like she wants to argue, but instead she just stares at you. Her emerald eyes bore into you and you shift uncomfortably. She's always been able to read you better than anyone else and right now it seems like she's trying to see if you're as confident as you sound.

"If he makes _one_ move…" She draws a line across her neck with her thumb. You get the message.

"Yeah, fine, whatever." You lead the way towards the door. Gamzee must have stepped in Kanaya's blood, because he's left green footprints out the door and down the hall towards the hangar.

You and Kanaya get about halfway down the hall before she taps you on the shoulder.

"What?!" You hiss.

"That's my room." She points. "Give me a moment to change before we progress."

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me. Kanaya, is this really the time to be swapping outfits. It's not like you're going to be strutting down a catwalk at the Ms. Alternia pageant anytime soon."

"You cannot expect me to help you '_fix everything'_ in this outfit, can you?" She gestures down at her bloodstained sweater and skirt.

"Holy shit. Just make it fast!" You snap at her and she disappears inside of her room.

She reappears a second later, clad in a red evening gown, complete with red slippers and gloves. She does in fact look as if she's ready to strut her stuff now, but you'd never tell her that. You're not in the mood to dish out compliments at the moment.

"Alright, are you ready?" She asks.

"Not yet, please excuse me while I go and pluck my eyebrows first."

"That wouldn't hurt actually."

"Blah blah, huge snob."

You covertly smooth down your eyebrows as you lead her towards the door, which in turn will lead to the hangar. Gamzee's footsteps lead inside.

There isn't very much in this miserable excuse of a universe that would have prepared you for the scene currently before you. The whole room is a mess and there, on the floor, lies your best friend Sollux, dead.

You see Kanaya out of the corner of your eye. She's twisted her lipstick tube and transformed it into a chainsaw. You've never really understood how her weapon works, but you'll ask about it later. There's better-quality shit going down right now.

Gamzee is across the room. He's standing above Equius, who's unconscious and hopefully not dead, and raising his club above his head.

You see Kanaya start forward, her chainsaw poised to attack. If you don't do something fast, you're going to lose another friend. You don't have time to think. You just act.

"SHOOOOOOSH!" You lunge and smack the chainsaw out of Kanaya's hands. She looks stunned, but you don't stop. You run up to Gamzee. "PAAAAP!" You grab his club and try to drag it out of his hand.

"HOOOK!" He responds.

Gamzee resists you, trying to tug the club out of your grasp so that he can finish of Equius.

"SHOOOooosh."

"HOOOooonk."

"Pap. Pap. Pap. Pa…"

"HOONK! HOOOONK! HOOO…."

"SHOOOSH! SHOOoooosh!" You slowly pull the club free from his fingers. "Pap. Pap."

You gently press your palm up against his bloodstained face and pat softly. One, two, three. One, two, three. Over and over, until Gamzee's breathing starts to relax.

Kanaya has reclaimed her chainsaw and is standing off to the side, waiting to see if you're a good enough Morial to put Gamzee at ease.

With one more '_honk'_ and a _'shoosh'_ and a '_pap_', you and Gamzee slowly come together in a tender embrace. You would feel embarrassed if you weren't so scared shitless at the moment. Anything has the potential to set Gamzee off again and you're already in his grasp, ready to be his next target.

Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Or at least, that's what the humans say.

Eventually, feel Gamzee sigh against your neck and he croaks:

"Hey there, motherfucker. What's going on?"

"How are you feeling, pal?" You ask.

"I'm… a little tired. Hungry too."

"Alright, that's cool. How about I take you to your room?" You take Gamzee by the elbow and start steering him towards the door. "You can have a nice nap and then we could get a snack. Does that sound good?"

"Hell yeah. It sounds like a motherfuckin miracle."

You reach the door before you turn back to Kanaya. She's standing there looking equal parts impressed and stunned. You nod over to Equius and she nods back, before going over to see if he's alright.

You turn back to Gamzee. He's smiling at you like the big fucking idiot that he is. However, instead of cursing him out and insulting everything about him, even down to his ridiculous polka-dotted pants, you simply sigh and lead him towards his bedroom.

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope

You are once again Terezi Pyrope.

You follow Vriska's fruity blue scented trail towards the stairs. You're about to ascend when another scent catches your sensitive nose. A spot of catnip scented-green is slowly staining the base of the stairs.

It's Nepeta, crumpled in a bloody heap at your feet. That Vriska is such a bitch. Where does her treachery end?

"_Oh well, better get this over with."_

You kneel down and roll Nepeta over onto her back. Her head lolls back at an unnatural angle and your positive that her neck has been snapped. This should still work though, in theory at least.

You kiss Nepeta full on the mouth.

Back in the day, before your session began, you spent a lot of time with the fucking crazy cat girl. Your shared passion for role-play drew you together and you have many fond memories of days spent frolicking through fields and nights spent acting out the law in mock courtroom scenarios.

She was always so full of life and seeing her here now, crumpled up and forgotten, makes you that much more determined to put an end to Vriska Serket and her bitchy exploits forever.

You feel Nepeta stir beneath you and you prop her up against a nearby wall. You'll make sure that she's okay later. Right now her body needs time to recover and you're late for a very important date.

It doesn't take nearly enough time for you to reach the top. You're already standing in front of the door, before you've even worked out what you're going to say before you kill her.

You're torn between '_You've just been Py-raped'_ and _'suck it'_. You decide to just let things play out naturally and not force the script. It's more fun to improvise anyway.

You creak the door open slowly.

"Anyways, just come back for me when you get this message, or at least call. I got to go, someone is coming. Please don't be dead, John."

"Talking to your human boyfriend? Hehe." You step out of the doorway and into the night.

"What's it to you, Pyrope?" Vriska doesn't turn to face you. "Just go back downstairs, Terezi. I'll be away from this shitty place and out of your hair soon enough."

"Oh is that so?" You decide to participate in the pre-battle tradition of banter. "How long do you think it will take John to realize that you're a huge bitch?"

"He already knows. He doesn't care."

"He doesn't care _right now_, but what about sweeps down the road when you finally do something that's inexcusable. What happens when his patience runs out and he can no longer tolerate you?" Vriska stiffens visibly. "You won't be able to come back here, Vriska. We won't have you."

"Go away, Terezi."

"Why did you kill Tavros and Nepeta? Are you really that obsessed with this human that you'll crack open your fellow troll's heads without a second thought?"

"Go away!"

"NO!" You grasp the head of your cane and draw out the hidden sword. "You will pay for your crimes, Vriska Serket. You are not above the law!"

You watch Vriska's hands disappear into her pocket. She's holding her dice at the ready.

"Is that what you are now?" She still hasn't turned around. "Are you the _law_, Terezi? Gog, what is wrong with you? That was a game we played when we were barely older than wrigglers. This isn't role-play, this is real life."

"I know." You grit your teeth. You aren't laughing now. "You've made everything very, _very_ real. It's time for you to face judgment."

"Are you going to kill me?"

"I'll do what I must."

"You will try."

**STRIFE!**

* * *

**A lot of POV changes in this chapter. I hope no one was confused.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	8. ACT 1 - PART 8

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are Jade Harley. It turns out that flying this golden ship is way easier then you aren't blinded by tears and deafened by the sound of your own pitiful screams!

You do your best to think positive thoughts as the smooth metal of the steering wheel slides underneath your remaining fingers. It's amazing how a really awful situation can turn into an incredibly shitty one in the time span of about thirty seconds.

You're good dog/best friend died, your grandpa's rifle was cut in half (you hope he doesn't find out about that, he'd be really pissed!), and finally you were horribly maimed.

You shake your head, trying to simultaneously dislodge these incredibly depressing thoughts and resist the temptation to scratch at the bandages wrapped around your left hand. It's really itchy!

Whatever troll medicine Aradia gave you is doing wonders for the pain, though. You'd take this annoying itching over the mind-blowing, searing hot, fire you'd experienced earlier. You'll have to thank her when you get back to the troll's headquarters.

You smile when you think about your new, cool, alien friends. They all seemed really nice, with the exception of Karkat, but you suppose his innate grumpiness is just a part of his charm, in some backwards, convoluted way of reasoning.

You really didn't get to talk to him all that much anyways, on account of you being unconscious most of time you were in his presence.

You'll have to get better acquainted with Karkat and the rest of his extra-terrestrial gang at a later date, preferably when you aren't involved in fierce sword fights and sloppy rescue missions.

You shiver when you think about your harrowing encounter with Dave's Bro.

"_Bro_," You hiss as you turn the wheel to compensate for the wind. "Leave it to him to bring a sword to a gunfight and _win."_

"What was that, Jade?"

You jump when John speaks. You really need to work on not subconsciously vocalizing your thoughts. It's led to enough awkward situations already that you really should have learned.

"Oh, nothing." You grin at your ecto-brother. "Just talking to myself like a loon! Haha."

John smiles back, but you can tell that it's forced. He's worried about you and is most likely regretting his decision to allow you to come along.

After getting on the golden ship and setting a course for Jack Noir's castle, Dave and John had gotten in a pretty heated discussion concerning your welfare. Dave had considered (and probably still does) that bringing you along was a terrible idea. Not only are you injured but you don't even have your rifle anymore. Essentially you're useless.

Okay, Dave would never say that you're _useless_, but he might as well have. He should know better than to think that you'd just sit on the sidelines while your friends risked their lives. John understands that. He's always been good at understanding people and you appreciate that he's on your side now more than ever.

Eventually the discussion was resolved with a rather unfair agreement that you would remain on the golden ship, whist John and Dave assaulted the castle under the pretense of rescuing Rose. Both you and Dave are still unhappy with the resolution.

You, because you wouldn't be close enough to the action and Dave, because you would still be _too_ close to the action.

You look to the front of the air ship, where Dave is leaning on his elbows over the railing, completely motionless. You know he feels bad that it was _his_ brother that attacked you, but hat's just plain stupid in his opinion.

What happened earlier wasn't his fault at all. If you even remember correctly, Dave even tried to warn you about the impending attack. It's alright for him to be concerned for you, but he's making a mistake by trying to shelter you.

Eventually he's got to learn that you aren't made of glass. You would think that by fending off his brother's assassination attempt, you would have earned a few brownie points. You would think wrong.

"Do you think he's mad at me?" It's John and he's nodding towards his statue-like best friend.

"I think Dave is just mad at everything." You respond, burning a hole into the back of Dave's head with your gaze. "He's had a rough day."

"Yeah, we all have." John pats you on the shoulder and you don't fight the grin that tugs at your lips. John's always had a way of cheering you up. You're glad he's here with you now.

You would be even _gladder_ if Dave wasn't being such a fuckass.

Maybe you're being too hard on the guy. It's possible that his over-protective gambit is just some of his ironic, platonic affection manifesting itself improperly.

But then you remember Karkat's shipping grid.

Could it be possible that Dave's ironic affections aren't really all that platonic?

You watch Dave adjust his dark sunglasses as the winds tousle his white-blonde hair.

"Jade. Hullo? Earth to Harley?"

"Oh! Sorry, John. I was just thinking." You see that John is staring at you quizzically. You cough into your hand. "Were you saying something?"

"Well, I was just saying that I hope Rose is okay."

"I'm sure she's fine. You know Rose, she's tough as nails!" You smile at John and he smiles back, once again weakly. You can tell he isn't reassured.

"I just feel guilty, you know?" He continues. "I think that I wasted a lot of time doing… other stuff."

"Like macking on your hot, alien girlfriend?"

It's a shame that John isn't drinking anything. You've always wanted to witness a real life spit-take. However, for the time being you'll have to settle for his bulging eyes and awkward spluttering.

"Wh- who told you that!" He demands.

"Karkat." You shrug, laughing as John curses the troll's name.

"Damn him and his big, angry mouth! Why does he always see it fit to air my dirty laundry all the time!?"

"Maybe he escapes from his own lack luster romantic life through in-depth discussions of other people's business?" You theorize.

John smirks.

"I thought Rose was the psychologist."

"She totally is!" You laugh. "But that doesn't mean the rest of us can't make astute deductions every once in a while? Speaking of Rose, did you know that Karkat totally ships you guys?"

"_Ships_?" John repeats in that tone of voice that heavily implies that you've just uttered a completely alien term.

"Yeah, '_Ship'_ as in '_Relationship'_. He thinks you and Rose should get married or whatever."

You really do regret not giving John a glass of water or something. Two spit-takes in a row would have been amazing.

"Wh- what? Why does he think that?"

"Well," You begin. "Since we're the only humans left alive, it's up to us to repopulate the universe after all of this is over! And since Rose and Dave are related and you and I are related, that only leaves two compatible couplings. At least that's what he says. I'm paraphrasing all of this of course."

John looks completely dumbfounded. It seems you weren't the only one that hadn't thought that far ahead in your quest. Except where you had been disturbed by the idea, John looks downright confused beyond belief.

His face is screwed up like he's trying to solve the world's hardest calculus problem, whilst running some sort of gymnastic gauntlet.

"Me and Rose…" He eventually says. "Married?"

"Are you okay with that?" You prod.

"I… don't really know." He rubs the back of his neck. "I mean, I'm kind of seeing Vriska now and Rose… I really don't think she likes me like that. Uh, aren't we a little young to be thinking about all of this anyways?"

"Yeah I suppose." You shrug. "But what happens if you and Vriska break up? Do you think you can love Rose?"

"Love?"

"Yeah, John. The big 'L' word! You can't get married if you aren't in love."

If anything, John looks even more confused. Maybe a little green too, as if he might be sick.

"Oh man. I don't know." He says.

"You don't think you could love Rose?"

"I… Well, um." He casts about, as if he might find some sort of escape on the deck of the ship. "This whole line of questioning is getting me flustered. Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure," You smirk. "But you can't just run away from things just because they're uncomfortable, John."

"Oh yeah? Well how about you and Dave?" He snaps quickly.

You're caught off guard. It's not like you hadn't considered the possibility since Karkat's initial erection of the idea. In fact you've probably thought about that more than anything else. What's surprising to you is that you'd never expect John to be so snippy. Maybe you accidentally touched a nerve with all of this relationship jibber jab.

"I don't know." You find your gaze once again fixed on the back of Dave's head. "I guess I'll worry about that when the time comes?"

Thankfully, John accepts your answer, even though it's very similar to his own in level of evasiveness. You doubt he will press the issue anyways. The prospect of his ecto-sister and best friend hooking up probably makes him a little nauseous.

"Sooo…" You change the subject. "After you and Dave bust into the castle and rescue Rose, you'll come back to the ship and we'll fly off together into the sunset?"

"Yeah, something like that." John chuckles. "There's this whole plan that involves blowing up a sun and stuff, but we'll explain that later."

"Hmmmm." You don't press for further clarification. You trust John to tell you what you need to know when the time comes. He probably needs time to get his thoughts in order anyhow.

You both lapse into silence then. You can tell that John is doing his best not to look at your hand and doing an awful job at it. You don't blame him, though. He's probably curious to know more about your fight with Dave's Bro.

You'll tell him later, when the memory isn't so fresh and when you can speak without that annoying lump forming in your throat. John won't bring it up until you're ready and you appreciate that.

"I hate to break up this wonderful sibling bonding moment just before it descends into horrible sitcom reminiscent hugs, featuring inside jokes and a generous helping of private and undoubtedly hilarious anecdotes, but we're closing in fast on our destination." Dave's voice causes you to jump.

"Oh! Hey Dave! I didn't hear you sneak up on us!" You grin at him, but his face remains as impassive as ever.

"Sorry, I guess my natural ninjaesque prowess transcends my ability to make audible footsteps. My bad." His voice is pretty deadpan, more than usual.

His typical brand of irony cuts a little deeper than it normally does too and you can tell that he's still upset about you being in danger. Although you can't see his eyes behind his dark sunglasses, you can feel his gaze upon yours.

"It's cool, man." John tries to cut through the tension, but it's like trying to saw through steel with a butter knife. "I guess we better get ready to go, huh?"

"I guess, you're right." Dave turns and stalks back to the front of the ship.

John's shoulders slump and he shoots you a weak smile. His third in the last ten minutes.

"Good luck, Egbert." You give him a double thumbs up as he shuffles over to join Dave. "You're probably going to need it." You add quietly under your breath.

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too. Jade's forced optimism is nice and all, but sometimes you're in the mood for something cool.

And if Dave Strider is anything: he's definitely one cool dude.

Except right now you don't feel very cool. You actually feel kind of hot. That's kind of been a running theme with you for a while now. It's kind of obnoxious.

It's like a pair of hot cakes are rolling around in your chest, caught up in the fiery throes of some satanic ritual. Their chanting chants and dancing dances, fueling this nonsensical temper that threatens to overwhelm your already clouded judgment.

You thought that by interrupting John and Jade's giggle-fest over there, your temper would improve. However, you were wrong. Now you just feel like a douche.

As you take up position, leaning over the railing once more, you can see the swirling black clouds buzzing angrily around the upmost towers of the sinister looking castle. John joins you, slapping his arms down on the railing to your right.

"So why do you think Jack Noir has a totally badass and radically evil-looking castle set up in LOWAS? Does he have a fort in every land or is it just here?" He asks. You shoot him a look and find that John is smiling his most awkward, dorky grin available. He's trying to cheer you up by asking you questions. For some reason, that just makes you angrier.

"Maybe he just prefers taking dips in pools of motor oil and kicking back with hordes of blabbering, yellow salamanders." You deadpan.

"Hmmm, maybe." You're both thankfully quiet for a while and you try to block off any further communication by acting very interested in the castle.

"Look, I'm sorry about bringing Jade." John doesn't know when to shut up. "It's just that we couldn't leave her behind and she's actually a big help. Plus she'll be on the ship the whole time. No worries."

"Yeah, no worries." You grumble. "It's just odd to me how quickly you can switch from _'no one is coming with me on this dangerous mission'_ to _'everyone climb aboard the funhouse express! It's gonna be a regular blast!'_"

John rubs the back of his neck. He's been doing that a lot lately. You suppose it's a nervous tick he's developed since the session began.

You suddenly feel like more of a douche than ever. What the fuck is wrong with you?

"I'm sorry, Bro." You say before he can respond. "Everything's kind of hitting the fan at once and I guess I can't take the heat as well as I thought I could. Regardless I shouldn't take anything out on you. You're doing you best John and so far your best is pretty damn good."

"But your right though," John's staring off towards the castle like you. "I'm supposed to be the leader, but every move I make just feels like the wrong one. If something happens to you guys, because of me then… I don't know what I'd do."

Jade's brining the golden air ship to a slow stop a good hundred yards away from the base of the castle. You and John will have to finish this conversation later.

"Nothing is going to happen to any of us." You assure him. "Trust me on that. We're like the main characters in some shitty anime. Nothing bad can ever happen to us. Not to mention you and I are both mega-awesome-warrior-gods now. We're both basically indestructible."

"Yeah, I suppose your right." John smiles at you and it's not that half-hearted shit he was giving Harley earlier. He actually feels hopeful again.

You hope you aren't wrong about what you just said. It would really suck if you were.

"Looks like this is our stop." John climbs up and sits on the railing. You join him. "Just run in, find Rose, get out. Don't fight anything unless you have to and stay the hell away from Jack Noir."

"Got it." You nod.

"Alright, I should probably say something cool before I jump right?" He thinks for a second. "How about… GeroniMAHHHHHH!"

You put your hand on his back and shove him off before he can finish his sentence.

You cast one last look back at Jade. She smiles and waves in that way that makes you feel like you're just popping down to the store for a carton of milk and totally not busting your way into an evil medieval castle like some Don Quixote wannabe.

You wave back. It's completely un-cool and un-ironic, but you do it anyway.

And for some reason, the castle doesn't look all that scary anymore.

You jump.

A cool breeze catches you under the arms and glides you down for a safe landing.

"Sweet catch, Bro." You say once you join John on the ground.

"Yeah, yeah." John's tugging his hood out of an oil puddle and shaking it clean. "Just so you know, the next time _you_ try to say something cool I'm totally going to ruin it for you."

"Good luck with that, Egbert. Everything I say is cool."

"My Gog, you're right." He slaps his hands to his cheeks. "You're like a paragon of coolness, a pariah of awesome, a prick of insufferability."

"Damn straight." The pair of you start jogging towards the castle. "And since when did you start saying '_Gog'_? Isn't that a troll word?"

"What? Did I say that?" John thinks for a second. "Hmmm. I guess that was a slip of the tongue, huh?"

You wonder how much cultural bleeding you and the trolls are in for. It always starts with a few slangs here and curses there, but next thing you know John and Jade could be wearing fake horns and painting themselves grey. Seriously, John is even banging one of those things on the regular.

Imagining John awkwardly macking on that hot alien babe is funny, but the idea of him running around with little human/troll hybrids just makes you feel fifty different kinds of disgusted.

You resolve to worry about the integrity of the human gene pool at a later date, preferably when you aren't busy racing around pools of flammable liquid towards a fortress full of murderous…

"Imps!" John hisses, grabbing onto your arm.

Sure enough, what looks like a few dozen of the little black bastards are scattered about between you and your destination. Almost as if they knew you were coming.

"Do you think we could talk them down?" John wonders aloud.

With a roar, the imps surge forward as one. They brandish sharp looking spears and a few are wildly waving rifle-like devices.

"Nope." You say and draw your sword.

**STRIFE!**

You lose track of John as the fight begins, but you trust him enough to take care of himself. The first imp lunges at you with a spear. You parry and then proceed to relieve his shoulders of burden that was his head.

Black blood splatters your clothes and you silently hope that it doesn't stain. As gaudy and florescent as your red getup is, it's really pretty badass. The hood is a little tight though, but you aren't about to complain like some chump bitch.

A bullet whizzes by your ear. One of the imps is shooting at you.

You bob and weave towards him and slice him in half. This battle isn't really that exciting and you honestly a little disappointed at how lackluster this strife really is.

John is a little ways away from you, using his massive hammer to smash the imps like little, angry, rotten, black grapes.

"Yo, Egbert!" You call as you hack two imps in half with one swing

"Dave! What's up?"

"What do you call an imp that is from china?!"

"I don't know!" John blows an imp into the sky with a gust of wind. "What?"

"An Imp-Ling!"

"Fuh…" John shoots you a look. "Dave that's terribly offensive."

"What do you mean?" You kick an imp in the chest and stab him when he falls. "That's not offensive."

"It's offensive to Chinese people." John explains. "You're insinuating that all Chinese people have 'Ling' for a last name."

"Whatever." One imp screams really loudly when you cut of his wrist. His remaining hand is clutching his rifle and waving around wildly.

You guess that the imp squeezed the trigger accidentally, because something large, fast, and hot erupts from the barrel and shoots off into the sky. You run the imp through with your sword and cast about for more enemies.

However you and John now stand alone, surrounded by heaps and heaps of the little soldiers. You almost feel kind of bad, that was almost too easy.

"Dave! Look!" John's pointing somewhere over your head.

You turn and gasp in horror. The shot that was fired by the final imp had gone straight up, striking the golden air ship that had once been hovering above you. With a loud boom, you watch the airship start to descend rather quickly.

"Fuck!" You start running. "OH FUCK, OH SHIT, OH SHIT!"

The ship disappears behind a clump of blue rocks and an ear-splitting _crash_ rocks the ground beneath your feet.

"Dave! Dave, slow down!" John is running behind you, trying to get a grip on your cape.

"JADE! SHE'S ON THE SHIP, JOHN!" You sprinting as fast as you can, but it isn't fast enough. "SHE'S THERE!"

"I know, Dave! But we can't… Rose?!" John sounds unsure and you glance over your shoulder to see that he's come to a stop.

He's looking at you and gesturing wildly towards the castle behind him.

"I… Bro, I…" You look towards the smoke, steadily rising over the blue rocks. "I'm going to for Jade!"

And without looking back again, you dash towards where the golden ship had crashed.

The rocks crunch and shift under your feet, giving you the impression that one wrong step could send you tumbling backwards head over heels. You press forward though, since traversing the rocky hill doesn't seem to bother you as much as it once had the possibility to.

You guess that by fighting dozens of imps, almost being killed by your own brother, and committing suicide, you've become sort of jaded to everyday risks. You've been hardened like one of those gruff protagonists from John's shitty films, filled to the brim with man-grit and barely suppressed post-adolescent angst.

Once you're atop the peak, you can clearly see the golden ship lying on it's side at the bottom the ravine.

"HARLEY!" You pick your way down towards the crash. "YO! Harley! You better not be fucking dead, or else you better be prepared to have your fine ass resurrected!"

"DAVE!"

You breathe a sigh of relief when you hear her voice.

"Where are you?" You reach the ship and jog around the wide hull.

"Over here."

The whole thing is on it's side and when you reach the over turned deck, you find Jade lying on the ground nearby. She's pinned under a piece of golden railing.

"Are you hurt?" You rush to her side and help her to shove off the tackily painted beam.

"No I'm fine." Jade grabs your arm and you pull her to her feet. "I don't know what happened! The ship just lost control."

"One of the imps had some kind of laser gun. He shot you out of the sky like a mallard during hunting season." You brush some dust out of Jade's hair and cast about for anymore signs of trouble.

Luckily there appears to be no imminent danger, besides the castle full of imps and Jack Noir just over the ridge.

A ripple of blue colors your sunglasses and you tap them quickly.

"Egbert." You answer.

"Dave! Are you okay? Is Jade okay?"

"Yeah, we're all honky dory over here. Sorry for running off like that," You steer Jade away from the wreckage, in the opposite direction of the castle. "I had to make sure Harley wasn't super dead."

"No worries, man. Listen, you should probably take her back to the troll's base."

You come to a halt, jerking Jade accidently with the suddenness of your stop. You're torn between wanting to get Jade safe and wanting to go back to help your best friend. Of course you had been right that bringing Jade along had been a bad idea, why did there have to be a near death experience for John to take your apprehensions seriously.

"Dude, I… are you sure?"

"Yeah, we already killed all of the imps. It should be a cakewalk from here on out. I'll grab Rose and meet up with you guys in no time."

Jade is staring at you quizzically. She can't hear John and the fifty percent of the conversation she is hearing probably doesn't make much sense. You watch her gnaw on her bottom lip for a while.

"Dave?" She asks. "Dave, what is it?"

"Alright, John." You tap your shades. "We'll see you soon."

"Hey, what did John say?" Jade struggles to keep up with your long strides. "Dave, hey!"

You don't turn around yet. You need to get your thoughts in order, before you plead your case. Jade will never knowingly run away while John is still out there all alone.

"I, uh… We're meeting John back at the troll base." You speak over your shoulder.

"What about Rose?"

"She's fine and everything. We just need to get back to the base."

"So did you already save her? That was fast! Shouldn't we wait for them so that we can travel together?"

"No, Jade just come on." She opens her mouth but you cut her off. "Jade, let's go."

You grab her arm firmly and tug her forward.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently in the process of descending. It's taking much longer than you anticipated, but you aren't really in that much of a hurry.

Jack Noir isn't going anywhere.

You touch down once more on the roof of the tallest spire of the castle. John's Dad still lies dead on the hard stone floor. You don't look at him though. There's no reason to.

You're feet barely skim the floor as you move, descending down the steps and deeper into the castle halls. On a much different occasion, you would have appreciated the gothic architecture and low lighting; perfect for long evenings spent sculpting literature from the raw material that is words.

Right now though, you barely register the intricate architrave as you step into the throne room. It's large and empty, save for the ostentatious throne at the head of the hall. It's symbolic of classical monarchies: large to represent their oppressive power and empty to represent their boundless potential.

Where does Jack Noir's despicability end? Not with his pretentious attitude, that much is obvious.

There is not a soul to contend with. No imps or denizens or brain-washed adult male guardians. It's just you, alone with these dark swirling thoughts.

"_What are you doing, Rose?"_ They say. "_Why are you wasting your time here? The search for revenge is so trivial compared to the wonders we could accomplish. Together, Rose. Always together."_

You growl to yourself. Literally, you growl.

No words can accurately describe your contempt for your current situation. You cannot find you quarry, and the longer you search the more incessant the voices become. It's a vicious circle of disappointment. Each new doorway leads to more emptiness, which is quickly filled with those dangerous, silken tongues.

"_You should leave while you have the chance, Rose. There is no glory in a fool's death. You can do so much more with our help. Forget your quest; forget your friends and family. They are not here now. They do not care for you…"_

You slow to a stop. You are back in the throne room. You've walked in one more vicious circle.

"_But we care for you, Rose. We've always been here. We will always be…"_

"_NO!" _ You shout into your own mind. "_I CANNOT LEAVE! NOT UNTIL JUSTICE IS SERVED! NOT UNTIL I HAVE KILL JACK NOIR. I must kill him. I must kill. Kill. Kill. Kill…"_

You repeat those words in your head like a mantra. It keeps you focused, keeps your mind sharp. It keeps you… here. There must be no distractions, no interruptions. You're here for a reason. One reason and one reason alone.

"Rose!"

You turn quickly, wands drawn, a deadly spell on your black lips and…

"John?"

"Oh thank Gog you're okay!" John is running up to you. He's wearing what looks like a set of blue pajamas, equipped with a long hood, which is reminiscent of a deflated windsock. You're first instinct is to unleash a sarcastic jab at his ridiculous appearance, but as his face falls so does your momentary uplift in spirit.

He's finally gotten a proper look at your new appearance.

"Are you okay?" John frowns. "You look a little… ill, I guess."

"One of Jack's little tricks." You examine your grey fingers. "Horrorterrors, John, elder monsters of the furthest ring. They've bonded with me during the time of my imprisonment. It appears that I have inherited some of their mythical powers."

"Errr…." He shuffles a little nervously and rubs the back of his neck. "Come again?"

"I am not going to repeat myself. I've accurately explained the reason for my transformation."

"Look, Rose. I can't understand a single word you're saying."

John smiles sheepishly and holds his hands out, palm up. He's acting like it's somehow his fault that he can't undersand your devil speak.

"I see. It appears the Horrorterrors are not just satisfied by feasting upon my mind. They also wish to feed upon my physical attributes as well. Without the power of speech they have significantly weakened me. Well played foul beasts."

"Yeah, I got none of that." He's starting to look a little uncomfortable. "It's just a bunch of sillyspeak and gobbledygook."

"I understand. Do not be afraid though, John. _You_ have nothing to fear from me."

"Wait a minute!" John exclaims. "I know what's happened. You've finally did it, Rose. You went grimdark!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Man, I warned you this would happen if you kept up with that grim disposition and dark throes." He's acting like some adult who's just caught his teenage with a bottle of Smirnoff. "I warned you about those stubborn throes. I told you, Rose."

"Consider me now fully briefed on the topic of stubborn grimdark throes." You roll you eyes. Leave it to John to lighten the mood with his obscure pop-cultural references and doting nature.

"Okay well… anyways." He continues, taking your current grimdark persona in stride. "Now that I know you're safe, maybe you could help me look for our parents and Jade's grandpa too?"

John looks hopeful and if your heart already wasn't tainted with the evil tendrils of elder beasts it probably would break right about now.

"You're father is dead John and my mother has been taken far away from here, along with Jade's grandpa. There is no one here, but Jack Noir."

"Do you know where they are? Are they in the castle, Rose?"

You shake your head furiously.

"No?" John crosses his arms. "Are you saying 'no' to the first question or to the second question?"

"Both." You say, holding up one finger and then two fingers on your left and right hand respectively.

"Niether?"

"NO, JOHN! I'M SAYING _NO_ TO BOTH!"

"Both?"

You nod your head furiously.

"Oh, okay." He deflates a little. "Well, we should probably get out of this castle then. Dave and Jade are outside somewhere, if we hurry maybe we can catch up with them. Then we can find a cure for your stubborn throes."

Before you can say anything, John has taken you by the hand and is guiding you towards a set of doors.

"We met all the trolls by the way." John continues. "They'll all really nice and they live in this awesome secret base and everything. I think you'll really like them, Rose."

"John." You begin. "I cannot go with you. There is work that I must do here."

"Oh don't worry. I'm sure they will like you too." He stops to think for a second. "Except maybe Vriska, she doesn't seem to like anyone very much. Also she calls you '_little miss perfect'_ all the time. I wonder what that's about."

"Don't act like you can understand me! It's highly annoying."

"Yeah me too."

"FUCK! JOHN STOP IT!" You wrench your hand out of his grip.

He turns back to look at you, his face full of concern.

"What is it, Rose? What's wrong?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm _Lassie_ either! That's just insulting!"

"Yeah I know. I'm frustrated too."

"FUCK!" You dig the heels of your hands into your eyes. If you could have chosen anyone to encounter in your current state, it probably wouldn't have been John. He's just too… nice.

Too nice to be afraid, too nice to leave you alone, too nice to honestly say that he's confused by everything you say and do. Just a few seconds ago you were hell-bent on delivering swift, bloody justice in your quest for revenge. You don't need John here, confusing your motivations with… emotions.

"_Show him." _Says the voices in your head. "_Show him. Then he will understand."_

For once, you agree.

You take John by the hand and this time you're leading him across the throne room, in the opposite direction of the exit.

"What is it, Rose? Where are we going?" He trots loyally behind you.

"Please be quiet, John."

This is going to hurt him. _You_ are going to hurt him.

But it's necessary. It must be done.

He will understand.

John apparently gets the message that you want silence for the time being and readily complies. At least, for a little while.

"Did you know that we're supposed to get married?"

You're leading him up the stairs when he speaks.

You stop and turn to look at him fully. You don't even get a chance to speak before he's blabbering again.

"Well that's what Jade said that Karkat said!" He blurts. "I mean, Karkat told Jade, who then told me, that we're supposed to get married in the future."

"Oh really," You smirk. "Well what do you think about that, John?"

"Oh man! I hope this doesn't come off as a proposal or anything. We don't have to actually get married." He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck again before adding: "I mean, not if you don't want to."

You decide to just stare at him for a moment and see where this goes.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just nervous." He laughs again, this time a little louder and his eyes flicker down to both of your fingers, interlaced. "I mean I haven't seen you in a long time and after you got kidnapped I was really worried about you. But now I see that you're okay, sort of. Except you're talking like an eldritch monster and I should probably shut up now right?"

"John," You sigh. "You're probably the most hopeless boy I've ever met."

"Um… anyways. You were taking me somewhere?"

Suddenly you realize that you no longer what to make John understand. You want him to stay stupid and foolish and gullible and kind and compassionate and so damn _hopeless._

You don't want to be the one to break his heart, but somebody has to. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't necessarily want to do in this universe. You understand that very well, and that's why you grip John's hand tighter and lead him up to the tallest spire.

He's here. He's been waiting for you.

It's Jack Noir… except it isn't.

His smooth, black skinned face has been replaced with the furry muzzle of a wolf. Bec Noir is a gruesome and unnatural mix of man and beast, whose dark energies ripple through the air and cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on end.

"John, you should leave." You whisper quietly to your friend.

You feel his hand slip out of yours, but instead of moving back down into the castle, John steps forward. He isn't looking at you or Bec Noir, John has his sad, blue eyes firmly fixed upon the corpse of his father. It's deathly silent and neither you nor your enemy move as the boy gazes down at his family.

Very slowly, John turns to you and he isn't crying or screaming or anything else you had expected him to do. John just looks very, very sad.

"Leave, John." You repeat.

He can't understand you, but you talking to him anyway. You don't know why you keep trying, although if you had to guess, you'd say that you considered John worth the effort.

Bec Noir draws his sword, but he does not attack. He is waiting for you, for _both_ of you.

"He did this." John moves by your side. He's not looking for clarification. The time for questions has long passed. John now understands everything. "We'll take him together."

You don't argue. Even if you were in full control of your verbal facilities, you doubt that you would be able to convince John to abscond.

He draws his hammer and you clutch your wands tightly in your fist. You retract your earlier statement; there is no one you would rather have at your side right now than John Egbert.

**STRIFE!**

Bec Noir is suddenly behind John and before you can even scream, his blade punches through John's chest in a shower of red.

John's shirt goes from blue, to purple, to a deep, dark red and with a sickening _squelch_, Bec Noir pulls his sword free.

John utters the tiniest "_oh_" that you've ever heard and then falls flat on his face, dead.

Now you scream.

It isn't a warning shout, or a roar of anguish or pain. You aren't sad or scared. You are _furious_. Hot, boiling blood surges through your veins and you vision becomes of a haze of swirling blacks and reds. There is nothing that would satisfy you more than to dig your knitting needle wands into Bec Noir's eyes and gouge his brain out through his face. In fact, now seems like as good as time as any to fulfill that satisfying notion.

You're still screaming as you charge forward, swishing your wands before you and firing spell after spell towards your arch-nemesis. Bec Noir's dark blade becomes a blur as he deflects your magical barrage with infuriating ease.

He doesn't advance or retreat, but allows you to rush up to him. Both your corresponding weapons clash with a deafening _boom_, but you barely register the sound. You're vision is blurry.

So obscured is your sight that it's a wonder you can even aim you spells or block his swipes. You feel the blackness within you pulling magnetically towards Bec Noir's own aura and you wonder if it's even possible for darkness to be defeated by more darkness.

"_Let us help, Rose!" _The voices hiss in your head. "_You cannot succeed without our help!"_

You twirl, sending your dress flapping around your ankles, and force Bec Noir backwards with another chain of sorcery. Black tendrils are rising from you like acrid smoke and your senses feel dulled, like you've been wrapped in a thick stuffy blanket.

"_GIVE IN, ROSE LALONDE! OR DIE!"_

You scream again. Did you ever even stop?

Bec Noir's lunging forward, you go blind, and that horrible, smooth voice cackles in your ear. It's a demon choir in your head and a sword in your stomach.

"Help me!" You gasp as Bec Noir pulls his sword out of your gut. "Pl- pl… Please!"

The voice just continues to laugh. Bec Noir places his foot on your chest and kicks you across the rooftop. You skid backwards, leaving a trail of blood in your wake and eventually come to a stop beside the motionless John.

"_You are weak, Rose. Without us you are powerless. You were always doomed for failure. Your mother saw that, we saw that, and even you…"_

The voices trail off and you watch as Bec Noir spreads his black wings and takes to the sky. There's no reason for him to stay here any longer. His job is done.

Your mouth tastes like sour pennies and your abdomen feels like it's been set ablaze. It might as well have been, since the smoke continues to peel off of you in waves.

Once again, you have been abandoned. Even the Horrorterrors, when you needed them most, have left you to die alone.

Not alone. Not really.

Your head lolls to the side and then you can see him. John Egbert, your friend, your leader, your friendleader. He had come for you when all others refused and right now you wish that your last words to him hadn't been sillyspeak or gobbledygook.

"I wouldn't mind…" You croak and reach for his hand, but your fingers never make it.

**YOU ARE DEAD.**

* * *

**I spent a lot of time on this chapter. A whole lot more than I have on any earlier ones. Who knew that re-writing a flash game/animation would be so hard? Maybe I just suck at it. Anyways, the next few chapters are going to be split up between different groups, who are doing different things. I have a lot planned for this fic.**

**Also if you haven't read "Touching" by Latia, you really should. She has a lot of good Grimdorks fics.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	9. ACT 1 - PART 9

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

= Be Aradia Megido

You are Aradia Megido.

You are picking flowers outside of your home base just for fun. Well they aren't exactly flowers and you don't do really much of anything nowadays '_just for fun'_. The local foliage populating the LOWAS landscape is actually quite useful for synthesizing medicine.

Except the mushrooms. Fuck those fungi.

Anyways, you've already treated Jade's wounds with a mixture of leaves and roots and when you back up to her room, you're give her a nice calming drought of blue grass.

You tuck your newly collected materials into your Adventurer's Satchel. You'd never go anywhere without that trusty satchel, hanging loosely from you hip next to your bullwhip. You make sure to carefully hide your goods. If Gamzee were to get a sniff of them, he'd surely try to steal them away when you aren't looking.

You know how he likes to smoke that herb and just blaze the fuck up.

As you're taking the trek back up towards the base, a shadow passes over the rocks and you look up to catch a glimpse of an odd sight.

Eridian is riding away on the last rocket car, quickly speeding away from the base at a breakneck speed. You reach into your faithful satchel and pull out your headset. With a _flick_ and a _click_, you put it on and quickly call Eridian.

It rings three times before going to voicemail.

Hmmm, that's strange. Typically you can't get Eridian to shut up, let alone not answer one of your calls. If it were anyone else out and about, you'd think that Karkat had assigned them for some sort of mission. You seriously doubt that Karkat would trust Eridian with anything though, on account of Karkat's low level of tolerance for Eridian's invariable dramatic nature.

You decide to that it's not really none of your business, or else you would have been previously given information on the matter, and chose to no longer trouble your mind with thoughts of the dubiously heterosexual sea dweller.

You scoff at the information that Sollux had shared with you previously, concerning the love triangle concocted between himself, Feferi, and Eridian. Romance is too much of a bother in your opinion. It complications everyday interactions and leads to presumptions, which in turn lead to hurt feelings and disappointment when said presumptions are left unfulfilled.

You've gotten this far in your life without some significant other to waste time with. Besides, there hasn't been anyone, troll or otherwise, who has captured you attention up to date.

As you walk, you casually scan the ground. Most of the rocks on LOWAS are an uninteresting shade of blue, but every once and a while some of the stronger storms can wash over more interesting stones from more intriguing lands.

Such as right now.

You spot a red stone and stoop to pick it up. It's hard and glassy, giving the impression that it's home might be somewhere on LOHAC or maybe LOPAH before it was destroyed. You once again open your highly dependable satchel and store the stone away.

Sollux would probably like it. He has an astute eye for cool archeological finds just like you. Therefore, he'll probably appreciate it.

You eventually reach the secret entrance to your base and shove the boulder aside easily. Down the dark tunnel, up the multitude of stairs, and into the main computer room you go.

"What the… fuck?" You say.

Tavros Nitram lies decapitated and obviously dead next to his computer. There is also a large amount of jade-green blood pooled near Kanaya's work station.

With a smart _crack_, you draw your bullwhip and move further into the base to investigate as to the location of you other friends and fellow trolls. The next hallway is deserted, although you do notice a set of bloody footprints leading in the direction of the hangar.

You head in that direction, passing the stairs and…

"Aradia? Is that mew?" A voice speaks from the base of the stairs.

"Nepeta." You crouch down next to the crazy fucking cat girl. "What happened here?"

You examine her and see that is completely unscathed for the most part, although the rumpled state of her clothes and her current location cause you to assume that she's been tossed down the stairs.

"It was Vriskers!" Nepeta hisses. "She pushed me down the stairs fur no appurent reason and killed me!"

You'd always thought that Serket was a bit of a bitch, but a killer? Honestly… you wouldn't put it past her.

"Did she kill Tavros and Kanaya too?" You ask, pulling Nepeta to her feet.

"No," Says a third voice from behind you. "Gamzee killed me."

You whip around to find that is in fact Kanaya who had spoken. You also see that she is supporting a limping Equius.

"I have a lot of questions." You rush over to help her carry Equius to his nearby room.

"They can wait," Kanaya huffs as the pair of you haul Equius onto his bed. "Right now, Karkat needs our help."

"Nepeta," You address the troll girl who is standing in the doorway, glancing nervously at her Morial. "Don't worry about Equius, he seems fine. Stay down here with him, okay?"

"No puroblem!" Nepeta takes up her post as you and Kanaya quickly make your way from the room and back down the hall.

Instead of leading you up the stairs like you expected Kanaya to do, she takes you to Gamzee's room. The door is ajar and you can see Karkat inside, gently guiding his own Morial to sleep. You and Kanaya wait as Karkat puts Gamzee to rest, exits the room, and softly closes the door. He then turns on you.

"Where. The. Fuck." Karkat growls an inch away from your face. "Have. You. BEEN!"

"Careful there, Karkat." Kanaya rests a hand on his shoulder. "You don't want to wake up that murderous _psychopath_." She spits her words and nods towards Gamzee's door.

You guess that she isn't all that '_okay_' with him killing her. It's interesting to see Kanaya struggle with her contempt. You've never seen her displaying any negative emotion above the level of gentle disagreement.

"I was down in the valley, collecting plants." You pat your loyal satchel. "You don't expect Jade to recover from her injuries on good intentions alone, do you?"

"You can take those magical healing herbs and shove them up your jaded, deadpan, tight-as-fuck asshole!" Karkat pushes through you and starts stalking towards the main computer room. "The humans are gone! Along with any chance of actually finishing this Gog forsaken game!"

You want to tell Karkat that there was no reason for him to be as specific as to say '_asshole'_. He could have just said '_ass'_. At least then it wouldn't have felt so grimy. You decide to shelve that issue for later though and valiantly press on with the matters at hand.

"What do you mean the humans are gone? Jade is in no state to travel. Where did they go?"

The three of you have now entered the main computer room. Karkat crosses over to his desk, stepping hurriedly over Tavros in the process.

"I'm pretty sure the humans went after their stupid human friend, Rose." He sinks into his chair. "Even though I specifically told you, _Kanaya_, to tell the humans that there was no time for sloppy rescue missions!"

"I advised them to abandon Rose, just like you said." Kanaya crosses her arms and glares at Karkat. "John seemed to take to the idea readily. I had no reason to belief that he was acting deceitful."

"Oh of course not! No reason at all, huh?!" Karkat begins typing furiously into his computer, bringing up his viewfinder. "You probably let him go after Rose! I knew that you were a little too interested in that human girl, Kanaya! It's clouding your judgment, making you irrational, forcing you to behave- HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

All three of you examine the screen. Karkat grabs great fistfuls of his hair and starts to pull, Kanaya covers her mouth with her hands, and you simply stare at the screen. It doesn't seem possible. After all the work you had all put into your plans, Karkat was right. All hope really is lost.

John and Rose are dead.

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are now Karkat Vantas. And you are so _done._

In fact they should invent a new word just to describe how _done_ you are, as you think it's safe to bet that no one who has ever existed before has been as _done_ as you currently are.

"I can't… I don't even… FUCK!" You shove away from your desk, knocking over your chair in the process.

"Karkat!" Kanaya exclaims. You don't pay her any attention though. You proceed to kick at your overturned chair and send it skidding away across the floor.

"DON'T YOU '_KARKAT'_ ME, KANAYA!" You roar. "I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. I FUCKING KNEW IT! BUT NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME, DO THEY? NOT UNTIL IT'S TOO FUCKING, GOG-DAMN, BULGE DRINKING LATE! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT…"

"He's coming back to life." Aradia says calmly.

You shove both of the girls out of the way and grab the edges of your monitor tightly in your gasp, as if you're afraid that it might float away.

"Hmmm. It seems that you are correct, Aradia." Kanaya leans over your shoulder to get a good look at the view finder. "His privileges of god-tier status are bringing him back to life, but what about Rose?"

"He'll have to kiss her." You breathe, only answering Kanaya's question out of reflex.

You're still processing everything that has happened in the past… How long has it been? An hour? Gamzee killing Kanaya, you reviving Kanaya, Gamzee killing Sollux, Sollux staying dead as hell, dead Nepeta, unconscious Equius, revived Nepeta, dead Tavros, crazy Vriska…

Vriska.

Terezi!

"Alright!" You have to act. Now is the time for you to be the leader. "KANAYA!"

Even though your friend and first mate is by your side, you still feel the need to call for her. There's something about the way that she stands at attention, awaiting orders, that gets you all hot and bothered.

"You need to get in contact with John." You command. "As soon as he wakes up, have him mack on Rose until she's revived."

"Understood." Kanaya goes to retrieve your chair, returning it to your desk before grabbing your headset and getting to work. You know you can always trust Kanaya to take care of business. Maybe that's why she doesn't bother you as much as anyone else.

"ARADIA!" The other troll girl winces as you shout a foot away from her ear. "Terezi ran off to stop Vriska. You and I are going to find them."

"Lead the way, fearless leader." She says.

You can tell when you're being mocked.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU GRUB EATING BITCH AND COME ON!"

You dash from the computer room with Aradia hot on your heels. You'll head to Vriska's room first and she if Terezi's cornered her there.

"Where are you going?" Aradia grabs your elbow.

"Vriska's room!" You wrench free of her grasp. "Where the fuck else!"

"Nepeta said that Vriska passed her going up the stairs."

"Oh FUCK!" You push past Aradia and lead the way in the opposite direction, towards the stairs. "They're probably having some super intense stand off on the roof! Dammit! This is just the kind of melodrama I want to avoid!"

"You know Vriska," Aradia keeps up easily. She's in a lot better shape than you. "She loves to make a scene. Same goes for Terezi."

"Maybe that's why they used to be such good friends." You growl and gnash your teeth like some sort of angry, wild animal. "They have a mutual interest in being ANNOYING AS ALL FUCK!"

"Speaking of good friends, where is your buddy Sollux?"

You stumble over the first step and only Aradia's hand under your arm keeps you from busting your teeth on the stairs. Clambering to your feet, you quickly mull over your options.

1. Tell Aradia that Sollux is dead

2. Lie and say that he isn't

3. Abscond from this really uncomfortable conversation

"Sollux is dead." You decide to not beat around the hive and give it to her straight. You quickly start up the stairs again, as if you can outrun your own words.

You get to the first landing and glance over your shoulder to see that Aradia hasn't moved. She's gazing pointedly at the place where you were just standing.

"Aradia?" You descend a few steps towards her.

"Where?" She snaps, still staring blankly.

"The hangar. Gamzee got him with…" But the rest of your words fall on deaf ears. Aradia has turned tail and is now dashing in the direction of the hangar. "ARADIA GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

She doesn't respond or even acknowledge your call, but instead disappears around the corner without a second look. What's her deal? You've never known Aradia to give a shit about anything, but apparently now something is _ultra-important_ compared to the _low-quality_ life and death scenario currently playing out on the roof.

Maybe you'd been a little insensitive with the delivery of the news regarding Sollux's death. Now that you think about it, Sollux and Aradia were probably pretty close friends. You've seen them spending time together before, but hadn't really thought much of it.

"Leave it to Aradia," You huff as you climb the stairs. Damn, you are_ really_ out of shape. "To go running off during some real heavy shit like someone is giving away free Faygo in the damn parking lot. FUH!"

When you finally reach your destination, you resist the temptation to collapse into a heap at the top of the stairs and catch your breath. You're a leader, not a runner or a jumper or a fighter. How the hell did Terezi and Vriska get up here so fast?

You're wheezing pitifully as you throw the door open and step out into open air.

The first thing you see is…

"Terezi!"

She's sitting cross-legged on the roof a few yards away from you. She doesn't turn or acknowledge your presence at all when you call her name.

"Hey!" You start walking towards her. "Did you catch up with…"

You've just gotten close enough to see what's lying in front of Terezi, that which she's staring at with a sort of sickening sadness that makes your stomach roll over.

"Fuck…"

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you have just died… again.

What is it with you and dying? Seriously, this is the second time someone's got a cheap shot on you from behind. The only difference is that this time you're pretty sure that you won't come back.

Which, when you think about it, really kind of sucks. There was so much that you wanted to do! So much that you wanted to say, to Vriska, to your friends Dave, Jade, and Rose, and to all of your new friends, all the trolls whose names would take far too long to list.

Huh. That's cool. You've never had that many friends before, and you probably won't ever again.

Because you're dead. For the second time. In like… the same day?

You think about your Dad and instantly regret it. He had been just lying there, unmoving, unseeing. It would almost have looked like he was sleeping if you ignored his wide, blank stare, and copious amounts of dried blood pooled around the gaping hole in his chest.

Yeah, you really regret thinking about your Dad. Therefore you stop and try to think about something else, something a whole lot less depressing.

Nothing comes to mind. Everything sucks.

Then you wake up.

"Holy Shit!" You scream and then you're on your feet.

Your head is spinning and you feel like your legs are made of jelly, but you are undoubtedly alive once again. You look down at your god tier outfit. It hasn't changed except for the addition of a startling quantity of red and a pair of holes, one above your chest and another on your back.

That's where you were stabbed. You were _stabbed_ by Jack Noir.

You turn quickly, drawing your hammer and casting about for your enemy. However, the winged wolf beast is now gone without a trace. You're not too disappointed though. You're head is still really foggy right now and you doubt that you'd put up much of a better fight the second time around.

The best option for you right now is to find your friends and HOLY SHIT ROSE IS LYING RIGHT HERE WHY DIDN'T YOU NOTICE HER EALIER!

"Rose! Oh fuck." You drop by her side and shove your fingers up under her jaw.

Her skin is cool to the touch and you cannot feel the tell tale signs of a pulse, not even a faint one.

Rose is dead.

"No no no no. You'll come back." You pull your friend up into your arms, supporting her head like a child. "You'll come back, right? _I_ came back."

You wait for Rose to come back. She has to, since there is no other option. Vriska had told you something about death and quest beds and resurrection and god tiers, but you're having trouble remembering exactly what she said right now. Rose will come back to life. You've done it twice, why can't she?

You wait.

In the meantime, you busy yourself with keeping her wispy hair out of her face and tucked safely behind her ear. The hole in her stomach looks impossibly big to you, as if you're in danger of falling into it and disappearing forever.

Tearing your eyes away from the wound takes more effort than you would have thought. You chose instead to stare at a spot between Rose's eyebrows. If she's going to wake up…

No.

_When_ she wakes up, the first thing you're going to see is that familiar little crease form on her brow. It's the little frown that always comes when she's uncomfortable or upset. You have to look closely to see it though, since most of the time Rose tries to cover up her emotions like a hand knitted cozy over a laptop.

However, she's not as good at feigning stoicism as she thinks she is. You've always been able to tell.

"Come on, Rose. Don't keep me waiting." You gently pat her cheek with two fingers. "You're gonna wake up. You not gonna leave me here alone."

You're dead Dad is lying a few yards away. You dead friend is lying in your arms. This isn't possible. The universe can't be this cruel.

"Do- don't…" You wipe at your eyes angrily. "Don't leave me!"

You bury her in your chest because you can't bear the thought of having to bury her anywhere else.

"John!"

You're eyes snap open and you look down at the curve of Rose's head, pressed against your collarbone.

"Rose?"

"No, John. This is Kanaya."

You're so completely confused until you remember that you're still wearing your glasses. Someone has called you.

"Who is this?" You adjust your glasses and push them further back onto your nose.

"It's Kanaya. I already told you that, John." The voice is calm and smooth. It makes you angry. How can anyone be _calm_ and _smooth_ at a time like this!

"Well what do you want?!" You snarl, holding onto Rose a fraction tighter.

"I'm here to help. You can still save Rose."

You're listening more closely now.

"How? What do it do?"

"You have to kiss her. That's the quickest way to do it. There are others, but they're a tad messier and a few of them are actually illegal. So, yes. You must kiss her."

She's rambling. You realize that Kanaya is nervous. About what? You have no idea, but you highly doubt she has any reasons to be upset that can hold a candle to your own.

"Really, that's it? Are you trolling me right now Kanaya? This seems like a really shitty time to fuck around."

"No I am being completely sincere. Once a player has died, another player can revive them if they kiss quickly enough. I would hurry up and do it though. I doubt she has much time left."

Alright, just kiss her. That sounds easy enough.

You adjust your grip so that Rose is now situated at a better angle. A dribble of blood his leaked from between her black lips and you brush it away with your thumb.

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

Her lips are cold against yours and you shiver involuntarily. Does anyone shiver voluntarily though? You don't think there's ever been a person who just straight up volunteered to shiver.

It's not your first kiss and it certainly isn't your best, but it could be a lot worse you suppose. You're eyes are squeezed shut and you have one hand buried in her hair and another gripping her waist tight enough to bruise. You don't care though, as long as this works.

"Ahem."

Please let this work.

"Ah-Hem."

Oh fuck, please, please work.

"AH- FUCKING-HEM!"

You pull away from Rose with an audible _smooch_ and tap your glasses.

"Kanaya?" You ask

"Are we quite done?" She sounds a little disgruntled. "I asked you to kiss her, not smother her into oblivion."

"Oh, yeah." You feel your face start to heat up despite yourself. "I- well I just… wanted to make sure it worked."

"Hmmm." Something about the way she hums makes you think that she doesn't believe you.

"Honestly!" You defend yourself. "I'm not a necromorph or whatever! You told me to kiss her and I did!"

"I believe the term you're searching for is '_necrophiliac' _and I completely understand." Her voice is completely monotone.

"Whatever, so did it work?" As you ask, you search for Rose's pulse again and find it.

She's alive.

"Yes, of course it worked. It's amazing that you've gotten this far in the session with such limited knowledge of the most mundane methods of resurrection."

"Okay, seriously Kanaya is there a problem here?"

"What ever do you mean?"

"You're being really snarky with me all of the sudden. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I…" She takes a deep breath. "Forgive me, John. Today has been full of difficulties. Regardless, I should not take out my aggressions on you. It is… unprofessional of me."

"Don't sweat it. You've been a big help, Kanaya." You lower Rose to the ground and stand up to stretch your back. You suddenly feel really exhausted. "So, what should I do next?"

"I recommend that you return to our base. Once you're all back here, we can discuss the next step in our plans."

"Alright." You look down at Rose and then risk a glance towards your Dad. "Hey Kanaya."

"Yes?"

"Do you… Do you think I can bring my Dad back?"

There's a long pause. You try to breathe normally.

"John…" Another pause. "I'm sorry, but… he's not a player and too much time has passed since…"

"Alright." You wipe at your eyes again, albeit a little less angrily than before.

"I'm really sorry…"

"How long until I can move Rose?" You cut her off. You don't want to talk about it anymore.

"She- Well, you can move her now if you like, but she probably won't wake up for a few minutes. Her body needs time to recover, you see."

"Okay. We're on our way back now." You hang up on Kanaya before she can say goodbye or apologize again.

You're just stooping down to pick up Rose, when you notice a blinking light on the corner of the lens of you glasses. Someone has left you a message.

"Hey, John listen. As soon as you get this message…"

It's Vriska. You listen to her message and decide to call her back while Rose recovers.

"Hello?" A voice answers on the third ring.

"Hey, Vriska! I just got your message and I…"

"OH FUCK NO! I CANNOT DO THIS! NO FUCKING WAY!"

"Karkat?" You check to make sure you called the right number. "Karkat, why are you on Vriska's phone?"

"Ahhhhh shiiiiit." Karkat exhales heavily. "John, before we proceed with anything can I ask you something? Frienemy to Frienemy?"

"Frienemy? What's that? Is that another troll romance quadrant?"

"NO DIPSHIT. There are only four quadrants! Otherwise they wouldn't be called _quad-_rants!"

"Okay, jeez. Who cares?"

"A Frienemy is a friend and an enemy mixed together or something of the like. I thought it was a human word."

"I've never heard it." You admit.

"Well that's what we are at this point, seeing as I don't respect or like you enough to assign any other term to this rather forced and uncomfortable relationship."

"For fuck's sake, man. Weren't you going to ask me something?"

"Right, back to this incredibly sad and horribly awkward matter at hand." Karkat exhales again. "John, did you and Vriska actually like each other?"

You're caught off guard.

"Well, I… what?"

"Just answer the question, John."

"I… yeah, I like Vriska and she seems to like me. I think she's nice and well…We're Matesprits, right?"

"Yeah…" Karkat suddenly sounds as tired as you feel.

"I think that has to count for something, right?" You continue. "I mean, I don't really understand troll romance all that well, but it seems like she kind of has a thing for me. Did you hear that message she sent me?"

"I heard it."

"Well first off, you shouldn't be snooping, Karkat. Haha." Beside you, Rose starts to stir. "And secondly, why do you have Vriska's phone? Where is…"

"SHUT UP, JOHN!" You wince as he suddenly shouts in your ear. "GIVE ME A SECOND TO MULL OVER MY OPTIONS HERE!"

"Okay… jeez." You wait as Karkat mutters under his breath quietly. What's everyone's deal today?

You suppose that Kanaya must of have been telling the truth when she said that today had been difficult for them too. You wonder what the trolls have been up to while you were away.

"Listen, Karkat. Is everything okay on your end?" You prod.

"No, everything is most certainly _not_ okay!" He snaps. "We'll talk about it later though. Don't worry about Vriska. She is totally not dead."

"Okay?"

"Speaking of dead, did you bring Rose back to life yet?"

"Oh yeah!" You glance down at your friend. She appears to be unconscious or at least asleep, but thankfully still alive. "Kanaya called and talked me through it. Everything is okay over here."

"Good, at least one thing went right. Now John, get your ass back here ASAP, okay?"

"Alright. Hey, can you tell Vriska I said…"

Karkat hangs up on you. What an insensitive dick!

You look down at Rose. Her eye lids are fluttering and you watch as she twists her lips, muttering in her sleep. It isn't safe here, standing on top of this spire in Jack Noir's castle. He may have left, but for how long? You do not want to be here when he gets back.

You kneel down and very carefully take Rose into your arms. You don't say goodbye to your Dad. You don't want to.

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are once again Karkat Vantas. And it turns out that you have somehow surpassed the level of _done_ that you were previously and have now transcended to something else, something completely indescribable, but entirely _done._

Out of all the shit that's happened today, this just has to be the icing on the cake. By taking Vriska's headset and listening to her last message, you've all but condemned yourself to sleepless nights left to wallow in the terrible irony of it all.

"You didn't tell him." Says a terribly quiet voice from behind you.

It's Terezi Pyrope. You're former Matesprit and friend. The Law.

"No, of course I didn't." You aren't yelling right now. In fact, it seems entirely likely that you won't ever yell at her again. "I need John to be thinking straight if we have any chance of finishing this. If he's alive, then so is Rose. They'll come back here and all the humans will be together again. Everything… should work out in the end."

Terezi just nods. It's a rare day when you aren't in the mood to yell and when Terezi isn't in the mood to argue with everything you say. But then again, you've never had a day like this before. So you guess this day counts as rare.

"I'm going downstairs." Terezi turns to leave. Her blood stained cane is clutched tightly in her fist.

"Hey." You call after her and she stops. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." She takes another step but you reach out and grab her free hand.

"Terezi, I need to know if you're alright."

She turns to face you and you are stunned by what you see. Her face is not streaked with cyan tears, her lower lip is not trembling, and her hand is firm in yours.

"Karkat." She says. Her red glasses flash in the moonlight. "I've never been better."

And as she slides from your grip and disappears down the stairs, you can't help but disagree completely. You've never seen anyone more broken. No matter what Terezi says, she and Vriska were once friends and killing a friend never leaves you feeling _better._

Justice was served.

But then why does it feel as if no one won? Why does it feel like everyone lost? Maybe because you all did. Maybe because you don't know what it feels like to win anymore? The bodies just keep piling up.

All you know is that when you look down at Vriska's corpse, you feel nothing but guilt.

Some leader you were.

**END OF ACT ONE.**

* * *

**This is the end of Act One of this story or whatever. I don't know when this story turned into a sloppy rewrite of Homestuck, but I guess that's what it is now. I have a plan for where things are heading and hopefully you guys will be surprised and maybe ha**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	10. ACT 2 - PART 1

**Chapter Ten**

**Thanks to SleeplessMemories and Sleeping Kangaroo for reviewing.  
**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too. A lot of shit that has been happening recently is too heavy. You need to chill out for a while.

Well… you'd _like_ to chill out for a while. The universe has other plans though, just like it always does. You're frustrated with a lot of things right now, for example your desire to chill the fuck out and your inability to stop the pounding of your heart and the sick fire in your gut.

You wipe the sweat off your brow for like the billionth time in the last hour or so. You and Jade have been walking under the LOWAS sun, making your way back towards the troll's base, and even though cool breezes tousle your hair every so often and the humidity is near non-existent, you're still sweating like a bloated swine.

"Are you alright, Dave?" Jade asks, looking over her shoulder. "You don't look too good."

"Oh yeah, you know me." You respond. "I'm about as alright as it gets. I'm the king of alright and this is my kingdom. I hope you like being alright, because that's all anyone feels in Alrightsire."

"HAHA!" Jade snorts. "Is _Alrightsire_ the name of your kingdom?"

"You bet your fine ass it is."

"Nice!" She grins at you. "But seriously Dave, if you feel like stopping for second, just let me know. I'd hate for you to have a heat stroke on me!"

"A _heat_ stroke. Really, Harley? I think you forgot who you were talking to." You jab two thumbs into your chest. "I'm Dave Fucking Strider and I'm…"

"The king of cool, lord coolio, cooltechGodhead? Yeah I know who you are, Dave. Haha." She's still smiling although her voice has a little bit more force to it. "Tell me if you want to rest though."

You don't jab at her with another metaphoric masterpiece, but instead brush her off with a wave of your hand. There's no way in LOHAC that you're going to be the one to bitch out and ask for a break. Something in your head, probably the logical part, is telling you that you're being illogical. That just makes you all the more frustrated. It literally feels like something is burning you up from the inside. Could it be…

"Maybe by the time we get there, John and Rose will already be back!"

Oh yeah, it's guilt. Thanks, Jade…

You should tell her what happened. You should tell her that you ran away from a fight and didn't question John's order to retreat. You should tell her that you're afraid.

But you won't. Bro always taught you that a true badass can process his emotions and deal with them efficiently. You'd never really understood how to go about doing it though. Controlling your emotions sounds a whole lot easier than it actually is.

Then again you don't really know how much of your Bro's teachings you can trust anymore. Not after everything he's done. You risk a glance at Jade's wounded hand, swinging gracefully by her side. The bandages have soaked though with blood and are now stained a dull red.

"After the golden ship crashed." You say. "I ran to find you and John went ahead into the castle. As far as I know he's still there."

She stops and looks at you with the most confused and startled face you've ever seen.

"What?" Jade blinks at you. "Dave, what are you talking about?"

"I abandoned John and Rose!" You clench your fists and shout at her. "That's what happened, Jade. That's a thing that _I _did!"

Jade appears to be utterly flabbergasted. Her mouth opens and closes several times, before it shuts for good.

"No." She crosses her arms.

You've both come to a stop and standing idly underneath the sun makes you feel hotter than ever.

"What the hell do you mean '_no'_?"

"I mean _no_, that's not what happened. You didn't abandon anyone, Dave."

"I don't know what happy fantasy land you're currently imagining, but it sounds pretty sweet and if you're selling them, I'd happily buy a one way ticket."

"You didn't abandon anybody!" She stamps her foot and you fight off the smirk that tugs at your lips.

She's too fucking cute. If Beanie Babies had the ability to buy stuffed animals, they would all have a little Jade Harley plushy tucked away between their bed pillows.

"Yeah I did. John and Rose…"

"John and Rose can take care of themselves." Her maimed hand gets waved in your face. "But I can't! That's what you did; you chose to take care of my sorry, worthless ass!"

"You aren't worthless!" You're quick to amend her. Now things are going too far. "You're the complete opposite of that. You're a veritable Swiss Army Knife in human form."

"Oh please, I totally crashed that ship back there!"

"Because you were shot out of the damn sky! That could have happened to anyone one of us."

"Yeah, Dave." She bristles. "But it happened to me! Then you _had_ to come help me and I don't blame you for that, not at all! What makes me mad is that you thought you had to lie to me!"

"Well you wouldn't have come with me if you'd known John and Rose were still in danger."

"Yeah, well... You! You SUCK!" She turns and starts to march away.

You heave a great sigh and trudge after her, keeping pace easily enough. Her chin is pointed so high it's a wonder that she can even see anything in front of her. Something about the sun shining off her profile makes you sweat just a little bit more too.

"Was that an argument back there?" You ask. "Because honestly I'm a little confused by what just happened."

"I'm just… I don't know, Dave." Jade slows to a stop and leans against a nearby rock. "I just need some time to think. I'm really feeling kind of pissy right now for some reason. Is it cool if we…"

You catch her before she reaches the ground. You'd never seen someone faint before and if it weren't for your ninja-like reflexes, Jade probably would have ended up with a mouthful of dirt.

"Harley?" You lower her to the ground, careful to rest her in the shade of the blue rock. "Yo, Jade! Now isn't the time for one of your narcoleptic spells. Wake up and smell the motor oil."

"Fuuuuh." Jade's eyes flutter open, but her gaze remains unfocused. "I'm bleeding." She says.

"What? Where?" You run your eyes over her body quickly. It's not a bad view. Jade's always been slim and tall, not to say she doesn't have curves in all the right YOU'RE GETTING DISTRACTED STRIDER!

She raises her left hand and waves it feebly once more. It's completely red and looks damp enough for you to probably wring it out like a wet sponge.

"Ah shit fuck." You reach up and yank off your hood. Wow you should have done that way earlier, you're a lot cooler this way. You're not taking off the cape though, that thing is too sweet to be off your shoulders. "Here, let's just wrap it up some more."

You do your best to delicately wrap her hand with the hood and she whimpers quietly when you jostle it slightly.

"That's not going to work." She breathes. "Not for long."

"Well it's the best I've got for the moment. Any other suggestions?" You snap your fingers twice in front of her eyes when they start to drift shut again. "Come on, Harley. Stay with me."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She blinks up at you sheepishly. "I'm just feeling super sleepy all the sudden."

"Well you can't sleep now." You drag her arm around your shoulders and help her to her feet. "The troll's base should just be a hop, skip, and jump away. You'll gonna be fine."

Jade doesn't respond, unless leaning into you and humming a song that sounds eerily similar to something you've heard before in "Space Jam" counts as a response.

You scoff at that shitty film, another one of John's attempts to educate you on the subject of incredibly poor cinematic endeavors. When the movie had finally ended, you'd felt older but no wiser and your love for Looney Toons was quickly eclipsed by your sympathy for Michael Jordan. Oh how the mighty shall fall…

You half-carry Jade down a rough path towards where you're pretty sure you'll salvation lies in wait. There are lots of oil puddles that you have to avoid, but other than that you're biggest problem is trying to not breathe too heavily whilst struggling under Jade's weight.

Have you mentioned how hot it is yet? It's hot as dicks out here.

You start to wonder if John's managed to save your ecto-sister by now, or if they've both suffered some terribly cruel and most likely painful death. Obviously you're silently praying for the former, but you've learned pretty recently that you shouldn't get your hopes up.

Jade's mumbling something.

"N-no." She says quietly.

"Jade?" You bump her with your elbow.

"No… No, Bec that's mine."

You smirk. Jade's muttering in her sleep. It would be adorable if she wasn't dreaming about her dead dog.

You look down at her hand again, which is hanging limply by her side. It's dripping droplets of blood and when you crane your neck to look behind you, you can see the trail of spots, like red bread crumbs you're leaving behind in you wake.

Growing up on an exotic island, Jade's always had a healthy tan. Right now she looks as pale as a ghost.

You're mulling over you options, choosing between calling Karkat for help or plowing ahead yourself, when you feel something land on your head with a dull _splat._

"Da Fuk?" You pat at your hair and you feel something hot and sticky. For a second you're worried that your body has sprung a leak too and that now you're spewing your precious life blood out of the top of your head like some kind of land-whale, then you look up and see that it's started to rain.

It's started to rain oil.

"Fuck me, really?!" It almost seems too bad to be true. This literally has to be the _shittiest_ day ever.

The drops come down hard and fast, slapping against the ground hard enough to make you wince. You and Jade need to find shelter fast, before you're both completely drenched in the heavy, flammable liquid.

"Leave it to John to have the worst land. Oil instead of water? What the fuck, dude?" You spot an alcove of blue rocks, looking a little unsteady but wonderfully dry, and shuffle over to it.

You flop Jade down onto the ground a little harder than you planned, but she barely seems to notice. Her eyes are closed and her breathing is labored. The hood you wrapped around her hand is doing a shit job of pretending to be a towel and is already sopping wet.

"I'm sorry, man. I hate to do this, but you know… desperate times." If you weren't a cool fucking dude, a single tear would probably run down your cheek as you quickly untie your cape and wrap it around Jade's hand.

Oh well, that thing was sweet while it lasted. Maybe your sweet mega-super-ultra-god powers include the ability to regenerate capes? You certainly hope so.

You're no doctor. All you know is that you should apply pressure to slow down the bleeding. So you sit on the hard ground and pull Jade's hand into your lap, pressing your cape around her wound. Her breathing hitches for a second and you're sure it's because of the pain. You keep the pressure on anyways though, since she's better hurting than dead.

"Well, Harley." You sigh. "Remember that one time we were like '_Hey let's play a video game! What can possibly go wrong?'_ and then we played the fucking game? Yeah, those were good times."

You lean against the far wall of the alcove and watch the black rain fall a couple of yards away from you. Right now you're dry, safe, and with Jade. That's what keeps you from truly descending into a depressed fit. You're just starting to nod off when you get a phone call.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently under the impression that you are dead. This seems like a safe deduction to make, as the last thing you remember is being stabbed to death by Bec Noir.

However, there's something about the surprising amount of warmth pressed against you and the feeling of wind blowing through your hair, which heavily implies otherwise. You've never associated death with warmth and wind before, and the possibility that you've shed you're earthy ties and transcended to another realm seems unlikely, since your research on the topic has given you the impression that the underworld is anything but _warm _and _windy._

Cold and drafty maybe, but it must certainly not be this comfortable. It's almost as if you're flying.

You open your eyes.

"Hey, Rose! Good, you're finally awake."

You look from John's grinning face, to his arms cradling you to his chest, and then to the ground far below.

Much to your displeasure, a shrill '_eek' _escapes from your lips and you throw you arms around John's neck, pulling yourself closer to him. You are, in all actuality, fully alive and currently in the process of flying without any recognizable source of propulsion or lift.

"John…" You squeak, swallow and try again. "John, I see that you have fully recognized your role as the Heir of Breath."

"Well it's nice see you too." He still smiling, and do you detect a hue of red coloring his cheeks?

"Ah, it appears that my ability to form coherent sentences has returned. Isn't that a relief?"

"Yeah, it's good to hear your real voice again, as opposed to whatever Klingon nonsense you were spouting earlier."

There's something about that statement that causes you to smile. You decide it's the fact that after everything that has happened, John is still the same old John.

"It's good to see death hasn't changed you, John. You still make dated pop culture references every opportunity you get."

"Star Trek is not dated." He argues. "It's timeless!"

"Of course, forgive me for not being appreciative of William Shatner's precious attempts at acting." He rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling. "Excuse me, John. But on an unrelated note, are you wearing my lipstick?"

Indeed, you've just noticed a distinct smudge of black across his mouth.

"What?" He asks, looking a little more than confused.

"You're lips, John. They're black."

"Oooh. I must have got some of it on me when I kissed you." He shrugs and you blink at him.

"When you kissed…" You echo quietly, then your brain kicks in. "Ah, I see. You kissed me in order to bring me back to life. Impressive, John. I had no idea that you'd taken the time to research some of the game's mechanics."

"Well actually it was Kanaya that told me about it." He admits. You appreciate John's honesty.

"I thank you anyways." You risk removing a hand from John's neck to pat him on the chest. "I would have remained dead if not for you actions. Therefore I appreciate it."

"It's no big deal."

That's John, innocently humble to a fault. You'll have to thank Kanaya too next time you talk to her, which will hopefully be in person. Before you were kidnapped by the imps (an event that was not only life-threatening, but incredibly embarrassing) you spent a great amount of time conversing with Kanaya, coming up with plans and learning about your session.

Her professional attitude and pleasant demeanor were a good change of pace compared to other trolls you've had the misfortune of conversing with. You look forward to more interactions with the vampire fashion queen.

"I'm sorry, but would you mind bringing us down to ground level for a moment?" You ask. "I'd like to stretch my legs, please."

"Oh, okay. No problem." John looks a little reluctant to end your flight but descends nonetheless.

You touch down and John lets you stumble out of his grasp. You're a little unsteady, but you feel a lot better with solid ground under your feet.

"I assume that we're on a course to the troll's base?" You ask as you brush the wrinkles from your dress and fix your hair as best as you can, adjusting your headband.

"Yeah, Karkat told us to head there." John finally wipes your lipstick from his mouth. "So, uh… you remember everything that happened after I found you in that castle?"

It's a bit of a random question, certainly unexpected but not really odd enough to ward you away from answering truthfully.

"Yes, I remember." He looks nervous, but you press on. "I'm sorry about your dad, John."

He nods.

"So, what happened when you were kidnapped? Were you hurt?"

It's a pretty sloppy way to change the subject, but you decide to let John get away with it, for now at least. Eventually he'll have to talk about what he saw on that spire. You resolve to be there when he's ready.

You proceed to tell John the details about your kidnapping by the imps and overview of your exposure to the Horrorterrors.

"I managed to escape however, through pure force of will." You explain. "But the damage was already done. I was, as you said, _Grimdark_."

"When I woke up, you were back to normal. So I guess dying is the cure to stubborn throes, huh?" He chuckles. "What was wrong with Jack Noir, by the way? I didn't know he was part wolf."

"I also found that to be troubling. When I was first brought before him, he did not have that appearance. It's my belief that underwent some sort of drastic transformation via dark magic to increase his power, whilst I was fighting for my life in the Horrorterror pit."

"Hmmmm." Something about the way he hums gives you the impression that he doesn't really understand. "I feel like I should apologize for that."

"For what?"

"Well, you were kind of being tortured by eldritch monsters while I was just wasting time. It took us a long time to get to you and I guess I'm sorry."

You watch John absent mindedly kick at a few loose rocks sprinkled over the ground. He's probably the only person in the entire world who'd feel bad for something out of his control. Even after busting into a castle, dealing with you in your Grimdark state, seeing his dead father, fighting by your side, and then dying, he feels like he _owes_ you something.

"You came for me, John. No one else was there, but you." You wish he'd look at you. "I know that you came as soon as you could. You saved my life and I am in your debt."

"I don't know." Before you can react, he's stepped up and wrapped you in his arms. "I'm just really glad that you're okay, Rose."

You smile and hug him back.

"And vice versa."

His nose is buried in your hair, so you have to listen closely to what he says next.

"We'll find your Mom, Jade's Grandpa, and everyone else. No one else is going to die. I promise you that."

"I'm afraid that, with everything that has already happened and all that will come to pass, you might find that a hard promise to keep."

"I gotta set the bar high, right?"

"Yes," You close your eyes and listen to John's heart beat inches away from your own. "I suppose so."

You don't know for sure, but if it weren't for the sudden arrival of motor oil-rain, you're pretty sure that you and John would have stayed there forever.

"Damn!" John takes a glob of oil straight in the face when he looks up and you suppress a laugh.

"I think that finding shelter should be our next priority. I doubt flying would be much of an enjoyable experience in this…" You halt your speech to dodge out of the way of another black bullet, whisking your dress out of harm's way at the last second. John get's the gist of what you were trying to say though.

"Agreed. There's actually a salamander village nearby. Those guys are awesome, I'm sure they'll let us wait out the storm there."

John grabs your hand and the pair of you jog down a dirt path that you hadn't noticed until now. You suppose that it would make sense that John would be more familiar with his own land than you, but still it irks you that you're not being very observant at the moment.

You need to get focused. Right now it feels like your head is full of cotton. If you and your friends have any chance of beating this thing, you need to be at the peak of your game.

You head into the village and you aren't surprised that there are none of the yellow salamanders milling around outside. They're most likely seeking shelter such as you.

John leads you towards one house and throws the door open without so much as a knock. You see a hallway leading towards a kitchen and a living room off to the side where several salamanders, a family you suppose, are sitting in several armchairs. You notice that they have left the couch vacant.

The salamanders seem to not only know John; they appear to be terrified him. They're blabbering to each other loudly and as soon as they catch sight of you, they all but lose control.

"Hello." You wave and the entire salamander family jumps up and dashes from the house and into the rain.

"See, I told you they were really nice!" John moves towards the couch, but seems to think better of it and takes one of the now empty chairs.

"They appear to have recognized you." You move towards the wall, examining a messily drawn piece of salamander art. It looks like a monkey having intercourse with a coconut, but you decide to not judge the salamanders and their choice in décor.

"Well I've…" He scratches at a spot on the chair's armrest. "I've… been through here before."

"Recently?" He nods and you take the chair nearest your friend, turning to face him. "With Vriska?"

"Yeah." He blushes and continues talking quickly. "You were wrong about her by the way, Vriska's actually really cool. She helped me get to god tier."

"That's quite an accomplishment too, although I can't help but wonder what part she played in your rise to such high a level."

You notice several things as John chooses his next words. He's scratching at the arm rest again, he's biting his lower lip subtly, and his gaze points down and away, in short: he's about to lie.

"She just… told me what to do and stuff. Nothing overly violent or underhanded in the least." He chuckles and you frown.

"John, look at me." It takes a second before blue irises meet violet. "I can't help but think that Vriska did the exact opposite of what you've just said. From what I've heard about her, she's more than capable of violence and deceit."

"You haven't even met her yet."

"Did she kill you?"

He looks away and you watch his knuckles whiten on the armrests. You really hope he doesn't break any of the furniture, since you're sure all the salamanders made them by hand.

"I think..." He stands up. "I'm going to take a walk, okay?"

You watch him, but he doesn't move.

"Don't go far." You say and only then does he walk out of the house and back into the rain.

You take a deep breath and rest your chin on your palm. Sometimes the truth hurts, but how else is John going to learn that you have his best interests at heart, that Vriska is indeed a bad influence on him. She's dangerous, hot headed, and psychotic, at least that's what Kanaya said.

"_What are you doing, Rose?"_

You shiver even though it isn't cold.

"_You think he appreciates having his brain picked apart all the time? You're not a friend, Rose. That's not how you treat friends."_

"Is that so?" You grimace. "And I take it that you are a paragon of friendship?"

"_Of course, we'll always be here for you, Rose."_

"How wonderful. I've always wanted demonic voices to plague my mind every waking moment of my short, miserable…"

Someone is calling you.

You tap a finger against your headband and the tiny screen mounted to the side flicks out, positioning itself over your left eye.

"Hello." You answer.

"Rose?!" A voice replies.

"Dave?" You respond.

"Karkat!" A third voice calls. "Now that the introductions are out of the way, we can get down to brass tacks. This call is not about which one of us can manage to be the heftiest sack of shame globes to one another. It is not about which one of us will most likely escort the other _'to school'_ where they will receive a large helping of _'oh snap'_ rammed down their insatiable ignorant shafts. It's about an important topic which needs to be discussed before any one of us progress on anymore terribly sloppy quests."

You roll your eyes towards the heavens and silently curse your luck. This is not the first troll you wanted to converse with upon your escape from Bec Noir's castle.

"I'm sorry, Karkles." You can hear Dave's ignorant smirk over the airwaves. "As soon as you started talking, I just tuned you out. It was just a bunch of _bluh bluh bluh's_. It's like Charlie Browns teacher decided to drop me a line for no apparent reason."

"I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING HUMAN BABIES!"

"I believe what Karkat is trying to say, is that we've just been though quite an ordeal and would like to discuss a rather pressing issue as painlessly as possible." It's a fourth infinitely smoother and more attractive voice now.

"Kanaya." You don't fight your smile. "It's wonderful to hear from you again. However, I'm troubled to hear that you've been dealing with some issues of your own."

"Hello, Rose. I appreciate your concern, but everything is resolved. Well, almost everything."

"Wow, will you two get a damn room already? Since when did this become _'Inter-species Relations: The Unabridged Audio Drama'_?"

You roll your eyes again, but your heart isn't in it this time. You've honestly missed your ecto-brother a lot.

"I believe you started this rather unintentional meeting of the hormones when you started courting… forgive me, I believe her name is Terezi?" You rebuke.

You hear a harsh wheezing noise, which you guess is someone breathing heavily and resisting the urge to lose control. That must be Karkat.

"Ah yes, that fine piece of Alternian ass is still on my hit list, but you're mistaken in thinking that I started anything. Egbert's the one dancing the horizontal nudie waltz with Vriska." Dave says.

"What!" You shriek.

John would never… He couldn't… You need to collect yourself.

"I mean, what are you talking about, David?"

"One: Don't ever call me fucking _David_. And two: John totally had an intense bone session with Vriska ages ago, when you were busy playing damsel in distress."

"Kanaya?" You snap rather too quickly for your taste.

"Yes?" She responds instantly.

"Is this true?"

"Well… I doubt it's as revolting as Dave makes it out to be, but yes. John and Vriska are confirmed Matesprits."

"WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEXT TOPIC, IF YALL WILL STOP WITH ALL OF THIS DRAMATIC JIBBER JAB FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND!" Karkat's had enough.

You decide to shelve the issue of John's sex life for the time being, in favor of more pressing and less disturbing matters. The thought of John with anyone… you mean _Vriska_, just makes you feel… ill.

"I agree. This is a rather important matter that should be resolved quickly." Kanaya reminds all of you.

"Alright, good." You hear Karkat take several deep breaths. "Strider! Where the fuck is Jade?"

"Right here in my arms, Karkles. Why do you ask?"

"I phoned her too, why didn't she answer? Oh, and fuck you. Stop calling me _'Karkles'_."

"She's unconscious from blood loss and she also left her ear muffs at your lame ass base. Oh, and fuck you too. Your name is Karkles now and forever."

Jade is unconscious from blood loss? That's news to you.

"What happened to Jade?" You ask.

"IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!" Karkat roars before Dave can answer. "WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC! WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT VRISKA BEING DEAD AS ALL FUCK AND WHETHER OR NOT JOHN SHOULD KNOW!"

You swear that your heart stops beating.

"No."

"YES!" Karkat's on a roll now he isn't about to stop. "She went crazy after John ditched her for you, and then she killed two of our own. Terezi killed her and now Vriska's slowly rotting on the roof because no one has gone up to bury her in a shallow grave yet!"

Both Dave and Kanaya are silent. All you can hear is Karkat's grating voice and the pounding of the rain outside. Somewhere out there is John, alone because you prodded a little too deep and reminded him that his relationship with his first real girlfriend was based on lies and murder and an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy.

You wish Karkat would stop talking, but he doesn't.

"I vote." He takes his first breath for a long time. "That we don't tell John, at least not for a while. He just lost his dad and I don't know how much more we can pile on him before he snaps in half."

"John's Dad is dead?" Dave echoes so quietly that you almost think you imagined it. The conversation doesn't stop though.

"I also think that we should proceed with caution here." Kanaya inputs. "John shouldn't know until the time is right."

"Naw, that's bullshit." Dave interjects louder this time. "I would want to know if my hot alien girlfriend died and I know that John would want to know too. If he doesn't find out from us, then how will he find out? It will be a lot more fucked up if he finds out on his own."

"What do you think, Rose?" Kanaya asks tentatively.

What do you think? For the first time in your life, you're struggling for something to say. There doesn't seem to be a right answer to this problem, no matter what you say or do, John is going to get hurt. What does it matter if it's right now or a few hours down the road?

"I think…" You squeeze the bridge of your nose between your fingers. "I think that John deserves to know. Preferably sooner rather than later."

"It looks like it's an even tie then!" Karkat groans. "Why can't anything ever be easy?"

"I don't know what the fuck you've been smoking, buddy, but it must be some radical shit if you think this vote is anywhere close to a _tie_." Dave sounds a little upset. "No offense Kanaya, but you and Douchebag McGee have absolutely no say in what _our_ friend deserves to know or not. Especially is said knowledge directly concerns him."

"Listen you insufferable prick! Vriska was one of ours and we withhold the right to disclose information on her life/death status!"

"You didn't even like her!"

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!"

"Yeah it does!"

"NO IT DOESN'T!"

"SHUT UP!" You're standing up now, pacing the room furiously. "I'm putting an end to this ridiculous bickering right now!"

Dave goes silent while Karkat's grumbles eventually fade into white noise.

"Alright," You continue. "Seeing as I'm currently with John, I will be the one to tell him about Vriska when I deem it appropriate. Does anyone have a problem with that? Speak up if you do, not that it would matter, since I'm going to tell him anyways."

No one speaks.

"If you think that's for the best, then by all means." Kanaya breaks the silence.

Dave also hums his approval.

"Well then, now that that's out of the way, you will all come back to the base as soon as possible." Karkat says.

"No." You're sill pacing. "John and I are going to get The Tumor and then use it to destroy The Green Sun. Dave will deliver Jade to the troll's base for treatment, before continuing on to initiate The Scratch."

There's a moment of silence, then:

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, ROSE LALONDE! YOU CAN'T DISPENSE ORDERS LIKE THAT!"

"Well, Karkat. It seems like I just did." You snap.

"Well fuck me then… just, FINE FUCKING FINE!" Karkat seems confused about how he should act. "I'M DONE BEING LEADER ANYWAYS! I'M SO FUCKING _DONE_!"

You hear a soft beep and assume that Karkat has exited the call. However you can still hear some muted shouts from Kanaya's end, giving you the impression that somewhere out there Karkat is still ranting.

"Promise that you will be careful, Rose." Kanaya's smooth tones ring in your ear. "We cannot risk you're capture again."

"I'll be fine. John is with me."

"Hmmmm. Well in that case, until we talk again, goodbye."

"Goodbye, Kanaya."

She hangs up too, leaving both you and Dave.

"Well, Lalonde." You hear a crackling sound and you assume Dave's just cracked his neck. "This has been a regular blast, but it seems like you have an incredibly awkward and painful talk to have with my best Bro. So good luck, I guess."

"Thank you. Take care of Jade as well."

"No problem. Strider, out!"

He leaves you alone as well.

You have to tell John. You just have to. He deserves to know.

You've already hurt him once tonight by taking him to see his dad. What's one more broken heart? You can do this. It has to be you. You're his best friend.

"_Oh yes, Rose. You've done such a good job of being his friend before, why stop now?"_

You sigh and stand up. You're going to tell John.

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

You throw open the front door and step out into the rain.

* * *

= Be Bec Noir

You are now Bec Noir.

You are now a douche.

So, you honestly hadn't expected the human girl to be capable of fighting off the Horrorterrors. That had thrown you for a loop. It hadn't had any lasting percussions though, since you had ended up killing her anyway.

The real mistake was killing the Heir, which you sort of fucked up.

You had this whole scheme where you kidnapped their guardians, killed his father, tortured his friend, and finally goaded him into a fight where he would die by your hand. However you hadn't planned on him already being at God Tier level and dying like a chump bitch.

That's probably your fault though, seeing as you did stab him in the back.

No matter though, so your plans are a little delayed, so what? You'll still win in the end.

You look down at your minions. Only a handful of imps remain, along with the brother, and a new addition to your evil crew, a rather pleasant addition if you don't say so yourself.

What a wonderful surprise it had been for you to bump into the troll, Eridan Ampora, whilst heading towards your second castle in LOLAR. You had been slowly corrupting this troll over an extended period of time, talking to him through his headset and feeding him some bullshit about wizards or whatever.

You're tutelage has finally paid off though.

You're currently sitting in your second throne room, in your second castle in LOLAR. Eridan is telling you some useful information, information that he has withheld from you up to this point.

"It's a secret base," The troll says. "There's a blue boulder, you push it out of the way and then you're in. I'll draw you a map."

You nod and send the imps for some drawing supplies. You'll send the brother to dispatch the rest of the worthless trolls and discover the human's plans. It also might be a good idea to send Eridan to protect The Green Sun, the source of your power, since the human's most likely want it gone.

You allow yourself a rare and super fucking evil smile. It feels good to have all your plans laid before you and ready to go. Things have hit a snag, but now they're starting to look up.

You decide to celebrate.

You tell the imps to bring you the grandfather.

* * *

**Well here we go, some more John and Rose interaction. I've always liked their pesterlogs and such where they interacted in Homestuck and if I'm being honest, Grimdorks is kind of my OTP.**

**For those who review: What's your OTP?**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	11. ACT 2 - PART 2

**Chapter Eleven**

**Thanks to ObsessiveFanFictioner15 for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Kanaya Maryam

You are Kanaya Maryam. You would think that as second in command of the trolls, you would be given more important, elegant tasks than scrubbing the computer room floor.

You kneel down and drag your rag across the ground again, soaking up some more of the rust-colored blood. What a terrible mess! You were forced to change out of your wonderful battle-dress and into these dreadful work clothes.

"Yellow rubber gloves." You grumble under your breath. "You have got to be joking."

As far as you know, Karkat and Terezi are outside, struggling to bury four of your friends. Tavros, Sollux, Vriska, and Feferi are all dead. You remember seeing all of them the other day, talking and laughing and arguing with each other. They were alive and now they're not.

You squeeze out some more of Tavros's blood into the cleaning box. You dampen your rag and continue to scrub.

Karkat found Feferi outside of Eridan's room, discarded like a limp doll and a hole burned straight through her chest. It doesn't take much guess work to figure out what had happened. That Eridan had killed Feferi with his stupid wand and escaped on the last rocket car.

How he got pass Sollux and Equius, who were in the hangar, is the real question. Although, you'll have to wait until Equius wakes up to get more answers.

You had always considered Eridan a bit of a creep. A well-dressed creep, but still a creep. Regardless, you would never have thought him capable of murder.

It's a rather startling thought to realize that you've been living amongst murderers.

Eridan, Vriska, and the clown: Gamzee.

You squeeze your rag again, a little harder than usual.

_Gamzee._

He'd cracked you over the head with his club and killed you. Right now he's taking a comfortable nap in his room with the promise of a pleasant snack when he wakes up. That doesn't seem very fair to you. You doubt it would sound fair to anyone with half of a brain.

You feel the subtle weight of your lipstick tube, nestled safely in your pocket. For a brief moment, you entertain yourself with the idea of giving Gamzee a little visit. It would be quick, you would be back in no time and nobody would find out until it was far too late.

A small voice in your brain reminds you that Karkat would be upset if you killed his friend, no matter how much of a lunatic that friend was.

"What's that human saying?" You wonder, standing up and pulling off the ridiculous rubber glove." Ask for forgiveness not permission."

Yet even as you make your way towards the door, you're torn between doing the right thing and doing what you feel is right. You wonder if you should call Rose and explain to her your dilemma. In the time that you've known the human girl, she's proven to be nothing but helpful.

You disregard that thought quickly though, she's probably busy dealing with John and the loss of his adult male guardian. It's easy for you to relate to John, as the loss of your own lusus is still fresh within your mind. You wish that you could have spoken to him longer and maybe given him some comfort, but you know that isn't your place. Rose will take care of John.

The matter at hand, though, is not so clean cut. You are less sure about what your '_place'_ is in this particular scenario. Gamzee killed you, therefore you deserve retribution. Karkat wants Gamzee alive and as leader you should listen to him.

You're in the hallway now, steadily walking towards Gamzee's room. If you do this, what will you become? A hero of justice, like Terezi or a merciless killer, like Vriska. Or maybe you'll just be a psycho, like Gamzee himself.

The entrance to his room is right in front of you now. There's a messily drawn picture on the door, a clown face in purple marker. You grimace at the artwork. You've never understood Gamzee fascination with the terrifying human entertainers.

Without pausing to think, you grab the handle and fling the door open to find…

That someone has already beaten you to the punch.

Gamzee's bed sheets are a twisted mass of dark purple, which is dripping steadily to the floor and creating dark puddles in the carpet. It doesn't take a genius to figure that Gamzee has been murdered in his sleep by someone with the same mindset as you.

You step backwards and quietly shut the door, as if you're afraid to risk waking the room's deceased inhabitant. You don't check to see if a kiss will revive him for a number of reasons:

1. You're glad he's dead.

2. You've never like him all the much anyways.

3. You wouldn't even kiss Gamzee to save your own life, let alone his.

Now that Gamzee is dead, you have another choice to make: Do you tell Karkat or do you let someone else be the bearer of bad news? Regardless of what choice you make, you should get away from the scene of the crime before someone spots you.

You understand how this would look, you outside a dead Gamzee's door, with malice in your heart and revenge on the brain. You're not about to be accused by a crime you didn't commit, no matter how much you wanted to commit said crime in the first place.

You turn around and nearly pee your skirt when you come face to face with Nepeta Leijon. Well, face to face is actually a misnomer, since Nepeta is about a foot shorter than you.

"What are you doing, Kanaya?" She asks, gazing up at you with her big almond eyes.

She looks pretty cute in her oversized green coat and blue kitty hat. If only you could get her to take off that silly fake tail…

"Hello, Nepeta. I was just coming to check on Gamzee." You reply coolly. "Apparently someone has taken it upon themselves to carry out their own form of justice."

You decide to tell her to truth. Now that you've been caught, honesty is the best policy.

"What do mew mean?" She tries to step around you, but you block her.

"Gamzee is dead, Nepeta. Someone killed him." You don't want her to see the bloodbath. You've always seen Nepeta as a little crazy, but she's really a child at heart.

"What!" She steps away from the door, eyeing it warily. "How is this pawsible?"

"I don't know, we'll figure that out later. Right now we need to tell Karkat."

"But then Karkitty will be sad!"

"Yes, he will be. However, he still deserves to know." You grab her arm and start steering her towards the computer room.

"Oh wait, Kanaya! In all of this excitement, I furgot to tell you that Equius is awake."

"Really? Well that's good news. Maybe he can shed some light on some recent events?"

"Maybe!" Nepeta sings and skips along next to you.

The pair of you head through the computer room and down the stairs, out of the base and into the LOWAS sun. Karkat and Terezi are just finishing burying your friends when you reach them. The four graves are evenly spaced apart in the shade of one of the many large, blue boulders. You hope that there's room for a fifth.

"Karkat." You stand at attention with your hands behind your back, perfectly poised to deliver a report to your leader.

Karkat leans against his shovel, breathing heavily and sweating profusely in his sweater. Terezi is sitting nearby, looking impassively towards the distance. You're worried about them both.

"What is it, Kanaya?" He sounds tired. He probably is.

"A couple of things," You take a deep breath. "Equius has woken up and Gamzee is dead."

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are now Karkat Vantas. Assembled before you are five trolls, four of them are your only friends left in the entire universe, and one is a murder.

"NOW WHERE DO I BEGIN!?" You're yelling again. That's a good sign, right? It means everything is back to normal. "OH! I know. Whoever killed Gamzee, please step forward…. NOW!"

No one moves.

You glare down at them from your position, standing atop your desk.

Five trolls. Five suspects.

There's Kanaya, your first mate and close friend. She was murdered by Gamzee, maybe she thought some old fashion revenge was in order? You told Kanaya not to kill Gamzee though, and she doesn't seem like the type of troll to go rouge.

There's Terezi, your former Matesprit and self-proclaimed enforcer of all things law. She may have thought that Gamzee deserved to die for his crimes. However, she was outside with you all day burying corpses. Is it possible that she could have slipped away when you weren't looking? It seems unlikely but you never know with that blind troll bitch.

It's the same case with Equius. Supposedly he's been unconscious for hours, meaning he couldn't have possibly killed Gamzee. Unless he had been faking his comatose state, waiting until no one was watching so he could sneak in a quick homicide. That seems pretty unlikely, though.

Nepeta is next. That crazy fucking cat girl is almost as unpredictable as Terezi. With those razor sharp claws it would have been easy for her to rip out Gamzee's throat while he slept. Her motivations seem hazy at best, though. Why would she want to kill Gamzee when it was Vriska that attacked her? Vriska already received her comeuppance anyways.

That leaves Aradia. She had seemed pretty upset to hear of Sollux's death at the hands of Gamzee. Did she care enough to kill someone out of revenge? Did she even care about anything at this point?

This is really the last thing you need right now. When Equius had woken up, he had confirmed everyone's suspicious that Eridan had drawn first blood with Feferi and then escaped via the hangar. In the span of a few hours there was betrayal, murder, resurrection, more murder, and finally some more betrayal.

You want to be done with everything, but it seems that you keep getting dragged back into the slime pile. You don't have time to head an investigation, you need time to mourn and make plans with the humans. You have to prepare for Dave and Jade's arrival and Rose's plan for her and John to destroy the green sun. You need your friends to be united right now.

The only problem is you're not sure who your friends are anymore. You're not really sure who you can trust.

"Look," You cross you arms and shoot more glares at the assembled crowd. "I'm not angry, alright? I just need to know who killed Gamzee so that we can put all of this to rest once and for all. So just fess up and face the music, whoever you are."

Terezi is leaning on her cane, looking up at you with only partial interest. Kanaya is politely listening to every word, sitting in a chair with her hands folded delicately in her lap. Nepeta is looking at you with those wide eyes. Equius is standing off to the side, holding an icepack against his head. And finally, Aradia is standing near the back, arms folded, head down, possibly asleep. You zero in on her.

"ARADIA!" You bark. "Where were you thirty minutes ago?"

She raises her head slowly to look at you. Her eyes are red and her lip is tugging up in a subtle snarl.

"I was in my room, _fearless leader,_ doing some light reading." She smirks at you and you feel your blood boil.

"Is that so? Do you have anyone that can verify your whereabouts?"

"No."

"Well then!" You jab a finger at her. "Until further notice you are now prime suspect number one, or something!"

"Whatever." She spits and turns to leave.

You leap from your desk, causing Nepeta to squeal in surprise, and grab Aradia by the shoulder. Instantly she whirls around and break's your grip with a swing of her hand. The next thing you know, you're on the ground and her boot is pressing down on your windpipe.

"Listen closely, asshole." She spits and out of the corner of your eye, you can see Terezi and the other trolls advancing on Aradia. "I didn't kill your fucking friend, no matter how much I wanted to. I'm as much of a murderer as much as you are a good leader. So from now on, just leave me the hell alone."

"Aradia," It's Equius's deep voice that you hear. "Just get off of Karkat, okay? We can work this out."

You struggle to twist your neck and see that all of your friends have weapons drawn and eyes fixed on Aradia. Nepeta in particular looks especially venomous.

Aradia steps off of you and you scramble to your feet, joining the rest of your friends. The five of you stand there, watching Aradia. She just stares back.

"Oh, I see." She clenches her fists at her side. "I see how it is. All of you are against me now, huh?"

"No one is against you." Kanaya placates, lowering her chainsaw. "You have been declared a suspect, nothing more. We are simply trying to figure things out."

"Really, Kanaya?" No one is advancing on her anymore, but Aradia still seems flustered. "Well what about you? Shouldn't you be a prime suspect as well, considering what Gamzee did to you? I bet you wanted revenge. I bet you crept into his room and hacked him to death with your fancy lipstick o' death."

Kanaya seems a little taken aback. You had already considered this scenario of course. You were planning on cornering Kanaya next.

"I deny such accusations." Kanaya holds her chin high. "Karkat orders were to not harm Gamzee and I respect my leader's commands."

"What about when he told you to watch over Rose?" Aradia snaps. "You sure did a good job of that, huh? That dumb human girl was snatched right out from under your nose!"

You watch Kanaya's hair bristle and her skin start to glow eerily. Uh oh. You need to put an end to this quickly.

"You have no room to speak of negligence." Kanaya retorts. "You were tending to Jade when she went missing as well."

"Oh forgive me for leaving one human in the presence of eleven trolls and expecting her to be incapable of waltzing out of here undetected!"

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" You speak when you see Kanaya take one step forward. "We're all a little hotheaded at the moment. Maybe I was a little too hasty to start throwing around accusations like that, but seriously no one is leaving this room until we figure out…"

You're interrupted as the ceiling above your head explodes with a shower of dust.

Equius's strong arms wrap around your middle and pull you backwards, just before a large rock creates a crater in the ground where you were just standing.

As the dust settles six pairs of eyes look up and watch as a man jumps though the hole in the roof and lands in a crouch on the floor. At first you think that it's Strider making a grand entrance, like a total douchebag, but then you notice that Jade is not with him. This man is also taller and older looking, with pointy shades and a black cap atop his head.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" You push away from Equius and start towards the mystery man.

Several things happen at once, the man lunges towards you, someone screams, there's a flash of silver, and then you're on the ground.

Something soft, warm, and familiar is pressing down on you and you realize after a second that it's Terezi. You can't see anything but the fabric of her shirt, but you can still hear a lot of things. Kanaya's chainsaw revving up, the crack of a whip, and an eerie whistling sound as a blade slices through the air.

Thin, but strong fingers wrap around your forearm and drag you to your feet.

"Move your ass, Karkles!" Terezi's dragging you towards the stairs and you stumble stupidly after her.

"Who is that guy?!" You gasp as the two of you quickly descend down the steps, heading towards the exit.

"Dave's brother." She answers simply and the two of you shove the boulder out of the way, exiting your not so secret base.

It's pouring down black oil rain and you can barely see Terezi through the down pour.

"Why is he here? Why is he attacking us? And what about the others, we need to go back for them!" You try to head back into the base, but Terezi grabs you by the collar and throws you back onto your ass.

"You're staying here." She draws her cane-sword. "I'm going back in."

"NO! Terezi, you can't go in alone." You pull out your scythes.

"I can't risk you getting…" She begins, but is interrupted just like you were when Nepeta, Kanaya, Aradia, and finally Equius come sprinting down the stairs.

"Run you fucking idiots!" Nepeta shrieks and darts away down the hill. Her cute, little, cat voice is gone, replaced with fear.

"What happed? How did you escape?!" You question Kanaya as Equius shoves the boulder back over the hole.

"Equius pinned him under a desk. It won't hold him for long though, we should abscond while we have the chance." Kanaya really doesn't need to tell you twice, but she grabs your arm anyways, dragging you forward.

You're really starting to get sick of being manhandled like this.

You follow Kanaya and the rest of your motley crew away from your home. You cast a look over your shoulder, towards the old base. You won't ever come back here again, you can already tell that much.

You see Dave's Brother shoving the boulder out of the way and staring after you. Even behind his dark shades, you can feel his gaze burning into you.

Will he give chase? Will he hunt all of you down and kill you? You don't know, but you face forward, dig in your heels, and race along with your friends.

You make a promise to never again wonder if things can get any worse, because the truth is, they always can.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you are currently standing outside of a salamander house in LOWAS, watching the black rain fall heavily around you.

This scene is very similar to an earlier one, where you stood outside of the very same house with a very different girl inside, albeit for different reasons.

"_Why did you walk out like that?"_ You wonder.

After all Rose was just being her usual self, asking simple questions about your relationships and opinions. Even after her terrifying experiences whilst being held prisoner, Rose is still the same old Rose.

You suppose what upsets you the most is that, in a way, Rose was always right about Vriska. The troll girl had manipulated you every step of the way, killed you, and seduced you.

But then again, it's not like you put up much of a fight in any of those aspects. Your whole life you've sort of taken the back seat on most things. Most of the time you're acting as more of a follower than a friendleader, which is sort of ironic, you guess.

Vriska was only ever trying to help you, anyways. By sleeping with you, Vriska gave you your first Matesprit or girlfriend or whatever, and by killing you, Vriska brought you up to god tier.

Maybe the thing that draws you to Vriska the most is the fact that she _does_ take the lead on most things? It's a whole lot easier that way, since you can't hurt her feelings if you're doing everything she wants to do. Save for that one time where you abandoned her to go save Rose.

"_It was for her own good though."_ You assure yourself. _"Even with her sweet robot arm, there was still a good chance that she could have gotten hurt."_

You're considering whether or not you should try calling her again, when you hear Rose shouting for you.

"John!" She's standing just outside the front door. "John, where are you?"

For a second, you consider not answering. It seems like for the longest time, what drove you the most on your mission was to find Rose. However, now that you have her, you feel this unexplainable need to be alone for at least a little while.

"Over here," You answer her, just like you always do. "I'm coming."

You shuffle around the corner of the house, sloshing through the black rain and coming into Rose's line of view. She's shivering quite a lot, wrapping her arms around her torso and squinting though the storm.

"Ah, I'm impressed, John. You've mastered your wind powers quickly."

You can't help but smile at her compliments. You've been using your powers to create a buffer between yourself and the oil ever since you stepped foot outside. You're pretty dry, except for your shoes. The black puddles on the ground appear to be beyond your control.

"Thanks. It's not all that hard really, come here." You hold your hand out and she takes it, stepping delicately out from under the porch.

You expand your little pocket of air to include her, insuring that she is also safe from the torrential downpour.

"Wow," She rubs her arms once more. "It's surprisingly warm."

"Hmmm." You hum absentmindedly and watch the gentle breeze pull at hem of her dress.

You can immediately tell that something is wrong with Rose. She's shuffling her feet nervously and you don't think you've ever heard her use an expletive such as '_wow'_. For a minute she doesn't say anything, which leads you to believe that she's most likely trying to get her thoughts in order.

You decide to take the first step in this conversational dance.

"Hey, I'm sorry for walking out or whatever." You shoot her a quick smile. "I just needed some air, you know?"

"No, John. It is I who should apologize. I fully recognize that you relationship with… Vriska is entirely your business."

"I know you're just trying to help, Rose."

"Yes, in my own backwards, convoluted way of reasoning."

"Yeah!" You pat her lightly on the shoulder. "So no harm done."

"Hmmm." She doesn't react much to your touch. She's still wrapped around herself.

"Fuh. What is it, Rose? You're acting more grim and morose than usual."

"There's just… I…" She moves her hand to cradle her forehead and she sighs loudly. "John… Have you ever wanted to say something, but you don't know how to go about saying it without sounding incredibly… I don't know, desensitized?"

"Desensitized?" You echo. Now you're starting to get worried that something might really be wrong. Since when has Rose worried about sounding anything except smart?

"Look," You begin. "You should know that you can tell me whatever's on your mind, Rose. No matter what it is, I promise that I won't judge how you sound or put a label on you or anything."

"Ugh, no. That isn't the problem, really. It's just…" She gestures towards herself. "This isn't supposed to be about _me._ Why do I always do that?"

"What?"

"Even now, this whole conversation has become about me and my own problems when really this concerns you, John."

"I don't understand."

"Well of course not!" She throws her hands in the air. "I don't expect you to, on account of me making absolutely no sense!"

Rose has never really been an expressive talker, at least in your opinion. Usually she delivers information with a calm expression and steady words. Right now though, she's neither calm nor steady. She isn't acting like the Rose you know at all and you guess that is what's disturbing you the most.

"Okay, alright. Just hold on a second." You grab her by the shoulders, holding her still and looking straight into her violet eyes. "Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."

"John, I…" Her face twists subtly and for a second, you think that she might cry. "I do not want to do this."

You wait for her to continue, but she doesn't.

"Uh…" You release her and rub the back of your neck idly. "Was that the first thing or…"

"Yes, that is indeed what I'm thinking at the moment." Rose takes a step closer to you. "You see, John. I came out here with something that I wanted to tell you, but now I realize that I do not want to tell you that thing at all. Instead I am going to follow the advice of another party and wait until an opportunity presents itself where the information that I want to share with you is actually _ready_ to be shared."

"So you're not going to tell me what you wanted to tell me?"

"Not until the time is right."

"Well how will you know when the time _is_ right?"

"That's a good question," She looks less tense, although more pensive. That's the Rose you remember. "I suppose that when the time comes where you're ready to receive my information, it will no longer matter whether I'm ready to deliver it or not. It will be all up to you to decide."

Honestly, you're a little confused by Rose's reasoning.

"Honestly, I'm a little confused by your reasoning." You say. "But what if I tell you that I'm ready to receive your information right now?"

"You're not." Rose replies simply with a shrug.

Something about the way she says '_you're not'_ with absolute certainty, tells you that you probably aren't. You don't know when you'll be ready to receive Rose's mysterious information, but you can guess it has nothing to do with being older or being smarter or something like that. It most likely has something to do with the way you just accept Rose's words as they come.

When you can look Rose in the eye and tell her without a shadow of a doubt that you are ready to hear what she has to say, then you probably are.

"Well then, I guess that's settled." You smile at her again and this time, she returns it.

"I suppose it is."

The rain is falling less harshly now, but the pair of you both decide to return to the shelter of the house. As you walk through the front door, you can't help but notice that Rose has not stopped smiling yet. This makes it hard for you to stop smiling as well.

As curious as you are to find out what Rose had to say, she's obviously happier having not said it. You can be content with that.

"Why don't you grab a chair and I'll see if any of these salamanders have coffee." You say. She nods and you disappear into the small kitchen.

Not all that surprisingly, the consorts of LOWAS do not have a can of Folgers in the pantry. Instead you find a couple of glasses and a jug of water tucked away in one of the cupboards. You suppose that the salamander's human-like attributes stop there, with water jugs and handmade cupboards.

Rose is sitting in her chair, tapping a slender finger against her headband and staring into the lens over her eye. She's probably looking up more information about the game. You plop down in the seat next to her and hand her a glass.

"No coffee, huh?" She says, looking away from her headset to smirk at you.

"If you knew there wouldn't be any you could have saved me the trouble." You sip your water. It's cool, but a little bitter. You really hope that it's water.

"Ah, but then you would not feel that swell of pride in your chest, knowing that you took it upon yourself to improvise a satisfactory beverage." Rose takes a little sip and gags loudly. "John, this is vodka."

"What?" You swirl the contents of your glass. "It doesn't taste like Vodka to me."

"Have you had Vodka before?" She takes another sip and although a grimace crosses her face, she does not gag.

"One time, a while ago at one of my friend's parties. Well he wasn't really my friend and it wasn't much of a party, I guess, but I still had a little bit." You don't remember what the Vodka you drank previously tasted like, but it must not have been that bad since it didn't leave all that much of an impression.

"I've never partaken myself," Rose is treating her cup like a new born child, cradling it on her knee. "I was never one to attend the customary, Friday night, post-adolescent ruckus known as the typical pastime for teenagers and my mother…"

She trails off and you immediately regret pouring her the glass.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." You reach for her drink but it's being pressed against her lips now.

"My mother was very efficient in dissuading any curiosity I had for the drink." She finishes strongly, although you notice that she's now holding the cup like it's about to attempt to wriggle free from her grasp.

You sit back in your chair and swiftly change the subject.

"You didn't go to any parties?"

"No, of course not. You know this, John." She's examining the picture on the far wall again (which to you looks like a monkey fucking a coconut). "Every time you logged onto pesterchum, you undoubtedly saw that I was online as well. I hardly left my room. In fact, I rarely left my house in all my years. School was a necessity for me, not a social gathering."

"You must have had friends though." You may be pressing too far, but you couldn't stop now even if you wanted to.

"Besides, you, Dave, and Jade, I rarely conversed with anyone my own age." Her gaze returns to her half empty glass. "I had no friends."

She takes another drink and you're certain that you're pressing too far. You're surprised at yourself. You've never barraged anyone with personal questions such as this. You're surprised at Rose too. You've never gotten a truly accurate depiction at her social life until now.

"No boyfriends?" You ask before you can stop yourself. You bury your face in your cup and become disappointed when you find your glass empty.

"No."

"Any… girlfriends?" You should stop talking now.

"No."

"Well, that's alright anyways. None of that matters now, since everyone but us is dead, right? HAHAHA!" You laugh so hard that your chest starts to hurt. "I mean, kids are stupid anyhow. You really don't need…"

"I've never even kissed anyone." She says plainly, cutting you off.

You look up at Rose and you see that she is staring back at you, almost sadly. You feel really bad now, not to mention really stupid. You're eyes fall from her big, violet irises, and land on her black painted lips. They look soft and a little moist, thanks to her drink.

You remember something.

"Well that's not entirely true." You laugh. "You've kissed me!"

Rose blinks at you for a second, her lips hanging slightly apart, obviously confused. Then she bursts out laughing as well. You both snicker like idiots until her drink is also gone and you're both sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"I don't know whether that counts or not, honestly." Rose giggles. Somehow the jug of Vodka has ended up in your lap. Didn't you leave that in the cupboard? "I mean, I was dead and it's not like you even wanted to kiss me."

"Well it's pretty plain that I wanted to, because I totally did." You slide the jug over to Rose and it bumps into her waiting hands. Some of the sour liquid sloshes into her lap, but she doesn't seem to notice. "It wasn't my worst kiss, by any means, although I guess I should apologize for taking away your smooching virginity."

"It's alright, I wasn't all that attatached to it anyways." Rose grins at you and then suddenly she's moving almost dreamily towards you across the floor.

Her knee hits the jug and it tumbles over, flooding the floor with the dangerous drink. Is she really that tipsy? You've only had like one, maybe two drinks, right?

"Ooops." You stare at the overturned jug. "I hope the salamanders have a mop, because…"

Rose is kissing you.

You're eyes are open, which you guess is not supposed to happen. You can see her closed eyelids and her mussed up hair, falling down the space between your faces. She tastes like Vodka, which you don't mind all the much considering what you've been drinking for the last…. How long has it been? It's no longer raining outside.

She pulls away from you and rests her forehead against yours.

"John… I think we should…."

Then she throws up on you.

* * *

**One of the trolls killed Gamzee, but who could it be? John's busy wasting time again, Bro is acting like the Tyrant from Resident Evil 2, and where are Dave and Jade? We'll probably catch up with them next chapter.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	12. ACT 2 - PART 3

**Chapter Twelve**

**Thanks to ObsessiveFanFictioner15 for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too. There's nothing like a little bit of badass, ninja awesomeness to wake you up in the morning.

You feel the hard edges of your shades digging into your face and you groan inwardly (not vocally, since that would just be completely uncool). Once again you've fallen asleep with your shades firmly fixated on the bridge of your nose. Your Bro always warned you against going to bed with your shades, but every once and a while you just forget that the world isn't normally supposed to be viewed through tinted glass.

A warm body is pressed up against yours and you fight the smirk that tugs at your lips when you remember who it is. This isn't really the time for comfortable, early morning lie-ins, but right now you're finding a hard reason to get up and start the day.

Jade's voice is weak in your ear.

"Dave?" She says. "Are you awake?"

"Yo, Harley." You feel her body squirm slightly and she turns so that you can see her face. Her green eyes shine brightly in the dim light. You swallow hard.

"I- I think I'm going to die…" She mumbles quietly.

Well that's one way to kill the mood. That's basically the equivalent of dropping a live grenade into a ball pit during your birthday party.

"That's a stupid thing to say." You press the back of your hand against her forehead, finding that the warm skin is slick with cold sweat. "You're gonna be just fine."

"But what if the bleeding doesn't stop? I don't want to bleed out, Dave."

"You won't, we're gonna meet up with those awesome, alien trolls and they'll fix you up. No worries and no more talking about death, alright?" You cast a glance over to her hand and see that despite your best efforts, blood is still seeping from her wound and soaking her wrappings.

Things are looking grim, but you still mean what you say. You're pretty confident that you can carry Jade the rest of the way to trolls base and once there it'll be like all of the problems that plagued your thoughts never existed. Sunshine, rainbows, and kitten tails will dance though the air, surrounding you with assurance and a powerful sense of security. If you can just get there, everything will fall into place.

"Okay," Jade gives you a weak smile that turns your heart into a dollop of fro-yo that has been thrown into a skillet. "I guess I'm just feeling a little scared, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. But guess what."

"What?"

"I'm Dave Fucking Strider." That earns you a giggle. You continue. "And do you know what that means?"

"You're cool as all fuck."

"Damn straight," You lightly _bop_ her on the forehead with the palm of your hand. "But it also means that I get shit done. So I don't want you to worry, Jade. I'm gonna take care of you."

"Alright."

And just like that, it's settled. Jade is going to be just fine and that's really all there is to say on the matter.

At least until you finally arrive outside the troll's base about an hour later.

You're glad that the rain had ceased sometime while you were asleep, since traveling through the oil storm was something that you desperately wanted to avoid. Now that the skies are a clear blue once more, you can clearly see that the large boulder covering the entrance has been carelessly moved away from its post.

"Shit." You mutter under your breath. Karkat may be the biggest fucking dickweed in the universe, but he wouldn't neglect to hide the entrance to his own secret base, would he?

You make your way over to the entrance and pause just outside. There are quite a few sets of footprints leading away from the base and down the hill, into the wilderness. It looks like everyone's jumped ship, but you don't know for sure how empty the base really is. One thing's for sure, you aren't taking Jade inside unless you're sure that it's safe.

"Alright Harley," You shuffle to the side and try to slide Jade off your back as gently as possible. "You got to rest here for a second. I'll be back before you even realize I'm gone."

You're probably right, as you lean Jade against the rocks, careful to keep her out of the sun, she doesn't respond to your voice or touch. You need to haul ass.

With your sword drawn and your eyes peeled, you make your way quickly up the stairs and into the base. You would never admit this aloud, but carrying Jade all the way here sapped some of your impressive stores of strength. You're tired and stressed. If you weren't such a badass, charging into an unsecured and potentially dangerous building would probably be a bad idea.

The door to the computer room is open and you hesitantly peek inside. All of the chairs and desks have been smashed, there's a massive hole in the roof, and heaps of rubble litter the floor. It's obvious that you've arrived fashionably late to some horribly out of control, brutal strife-filled party.

You pick your way across the wreckage, looking for clues. It isn't long until you notice that one of the overturned desks have been cleaved cleanly in two. The cut is so straight, so precise, and so awesome that there isn't a doubt in your mind for who is responsible for this mess.

"Oh, Bro." You take off your shades and message your tired eyes. "What's going on with you, man? Why is this happening?"

You replace your shades and tap them, bringing up Karkat's number and dialing it. You hear a ring echo from behind you and sure enough, when you move a broken chair, you see Karkat's headset abandoned on the ground.

"Fuck a wet Canadian Duck!" You pick up the headset and send it spinning across the room like a Frisbee.

You try Terezi next and become equally frustrated when you find her headset similarly forsaken. Are the trolls still alive? If so, where are they? It seems unlikely that you'll ever complete this game without their help.

What's worse is that without the trolls here, Jade is pretty much a goner.

"_Shut up you insufferable prick! You can't afford to have thoughts like that right now!"_

You agree with your inner voice which sometimes voices your insecurities. Right now, it's being pretty helpful and surprisingly motivating.

You make your way towards the exit to collect Jade, but you stop when you notice a dim light, shining from the corner. It's a computer monitor that has been left plugged in and open to a specific window. A quick investigation shows that a message reading '_play all audio logs'_ has been selected.

"Fuck a dry American Duck!"

Bro has listened to _all _your previous conversations. He knows all of your plans, all of your arguments with Karkles, even your shitty jokes to John. This is a real problem.

You race back down the steps and grab Jade, run back upstairs and deposit her in Karkat's old room, sprint to Aradia's room and grab the medicine kit you'd seen her use earlier on Jade, and then finally you reapply Jade's bandages.

It's sloppy, quick, and the bandages are already growing little spots of red, but what else do you expect? You aren't fucking Doogie Howser MD, master doctor and champion of all things mischievous. You're Dave Fucking Strider, master of bodacious beats and radical rhymes.

You need help, no matter how much you're reluctant to ask. You need someone smart, someone you can trust, someone who can tell you what to do without persecution.

You need John.

He picks up on the first ring.

"Hello?" He sounds a little frustrated.

"Hey, Egbert. Listen up, we some serious shit hitting some serious fans up in this house."

You proceed to tell John about Jade's progressively worsening injury, the mess at the troll's base, and the revelation of your plans thanks to your Bro. For a second, John is silent.

"Wow," He says. "And here I was thinking I was having a hard time. Haha."

"Yeah, well anyway. I need your help, John. What are you and Rose up to?"

"Uh… nothing much really." He pauses for a second. "Just some stuff right now, but we're probably heading out to destroy the green sun pretty soon. I think that you should stay there with Jade and we'll come get you guys after we're done."

"You want me to play nurse, while you and Rose blow up suns?" You rub at your forehead. Don't get yourself wrong, the prospect of staying with Jade sounds fun and all, but you were looking for a little bit more extensive advice.

"Well yeah, it's kind of important that we do it. Afterwards we'll come for you guys, I promise."

You look over to Jade, sleeping soundly in Karkat's bed. The room is small and decorated with movie posters, sporting films with ridiculously long titles. The whole place is alien and strange, but right now it's the only place that's even remotely safe, for Jade and for yourself.

"Alright, we'll stay here. Do you have any idea for what I should do for Jade's hand, though?"

"Umm, keep pressure on the wound?"

"I already know that, Egbert." You make sure that Jade's bandages are good and tight. "Anything else? What about Rose? She's smart, right?"

"Rose isn't feeling too well at the moment, but I don't think she knows that much about medical stuff anyways."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's just feeling a little under the weather." You hear a muffled, garbled sound that is reminiscent of someone vomiting.

"Is Rose… puking?"

"I'm handling it!" John says defensively. "Don't worry, everything's fine."

"Well, alright then…" You can't help but smirk at the image of prim, little Rose spewing her guts all over the place. You decide to store away that thought for teasing privileges at a later date. "I guess I'll look around her for some more meds in the meantime."

"That sounds good to me. Stay safe, Dave."

"Yeah… you too, John."

You both hang up at the same time and for a second you just watch Jade as she rests. Talking to John has certainly boosted your moral more than you had expected, which means that things have gone from completely, depressingly pointless to mildly, sadly prudent.

With a sigh, you grab the first aid kit that you took from Aradia's room and flip it open. There are several rolls of bandages, which you've already broken in, a few packs of some gel-like substance, and a bunch of dumb looking roots, leaves, and mushrooms.

You imagine that in the hands of an accomplished potion's master, such as Severus Snape, these assorted plant parts could come together to make a really effective medicine. Maybe Rose could've thrown something together as well? She's into all of that dumb wizard shit, right? With you, however, these pieces of vegetation are nothing but a potentially bad tasting salad.

Do you risk mixing them together? What if you make her sicker by feeding her some type of anti-healing draft or something? You decide that whatever is in the gel packets are probably safe to use though, since they are the closest thing to actual medicine that you can see.

"Hey, Harley." You sit on the side of the bed and pull her hand into your lap. "How are you feeling?"

She doesn't answer, but it's alright. You can see the steady rise and fall of her chest and the warmth of her fingers in yours reassure you that she is alive. You apply the gel and re-wrap her hand tightly. Having done all you can do for the moment, you grab your sword, pull up a chair, and sit facing the door.

This base might be vacant for the time being, but who knows how long you'll be given the privilege of solitude. If anyone or anything comes snooping around, you're not going to let it get anywhere near the girl sleeping soundly a yard away from you.

And that's really all there is to say on the matter.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently kneeling in the front lawn of a salamander's house and vomiting violently. This is a scenario you never imagined yourself a part of. You've never had alcohol before; therefore you've never experienced the ritual known as wonderful post-inebriation expulsion of your stomach's contents. Needless to say you do not plan to rate this experience as a _'ten out of ten, would do again'_.

John is standing awkwardly behind you, covered in your sick and holding back the hair that has slipped from your headband. You appreciate his help, since washing your hair seems like an unlikely thing to happen any time soon.

"It's okay, Rose." He lightly pats your shoulder blades. "Just uh… let it all out?"

"Fuhhh." You respond and wretch some more.

You've seen your mother down countless martinis and glasses of wine without so much as a hiccup. Why are you, only after like two cups (maybe three), suddenly turned into a disgusting fountain of mess? It's as if your mother's tolerance for booze skipped a generation, leaving you with the same capacity for alcohol as a baby teaspoon.

Over your shoulder you hear a faint _beep_ and John's grip on your hair loosens.

"Oh, I'm getting a call from Dave. Do you mind if I take this, Rose?" He says.

"Fugahh." You respond and then suddenly you are alone.

You've never felt so awful in your life. The past hour or so is blurry, like you're trying to see it through a puddle of muddy water. The only indication for you that time has passed at all is the distinct lack of oily rain falling from the heavens.

You vaguely remember talking with John about… something. You really hope you didn't tell him about Vriska's death during your drunken stupor. That would have made you look doubly desensitized. It doesn't seem like you spilled the beans though, since you doubt John would still regard you as a friend if he knew you'd willingly withheld that information from him, no matter how good your intentions were.

You do remember sitting on the floor and John slowly moving closer and closer and…

Did he kiss you?

"_Of course not, Rose. No one would kiss you if they could avoid it."_

You wish John hadn't left you alone. The voices always come when you are alone.

The ground is hard under your fingers, but you grip it anyways and tug and pull yourself back towards the house. Climbing up onto the porch doesn't seem like something you're capable of at the moment, so instead you settle for flopping against the wall and closing your eyes.

"_You're planning to blow up the Green Sun, right? You know what that means. You know what you'll have to do."_

What is taking John so long? Does your ecto-brother really have something _that_ interesting to say?

"_Will you make John do it? Or will you want the glory for yourself?"_

"John." You're voice sounds really weak, really far away.

You are never drinking again.

"John, where are you?"

It's pathetic really, you lying here on the ground and calling for your friend. You wish that you were dead.

You hear quick footsteps, a rush of wind, and then he's back again. His eyes are wide and his hair looks a little messier than usual, as if he ran back to your side. For some reason that thought makes you really happy.

"What is it, Rose? Are you okay?" He sounds concerned, so you smile at him to show that you're okay. Instead of understanding your message though, John looks more concerned than ever. A frown twists his mouth funnily. "Did you get drunk again while I was gone?"

"Of course not. I'm just really happy right now." You smile at him again to show how happy you are and this time, John tentatively returns your grin.

"Well I hate to kill your mood then, but Dave's just given us some bad news."

John proceeds to talk for a really long time. His face fades in and out of focus quite a bit, but you catch the important bits.

"Trolls gone… Dave's Bro… Jade's hand… Plans foiled…"

"NO!" You slap your hand against John's chest a little harder than you planned.

"No?" He repeats. "What do you mean '_no_'?"

"Our plans aren't foiled," You hit his chest again. It feels hollow under your palm, like a drum. "Just because Bec Noir knows what we plan to do, doesn't mean that he can stop us. If we're fast, John, we can still do this."

"Not when I've gotten you drunk!" John grabs your hand and you just realize that you've been pounding his chest for the past thirty seconds. "Once again I've managed to fuck everything up."

"John, no…"

"Yes, but it doesn't matter." He cuts you off. "Listen, you need to tell me how to destroy the Green Sun so I can go do it. You said we need to be fast, right?"

"Speed is important, yes, but you have not incapacitated me to such an extent where I am useless." You can feel the fog in your head starting to clear, slowly being replaced with a splitting headache. "The plan is for the both of us to destroy the Green Sun together and that's what we're going to do."

"Are you sure that you're feeling alright?" John presses his hands into your cheeks, holding your head steady so that he can look into your pupils.

"I'm fine, although I'm curious as to why you aren't being nearly as affected as by the Vodka as I am."

"I don't know, maybe I'm just a natural born wino."

You snicker at the thought of your John resembling anything close to a homeless alcoholic. He's much too strong, tolerant, smart, clever to end up trapped in that sort of lifestyle. If anyone was to be the rubber equivalent to alcohol's electricity, you would have thought it would be you.

"Maybe you wind powers have some added affect on your blood stream, preventing the liquor from tainting your oxidized blood."

"It's possible, I don't know. I really didn't pay that much attention in Biology."

"Anatomy most likely and maybe Chemistry. Regardless," You hold up your hand and John takes it, pulling you to your feet. You're a little unsteady, but a strong arm around your waist keeps you upright. "We should get to setting our plans in…" You've just noticed John's god tier outfit.

Well, you've seen it before of course. But you've only just noticed it again.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry, John." You nod at his shirt which is a horrible mosaic of blood, sweat, vomit, and blue. "What you must think of me, acting like some poisoned adolescent."

"You sort of are a poisoned adolescent, when you think about it." He smiles warmly at you. "And don't worry about my windy pajamas. They were cool and all, but it's really nothing to cry over."

Once again John has managed to surprise you. He's accepting and forgiving almost to a fault. You doubt you know anyone else who would so readily forgive you for soiling their outfit.

"So…" John speaks and you realize that you've been staring for a while. You need to fight off the lingering effects of the Vodka fast, before you do something _really_ stupid. "You were saying something about plans?"

"Oh, yes. Of course." You reach up and brush your hair, adjusting your headband back into place. "According to my research prior to my imprisonment, the only way the Green Sun can be destroyed, or at least the easiest way, is to use something called The Tumor."

"That sounds really unpleasant."

"I agree, although you shouldn't worry. It's not like cancer or anything. We aren't infecting the sun, we're blowing it up. The Tumor is a bomb."

"Oh well that's not unpleasant at all!"

"Stop with the sarcasm, John. It doesn't suit you." You counter his smile with a smirk of your own. You're mouth feels like it's dirty and your tongue feels like it's covered in a sock. "I'm sorry to trouble you John, but did you happen to find any _real_ water whilst you were in the house?"

"Nope, apparently the only liquids in LOWAS are flammable and completely unnecessary for human life."

That's really troubling. How could anyone be expected to survive on this planet without water? It's almost as bad as LOHAC in terms of inhabitability. At least LOLAR and LOFAF have water.

You swallow dryly and decide that trivial things such as food and water can wait for a later date. In the present, it's prudent that you and John get to work.

"Alright, well then. I believe it's time that you and I got to work." You make sure that your legs aren't wobbling like a tower of bubbles and take John's arm, leading him away from the salamander's house and down a rough path. "The Tumor, as far as I know, is buried in the center of LOWAS. Don't ask me how it got there, because I don't know. Apparently it's rare for a session to have a black king as powerful as ours and even rarer is a black king who depends on the Green Sun for power, making it a rather pleasant coincidence that The Tumor even exists at all."

"Okay, I see." John speaks in a way that causes you to assume that he really doesn't _see_ at all, and yet he follows you away, from the village and towards the edge of an oil lake. "How do we get The Tumor out of the ground?"

"That's where you come in, John. You're the only one who can retrieve The Tumor, thanks to your powers as the Heir of Breath."

"Nice," He claps his hands once, looking out over the lake. "What do you want me to do?"

"You will have to drill down and grab it."

He looks surprised.

"Is that it?"

"Well," Now you're a little surprised. John looks as if he was expecting you to spout off some long, complicated sequence of events that would lead to his capture of The Tumor. "Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Piece of cake then." John grins widely and then grabs you're arm tightly, pulling you onto his back.

"Uh, John?" You ask. "What are you doing?"

"You want to come too, right?" He looks over his shoulder at you. "I mean, it'll be quicker if I just fly by and _you_ grab it, don't you think?"

"I… suppose?"

"Are you okay with this?"

"Yes." You say and then louder. "Yes! Let us go, John."

He laughs and then suddenly you are airborne. Your heart leaps up into your throat, your eyes squeeze shut like a pair of vices, and you wrap your arms around John's neck as if to strangle him. The ground has fallen out from under you and it feels as if you're back in the pit of Horrorterrors. Nothing is tangible, everything is black, and you are floating in an endless abyss of darkness.

The only thing you can feel is the wind whipping at your clothes and a warm… something, pressed flushed against your chest.

"Augh?" John coughs and reaches back to pat you on the shoulder. It turns out that you aren't alone in the abyss.

You loosen your grip slightly, very slightly.

"Rose…" He begins. "Are you afraid of flying?"

He asks tentatively, as if he's afraid to insult you. You should probably be honest with John and fess up, telling him that nothing would satisfy you more than to be put back on solid ground. However, you would be mortified to admit any sort of weakness to him, or any other of your friends for that matter.

You try to lie. You shake your head to say no, but your mouth opens and…

"John, I am _terrified _of flying."

Immediately you start to descend and the ground begins to rise. You feel your heart rate start to slow down and your chest begin to loosen. A few more feet and you will be reconnected with the holy earth. John isn't laughing at you or making some snarky comment about facing your fears, he's doing what he thinks will make you happy.

"Wait, stop." You blurt and John does as he's told.

"I'm just gonna put you down, Rose. It's no big deal. I'll get The Tumor myself…" He begins.

"No, I… just- give me a second, okay?" You're both floating about three feet off the ground. "This is what Bec Noir wants."

"What?"

"He wants me to be afraid." You explain. "He wants to have left an impact on me, but he hasn't. I _know _he hasn't."

You can't see John's face from your position, clinging to his back like a Koala on a piece of bamboo, but you can guess from his silence that he's mulling over what you've just said.

"So you want to keep going?" He asks.

"Yes, but a little slower. If you don't mind."

"Of course not." He reaches back and grabs you under the legs, in a mock piggy-back. You're glad he did, you feel a little more secure this way. "Just tell me if you want to stop, okay?"

"Yes."

You force your eyes to stay open as you ascend once more. True to his word, John takes to the skies gradually, pausing every so often to wait for you to voice some displeasure. You don't, not just because you're teeth are grinding together, but because you _know_ you can do this.

The cool wind sharpens your alcohol-dulled senses and when you look out over the carpet of LOWAS clouds, it actually seems kind of pretty.

"Alright, hang on tight, Rose. Here comes the tricky part." John has to raise his voice over the wind and you give him a quick thumbs up to show that you understand.

You guess John's just going to '_wing it'_ when it comes to making a giant wind drill and plowing though the ground, since you can't really give him any actual instruction on the task. He'll probably figure it out quickly though. John's always been the most creative OH MY GOD HE'S DOING IT RIGHT NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES IDIOT!

You couldn't keep your eyes open even if you wanted to. The air swirls around you so quickly that for a second you're afraid your clothes are going to fly right off of your body. Then you realize that's sort of a silly thing to be worrying about at the moment and instead worry about being peeled away from John, like a wet band-aid and then thrown out into open space.

He's still holding onto you tightly though, which is nice, although you're sure that your legs are starting to fall asleep.

With an enormous amount of effort, you force your eyes to open a fraction, of a fraction, of an inch, and see that everything is black. You cast a glance over your shoulder and you see a small circle of light above you, or is it behind you? You don't know, you're sense of direction has been completely thrown off by this sadistic roller coaster ride. However, you can easily guess that you're now underground.

Flecks of blue rocks and grey clay flick past you in a blur, until with a loud _pschoo_ rings through your ears and light filters into your eyes. You've entered a large cavern in the center of LOWAS and suspended in the very center is an orb about the size of a basketball, giving off a blue glow somewhat ominously.

"So…" John slows to a stop and the two of you hang suspended once more, deep below ground. "I guess that's it?"

"You would guess correctly."

John draws close to The Tumor and you carefully extend one arm out to grab it. It must be a little bit smaller than your average basketball, since you can palm it with little difficulty. It's cool to the touch and a lot heavier than one might expect. You tuck it into the crook of your arm.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" John asks, as he turns around and propels you both towards the surface.

"No," You admit, feeling John's warmth pressed against yours. "It wasn't."

* * *

**Both of our boys are taking care of our girls, that won't be the case forever though. John and Rose's story will continue through the next chapter and we'll catch up with Dave, Jade, and the troll's later on. I have a plan for where things are going.**

**For those who review: What are some of your favorite Homestuck fanfics? I'm looking for some good recommendations.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	13. ACT 2 - PART 4

**Chapter Thirteen.**

**Thanks to ObsessiveFanFictioner15, cheezebuns, and a random Guest for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are John Egbert. Which means you're currently flying, carrying a girl, who's carrying a bomb, towards a sun that you want to blow up.

That's not too weird, is it? Considering some of the other things you've had to put up with in the game so far, this is actually pretty tame. You've been killed three times, resurrected twice, had actual sex with an actual alien girl, and some other stuff that seems a little less radical compared to events previously mentioned.

"So this Green Sun," You say over your shoulder to your travel companion. "Where is it? How do we get to it?"

You feel Rose shift against you. She's been hanging from your shoulders for the last thirty minutes or so, and you're pretty sure that it's not very comfortable.

"The Green Sun is in the farthest of the seven rings." She explains.

"The seven rings that make up the medium?" You've learned some of the game's mechanics by just being close to Rose, by like osmosis or something. Just like Dave drops ill beats, Rose usually drops useful knowledge all the time without meaning to.

You wonder if you have any habits that function below the conscious level. You doubt it though, out of all of your friends, you consider yourself to be the least interesting. You didn't grow up on an exotic island. You won't ever be able to drop savage raps and calm the beasts of the musician's soul with sickening beats. And you don't have an interest in the Zoologically Dubious. You're just you, John Egbert.

You realize that Rose is talking.

"You are correct. Now, there are two ways we can reach the furthest ring. We can either fly there directly, which will take an egregious amount of time or we can travel through a portal that leads from our ring, to the seventh."

"Alright, well I can tell that flying is out of the option, no matter how fun it might be," Rose scoffs at how you can possibly consider '_flying'_ fun. You continue. "So I guess we'll be taking the portal. Now where is that?"

"Well," She shifts again, pulling a little bit closer to you. You can tell that she's uncomfortable for an entirely different reason now, a much worse reason. "It's less of a portal and more of a pit, and it's underneath Jack Noir's castle."

Welp, there it is. That's the kicker.

That's some precious information you would have liked to been told earlier. Jack Noir's castle, with it's imp armies, confusing corridors, and bad memories, is probably the last place you would ever want to go. You'd rather take the _'egregious amount of time wasting'_ route.

"I think I'd rather take the '_egregious amount of time wasting' _route." You say.

"Fighting our way inside a heavily fortified castle may be less than ideal, but it's the quickest way to get things done," She responds. "Trust me, John, if there was any other reasonable way, this wouldn't even be an option."

"Yeah, alright." You concede defeat, trusting Rose to know what she is talking about. You feel that your trust is well placed, Rose typically knows everything. "This pit, though, it wouldn't happen to be the same pit of Horrorterrors that you were tossed in to, would it? I mean, how many inter-dimensional portals can one guy have in his basement?"

Her slow intake of breath and a subtle tightening of her grip is all the answer you need, but she speaks anyways.

"I'm afraid these pits are one in the same. The Horrorterrors also reside in the furthest ring. We must travel though their realm to reach the sun."

"Oh." You say.

"Yes. Oh, indeed." She responds quietly.

A sense of guilt washes over you. Here you are, feeling cheated, when Rose is the one who is actually holding the shortest straw. You can't imagine the feeling of knowing that you aren't just visiting your former prison, but you're about to dive right back in head first. Not for the first time, you admire your friend's fortitude and general badassery.

You decide to fly in silence then, both of you mulling over your respective thoughts. You adjust your course accordingly so that you're now heading straight back towards Jack Noirs castle. The black clouds are no longer looming in the air to guide you, so you hope that you're heading in the right direction.

Once you get there, Rose will probably know exactly where to go and lead you straight to your destination. Regardless, you still make a mental note to avoid the tallest spire if you can. There's nothing up there worth seeing.

"Hey, I just thought of something." You steer around a flock of birds. That's weird; you've never seen birds on LOWAS before. You decide to ask someone smarter about it later.

"What if everyone is gone when we get there?" You ask. "When I woke up after being skewed, the castle was empty and you and I flew out of there with no questions asked."

Rose seems to think for a moment.

"Hmmm, maybe. Although I don't see why Jack Noir would abandon his fortress like that, after only one sloppy strife."

"Yeah, well Dave and I talked about this earlier: Maybe Jack Noir has castles in every land and he just went to the next one after we fought him here."

"You mean like Bowser in Super Mario?"

"Exactly!"

You do a loop de loop to emphasize your point and you hear Rose groan audibly.

"Please refrain from performing complex aerial maneuvers, no matter how impressive." She says. "I can still feel whatever's left in my stomach trying to escape.

"Thanks, I guess. And ew."

"You're welcome. And yes, ew. Very ew." She chuckles softly as you laugh. "Pertinent video game references aside, I still find it unlikely that Jack Noir packed up and shipped out after murdering both of us."

"I guess we'll just have to see."

You slow down and gradually descend to the ground atop a clump of rocks. Rose quickly descends from your back, once again happy to be on solid ground. She probably isn't used to touching anyone for that long of a time either. From what you know about her home life, physical intimacy has always been kind of scarce.

The castle is about a hundred yards away, looking… pretty deserted actually. The pile of dead imps that you and Dave killed earlier is still there and it makes you kind of upset to realize that no one had come to bury them. You wonder what it must be like to be disposable like the imps, to be completely worthless, but still determined to fight for your cause, even to the death.

Maybe you're thinking about these little guys too much. You mean, they're NPC's, right? They tried to kidnap you, kill you, and stop you from saving Rose. They're mean and feisty and just so… pointless.

You decide to think about something else.

You cast a glance over the rocks, down into the ravine where the golden ship had crashed during your sloppy rescue mission.

"Hey, the ship is gone!" You point and Rose follows your line of view.

"What do you mean?"

"When Dave, Jade, and I came to save you, we flew this really awesome airship. It crashed though and I thought it was left behind."

"Dave and Jade couldn't have taken it?"

"I think I remember Dave saying that it was pretty fucked up." You shrug. "Jade might have been able to fix it, but I think she was pretty fucked up too."

"What happened to Jade?" Rose starts picking her way down the rocks and you follow.

"Well…" You think of a proper way to phrase this, but nothing really sounds right. You decide to give it to her straight. "Dave's Bro has been popping up all over the place stirring up trouble. He attacked me and Vriska, and then Dave and Jade. He's like gone crazy or something."

Rose comes to a stop and you send several loose rocks bouncing down the hill in your haste to halt as well. She's thinking pretty hard, with her brow furrowed slightly and her hand messaging her chin. You let her muse for a while, knowing that she likes absolute silence whilst brain storming.

You try not to stare at her, but it's hard. You're both such a hot mess at the moment, and it's just surprising to see Rose so haggard. Her dress is covered in dried blood, her _own _dried blood. Her hair is still pretty frizzy, the paint on her nails is chipped, and dark circles hang like heavy drapes under her eyes.

Everyone just needs a good nap, a fresh change of clothes, and maybe a hotdog or something. Yeah, that sounds good.

"I think it's safe to assume that Dave's brother did not partake in murderous exploits before the game began." Rose eventually speaks, drawing your thoughts away from delicious snacks. "Jack Noir has many powers at his disposal, granted to him by a combination of dark magic, the Green Sun, and his newly acquired wolf powers. It's possible that Dave's brother has been corrupted by Jack Noir."

"What? You mean like mind control or something like that?" It's an interesting proposition. You're surprised that you didn't think of that sooner.

"Yes. It's not outside the realm of possibility." Rose continues to lead the way towards the castle.

"Well do you think there is a way we could reverse it?"

"It's impossible to tell without knowing for sure whether or not he's actually under Jack Noir's control. I'll have to do some research on the subject."

"Alright, Dave will be happy to know his Bro isn't a psycho. In the meantime, let's just keep our eyes peeled for any trouble. Bro is a hell of a fighter."

"So I've heard." Rose nods along with your instructions. "I assume by your ease of speaking that no true misfortune has fallen upon Jade? In other words, she is okay?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine." You wave your hand nonchalantly. There's no point in worrying Rose with Dave's struggles to keep Jade alive. "Dave's handling it."

"Oh, well that's reassuring." She smirks. "I've always known Dave was the tender, loving, care type."

There's that Rose snark, sopping wet with sarcasm and double entendre.

"I'm sure he's doing his best." You chuckle. "I trust Dave."

"I know and that's what makes you such a good Friendleader."

You roll your eyes, although you detect no sarcasm this time.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Of course. You're welcome, John."

She's carrying The Tumor carefully now, using both hands to hold it steady. You wonder if she's just being cautious with it or whether or not there's actually a chance it might blow up on accident. You regret all those fancy acrobatic maneuvers now, thinking that you could have possibly blown both you and Rose to kingdom come by unintentionally jostling your precious cargo too much.

The pair of you tread carefully around the piles of imp corpses and up towards the front castle doors. They've been left ajar and the main entryway beyond is completely deserted.

"Well so far so good," You draw your Hammer of Zillyhoo. Man, this thing is so sweet. "Just stay behind me for now though, okay?"

"You're going to protect me?" Rose shoots you another smirk, but gets behind you anyways.

"The Tumor mostly. It's sort of irreplaceable, right?" You grin at her over your shoulder and wink. "But then again, so are _you_."

"Swoon!"

You laugh and Rose lets loose a very un-Rose-like giggle. Both of your voices echo off the high ceiling and remind you about what you're currently doing.

"So uh… this pit." You say.

"Through those doors and down." Rose points and now it's your turn to lead the way.

The door opens up into a dark stairwell, spiraling down into black nothingness.

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" You turn and ask before you descend any further.

In the dim light, Rose's violet eyes appear to be almost luminescent. She stares at you for a second and you think that she might admit for once that she isn't completely composed or prepared for what you're planning to do. Then the moment passes and her black-painted lips are drawn into a thin line.

"Yes, there's no other way." She says.

"Alright." You shrug and face forward again. "Watch your step on the stairs."

"Consider me warned."

The trek down the stairs is a long one. It's eerily quiet and your footsteps sound like claps of thunder. You wish that someone had thought to put lights on the stairs or at least some medieval torches if they wanted to keep up the castle theme. More than once you feel Rose accidentally trod on your long hood, yanking at your neck and muttering a quick_ 'sorry'_ every time. About the fifth time this happens, she finally asks.

"Do you like this hood? It seems awfully impractical."

"I usually don't think about it." You chuckle. "I guess it's kind of cool though, don't you think?"

"I suppose one might consider it _cool_, although I wouldn't like to have one myself."

"You never know. Maybe when you reach god tier yourself, you're get your own sweet, super long hood."

"Unlikely. I would hazard a guess that only the Hero of Breath is empowered with such lovely headwear."

"That's a shame." You float down a few steps, thinking for a moment. "So what do you suppose your god tier will be?"

"You mean, which role do I think I will have?" She responds.

"Sure."

"I don't know for sure, something powerful I hope. Hero of Mind would be good, or possibly Hero of Void.

"What do those do?" You're interested to hear more about these impressive sounding roles.

"Heroes of Mind," Rose explains. "Have many abilities, such as the power to tell possible outcomes from different scenarios. The Hero of Void can appearify objects from '_the void_', among other things."

"Hmmm, I see." You really don't, though. Rose is speaking a bunch of sillyspeak and gobbledygook again. "Kind of makes Hero of Breath sound lame, right?"

"Not really, each hero has their own strengths, John. You have already proven invaluable as the Heir of Breath."

"Yeah, I guess." You float down the next few steps and stop for Rose to catch up. "Did you know that Dave is the Knight of Time?"

"Really now?" Rose does sound surprised and actually rather excited. "That's interesting, I wonder if he's exploited any time loops yet."

"Time loops?"

"Nothing for you to worry about, John. I'm just thinking aloud." She steps on your hood again and you gag quietly. "Sorry about that."

"No problem." You respond with watering eyes.

After what seems like an eternity, you reach the foot of the stairs and what do you know, more dark, dank, dumb passageways leading off to Gog knows where. Rose seems to know where to go though, and directs you down a passage to your right.

You pass by several caged rooms, which remind you of prison cells. There are skeletons and wall carvings, all reminiscent of your typical medieval dungeon. You peer into one cell and spot an odd sight: dozens of cans of Tab soda stacked on top of one another in some weird construct. You don't pause to investigate though, there's shit to be done.

You walk through a stone archway, decorated with hundreds of odd, scrawling symbols, and finally you're face to face with the portal/pit.

Well, maybe _face to face_ isn't an accurate term, since the pit doesn't really have a face. You're glad that it doesn't. You would be freaked the fuck out if it did.

You kneel down at the lip of the portal and gaze into the black abyss. It's a swirling mass of black and dark purple, undulating and rising like the waves of an ocean tide.

"So what's the next…" You look over your shoulder for Rose and find her cemented against the nearby wall, staring at the pit with a mixture of horror and disgust.

This is the final straw for you. There's no way in LOHAC that you're letting Rose anywhere near her former prison.

"Alright, Rose." You stand up and move to her side, grabbing her arm gently and pulling her towards the door. You take The Tumor from her stiff fingers. "Why don't you tell me what to do and I'll go blow up the sun. You wait here and keep watch, okay?"

Rose shakes her head furiously, her lips pressed together tightly.

"Rose?" You tuck The Tumor under your arm and put your other hand on her shoulder, holding her steady. "Look at me, Lalonde."

She's shaking like a leaf, staring at you with wide eyes and shaking her head over and over again.

"Okay, fuck this." You pull her out into the hallway and stand her against one of the walls, facing away from the pit of Horrorterrors. "You stay here." You point to the ground between her sneakers. "I'll be right back."

You take one step towards the door and back towards the pit, when her hand latches onto your forearm in a vice-like grip.

"John, no!" She shouts.

"I have to, Rose." You try to pry her fingers off of you. "There's no way you're going in there. I'll figure out how to use the bomb and I'll come back. I promise."

"No, John. You don't understand." She's finding her voice again, now that the pit is out of her sight. "There's something I didn't tell you. This is a one-way trip, there is no coming back!"

Well, that sure gives you pause.

"Rose…" You squeeze your eyes shut. "When were you going to tell me this?"

"I… I don't know. I was just going to…" Her voice breaks. "I'm sorry, John. I guess there's no other way of doing this."

"Doing what?" You watch her release your arm and reach for her waist.

Her wand is in her hand and you react far too late to avoid the blast of magical energy that hits you in the chest. You fly backwards and crash into the metal bars of one of the prison cells. As you flop to the ground like a sack of useless flour, your vision starts to fade. The last thing you see before everything goes black are the tears running down Rose's face.

**YOU ARE DEAD.**

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently standing above your best friend, watching him look up at you with his big blue eyes, a mixture of betrayal and utter sadness contorting his features. You watch John slump into a heap and go still.

"Please don't be dead." You drop next to him, tears and snot flowing from your face as if a valve has been sprung. "Come on, please don't be…"

He's dead.

You may have put too much force behind that spell than you had originally intended. What was meant to render him unconscious has hence cut his life short for the… third time? You watch the blood gush from a wound in the back of his head, hot and sticky, pooling around his crumpled form.

An angry swipe across your face with your sleeve only manages to cover your already ruined dress with disgusting body fluids. You feel so weak right now. Walking down the stairs, following John, you had psyched yourself up for your reunion with your Horrorterror companions. Yet, when faced with the eldritch beasts, you had failed to maintain your composure.

In your panic, you had lashed out at a friend and ended his life.

You had always known that the trip to blow up the Green Sun would result in either one or both of your deaths. You had made a vow to keep John alive.

"_Well done, Rose. We are sooo proud of you."_

You are alone again, therefore the voices are back.

"_You're not alone, Rose. Never alone."_

You stand up, stow away your wands, and retrieve The Tumor. John won't stay dead forever. However bad you might feel for committing murder, it was a cheap shot. John didn't die a hero and he didn't die a villain.

He will come back, but by then you will be long gone.

"I'm sorry, John." You don't look at his corpse. You don't even grant him that common courtesy. You are so weak. "Goodbye."

Your footsteps sound much louder here than they did in the stairwell. Something about it being just one set of feet just makes it that much deafening. You pause just outside of the stone archway, with its beautiful engravings depicting The Last Great War of Time between the Horrorterrors and the inhabitants of the other six rings. It's quite a beautiful story actually, consisting of unrequited love, horrendous treachery, and the odd raunchy encounter.

You probably would have had a good laugh with John over the story, if he wasn't dead and you weren't about to commit suicide of course.

A deep breath surges up your nostrils and slowly billows from between your lips. You can do this. You _have_ to do this. There is no one else. You have already made sure of that.

You take one step, then the clapping starts.

One, two, three, four, five. They are slow claps, each one ringing with mirth and condescension.

"Well done Human, bravo indeed." Comments a nasally voice that you already hate. "It seems that you have just made my job fifty percent easier."

You turn around. It's a troll, with a streak of purple in his black hair and a billowing cape adorning his shoulders. He glares at you behind thick-rimmed glasses and holds a silver wand between his many-ringed fingers.

"Do I know you?" You ask clutching The Tumor closer to your chest and trying to imagine how long it would take for you to grab one of your wands from your waist.

"No, you don't." The troll examines his fingernails with mild interest. "I'm not known to associate with _Humans_. They're much too uncouth for my company."

"Well then, perhaps you should turn around and leave before my _uncouth_-ness taints your pretentious aura." You figure that you can drop The Tumor and blast away this ridiculous looking troll with a well-placed spell before he can even raise is wand. But then again, your hand is slick with sweat and your face is sticky with salty tears and mucus. You are not prepared for a full out strife, not when ten yards behind you lies the source of your undoing.

You need to rely on the element of surprise if you are going to win. Eridan seems like the dramatic type, maybe if you get him trapped in the stubborn throes of a monologue…

"I don't think I'll be going anywhere." Continues to troll. "Fore my master has instructed me to guard this portal and the Green Sun with my life and I intend to do so."

"You're master?" You repeat. "I thought Jack Noir wanted to kill the trolls. You do realize that he considers you to be disposable just like the imps. You're a fool to think if you'll ever be rewarded for your service."

"Eridan Ampora is no fool!" The troll named Eridan snaps. "Those nook-whiffing, miserable excuse for trolls you call friends are the fools! It doesn't matter though, they are all long dead. Jack Noir has already given me great power." His hand holding the wand starts to rise and you drop The Tumor. "Unstoppable power!" He screams.

**STIRFE!**

Your first spell goes wild, bouncing off the ceiling and ricocheting down the corridor behind him. He is similarly unlucky, sending his own spell whizzing past your ear, only forcing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand erect.

This fight might be more evenly matched than you earlier thought. Your current lack of concentration equals Eridan's lack of experience. If you can just clear your mind of all confusing thoughts pertaining to a certain dead teenager lying near your feet, then you can easily dispatch this magician wannabe.

You perform a graceful pirouette, simultaneously dodging the next spell sent your way and leaping over John's body. You're putting distance between yourself and the Horrorterror pit, hopefully reducing their influence on you.

"_You can't win this fight without us. Use us to win, Rose."_

"SHUT UP!" You shriek and slash both of your wands through the air in a complicated maneuver towards a confused looking Eridan.

Your spell charges down the corridor with the strength and speed of a freight train, bearing down on your foe. Eridan gives a shrill squeak and dives out of the way, flattening himself against the wall and allowing your spell to tear past him.

For a brief moment the entire corridor goes from dully illuminated to bright as day. You can clearly see John, still as ever, and Eridan, whose face is the perfect image of fear. He's just realized that he might have bitten off more than he could chew, and something about that fills you with a sick glee.

"_Yes! Kill him! Kill! Kill! Kill!"_

Your hand moves of its own accord, pointing your wand directly at Eridan's chest. One more spell and it will be over, you can kill this troll and get down to the business of killing yourself. Your hand starts the shake and the voices continue to chant, _Kill! Kill! Kill!_, with fervor, building up with excitement towards a vicious crescendo.

"_KILL HIM! JOIN US ONCE AGAIN!"_

You wish John wasn't dead. You're head was always clear when he was around, not filled with thoughts of darkness and ambition and violence and hesitation. The Horrorterrors are the masters of indoctrination, planting a seed within your own mind, making it hard to discern your own thoughts from theirs. It's a horrible and slow process twisting your own HOLY SHIT ERIDAN IS CASTING A SPELL!

The spell hits you on the shoulder (good thing Eridan's aim still sucks) and sends you spinning through the air like a Rose Lalonde-shaped Frisbee. You flip backwards down the corridor, quickly thinking of some spell that will assist you in landing as painlessly as possible. Nothing comes to mind though, your thoughts are still as scrambled as… something scrambled.

Eggs or something.

You have better things to do right now than formulate shitty metaphors like your ridiculous ecto-brother.

Squiddles and yarn balls dance alternately around your head when you slam into the ground, sliding a few extra yards just in case you weren't disoriented enough.

"_GET UP, YOU FOOL! FIGHT OR DIE!"_

You're inclined to agree with the voices this time, as you are most certainly a goner if you don't defend yourself. You shake your head, clearing it quickly, and cast about for your wands. They are nowhere to be seen though, having flown from your grasp upon landing.

Rolling onto your stomach, you try to push yourself to your feet, but another blast of magical energy collides with your back, with an incredible amount of heat. You cry out and fall onto your face, writhing in pain.

This really sucks.

A thin-fingered hand grips your shoulder none too gently and flips you onto your back. Eridan stands above you, smirking like a total douchebag. He's won and he knows it. Once again you've managed to fail everyone who mattered. John, Dave, and Jade, all of the trolls. Your mother, who's still alive, held prisoner by Jack Noir.

You didn't blow up the Green Sun. You didn't kill yourself. You'll never going to publish your series of fantasy novels under the pseudonym _Violet Tsirblou._

Eridan raises his want to strike the killing blow and you close your eyes.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are once again John Egbert. Which means that once again, a member of the female species has gotten the drop on you.

How many times are you going to be murdered in this game? You're only half interested in finding out the true response to that question, since the answer is probably really depressing.

You cannot believe that Rose did that to you. After all that you two have been through together!

You guess it's sort of noble that she wanted to keep you from undergoing a suicide mission, but instead of simply talking and explaining the situation like the rational person you expected her to be, she straight up murdered you.

"Gah!" You huff, throwing your hands in the air. "_Women!_"

You redirect your attention to your computer screen, intent on messaging Dave and asking for advice concerning the dangers of feminine wiles, when you realize that you're dead and you shouldn't be in your room, sitting in front of your computer.

"Uh… what the hell?" You push away from you desk and stand up, turning to examine your bed, closet, and chest of random gubbins.

This can't be real. Last time you checked you were in Jack Noir's castle, being murdered by one of your closest friends.

Is this a dream? Is this the afterlife?

You stand in the middle of the room, pinching your skin and biting at your tongue. It feels real, but then again, maybe your subconscious just knows what it's supposed to feel like and is throwing up imitations of actual feeling?

Or maybe SBURB was the dream and this is real life?

Have you fallen asleep at your computer again and just dreamed the whole thing? Was all that stuff about trolls and your friends and your Dad, just some crazy stress induced fever-dream?

There's only one way to find out. You start towards the door. You're going to find your Dad and ask him about everything. You're going to find some answers.

You wrap your hand around the doorknob and suddenly your computer beeps from behind you. Now you have a choice to make, do you go pester one of your chums or do you find your Dad.

If you pester one of your chums, then you might receive some answers to what is truly going on. If you go to your Dad, you will receive confirmation on what is truly going on. However, what if your Dad isn't there? What if he _is _and he's dead, just like he was on that spire?

You sit down at your computer chair, head buzzing with questions and see that it is not one of your friends pestering you, but a person whose name you don't recognize.

"Joooooooohn!" The text says. "I can't 8elieve this is happening! You're finally here ::::D"

"what are you talking about? who is this?" You respond.

"Answer my call." The text responds and a second later a message pops up:

arachnidsGrip has invited ectoBiologist to a voice chat!

"i'm not doing anything until you tell me who you are." You say, defiant.

"Uggggggggh. Don't you remem8er me, Pupa?"

You re-read the last sentence a few times. They called you _Pupa._

"… vriska?"

"Yes! I knew you were smart, John. It's me!" The text exclaims. "Vriska!"

You answer the call and immediately Vriska is chattering away in your headset.

"So… How's it feel to be dead, yet again? Pretty lame huh, what is it with you and dying? I mean, come on. " She laughs. "Anyways, I can't believe my plan actually worked! This is incredible!"

"What plan, what are you talking about?" You ask. "Vriska tell me what is going on."

"You died and since it was neither heroic nor just, you'll rejoin the living in a few minutes. Right now though, you're in a Dream Bubble, a Dream Bubble that _I_ created."

"You made this?" You cast a glance around your room again. "Vriska, none of this is making any sense! What are you doing here? How did you make this? What is a dream bubble?"

"Fuh, that's a lot of questions." Vriska laughs, but it dies off quickly. "Listen, this is kind of hard to explain. Maybe it would go easier if we talked in person?"

"Okay, where are you?"

"Outside."

You tear off your headset and stand up, crossing to your bedroom window. Sure enough, Vriska is standing in your front yard, dark hair clashing horribly with the blanket of snow.

Without a second thought, you race from your room and down the stairs, to the front door, and out into the world. Vriska hasn't moved, she's just standing there waiting for you. She's exactly as you remembered her, robotic arm and missing eye, tattered shirt and broken sunglasses, there's no doubt in your mind that it's your Vriska.

"Oh, man. I've missed you." You run up and give her a hug, burying your face in her mass of tangled hair and not even minding when one of her horns scratches a quarter of an inch away from your eye. "I mean, it feels like it's been a long time since I've seen you. So much has happened and…"

"Yeah this is great and all," Vriska cuts you off, but she's smiling wider than you've ever seen her before. "But it's really fucking cold out here."

You just notice that she is shivering like crazy and trying to simultaneously appear indifferent and bury herself in your chest.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry." You take her hand and pull her towards the door. "Let's go inside."

Vriska follows you into the living room where she stomps the remaining snow from her shoes, leaving wet globs to soak into the carpet. You're having trouble caring at the moment though.

"What was all that shit?" She asks, shaking her head like a wet dog.

"What was what shit?"

"All that white shit on the ground! Don't tell me that you didn't see it."

"Oh that was snow, it's like frozen water that falls from the sky sometimes."

She looks at you like you're a lunatic.

"Are you fucking with me right now?"

"No I'm being serious." You laugh. "What? You guys don't have that on Alternia?"

"No, of course not. That sounds like an incredibly stupid thing to happen."

"Oh, well Jade's land in the game was covered in snow. At least that's what she told me. The Land of Frost and Frogs and all that. "

"Hmmm." Vriska hums, sounding a little skeptical, and proceeds to look around the interior of your home. "So this is your hive, huh? It could be worse."

"Thanks, I think." A thought crosses your mind. "So, if you created this place," You gesture around vaguely. "Did you by any chance put my Dad in here?"

Vriska shakes her head as she moves to go investigate one of your Dad's many harlequin statues.

"Nope, only players can create Dream Bubbles and only players can _enter _Dream Bubbles." She knocks the statue on it's side and turns back to face you. "Your adult male guardian is dead, isn't he?"

"You don't know?" You ask, moving over to stand the statue back up.

"I don't know anything that's happened since I've died. I just created this Dream Bubble in the very likely chance that you would die again, so that I could talk to you."

You stare at Vriska for what feels like an eternity. You're nearly positive that you've heard her wrong, or that she's said the wrong thing. She doesn't correct herself though, or clarify or anything else. Vriska just stares right back at you, waiting.

"You're… dead?" You reach out and press your palm into her cheek. Her face is warm and her sharp cheek bone digs into you.

"Yeah, I'm super dead. Long gone and buried." She steps away from you and points towards the stairs. "Is this the way to your room?"

Vriska doesn't wait for a response before jogging up the stairs. You follow after her, tripping over your own feet.

"What do you mean, _you're dead_? What happened? How did you die?"

She doesn't respond. You grit your teeth and follow her to the top of the stairs, where you see her pulling open the door to the hall closet.

"Ah fuck!" She shrieks and jumps back when a bucket tumbles out and onto to the floor. "What the fuck, John!"

"Oh! I'm sorry!" You rush forward and grab the bucket, stuffing it back into the closet and out of sight.

"Jegus, I knew you liked me, Pupa, but I literally just stepped into your house." Vriska shoots you a wink, causing heat to rise into your cheeks.

"Shut up, I still have no idea what buckets even have to do with… _that_." You walk to the correct door and lead the way into your room.

"You know that you can call it _sex_ if you want to. I won't tell anyone." Vriska sneers, brushing past you. "Hmmm. This will do just fine."

"For what?" You ask. "And you haven't answered _any_ of my questions."

"Well there's no point in having a serious conversation, if we aren't comfortable." Vriska sinks onto your bed. "Why don't you tell me how your sloppy rescue mission went?"

"Well, a little different than we originally planned." You admit. "But we got Rose out okay and we were going to blow up the Green Sun when she killed me."

"Looks like Little Miss Perfect, isn't so perfect, huh?"

"What don't you like about her anyways?" You lean against your desk, not trusting yourself to join Vriska on the bed without getting distracted.

"Just this feeling I get." Vriska brushes you off. "I've recently learned to follow my first instincts with people."

There's a long silence then, as Vriska squeezes her fists on her knees and looks at something you can't see. You decide to try again:

"Vriska, are you really dead?"

Her one eye falls upon yours and with a small frown, she answers:

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"Well…" She puts her hand to her chin, pretending to think. "Let me see. You left me behind, John."

You sigh heavily and break eye contact with her.

"I didn't… I didn't want you to get hurt." You tell the floor.

"Job well done then." She crosses her arms and turns away from you.

Neither one of you speak for a while. You think that by now you'd be use to uncomfortable silences, but you aren't. Something tells you that you're never going to be used to the silence.

"I still don't understand how…"

"Terezi killed me." Vriska cuts you off again. "To stop me from going after you."

"She did?"

"You bet. We fought for a while, but she eventually won using some of her underhanded, deceitful, stupid tactics."

"I'm sorry. I thought you and her were friends."

"Well we aren't." Vriska snaps "She's a lunatic with a dragon fetish."

You shift your weight from foot to foot, thinking of something to say.

"Is there… is there anything I can do for you? To bring you back, I mean."

"Yes! Actually there is." Vriska bounces to her feet and moves towards you. You flinch when she grabs you by the shoulders. "Jack Noir is the Black King, right?"

You nod.

"And since he's the Black King, do you know what that means he has?" She continues.

"It means…" You wrack your brains. "It means he has a Black Queen?"

"No, idiot. It means that he has The Ring."

"The one ring to rule them all?"

"What?"

"Never mind."

Vriska takes your hand in both of hers and indicates your left ring finger, where a ring would go.

"Jack Noir, as the Black King, has a ring of power. You can use it to bring me back to life."

"Alright, sounds easy enough." You smile at Vriska, happy to have a chance to make things up to her. "Consider it done."

"Yes! I knew I could count on you, John!" She closes the distance between you and presses a wet kiss to your lips. "You're the best Matesprit ever."

You're still smiling like an idiot when she pulls away.

"Well, that's really all I had to say." She says, brushing at some of the hair on your forehead. "It's really good to see you, Pupa, but I think our time is about up. When you wake up, get back at Rose, destroy the sun, and find Jack."

"Uh, I'll do my best." You don't think you'll _'get back'_ at Rose in the way that she intends. A stern talking-to about trust maybe, but that's all you really have in mind. "Look, I'm really sorry that I left you behind, Vriska. I was going to come back when I got your message, but other stuff…"

"Happened." Vriska finishes. "Yeah I got it."

"So I guess, I'll just go then."

"Yeah."

On a whim, you turn and start towards your bedroom door.

"Hey, John."

"Yeah?" You turn.

"Try not to die again, okay?" She smirks. "But just in case you do, I'll be here waiting for you."

"Alright." You smile at her. "I'll bring you back Vriska, I promise."

You open your bedroom door and wake up.

* * *

**I was hoping to finish the John/Rose/Green Sun story in this chapter, but obviously that didn't happen. It was just starting to run a little long. We'll wrap up this saga next chapter and then get back to the rest of the many characters.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	14. ACT 2 - PART 5

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are Rose Lalonde.

You are currently about to be murdered by a troll who has too big of an ego and too little common sense to understand that he's playing for the wrong team.

By '_wrong team'_ you mean Jack Noir's Team, of course.

Eridan is gazing down at you with a wild gleam in his eye, obviously ecstatic with his triumph over you and the reward he'll receive from his new master for a job well done. You can imagine that Eridan's repot will most likely be a glorified exaggeration of what actually took place, highlighting what little skill he has, whilst downplaying your own proficiency.

You can tell that from that wry little grin and the delicate way that he holds his wand how much of a badass he thinks he is. You're almost looking forward to being dead, so that you can get away from this smug asshole.

You close your eyes and await the slimy, cold, sickeningly tender embrace of death.

"_You are such a disappointment, Rose Lalonde."_

It's kind of depressing that the last voice you will hear will be the silky smooth tones of decaying mental state. What a rude thing to say too.

You aren't a stranger to disappointment. Many a times you've been on both ends of a letdown. Coming home to your mother, passed out on the sofa, or getting online to chat with Dave and being forced to listen to his new '_masterpiece'_ of disturbing and mildly-homoerotic musical nonsense.

Were you selfish to want so much out of life? It always seemed like your mother wanted something from you.

No matter how hard you pressed your back into the chair it was always "_Sit a little straighter, Rose._

Whatever combination of t-shirts and skirts that you wore it was always _"You should put on more color, Rose."_

Maybe that's why you liked video games so much. There are rules, guidelines, an instruction manual. There's a way to win and a way to lose, nothing is grey and everything is either wrong or right. You're good at them too, maybe not as good as Dave, but definitely better than John or Jade.

It's a fun escape when you're mind is a little too weary and your pen is a little too heavy. Writing literature is your passion, but video games are your obsession. Video games also just might be the death of you.

You realize that Eridan is talking.

"Any last words, Human scum?" He squeaks merrily.

Man, you really, _really_ hate this guy.

You keep your stoic lips pursed and your violet eyes sealed, protecting your last soggy dregs of dignity.

"Nope?" Eridan mocks. "Nothing? Well, I didn't think- ARGH!"

Well that certainly wasn't the parting phrase you were expecting to go along with your impending execution. You decide to crack your eye open a fraction of an inch, in order to see what caused Eridan to utter such an expletive.

John is standing there, looking down at Eridan's crumpled form and holding his large hammer above his head, poised to strike to troll again. Your heart soars in your chest only to fly to close to the sun and melt when you get a good look at your friend's face.

Or should you say: former friend's face.

You've never seen John angry before, so it's kind of a harrowing experience to look up and see his generally smooth features contorted by the machinations of the red mist. You don't blame him for being angry, since you did kill him after all. No matter how good intentioned your actions were, he still got hurt in the process. You'll be surprised if he ever forgives you. Hell, you'll be surprised if _you_ ever forgive you.

John's looking down at Eridan still, gauging whether or not the troll is still a threat. When the magician-wannabe doesn't move, John shifts his attention to you, causing your heart to pound a frantic Moroccan beat against the inside of your rib cage.

You chest is a mixture of hot and cold emotions, half wanting John to strike you down for your crimes and half wanting him to wrap you in his wide arms, crushing you in one of his signature hugs.

"Who the fuck is this guy?" He asks instead, pointing to figure at his feet.

Your mouth opens and closes a few times until your tongue starts to formulate words.

"Uh, his name is Eridan." You say. "One of the trolls who's seemed to have defected."

John pauses to think for a moment.

"Hmmm. Eridan, Eridan. That sounds really familiar." He plants the head of his hammer against the ground and leans against it. "I think your troll friend, Kanaya, mentioned something about him. That was a while ago though."

John steps forward and you flinch when he offers you his hand.

"What are you doing?" You ask, watching his proffered appendage warily.

"Uh," John looks from his hand to you. "I thought it was obvious." He shakes his hand a little in front of your face.

This can't be right. It seems too good to be true. You must be dead. Eridan killed you while you were musing over your tragic childhood and analyzing your favorite pastimes.

"Hey, Rose." John says.

You look up into his face and find that it's still strained, although not with anger like you had thought. It takes a moment for you to realize that John looks incredibly sad.

"You think I should be mad, right?" He retracts his hand slightly. "Don't get me wrong, I'm upset that you didn't trust me enough and…"

"John, no." You interrupt. "I trust you more than..."

"As I was saying!" John raises his voice slightly and you're a little ticked that he cut you off, exactly like you had done. "I'm upset that you didn't trust me and that you killed me."

You look away from him, blinking furiously so that he can't see the moisture forming in your eyes. He continues speaking.

"But you are _not_ gonna believe what happened while I was dead."

John tells you about waking up in his room, talking to dead Vriska, Dream Bubbles, the one ring to rule them all which can bring dead Vriska back to life, and of course dead Vriska. Did you mention dead Vriska?

Actually you _didn't_ mention dead Vriska, not like you were supposed to. John found out for himself just like Dave prophesized he would. Man, you really hate when that prick is right about something. Anyways, it's time to face the reckoning. You don't know how John will react, but you're intent on making sure that you take a hundred percent of the blame for keeping him in the dark.

"Isn't that crazy though?!" John finishes. "I mean, we need to message Karkat and tell him what Terezi did. That blind troll could be dangerous!"

"John," You begin, clambering to your feet unassisted. The burning spell that Eridan hit you with stings as your dress rubs against the tender area it struck. You wince as you talk. "Karkat already knows that Terezi killed Vriska. In fact, everyone knows. I'm also afraid that there is crucial information that Vriska neglected to mention."

You take no pleasure in explaining how Vriska killed two of her fellow trolls before Terezi put Vriska down herself. John's face flashes a serious of rapid fire emotions, from sadness, to horror, and eventually just plain old confusion.

"So what are you saying?" John asks. "Did Vriska… lie to me?"

"By omission. She most likely didn't want to… tarnish your opinion of her." You catch yourself sugarcoating things again. You resolve to never lie to John again. "What I mean to say is: Vriska lied to make sure that you'll do everything in your power to bring her back to life, when in reality that might not be the best idea."

"You think I should leave Vriska dead?"

"I think that Vriska got what she…" You catch yourself again.

"Yes, John. I think Vriska should remain dead." You realize that you have forsaken any sensitivity in favor of complete honesty. You wonder how John manages to stay so sincere, yet so… human.

"What if she's changed though? What if dying made her realize the error of her ways?" He asks, but continues talking before you can answer. "Aren't we supposed to kill Jack Noir anyways? When we beat him, we'll get the ring and then we can do whatever we want with it, right?"

"I don't know." You answer honestly. "I don't know much about the Black King's ring, except that it's incredibly powerful. It might not even work for us. Vriska might be wrong or any number of things could happen."

John paces, moving from wall to wall and tripping over the unconscious Eridan twice. You wonder what he's thinking, which is strange since you can usually read John like an open book.

"I'm not going to worry about it now." He says. "Vriska isn't going anywhere and I don't think we'll be fighting Jack Noir anytime soon. When the time comes where I have the ring, I'll… think of something."

"Vriska is dangerous, John." You say quietly, almost hoping that he won't hear. He does though.

"You don't know the first thing about her." He snaps, coming to a stop in front of you. "If you two could just get to know one another, then maybe you would actually get along."

Something about that phrase gets you thinking. The way he says '_one another'_, like he isn't just addressing you. Vriska must harbor some not so subtle animosity towards you. That's interesting. You wonder what you could have possibly done to entice such feelings.

"I can't do anything besides give my honest opinion." You decide to bring this conversation to a close, since there are equally important matters playing out a little closer to the present. "And I should apologize for not telling you about Vriska sooner, and not making you aware of every facet of my plan, and for murdering you, of course."

"I forgive you." John says instantly. "Even though you kind of acted like a total dick and everything, I get why you did a lot of that stuff."

You force a smile in response to John's genuine grin. If all is forgiven then why is it that you feel more like a bitch than ever?

"So anyway," John coughs after a moment. "This whole, one way trip to blow up the Green Sun. There isn't a way around that is there?"

"No." You shake your head. "If we just throw The Tumor straight into the pit, the Horrorterrors will reject it. The Tumor must be delivered by something not just alive, but with a soul and mind that the Horrorterrors will welcome with open arms, or tentacles. You get the picture."

John paces once more. You allow him the chance to think. Even though you know it's very unlikely that he'll find some loophole that you missed, you own him this time to muse, at the extreme least.

"Can't we just strap The Tumor to this guy and chuck him in?" John prods Eridan with his toe.

"No, we…" You stop yourself from instantly shooting him down and instead take a second to process what John actually said. "Son of a bitch that might actually work."

"Really?" John seems just as surprised at his idea as you are.

"Yes," You step closer to John, excited. "If Eridan remains unconscious, then he will not fight the Horrorterror's influence. He will be taken directly into the heart of seventh ring, not exactly to the Green Sun, but close enough so that the blast will still destroy it."

"Will the Horrorterrors die too?"

"Of course, but what is success without a little addendum?" You look down at Eridan. His mouth is drawn up into another smug little smile. Even when he's unconscious he's a piece of shit. "Are you okay with Eridan dying as well?" You ask John.

"Well," John scratches his chin. "If I have to choose between one of us or him, then it's pretty straightforward. Plus he's evil, right? I saw him try to kill you."

"He is pretty evil." You kneel down and relieve Eridan of his weapon, tucking his wand into the sash tied around your slim waist. "I just want to make sure that you understand what you're doing here. There aren't going to be anymore secrets between us, John. You're fully aware that this troll is going to die?"

"Yeah," John stares straight down at the person he's about to execute. "Eridan made his choice. He chose which side he stands on."

As John watches your prisoner, you watch him, carefully taking note of his expression and posture. He seems resigned to the grim task set upon him. He's put up with too much shit to not fully appreciate the gravity of the situation. He's becoming the friendleader that you need him to be.

"Well then there's nothing left to discuss." You move past John to grab The Tumor off the ground.

"For now, at least." John agrees and he stoops down to grab Eridan under the shoulders.

He drags the troll down the corridor, towards the Horrorterror pit, and you follow closely. You examine The Tumor, searching for a seam in the jagged surface of the sphere. It's composed of two pieces, a black half and a white half, which you assume break apart during detonation. You find a tiny groove and dig your fingernail in, flipping out a tiny display.

413

It's a timer, but you already know this. The Tumor was featured quite descriptively in Kanaya's archives. The female troll was quite industrious in her record keeping and for not the first time, you appreciate her diligence.

John flops Eridan at the lip of the portal and stands back, gazing into the black abyss. You busy yourself with The Tumor, making sure that will fulfill its duties without a hitch. It really isn't the bomb you should be worried about though, it's whether or not the Horrorterrors are smart enough to know that this is a trap.

"Are you feeling okay?" John asks abruptly, causing you to jump slightly.

"Of course." You respond, not looking up from your work. "We're about to rid the universe of these horrible eldritch terrors and blow up The Green Sun in one fell swoop. I've never felt better."

"No. I mean, are you feeling okay after that fight. You're moving kind of gingerly."

Now that you think about it, your back really is killing you. You can feel the tender beginnings of a nasty burn.

"How does my back look?" You face away from John.

"Normal, I guess." You sense him move forward. "Does it hurt?"

You feel his fingers brush between your shoulder blades and you bite back a cry of pain, hissing quietly instead. John doesn't miss it though.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Just one of Eridan's spells. He managed to get a lucky shot off." You face John again, putting your back out of harm's way. "My dress isn't burned?"

"No, it looks fine."

"Interesting, maybe Jack Noir actually _did_ teach him some spells after all."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes. There's some slight discomfort but nothing I can't manage." You show John the Tumor, effectively changing the subject. "This is set to explode. Are we ready to do this?"

"I think so."

He stands off to the side as you secure The Tumor to Eridan's chest with some of your precious yarn. You can feel the slight magnetic tug of the Horrorterrors to your right and something about knowing that a few feet away is the source of your real-life nightmares make it difficult for you to tie knots efficiently.

Eventually John has to step in, gently moving away your shaking fingers and finishing the job.

"Okay," You wipe some sweat from your brow. "Let me get it started."

You press a button on The Tumor, fixated underneath the small display.

413, 412, 411, 410.

"I should probably toss him in now." John says.

"That sounds fair to me." You respond.

Despite his reasoning earlier and the hard frown hammered onto his face, John hesitates. He's holding Eridan by his stupid cape and looking into the pit, completely motionless. You're about to take the lead and throw Eridan in yourself, but John finally grits his teeth and hurls the troll/bomb combo into the air.

Eridan does a graceful flip, carried aloft by a strong wind, and you resist the urge to shoot off a middle finger, maybe two, as the metro-sexual troll disappears into the inky black abyss.

The pair of you stand there for a while, simply staring as the black sea ripples like the surface of a lake before going eerily still. You look at John out of the corner of your eye and he's as still as a statue. His arms are locked firmly at his side and his expression is a good imitation of Dave's best poker face.

You start to wonder if maybe you've been going about things all wrong. The whole reason you didn't tell John about Vriska previously is that you wanted to preserve his spirit. You wanted him to stay the same old John with whom you've spent many a late night, talking online about anything and everything that came into your mind.

He's changing though and you realize that now. The old John could never have thrown Eridan to his death. Maybe _you_ are the bad influence on John, instead of Vriska. It's not a pleasant thought, but then again, compared to Vriska, you haven't done much to help John improve himself. You feel like more a detriment than an asset at the moment.

Will any of you ever have a chance of going back to who you used to be before the game started? You certainly hope so. For John's sake and Dave's and Jades, and maybe yours.

You feel something warm brush against your hand and you look down to find that John's fingers are searching for yours.

You grab his hand and look up from your interlaced fingers to see him staring at you.

"So, uh." He begins. "Should we go see the fireworks?"

"What?" You ask, confused. Then you realize what he's saying. "Oh, yeah! Let's go see."

He laughs and leads the way out of the dungeon. You both race up the stairs, up through the castle, through the main hall and out into the LOWAS wilderness.

"There it is." John points up and sure enough the sun is proudly hanging from the sky like the pendulum of some grandfather clock.

"Not for long." You lean against John, glad that he's built solid enough to support your weight. You're suddenly feeling very tired.

You stare up, squinting against the harsh glare of the sunlight and wait for it to be extinguished.

You wait and wait and wait and wait.

John shuffles awkwardly and you start chewing on your nails, a nervous habit that you thought you'd shaken years ago. You wait and wait some more, before waiting again.

Eventually it happens.

A dot of light erupts next to the sun and steadily grows in intensity, eventually you have to shut your eyes to protect yourself from the brightness. You hear John gasp and you cover your shut eyes with the back of your hand, further sheltering yourself. It's a shame really. You were looking forward to watching your plan triumph.

Slowly, almost cautiously, the light begins to fade. It feels like a few minutes pass before you feel confident enough to risk taking a peek at the sky again. The first thing you notice is that it's not completely dark out, in fact, if anything it's even brighter out now.

You look up and your breath catches in your throat.

"Oh." John says.

You have to agree with your friend.

"Yeah." You mutter.

There are now two suns hanging in the sky, one small and bright, which had always been there, and another one, very large and very green.

"So… We _created_ a green sun?" John asks.

"I- I think so." You answer.

"Oh… fuck."

**FACE PALM COMBO x4**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are now Jade Harley. If you ever see another mushroom, you're pretty sure you're gonna flip some massive shit.

"Open up, Harley." Dave croons ironically. "Here comes the motherfuckin plane."

You smack the spoon out of Dave's hand, sending its contents splattering on the wall of Karkat's bedroom.

"Cut it out!" You snarl. "I told you I wasn't hungry."

"Well you're not leaving this room until all your vegetables are gone." Dave scoops up another dollop of mushroom paste. "Now open your mouth and take it."

"Ew."

"You know what I mean."

You huff and cross your arms, turning away from Dave and warding off anymore of his doting behavior. The pair of you are still in the troll's abandoned base, waiting for John and Rose to finally show the fuck up.

You'd woken up a few hours ago, lightheaded and weak, but thankfully alive thanks to Dave's tender loving care. The ointment that he had found actually worked pretty well, keeping your wounds sealed and urging along the healing process. If only the mushroom stew he had made was as helpful.

Dave is a lot of things, cool, awesome, badass, handsome, but he isn't a chef by any stretch of the imagination. He's been known to overcook a bowl of cereal. Therefore, the food he'd prepared for you has the look and consistency of flan, without the taste or the drizzle of delicious caramel.

He pokes you in the cheek with the spoon again and you're about to suggest a place he can shove it, when you hear something: voices.

"Dave." You hiss.

"What?"

"Do you hear that?"

He lowers the spoon and tilts his head, reminding you of a curious dog. Rest in peace, Bec. Never forget. Dave's been a good companion thus far. Saving your life and other stuff aside, he's actually pretty good at helping you cope with loss. He even offered to '_pore some out for your dead homie'_ when he gets the chance. You think that's sweet.

"Sounds like people." Dave comments. He rests your meal on the nearby table and grabs his sword. "You stay here, while I check it out."

"Fuuuuuuck that." You sling your legs over the side of the bed and hop to your feet. You're a lot steadier on your own two legs now that you've gotten some rest. "I can cover you."

After you had woken up, Dave had gone to rustle up some food and had stumbled upon an interesting find in one of the rooms: a harpoon gun, painted a bright blue and glowing with mystical energy. It's not your Grandpa's hunting rifle, but it's better than nothing. You're just happy to be of use again.

You grab the rifle off the ground and tuck it under your arm, smiling a doofy smile at the comfortable weight.

"That's a negative Annie Oakley." Dave moves towards the door. "We don't know who could be out there."

You and Dave both know who you _don't _want it to be. Another encounter with Dave's Bro is not on your to do list. You're too emotionally attatached to your remaining fingers to put them in harms way.

"All the more reason you need someone watching your back. Don't be a fuckass, Dave. Let me help." You smile at him when he casts a glance over his shoulder.

He's frowning and most likely thinking that standing here and talking is wasting a huge amount of time. You're inclined to agree, since whoever is out there chatting it up could be setting up some kind of ambush right now.

"If it looks like a total fuck o' cluster, you gtfo." Dave whispers as he opens the door quietly. "Do you follow me?"

"Like a baby duck following a mama duck." You snicker, creeping out after Dave.

It's scary, tiptoeing down the corridor towards the main computer room, but also kind of exciting! All this time lying around, bleeding to death, has got you itching for some real action. Now's the time for you to work out some aggression, to prove yourself as a fighter, to kick some real life ass.

It's John and Rose.

You squeal and drop your harpoon gun, rushing forward to tackle your two friends off of their feet.

"OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU GUYS!" You cry as you do your best to smother the stunned pair.

John reciprocates quickly, wrapping you in a one armed hug and giving you a nice squeeze. Rose is doing a good impression of a plank of wood, but you won't fault her on that. You're just happy that they're both okay!

"Hey, Jade. How are you feeling?" John asks, ruffling your hair in that affectionate brotherly way you're starting to like.

"Like a gazillion bucks now that you two are here!" You bounce to your feet and give them a chance to stand as well, before assaulting them with your words. "Did you blow up the sun? How did John save you from the castle? I bet it was super awesome! Have you talked to any of the trolls? They're all missing! Look at my hand! Dave's a good nurse. We should call him Nurse Dave from now on. Haha."

One edge of Rose's lip quirks up in a tiny smirk and she looks over your shoulder to address her ecto-brother.

"Was she this chatty the whole time _you_ were with her?" She asks.

"Nope," Dave strides forward and bumps your shoulder with his. "I got lucky. She was unconscious most of the time."

You flip him the finger, but he doesn't seem to care, instead he's greeting his best bro in the whole wide world!

"Sup, Egbert."

"Hey, Dave."

Boys are so weird.

"Have you been taking care of my lil' sis?" Dave throws his arm around Rose's shoulder, just to piss her off.

"I'm more than capable of taking care of myself." Rose answers for John and quickly slides out from under Dave's arm. "Although I cannot deny that John has proven himself to be quite the worthy assistant."

"Psshhh. Who are you calling '_assistant'_?" Dave scoffs. "That's your Friendleader you're talking about. Show some damn respect."

"Oh. Please forgive me for my insubordination, John. I do not know what came over me."

"Apology accepted." John steps in before Dave can shoot off another comment.

"Hello!" You say. "Jade here, lots of questions, no answers!"

"Right, sorry." John turns to Rose. "Could you explain what we've been up to? I'm actually still wrapping my head around it."

"It would be my pleasure." You all scrounge up some intact chairs, before Rose dives head first into a convoluted story involving Horrorterrors, Grimdarkness, Jack Noir…

"Except he wasn't Jack Noir." She explains. "While I was being held by eldritch beasts, he'd undergone some sort of transformation. He now has the head of a dog and, I assume, all the natural abilities of one. It's as if he bonded with an animal to…

"Bec." You cut her off. "He must bonded with Bec after he died."

"You're dog?" John asks.

"Yes." You slap a palm to your forehead. "Oh man. I don't know what's worse: my dog being dead or my dog being absorbed by an evil villain."

"Your dog entered the medium?" Rose taps her chin with a delicate finger. "That's interesting, I thought only players and guardians could be transmitted into the session."

"Well he was sort of a guardian." You think back to your childhood, being raised by man and beast alike on a tropical island. "He was also my best friend."

"Is there a way we could separate them?" Dave is busy passing out bowls of mushroom stew to everyone. You decline, John woofs it down quickly, and Rose dabs her spoon with the tip of her tongue before shoving the bowl away.

"I don't know." Rose admits, sighing heavily. "There's so much I don't know."

"That's not your fault though." John points to Rose's bowl and she lets him have it. "I mean, you know the most out of anyone. You've been a big help."

"But what point is knowledge without assurance that it's accurate?" She counters and then turns to Dave. "You wouldn't happen to have any water would you? You'd be surprised how hard that commonly disregarded liquid is to find nowadays."

Dave looks a little displeased to suddenly find himself as a waiter of sorts, but goes and returns with a bottle of water for Rose anyways.

"Thank you very much." She furiously tears off the top and greedily gulps down the precious, precious water.

"What do you mean by '_knowledge without assurance'_?" You ask. "Did something go wrong."

Rose and John share a look.

"Why don't you take this one?" She passes him the water bottle and he takes it gingerly.

"Well…" John turns the bottle over in his hands. "It seems like we were wrong about The Tumor. It wasn't a bomb, but more like an egg. I guess."

"An egg?" Dave sits on his chair backwards, resting his arms on the head rest. He's so fucking cool. "Please tell me that it hatched a giant baby pigeon that gobbled up the sun like it was made of breadcrumbs some old dude scattered in a city park."

"Not exactly. It more like…" John takes a deep breath. "Hatchedandcreatedagreensuninstead."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It hatched and createdagreensuninstead."

"Try that again, Bro. A little slower this time."

"It created a Green Sun…" John is now very interested in the water bottle.

It's very silent in the big empty room for a moment, while you and Dave try to mull over the implications of John's words.

"So you're saying we were tricked?" You finally deduce. "That somebody said The Tumor was one thing when it was actually something else."

"Yes." Rose answers simply.

"Well what the fuck does it mean then?" Dave leans forward on his chair, tipping it dangerously. "Is Jack Noir twice as powerful now, or what?"

"Well he certainly isn't weaker." Rose snatches the bottle back from John and drains the rest of it. "There's nothing we can do about it now though."

"Rose is right. Now we need to focus on The Scratch." John says.

"And finding the trolls." You add.

"Right," John agrees. "There's so much to talk about, but we can do that on the way. The Scratch site is on LOHAC and it's not getting any closer."

"How do we know that The Scratch isn't another bullshit lie, just like The Tumor was?" Dave raises a good point. "What if instead of restarting the session, it completely bones us like a bunch of low self-esteemed babes in a brothel."

"The Scratch is a game construct." Rose explains. "It's a part of the core mechanics. The Tumor was an abnormality I thought we could use to our advantage, whose abilities was incredibly vague at best. Trust me on this though, The Scratch _will_ work."

Rose's words are good enough for you.

"Alright well let's get going then!" You stand up. "I'm not going to sit around here any longer waiting like a little…"

You trail off when something gives off a small _pop_ from overhead. Everyone looks up to watch as something small and square descends from the hole in the ceiling, carried aloft by a tiny parachute.

"Move you bitches!" Dave grabs your arm and hauls you towards the door. You look back and see John and Rose dive behind an over turned desk, just as the box touches the ground and…

Does absolutely nothing.

The four of you are motionless, watching the sinister looking package rest on the floor among the debris of a battle all of you had missed. The box doesn't move or make a sound or anything. It just sits there, waiting just like you guys.

"I'm gonna open it." John says after a while.

"John, no…" Rose makes a grab for hi,, but he's already moved out of reach.

No one else tries to stop him. You're all as curious about the mysterious appearance of the thing as he is. John advances carefully, feet barely touching the ground as he moves closer. With a glorious amount of restraint you didn't know he possessed, he reaches down and gently pulls the tiny parachute off the top of the box.

You see him flip open the lid and instantly lean back, as if he's afraid something will erupt from the box. Nothing does, so he takes a peek inside.

"Uhhhhhh. Guys," His face steadily loses blood, leaving him a pasty white. "There's a… thing in here. Like… what the fuck?"

As one, you, Dave, and Rose step forward and crowd around John and the strange delivery. You look inside the box. Dave turns away, Rose covers her mouth, and you let loose a shrill scream.

Inside the box, is the severed hand of your grandfather. Courtesy of one Jack Noir.

* * *

**All the kids are together for the first time. Whoooo! Next time: The Scratch.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	15. ACT 2 - PART 6

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Thanks to cheezebuns and Namz011 for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too. Being anyone else is sort of a waste of time compared to being someone like Dave Strider.

Or at least, that's what you tell yourself as you shuffle along a stone path in the heart of LOHAC. After catching up with your friends for about thirty seconds, the mood had been spectacularly killed by an unexpected message.

The whole 'box with a parachute from the heavens' was a little overdramatic for your taste, but Rose explained that Jack Noir is a patron melodrama. You're inclined to agree, taking into consideration his medieval castle, subterranean portal/pit, and mysteriously odd behavior. Seriously, who kills two kids, runs for the hills, and then taunts from afar with morbid airdrops?

Jack Noir. That's who.

Jade was pretty distraught and only a speech from John you only half listened to managed to calm her down. He said something about perseverance and not letting Jack Noir know that he's getting to her. You'll get the abridged version from Rose later. It sounded pretty profound.

The reason John only held about forty percent of your interest was because you were busy planning your revenge. Brainwashing your Bro, killing your best friend and Rose, and then tormenting your little Harley. Let's just say that Jack Noir has got a date with your sword. A date which will most likely end up with your sword escorting Jack Noir back to it's pad and fucking the ever living shit out of him.

Your sword is quite the player.

"Pick up your feet." Rose snaps from your side. "All that scuffing is giving me a migraine."

You make a point of scrubbing your shoe across the ground, dislodging a few loose stones and sending one bouncing into a pool of nearby lava with a satisfying _hisss_. Rose shoots you a glare.

Damn, if looks could kill.

"Oh lighten up, Lalonde." You shove your hands deep into your pockets. "You don't need to be so serious all the time."

"I am _not_ serious all the time." She jabs quickly. "I just think that one of us should try to keep in mind how important our current mission is."

She shoots another pointed look. This time you're lucky enough to not be the target, instead she's scowling up at the sky.

John and Jade are living it up, having a regular blast, cart-wheeling across the smoky LOHAC sky to the rhythmic song of many whoops and hollers. Jade had leapt at the chance to fly with John, throwing herself onto his back with enough force to knock him over once again.

Now that they're airborne though, it seems unlikely that their shoes will ever interact with solid ground again. Rose and you declined his offer. Not only because it seemed doubtful that John would be able to carry you all at once, but because mounting your best friend, even for some platonic flying fun-times, is not something on your to-do list.

"Let them have their fun. There's not a lot of smiles going around these days anyway." You say. "It's as if smiles have just become a rare material in some foreign country and now all the hunters are grabbing their rifles, hoping to make a quick buck off of some poached grins."

"Regardless, they could give away our position."

"Our position?" You repeat. "Are you saying that The Scratch site is protected? Like we'll have to fight our way to it?"

Rose shrugs.

"I honestly don't know what to believe anymore." She admits much to your surprise. "The game could start throwing every enemy at us in an attempt to thwart us, or Jack Noir himself could show up with any number of minions. He seemed to have known where to drop off that package. Therefore it's likely that he's been monitoring our movements."

Well if you weren't anxious before, you certainly are now.

"Whatever's there waiting for us won't be a problem. I'll kill anything that stands in our way."

"Even your brother?"

You skip a step and stumble over the flat ground. Thanks, Rose. Thanks a lot.

"You said Bro was brainwashed." You have trot to catch back up. "If we run into him, I'll just snap him out of whatever evil spell Jack Noir casted over him."

"I said he _might_ be brainwashed. Like I've mentioned already: I don't know what to believe anymore."

She's really beating herself up over that whole Green Sun debacle. You've never heard Rose admit that she doesn't know something. Now she's said it twice in the last two minutes.

You decide to change the subject and comfort her in one slick move.

"It's not your fault, you know?" You begin. "This whole game is a big mystery to us and you were the only one trying to solve it. Who gives a flying fuck if your info was a little off? We're still going to win. We're together now and that's everything."

Rose rolls her eyes, but her lip quirks a bit.

"Thanks, Dave. You're words are appreciated along with your uncharacteristic optimism." She bumps into you playfully. "I've always known you were a big softie at heart."

"You're right about that. I'm like a human crescent roll. Flaky on the outside, yet soft and warm on the inside. Don't eat me too quick though, right out of the oven I'm liable to burn your tongue."

"Wonderful metaphor."

"Damn straight.

You hear Jade screech above your head and you glance up to see John coming out of a complicated looking aerial maneuver. Rose is also looking up, although her expression is almost… wistful instead of impressed. You raise your eyebrows

"You could have flown if you wanted to." You say. "I'm sure John would have liked to have two ladies hanging off of him at once. I wouldn't have minded walking by my lonesome."

Rose starts, as if she's been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. Your brows move higher.

"What? Oh, no I don't like flying very much." She brushes her hair casually. "It's a little too hectic in my opinion. Maybe after John practices some more…"

She trails off and you're eyebrows are now in danger of disappearing into your hair.

"What?!" She turns on you. "Why are you giving me that look?"

"I am giving no looks." You smirk. "Don't act paranoid, Lalonde."

"I'm not acting anything, let alone paranoid."

"Sure."

She turns away from you with a tiny _humph _and you go back to shuffling your feet, kicking rocks every so often. You're all but ready to endure the rest of the walk to The Scratch site in silence when Rose speaks again.

"Why are you counting your steps?" She asks randomly.

"What?"

"You're counting your steps, Dave. Sixty steps followed by one kick, then the process repeats. It's like you're counting out minutes…" She trails off again and then realization flashes across her face. "A side effect of your new role as the Knight of Time, I see. That's very intriguing."

"What are you talking about?" You jab a little too quickly.

You're already painfully aware of how your entire way of thinking has changed since you've reached god tier status. Everything you do has an order to it, a sort of unconscious synchronization that forces every movement, every thought, to happen in chronological order. You don't need Rose to tell you that you're currently being driven insane by the unstoppable passage of time. You're already well aware.

"I'm merely making observations." Rose says, slightly defensive. "It's interesting to see how much the god tiers affect us." She points skywards. "Besides the obvious, of course. I've been meaning to ask: have you experienced any time loops yet?"

"Time hoops?"

"No, time _loops_." She suddenly looks very excited. "It's where, through the process of time travel, you create alternate timelines, basically splitting apart our dimension into different versions, each sporting different outcomes depending on your actions."

"Uh…" Your ecto-sister has an annoying habit of talking about nerdy stuff and expecting you understand what the fuck she is talking about. "Well, I've already traveled through time once. It wasn't very enjoyable though and I don't think I created any alternate timelines."

"Of course you did!" Rose exclaims. "You created at least two different timeless, one where you travel through time and one where you didn't."

"So there's another _me_ running around somewhere?"

"In another dimension, although I'm almost positive that you have the ability to create stable time loops, in which all time lines converge into…"

"Okay, Lalonde. Shut the fuck up before my head explodes from over exposure to knowledge." You press your hands to either side of your head for emphasis. "I've already got a basic handle on this time travel shit and I don't need you complicating things with all this technical doo daa."

You think that maybe you're being a dick, but Rose seriously needs to learn when to shut the fuck up. With all of her analysis of normal human behavior, you'd think she'd know when to pick up on some social ques. For example, you're currently oozing sweat like a bloated sponge and shaking like a hairless rat in a snow storm. That commonly means you aren't in the mood for a chat.

The seconds tick on.

"I apologize. I was simply trying to help you understand your abilities more." She turns away from you to look ahead.

"Fuck, don't apologize. Just… let's talk about something else, okay?"

As much as you don't want Rose to pester you, you'd rather listen to her voice than the maddening _tick tock_ of the eternal clock in your chest.

"Okay, what piques your interest?" She asks.

"Did you tell John about Vriska?"

You try not to feel too satisfied when she stiffens visibly. She doesn't like it very much when the glaring beam of an investigative spotlight is turned on her. She seems to be taking her sweet time formulating a response and you wonder why that is, considering the simple 'yes or no' answer you were looking for.

"Let's just say that John knows and leave it at that."Rose finally replies.

You're prepared to argue, but you guess that you owe her a solid for giving you a pass when you didn't want to discuss time travel. John and Jade are yelling overhead again, swept up in the excitement of besting gravity. You wonder if he's accepted Vriska's death and moved on or whether he's pounding down his sadness into a manageable, compact package that he can stow away in the recesses of his brain.

Knowing him, it's probably the latter. John has all of his negative emotions shoved in a box like The Ark of the Covenant and stashed away in Area Fifty-One. His head is a maze of nondescript boxes, the likes of which the great archeologist Indiana Jones wouldn't be able to navigate.

"_That won't stop Rose from trying though."_ You think, as you look at your ecto-sister and catch her staring up at John and Jade again with that strange look on her face.

"It looks like fun times are over." She says, still looking up.

You follow her gaze to see that John and Jade have started to descend. Harley is still giggling like an asylum inmate when her feet touch solid ground. John is grinning like a loon as well, although he seems a little put out. You guess he's capable of staying in the air all day; breathing in the smoky winds and watching the lava boil below.

"That was so awesome!" Jade sings merrily. "Dave, you _have_ to try that sometime."

"If men were meant to fly, we would have been born with wings." You reply. "Which would have been totally sweet by the way. Imagine basketball except with god dammed _flying_."

"They already have that, right Rose?" John moves next to your ecto-sister. "It's called Quidditch."

She sighs heavily.

"We've discussed this extensively, John. Just because they both have hoops and balls, doesn't mean that Basketball and Quidditch are similar in any way."

"_Hoops and balls._" Jade repeats with a snicker. "Hehe... Sex."

You turn away to hide the smile that tugs at the edges of your lips like a kite caught in a sudden breeze of sexual innuendo. There's no need to blow your 'cool dude' persona with emotions, more than you already have at least.

"So is there a reason you cut your flight short? Or were you just craving for some intelligent conversation?" You ask your best friend and main squeeze (note: unconfirmed).

"Well actually," John says, pointing directly in front of you. "We've reached our destination."

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you are leading your best and closest pals in the whole universe towards a giant disc-like construct above an ocean of piping hot magma, with the hopes of resetting a video game that you've all been sucked into, kind of like Tron except not nearly as sci-fi.

The giant disc-like construct actually resembles a disc or record of some sort. Dave was quick to dub it The Beat Mesa, due to its similarity to his turntables. You're less concerned with _what it's called_ though and more about _how it works._

"Hey, I hate to always put you on the spot," You put a hand on Rose's shoulder. "But you always seem to have the answer, so what happens after we initiate The Scratch?"

"Well, the game will be reset of course." She answers plainly.

"Yeah, I got that part. But what happens to us?" You gesture vaguely to your surroundings. "What happens to all of this?"

This gives Rose some pause. For a while, she doesn't answer and you fear that maybe you've stumped her.

"I assume…" She thinks some more, then sighs. "Listen John, considering all that has happened recently, I don't really know how accurate my information is. Best case scenario: all the lands are wiped clean and reset, while we are placed back where we all began."

"And the worst case scenario?" Jade asks, leaning in.

"Everything currently in existence, us included, will be wiped. A new blank slate will be created with new lands and new players." Rose answers solemnly.

You, Jade, and Dave blink at her silently. Well, at least you _think_ Dave blinks. You can't see his eyes behind his sweet shades.

You don't really know for sure what it means to be _'wiped'_, but you guess by the look on Rose's face that it's not the best fate for you guys. It didn't necessarily matter to you if you lived or died before. As long as Jack Noir was weakened, the new players in the new session could stand a chance against him.

But Jack Noir wasn't weakened. The Green Sun wasn't destroyed, it was created. If you die, how will the players that come after you stand a chance against Jack Noir, an unfamiliar enemy with unbelievable power? The simple answer is that they won't.

"Those are the only two scenarios?" Dave asks eventually. Rose nods, yes.

"What about the trolls?" Jade interjects. "They're still out there somewhere. If The Scratch wipes everything, then they'll be killed too."

A thought strikes you.

"The trolls knew that we wanted to initiate The Scratch." You speak more to Rose than anyone else. "They must have known what would happen if we are successful and they would have told you if it was bad. Karkat wanted us to do this, so it must be safe, right?"

"Karkat also knew that blowing up The Green Sun was essentially a suicide mission." Rose has a good point. "Just because he wants something done, doesn't mean that it's particularly _'safe'_."

"So do we do this or not?" Dave seems eager to get to the point.

All eyes are on you now, the Friendleader.

Rose has told you everything she knows and now it's time for you to make a decision. Do you risk blowing you, all your friends, and the trolls into oblivion? You suddenly realize that Jack Noir is also at risk of being destroyed by this. The new session, whether you're in it or not, will stand a much better chance if Jack Noir was gone.

You've come all this way, done all these crazy things, and now you're finally here. What would happen to Vriska if everything reset? Would the strange limbo afterlife she currently lives in be destroyed too? One thing's for sure, you wouldn't be delivering her that ring if you died.

Which brings up another point. Would you even die? Does this count as a heroic death? Once again you are bombarded with questions and neglected by answers. Nothing is certain except that you are here right now, and that initiating The Scratch is something you've planned to do for a long while.

"Screw it." You say. "Let's do this thing."

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

You lead the way across a narrow bridge towards the surface of The Beat Mesa. It would have been much easier to just fly the distance, but something about this scene demands the dramatic, slow walk towards your destination.

The lava far beneath you moves unlike anything you've ever seen before. It swirls and bubbles and waves like a giant, angry, blood-red soup. You feel sweat trickle down your neck and you wonder how Dave puts up with this place. It's much too hot for your taste.

But then again, Dave's so cool that maybe it balances out? You'd ask him about it, if you weren't a hundred percent certain that you'd get some snarky answer in return. Dave and his ecto-sister are liable to give you sass any day of the week. If there's one thing you respect, it's reliability.

You reach the edge of the mesa. The whole surface is smooth, glassy, and black, like that of volcanic rock. You're almost afraid to step on it, since you think it might shatter under your feet. You eventually take a deep breath and press your right foot down onto the plateau.

Nothing happens. You take that as a good sign for the time being.

"Okay, so what next?" All of you walk across to the very center of the disc.

"We need to get that started." Rose is pointing up towards a stalactite looking object, which is hanging above your head, suspended by an arc of red rock. You didn't really give the natural looking formation any thought before, but now that you look at it, this whole construct looks like a record/needle combo.

"And how do we get up there?" Dave asks.

You answer for Rose this time.

"We fly of course," You grin and hold out your arm. "Anyone want to come along?"

Rose looks away, finding interest in something else. Dave flat out says '_fuck no'_.

"I'll go!" Jade chirps and leaps onto your back.

You grunt and stumble under her weight. You'd never admit this aloud, for fear of stirring up some self-esteem issues, but Jade is heavier than she looks. Although, you consider that half of the problem may be your refusal to perform any real exercise for the majority of your life.

"Look for a consol!" Rose shouts as you take to the skies once more. "Or a switch or something. The instructions are actually pretty vague."

"Got it!" You yell back, unsure if she actually can hear you or not.

The needle is a lot higher than you originally anticipated, so it takes you a while to reach it. As you draw near, you notice that you're flight has become a little unsteady, wobbling from side to side quite frantically.

"Jade?" You tighten your grip under her legs. "Are you shaking? What's going on?"

"Oh, sorry." She stills and your flight smoothes out considerably. "I guess I'm just a little nervous!"

"Well don't worry. I'm sure everything will be fine." You do your best to reassure her and maybe yourself a bit too.

"I hope so." You slow down when you reach the needle and float alongside it. Jade carefully reaches out and presses a palm against the rock. "It's cold." She says.

"Cold?"

"Yeah, like ice."

"That's interesting I guess. Try to see if there's a switch or something." You move in a slow circle, spinning around the needle and giving Jade a chance to search its surface for any hidden mechanisms.

"So I'm sorry about your girlfriend." Jade blurts randomly.

You falter slightly causing the pair of you to dip a few feet.

"What?"

"Your girlfriend, Vriska, right?" She clarifies even though you didn't need her to. "Dave told me she died. Is that true?"

"Yeah, sort of, I don't know. It's hard to explain." You watch the needle spin lazily as you move around it.

"Oh I see." Jade probably doesn't _see_ at all, which is probably your fault. You aren't doing a very good job of explaining. "Well I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

You resolve to tell her all the confusing, ghostly details later. If there even is a later for you.

"Thanks, Jade. That means a lot."

"Don't mention it. You were there for me with my Grandpa, so I'm here for you now."

"You're Grandpa isn't dead though. We've been through this."

"I know that." She replies forcefully. "I know that Jack Noir just trying to taunt me. It's just that… we've both lost someone, right? One way or another, they're both gone and we might not see them again. Doesn't it make you feel better though, to know that you aren't alone?"

"I guess." You wonder if this is the explanation for Jade's fortitude. The message from Jack Noir was shocking, but it didn't get her down for long. Could it be possible that what she's saying is true? That you can really draw strength from each other simply because you're both alone?

Suddenly, Jade doesn't feel all that heavy.

"You're pretty smart. You know that, Jade?" You say with a smile.

She hums a response and returns her attention to the needle, searching once more. You take advantage of this time and your current vantage point to scan your immediate surroundings. Rose had said it was possible that the game would throw every obstacle, every enemy at you in an attempt to stop The Scratch. However, looking over the LOHAC terrain, you don't see how anything can sneak up on you.

This inhospitable land is covered in lava seas and crisscrossing paths of stone. From the air, you can see anyone coming for miles and it fills you with a little more security to know that the horizons are currently bad guy free. Nevertheless, that could all change as soon as…

"Holy shit, I found it!" Jade squeals.

You crane your neck back to see her hand resting on a metallic lever, looking strangely out of place on the rocky formation. You've all but given up trying to find rational explanations for things. Rose said that a switch would be here and believe it or not, a switch there is. That's good enough for you.

"Well then give it a flip." You say.

"Aye aye, Cap'n." Jade flips the switch and there's a collective pause, as if the whole universe is holding its breath.

Then you're momentarily blinded as a beam of light blasts from the tip of the needle and strikes the edge of The Beat Mesa. You watch in awe, as the needle starts to rotate and twist directing its cutting beam across the surface of the mesa. An angry red line begins to form as the disc is cut, slowing trailing from the edge to the center.

"So that's it, huh?" Jade asks. "We did it?"

"I think so." You look down to see that Rose and Dave have moved out of the beams path and are now watching its progress too.

How long is this going to take? The needle is moving quite slowly, cutting as it goes. If you had to guess, maybe three feet of The Beat Mesa has already been cut, leaving dozens more unscathed before it reaches the opposite side. Maybe you should descend and wait on the ground with the rest of your friends?

No sooner have you begun to descend then all hell breaks loose. Dave shouts something, a loud rumbling sound booms through the air, and the lava far below you begins to churn and swirl with new vigor.

"Uh… What's going on?" Jade doesn't sound nervous, just confused. You have to give her kudos later for staying calm, you're currently about to piss your pants.

"I think this is the game trying to stop us." You say and nod towards the giant monster that has just emerged from the fiery depths below. So much for nothing being able to sneak up on you.

The monster looks roughly like an imp, black skinned and clothed in that ridiculous harlequin attire. The only difference is that this imp is about a billion times bigger than the others and therefore infinitely more threatening. Two more massive imps burst up from the lava sea nearby as well. Isn't that sweet, he brought friends.

"Okay," You begin. "I'm going to drop you off on the ground and…"

You're cut off when something long, dangerous, and blue is extended past your head. Jade's clinging to you with one arm and aiming her harpoon gun with the other.

"Don't get too close and try to keep us steady." She says and even though you can't see her face, you know that she's grinning. "I've been waiting for this for a long time."

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently standing on The Beat Mesa next to Dave, staring up at John and Jade as they try to activate the needle. You're heart is beating at what feels like a thousand miles an hour. It's been running double time ever since that little box came through that hole in the ceiling.

That was really the last thing you needed on weighing on your mind. It feels like you're one more bad situation away from completely snapping mentally. You're fretting over this whole Scratch plan pretty heavily. What if it's another fluke like The Green Sun? What if you're all wiped from existence?

You still need to save your mom, you still need to meet Kanaya face to face, and you still need to tell John that you…

"_Don't do this, Rose."_

Oh my god.

"_Don't scratch us out."_

The voices. They're back again.

You turn to your left and see that Dave is absentmindedly swishing his sword back and forth in agitation. He hasn't noticed the ghostly paleness of your skin or the shortness of your breath. You don't need this right now. The voices are only supposed to come when you're alone, when there's no one else to share your burden.

The Horrorterrors aren't dead, you know that. The Tumor didn't destroy anything, but your dreams. Another source of your anxiety is the possibility that your invisible companions might stay with you for the rest of your life. How are you supposed to escape from them if they no longer disappear in the company of your companions?

You look up at John, flying around with his ecto-sister perched on his shoulders. You wonder if it's possible that…

"_Are you paying attention, Rose? We told you not to do this."_

"Shut up," You mutter as quietly as possible, keeping your eyes on Dave in case he looks your way. "Just shut up and leave me alone."

You know you're weird when you hear voices talk to you. You know you're _insane_ when you start talking back. There's a sick feeling in your stomach. You know that by acknowledging the voices, you give them power. But at this point you really don't know what to do.

You need to distract yourself.

"Hey, Dave." You begin. "Why don't you tell me…"

If you were looking for a distraction, there's no better one than the needle finally coming to life. It fires a beam into the edge of the mesa and begins the arduous process of sawing the massive disc in half. The Scratch has begun.

"Is this supposed to happen?" Dave asks, as he grabs your arm and pulls you away from the center of the mesa.

"Yes," You exhale deeply. "So far everything is going according to plan."

"Yeah, what now? Do we just wait for everything to go to shit?" He's acting really nonchalant. You guess that's just a coping mechanism.

"Apparently the game will do everything in its power to stop The Scratch from happening." You answer. "I think we should prepare for opposition."

"Opposition?" Dave repeats. "I don't see any- HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

You both wheel around and see an absolutely gigantic imp rising slowly from the lava ocean. Thick ropes of molten flame drip from it's head and shoulders, although it remains unaffected. It's easily the most badass thing you've seen in a while. Even Dave seems to be impressed, but then again maybe you're misinterpreting his gaping jaw. He's probably just as terrified as you.

Two more imps rise from the surface, but by that point you've already drawn your wands, ready to fight to the last. Dave grips his sword, looking a little unsure of how effective he'll be against such large foes. You emphasis with him. Compared to the imps, you're knitting needle wands are smaller than toothpicks.

"Looks like Egbert and Harley have got that covered." Dave speaks in a voice higher pitched than usual. You make a mental note to tease him about it later as you look towards your friends once more.

Sure enough, John is closing in fast on the gargantuan imps, whilst Jade lets loose a barrage of what looks like lightening from the end of that absurdly blue harpoon gun. The first imp receives a face full of blue energy and stumbles backwards into his companions. A smirk creeps its way onto your face from the display.

You're friends are quite capable of holding their own. You turn back to the beam, intent on making sure that it's still making progress across the disc, and see that there is plenty to keep you busy down here on the ground. Smaller imps, the likes of which you are much more familiar with, have crawled from the lava and onto the plateau.

"Dave, as fun as it would be to watch the fascinating teamwork displayed by John and Jade, we have our own problems." You draw his attention towards the imps.

"Ladies first?" He twirls his sword around one hand and gestures forward with the other.

"How chivalrous of you." You sneer and blast an imp back into the lava with a well placed spell.

**STRIFE!**

You're not one to boast, but you're quite… proficient at combat. Something about the comfortable weight of your wands in your hands, or the fluidness at which the spells slip from your lips, makes you feel almost at home during the heat of battle.

You remember when you first entered the medium and defended your home from a giant imp, similar to the ones being engaged by John and Jade above you. It had been a slaughter, with you desecrating that imp with extreme prejudice. It had been easy, maybe even a little fun.

A small part of you worries that maybe your blood lust is the reason that the Horrorterrors were so attracted to you. That and your interest in the Zoologically Dubious. The psychologist in you says that your combative inclinations are in part due to your desire to have control over something in your life.

You decide to not dissect your own brain at the moment. There's nothing in there you want to see.

One flick of your wrist sends two more imps flipping head over heel. To your left Dave cleaves an imp in two and then turns to you.

"Hey, Lalonde. What do you call an imp that's from…"

"Don't care," You cut him off. "Shut up and fight."

He seems a little put out, but he goes back to hacking and slashing anyways. If he wanted a fight _and_ a chat, then he should have flown up with John. You're too distracted by spell weaving and keeping the sinister voices at bay to listen to Dave's shitty jokes.

A sudden gust of wind almost sweeps you off your feet. You look up to see that John is using his persuasion over the wind to whip up a few tornados. An interesting and effective tactic considering that the last two giants are now being buffeted by gale force winds. You watch them try to simultaneously shield themselves from Jade's relentless onslaught with her rifle and keep their footing. Eventually they fall and do not rise again.

With a rare grin, you turn and blow a hole through the last smaller imp's chest, sending it tumbles over the edge of The Beat Mesa. Dave just finished shoving an imp into the beam of the needle, where it was quickly incinerated, and is now jogging up to your side.

"That wasn't so bad, huh?" He huffs, leaning against his sword.

"Famous last words." You warn, before investigating the progress of The Scratch. The needle has made it almost halfway through the disc, having finally reached the center. A few more minutes and the process will be complete. Then… whatever happens will happen.

A hard _thud_ draws your attention to your left. John and Jade have decided to rejoin you.

"Whooo! Did you guys see that?!" Jade whoops and leaps from John's shoulders. She runs up to Dave and half tackles, half hugs him. "John was all like _whoosh_ and I was all like _pew pew motherfuckin pew_!"

Dave laughs. He actually _laughs_ and returns her hug.

"That was some shooting, Harley. Did you see me gut that one imp?" He nods towards a nearby corpse.

"Oh ew. I must have missed that WHEN I WAS BEING AWESOME!"

You leave them to catch up and turn to John. He's not looking at you though, or even Jade and Dave for that matter, he's looking out over the lava ocean. You follow his gaze and gasp, despite yourself.

There are two small specks quickly growing bigger and bigger. Two shapes that looks terribly humanoid and terribly dangerous. You already know what they are, or better yet: _who_ they are.

"Uh, guys. We aren't done yet." John says, raising his hammer.

Dave and Jade turn away from each other, see who's coming, and instantly all smiles are gone.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Dave shoves Jade away and steps towards the edge of The Beat Mesa. "You all run, I'll hold them off."

"Fuck that! We aren't going anywhere!" Jade barks, grabbing his arm. "We need a plan! John?!"

Your Friendleader appears to be thinking hard. There isn't much time left though. Your enemies are closing in fast.

"We can't fight," John blurts. "We have to just… stall them. Jade you have that rifle and Rose has the wands, keep them away from the needle. Dave you need to…"

Whatever it is that Dave needs to do, you'll probably never find out, because Bro has just suddenly landed in an awesome crouch right in front of you. His traveling companion, Jack Noir, zips right over your head, collides with the needle, and rips it out of place with a deafening _crunch_ and a shower of rock.

It's all over. You've failed.

"_Good work, Rose."_

Bro lunges forward, sword whistling through the air, straight for John. You open your mouth to scream, to warn him, to fire a spell, to do anything useful. However, your body doesn't seem to be working. You're about to watch him be killed right in front of your eyes… again.

You mouth starts to work.

"NO!" You scream.

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are now Jade Harley. Shit's hitting the fan like nobody's business.

Jack Noir has just destroyed the needle and halted The Scratch process. You caught a glimpse of his new look and your pretty sure that you recognized Bec's signature muzzle instead of a human face, but Jack Noir was gone before you could be certain. Now you don't know where he is.

You're inclined to care less about Jack Noir's whereabouts though and more about Dave's Bro. He's lunging towards John, ready to impale your ecto-brother like a piece of cheese on a toothpick. You're not about to let that happen.

You line up your sights, Rose screams something, and you squeeze down on the trigger. When you had first fired your new, sweet, blue rifle you'd been surprised to find that it turned out to be more of a lightening gun than a harpoon gun. Surprised, but not disappointed.

The bolt of lightning you're currently firing flies straight and true, dead set on blasting Bro off of his feet and away from John. Then there's another flash of silver and you lightning bolt is deflected off into open air.

Dave stands between you and his Bro, poised to block another one of your electric missiles.

"What the fuck?!" You cry. "Get out of the way, Dave!"

You try and get a clear shot, but Dave does a good job of blocking you again.

"He's not a killer! He just needs help! Let me…" Dave is interpreted by an ear splitting _clang._

John and Bro have just clashed, hammer to sword. Rose has stopped screaming, much to your pleasure, and is now firing blind spell after blind spell in Bro's general direction. John is retreating across The Beat Mesa, trying to put distance between himself and Bro. However, the master-ninja-badass-ultimate is not easily avoided. You know that from experience.

"I'm not going to let our friends die!" You roar at Dave. "Move your fat ass before I move it for you!"

"Just let me talk to him. He's being brainwashed!"

You understand how Dave is feeling, but seriously now is not the time for this bullshit. You take a step towards him, but before you can give him as much of a high five the whole ground jumps up towards the sky. You lose touch with the floor and then next thing you know, your knees are buckling as your feet slam back down again.

You tip to the side and the glossy black surface of the mesa rises up to meet you. A sharp pain explodes up your left arm and you realize a second too late that you've caught yourself with your injured hand. You scream and roll onto your side just as the ground decides to take another leap.

It's like you're at the mercy on a trampoline built out of solid concrete, being tossed willy-nilly without any form of consent. In short: it sucks a lot. You grip your rifle tightly in your good hand, determined to keep a solid grip on it as the ground develops a mind of its own.

There are screams and shouts and _cracks_ that cause you to wince. With the next bounce, you catch a glimpse of John floating above the ground, locked in an aerial battle with Bro and Rose struggling to get to her feet and shrieking something that sounds like 'run, run, run'.

That sounds like really nice advice for you. When you come in contact with the ground again, you immediately get your legs underneath yourself and push yourself forward. Dave is crawling on his hands and knees to your left, making his way towards the center of the mesa where John and Bro are dueling fiercely.

"Bro!" Dave shouts. "Come on, man. I know you can hear me!"

The ground shudders again and you stumble.

"This isn't you, Bro! I know you and this isn't you!"

Bro ricochet's off the ground like the most graceful dancer and swings his sword at John, barely missing your ecto-brother's head by inches.

"Jack Noir is a total douche! I know you can fight him off, Bro. You just got to try."

John barely blocks a next attack and Bro is on him before he can even attempt a parry. This fight is only going to end one way and you can guess that dying trying to defend The Scratch is most likely a heroic death. Basically: John wouldn't come back without a little help.

You aren't going to risk him. You make your choice.

"Jade!" Dave is yelling again. "Jade, what are you doing?!"

You pull the trigger and fire a bolt of lightning straight towards Bro. It's a perfect shot, straight and true and you're a hundred percent sure that you're going to hit your target, at least until Dave jumps in the way.

The bolt strikes Dave right in the chest and sends him flipping through the air towards the edge of the platform. Without thinking, you drop your rifle and leap after him. He's dead, you already know that. You have only one chance to bring him back now.

His shades are still on his face. Was there any ever doubt? Those dumb things are always glued to his head. A trickle of blood drips from the corner of his mouth, but you ignore that. There's no time to lose. You don't pause. You press your lips to his.

The ground jumps beneath you again and you rise off the ground once more. You pull away from Dave, but cradle him in your arms to keep him from bouncing around too much. Someone is still yelling and you guess that it's Rose.

You look up from Dave's eternally stoic face and freeze on the spot. Bro is standing right above you, gazing down at his own motionless brother, completely protected behind his pointed shades. You don't know where John is or if he's even still alive. You just look up at Bro, while he looks down at you.

"Well?"You demand. "What do you want?"

Bro doesn't respond. A vein in his temple pulses violently and it looks as if he's shaking slightly. You don't know for sure though, since the whole world seems to be wobbling like a top. You wait for him to kill you or chop off something else that's attatached to you or any other number of horrible things.

He just stands there and stares.

You feel Dave stir in your arms, coughing up another dribble of blood and shifting uneasily. It won't be long until he's conscious again. The cough Dave uttered seems to have snapped Bro out of whatever staring competition he'd set upon himself. The older Strider turns tail and runs before you can so much as blink.

"Yeah!" You shout after him. "You better run, fuckass!"

He leaps from the edge of the mesa and disappears from your sight. You know that it's too much to hope that he'll land in the lava and die, but a girl can dream right?

A pair of hands grab your shoulders and you shriek in surprise.

"Is he okay?" It's John and he's looking as battered and as bloody as you've ever seen him.

"Yeah. Are _you _okay?" The words are barely out of your mouth before John is grabbing Dave under the arm and hauling him upright. You follow, stumbling to your feet and grab Dave's other arm. Between the two of you, he is still as limp as a wet noodle.

"We're getting out of here. This whole mission was an unmitigated disaster." John turns from you. "Rose! Come on!"

You hear the _pitter patter_ of footsteps and you hope that it's the last quarter of your party instead of Bro or more imps or…

"Where's Jack Noir?" You ask, as you and John start dragging Dave towards the stone path leading away from the mesa.

"I don't know. He wrecked the needle and just took off like…"

The ground shakes again and John's words are drowned out by the loudest sound you think you've ever heard. That's saying something too. You've had to put up with Rose's incessant screams for the past ten minutes or so.

You and John both come to a stop and cast about wildly for the source of the noise.

"Is it just me, or are we moving?" It's Rose and you quickly decide that it is _not_ 'just her'.

You, John, Dave, Rose, and the entire Scratch site, are rising into the air. The path you'd used to enter the mesa falls away, along with everything else as the smoky sky draws closer. You turn to look at John, but he's just as confused as you are. You turn to Rose next and she's as white as a ghost, stricken with fear and sudden understanding.

"It's Jack Noir," She mutters, realization lighting up her pale face. "He's- he's taking the Scratch?"

She says it more like a question, even though it's probably the answer. Is Jack Noir really strong enough to rip The Beat Mesa out of the ground and fly away with it? It's certainly looking that way at the moment.

That explains all that bouncing and shaking earlier. It was Jack Noir trying to peel the earth like a rocky orange. Now that he's succeeded, he seems determined to take you and the whole construct… somewhere. You don't really want to find out.

Apparently neither does John.

"Alright, everyone grab on!" He yells.

You comply immediately, slinging Dave's lanky arm over your shoulders and reaching behind him to grab a fistful of John's lengthy god tier hood. Rose is on John's other side, wrapping her arms around his neck in a death grip. You hope she doesn't strangle your ecto-brother mid-flight. That would be a shitty way for all of you to fall to your deaths.

"Oh shit! My rifle!" You remember your discarded weapon. "Dave's sword too!"

"Fuck em!" John replies. "I'll totally buy you guys new ones if we get out of this mess."

You doubt there's a gun/sword store anywhere in the medium or that John has enough money for a stick of gum, but you just pout and hold onto John without any more complaint. You can bitch about the loss of your second rifle in as many days when you aren't at risk of sliding off a giant CD and falling into a lava ocean.

A strong wind whips and tugs at your hair and clothes and you guess that John is trying to lift all of you. Can he do it? You know that he offered to take you all up before, but maybe he was just bluffing then, trying to impress you. It seems unlikely. John may be known for showmanship, but he's not the type to attempt inflating his ego more than he should.

You feet come off the ground again, but this time you're more thankful than worried. As you rise, The Beat Mesa rushes underneath you, flying forward towards some unknown destination as you hover high in the air.

As The Scratch Site pulls further away from your floating group, you are afforded a glance of Jack Noir, carrying the whole thing on his shoulders and beating his dark wings like two pistons. His wolfish face fills you with an emotion you recognize as disgust. You'll make him pay for Bec and everything he's ever done one of these days.

"Uh… So what now?" John sounds about as unsure as you feel.

"I think that golden ship over there seems like as good a place to land as any." Rose responds.

You look to see what the hell she's talking about and do a double take when you catch sight of _the_ golden yellow airship, which you crashed earlier, slowly gliding beneath you. John descends quickly, a little too quickly, and you all crumple in a teenaged heap on the deck of the ship.

You really hope it's being piloted by friends instead of enemies. You really aren't in the mood to fight anyone at the moment.

"Well, well, well," Snarls a voice full of malice. You breathe a sigh of relief. The voice continues. "If you bulge slurpers are done fucking everything up, maybe you'll actually listen to us this time.

You raise your head and smile.

"It's good to see you too, Karkat!"

**END OF ACT TWO.**

* * *

**The Green Sun didn't work and The Scratch was interrupted before it could be completed. Thus ends act two of our little story. Next chapter will be the first intermission, which is exciting I guess. I have a lot more stuff planned for this story, so stick around if you're interested.**

**For those who comment: What's some good writing music that I could listen to? I have a couple of the Homestuck albums like The Felt and Strife, but I'm looking for other stuff.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	16. INT 1 - PART 1

**Chapter 16**

**Thanks to cheezebuns for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you've just been through a rather unfortunate set of horrendous experiences. Not only was The Scratch interrupted, but it was stolen by your arch nemesis and taken Gog knows where. Dave's Bro also gave you a good pounding too, let's not forget about that.

Now, to cool down after all that heated asshole rumpus, you're being chewed out by Karkat. This is really the last thing you're in the mood for.

"I mean, seriously?!" The troll splutters. "I should have known that humans can't be trusted with even the simplest of tasks, such as flipping a damn switch for example! You weren't even going to look for us were you?! You were just going to fuck everything up all on your own. I should beat your blue ass for running off like that! Completely irresponsible!"

Something about the way he's scolding you, like you're his son or something, really grates on your nerves. You let him vent though. It's best that he gets it out of his system while everyone else is resting elsewhere.

You and Karkat are standing on the deck of the golden ship, mere minutes after your impromptu crash landing. Dave, Rose, and Jade are below deck somewhere eating and sleeping and being safe. Just the way you like it.

The rest of the trolls are milling about somewhere, simply being morose by the looks of it. There are a lot less of them now than there were earlier. It seems that Karkat, Terezi, Kanaya, Aradia, Nepeta, and Equius are the only ones left now.

Karkat is still yapping at you, but you aren't really listening. You aren't even looking at him. The golden ship is floating lazily over LOHAC and you're just leaning against the railing, watching smoky clouds undulate around you. You're pretty wrapped up in your own thoughts.

You're thinking about the trolls and your friends and… well a lot of stuff really. The trolls just seem so sad now. Something about the way they all look at each other, reminds you of the way you sometimes catch your friends looking at each other. It's a look that says: "Welp, it seems we're the only ones left". It's a kind of depressing.

Last time you saw Dave, he seemed to be alright, if a little pissed off. Jade had taken a pot shot at his Bro to save your life and although she had missed her mark, your life had still been spared. As soon as Dave was accidentally tagged, Bro had abandoned you in favor of watching Jade smooch Dave.

A little weird you suppose, but you're inclined to take Bro's strange behavior as confirmation that his murderous actions are not consensual. Whatever spell Jack Noir cast over him has a major chink in its metaphorical armor, and that chink's name is Dave.

Bro won't kill his own brother and it seems that watching Dave die was enough to get him to shrug off Jack Noir's influence, however temporarily, and head for the hills. You don't know where Bro is right now. You just hope that he isn't going to come after you again anytime soon. That dude packs a major punch.

"JOHN EGBERT HUMAN! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!"

Oh, right. Karkat.

"Psshh. Of course I am." You scoff. "You were just ripping me a new asshole, right?"

"You're damn right I was!" Karkat slams his fist on the railing for emphasis. "You have really screwed up here, John."

"I know." You sigh and hang your head over the edge of the ship. The warm breeze is somewhat comforting. "I apologize for running off to save Rose. There just wasn't any chance that I was going to leave her to die. Everything that happened after that is kind of not my fault though. We really just got dealt a bad hand."

"Oh, really?" He snarls. "You may feel comfortable chalking everything up to bad luck, but I'm a little bit more rational than that. Someone has been playing you like a human fiddle."

"You think so? Who?"

"Jack Noir is an obvious suspect."

"Do you think he could have been feeding Rose and Kanaya wrong information?"

"It's possible. He's been conversing with Eridan for ages apparently." Karkat mimes wringing someone's neck. "If I could just get my hands on that piece of fish slime."

"That might be harder than you think. Eridan's dead." You say, and then amend yourself. "Well, he's probably dead. We don't know for sure."

"Clarification." Karkat snaps. "Now!"

All of the trolls had noticed the presence of The Green Sun now hanging in the sky. However, now you take the chance to actually explain the series of events that lead to its creation. You leave out the part about Rose killing you, bypassing your conversation with Vriska completely. For the time being, you'll keep that little tale under your hat. You hope Roes does the same.

When you're finished, Karkat's face is uncharacteristically blank. He looks at you oddly.

"You… threw Eridan in the pit?"

"Well, yeah." You rub the back of your neck. "It seemed like the only thing to do."

Karkat doesn't say anything for a second and you wonder if maybe his vengeful words against Eridan were as hollow as your chest feels at the moment. Maybe killing Eridan wasn't as cold cut as you thought? You suppose that you're sort of partially responsible for the endangerment of the troll species now.

"Okay, well…" Karkat thinks for a few more seconds. "I don't think that Jack Noir would have put Eridan there to guard to portal if he didn't think that The Tumor would do some damage. If he knew what The Tumor did, he wouldn't have tried to stop you, am I right?"

"That makes sense. So you think that someone else is working against us? Who else is there?"

"I don't know." Karkat exhales heavily and you notice for the first time just how tired he looks.

"Hey, man. Why don't you go take a nap or something?" You prod gently. "We can catch up later."

"No we most certainly can not." Karkat straightens up. "There's more shit we need to discuss."

"Such as?"

"Such as what we do next."

The path ahead seems pretty straight forward to you.

"Well we should go get The Scratch back from Jack Noir, right? Then, once we have it back, we can reset the game for real."

"Oh, sure. Let's just walk up to Jack Noir's castle and knock on the door. Maybe if we ask nicely he'll just hand it over with a pat on the head and a kiss on the cheek." Karkat scoffs and mutters something that sounds very similar to '_idiot'_ under his breath.

"Well we can't just float around here forever!" You gesture around the golden air ship. "Speaking of which, how did you guys get this thing?"

"We found it, dipshit. Apparently you're as bad at flying as you are at pretty much everything else. Equius fixed it in about thirty seconds and then we made a bee line straight for The Scratch Site, hoping to join up with you guys. We all know how that worked out."

"Equius is pretty good with machines, huh?"

"Yeah he's the best," Karkat takes up position next to you on the railing. "Him and Sollux were building a new rocket car when…"

He trails off and you look at him, he avoids your gaze.

"If you don't mind me asking," You begin cautiously. "What happened?"

"A lot of shit, John. Just… a lot of shit." He drags his hand down his face, stretching the skin. "People I cared about died. People that didn't deserve to die and… I guess some that did."

"I'm sorry."

"It's whatever."

There's an awkward silence now, hanging in the air like a bad odor.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You ask.

"I just did."

"No, I mean like your feelings and stuff."

Karkat looks at you like you're a particularly disgusting looking bug he'd just stomped on.

"I'm sorry!" You blurt quickly. "It's just… Fuck, I'm really bad at this."

"Yeah, you _really_ are." He rolls his eyes towards the sky. "Look, John. There's something going on right now between us."

"Wh- what?!"

"Not between you and me, shithead. I mean, between me and the other trolls." He lowers his voice. "You remember Gamzee, right?" You nod and he continues. "Well, he killed a few people and someone, in revenge, killed him. I need to find out whom."

"It was someone on this boat?" You look over your shoulder.

Equius is steering the ship, with Nepeta bouncing around him, Aradia is sitting by herself near the opposite railing, and Terezi and Kanaya are somewhere below deck with your friends.

"Yeah, I'm positive."

"You don't think it could have been anyone else?"

"No. Eridan had already left by then and Vriska…" He shoots you a quick look and his eyes dart away even quicker. "Uhhh…."

"I know she's dead, Karkat."

More awkward silence. Then he sighs heavily once again.

"Thank fucking Jegus." He breathes. "I thought I almost dropped a total shit bomb on your head. Well anyways, as I was saying: Vriska was _super_ dead by then. So it couldn't have been anyone else, besides the ones on this ship."

"Gamzee couldn't have… you know. Done it himself?" It's a grim thought, but you're trying to be helpful.

"No, no, no." Karkat waves his hand as if he can physically bat away the notion. "He was definitely murdered, stabbed in his fucking sleep."

Another thought strikes you and although you don't really want to say it, but you feel obligated somehow.

"Uh, Terezi has a cane sword."

"Good observation, John. Give yourself a gold star." Karkat rolls his eyes again.

If eye rolling was an Olympic event, Karkat would be a gold medalist. Rose would probably be his coach.

"Well maybe she did it." You don't feel all too good about accusing Karkat's girlfriend or whatever, but he doesn't get angry at the suggestion, just uncomfortable.

"You think I haven't considered that? Every one of my friends is a potential cold blooded murderer. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"No."

"Of course you don't, and to answer your flimsy reasoning: anyone could have picked up a knife and stuck him. I can't base my accusations off of signature weapons alone. I already got my ass handed to me by jabbing my finger a little too quickly." He shoots a glance at Aradia, whose still sitting alone, statuesque.

"Well what are you going to do?"

"That's none of your concern. I'm just letting you know the situation. I'll handle my people and you handle yours and that's that, understood?"

"No, it's not understood." You shift to face Karkat more fully. "We're in this together, aren't we? We'll have to work together to get The Beat Mesa back."

"What the fuck is that?"

"Oh, I mean The Scratch. Jack Noir has it, wherever he is, and we'll need to team up to get it back."

"One," Karkat holds up a finger. "We know where Jack Noir is. And two," another finger is raised. "We're teaming up, yes, but that doesn't mean you can stick your flabby pink nose wherever you want. Troll business is troll business, now am I understood?"

"Understood." You concede defeat on that front. You'd rather not get involved in sloppy investigations anyways. "So where is Jack Noir now?"

"In LOLAR."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he has another castle there. We flew over it on the way to The Scratch Site."

"Are you serious?" You groan. "What the hell?! Does this guy have a shitty castle in every land?"

"Yeah, he does. We're not going to worry about his real estate habits though. We need to figure out a way to get The Scratch back."

"We can't just fight our way in and grab it?" You ask. "I mean, I know it'll be dangerous, but Dave and I got into his castle on LOWAS with no problem."

"He _wanted_ you to get in then though. This time he has something to protect. It won't be as easy."

"But if we work together, we can do anything!" You smile then and Karkat scowls back. "While we're talking about it, what will happen after we finish The Scratch, anyways?"

"The game will reset."

"Yeah, I got that part, but what happens to us? Will we be wiped? Whatever that means."

"Fuggh." Karkat leans forward and buries his head in his hands. "I don't fucking know, John. I just boss people around. I don't figure things out. You'd better ask Kanaya."

"Ask Kanaya, what?" Both you and Karkat jump about three feet in the air, when a smooth voice speaks from behind you. You turn around to find that it is, in fact, Kanaya who had spoken.

"Hey, Kanaya." You smile at her, genuinely happy to see the stylish troll once again.

"Hello, John." She returns your smile, flashing her sharp looking fangs. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you asked me to report back to you Karkat."

The leader of the trolls waves his hand somewhat nonchalantly, but apparently Kanaya takes that as a cue to give her report. She straightens up, folds her hands delicately in front of her stomach, and speaks in that clear tone of hers. It's hard to describe Kanaya's voice accurately, _'smooth'_ is close enough, but it's almost _hypnotizing_ to you.

You don't know why you like her voice so much. Maybe it's another one of your kinks? You doubt that's normal. You'll keep that to yourself.

"Rose, Dave, and Jade have been attended to and are now resting. I've set up an Alchemiter below deck, where Terezi is currently working to alchemize some supplies." She nods over her shoulder towards the steering-wheel-area. You are unfamiliar with boats and the terminology associated with they're different parts. "Equius is setting a course towards Jack Noir's castle on LOLAR and at our current speed we should reach it in about four days."

"Four days?" You ask before Karkat can speak. "Why so long?"

"The ship was damaged by crashing," Kanaya explains. "Equius did his best, but its engines aren't what they used to be. Walking would be faster, but if we want to carry our supplies and remain undetected, then flying is the best bet."

"How will remain undetected? This thing is like a golden shining beacon, isn't it?"

"You think it's painted this color for shits and giggles?!" Karkat snaps. "This is Alternian Exo-Paint. I didn't recognize it earlier, since it's so rare on our home planet, but now we know. Jack Noir won't be able to sense us coming until we've already flown up his ass."

"Well that's good then." You brighten. "I don't know what you're so worried about. If we all work together on an awesome stealth attack, then we're pretty much guaranteed to succeed."

"You'd think that for someone who'd just gotten the shit clobbered out of them for about the hundredth time, you'd be a little bit more cautious." Karkat turns back to Kanaya. "Thanks for the update, Kan."

"Of course," She nods. "But I am not finished yet."

"Well, what else is there?"

"With all that's been happening I'm not surprised that it slipped your mind. Tomorrow is Twelfth Perigee's Eve, Karkat."

An expression of shock dominates Karkat's typically frustrated features. He stares at Kanaya like she has two heads and you watch her shuffle uncomfortably under his gaze. Eventually, Karkat groans and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"We don't have time for this!" He cries, throwing his head back.

You are confused.

"I am confused." You say. "What don't we have time for? What's Twelfth Perigee's Eve?"

"One of our traditional Alternian holidays." Kanaya explains. "It occurs every twelve perigees, or once a sweep. It's been… difficult to keep an accurate calendar in the medium, but I'm almost positive that it's tomorrow."

"What do you guys do?" You're enraptured by the prospect of learning more about troll culture. It's pretty interesting in your opinion. "To celebrate, I mean."

"Well typically, a troll will decorate their hive and their lusus might erect a behemoth leaving in the main room. However, since we can do neither of those things here, there are other traditions required, especially amongst a group this large."

"Alright I'm confused again." You admit.

"Fuh. Listen, John." Karkat crosses his arms like he's about to '_school_' you. "What you need to understand is that trolls aren't usually very social. We're nocturnal, we live alone in our hives, and we play video games all day. It's not normal for so many trolls our age to be in one place together for so long."

"It's a very special occasion." Kanaya adds. "Made even more significant because it is also Karkat's wriggling day."

"Is that like…" You wrack your brains. "Is that like your birthday or something?"

"My what?" Karkat acts like he's defending himself against a nasty accusation.

"You're birthday. The anniversary of the day of your birth."

"I don't know." Karkat looks to his second in command again. "Is that the same thing?"

"I would say so." Kanaya nods. "Rose supplied me with some rudimentary learning materials pertaining to human culture, texts and such."

"Okay, well happy early birthday buddy." You slap Karkat on the back and he shoots you a look that says _'touch me with your human hand again and you'll be pulling back a nub'_. You decide to press on with this conversation. "I still don't understand what you guys are supposed to _do_. How is this a big waste of time? Just pass out some presents or something and then everyone's happy."

"Were you listening to anything we were saying?" Karkat snarls. "It's a big fucking deal and as much as I would like to bypass the whole thing, I doubt everyone would agree." He shoots a look over to Aradia again. "And tensions are already running pretty high."

"To answer your question, John." Kanaya addresses you. "For a celebration such as this, a Mlpuia Jive is required."

"A Mullpeeuh what?"

"A _Mlpuia_ Jive." She repeats, as if that explains anything.

"What is that? Like a dance or something?"

"It is _the_ dance, John." Kanaya's eyes light up two jade light bulbs. Literally her skin is like… glowing. "Every young troll girl dreams of the day where some dashing rouge or rougette will whisk them off their feet and escort them to a Mlpuia Jive."

Several things rush through your head: Is rougette even the correct term for a female rouge? You've always thought that 'rouge' was pretty gender friendly. Will _you_ be forced to dance? You haven't gone to something like this since your freshmen mixer (you went stag, which basically meant that Sarah completely rejected your invitation, but that's a tale for another time). And finally, you have to agree with Karkat. This sounds like a complete waste of time.

"This is really important, huh?" You ask, a little sheepishly. You don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but spending time, throwing a party, seems like a bad idea. "Like is it _super_ important?"

"Well it is tradition." Kanaya defends. "And I think it would be a good way to boost morale. It's up to you though, Karkat. It is your wriggling day after all."

Karkat looks from Kanaya to you, then back to Kanaya again. The female troll is chewing her lip nervously and your slightly worried that one of her fangs might puncture and draw blood. It's obvious that she wants this Mulligan dance or Mullipania Jive to happen and when you look to Karkat, you think that maybe he might want it too.

"We… it can't…"Karkat seems to be struggling. "Kanaya I don't… Fuck, just don't take this too far, okay?"

Kanaya grins and it catches you off guard how excited she is. She looks as if Christmas day has come early, which for all you know, it might just have.

"Oh there is so much to do!" She gushes. "There's decorations and food and…" Her beautiful eyes grow wide. "_Outfits_." She gasps. "I'll let everyone know what's happening." She says before dashing off.

"Wait!" You call after her, but she's already disappeared below deck. "Fuck. In all this dance talk I forgot to ask about The Scratch."

"You can ask her later." Karkat leans against the railing, looking more exhausted than ever. "So I guess this is happening, huh?"

"You told her that it was, yeah."

Karkat nods and the pair of you lapse into silence for the next few minutes. It's night time now. Both of the suns have faded away giving way to a single, solitary moon. For the first time, in a long time, you feel almost peaceful. Then Karkat speaks.

"So uh, who are you going to ask?

"What?" You respond.

"To the Mlpuia Jive. You can't exactly go by yourself. The whole point of the thing is to have a partner."

"You mean like… a date?" Your mouth feels suddenly dry.

"No, don't be an idiot." Karkat jabs. "It's not some excuse to mack on whoever you like, it's an age old ceremony meant to promote unity." He pauses for a second. "Although, some of the meaning behind the ceremony fades after a while, the principal is still the same. I think."

Karkat sounds unsure where the purity of his party is concerned. You don't blame him, a whole bunch of teenagers pairing up and participating in some party certainly sounds like another asshole rumpus to you.

"Who are you going to take?" You ask. "Terezi's your girlfriend, right?"

"Do you have piss for brains, John? Terezi and I are _not _together, in any meaning of the word." He glares at you. "And whoever I take is none of your business anyways."

"Hey, you asked me!"

"Well you didn't exactly answer, did you? And I just want to make sure that you're not harboring any hidden feelings for any of us." His face suddenly goes very serious. "I don't want this to be a night of drama and shit, okay? Humans stay with Humans and Trolls stay with Trolls. Is that understood?"

"I can't take Jade," You mumble. "She's my sister and Rose is…"

"To smart for you? Yeah, no doubt." Karkat leers at you. "I'd suggest that you take Strider, but I don't want you to get offended, since you're _not a homosexual_ and all that."

"I won't get offended. I just don't swing that way." You cross your arms, feeling confident in your position as an individual accepting of all walks of life.

"Whatever, just keep in mind what I said: no interspecies couplings."

"You got it." You shoot him two thumb ups to show that you're serious. A thought strikes you. "Hey Karkat, why don't you take Nepeta?"

Karkat spends the next three minutes expertly pantomiming a scenario where he gags, chokes to death, and is resurrected, before dying again.

"Is that answer enough for you?!" He turns on his heel and stalks away.

Yes, Karkat. Yes it is.

* * *

= Be Kanaya Maryam

You are now Kanaya Maryam. Today is the greatest day of your life.

Honestly you're a little surprised that Karkat had given you permission to throw this Mlpuia Jive in celebration of both Twelfth Perigee's Eve and his own wriggling day. What with all of your friends dying, the urgent mission to reinitiate The Scratch, and the search for Gamzee's killer, you'd have thought there wouldn't be time for any party, no matter how sacred it was.

Maybe you just caught him in a good mood? Or maybe he's ready to have some actual fun for once? You don't know and frankly you really don't care.

You sit down in a chair before the Alchemiter you'd installed and begin to work. _This _is what you're good at. Colors, fabrics, all sorts of materials are at your disposal with this miracle machine. Your fingers are like the nimblest of needles piecing together anything your creative mind can fathom.

Within minutes, you are finished and you lean back to admire your handiwork. It's beautiful, if you don't say so yourself. It's been established that you have an eye for fashion, but sometimes you still manage to surprise yourself.

With the easy part done, all that's left is the difficult part.

"You can do this." You pump yourself up. "You're a classy vampire fashion queen. There's nothing you can't do. Just go up to her and say…"

"Kanaya?"

You give a very unlady-like shriek and nearly slip from you chair. You're head whips around quickly and you're suddenly face to face with your surprise visitor.

"Hello, Rose." You smile in what you hope is a pleasant way and not a totally creepy way. Damn these insufferable pricks you have for fangs.

"What are you doing?" The human girl doesn't even give you a chance before she's stepping closer to you, trying to get a peek at what you've just created.

You're half tempted to hide your masterpiece from her stunning yet prying eyes, but it's already too late. She slowly reaches down and runs her slim fingers over the soft fabric.

"It's beautiful." She says with a sly wink. "I'm sure you'll look simply ravishing in it."

"It's… well," You feel heat creep up into your cheeks. In a few seconds you're probably be glowing like a mid morning sun. You aren't prepared for this. She caught you off guard, but now you're talking.

"I made it for you." You blurt before you can stop yourself.

Dammit.

Rose genuinely seems to be a little shocked. Her black painted lips hang open slightly and she reaches out to caress the fabric again.

"You really shouldn't have."A smile begins to form. "If you thought I needed a change of clothes, you could have just said so."

You take a second to examine her bedraggled state. Her dress is ripped in several places, covered in blood and what looks like vomit, and honestly she kind of smells. You'll have that fixed soon enough though.

"You misinterpret my act of kindness for some passive aggressive statement against your appearance?" You chuckle. "Do you ever take anything at face value, Rose?"

"I'm well aware that sometimes a cigar is simply a cigar," She pulls the dress from your lap and holds it up to her chest. It's an orange affair with delicate line patterns, modest but with a modern flair, at least that's what you think. "It's just, more often than not, not everything is as it meets the eye."

"Hmmm." You hum absentmindedly, watching the bright orange clash horribly with her black dress.

"Is there a particular reason for this gift? Is this just a peace offering between members of different species?"

"There's a party tomorrow." You brush some of your cropped black hair off of your shoulder and turn back to the Alchemiter, pretending not to be interested. "I've taken it upon myself to decorate, plan, and make sure that everyone doesn't show up in paper bags."

"A party?" Rose laughs and your hand slips slightly on a switch. "Is this really the time and place for such things as _parties_?"

"It's a rather special occasion actually." You then explain Twelfth Pedigree's Eve, Karkat's Birthday, the Mlpuia Jive, and the significance of the circumstances. "The Mlpuia Jive is uncommon, most trolls only attend one their entire lifetime. It would be a good way to raise morale and… well since…"

"Since you're the only trolls left," Rose picks up where you trail off. "You feel more obligated than ever to follow your cultural traditions. I understand." She folds her new dress delicately over her arm. "I would be more than honored to wear this dress to the Mlpuia Jive. Thank you, Kanaya."

She turns to leave and with her: you're only chances of having a date to the dance that you actually _want_. You stand up, somewhat awkwardly because of your haste.

"Rose." You say. She stops and turns around, eyebrow quirked and smirk drawn, as if she knows exactly what you're going to say. "We're supposed to have partners to the Mlpuia Jive."

"Mhmm."

You're going to ask her. You're really going to do it.

"Would you like to go with me?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"_Yes_."

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed."

You're knees feel a little shaky and you're just standing here looking at each other. The lower deck of the golden ship is dived up into separate rooms. This you're thankful for. If anyone else was watching this horribly awkward exchange you would probably die from embarrassment.

Eventually Rose laughs and pats the dress you made her once again, lightly as if she's afraid she'll break it.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kanaya." She turns and disappears out the door. You sigh heavily and turn back to your chair, only to stop when Rose pokes her head back in. "Oh and by the way, it's nice to finally meet you in person."

Then she's gone and you're left sitting in front of the Alchemiter, grinning like an idiot.

* * *

**This is stupid, but screw it, this is happening. I don't know how long this intermission is going to last, but it will cover the entire Mlpuia Jive (which is something I just made up). I'm not an expert on Troll holidays or anything. I only know what's in the comic, so there's that. After the intermission is over, we'll get back to the main quest.**

**Thanks for sticking with me guys. Thanks for reading too.**  
**- Mike**


	17. INT 1 - PART 2

**Chapter 17**

**Thanks to Mouse and cheezebuns for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too. All those times before, where you wanted to chill out and you couldn't, can go straight to hell. Right now, you're finally getting the chance to kick back and sip on some… wait for it… MOTHERFUCKIN AJ!

Damn, this juice of the apple is so booty-poppin-good you might just go into a delicious, fruity coma. A coma from whence you might never recover, one where you don't even _want_ to recover. Never in your life would you have thought that AJ would still exist after the world was destroyed.

So just imagine your surprise, when you regain consciousness on the surface of the golden airship, head below deck, and find a comely troll with a tall glass of AJ waiting for you. It's like Christmas, New Years Eve, and all kinds of other holidays you can't think of right now rolled into one.

The chair creaks dangerously as you lean back in it, twisting your neck to the side to look at the aforementioned, comely troll named Terezi.

"I gotta hand it to you, Tz." You raised the glass in an ironic toast. "This might be the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

"Oh I'm sure you say that to all the girls. Hehe." She smiles at you. It's full of sharp teeth and double entendre, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

"All joking aside, serious question time right here. How the hell did you find this stuff?" You take another sip.

"I didn't find it, Dave. I made it!"

You gag on the sweet nectar.

"What do you mean: _you made it_?" You demand. "Trolls don't have some weird organ that secretes this stuff do they? That would totally kill my mood right now."

An image of Terezi, squatting over a glass, fills your mind and now your stomach feels like it's on fire.

"HAHAHA!" She shrieks with laughter and almost slides off of her chair from the oppressive weight of her mirth. "Don't be stupid. I _alchemized_ it, using the Alchemiter."

"Oh," You still put the AJ down on the table in front of you. "Well, that's cool I guess. I didn't know this ship had one of those."

"We had to install it, which is a lot easier than you think. The hard part was figuring out what the recipe for that stuff was." She nods towards the glass and now you're starting to feel a little bad.

It sounds like she went through a lot of work to create a nice surprise for you and now your hyper active imagination is ruining it. There's just so much complicated stuff happening already without you worrying about a pleasant gift.

You don't pick up the AJ again though. Your thoughts are busy taking you elsewhere. More specifically, your thoughts are taking you next door, to where a sleeping Jade Harley is currently residing. After the battle on The Beat Mesa, she'd been pretty tuckered out. You can understand that. After shooting at your Bro, killing you, and then reviving you, anyone would be tired.

The scene plays over and over in your mind. Thanks to your role as Knight of Time, you know exactly how long it took for that whole sequence of events to take place. Such a small about of time, filled to the brim with such earth shattering events.

What would you have done if Jade had killed your Bro?

Good question. You guess that maybe you would be mad at her, but then again she was only trying to save John. Yet she really didn't give you a chance to talk to Bro, did she? Everything had just happened too fast.

Right now everyone is alive and you'll take that as a blessing any day of the week.

"Are you hungry?" Terezi breaks through your thoughts. "I could probably whip up some grub stew if you want."

"Grub Stew? Aren't troll babies called grubs, or something? I'm pretty sure that's cannibalism."

"They're called wrigglers and Grub Stew doesn't have actually grubs in it. That's just what it's called."

"Well now, doesn't that make a pile of sense."

"Like you can talk," She chuckles. "Hot Dogs don't have actual dogs in them, right?"

"Depends which country you're in."

"What's a country?"

"Never mind." You lean back in your chair again, bringing the front legs off the ground. Besides the creaking of your seat, and the gentle hum of the ship's engine, it's eerily quiet below deck. It's too quiet. You need to break this oppressive silence though whatever means necessary. "Hey, Terezi."

"Yeah, Dave."

"I'm, uh… I'm sorry that my Bro attacked your base and tried to kill you." You scratch at your nose, jostling your shades slightly.

You wait for her to respond, but she doesn't. Time passes and eventually you turn to look at her. Terezi's mouth is slightly agape and her awesome red shades glare at you.

"What's wrong with you, Dave? Why do you think everything is your fault all the time?"

Well you certainly weren't expecting that.

"What are you talking about?" You snap maybe a little too forcefully. "I'm just sorry that it happened."

"I know, but you can't help that your brother is a psycho. You can't take responsibility for his actions."

"I'm not and my Bro is not a psycho. He's being brain washed." You snatch up your AJ and down the rest of it. "Rose said so and John thinks so and that's good enough for me."

"Alright, whatever you say." She picks at her fingernails, leaving you to stare at her thoughtfully.

Terezi genuinely seems to care about you, although you feel justified in saying that she might be looking into your business a little too much. What is it with women and not taking things at face value? All you did was extend some sympathy and she used it as an excuse to accuse you of carrying the can.

You're about to drop a clever rebuttal which will make you look awesome and make her look silly when there's a knock at the door.

"Uh, hey." John's just stuck his head in. "Dave are you busy?"

"Naw man," You glance to Terezi. "We're just hanging out. You need something?"

John steps fully into the room and pulls up a chair at your little table. He rests his hands on the table, drumming his thumbs and thinking. You give him time to get his thoughts in order.

"Well, you know about Karkat's Jive party tomorrow, right?" He begins.

"Jive party?" You echo. "Dude, what the hell are you talking about?"

"You don't know? I just passed Jade outside and she didn't know either." He rubs his chin. "Kanaya said that she was going to tell everyone."

"She must have neglected to tell me, which is pretty stupid when you take into account that any party is going to have to be DJ'd by me." You rub a circle on the table as if you're scratching a record. "And what's Harley doing walking around? She's supposed to be resting."

"I think she just wanted some air."

"What's this I hear about a party?" Terezi interjects, leaning forward into your conversation.

"Apparently tomorrow is a holiday." John explains. "You know, Twelfth Perigee's Eve or something. There's supposed to be a dance."

"The Mlpuia Jive!" Terezi jumps from her seat and slams her palms on the table. The furniture shakes and your empty glass dances over the edge to shatter on the floor. "Holy shit! Are you serious?!"

"Uh, yeah." John eyes Terezi warily. "Are you alright?"

"Am I alright?!" She repeats incredulously. "I'm fantastic! This is the greatest thing to happen since forever. It's no wonder Kanaya didn't tell anyone, she probably got distracted." A thought seems to strike her like a ton of bricks. "Oh my Gog. If it's tomorrow, then there's so much to do."

"Like what?" You ask lazily. "What's the big deal?"

John shoots you a worried look and you realize that '_what's the big deal'_ was probably the wrong thing to say. Terezi's enthusiasm seemed to erupt from nowhere, but now that the toothpaste is out of the bottle, there's literally no way to coax it back in. She starts to speak, like she's giving a lecture, and you instinctively tune her out.

"DAVE! The Mlpuia Jive is the blah blah blah blah blah once in a life time blah blah all kinds of drama blah blah blah blah blurgh blah wicked moves blah blah blah blah blah blah blah partners…"

"Whoa!" You snap back into zone. "What's this about partners?"

"Were supposed to have partners." John answers with a shrug. "And that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm planning on asking…"

"Hey, are you guys talking about the Mlpuia Jive tomorrow?" Rose appears in the doorway like someone had flicked a switch.

"You bet your purple ass we are!" Terezi cackles. "It's going to rock ultimate, I'm telling you."

"How do you know that?" Rose saunters in and alights in a chair next to John. "You've never been to one."

"Yeah, well I've read about them." Terezi answers a little defensively. "We were just discussing dates." She addresses John. "What were you going to say blue boy?"

All eyes are on your best bro now and suddenly he seems to be very nervous.

"Uh, well…" He tugs at the color of his shirt. "I was just saying that I don't know who to ask."

"You don't have a partner yet?" Rose asks. She looks pretty surprised.

"No." He rubs the back of his neck.

"Oh, I see." Rose looks away from him and scratches at some chipped paint on the table.

You raise your eyebrows and bore a hole into John's forehead with your shaded gaze. What's he playing at? Before your ecto-sister showed up, he was about to run something by you. What happened?

Terezi doesn't seem to notice John's diversion, and instead turns to you.

"What about you, Dave? Do you know who you're taking? I'm totally available by the way. Hehe."

That's a good question, one that merits some thought. You wonder what would piss off Karkat more: if you neglected this party entirely or if you went and totally fucked everything up, you're talking Animal House style. Probably the latter. If you're going though, Terezi's right, you'll need a fine lass on your arm.

"Karkat said that we shouldn't have any interspecies relationships." John pipes up and then quickly adds. "I mean, partners not relationships."

"Oh well poo on him." Terezi crosses her arms. "He doesn't control us."

"Hey Rose," You see an opening and you take it. "Why don't you go with John?"

Your sister looks up quickly. Her gaze flicks to you and then to John and then back to the table again.

"I already have a date." She answers quietly.

All eyes are on her now. John frowns and you can tell that he's thinking the same thing you're thinking: If she isn't going with John, and you doubt that she's going with Jade, then she's definitely going with one of the trolls. So much for Karkat's one rule.

"Really?!" Terezi giggles, red shades flashing merrily. "Who? No let me guess. Is it… _Kanaya_?"

Rose nods and a tinge of red colors her cheeks.

"Karkat will be pissed." You smirk. "But then again he's a punk bitch anyway. Who cares what he thinks. Congrats on landing your first date, sis."

"It's not a date." Rose's lip quirks up anyway. "We're just having a little fun, blowing off some steam."

"Don't let Kanaya hear you saying that. She's been obsessing over you ever since you entered the game." Terezi reclaims her chair from where she'd knocked it over earlier. "So I guess this means that you and I are clear for takeoff, huh?"

Terezi's sharp elbow jabs you in the ribs and you try not to wince in pain. If there's anything you know, it's that wincing is completely uncool.

"Not necessarily." You lace your fingers behind your head. "Maybe I want to explore my horizons. See what the poon train has to offer me. You never know."

John smiles for the first time in a while, while Rose rolls her eyes. You consider this to be a victory.

"Poon train?" Terezi seems confused. "What does that mean?"

"Just a fine example of David's uncouth behavior and use of demeaning terminology." Rose glares at you. "He uses it to cover up the fact that there's not a person on this ship who would enjoy his company tomorrow evening."

"First off, never call me David again, Rosalind. Secondly, I bet that I'll have another invite to tomorrow's dance before you're even climbing into bed tonight, snuggling up with your creepy tentacle dolls."

"Your full name isn't Rosalind." John chimes in, turning to Rose. "I thought it was- mrph."

Rose slaps her hand over John's mouth. You'll have to remember to pump John for teasing ammunition later. Your ecto-sister's full name must be pretty lame if she doesn't want you knowing it. You wonder how John found out what it is.

"Anyways." Rose shoots John a scathing look and slowly removes her hand from his mouth. "I highly doubt that anyone besides Terezi will invite you again, Dave."

"You'll just have to wait and see. Although I think you should prepare a nice table setting for when the time comes to eat your words." You turn to Terezi. "Sorry, Tz. But I'm going to prove a point. You can come with me to the next dance, alright?"

"Whatever." Terezi rises from her chair the final time. "I'll see you later."

She exits and you're left feeling sort of like a dick. You glance down at the shards of glass nearby, which no one had bothered to clean up yet. You'll apologize to Terezi later, after you've proven yourself to be the irresistible male you know you are and scored a date without even lifting so much as a finger.

You hear footsteps and you look up to see that your chance to prove your point has just arrived. It's much sooner than you expected, but hey, you don't have much time for bullshit anyways. Not when your schedule is already jam packed with being awesome.

"Sup, Harley." You nod at Jade as she enters. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good." She does a wave that encompasses the whole room. "I'm great actually."

She sinks into Terezi's vacated chair and you feel that there is no problem with admitting that she does, in fact, look great. Her skin is no longer ghostly pale, her hand is swathed in fresh bandages, and her signature, toothy grin is smeared across her face like a stroke of brilliant paint. You're almost ready to tell Rose and your silly bet to go to hell, just so you can ask Jade to the Jive. Then Harley speaks.

"I'm sorry for shooting you earlier." Jade looks at you with her big, sad, puppy eyes. "And for leaving your sword behind, and for trying to kill your Bro, and… well a bunch of stuff."

Ah yes, all _that_ stuff. It's funny how quickly reality fades when you're talking about typically teenager shenanigans. It's even funnier how hard and fast reality can reaffirm itself.

"It's nothing." You say.

"But Dave…"

"You brought me back to life. Consider us more even than Steven." You send a little smirk her way. "I can always buy another sword."

She smiles back.

"Thanks." She beams, happy that conflict has been avoided.

"Don't mention it." You turn to John. "So maybe you can help us with something, Harley. John here needs a date for the party tomorrow."

"You don't have one yet?!" She looks from John to Rose. "Oh, I mean… why not?"

"Well we just found out about it didn't we?" John throws his hands in the air. "It's not my fault that everyone started snatching people up before I could even walk down the stairs."

Rose reaches up and messes wither her headband, even though it was already as perfectly positioned as always. She coughs into her hand.

"How did you find out about the Mlpuia Jive, Jade?" She asks. "I thought you were sleeping."

"John told me about it when I went to go check out the rest of the ship." She gestures around vaguely. "Did you guys know that all of this stuff was down here? It's a lot bigger than I thought it was. The view from the deck is really pretty too. Anyways, this party sounds like a lot of fun!"

"All the trolls definitely seem to be excited about it." John says. "Are you guys worried that maybe we'll screw everything up?"

"What do you mean?" Jade addresses her ecto-brother.

"I mean, we don't know any of the customs, right? This is supposed to be a really big deal. What if we do something wrong?"

"Who cares?" You rub your eyes. Man, you wish you had more AJ. "It's just some stupid dance."

"It's also Karkat's birthday."

"I stand corrected: It's a stupid dance _and_ a stupid birthday party."

"Don't listen to Dave." Rose reaches out and grabs John's hand. "I'll walk you through some of the different rituals later. By tomorrow you'll know all there is to know about the Mlpuia Jive."

"Thanks, Rose." John smiles, although you're sure he isn't happy at the prospect of spending all night _studying_. You know you wouldn't be. "I still don't have a partner though. I'll be like the only guy all by his lonesome."

"I don't think Aradia, Equius, or Nepeta have dates. You could ask one of them!" Jade helps brightly. "I would go with you John, but I already have a date."

The eternal ticking in your chest stops for once and you're positive that if you were drinking more AJ, everyone at this table would have just witnessed a glorious spit-take.

"What the hell are you spinning, Harley?" You blurt.

"I beg your pardon?" She turns to you, confusion shining from behind the round lenses of her glasses.

"You just said that you have a date, right?" You hope you're wrong. "Or am I just hearing shit."

"No, you're hearing is fine." Jade giggles. "I totally have a date!"

"Bullshit." You laugh, actually laugh. It's more like a bark though, loud and harsh. So uncool. "You _can't_ have a date."

Confusion and excitement gives way to defiance.

"Oh yeah!" She frowns. "And why the fuck not?"

"Because well… Jade, you… you can't have a date… Who?" You're having trouble coming up with a good argument. '_You can't have a date, because I wanted to go with you'_, sounds pretty lame in your head.

"Who's my date?" She asks and you nod. "You know what, Dave?" Jade stands up. "I don't think that's any of your damn business."

And with that, she nods curtly to John and Rose and absconds the fuck away from you. If you didn't feel like a piece of shit before, you certainly feel like one now. You don't shut up though.

"She can't have a date," You mutter. "No fucking way."

It just can't be possible. Who could have asked her out? She hasn't talked to any of the trolls much, at least that you know of. She has to be lying, pulling your leg or yanking your chain. You can't think of a single person on this ship with whom she would have agreed to go with.

Hell, who are _you_ going to go with? If not Harley and not Terezi, then who? You look across the table at John, who's turned around in his chair staring after Jade. Would it be weird if two best buds crashed a party together?

Regardless, you aren't going to be showing up to this shindig all alone. Fuck, even your nerdy, spooky ecto-sister landed a hot date.

"Well, Dave." Rose speaks and instantly you wish that she wasn't here. "You've certainly proven your point. I don't know _what _point you meant to prove exactly, but I guess it really doesn't matter. You've proven you can be an insensitive douchebag quite effectively."

"Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? You grumble and rest your head on the back of your chair, then add: "Why don't you take a flying fuck at the moon?"

John snorts and stands up with the scrape of chair legs across the floor.

"Okay then," He claps once. "I guess I'm off to find a date. Wish me luck."

You raise your hand, thumb extended, without looking at your friend. You doubt you'll be able to look at any of these people ever again.

"Good luck." Rose says. "I'm sure you'll find someone. Why don't you come back here when you're done so I can begin tutoring you in all that is Jive?"

"Sounds like a plan to me." John makes his exit. The door barely shuts before he's pushing his head back through the door. "Oh, and Rose?"

"Yes?" She looks up from her lap.

There's a long pause, as John seems to be struggling with something. Eventually he manages to say:

"Save a dance for me, will you?"

Rose's face goes slightly pink once more and her mouth opens and closes once, before finally settling on a small smile.

"I… Yes. Of course, John."

Then your best friend is gone and you're left alone with your traitorous thoughts and your snarky ecto-sister. You relish the few seconds of silence you have before Rose _really_ starts chewing you out. Eventually though, you'll have to duel with her razor sharp tongue delivering cutting remarks straight to where they'll do the most damage. It's like she knows the pressure points of your soul.

"Before you begin," You speak quickly. "I just want to say that I'm a fucking idiot, who deserves to burn in hell for the rest of eternity. Not regular hell either. A very special hell only for people like me. It's full of plushy puppet rump all dancing nude and singing Hall and Oates in Karkat's voice."

Rose heaves a heavy sigh, rolls her eyes, and delicately rises from her chair.

"I believe my work here is done." She pushes her seat into its correct position under the table. "I would go apologize while I have the chance. Good night, David."

You snort as the door closes behind her.

"Huge witch."

* * *

**This chapter is shorter than any of my other ones and I apologize for that. I just felt like this one needed to be cut off by content whether than word count. The intermission chapters are going to be shorter than main act chapters anyways.**

**Dave will make it up to Jade and Terezi. John will find some sweet troll date. Karkat will have to deal with interspecies relationships popping up all over the gaf. But such is the Mlpuia Jive.**

**This story is now over 100,000 words long. What am I doing?**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	18. INT 1 - PART 3

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Thanks to cheezebuns for reviewing. (I can always count on you)**

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope

You are Terezi Pyrope.

On any other occasion, you'd be pressing your sensitive nose to the walls of this ship and breathing in the sweet, honey-comb scent wafting through the corridors. Right now though, you're too pissed to appreciate the delicious, floating sense-fest that's been handed to you on a silver platter.

"Dave _Fucking_ Strider." You mutter darkly under your breath as you stomp down the hallway.

Where does he get off, completely disregarding your invitation? He may be too cool for Motherfucking School, but he is definitely not too cool for you. After everything you'd done for him too. That stupid apple juice was not easy to make. You'd spent hours working out the recipe and breathing in the foul scented liquid. Seriously, why does he even like that stuff? It smells like piss.

Brooding over your wasted efforts and remembering Dave's stupid AJ, a thought slams into you like a sword in the back. You were heading towards the stairs and the top deck, but now you're changing your course and heading deeper into the belly of the ship.

You don't knock before throwing the door open. Kanaya calmly looks over her shoulder to regard her disturber. An absurd amount of fabric is draped across her lap and you notice that the Alchemiter is working overtime to spit more of the colorful cloth into a pile nearby.

"Karkat's not going to be happy that you're wasting resources for more clothes." You say, quickly scanning the room.

"It isn't for me," Kanaya turns back to her work, shaping some of the cloth much like a baker would dough. "I've taken it upon myself to make decorations for the Mlpuia Jive tomorrow. I assume that you're aware of the celebration."

"Yes, no thanks to _you_." You find what you're looking for buried under a pile of what looks like waist coats. "Ah, bingo! Hehe."

Kanaya looks up again.

"I'm sorry for not spreading the news like I told Karkat I would. I got distracted with…" She watches you struggle for a few seconds. "Terezi where are you going with that keg? What's even in there?"

"It's apple juice that I made for Dave," You huff and drag the barrel towards the door a few more inches. "I'm dumping it overboard because he's A PIECE OF SHIT!"

A wry grin twists Kanaya's elegant lips.

"And I thought _I_ was the one wasting resources."

"Stow it, Fussyfangs." You tug the barrel over the threshold and out into the hallway. "Congrats on landing Lalonde by the way. She's a cutie, not that I noticed."

"Oh, um… thanks?" Kanaya blushes subtly. You can tell that she's unsure what to do with your praise. This is her first real date after all. "Do you have a partner yet? I can see that Dave is most likely out of the question."

"You bet. That scrumdiddlyumptious piece of human meat can kiss this troll ass goodbye." You take a break, leaning against the wall for a second. "At least for this particular occasion. Who knows about the future though? I can't stay mad at Dave for long. He knows my weakness."

"What? A disturbing fixation on all things red?"

"Nope." You grin and start to haul the barrel once more, calling down the hall. "I can't resist a cool kid!"

You hear Kanaya giggle softly and consider that little conversation to be a victory. The vampire fashion queen has always held a special place in your heat, although your interactions have been scarce at best. She's just so innocent to you, so cute. You can't wait for Rose to corrupt her (in the good way, not the Vriska way).

_Vriska._

The barrel gets caught on a snag on the floor and you tug a little harder than necessary to free it. The floor board cracks, but you don't care all too much. You don't own this ship. Hell, you don't know who _does_. Maybe Jade, since it was originally docked in LOFAF. But then how did it get there? Who put it there?

You wonder these things for a little while before you remember that you don't really care. As tasty as this airship smells and most likely tastes, you don't plan on spending more time here than absolutely necessary. You relish the day when this whole quest is over and you can return to your hive, with its plush dragons and impromptu courtroom scenarios.

You used to role-play a lot. You used to role-play a lot _with_ Vriska. At least until things got out of hand. She always takes things too far.

"Took." You correct yourself. "She always _took_ things too far."

Getting the barrel up the stairs is harder than you would have thought. You quickly decide that dragging it from the front is preferable to pushing it from behind. There's less chance of you being crushed if you lose your grip this way.

The edge of the barrel _thunks_ against each step as you ascend.

What was her problem anyways? You're fully aware that your Scourge Sister was always a bit of a psychopath, but was she really one Human Matesprit away from losing her mind completely? Blaming Vriska's relationship with John for her radical behavior may not be the _right_ thing to do, but it certainly makes things easier.

The strain on your fingers and a final _thunk_ as you reach the top step pulls you from your thoughts. You realize too late that you're losing your grip and the keg slips from your grasp.

"Fuck!" You exclaim, ready for the inevitable tumble in store for the barrel.

It never comes though. A hand comes from behind you and latches onto the edge of the container, halting its progress. You turn your head to look over your shoulder and don your toothiest, most shit eating grin possible.

"Oh, my hero. Hehe." You giggle in Karkat's face.

"Shut up and help me!" He snarls and you comply, grabbing the barrel again. "Fuck! What the hell is in this thing?! It's heavy as dicks!"

"Human Apple Juice for Dave." You explain as the pair of you drag it fully onto the deck. "I'm tossing it overboard because he's an asshole."

"What… How… Terezi?" Karkat scrubs his face with his palm. "Dammit, how did this apple juice get here? You didn't make it, did you? We don't have the resources for this kind of shit."

"Don't fill a pail over it." You wave him off, before lying. "It didn't cost that much to make. We've got tons of grist and other stuff left. Don't worry."

The Apple Juice was pretty expensive by itself and now that Kanaya's going to town with her decorations, you all might just find yourselves in bad shape supply-wise.

"Don't make things harder than they have to be, Terezi." Karkat sounds tired. "We've got enough things to worry about already."

"Fugh!" You groan and begin dragging the keg again, this time towards the railing. "Don't be such a worry-miester. Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

Karkat, driven by whatever tiny chivalrous bone in his body, reluctantly steps up and helps you lift the Apple Juice burdened barrel onto the edge of the ship.

"How can you promise something like that?" He demands, slightly out of breath. "Everything's hitting the metaphorical fan at once, Terezi, and it's all going to come back to me _when_, not if, everything goes to shit."

With one hand, you give a gentle shove and send the last case of Apple Juice in the universe tumbling into open space. You would like to see it slam into the ground, but alas it's now too dark and clouds are obscuring everything but the silver moon.

"Listen up, Nubs." You turn to your leader and slap both of your hands onto his shoulders, holding him steady. "Tomorrow is your Wriggling Day and also the first and possible last Mlpuia Jive we will ever attend. Do you know what that means?"

"No." He tries to squirm out of your grasp, but you dig your nails into his sweater.

"It means that you are going to take a page from Dave Strider's book, no matter how much you don't want to, and chill the fuck out. That's an order, Karkat. Am I understood?"

"You can't give me orders." He grumbles averting your gaze. "And I don't have to _chill out_ or have fun if I don't want to." Karkat tries to escape again, but you aren't an easy lady to evade. "And another thing," He snaps. "If you want me to do something, don't mention Fucking Strider! I wouldn't take a page out of his shitty book to save my life!"

"You are going to have fun tomorrow, Karkat." You say, firing off another grin. "And do you know why?"

"No and I don't care."

"Because you're going to be my partner! Haha." You answer your own question with a cackle and Karkat suddenly stills, no longer attempting escape.

"Oh no." He groans again. "Oh man, this is so incredibly awkward."

"I know what you're going to say." You hold up a hand to silence him. "We used to be Matesprits and it'll be uncomfortable and stuff, but that's in no way going to be a problem, okay? It'll just be two buds crashing a party together. No strings attatached and nothing weird."

Karkat simply stares at you for a while. You wait until you start to get impatient, which is about five seconds. Seriously, is it so hard to say one word? A simple _'yes'_ and then you can move onto better-quality shit."

"Terezi, I… uh… fucking hell." He closes his eyes. "Terezi, I already have a partner."

Well you weren't expecting that.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Laughter pours from your throat like Apple Juice down Dave's stupid gullet. "No you don't!"

"Yeah, I do!" Karkat's lip rises like he's getting ready to growl at you.

"Stop being ridiculous!" You eyes are starting to tear up from laughing so much. "You can't possibly have a partner! No one on this ship can stand you for more than thirty seconds. You're too cranky, too loud, too…"

"What is your problem?!" He shouts, cutting you off. "Why are you bothering me right now? Just leave me alone."

"Karkat, you can't go to the dance alone. Just go with me." You reach for his hand. "Come on, it'll be fun! Hehe."

He wrenches out of your grasp as if you've burned him.

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU! I HAVE A FUCKING DATE!" You can tell that you've pissed him off now. "AND I WOULDN'T GO WITH YOU EVEN IF I DIDN'T!"

He stalks away from you, disappearing down the stairs and heading below deck for the night.

"Liar." You mutter and face your back to him.

Maybe you'd been a little too quick to call him on his lie? You probably should have humored him for a bit, pretended that he actually had a date, and then swooped in for the kill when he showed up to the Jive alone. Then you would have looked like the hero instead of the villain like you do right now.

You just can't believe that he lied to your face like that. There isn't a single person that you can think of that would have agreed to go with him.

Kanaya and Rose are together, Aradia is probably still upset about being accused earlier, Dave just straight up hates him, John doesn't like boys for some reason, Equius wouldn't be caught dead with a low blood, and Nepeta would be way too shy to even get the words out. Not to mention Karkat wouldn't go for Nepeta if she was the only troll left in the universe. That only leaves you and Jade.

_Jade._

The perky human is too _nice_ to pair up with someone like Karkat, who is the antithesis of nice. Sure, you'd seen him faun over her earlier, but you seriously doubt that Jade would ever reciprocate whatever feelings he may have for her.

As a paragon of justice and master detective, you can piece together the evidence rather easily.

Karkat asked Jade, got completely rejected, and lashed out at you just to make himself feel better. You're half inclined to forgive him and try proposing to him again later. The other half of you, the more powerful half, says that Karkat should be taught a lesson and end up with someone he hates, instead of with you, like he should be.

You look across the deck to Equius and Nepeta, who are both lingering about the steering wheel. A smile known as your _'scheming smile'_ slowly contorts your lips. With a crack of your knuckles you start walking towards them.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you are about to do something you haven't done in a really long time:

Ask out a girl.

A tiny part of you wishes that a bolt of lightning will strike the golden ship, killing everyone on board and preventing you from having to go through with this. However, another part of you knows that hoping for divine intervention is stupid. Being stuck down by lightning probably isn't a heroic or just death either, so you'll probably just come back to life anyway.

Then there's the third and final part of your brain, which sounds remarkably like Dave.

"_Just nut up and do it, Bro." _It says. _"The worst thing that can happen is that you get completely shut down and brutally humiliated, but even then, you're used to that, right?"_

Wow. Thanks imaginary Dave.

You decide that putting it off any longer is probably not going to make it any easier. After leaving Dave and Rose alone, you trudge down the hallway and towards the stairs. It's the middle of the night as far as you can tell, but the inside of the ship is still brightly illuminated. You guess that has something to do with the Alternian Exo-Paint or whatever it was that Karkat talked about. You don't see any conventional lightening methods on the walls or ceiling.

You're just setting your foot down on the bottom step, almost ready to ascend, when someone comes jogging down towards you.

"Move it, Egderp." Terezi tries to walk through you. "I've got places to do, things to see. Hehehe."

"Uh, I think you got that saying backwards." You say, dodging out of her path a little clumsily.

"Don't care." She grins over her shoulder at you before disappearing around a corner.

What's her deal? When she left the room earlier, she'd seemed a little ticked off. Now she's back to her usual overly-eccentric self.

Women. You'll never understand them for as long as you live.

Honestly you're patience has been running a little thin with Terezi for a while now. She sort of tricked you into killing yourself when you'd first entered the game a long time ago and then she very recently killed your hot alien girlfriend. What's she always smiling about anyways? It's like she's always laughing at one big joke that no one else understands.

It's kind of… annoying.

You decide to keep your personal grievances to yourself. This dance is already burning with the smoky flames of drama without you pouring gasoline onto the pile. In fact, now that you're all working as a team, it seems very unlikely that you'll ever give Terezi a piece of your mind. With your number of friends decreasing at an alarming rate, you won't risk any more by picking fights.

As you had guessed, it's already well into the night when you reach the top deck. It's quieter up here than ever now, with only Equius and Nepeta by the wheel and Aradia still by herself near the railing. Funnily enough, these are exactly the people that you need to see.

"Hey, guys." You say, approaching Equius and Nepeta. "How's it going?"

"Don't waste your breath, John." Equius says immediately, holding up his hand. "I've already acquired a date for the Mlpuia Jive."

"Er… I wasn't… I'm just saying _'hi'_."

This is a bad sign. If you can't even talk to one of your friends without things getting awkward, how are you ever going to talk to a potential date?

"Oh," Equius seems surprised… and a little sweaty. "Forgive me. I simply assumed…"

"No, no. Don't worry about it." You rub the back of your neck. "So, who asked you?"

"You'll nefur guess who!" Nepeta chimes in with a grin.

"Was it…"

"It was Terezi!" She answers before you can.

"Really?" You turn to Equius. You didn't know that he and Terezi had a thing. "Well congratulations, pal."

"Thank you… Uh, pal." He punches you on the shoulder in what you guess is supposed to be a friendly way.

Your arm might be broken.

"I'm sure my evening with Terezi will be one to remember." He continues with a smile, flashing his many broken teeth and casting a glance somewhere over your shoulder towards Aradia. "I don't mean to sound fulsome, but I'm quite the dancer."

"Are you being serious?" You ask. "Equius that's awesome! You have to teach me some moves."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Can you teach me to dance?" You clarify. "I've never really done something like this before and I'd really like not to make an ass of myself."

Equius seems taken aback.

"You want me to… instruct you on the art of dance?"

"Yes!"

"I'm… afraid that isn't possible, John."

"What?"

"I can't." Equius dabs at his forehead with a towel that Nepeta just handed to him. "I just don't hoof- I mean, _have_ the time. Dancing is a skill you're born with, not taught."

"There isn't anything you can teach me?"

"No. There isn't." He draws himself up to his full height. "Now if you'll excuse me. Goodnight Nepeta." He nods to his Morial and then stomps across the deck towards the stairs.

"What the fuck was that?" You say, staring after him.

"You made him nervous." Nepeta responds with a shrug of her little shoulders. "You should know that it isn't pawlite to call people out like that."

You look down at Nepeta, stunned.

"I didn't mean to _'call him out'_. I just asked if he could help me."

"Well he didn't see it that way. Let him cool off a bit, then you can ask again litter."

"You mean, later?"

"Yeah, litter."

You roll your eyes and try to think of a way that you can make your escape before…

"You know, Johnkitty." Nepeta tugs on your sleeve softly. "I don't have a purtner to the Jive yet."

"You should ask, Karkat." You're really questioning why you came over here now. Seriously, it wasn't like you were planning to ask Equius or Nepeta. Maybe you just wanted to see a friendly face?"

"Oh, I couldn't pawssibly do that!" She gasps. "Terezi told me to do the same thing, but I just know that Karkitty would never say _'yes'_."

"Well, you could always try." You fully realize that you're a beggar trying to chose, but if you can avoid going with the fucking crazy cat girl to the Jive, then you'll do it.

"No I can't." She frowns deeply, looking up at you with those fucking enormous eyes. "If mew don't have a date Johnkitty, you can always go with…"

"Dave!" You blurt.

"What?" Nepeta looks confused.

"Dave doesn't have a date." You speak quickly. "You should go ask him!"

"He's too… cool for me." Her frown deepens. "He would never say yes."

"Nepeta, trust me." You cautiously rest a hand on her shoulder. "I can guarantee you that he'll say _'yes'_."

"How do you know?" She asks.

"I don't know. I just have this feeling." You smile in what you hope is a reassuring way. "Go ask. I promise that he won't shut you down."

"Well… okay, then." Nepeta brightens slightly. "I'll go ask!"

You watch her scamper away, following Equius down the stairs.

What you just did may make you a bad person and if you're being honest with yourself, you do feel kind of bad. You don't feel bad for taking advantage of Dave's stupid bet with Rose to set him up with Nepeta. What makes you feel bad is how easily you were able to evade the cat girl. Maybe Rose was right in saying that some of Vriska's clever conniving rubbed off on you?

You sigh and look over to the only other person left on the deck of the ship:

Aradia.

You'd talked to the female troll… once? Maybe? You have no earthly idea. It feels like you were barely even introduced when you'd first arrived at the troll's old base. You know that she took care of Jade when she was injured, but really that's it.

It almost seems wrong of you to go over and talk to her. She's been sitting all by herself for so long, like she's participating in some sort of vigil. None of the other trolls have bothered her and as far as you know, you might be intruding on some sort of weird alien ceremony or something.

You swallow hard. There's literally no one else that you can ask. This is it. You're going to do this.

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

You debate whether you should just walk up to her quietly or loudly, so as to announce your presence before you even arrive. Walking quietly is probably the wrong thing to do. You don't want to surprise her after all. Walking loudly doesn't seem good to you either, since you'll probably just look like a stupid, uncoordinated oaf. What you need to do is walk with the perfect amount of sound. Not too loud and not too soft, so that SHE'S GETTING UP AND SHE'S GOING TO WALK AWAY DO SOMETHING YOU IDIOT!

You watch Aradia slowly rise to her feet and stretch luxuriously, like a cat. Not like a Nepeta-type cat, but an almost… sexy-type cat. You just now notice how attractive Aradia is.

You can't do this. Holy shit, you cannot do this.

Aradia looks out over the railing towards the horizon, then down to her hand. She's holding a rock. It's red and a little shiny.

Maybe you could use that to your advantage? You could be all like: _'Hey babe, nice rock. Do you want to go to the dance?'_.

She grasps the rock tightly in her palm before quickly tossing it over the railing. The red stone disappears into the clouds along with your potential icebreaker. Shit, now you have to come up with another smooth as silk pick-up line.

Her bushy, black hair rustles in the gentle breeze and you try not to stare at it. You need to make your move now, while she's currently standing there and looking sadly into the distance.

"Uh, hey." You take a few steps toward her. "Aradia?"

Her head whips around quickly, causing her dark hair to swirl around her curved horns. She simply stares at you for a second, as if she's trying to remember who you are.

"Hello." She eventually says.

"I'm John." You hold out your hand. Her eyes shift from your face down to your proffered appendage, then back up to your eyes.

"Aradia." She takes your hand and shakes it firmly. "We've met before."

"Yeah, I know." You try to smile, but you probably just look like you're in pain. "We didn't get to talk that much though, did we? I hope I'm not interrupting something, by the way."

"Interrupting?" She repeats. "What do you mean?"

"Well you kind of looked like you were in the middle of something." You nod towards the edge of the ship where she was just sitting scant seconds ago. "I didn't know if you were busy or…"

"No, not busy. Just…" She looks towards the horizon again at something that you can't see. "Just saying goodbye, I suppose."

Two things are confirmed now. One: you've definitely just interrupted something private. And two: Aradia is waaaay prettier up close and waaaay out of your league.

"I'm sorry about your friends." You want to hug her, but you're afraid she'll beat you. "They all seemed nice."

"Most of them were." She crosses her arms, but not in the annoyed way, more like the relaxed way. "I doesn't matter though. Don't be sorry, John."

"I just think it's unfortunate."

"It is, but shit happens. We live, we die. People are disposable and that's just the way things are."

Fuck. Things are _not_ going according to plan.

"I don't think that's necessarily true." You mumble. "I mean, people aren't _disposable_. I think everyone has a purpose."

"If everyone had a purpose, then why did they all die?" She's quick with the comebacks. "Both of our worlds and countless others destroyed apparently for no reason. We survive only to get here and fight amongst ourselves, killing each other just because we can't handle the stress of being the only ones left."

You guess that the only reason you're being pulled into this discussion is because she hasn't talked to anyone else about it. She's venting to you and you're surprisingly okay with that.

"I agree that everything might seem a little hopeless sometimes." You prop yourself against the railing. "But then I remember that there's still something to fight for."

"Like what?"

"Well, maybe the reason that everyone died was so that we could bring them back? If that makes any sense. Like it's our purpose to rebuild our worlds and once we've done that, then everyone we saved will have the chance to find their own purpose."

"That sounds a little far-fetched to me." She smirks and you take that as a good sign. "Forgive me, John. This probably isn't what you intended to talk about when you came over here."

"Honestly, it's not." You laugh. "But this is good though, we're getting to know each other and stuff, right?"

"I guess so, but all you've learned about me so far is that I'm a jaded bitch."

"You're not a jaded bitch, you're just… normal. It's okay to feel like there's no point to anything every once and a while, but that's why you have your friends around to cheer you up."

"I have no friends, not anymore." She juts her chin towards the stairs. "Everyone here thinks I'm a murderer."

"They think you killed Gamzee?"

"Yes."

"Well you didn't, right?"

"Of course not." She averts your gaze. "Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to. But I didn't."

"I believe you." You say instantly and genuinely. "And I'm not just saying that because I want you to go to the dance with me. I really mean it."

You expect Aradia to say _'thanks'_ or at least something like _'okay'_, but she's just staring at you like you've suddenly started to cry blood.

"There's a dance?" She asks. "What dance? What are you talking about?"

"Huh?"

"You just mentioned a dance, right now. You said that you want me to go with you."

You think back to your previous statement. Had you really just let that slip? Hot dammed you're a fucking idiot and there you were wondering why no girl has ever liked you before. Well besides Vriska and maybe Rose when she's drunk.

"Uh… Have I mentioned how much I like your satchel? It's pretty bad ass."

**Sweet deflection!**

"Thanks, now tell me: is there a dance or are you just completely socially inept."

"Both." You decide to fess up. "Tomorrow's Twelfth Perigee's Eve and…" You explain the Mlpuia Jive, Karkat's birthday, the whole shebang. It doesn't take long before Aradia gets what you're trying to say.

"I see." She seems much less excited at the prospect of the Mlpuia Jive than anyone else. Maybe that's a good thing? If she agrees to go with you, there's less of a chance that you'll disappoint her. "So I guess you've waited until the last minute to invite someone and now you're stuck with me?"

"I would never say that." You respond quickly. "I'm fully prepared for you to reject me like nobody's business."

She stares at you for like the billionth time. You kind of wish that she'd stop doing that. Her gaze is piercing, like she can see right into your soul or something equally disturbing.

"Why would I reject you, John?"

"Er… Well, you're like this super cool troll lady and I'm like… me?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know. A lot of stuff."

"Hmmmm." She hums quietly. "I agree. Something must be really wrong if you want to go with me. You must not have noticed, John, but you're the only person who's come to talk to me all night. The other trolls, as I've mentioned before, are currently treating me as something like an outcast."

"That's dumb."

She laughs and it's deep and throaty.

"I guess it is." She smiles and you smile back. "I'll gladly go to the Mlpuia Jive with you, John."

"Really?"

"Yes, really?"

"Awesome. Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." You want to hug her again, but although the likelihood of her beating you has been reduced. It's still a possibility. "I'll set Karkat straight. I'll tell him that you didn't kill his friend, Gamzee."

"That's sweet, but really it's none of your concern. I can take care of myself."

"I know that." You start walking backwards towards the stairs. "But it doesn't mean you have to."

She smiles again and you think that you could get used to that smile.

"Goodnight, John."

"Night, Aradia."

You turn and head down the stairs with that final image of a smiling Aradia, silhouetted against the moonlight, imprinted on your brain.

Alright, mission accomplished. All that's left to do now is to get tutored by Rose and then you'll be ready for the Mlpuia Jive. You head back to the room where Rose said she would meet you and push the door open. You freeze right there in your tracks, staring into the room with complete and utter horror.

Nepeta is sitting on top of Dave, who is sitting in his chair. They are making out like a couple of wild animals. Very slowly you slide backwards, out into the hall, and shut the door as quietly as possible.

**LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.**

* * *

**Next time on JOHN: TRY TO UNDERSTAND, I hope you're all ready to Jive! I promise that their won't be any drama. **  
**Wonk! **  
**Wink*!**

**This story is now over 100,000 words long. What am I doing?**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	19. INT 1 - PART 4

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Thanks to Namz011, Spider8reath (sweet username), and Mouse for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert.

You are still John Egbert. Which means that you are still wildly unprepared for what is currently about to happen, wildly unprepared, extremely nervous, and incredibly uncomfortable.

Not only were you unable to find Rose last night, thus negating any plans of Jive lessons, but you were also so anxious that you barely slept a wink. You just threw yourself onto the cot Terezi had alchemized for you and listened to Dave sawing logs in the next bed all night. Needless to say, you're sort of in a bad mood at the moment.

You yawn widely and reach up with a hand to cover your mouth.

"Stop moving." Kanaya snaps, slapping your hand away from your face. "Please." She adds after you shoot her a mild glare.

"Sorry," You resist the urge to tug at your collar. "But how long is this going to take?"

"I'm almost finished." She tugs your jacket down so that it is snug over your shoulders, and brushes off some imaginary dust.

You'd finally managed to find time to clean yourself earlier this morning. It felt good to wash away the layers of grime and blood and other unmentionables. Now if only you could find a razor. The prickly beginnings of stubble are beginning to form on your cheeks and neck.

"There." Kanaya steps back and smiles approvingly. "Now put this on."

She procures a dark blue tie, apparently from thin air, and tosses it into your chest.

"Ummm." You finger the strip of fabric apprehensively. "Is this necessary?"

"I believe so." The female troll, who is already dressed in a pretty green dress, turns from you to investigate yet more piles of miscellaneous clothes. "It completes the outfit."

Ah yes. The outfit that Kanaya had alchemized for you. A blue jacket, which you believe is called a 'blazer', white shirt, black pants, and now this tie. You've been dressed in much worse, but you're a little disappointed that your god tier outfit was deemed 'inappropriate' for whatever reason. It was really comfortable, if a little dirty and weather beaten.

Kanaya straightens up, clutching a bundle of clothes and turns to find you still standing there with the tie clutched dumbly in your hand.

"Do you not like it?" She asks, a look of apprehension suddenly washing over her face.

"What? Oh no! It's not that, it's just…" You look down at the tie and back to her again. "I don't know how to do it."

"What?"

"I mean, I've never tied a tie before."

You're Dad tried to teach you once, but you hadn't listened. One more regret on the pile.

"Oh! Well, why didn't you say so?" She puts the bundle of fabric down in a nearby chair and steps up to you.

She pulls the tie out of your hand and drapes it around your neck, lifting up your collar and beginning to knot a perfect Double Windsor. You try not to notice how close she currently is to you or how nice she smells.

Dammit, what is it with this boat? Why is it bursting at the seams with attractive girls?!

Kanaya really is pretty though. You have to feel happy for Rose, having found such a good looking partner. Speaking of Rose:

"Hey, have you seen Rose around?" You swallow hard, feeling the uncomfortable dryness in your throat that only comes when you're near a pretty girl for too long. "I was supposed to meet up with her last night, but I never found her."

Kanaya tugs down on the tie, pulling it tight around your neck like a noose and causing you to gag slightly.

"Last night she was with me." Kanaya fixes your collar. "We were perusing some Alternian literature and lost track of time. Sorry."

She doesn't sound very sorry.

"It's alright. It's just that she was going to teach me some stuff about the dance."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do and this seems like a pretty big deal. I just don't want to mess anything up by being… ignorant, I guess."

Her eyes soften.

"I see."

You nod, still uncomfortably aware of how close she is and how warm it is in this room. Kanaya crosses her arms and chews on her lip for a moment, apparently lost in thought.

"I suppose we have some free time right now." She continues. "I could walk you through the ceremonies, if you'd like?"

"That would be amazing." You grin and Kanaya smiles back.

"Alright then," She steps away and you exhale gratefully. "Since it's Karkat's wriggling day, there will be a small dinner in his honor. He'll give a speech, we'll give him our gifts, and then the Jive…"

"Wait, we have to give Karkat a gift!" You slap a hand to your forehead. "Shit. I don't have anything!"

"That's fine. The gifts are only meant to be given by true friends anyways. You shouldn't worry about that."

Her words are like slap to the face.

"True friends?" You repeat. "Karkat doesn't think that I'm a 'true' friend?!"

Kanaya shrugs as if it isn't a big deal.

"Don't be offended, John. You haven't known him that long." She points out. "I'm sure he doesn't expect anything from you, so don't worry about it."

You quietly resolve to find Karkat a gift before the party begins. Maybe you can talk Terezi or Equius into helping you alchemize something? It's worth a shot.

"What did you get him?" You ask curiously.

Her eyes brighten considerably and she turns around to snatch something off of a table behind her. A colorful clump of fabric is shoved excitedly under your nose.

"Rose is teaching me how to knit." Kanaya explains, admiring her gift fondly. "I'm still getting the hang of it, but I made him a scarf."

It looks more like a misshapen beanie to you, but you aren't about to burst her bubble by being critical. Her eye for color definitely worked it's way into her gift, so at least the mess of yarn is easy on the eyes. You think it would make a good oven mitt or something of the like.

"Okay, so we eat, give gifts, Karkat talks, and then what." You're caught up in the unbridled joy of learning.

"Then we dance." She says simply. "There are several customary routines that are performed, all including you and your partner."

"Can we trade partners? Like if Aradia wants to dance with someone else, can she do that?"

"If you give consent, yes." Kanaya explains.

You frown. 'Giving Consent' makes it sound like you have some sort of say in the matter, like it's up to you to decide if Aradia can have fun or not. You think that sounds a little barbaric.

"Is 'giving consent' actually a thing?"

"As I've mentioned before, the Mlpuia Jive is an age old practice, some rituals are lost as time passes, but giving your partner away has always been traditional." She says. "That being said, don't be afraid to ask anyone for a dance. I doubt anyone will refuse to share their partner."

"Okay," You hope that no one acts like an asshole tonight. "So you mentioned routines, like different dances right?"

"Yes." Suddenly Kanaya is very close to you again. "Here, put your hands like this."

She grabs both of your arms, puts your left hand on her waist, and then grips your right in hers like a vice. You're familiar with this position. It seems that different species that usually live light-years apart can't really come up with any different dancing postures.

"Now just follow me, okay?" She leads you a little forcefully around the room in a loose spiral shape.

You try to simultaneously avoid stepping on her toes and keep your palms from sweating too much. You fail on both counts, but Kanaya keeps any displeasure to herself. Eventually, after clumsily running a few circuits, you come to a stop back in the center of the room.

"What was that one called?" You ask.

"The Triple Ex Spin." She answers with a smile. "For your first time, it wasn't that bad."

"Really?"

"Of course." Kanaya extricates herself from you and subtly wipes your sweat off of her hands with on a nearby rag. "Aradia should be proud to have you as a partner."

You're feeling a little better and you're about to ask about other dances when you suddenly hear someone clapping. Both you and Kanaya turn towards the door.

"Bravo you two." Rose smirks in the doorway, clapping delicately. "That was a truly an impressive display of footwork, although I hope you aren't wearing out my partner too much, John. The Jive hasn't even begun yet."

"Hey, Rose." You beam at your friend. "Kanaya was just teaching me some sweet moves."

"I can see that." Rose steps fully into the room. "I truly apologize for missing our appointment last night. There aren't a lot of things that would cause me to forget a rendezvous with you, but it seems that horribly cheesy alien romance novels are one of them."

So much for the classy Alternian literature Kanaya claimed to have been 'perusing'.

"Don't mention it." You say. "I feel a little more prepared now thanks to Kanaya."

"Yes, she's quite the teacher, isn't she?" Rose winks at her partner and Kanaya flushes jade.

"Um… where is your dress, Rose?" Kanaya coughs into her hand. "You aren't dressed and although the Jive hasn't begun yet, it's certainly beginning soon."

"I'll change in a few minutes. I like your attire, by the way." Rose causes Kanaya to blush violently once more as she looks her over.

Kanaya's dress is elegant and probably deserves a thousand beautiful adjectives to describe it, but you feel like you summed it up pretty good earlier when you said it was "pretty" and "green".

"Thank you, Rose." Kanaya turns to you. "I'm sure that you'll be fine tonight, John. Do not be nervous. Now, do you think you could send Equius in here on your way out? I need to make alterations to his suit."

You hadn't mentioned anything about wanting to leave, but it seems like your presence is no longer required. You'll leave Rose and Kanaya to themselves for the time being, at least until you send Equius their way. It would have been nice to go through more of the dances with Kanaya, but then again, the XXX Spin wasn't that hard, leading you to believe that the others won't be so bad either.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tonight?" You start towards the door.

Rose is waving after you and then the door shuts firmly behind you. You trudge down the hall towards the room where you'd spent the last night, feeling sad about… something. You've been having trouble pinpointing your emotions ever since… well, ever since Vriska honestly.

You loved Vriska, right? And then she died and you're supposed to be sad… right? But you haven't cried. You haven't even felt all that upset about it. Maybe you can chalk it up to you being insanely busy with one thing or another all the time? Or maybe you don't feel her loss as heavily because you know that there's a way to bring her back?

You have a lot of questions, which will probably go unanswered until the day you finally die for good.

You just want to talk to someone who's good with people and emotions. You need to talk to someone you can trust, someone smart and…cool as a fuck.

The door to your temporary bedroom opens with a gentle push. It's a long room, lined with cots and currently unoccupied, save for Equius and Dave.

"So the Mobius Double Reach Around isn't a sex move?" Dave is asking.

"No, I'm afraid not." Equius responds with a shake of his head. "It's actually a…"

They both stop talking and look up when you come inside.

"Uh, hey guys." You stuff your hands in your pockets. "Kanaya wants to see you, Equius."

"Alright, if you'll excuse me." Equius rises from his cot and you step out of the way to let him out into the hallway.

"Sup, Egbert?" Dave nods at you, as you take a seat on the cot next to him.

He's splayed out on his own bed, lounging with his hands tucked underneath his head. He's wearing a suit that's completely red from head to toe and his shades, of course. In short: Dave looks like the epitome of cool.

"What were you guys talking about?" You ask, nodding after Equius.

"Just guy stuff," Dave shrugs. "As soon as he heard I was taking Nepeta to the dance he came down here to put me in my place."

"Seriously?"

"You bet. He gave me this long speech about respect and responsibility and keeping my hands to myself. Blah blah blah. It was a whole bunch of waffle. I eventually managed to change the subject though with a sweet deflection."

"Nice."

"I know right?" Dave stares up at the ceiling. "It was pretty sweet. You should have seen Rose's face when I told her that Nepeta asked me out, by the way. It was classic, although by this time she should know that no one can resist the Strider Charm."

"Oh, of course." You roll your eyes. "And when did you talk to Rose? I finally just bumped into her like five minutes ago. I looked all over for her last night!"

"I saw her this morning." Dave answers. "So I guess she didn't get the chance to teach you anything about the Jive, huh? She was been too busy macking on her hot alien girlfriend."

"No, she didn't teach me anything. I did get some lessons from Kanaya when she was dressing me up though." You flap your tie at Dave and he nods appreciatively. "So, are Rose and Kanaya actually dating? Like are they Matesprits?"

They'd certainly been spending a lot of time together ever since you'd all gotten on this ship, but you really didn't think that this dance would have any lasting effects on relationships. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the dance. Maybe Rose and Kanaya genuinely like each other for no other reason than 'just because'. You watch Dave as he ponders for a moment.

"I don't know really. The parameters for troll love quadrants have always been a little shaky with me. Honestly, who gives a fuck about that alien romance anyways?" He rolls onto his side and sets his shaded gaze upon yours. "But I'm gonna say this: if you want to hook up with my ecto-sis, you better act fast before it's too late."

"I… I don't…" You groan. "Dave, I'm still Matesprits with Vriska."

"I see. So just let me get this straight." He pushes himself up so that he's sitting directly across from you. "You won't go out with Rose, who I know for a fact that you have a huge boner for, because you're still dating Dead Vriska?"

"She's not really dead though." You wave your hand vaguely towards the sky. "It's complicated."

"No it isn't. If you like a girl, go and get her. Bing Bang Boom. End of discussion. Everyone is happy."

You're about to tell Dave to follow his own damn advice and go talk to Jade, but you remember your resolution to avoid picking fights. You'd rather not intentionally call out your best friend when he's only trying to help.

"It's not like that though." You frown, trying to think of how to phrase this. "I don't think girls are things that can be 'got' or whatever. Hell, I don't know what girls are. I just know that it isn't that easy."

"Sure, whatever." Dave flops back down on his bed, wrinkling his suit and not caring. "So tell me what you mean when you say that Vriska isn't'really dead'."

You're about to brush off the topic again, saying something about 'complications' or 'intuition' or something equally vague. But then you remember who you're talking to. You remember that you trust Dave and that he might actually be able to help. You decide to tell him everything.

And you do. You tell him about Rose killing you before going to blow up the Green Sun. You tell him about waking up your bedroom and meeting Vriska. You tell him about dream bubbles and magic rings, and he just lies there, listening patiently and scowling.

"I wouldn't tell anyone else about the ring." He says simply when you're finished.

"I haven't told anyone but you and Rose." You admit. "It's kind of personal stuff, I think."

"Yeah and also think about all of the trolls that died recently. Don't you reckon that some of these guys here might want to bring their friends back to life too? That ring is a hot commodity, man. I wouldn't put it past some of these trolls to try and take it from you."

"You don't think they already know about the ring? I mean, Vriska knew about it. Maybe everyone else does too?"

"I don't know. Everyone seems pretty convinced that their friends are dead for good. I don't know how Vriska found out, just make sure that no one else does, okay?"

"Alright." You understand where Dave is coming from, although you doubt that any of the trolls on this ship would double cross you. Well… maybe Terezi. "Should I tell Jade?"

"Good question."

Well that wasn't the answer that you were looking for. Oh well, you'll have to think about it. Of course you trust Jade. It's just that you know she can be a little bit of a chatty box. She'd never let crucial information slip normally, but honestly who knows what could happen when she's pressured?

Maybe you should give your ecto-sister more credit? Or maybe you've been burned enough by people you trusted that you should know better?

Regardless of additional raised questions, you feel better having talked to your best friend. Your little chat defiantly killed some time before the dance at least. You spend the rest of the afternoon scrounging up something to give Karkat as a gift for his Wriggling Day.

"Seriously, dude. You're actually getting that fucker a present?" Dave says when you tell him what you're doing. "The only thing Vantas needs is a good boot up the ass and a chill pill down the throat."

"I think you're missing the point of the Mullpialooza Jive, Dave." You say, rummaging through a set of drawers near the door. "It's supposed to promote companionship and stuff. Also it's Karkat's birthday."

"It just seems more like an asshole rumpus to me."

You eventually become satisfied with your choice of a gift and just in time too. The sun begins to set and before you know it, the time has come for you to either make a complete idiot of yourself or have a pretty good time. Needless to say, you hope it's the latter.

You reach up and adjust your tie for about the billionth time. It feels really tight and you think you might pass out from lack of oxygen. As a matter of fact, everything seems to be squeezing you too tight. Even the walls seem to be closing in like you're inside of some giant golden trash compacter.

A loud snapping sound draws you back down to earth.

"Jegus, Egbert you look like you're about to faint." Dave says, snapping a couple more times in front of your face for good measure.

"I guess I'm just a little nervous." Both you and Dave have moved from the room and are now stood by the stairs, twelve steps up towards the deck of the ship and your first real party in your life that you actually ever wanted to go to.

"Well don't be. You're going to be just fine, alright? I'm gonna make sure of it. You and I are going to be like two wieners in the same hotdog bun for the whole night, you got that?"

"Uh… sure." You'd like to have your best bud chilling with you, but you also want him to have fun too. You don't want to be a burden.

You're about to tell him as such when he suddenly claps you on the shoulders.

"Good." Dave says with a smirk. "Let's rock n roll then."

You both ascend the steps and walk out into the early evening night sky. It's a little chilly outside, leading you to believe that you're steadily heading out of LOHAC airspace and directly into LOFAF. That's still a good distance away from LOLAR and Jack Noir's second, stupid castle, about three more days by your estimate. You don't know though, you're the wind guy not the distance guy.

"There's Nepeta." Dave nods towards the front of the ship. "See you later, Bro."

"Wait, Dave- what the fuck!"

Your security blanket is striding across the ship like he owns the damn place and sideling up next to Nepeta like he owns her too, which knowing him, he probably already does. The crazy fucking cat girl actually looks sort of cute tonight. She's traded in her green trench coat and blue cat hat for a dark green dress. That tail is still attatached to her somehow though, being dragged across the ground like dead snake.

You wonder how Kanaya let that particular accessory slip past her dress code inspection. If Nepeta gets her damn tail, why can't you wear your awesome god tier hood? Life is so unfair some times.

A tap on the shoulder draws your attention and you turn to find yourself face to face with Aradia 'Sexy As All Fuck' Megido. You haven't even started dancing yet and your hands are already sweating like broken sprinklers.

"Hey." You say and smile politely.

"Hello." She smiles back and HOLY FUCK WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SAY NEXT?

"You look nice." You gesture up and down her figure. "Like really, really nice."

You mean it too. She's wearing dark red and her normally bushy hair has been perched atop her head in some sort of fancy do.

"Thank you, John." She reaches out and taps a finger against your chest. "You clean up pretty good yourself. I'm liking the tie."

"Oh, thanks." You chuckle. "Kanaya did it for me. Good thing too, I probably would have accidentally hung myself from the rafters if I'd tried to do it myself."

She laughs lightly and you realize that you probably shouldn't open up a date by making jokes about death or dying. Especially when a large number of your date's friends have met an untimely demise very recently.

"I suppose I owe Kanaya one then. I would have been pretty disappointed if my partner was killed before the dance, just because he couldn't correctly wrap a strip of fabric around his neck."

You then realize that this is no normal date and that this is no normal girl. All of the sudden, you aren't so nervous.

"Haha. Seriously though." You laugh and flip the tie around your hand. "What's the point of this thing? It's literally just 'a piece of fabric' around my neck."

"Ugh, don't get me started on pointless fashion articles. Have you seen these heels?" She puts a hand on your shoulder to steady herself and lifts her leg to show you her shoe. "I'm walking on stilts here."

You notice for the first time how tall Aradia is tonight. Where she usually comes up to you nose, she's now nearly eye level with you.

"Did Kanaya make them for you?"

"Yeah, she's been working overtime. I think she made everyone's outfit."

"Hmmm." You'll have to thank Kanaya later for all of her hard work. Even if you aren't capable of appreciating the craftsmanship it still seems like a lot of labor. "Well, maybe you can take them off later?"

"Yeah, maybe." Aradia quickly scans the deck. "Or maybe I can take them off now? Keep an eye out for fussy fangs, will you?"

"Sure." You watch Aradia dash to the nearest railing and deposit her shoes over the edge. Maybe some consort below will have use for them?

You take this time to look across the surface of the ship. Equius is standing at the wheel with Terezi on his arm. Dave is sitting with Nepeta at a long table erected on the very center of the deck. Jade is nowhere to be found, neither is Karkat.

A solid chunk of air catches in your throat when you catch sight of Rose. She's leaning against the far railing, chatting animatedly with Kanaya, and looking… well, there's no other word for it: Beautiful. Her face has been wiped of it's usual dark make up and now she just looks pleasantly plain.

Also gone is the black and purple dress, replaced with a bright orange affair. Well, that's a color you never thought you'd see her in. It looks nice against her pale skin and you decide it's possible that you are starting to appreciate Kanaya's fashion prowess. A pale blue head band adorns her soft, short blonde hair, completing the look.

"Wow, she looks really pretty." Aradia says to your left, having rejoined you.

"I know." You croak dryly.

"Did you know that she was going with Karkat?"

"What?" You turn to Aradia, confused, and see that she isn't looking in Rose's direction at all. Instead she's gazing towards the stairs.

You do a double, then triple take when you see who's delicately clutching Karkat's bicep. It's Jade, your ecto-sister and Dave's currently unrequited crush.

"So much for no drama." You mutter darkly.

* * *

**IT BEGINS! sort of.**

**Next chapter we'll catch up with other characters and probably get down to some more dancing. I write from John's POV a lot and I hope that doesn't bother any of you. His name is in the title of this fic after all. I love writing scenes with John and Kanaya, even thought they've only talked twice in canon. They're just a couple of my favorite characters.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	20. INT 1 - PART 5

**Chapter Twenty**

**Thanks to cheezebuns, Mouse, ferer56, and ObsessiveFanFictioner15 for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are Karkat Vantas. And today is probably the worst day of your entire life.

There are people _everywhere_, chattering, laughing, and just being straight up annoying. You fix your gaze directly in front of you and stare through Egbert's stupid head, looking towards something in the distance, towards a happier place and time. Anywhere but here.

"I hope you bitches are hungry!" Terezi giggles from your left.

A large pot, although it seems more like a wizard's cauldron, slams down onto the middle of the table. You hear the already stressed joints of the furniture groan in displeasure.

"What is it?" Jade asks on your right, leaning forward slightly to gaze over the lip of the pot.

"Grub Sauce," Terezi explains, taking her seat again. "It's for the Beefgrub."

Curiosity gets the better of you and you snap back to reality for a moment to investigate the contents of the pot. Sure enough, it's filled to the brim with delicious, viscous Grub Sauce. It's still steaming slightly and you take a second to waft in that tantalizing, smoky flavor. Maybe this night won't be so bad after all?

"Holy shit." Sneers a voice from Jade's other side. "Do you guys have any food that doesn't sound… I don't know, disgusting?"

Nope. This night is still going to suck bulge.

"Disregard him." Rose shoots her ecto-brother a look from across the table. "He has yet to grasp the significance of this occasion."

You have to disagree with the Rose Human. Dave Strider probably understands exactly how important the Mlpuia Jive is to all of you and plans to sully everything with those ironic quips of his. That's just the thing an asshole like him would try to do. You resolve to put as much distance between yourself and his pasty, stoic, douchey face as soon as possible.

For the time being though, you zone out again and imagine a universe where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

Dishes of Beefgrub are passed around and all of the trolls waste no time in scrambling over one another to ladle a generous helping of Grub Sauce onto their plate. The humans, predictably, hang back and watch for a while before making their move.

Rose samples the sauce before pushing it away subtly, John digs in hungrily, Dave doesn't even touch his plate and Jade…

"Shit." She mutters quietly. "How the hell are you supposed to eat this?"

The human girl is hacking at her Beefgrub with her knife like it's a block of wood or something, sawing through the meat viciously. You take pity on her not only because she's kind of your date, but because you hate to watch someone destroy a perfectly good dinner.

"You aren't supposed to slice it up like that." You snap and reach for her knife, but someone else beats you to it.

"Here, let me show you." Strider's hands are a fraction of a second quicker than yours. "I think it's just supposed to break apart."

As Strider cuts up her meat for her, Jade looks at you, quirks an eyebrow, and shrugs. You grimace in response. If Strider wants to play that game, let him. You're above such wriggler shenanigans. In all actuality, you might actually owe Strider one for getting Nepeta out of your hair. Maybe they'll hook up for real and go from a couple of your least favorite people to your least favorite couple?

That seems unlikely though, judging by the way he's pointedly ignoring her right now. As soon as you'd shown up with Jade he's been giving the cat girl the cold shoulder. That's strange behavior for sure, but then again, what's that human saying? The grass is always greener or something.

After Strider deems Jade's food is suitable for eating, having cut it down to bite-sized chunks, he leans away slightly and you catch a hushed exchange of words.

"What's your problem?" Jade hisses.

"Problem? I be having no problems, sugar." Dave replies, mock incredulous but equally muted.

"Whatever, Fuckass. Just back off, okay?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." There's a short pause, filled with the clatter of silverware and the white hum of conversation. "So Karkles asked you out, huh? That's real cute."

"What?"

"So what happened? Did he stand in a quadrant like he was playing foursquare, holding a bucket, and you were like _'sure, why not'_?"

"Shut up, Dave."

"I'm just curious." Another pregnant pause. "I just want to make sure that you understand what's going on here."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's pretty obvious, right?"

"_Obviously_ it isn't obvious to me."

"Karkat only asked you out to make me jealous."

You stab through your Beefgrub and into the plate cracking it in two.

That stupid son of a bitch. That ignorant, stupid, pretentious, son of a bitch.

You hold your breath, waiting for someone to acknowledge the idiocy behind Dave's statement or that you'd just wasted yet more resources by destroying one of your plates. However, John laughs loudly at some joke you didn't hear, Rose asks for another cup of Faygo, and then you feel it's safe to assume that your vandalism has remained undetected.

Dave's idiocy, on the other hand, is plain to see.

"This might be hard for you to understand, Dave," Jade growls. "But the whole universe doesn't revolve around _you_."

"That's not what I'm…"

"And contrary to popular belief," She cuts him off. "It's possible that there actually are people out there who like me for _me_."

"I think I need to start over." He sounds a little anxious now and normally you'd relish the break in his cool-dude facade, but right now though, you're more interested in Jade as she turns his back on him to face you.

"Do you want to dance?" She asks and you can see a slight glistening in the corner of her eyes that only increases the amount of hatred you harbor for one Dave Strider.

"Uh, sure." You drop your knife and stand up.

Jade follows and you haven't even gotten fully out of your chair before you're stopped.

"And just where are you going?" Kanaya commands your attention.

You look from your troll friend, to Jade, and down to Jade's hand, which is now wrapped around your arm again. When did that happen?

"Dance." You say dumbly.

"You can't leave yet, you have to give a speech."

Oh yeah. It's your wriggling day. Shit, you haven't thought of a speech at all.

"And we have to give you our presents." John interjects, much to your surprise.

Since when did he know about troll rituals such as the exchanging of wriggling day gifts? That windy dork must have done some research. You don't know whether to feel grateful or disgusted, so you just default to angry.

"Alright, you fuckers want a speech?" You bark and nearly everyone nods. Jade reluctantly reclaims her seat next to Dave and you continue. "Well then, alright. Fasten your seatbelts, because here it comes." You reach down and grab your cup of Faygo, still full, and raise it over your head. "Both of our home worlds have been destroyed and it's up to us to rebuild them by killing Jack Noir and beating this game. So let's do it. Amen!"

You drink from your cup and the Faygo bubbles down your throat. After a few gulps you finish your glass and slam it back down on the table. Everyone is staring at you. John is looking at you like you're some sort of prophet, Aradia looks bored, Strider is staring at his Beefgrub, and everyone else just looks downright nonplussed. Mission accomplished.

"Presents." You command, holding out your hand.

Only Kanaya, John, Terezi, and Nepeta pull out various packages. You're surprised. You'd expected a much worse haul than this, taking into consideration the fact that most of your true friends are dead and the ones still alive you've managed to push away with your horrible leadership skills.

You snatch Kanaya's first. It's beautifully wrapped in colorful paper, which you tear to shreds in about three seconds. Inside is a…

"What the fuck is this?" You unfurl the blob of yarn.

"It's a scarf." Kanaya sings merrily, her eyes alight. "I made it myself. Humans use it to keep themselves warm."

"Thanks." You drop the scarf on the table. You suppose you can always use it as an oven mitt. "Next!"

You fumble Nepeta's gift when she throws it at you, eager to have her present opened next. It's a box decorated with tiny green cats. With a sigh, you pull open the top and WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

You turn to box upside down and a dead bird flops onto the table.

"I caught that myself!" Nepeta chirps proudly, licking her lips. "You should have seen me Karkitty. The Mighty Huntress stalked her prey to the bow of the ship and…"

"Yeah. Fantastic." You interrupt her and quickly brush the bird onto the floor. "Next!"

Terezi passes you an envelope. It's a little heavy and there's a metallic _clink_ whenever you shift it. This better not be money. It would be just like Terezi to give you something that used to be important, but is now currently useless, just to spite you.

You rip open the envelope and see that it's a silver necklace.

"That used to be mine." Terezi laughs softly, with a wide grin. "It's just a little something to remember me by."

It's heavy and a Libra charm hangs from the gleaming chain. You shove it in your pocket.

"Shiny." You mutter and avoid your former Matesprits gaze. "Thanks, Terezi."

"Don't mention it."

You barely register John waving something in your face.

"Here's my gift, Karkat." He smiles excitedly.

You wordlessly pull a piece of paper out of his grasp. It's a card.

The outside reads: "Happy Wriggling Day Karkat!" in big block letters. You flip it open to find a messily drawn picture of… well you guess that it's supposed to be _you_. Jegus, Egbert is worse at drawing than Terezi.

There's the drawing of you, something that vaguely resembles the golden airship you're currently riding, more words reading: "Karkat is Number One", and a final picture that is somewhat phallic.

"What the fuck is this supposed to be?" You thrust the card back at John and indicate the odd drawing.

"Oh, that's a balloon." He says with a grin. "So, do you like my card?"

"It's wonderful. A true heirloom in the making." You stow the card next to the pendant in your pocket. "Now are we done?"

Everyone remains silent and you take that as a _'yes'_.

"Good." You turn to Jade. "Let's dance."

* * *

= Be Kanaya Maryam

You are now Kanaya Maryam. And today is probably the best day of your entire life.

All of those hours spent below deck, sweating over the Alchemiter have finally paid off. Everyone is looking snazzy in their custom made outfits, with a few exceptions of course. How the hell did Nepeta find that stupid tail of hers? You'd done your best to hide it earlier when she wasn't looking, but apparently your best isn't enough.

Aradia also managed to ditch her shoes somehow between coming upstairs and sitting down for dinner, something that not only seems wasteful and a little insulting, but completely unsanitary. She's walking around barefoot when the dead bird Nepeta brought is literally rolling around somewhere on the deck.

Under normal circumstances, these little wardrobe malfunctions might have been enough to spoil your good mood. Not tonight though. Tonight all of your dreams and more are coming true at once. You have a beautiful date, you're dress is fabulous, and you've just eaten more than enough delicious Beefgrub to tide you over until next sweep. Life is pretty good right now.

All that's left to do is wait for it to fall apart.

You watch Karkat lead Jade towards the far end of the deck, whilst Equius retrieves the music box from below deck. He starts it up and the twangy chords of Neven F's _"Do the Nevolution"_ begin to take you back in time.

You're a little troll girl, sitting outside your hive with your lusus and listening to the troll radio as you watch the Alternian clouds drift lazily overhead. As a rainbow drinker, you're the only troll on board that can say they've enjoyed many a day's lounging under the warm sun.

"Hey." A tap on your shoulder draws you back to the present. "Would you like to dance?"

It's Rose and now that you think about it, there's nothing else you would rather do at the moment.

You nod and both you and Rose get to your feet. The table is now vacant, save for Nepeta and Dave.

"Come on, cool kid." Nepeta is tugging at the sleeve of his red suit. "Let's go Jive!"

"No, just leave me alone." He responds with his voice deadpan and his mouth drawn in a thin frown. He's busy staring at his plate full of Beefgrub.

You don't catch the rest of their conversation, because Rose has just taken you by the hand and is leading you towards an open spot on the deck. You follow obediently, trying to control your breathing. Rose really does look ravishing in the dress that you made. It accentuates her curves and draws more color from her usually pale skin. You, of course, knew this would be the effect when you first made it.

"Whoops!" Rose stumbles slightly over her own feet and you tighten your grip on her hand to steady her.

"Are you alright?" You ask, concerned.

"Oh, yes." She smiles at you. "I'm just not used to walking in high heels."

"I see. You know, dancing would probably be easier if you didn't have that with you." You indicate the cup of Faygo in her hand and giggle softly.

"Right, sorry." She takes a step towards the table again and stumbles once more. "Uh… Kanaya?"

"Yes."

"This Faygo doesn't contain alcohol. Does it?"

"It does. Terezi always makes spiked Faygo, since the virgin equivalent is rather tasteless for us." You explain.

"Alright." Rose is starting to look a little green.

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Well… you know." She wobbles slightly on the spot. "Enough."

"Do you want to sit down for a bit? Maybe drink so water?"

"No, no, no." She waves you off. "You want to dance, so we're going to dance. Let me just…"

Rose looks around for a place to stow her cup, since the table is obviously too far for her to drunkenly navigate towards, and eventually settles for putting it on the ground.

"… put that there for now." She finishes and then turns to you with a grin. "So where were we?"

"I believe we were about to dance." You want to suggest that she sit down for a bit again, but you doubt that she'll agree. You'd rather avoid an argument with the inebriated therapist anyway.

"You believe right." She snakes her arms around your waist and you lightly rest yours around her slim neck.

Gently the pair of you rock from side to side. This isn't the correct dance (hell, you doubt that this even _is_ a dance) for the current song, but you're not going to push your luck by performing anything more complicated with your partner in her present state.

"You look really pretty tonight, Rose." You say quietly, as if you might ruin the moment by talking too loud.

"Hmmm." She hums in response and you notice that she isn't even looking at you.

Her gaze is pointed somewhere over your shoulder and when you investigate the source of her interest, you find that she's been watching John dance rather poorly with a patient Aradia. You frown, despite yourself.

"You can go dance with him if you want to." You whisper, quieter still. "I won't mind."

"What?" Rose shakes her head like she's waking up. She looks at you and your frown. "Oh, I see. Kanaya, it isn't like that at all."

"Well then what is it like? If you didn't want to go with me then you should have…"

Her finger gets pressed against your lip. You swallow hard.

"I'm going to stop you right there." She's glaring at you seriously, although the effect is a little ruined as her words begin to slur. "I came here tonight with _you_. I am here with _you_ now. And I will be with _you_ later. You misinterpret my interest in John as some lopsided pining, when in actuality I'm…"

She trails off and you wait patiently for her to continue. When she doesn't, you're forced to move her finger away from your mouth so that you can speak instead.

"Rose?"

"Hmmm." She snaps her attention back to you, her gaze having begun to drift back towards John and his date.

"You were just saying something."

"I know. Forgive me for being hesitant. I'm just getting my thoughts in order."

"I understand. It's okay." You've seen the way that she talks to John and Dave and Karkat and everyone else. She doesn't hesitate like this. You doubt she ever has to pause to _'get her thoughts in order'_ with them.

You're starting to feel a little upset. In a surprising display of courage, you lean forward and rest your head on Rose's shoulder next to her cheek. She doesn't respond to the increase of surface area now being shared between you, other than a slight catch in her breath.

You close your eyes and wait for her to be honest with you. If honesty is even possible with Rose Lalonde.

"Kanaya." She eventually says after a while. "Can I tell you something… in confidence?"

It almost seems too good to be true.

"Of course." You say to her neck. "You can tell me anything."

Rose's breathing quickens along with her pulse. You can feel it against your cheek.

"Sometimes I hear… voices."

Welp. You certainly didn't see that coming.

You lean back, putting distance between your bodies again, in order to examine her face fully. You're half expecting her to be wearing that signature smirk of hers. The one that can typically be accompanied by a phrase such as _'got ya!'_. However, there is no smirk. There isn't even the mask of calm stoicism.

Rose Lalonde looks afraid.

"So… er…" You need to say something right now. "Tell me about these voices."

And she tells you. Right there on the dance floor, amongst your friends and acquaintances, who are all dancing merrily around you. She talks about her experiences while being held by the Horrorterrors, her nightmares about John's death, her escape, and the quest for revenge.

All in all, its terrible date conversation, but you're willing to give her a pass on this one. It certainly seems like she needs to get this stuff off of her chest, which begs another question:

"Why haven't you told anyone about this? Why haven't you told John?" You speak in hushed tones as Equius and Terezi spin past. "If the voices only go away when you're with him, doesn't it seem smart to include him in this discussion?"

She thinks for a moment and you begin to wonder if she's zoning out again, until she snaps back into attention.

"I've considered telling him of course, but this isn't exactly an easy topic to bring up. I'm sure you understand." Rose sighs heavily. "If I'm being completely honest, the problem doesn't lie in my doubt of John's understanding. It's more that…"

"You think he'll reject you." You finish for her.

"Yes, of course." She smiles at you. "You're so smart, Kanaya."

"Thank you. I appreciate that." Your voice is dull, but she doesn't seem to notice.

Is this really all you are? The second choice? Was your first real chance at a relationship just another unattainable leisure?

"I think I'm going to be sick."

You make a mental note to keep alcohol away from Rose in the future.

"Come on. Let's get you to your room." You hold her by the forearm and gently guide her towards the stairs. "Watch your step on the stairs, okay?"

"Okay." The pair of you reach the top of the steps. "Kanaya?"

"Yes."

"You look really pretty."

"Thank yo-"

You interrupted by her lips being pressed against yours. For a moment, all is bliss and you're ready to forget and forgive everything she said about drinking, and hearing voices, and John. You've just begun to wrap your arms around her waist, to draw her closer, when she begins to tip.

"Rose!"

You tighten your grip, but it's too late. Your date slips from your grasp and slides down the stairs like a bobsled down an icy hill. Eventually she comes to a rest at the base of the steps with a solid _thunk_ and a tiny _'ow'_.

"Dammit! I warned you about those stairs." You hike up your skirt and start after her. "I told you, Rose!"

* * *

= Be Aradia Megido.

You are now Aradia Megido. And today is not the worst day of your entire life, nor is it the best day. It's not a _'ten out of ten, would do again'_, but it isn't a _'one out of ten, what could have been'_ either. So far tonight has just been… alright.

And that's perfect for you.

You bite back a howl of pure agony as John steps on your toes again.

"Shit. I'm sorry." He responds yet again. "That was an accident."

"I know. Don't worry." You blink back salty tears.

"I swear that I practiced this once." He continues. "Kanaya told me it was the XXX Triple Spin."

"You mean the Triple Ex Spin?"

"Yeah, that's it." He grins at you goofily and you're inclined to smile back.

You dance in silence for a while and you pretend not to notice how he awkwardly looks down every few seconds so as to make sure that your toes remain uncrushed. The song ends and you transition to a much slower and thankfully simpler dance.

"Hey, so you know how Nepeta gave Karkat a dead bird?" He asks randomly.

"Yes." It was a rather weird gift in your opinion, but then again, Nepeta is a rather weird girl.

"Well, I didn't know that there were birds in the medium. I thought there were just consorts and stuff, but not birds." He seems perplexed. "I saw them flying around LOWAS earlier too."

Now that you think about it, you've actually never seen a bird before in the medium until now.

"Hmmm, that's interesting." You say. "What do you suppose that means?"

"I don't know." He thinks again for a moment, before laughing abruptly. "I just realized that this is terrible _'date talk'_."

"So this is a date?"

John's eyes widen in panic and he splutters uselessly.

"Wh- well- I mean… no, of course not. I'm just…"

You let out a peal of laughter, catching him off guard.

"Jegus, John. I'm just teasing you."

"Oh." He breathes a sigh of relief. "Okay. Haha."

A shout from across the deck suddenly draws your attention. Both you and John turn to watch Kanaya disappear quickly down the stairs.

"Uh, do you think everything is okay?" John asks, looking nervously towards where Kanaya just vanished.

"I'm sure everything's fine. Rose probably just fell down the stairs."

He blinks at you in surprise.

"Seriously?" He glances at the stairs again. "Maybe I should go check and make sure she isn't dead."

"Alright, be careful though. You've had a lot to drink yourself and I think one drunken tumble is enough for one night."

"What? How can Rose be drunk? All we've had is Faygo."

"Yeah, I know." You say. "But this Faygo contains alcohol, John."

"Really?" John frowns. "I've had like… twelve cups though."

Now it's your turn to be surprised.

"John, that's a shit ton of Faygo. I mean, Jegus. You could die."

"I'm pretty sure that I would just come back though." He shrugs. "Alcohol doesn't really affect me that much anyways." He looks towards the stairs again. "I'm sorry, Aradia. I'll be right back."

You simply nod and let John's hand slip from yours as he makes his way towards the stairs. His lack of self preservation disturbs you a little, although you feel that if John really was at risk of alcohol poisoning, it would be more obvious. Right now he's steady on his own two feet, walking directly towards the stairs.

Should you feel bothered that your date ditched you? Maybe. But then again, you doubt that your friendship with John will ever develop into anything more. He's nice and everything, but you've never been the _'dating'_ type.

Not to mention the impending assault on Jack Noir's castle and difference of species getting in the way. Also, his Matesprit, Vriska, died recently. So he probably isn't looking to play the field again anytime soon.

You meander around Jade and Karkat, the only pair left dancing, and head towards the table where Terezi, Nepeta, and Dave are now sat.

You think that your time spent with John has been good for you. He's the first person to take any sort of positive interest in you since…

You decide not to think about _him_ at the moment. The memory is still fresh, no matter how hard you try to squash down the depressing thoughts. Plus, you've wasted enough time in a funk recently without spoiling the first and probably last Mlpuia Jive you'll ever attend.

"Come on, Dave." Nepeta is whining when you reach the table. She's standing next to her date, hopping from foot to foot like she has to pee.

"Just go dance with someone else." He groans, resting his head on the table. "I'm just… really tired, okay?"

You take a seat as far away from their squabble as possible and scoop up an empty glass. The pitcher of Faygo is almost empty so you just drain the rest of it into your cup. It's rather bitter tasting in your opinion, and despite John's ridiculous level of tolerance, chock full of buzzing liquor.

"Hey, Megido. Are you having a good time, yet?" Asks a voice from your left.

"So far it's been pretty enjoyable." You respond to Terezi. "Although the weather could be a little nicer."

"You're telling me." Terezi rubs at her exposed arms. "What happened to Egbert? Did he ditch you already?"

"He just needed to check on something." You respond evenly, whilst trying not to sound too defensive. "Where's Equius?"

"He cheezed it right after John." She shrugs. "Apparently he had to check up on something too."

The table shakes a little as Nepeta throws herself in the seat next to Terezi.

"The Mighty Huntress paws over to her hunting complain and rubs her whiskers against her in an affectionate manner." Nepeta proceeds to press her cheek into Terezi's shoulder.

"What is it, oh powerful Huntress?" Terezi asks, while you roll your eyes.

"Come dance with me. Dave is being a real thorn in my paw." Nepeta sets her enormous, green eyes upon Terezi in her most pleading expression possible.

"I'd love to, Nepeta, but I'm nursing this at the moment." Terezi waves a rather large cup of Faygo around, sloshing a good amount onto her dress and the table. "Maybe in a few minutes."

Nepeta's head snaps around to you.

"Aradia?"

You don't like Nepeta enough to say _'yes'_, but you don't dislike her enough to say _'no'_. Once again you're blissfully caught in the wonderful zone of indifference. However, the choice is made for you.

"I'm sorry, Nepeta. I forgot to ask John if I could dance with anyone else." You rest your elbows on the table, settling in for a short rest. "I'll ask when he gets back, okay?"

Apparently your words aren't enough to sate Nepeta's dancing fever.

"Fuck!" She flops back in her chair. "This is the worst dance ever! Of all time!"

* * *

**Next time: The finale! Then we'll get back into the main story. Most of my Alternian culture is made up, although I do my best to make it as close to the canon stuff as possible. Hussie's universe is pretty damn extensive, but the good thing about Fanworks is that the writer can kind of do whatever they want. Within reason of course.**

**Thanks for reading. I appreciate advice and such.**  
**- Mike**


	21. INT 1 - PART 6

**Chapter Twenty-One**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are John Egbert. Which means you're currently absconding the fuck away from you pleasant date to investigate as to whether or not your good friend, Rose Lalonde, has just succumbed to yet another drunken misadventure.

You should have asked if there was going to be alcohol at the party. Any good friendleader would have done so in order to insure the safety of his friends. You mentally curse yourself for your lack of foresight. If you'd just been a little bit smarter, then Rose wouldn't be in this situation right now.

You jog down the steps and into the belly of the ship. It doesn't take long for you to locate Rose, since all you have to do is follow the violent sounds that only accompany a harsh vomiting session. She's down the hall and to the left, in the girl's bedroom.

Similar to the room you're currently calling home, it's lined with canvas cots. Although you have to admit that the girl's room is a few parsecs cleaner and better scented. You wonder why the trolls felt the need to divide the ship into girls and boys. If they don't differentiate between genders, what would it matter to them if you all slept in the same room?

Maybe Rose and Jade requested to have separate living quarters away from the guys? Or maybe Karkat wanted to try and keep you and Dave from hooking up with any troll girls? If that's really his goal, then he's done a shit job of it so far. He should have known that a few walls and a verbal warning wouldn't have been enough to prevent interspecies relationships.

Anyways, you step into the girl's room to find Rose kneeling on the floor, leant over a plastic box and heaving the contents of her stomach into its depths like a runaway fire hose. Kanaya is standing awkwardly off to the side, a little unsure about what to do by the looks of it.

"Hey, uh." You wave towards her. "Is everything alright?

Kanaya's head snaps to you in surprise. She didn't notice you come in apparently. For a fraction of a second, her pretty face twists with annoyance before finally settling on a thin, tight-lipped frown.

"Yes, Rose just felt a little ill." She says calmly. "A little too much of the Faygo I'm afraid."

"Oh yeah. Did you know it had alcohol in it?" You ask. "Aradia just told me it did."

Kanaya opens her mouth to respond, but Rose suddenly pulls her head out of the box.

"Who is that?" She rasps over her shoulder. "Is that you, John?"

"Um, yes?" You take a step forward. "How are you feeling, Rose?"

"Come here." She doesn't answer your question, but throws her hand back, palm up, waiting for you to take it.

You look at Kanaya and shrug, while she continues to frown, then cross the rest of the distance to Rose's side. Kneeling down next to your friend you take her hand gently in yours. Her skin is hot and you wonder if she's either just throwing up because she can't hold her alcohol or if she's really sick.

"Do you, um… need anything?" You ask the parts of Rose that aren't buried in the box.

"Water would be nice."

"I'll get it." Kanaya says, quickly turning on her heel and striding towards the door determinedly.

You hope that she returns soon. The last time you were alone with a drunken Lalonde was incredibly awkward and confusing. You watch Rose wretch again, before reaching up with her free hand to tuck her blonde strands behind her ear. It's futile though, the locks tumble down again around her face.

"Here." You slide your hand out of hers to collect as many of the blonde hairs as you can, before pinning them against the nape of her neck, out of harm's way.

"Thanks." She says, spitting into the box.

"Don't mention it."

Rose breathes heavily, shivering like she's cold.

"Promise me something, John."

"Okay."

"If you ever see me with any sort of alcohol ever again," She says. "Just punch me right in my stupid face."

You bark with laughter.

"Haha. Rose, your face isn't stupid."

You expect her to chuckle or smile a little, but instead she turns to you with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Despite her greenish complexion and sour breath, she still looks pretty cute.

"Do you really mean that? She asks completely seriously.

"Of course." You grin at her. "Your face is one of the smartest ones around."

"John… that's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me."

You snort with laughter and tear your eyes away from hers. Holy shit, who knew that getting drunk would have this effect on her? You'd encountered many things on your journey, but ridiculous, silly Rose Lalonde is probably the most stunning.

"Well that's actually pretty sad." You say with a chuckle.

"It is, isn't it?" She frowns and turns back to the box to spit into it again. After a while, she continues. "I fell down the stairs, John."

"Yeah, Aradia said that…"

"After I kissed Kanaya," She cuts you off. "I fell down the stairs."

And then she's giggling like a madwoman and reaching towards you with a shaky hand, grabbing a fistful of your jacket.

"Can you believe that?!" Rose grins at you. "_Me_. I kissed her."

You don't know what's so funny, but Rose seems to be having a ball at the thought of her smooching on Kanaya. Something heavy and large in your stomach rolls over and you suddenly wish that Rose hadn't told you what happened. You could have gone the rest of your life without knowing that Rose had… kissed someone.

Someone other than you.

It's not like you had that market cornered or anything. Both times that you've locked lips with Rose, she'd been incapacitated to one degree or another. It's not like she actually wanted to kiss you. It's not like you'd ever expected her to feel anything other than friendship for you. You're always going to be her goofy, dorky friend named John Egbert.

The block of lead in your gut rolls over again, crushing your lungs and making it hard to breathe.

You're with Vriska anyways. It's not like you could ever leave Vriska for Rose, not when you love your Matesprit already.

You do love your Matesprit… Right?

Of course you do. You have to love Vriska. You had sex with her, right? That means that you love her. You know that, you've always known that. Cameron Poe and Tricia Poe loved each other and they had sex. Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor were in love and they had sex too.

So you love Vriska. That's just the way things are.

You remember Vriska crying in Equius's lab and her defending you against Dave's Bro. You remember her killing you and stealing your shirt.

Rose dry heaves into the box, drawing you back to the present. You're still painfully aware of the heavy weight in your stomach, only increasing in density when you look at the soft curve of Rose's ear as her head bobs over box again.

Where the hell did Kanaya go to get that water? Fucking LOWAS?! She sure is taking her sweet time.

Rose is talking again.

"I'm sorry, John." She mumbles. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay."

"We were supposed to dance. I- I was… I'm supposed to save you a dance, remember?"

Oh… _That's_ what she's talking about.

"Rain check?" You offer.

"No." She pulls her head up again to look at you. "Let's dance right now."

You're smiling again, despite yourself.

"I don't think that's a good idea at the moment, Rose."

As fun as it would be to stumble around the room, dodging cots and trying to keep her upright, you'd rather not attempt dancing with her in her current state. She looks disappointed… like, really disappointed. Like she might cry.

"Why don't you want to dance with me, John?" She pouts. "I'm a good dancer. I took tap lessons."

"Really? When?"

"When I was little." She holds up her hand, index finger and thumb about an inch apart for emphasis.

Tap dancing? You learn new stuff every day. You wonder whether Rose asked to be signed up for tap dancing lessons if her mother pushed her into it in some veiled, passive aggressive ploy to get on her nerves. You don't know, so you decide to ask.

"Did you want to take tap dancing lessons?"

"Yes, of course." Rose rolls her eyes as if you'd just asked a stupid question. "It was the most fun I've ever had without…"

"Ahem." A delicate cough from behind interrupts your conversation.

It's Kanaya.

"I have the water." She says, thrusting the cup towards Rose.

Rose takes it and drinks greedily, her talk with you apparently forgotten for the time being. That's alright though. You got the answer that you wanted. It isn't hard for you to imagine a smaller version of your Rose, gracefully pirouetting around on stage in front of a crowd of adoring parents and one particular alcoholic mother, half asleep in the front row.

"I can take it from here, if you want to get back to the party." Kanaya nudges you with her toe, snapping you from your thoughts.

"Oh…" You look from her, to Rose, then back to her again. "Yeah. Right."

You stand up and Kanaya switches spots with you, taking up Rose's hair in one hand and resting her other on the small of her back. You stand there, awkwardly staring at the pair of them for a moment. They're both really pretty, really smart, and really… just so similar in your opinion. You're having a hard time imagining a scenario where you fit in somewhere, not that you'd want to… because you have Vriska.

And you love her.

"I'll keep an eye on her." Kanaya is saying, trying to usher you away. "She's in good hands, John."

The bulky something is still in your gut, as heavy and powerful as ever. You know, somehow, that it will always be there, that it always has sort of has been.

"Yeah," You turn to leave. "I know."

The door shuts behind you rather loudly, but you don't really care. The strange music is still blaring loudly above on the deck and it's not like anyone is trying to sleep or anything. It just seems oddly deafening in the small corridor.

You might as well rejoin the party, even though you feel pretty spent for some reason. It would be nice to sleep, but pretty rude in your opinion. It's still Karkat's wriggling day and you feel some obligation to go back upstairs and celebrate with him.

A few steps towards the stairs and suddenly your path is blocked by something large and intimidating. Or rather, _someone_ large and intimidating.

"Oh, hey Equius." You smile up at your friend. "Sorry, man. I didn't see you there."

You try to step around him, but a bulky arm blocks your path.

"A word, Egbert. If you please." His deep voice seems to vibrate the very floor beneath your feet.

He doesn't wait for a response before pressing a large palm down on your shoulder and steering you away from the stairs and further into the heart of the ship. You have to admit, you're a little nervous. What does he want to talk about? Is this some sort of weird troll ritual associated with the Mlpuia Jive called '_Beat Up the Human Kid Named John'_? You don't think that you could fight off Equius even if you tried.

Eventually you come to a stop outside of a door you've yet to see opened, but then again you haven't really explored the ship that much. What's inside this room? Could it be a special place full of furry animals and delicious treats? That seems unlikely giving Equius's current mood. Most likely it's the place where cleaning up your blood will be the easiest.

"In here." Equius commands, opening the door and pushing you inside.

It's pretty dark and when Equius shuts the door, you're suddenly cast into darkness.

"Well, er… Equius, buddy." You swallow. "Is there- uh, a reason for all of this?"

A switch is flicked and a light bulb is illuminated overhead. Fuck, you had no idea he was standing that close to you. His suit is soaked in sweat, nothing new there, and you notice that he's chewing his lip nervously. The pair of you are standing in what looks like a generic supply closet, although the absence of cleaning buckets is duly noted.

"Straight to the point, John." Equius says. "What is going on between you and Aradia?"

You breathe a heavy sigh of relief. He notices your loss of tension.

"What?" He demands. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry." You wipe a little sweat off your brow. "I just thought you brought me in here to murder me or something for whatever reason. Gog, am I stupid."

You start to laugh, but trail off quickly when Equius lowers his cracked shades to glare at you.

"This is a serious matter, Egbert. I request that you answer my question immediately." He's seems one part anxious and one part angry.

You may be socially inept in the worst way, but you do have your moments every once and a while. Right now, you can easily tell that Equius has got the hots for your date and that's fine with you. If he wants to be with Aradia, who are you to stand in his way?

"Look, Equius." You try to put him at ease. "Nothing is going on between me and Aradia. We just came to the Jive as friends. I don't like her at all. I mean, she's cool and stuff, but I really don't think she likes me like that…" You pause for a second, thinking. "Does she?"

He also stops to think.

"I don't know," He frowns. "But you are saying that you hold no flushed feelings for Aradia at the present moment?"

"The present moment or any moment in the future." You shrug. "I'm with Vris… I mean, I'm not really looking for a Matesprit right now, or a Morial, or anything else like that. And I seriously doubt that Aradia is looking for any of that either, with me at least. You should still try though."

He looks at you incredulously.

"Who ever said that I'm interested in Aradia?" He says. "I'm a High Blood, and therefore have no reason to associate with Low Bloods such as her. This conversation is merely… causal banter."

"Casual banter?"

"Yes. Just pleasant chatter between two friends."

"You forced me into a closet, Equius."

"Forgive me for not wanting to be interrupted." He throws the door open and steps out into the hallway again. "I'll see you upstairs."

He turns to leave, but you follow quickly.

"Hey, Equius." You jog after him.

"Yes?"

"You should ask Aradia to dance." You say, then continue before he can respond. "Yeah, I heard what you said about the High and Low blood or whatever, but that just seems silly to me. If you really like someone that stuff shouldn't matter. It's what's on the inside that counts."

"But, John." He cocks his head. "Her blood actually _is_ inside her…"

"Yeah, I know. Just give me a second. That was a bad use of an idiom." You rub the back of your neck. "What I'm trying to say is: just follow your heart, okay?"

"My heart?" Equius echoes. "John, that's ridiculous. My heart is an organ which pumps…"

"Shut up and ask her to dance!"

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too... Or is it?

If you were anyone else, you'd probably be having a semi-pleasurable time. Hell, even Rose, who's currently coughing her skeleton up into a box, got some dancing and smooching in beforehand. You, on the other hand, are just sitting at this table, stewing in your self-hatred and regret like some kind of baby carrot in a Crockpot.

On a slightly unrelated side-note, you think that it's pretty bullshit that baby carrots don't exist in real life. Before the world was destroyed, there weren't people out there in little farms, growing little carrots. They grew regular carrots and cut them down into baby form. That's fucking lame.

Well, that's what Jade told you at least. That little green thumbed cutie.

Speaking of Jade, she's currently in the process of grinding on your least favorite person/troll in the whole universe. Watching them gyrate on the floor like a couple of hooligans to this bizarre alien music really gets your blood boiling. Why the fuck didn't you go and find Jade the second you heard about this stupid Jive? A lot of unwanted problems could have been solved if you were just quicker on the ball and maybe a little humbler too, just a little.

You hear Nepeta a few feet away, whining to her troll friends about what a shitty person you are. She's saying some pretty rude things about you, stuff about your mom and whatnot. You could care less though. Nepeta's never met your mom and neither have you. Also you're currently in the process of hating yourself and whatever Nepeta says about you isn't nearly as brutal as what you have to say about yourself.

On a slightly unrelated side-note, you guess that the closest thing you have to a mother is Rose's actual mom, or your ecto-mom, or something. John's ectobiological shenanigans really fucked up your family tree, which once consisted of just you and Bro. You don't know rather to slap John or shake his hand, so you'll just do neither.

Anyways, from what you hear from Rose, her mom is quite the piece of work. You wonder if Mama Lalonde and you would get along okay. Despite whatever Rose says, she doesn't know what it's like to not have a mom. You think it'd be pretty cool to have one though and that's saying a lot coming from you, the king of _cool_.

A high-pitched peal of laughter draws you up from the salty depths of heavy musing. Jade is giggling like a lunatic in Karkat's arms as they spin around in some complicated figure eight shape. Karkat looks slightly less angst ridden than usual and just sitting here, watching them be sort of happy together, causes that boiling hot blood to cool a little.

Maybe Jade deserves to be happy with Vantas for a little while? She sure as hell didn't have much human contact growing up on that island with her ancient Grandpa and mysterious dog, Bec, let alone human _boy_ contact. Maybe Jade deserves to have Karkat and vice versa?

**HELL FUCKING NO.**

You stand up and suddenly a hand comes down on your shoulder, forcing you back into your seat.

"Trust me, Bro." John says, plopping down next to you. "You don't want to do that."

"Do what?" You snap at him.

"You were about to run over there and ruin their night." He replies, with a nod towards Jade and Karkat.

"Pshhhh." You wave off the gross accusation and add another: "Pssshhhhhhh." For good measure.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." John chuckles. "Listen, you aren't going to look like the good guy if you just run in there and break them up."

"Well what do _you_ suggest exactly?" You notice that your level of snark has risen to new heights, probably due to over-exposure to your ecto-sister. You decide to tone it down a bit, since John's really only trying to help.

"You could wait for them to finish a dance," He explains. "Then swoop in, apologize for being a dick, and then _politely_ ask Jade to dance with you."

Oh, really now. How can John possibly think that it's that simple?

"How can you possibly think that it's that simple?" You ask.

"Because it is. Jade doesn't hold a grudge. You know that. She most likely just wants to forgive and forget as quickly as possible. The sooner things get back to normal between you two, the better."

"What about Vantas?"

You doubt that Karkat will be as quick to _'forgive and forget'_ and judging by the look on John's face, he's probably thinking the same thing. You don't know whether to be pleased that you stumped John, or disappointed that he doesn't have a solution to that particular problem.

John looks down the length of the table, where the troll girls, Terezi, Aradia, and your date Nepeta, are chatting. An imaginary light bulb illuminates over his head.

"Just leave it to me." He says with a grin and then turns to someone sitting on his other side, whose presence you hadn't noticed until now. "Alright Equius, it's time to rock n' roll."

The large, high-blooded troll looks a little nervous.

"I don't know, John." He says. "I think that maybe I shouldn't…"

"Nonsense!" John cuts him off and jumps to his feet, grabbing Equius by the arm and hauling him towards the girls. "I'm making this happen."

Not wanting to miss the excitement, but wanting to maintain your cool pretense of indifference, you sigh, reluctantly climb to your feet, and follow your best friend and Equius.

"Hey there, uh… ladies." John says, smothering the girls in James Bond levels of smooth. "How's it going?"

"Hello, John." Aradia says with a small smile. "We're good. How's Rose holding up?"

"She's fine, just a little too much to drink."

Dammit! Once again you've managed to miss an episode of _'Drunk Lalonde'_ starring Rose, missing out on a great time and a veritable treasure trove of teasing material. Oh well, next time.

"Some people just aren't cut out for life in the fast lane!" Terezi cackles, rocking back and forth in her chair. She's obviously had her fair share of Faygo. "What color was her puke?"

"It was red." John says, wrinkling his nose at the memory. Terezi snickers and John continues. "Anyways, I have an idea: let's not talk about that anymore."

"Why not?" Nepeta chimes in. "It's purrrty funny. On a scale of one to ten, how green was her face?"

"I bet it was a solid forty-two!" Terezi shrieks with laughter.

"Forty-two isn't between one and ten." John reprimands. "And it _isn't_ funny. Anyone could have gotten sick."

"Your right." Terezi says. "But it was flawless, little Rose, therefore it's _hilarious_."

"I know, right?" Nepeta giggles. "Just imagine her." The cat girl mimes coughing up a hair ball and Terezi cackles loudly again.

John's eyebrows knit and you can tell that he's getting upset. That's interesting. You've never seen John angry before. Half of you wants to see him blow his lid, but the other half, the best friend half, wants to defuse the situation before it gets out of hand.

You open your mouth to speak, but someone beats you to it.

"I'm actually glad you came back, John." Aradia blurts, eyeing him and the other troll girls warily. "I wanted to ask if I could dance with Nepeta for a bit."

John does a double take at his partner, all signs of anger giving way to confusion.

"What?" He asks.

"Can I dance with Nepeta?"

"Uh, yeah… of course. You don't even have too…" John trails off, shoots a quick glance at Equius, before looking at Aradia, and finally at Nepeta. "You know, actually I was wondering if _I_ could dance with Nepeta."

Everyone looks stunned at John's words. Particularly Nepeta herself.

"Re… Really, Johnkitty?" Nepeta asks, her large eyes glowing.

"Sure, why not." You're probably the only one who notices how unenthused John is by the idea.

"Okay, well that's fine with me." Aradia says and then stands up. "I think I'd better go to bed then."

John looks at Equius, fixing the troll with a glare that very plainly says: _'Do it now, or else forever keep your peace!'_.

"Aradia!" Equius booms loud enough to wake up consorts on the ground far below. "Would you like to dance with me!"

Everyone winces at his voice, even Jade and Karkat seem to pause to investigate the thunderous disturbance. Aradia blinks at him for a moment.

"Alright." She says with a shrug.

Equius grins, sweats some more, and takes Aradia's hand to lead her out onto the deck. It's kind of sweet, if you're into that kind of saccharine bullshit. John did his part, occupying Nepeta and pairing up his date with Equius. He isn't done yet though, by the looks of it.

"Terezi." He says. "You should go dance with Karkat."

You can't see the blind girl's eyes, but you're pretty sure she's blinking in surprise, much like Aradia was scant seconds ago.

"Pshhhh." She snorts. "Karkat doesn't want to dance with me. Not when he has his head halfway up Harley's skirt."

You look over your shoulder to make sure that Terezi is just exaggerating and not being literal. Thankfully it's the former, or else you would have had to beat some troll ass.

"Oh, no." John says. "Karkat says that after this song, he totally wants to dance with you."

"Shut up, Egbert." Terezi frowns at the table. "Karkat doesn't like me anymore."

"Yeah he does! He said that you were a Miss Hottie... ness, and that he would like to go out with you for texting and scones."

**FACE PALM COMBO x1**

You slap your palm against your forehead with an audible _smack_. John obviously hasn't done anything like this before, like… ever. No one in their right mind would ever take John's words as anything close to fact. They'd have to be completely…

"Really?!" Terezi's face lights up considerably. "Why didn't you say so!"

Without waiting for the song to end, she jumps to her feet and races over towards Jade and Karkat. You really hope that John's meddling doesn't come back to haunt him. His intentions are good, despite his lack of tact.

"Come on, Johnkitty!" Nepeta leaps up and grabs John's sleeve. "Let's Jive like a couple of wildcats!"

As your best friend is dragged away. He shoots you a look similar to the one he gave Equius earlier. You get the message.

You turn around to see that Terezi has managed to pry Karkat away from Jade and is now sweeping him across the floor like an old mop. Jade is now alone. Your chance has come. You have to do this. It's now or never.

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are now Jade Harley. Now dance, fucker, dance. Like you never had a chance!

Man, you hate that song. You wish it wasn't so damn catchy.

You continue to hum that atrocious Offspring song as you stand alone, having lost your partner to one Terezi Pyrope. Karkat doesn't look too pleased with the sudden change in ladies, but you're more than happy to share your date. It's only common courtesy, after all.

So far this evening, you've had a pretty good time with Karkat. You'd never have thought that he'd be one for casual conversation. Every interaction you've had with him before tonight had either consisted of him yelling at you, bringing forth disturbing information, or bossing you around like some queen bee in a hive full of little bees.

You are a little bee. It is you.

However, as previously stated, Karkat has been nothing but amiable tonight. It's actually a little disconcerting. When he had first asked you to the dance, you'd said _'yes'_ simply because it seemed like the right thing to do. You surely didn't want to show up to this shindig alone and you seriously doubted that Dave would be able to go with you. He'd most likely already be snatched up by some lucky lady before you could even open your mouth. Seriously, that guy is like the coolest of the cool. The most desirable bachelor in the universe. The biggest, fattest, nastiest PIECE OF TRASH!

Your entire relationship with Dave just seems like one big metaphorical rollercoaster. One second you're wondering what your kids would look like (you can thank Karkat's stupid shipping chart for those fantasies), and then the next second you're wanting to blow a hole in his head with a flintlock pistol.

"Stupid hormones." You mutter under your breath as you watch Karkat being used and abused by Terezi. "Being a girl sucks."

You're starting to think that you should head back over to the table for a much needed break when there's a light tap on your shoulder. It's Dave _'speak of the devil'_ Strider

"I have to agree with you there." He says with a smirk. "Menstruations, painful child birth. Being a girl does suck."

"Is that really how you're going to apologize?" You cross your arms over your chest.

His smirk falters.

"I, uh… no. That was a shit thing to say. Let's start that again, okay?" He walks backwards, says something that sounds like _'doodle doodle doodle do'_, and then taps your shoulder once more.

"Hey, Harley." He says with a second smirk.

"What the fuck was that?" You bite your tongue. You _will_ not laugh at him.

"That was me going back in time so that I can re-apologize."

"What was the 'doodle doodle doodle do' part?"

"That was me talking backwards."

You snort with laughter in a completely unattractive way. You win this round, Strider. Damn you!

"Nice," You giggle. "You do know that you can _actually_ travel through time, right?"

"Yeah," He shoves his hands in his pockets. "But where's the fun in that?"

"_Fun_?" You repeat with mock incredulity. "Since when did you ever do anything that wasn't buried under layers and layers of irony just for fun?"

"What can I say? You've warmed my satirical, little, icy heart." He holds out his hand. "Are you busy right now?"

You tap your chin with a fingernail for a moment.

"Nope. Not at the moment."

"Cool." He smiles, actually smiles. "Then can I have this dance?"

You almost want to deny him, so that he'll be pressured into showering you with more of those tiny smiles. However, both of you know that he's already won. He won a long time ago, fighting on the deck of a golden ship, holding you close in a cave while oily rain fell around you, carrying you for miles, and cooking the worst mushroom stew you've ever tasted.

You take his hand and tug him close, burying yourself in his chest. He wraps you in those long arms of his and you can feel every knobby joint in his body, every sharp angle and skinny limb.

"You can be a real dick sometimes." You mumble into his ridiculous red suit.

"I know." He replies with absolute certainty. "I'm sorry. I was just… jealous. Of him."

You shift so that you can look up into his glossy, black, emotionless eyes. One day you'll peel back all those layers of irony and glass. In a time where everything seems more than a little uncertain, you know that for sure.

"Don't be." You say.

And then you're kissing him and he's kissing back and there's nothing around you but empty space and endless time.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently walking, sliding one foot in front of the other in a ridiculous zombie-like shuffle. At the present time, you don't remember anything past sitting down at the table to eat Beefgrub. Eating in the loosest sense of the word. You'd barely touched that bizarre alien dish. After waking up on your cot, still dressed in the beautiful dress Kanaya had made for you, you'd staggered out into the hall.

It only takes a second for you to realize that you've once again fallen prey to the slippery wiles of liquor. What is it with the medium and having great abundances of alcoholic drinks? Seriously, it's like every time you sit down to drink something you end up getting hammered.

As you make your way down the corridor, away from your dormitory, you notice that all the lights in the ship have been extinguished. Everyone has gone to bed. You've missed the party. A million curses would fly from your mouth if your tongue wasn't once again wrapped up in a fluffy sock. You need fresh air and water.

"_Look at you, Rose." _A voice slithers in your ear and wraps around your brain stem in a tight coil. _"Worthless drunk, just like your mother."_

The voices are still there, as if you needed to be reminded that you're never alone anymore, not even in your own head. It's hard to walk, talk, smile with everyone else when you feel like you're disability is starting to define you. Talking to Kanaya had helped but it was a temporary fix. In the end, it just gave more ammunition to the voices to use against you.

You close your eyes and move up the stairs and out into open night. The stars are too bright and the moon seems to be frying you like an ant under a magnifying glass. The deck of the ship is dissimilarly cold under your bare feet.

You've gotten the fresh air, chilled by the LOFAF winds. Now all you need is some water.

The stars move in sharp streaks as you turn blindly. You probably aren't going to find a fountain of delicious water on the deck of the ship. Your best bet is to head back downstairs and try to find a jug in the Alchemiter room. If worst comes to worst, you can always wake up Kanaya. She's one person you can trust not to laugh at you in your incapacitated state.

You stumble as you turn, but quickly regain your footing. A few more steps forward and your path is suddenly blocked by something hard and wooden pressing into your waist. That's strange. There wasn't a railing in front of the stairs before.

"_We could have done great things together, Rose. How many times must I remind you of your wasted potential? Worthless drunk, silly witch, horrible friend."_

"ROSE!"

Someone shouts your name, but it's too late. You've already sloppily clambered over the railing and tumbled off the side of the golden ship.

Cold air pulls and tugs at your hair and dress, sharpening your senses and forcing your eyes to snap open. Then you remember to scream.

"JOHN!"

You see white snow, then black sky, then white snow again. You're spinning like a fragile leaf in the wind, flipping and twisting feebly as you fall towards your inevitable death. Furiously you wrack your brains, thinking of a spell, an incantation that can save you. Nothing comes to mind, not that it matters anyway. You've left your wands on the ship along with your brain.

"_Worthless. Waste of space. No point in even…"_

Then the voices are gone and he is there. For a second, you think that you're still falling, but you aren't. Now you're flying and he's holding you to his chest like you're the most precious thing in the world, rocking you in the most gentle dance, and muttering over and over:

"I got you. I got you. I got you."

And you know that he does, not just because he's crushing you in his grasp, but because he's always been there. You know that he always will be.

John slows his flight and you guess that the golden ship is drawing closer once more. You can't see its bright golden hull though, nor the bright stars or blinding moon. All you see is a blue.

When you wake up the next morning you remember nothing of the previous night, except the bottom of a glass, a kiss at the top of some stairs, and a blue blazer.

**END OF INTERMISSION ONE.**

* * *

**Well that's finished. Now we're getting back to the main plot. I have one other intermission planned much later, but other than that, everything should be straight forward from now on. I hope that all of you reading this story have enjoyed it so far. I've certainly enjoyed writing it.**

**Saw Guardians of the Galaxy the other night. Jesus, Marvel is on hot streak with these movies. They're definitely building up towards something completely awesome and insane.**

**Thanks for reading guys. You're the best.**  
**- Mike**


	22. ACT 3 - PART 1

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**Thanks to Mouse, cheezebunz, Sleeping Kangaroo, and demonwindy for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Vriska Serket

You are Vriska Serket. You're dead, but… you're kind of not at the same time.

It's a little complicated and hard to explain. Let's just rewind a bit, shall we?

After being killed by Terezi on top of your super not-so-secret base, you'd floated in around in limbo for a good while, simply fuming.

"Stupid, blind bitch." You muttered, bobbing along lazily on a gust of void-wind. "She's totally getting kicked out of the Scourge Sisters."

Even if you could deliver a message to Terezi with notice of her severance, she probably wouldn't give two shits. The pair of you haven't role-played as a team since you entered the medium, which right now feels like sweeps ago. She's probably all but forgotten the infamous Scourge Sisters.

That's what disturbs you the most. Not being murdered, but the feeling that you'll be forgotten too. After all of your glorious and often nefarious exploits, you still might just end up as a story in the end.

"John will remember." You said, reassuring yourself quickly.

You've made enough of an impact on him that he's bound to remember you until the day he dies. At least that's what you tell yourself. He did leave you behind when he went to go fight Jack Noir and rescue Rose. And, yeah, that sucked, but his actions were probably driven by some outdated chivalrous desire to keep you out of harm's way, which is extremely ridiculous in your opinion, since you could probably beat up John six ways to Sunday. Even with his new wind powers, that you totally helped him get by the way.

With a heavy sigh, you floated in empty space, wondering what you could possibly do to pass the time in oblivion. Just when you'd all but resigned yourself to an eternity of pointless musing, something gently bumped into your shoulder.

You investigated the disturbance and was surprised to find that not only are you not alone in limbo, but that there's actually _something_ here besides black, empty space.

As it turns out, you'd unwittingly floated into a windmill, a windmill attatached to a perfect replica of Tavros's hive on LOSAZ. A sharp, deadly smile formed on your face.

"Maybe being dead won't be all that bad after all?" You chuckled and floated down towards the hive

Needless to say Dead Tavros was just about as happy to see Dead Vriska as Living Tavros was to see Living Vriska. It took some clever coaxing from yourself to earn his trust once again.

"Come on, Pupa." You said, slamming your fist against his front door. "You know that I didn't mean to kill you. It was an accident."

"A-an accident?!" Tavros spluttered incredulously. "You accused me of allowing your human boyfriend to escape then blew my head off!"

"Yeah, but what's a homicide between two pals, huh?" You gripped the door knob tightly in your robotic hand. "Listen, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way. Just let me in."

"No! Go build your own imaginary dream house!"

Not a bad suggestion, although this method is way easier and waaaay more fun.

"I guess it's going to be the hard way then." You crushed the door knob in your fist and gently pushed the door open.

"Honey!" You called up the ramp leading to his room. "I'm home!"

Okay, so maybe you hadn't earned his trust back and maybe you hadn't so much as coaxed your way inside, but actually committed breaking and entering. Either way, the past is in the past and you spent a good amount of time after that just chilling with Tavros in his imaginary hive.

"Where are you going?" You snapped at him one day, or night, or whatever. There isn't exactly a sun or moon in limbo.

Tavros looked at you, as you lounged on his sofa, with a perfect mixture of yearning and fear.

"I'm, uh… just going over to Gamzee's for a while." He said, nervously shifting in his wheel chair.

"Really, again?" You shrugged and stuffed another handful of crisps into your mouth. "You've been going over there a lot recently. Anything you want to tell me?"

"No." He said, turning his chair towards the door. "There isn't."

Gamzee had arrived shortly after you, quickly building his own hive near Sollux's and Feferi's. You don't interact with them much though. You didn't in life so why should that change after death? You prefer the company of bumbling weaklings over prissy fish queens, killer clowns, or lispy computer programmers any day of the week.

After Tavros left, you spent some time sleeping, eating, and musing. Pretty much all you've done since death. You wish that Tavros would hurry up and imagine up a game consol. He's been trying quite a lot under your instance, although so far he's been unsuccessful. He claims that conjuring something so complex is _'hard'_ and _'painful'_.

"That doesn't stop you from conjuring a shit ton of books for no reason." You said to yourself, alone in Tavros's hive.

Why does he have so many of these things anyway? Does he even like to read?

You climbed to your feet and slouched over to his bookshelf, pulling down a tome at random.

"Methods of resurrection." You read the cover. "Interesting."

Maybe Tavros isn't as pointless as you thought? You wait until he gets home from Gamzee's to assault him with your queries.

"Alright, Pupa." You said, grabbing his wheelchair and steering him into the main room before he's even fully through the door. You grabbed the book you had found earlier and throw it into his lap. "Start explaining."

"Explain what?" He asked, rubbing his stomach where the book had struck him.

"You have all these books about coming back to life. Obviously you have a plan about escaping this place. So start talking."

"I don't have a plan." Tavros sighed. "Well… not really. It won't work, you see?"

"What won't work?" You slammed your hands down on the sides of his chair and brought your face close to his. "Start talking like a normal, functioning person!"

"W- well, you see." He swallowed hard under your furious gaze. "There's th- this ring."

And then he told you everything he knew, everything about The Black King's ring and it's magical powers. If someone who has died puts on the ring then they can rejoin the realm of the living, only existing there as long as they wear the ring. It sounded totally awesome to you.

The only probably was that Tavros was right. The plan wouldn't work because Jack Noir is out there, while you're still trapped in here, dead. You would need someone with a foot in both realms, someone who could die and live at the same time. In short, you needed someone in the God Tiers.

You needed John.

So you got to work. For the first time since entering limbo, you begin to use your imagination to conjure something. You did your best to remember everything you could about John. His childhood, his father, his life before the game, his dorky smile, and his awkward ramblings. It was the happiest you'd been in a while, floating and just remembering your Matesprit and everything about him.

"What are you building?" Tavros had the courage to ask eventually.

"It's a house, dummy. What does it look like?"

"I… don't know, really." He scratched behind his annoyingly massive horns. "What's a house?"

"It's like a…" You wracked your brains. "It's like a hive, but for humans. Now fuck off. Can't you see that I'm busy?"

It was a mess, a terrible, miserable excuse for a human house. That didn't matter though, it was close enough. John would fill in the rest and then some whenever he showed up. All you had to do now was hope, wait, and work some magic.

Dream Bubbles aren't easy to create, especially when you're trying to build them around misshapen constructs supposed to resemble houses. It took a lot of energy from you, more than you'd ever care to admit. You had to focus, use your will to bend the path of death and redirect John away from a random spot in the void and towards the Dream Bubble you created. Like a hound on a scent, he'd catch a whiff of his home, something familiar and latch onto it.

At least, that was the theory. Tavros's books were annoying vague on the subject.

It took a while, a very long while. You waited though. Patience has never been one of your strong suits, but you felt the importance of this particular waiting period. There was so much that could go wrong with this plan that wanting to rush things would only make things worse.

What if John didn't die again? What if the house you made wasn't close enough?

What if he didn't want to help you?

No. You and John were Matesprits. Of course he would help you. After everything you'd done for him, he _better_ help you. Regardless of how overwhelming your doubts threatened to become, time continued to pass. Tavros's hive, which had once just been just that, had grown into a small desert oasis in a floating see of dark void. It seemed that the longer you were all here, the more stuff just started to pop up.

You would lie out in front of Tavros's hive, on the gritty sand, watching the occasional bee buzz from the castle-like block of space that Sollux and Feferi had claimed as their own. You rarely see that couple outside of their little biome. They spend most of their time in that atrociously green castle doing Gog know what. They stay out of your hair though and that's more than you could ask for. Gamzee typically keeps to himself as well, with Tavros trekking across the void to visit him on occasion.

Everyone was starting to form their own lands again in the afterlife, everyone except you. All you've done is built John's house. Needless to say, all of your hard work better pay off.

It happens when you're floating outside of the house. Tavros left you alone again, so you didn't have much to do besides just… float. Suddenly white shit starts to fall from the sky, collecting in your hair and chilling your exposed nose and ears.

John is here.

Time passes after you're meeting with John, although less agonizingly slow knowing that your plan is well underway. He seemed to understand the plan well and promised to bring you the ring as soon as he could. John will pull through for you, you know that. If there's anyone that you can trust, it's your Matesprit.

One day, night, whatever, you stroll in Tavros's hive, kicking the door shut behind you and stomping the sand from your sneakers onto the front rug.

"You'll never guess what I just…" You trail off, going mute at the sight awaiting you in the main room.

Tavros is lying on the floor, pinning someone underneath him in a head lock.

"Vriska! Stay back!" Your roommate yells, struggling to pin the mystery person. "We have a burglar!"

"Vriska?!" The stranger croaks, trying to shove off Tavros. "She's here?"

"What the hell is going on?!" You shout, approaching the struggling pair.

"There's a thief in our house!"

"I'm not a thief! Just let me explain!"

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" You put an end to the tussle by grabbing the collar of Tavros's shirt and yanking him off the floor, before tossing him in the direction of his wheelchair. You'll admit that you're a little impressed that the handicap troll had the balls to take on this newcomer. It's possible that he might be capable of bravery yet.

The stranger clambers to his feet and you clench your robotic fist, ready to double kill this guy if Tavros proves to be right in saying that he's some sort of criminal. He's a human, tall and thin, dressed in a shabby blue coat and dirty pants. His face is obscured with a mop of shaggy black hair, a scraggily beard, and a pair of thick-framed glasses.

"Vriska!" The stranger smiles at you, at least you think he does. It's hard to tell under all that hair. "It's me. I'm back, a little sooner than I expected, but I'm back."

"Who are you?" You demand. "What do you mean _'you're back'_? How do you know who I am?"

"Don't you recognize me?" The man frowns. "Man I know it's been a while, but I really don't think it's been _that_ long. Or maybe it has been? Does time pass differently here? Oh man, so much has happened, Vriska. I have so much to tell you."

You lunge forward, grabbing the alien by his coat and shoving him against the book self. A few leather tomes fall to the floor as the furniture rattles dangerously.

"Answer my questions human, before I rip your fucking head off!" You scream in his face.

"Vr- Vriska!" He splutters. "It's me."

He reaches up and pushes the hair off of his forehead, grinning sheepishly. He has startling blue eyes and the dorkiest smile you've ever seen in your entire life.

"John?"

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are now Karkat Vantas. And you really aren't in the mood to be dealing with this bullshit, but then again, can one ever really be in the mood to deal with bullshit?

Last night's celebration turned out to be pretty Gog-dammed shitty, which is actually better than you thought it would be. You'd expected it to be an outright disaster. But with some good food, a few mediocre gifts, and a spot of dancing, you're content with how your party went.

It's what happened after your party that's currently showering you with unwanted bullshit. Namely, the near death experience of Rose Lalonde.

You, your best friend/first mate, the leader of the humans, and the biggest tool in the galaxy are currently tucked away in one of the smaller rooms in the belly of the golden ship. It's a little hot due to the room's proximity to the engines and your turtle neck sweater isn't doing much to help. Needless to say, you're already in a bad mood before the meeting even starts.

Now well underway, it seems unlikely that your mood is ever going to improve.

"How the fuck could this happen?!" Dave Strider demands.

"Simple," You snap back. "Humans are stupid and they do stupid things, like practice their diving form off the edge of an aircraft!"

"Rose didn't do it on purpose." John interjects before Dave can respond. "She was still pretty drunk when I got her back on board. She didn't know what she was doing."

"Well whose fault is it for getting her drunk?" You jab a finger towards each of the humans. "If you people go fucking crazy with a little bit of alcohol, then you two should know not to drink it, am I right?"

"We don't go crazy with alcohol. It's just that too much can…" John thinks for a moment. "Cloud our judgment."

That sounds incredibly stupid in your opinion. What kind of species loses their common sense when they drink too much of a certain liquid? A dumb one, that's what. Sure, too much Faygo can have a negative effect on a troll, but nowhere near this kind of suicidal shit

"Speaking of judgment," Dave wheels on Kanaya. "John said that _you_ were with her. Why couldn't you keep an eye on her?!"

"Don't you dare start accusing her!" You jump in. "Rose is your sister, right? Where the fuck were you?"

"In my room, Karkles. You know, that place where I fucking sleep. Kanaya here sleeps right next to Rose, all snuggled up with her no doubt." Strider turns back to Kanaya. "Are you seriously telling me that you just let her walk off like that?"

"I was asleep as well," Kanaya defends herself. "After Rose got into bed, I didn't think that she would get up again before the morning, when the effects of the Faygo had worn off."

"Well you thought _wrong_!" With a shout, Dave slams his fist on the table between all of you. He's more emotional then you've ever seen him before. As much as you like to see him lose his cool, you'd prefer if he didn't break anything.

You're about to tell him to step off, when John beats you to it.

"Calm down, Dave. It's nobody's fault. It was just an accident." He says.

"Are you kidding me, Bro?" Strider responds. "You're okay with this?"

"I never said that."

"Then why are you so calm! Rose could have died! If you weren't up there…" He trails off, the alternative apparently too horrible to fathom. "Just… fuck."

Dave slumps back in his seat and everyone is quiet for a moment. John is watching his friend with a concerned look on his face, while you look at Kanaya. Your first mate is staring at her own lap, her lower lip twisted around one of her fangs. Her eyes are still rimmed with a slight jade tinge. She'd been crying, distraught by the news of her partner's late-night flight. She feels guilty enough without Strider laying into her for no good reason.

"Listen, Dave." John shifts in his chair, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm not freaking out right now because I already got that out of my system earlier. Trust me; I flipped plenty of shit when no one was looking. And if you think it's scary to hear about this stuff, just imagine watching it happen. I couldn't…" He takes a long breath before continuing. "It was an accident. Everyone's okay though and really, when you think about it, that's all that matters."

Dave just nods, staring at the spot where he'd punched the table with a fierce intensity. John continues.

"Why don't you go up and help Jade with packing?" He offers.

"No." Is Strider's instant response. "I'm not going anywhere."

You exhale heavily, rolling your eyes towards the ceiling.

"You don't belong here, Strider. If you want to be helpful, go move boxes with everyone else. There's nothing that you can do down here, besides just sit there and stare like a brain dead monkey." You say.

In fact, you have no idea why Strider is even here in the first place. You called a meeting of leaders, not douchebags. Maybe since you were bringing Kanaya, he felt the need to back up John too? You're thoughts are confirmed by his next statement.

"If you think I'm leaving John down here alone with you two, then you got another thing coming."

"We aren't your enemy," Kanaya says, looking up from her lap. "We're on the same team here. Working together is the only way that we can beat Jack Noir."

"She's right," John nods to Kanaya, and addresses his human friend. "Come on, Dave. Go blow off some steam and I'll meet up with you and the girls later, okay? I'm a big boy, I'll be fine here."

Strider looks ready to argue until the next Twelfth Perigee's Eve, but a look from John causes whatever fight inside of him to be extinguished.

"Whatever." The cool dude shrugs, standing up and pushing in his chair.

He leaves with a slam of the door, and then there were three. John is frowning, obviously dissatisfied with the amount of insubordination being displayed by his human companions. You can empathize with him. You can't remember the last time one of your orders was followed without question. Just look at your _'no interspecies relationships' _rule for the Mlpuia Jive. No one listened to that one, not even _you_.

"Wow," You say after a while. "This room seems a lot less hot without his big fucking head in here."

"You know what?" John knits his eyebrows, fixing you with a stern glare. "Things would probably run a whole lot smoother around here if you two weren't at each other's throats all the damn time."

"I agree," Kanaya says. "All this bickering is really quite unproductive and rather immature."

"Oh, put a sock in it, both of you. It's just our dynamic." You lean back in your chair, nodding towards the door and Dave's general direction.

A sudden thought lights up John's face like a dozen light bulbs.

"I see. So is this another quadrant? A kissmessette or something?" He wonders.

You gag on nothing.

"I belive you're thinking of a kismesistude, John." Kanaya corrects him.

"A- a Kismesistude?!" You cough and hit your chest with your palm, trying to fill your lungs with air again. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. In no way whatsoever do I hate Dave Fucking Strider _that_ much."

"I dunno, Karkat. You both really seem to dislike each other." John shrugs.

"Shut up." You bitterly cross you arms, cutting this conversation short before it gets too serious.

In all seriousness though, it's not like you haven't considered the possibility. You mean, any person's mind can drift every once and a while, but it would never… you could never… he… FUCK! YOU ARE TOTALLY NOT HAVING THESE THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW!

"It doesn't matter anyways," John is still talking. "He and Jade are an item now."

Well that's news to you.

"Really?" You ask, only mildly interested. "Since when?"

"Since last night, at the dance." He points to his chest proudly. "_I_ set them up together."

"Well good for them." Kanaya says happily.

Yeah, whoo hoo for the humans, now than can bump uglies together without involving any of your troll friends. A small part of you, the little part that sits next to your shriveled heart, makes you feel a little jealous for them. Not one, but two romantic prospects have been taken from you in one fell swoop. Well, maybe just Jade has been snatched up. You'd never consider Dave as a Kismesis. No… just. No.

"Alright, blah blah blah. All of this of this chitter chatter is wonderful and all, but contrary to popular belief, there actually _is_ a purpose for this meeting." You try to set things in motion. "The next step is obviously to bust into Jack Noir's castle on LOLAR and take back The Scratch."

"And then we reset the game for real?" John asks and you nod in response. He continues. "Alright, but what happens next? After we reset the game, I mean."

All eyes go to Kanaya. The question that's been nagging at the back of your mind, as well as John's, is hopefully about to be answered. What will happen to you after The Scratch is reactivated and actually finished? Will you cease to exist?

You wait for Kanaya to notice that her cue to speak has arrived.

"Oh," She starts gently. "Um, well. You see there is actually very little information about what we're supposed to do after we reset the game, since no one has ever done it before."

"So basically, you have no idea." You frown. That's really disappointing. You were looking forward to getting some answers.

"I have a very _primitive_ idea." She clarifies. "All the research that Rose and I collected before was left behind in our base after we were attacked by Dave's Brother and everything there..."

"Everything there is completely destroyed." John finishes with a groan.

"Yes," Kanaya sits straighter in her chair, quick to placate John. "But that doesn't mean all hope is lost. As I've just stated, I know the basics."

"Okay well, spit it out. We're wasting time here." You command with your best 'leader voice'.

"Very well," She folds her hands delicately on the table and begins to speak. "After The Scratch has been completed and the game reset, it will be up to the players to choose their successors."

"You mean, Rose, Dave, Jade and I will have to pick new players?" John inquires.

"Yes, you'll have to go to another universe or dimension, introduce the players to SBURB and escort them into the game." As Kanaya talks, John only appears to get more and more confused. "In order to reach the alternate dimension though, you'll need a Hero of Space to transport you there."

"A Hero of Space?" John repeats. "Fuck, we don't have one of those."

"Not to worry," Kanaya responds with a twinkle in her eye. "I was the Sylph of Space during our session. After the reset, your session will be nullified and my powers returned to me. Under the right conditions, I should be able to send one of you to the alternate dimension."

"We can get another Hero of Space too." You add after some thought. "Neither of the human girls have reached god tier yet. It's possible that one of them might be fit the bill."

"Okay so let me get everything straight." John scratches at his chin, pondering for a moment. "We reset the game using The Scratch, our session is nullified, but we don't like- get obliterated or anything, right?" Kanaya nods and John continues.

"So then you send one of us to a different universe to find new players, or maybe if we have two Heroes of Space then two people can be sent?" Another nod from Kanaya.

"Then we bring the new players into the game and then they win. We all rebuild our home worlds and then go home, and then… that's it?"

"I believe so." Kanaya proclaims with a grin. "By that point, the Black King will be killed and the game beaten. Those are the rules, at the very least."

"Fuck me," John cradles his head like he's in pain. "I thought you said you had a _primitive_ idea on what to do, that those were the _basics_. That sounds like the most convoluted, unreasonable shit ever. Of all time."

"Try not to think of the big picture too much," You snark. "I know that your little human brain can't handle more than one lucid thought at a time. Let's just focus on the first step for now, AKA: retrieving The Scratch from Jack Noir."

"Don't you think it would be prudent for Rose and Jade to ascend to god tier before attempting such an assault?" Kanaya raises a good point.

If all of the beta kids are in the god tiers at the time of the assault, your chances of success are raised dramatically. Four powerful, near immortal beings beat two any day of the week. However, that raises another problem all together. How will you get the girls to their quest beds?

"Well Jade's land is LOFAF and we're right above that right now." John says. "And Rose's land is LOLAR. We're heading that way anyway. Why not just stop by their quest beds along the way?"

"The only problem with that plan is that quest beds aren't always so easy to find." Kanaya indicates. "Their beds could be well hidden or heavily guarded. We have no idea what to expect without technical support."

"Can't you just alchemize another computer with viewfinder installed?"

"Do you know how long that would take?" You snap. "We don't have time for all of that. Jack Noir could be destroying The Scratch, putting a stop to all of our plans, as we speak."

"Not to mention, that he's still holding Rose's Mom and Jade's Grandpa as prisoners." John sighs. "We'll have to save them too while we're there."

"All the more reason to post haste." You dislike the idea of having two more old, filthy humans aboard this ship. However, if it lights a fire under these people's asses, then saving them might just be worth it.

"Okay, well how about this." John begins. "Why don't we split up? Small groups will be faster and harder for Jack Noir to track. One group will go with Rose to LOLAR, another with Jade to LOFAF, and one more here, alchemizing another computer and giving tech support."

You open your mouth, ready to blow about fifty holes in this flimsy plan with one piercing remark. Then you realize that John's plan isn't all that bad. Sure, splitting up the group again seems like a half brain dead idea, but he raises some good points. If speed really is a priority, then smaller groups are definitely the way to go.

"Hmmmm," You pretend to consider John's plan for a moment, while he sits there looking stupidly hopeful. "Alright, we'll split up, but under a few conditions."

"Name them."

"One: The least amount of my friends being put in danger, the better. So one troll and two humans per team." You count off your demands on your fingers. "Two: Strider and Terezi are _not_ on the same team. I don't care if Jade is his main squeeze. That bastard can't be trusted. Three: If anyone gets hurt, I'm holding _you_ personally responsible. And last but not least, Four: Absolutely _no_ asshole rumpus."

John swallows hard. He may not be ready to take on challenge such as this, but you're all tapped out on sympathy though. If he's going to be a leader, then he has to accept responsibility sooner or later. You've taken more than you're fair share of blame for things going to shit.

"I got it." John responds after a while. "I promise that none of your friends are going to be put in unnecessary danger, Karkat."

"Yeah," You take a deep breath and recline in your chair again. "That's one promise you better keep, John Human Egbert."

* * *

**So here we are, back in the main story and with a new (or is it old?) mission underway. All questions raised by this chapter will be answered in due time, although most of you can probably already figure out where I'm taking this thing. Thanks to everyone who is kudo-ing this story, it's really cool to see that people are reading.**

**Watch True Detective.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	23. ACT 3 - PART 2

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**Thanks to demonwindy for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert.

You are John Egbert. Which means you are in the middle of preparing to disembark on another dangerous, yet important mission.

Well, you don't really know how dangerous this mission is going to be. It may turn out to be a walk in the park, a simple jot to a quest bed and back, before the real heavy stuff begins. Namely, the full on assault of Jack Noir's castle on LOLAR.

Kanaya had been using the Alchemiter again, much to Karkat's chagrin. With all the stuff everyone's been making you're now dangerously low on grist, with just enough to manufacture the computer you'll need for tech support, and nothing else. You feel that another last expenditure of resources is well worth it though, a pair of knapsacks, just ready to be packed full of food and delicious, life saving water.

You'd gone for an extended period of time with nothing to drink in LOWAS besides liquor and we all know how that turned out. It's better not to repeat history, learn from mistakes, and take a big ass bag of supplies this time around.

You zip up the backpack and sling it over your shoulder. Taking one last look around the boy's room and seeing nothing but empty cots or anything else worth taking, you turn and head out the door. The golden ship is quiet once more, with everyone on board attending to one task or another. You pass the Alchemiter room, hearing the tell tale _click clack_ of metal as Equius works to create the computer.

As a skilled machinist, he'd been the obvious candidate for the job. You remember how he'd created a robot arm for Vriska, basically from scratch, in a matter of hours. A cold chill passes down your spine as you remember the horrible first encounter you had with your Matesprit after her surgery.

Had she really thought you wouldn't be attracted to her anymore? Just because of a new robot limb and a missing eye? Sure, it was gross as fuck, but you'd never ping Vriska as a vain person and you're not the type to overcapitalize physical appearance.

It was scary and strange and yet more proof that women, even alien women, are beyond all comprehension, at least to you. Dave seems to have a good grasp on the opposite gender and how to interact with them. Seriously, he's been playing Terezi since entering the game, hooked up with Nepeta for the Jive, and now he's dating your ecto sister. Face it, the dude has game.

You just hope Dave and Jade don't break up somewhere along the line. That would literally ruin everything for your little group. Jade would hate Dave, you'd have to confront him by force of brotherly instincts, and Rose would probably take Jade's side… or maybe Dave's? You don't know. It's hard to tell whether or not Rose and Dave's frequent bickering stems from sibling rivalry or honest dislike.

Probably the former, Dave's reaction to his ecto-sister's near death was more than enough proof to you about how he _really_ felt about her. Anyways, Jade and Dave breaking up is probably the worst thing you can imagine happening to your group at the moment. You'd rather they stayed together for the rest of eternity, happily married over everything else.

Huh, looks like Karkat's shitty shipping grid is coming true before your very eyes. You wonder how much the troll will gloat now that his prediction is proven to be fifty percent correct. Probably a lot.

You jog up the steps and onto the deck of the airship. Terezi is having too much fun, twirling the steering wheel between her nimble fingers. You wonder whose idea it was to put _her _behind the wheel. Karkat, Kanaya, Aradia, and Nepeta are standing near the front with Rose, Dave, and Jade. You start towards them.

"And last but not least, Four: absolutely _no_ asshole rumpus." Karkat is saying, brandishing four fingers in your friends faces.

"Sir, yes sir!" Jade salutes with a giggle.

She's currently wrapped around Dave's arm like a bespectacled, bushy haired sleeve. It's obvious that the pair of them are currently caught in the new relationship zone known as _'unable to keep their hands to themselves'_. As happy as you are for them, you really don't want to worry about walking into some R-Rated scene whenever you open a closed door.

"I'm being serious here, Jade." Karkat continues as you step up next to Rose. "You humans have fucked up enough already, without screwing this trip as well. If we're doing this, then we're doing this the _right_ way. AKA: _my_ way."

"You give yourself too much credit, man." Dave drawls. "When's the last time one of your plans didn't go to absolute shit?"

"Gee, Strider. I don't know. How about the one where we SWOOPED IN AND SAVED YOUR SORRY ASS ON LOHAC WHEN YOU WERE BUSY LOSING THE SCRATCH!" Karkat roars, causing everyone except Dave to wince slightly.

Dave looks ready to return fire with a razor sharp, irony dripping, scathing jab. You feel that little bubble of leadership in your chest start to swell and you act.

"Alright, alright. That's enough from you two." You take one stride, putting yourself between them. One cross look at Dave is enough to silence him. You look to Kanaya, something you've found yourself doing more and more as of late. "Are we all set to go?"

"Yes." She responds. "We're currently positioned above LOFAF, in a good position to drop off the landing party. After they've disembarked, we'll continue to the LOLAR border and drop off the second team. Then we'll double back for team one, move forward to collect team two, and finally begin our assault on Jack Noir's castle."

You make mental note of the plan in your head, doing your best to draw a map based off of her words. Meanwhile, Jade is speaking again.

"Okay, so who all is coming with me?" She asks, looking around the assembled group.

"Me, of course." Dave says pulling her closer by the hip. "I'm a master ninja/time traveler/your goddamn boyfriend."

"Haha. Alright, that's fine by me!" Jade grins.

"You'll be taking Aradia too." Karkat speaks up, nodding towards the aforementioned female troll. "She'll be keeping an eye on you and reporting any ass…"

"Asshole rumpus," Dave finishes with an exasperated sigh. "We get it, Karkles. You like to say that a lot, maybe a little too much. Now can we move this along, I think my ears are about to be _bored_ off my head, completely ruining my ability to hear anymore of your ridiculous instructions." He pauses and pretends to think. "You know what? On second, thought why don't you keep talking?"

Karkat grits his teeth.

"Just get off this ship." He growls, before stalking away towards the stairs.

Everyone looks to Dave, who takes a moment to realize that he's now the subject of six glares.

"What?" He asks all of you. "Oh come on. It's not my fault that he's about as sensitive as a third degree burn."

"You shouldn't goad him on like that though, babe." Jade says with a frown. "It isn't nice."

"In fact," You chime in, crossing your arms. "I'm putting a stop to it. This nonsensical rivalry is coming to an end, right now."

Dave doesn't respond. He just nods, shuffles his feet slightly, and adjusts his tie. He's still dressed in his ridiculous red suit from the night before. Having lost his sweet God Tier hood and cape, he'd deemed that wearing the remaining pieces of his ensemble was a little pointless. So until some new clothes get made, he's wearing the suit.

You're similarly left without your awesome God Tier duds. Kanaya had denied returning your outfit, saying it was too filthy and that without proper cleaning materials it would probably be a while before it was fit to be worn again. You're inclined to disagree. Sure, the hood and shirt are a mosaic of blue fabric, red blood, black oil, and Rose's vomit, but it's still probably hella comfortable.

Right now though, you're dressed in your attire from the Jive as well. Minus the jacket and tie though, because fuck that noise. Everyone else has changed, either back into their original clothes or some mishmash of other stuff. Rose in particular has donned a new skirt/sweater combo that you've never seen before.

Apparently Kanaya saw it fit to make a special exception when it came to resource management. You'll give her a pass on that though. A new outfit is probably her way of making it up to Rose for her lack of vigilance.

"Well, I'm ready when you are." Aradia speaks up, addressing her travel companions.

"Alright then, let's go." Dave leads the group over to the edge of the ship, where a rope ladder has been moored. Aradia immediately climbs over and disappears out of sight. Before following, Dave stops and turns to you. "You're right about Karkat. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, man." You say. "Just be… cool."

He smirks at you.

"I think I can manage that." He turns to Rose next. "You'll take care of yourself and John too."

"Of course." Is her response. "We'll see you soon."

Dave nods and disappears as well, Jade grabs both you and Rose around the neck, squeezing you in a fierce hug.

"It feels like we all just got together. Now we're breaking up again." She pulls back slightly so that she can look at both of you. "Just promise that you're not going to be blowing up any suns while we're gone, okay?"

"Yeah, I think those days are behind us." You answer, ruffling her hair affectionately. "I'm not ruling out Moons though, who knows what can happen if we get bored?"

Jade chuckles and releases you to put both hands on each of Rose's shoulders.

"And you," She says. "You stay off that drink, got it?"

Rose blinks at her for a moment, apparently taken aback by Jade's sudden serious tone and glare.

"I… I believe that I shall. Consider my lesson learned." Then Rose leans forward and wraps your ecto-sister in a hug. "Try not to lose any more body parts."

"Oh most definitely." Jade laughs, wriggling the nubs on her left hand and causing your insides to squirm. "Take care." She waves to Kanaya and Nepeta and then disappears down the ladder.

For some reason, watching your friends leave again make you feel pretty sad. Well, obviously you don't want them to leave, but it's more than that. The next time you see Jade, she'll be… something else, something more. She'd have died and come back, and you suppose that you're just sad to be missing it.

No that's a fucked up thing to say. You aren't jealous to be missing out. You're more like just upset at how many things are changing so fast. Jade's always just been Jade, but not anymore. That's probably what makes you say what you say next.

"I'm glad that you're still here, Rose."

She turns to you, having not moved from your side after Jade and Dave's departure. She's wearing all that dark make up again, which, if you're being honest, you're kind of glad to see again. Don't get yourself wrong, she looked great without it, but she just wasn't the same.

Her painted lips twist in a small smile.

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be." She responds. "I belive I owe you a fruit basket at some point in the future."

You chuckle and the pair of you stare out over the swirling, frosty clouds for a while. It really is pretty over LOFAF, compared to LOHAC at least, with its smoky clouds and dark skies. If you had to choose though, you'd say that you've always liked LOLAR the best. The golden clouds, the rainbow falls, and just the whole ambiance of the place appeals to you.

"I'm allergic to pineapple, just giving you a heads up."

"I'll keep that in mind." The pair of you are currently alone, as Kanaya and Nepeta are busily discussing something a few yards away. Rose turns to look up at you. "Just out of pure curiosity, what were you doing up here last night? Everyone else was asleep."

"I was cleaning up." You gesture vaguely towards the center of the deck where the table had once been. "The gift that I gave Karkat was kind of shitty, so I told him that I would break down the table and stuff to make it up to him."

"Your gift wasn't shitty, John." She responds, seriously

"Haha. I appreciate that, Rose." You laugh. "But honestly, that card was a Grade A piece of garbage."

"It had sentimental value. In a time where Karkat's friends are dwindling at an alarming rate, he should feel nothing but gratitude for a gift such as yours, hand-made, sincere, and heartfelt." A crease forms between her eyebrows. "He is most definitely a stuck up bastard if he considers your efforts to be worthless. No wonder Dave hates him so much."

"Oh, please don't tell me you're going to start something with Karkat too."

"No. Unlike Dave I understand that the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Despite Karkat's irrational attitude and behavior, we have mutual interests and a common enemy. Also both you and Kanaya hold him in high esteem, for whatever reason, and that's enough for me."

"Then I'm glad that's settled." You nod and rub the back of your neck absentmindedly, working up the courage to speak. "So are you and Kanaya… like, you know?"

"Hmmmm?"

"You know what I mean. Are you two, like, I don't know… together?"

You dodge Rose's next glance, pretending to be passionately interested in a passing cloud that vaguely resembles a spider… or is it a squid? Rose doesn't speak for a moment. Instead she examines your profile and causes a slight heat to rise in your cheeks.

"Would you be… opposed to the idea?" She eventually asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Would you be against it? Kanaya and I being together." She clarifies.

"What?" You ask again even though you know exactly what she's talking about. "No. It's none of my business. You two can do whatever you want. I have no say on the matter."

You realize fully just how quickly and nonsensically you're rambling, but you can't seem to bring yourself to stop.

"Oh. I was merely asking since, as our leader, it's possible that you might not be in favor of potential relationships between species."

"That's not my place." You shrug. "And anyways, just look at me and Vriska. I would look like a total hypocrite if I said you couldn't date Kanaya."

"Well…" A light blush dusts Rose's cheeks. "You see, I never said that Kanaya and I might actually develop into Matesprits. It's just… a contingency brought up by your own queries."

"I guess I did ask, right?

"You did."

"Yeah," You no longer want to discuss this. "Well, now you know that I wholeheartedly support any relationship that you want to start with Kanaya. In fact, I _want _you to get with her."

"Really?" Her face dons an expression that you have trouble identifying.

"Of course." You shrug again, almost forcefully. "Whatever."

"Well in that case, then…"

Rose is cut off by the sudden appearance of Nepeta and Kanaya, apparently finished with whatever discussion they were having.

"We'll be arriving at the LOLAR border in a few minutes." Kanaya says. As much as you like the female troll, a tiny part of you, the part next to your swollen little heart, wishes that she wasn't here. "Are you ready to depart?"

"Yes," Rose responds with a smile. "Will you be accompanying us as part of the landing party?"

No. Please, no.

"No, I'm afraid not. Karkat wants me up here to provide tech support. After Equius finishes the computer of course."

Whew. That was close.

"I can join the landing purty!" Nepeta sings, bouncing up to your side.

Oh, fuck no. Please, God no.

"Uhhhhhhh…" You lose yourself in Nepeta's enormous eyes, trying to think of some reason to prevent her from coming.

"Actually I was thinking that Equius should have completed the computer by the time we arrive at the border." Kanaya interjects. "He should be able to accompany you down to LOLAR."

Despite whatever stupid and most likely one-sided rivalry that you feel for Kanaya, she's had your back more times than you can count. You make a resolution to stomp down whatever negative feelings you harbor for the pretty troll. She's smart, classy, and undeniably cool. When shit hits the fan, you'll want her on your team.

"Alright," You say. "Nepeta, go check if Equius is done with computer yet. Me, him, and Rose will go down to LOLAR when we get there."

The crazy fucking cat girl's face falls into a ridiculously cute pout. You feel like a massive dick for denying her, but then again, having beefy Equius by your side smothers whatever insecurity you were feeling about this little trip.

"Fine, whatevfur." Nepeta scampers off to find her Morial, leaving you alone with Kanaya and Rose.

"Do you have a moment, Kanaya?" Rose addresses the troll.

"Oh," Kanaya responds, as if she hadn't noticed Rose standing right next to her. "I… yes, of course."

The pair of them walk away from you, towards the far end of the ship, most likely to talk about what a great couple they would be. You step up to the railing and lean on your elbows. You'd barely slept the past few days. The first night on the ship, you weren't able to sleep for worrying about the Jive and then night you watched Rose commit almost commit suicide. You are exhausted. Sleep isn't an option though. Like Kanaya said, you'll be arriving at your destination soon.

The cloud you were staring at earlier is still drifting overhead.

"A spider." You decide, scrutinizing it. "Definitely a spider."

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope.

You are now Terezi Pyrope.

You watch from afar as The Windy Friendleader, The Drunken Sorceress, and The Robo-Lovin Beefcake, descend down the rope ladder to LOLAR. With all of the humans and a couple of your troll buddies gone on their new side-mission, you, Karkat, Nepeta, and Kanaya are the only ones left aboard the golden ship.

You would have liked to accompany Dave and the Jade Human to LOFAF, not only to see if the rumors of their new relationship were true, but to just stretch your legs for a while. It feels as if you've been cooped up on this ship for ages, when in all actuality it's only been a couple of days.

If the cool kid and Jade really are together, then you guess that another potential relationship has slipped from your grasp. Oh well, Dave was a blast to flirt with while you could, but you'd always sort of had this feeling that he was flushed for that dorky looking human girl. If he finally got her, then good for him.

"Besides," You mutter to yourself as you watch Karkat come up the stairs and onto the deck. "There are plenty of grubs in the sauce. Hehe."

"Terezi," Karkat stalks over to you. "Have they left yet?"

"Who? Egbert and Rose?" You ask and he nods. "Yeah, they left with Equius a few seconds ago."

"Alright, then set a course back for LOFAF and then meet me below deck. ASAP!" Without waiting for you to respond, he turns on his heel and darts away, back into the ship.

With a shrug, you do as you're told and steer the ship so that it's facing back the way you once came. If you ask yourself, all this backtracking seems a little redundant. There should be a better way of moving about the lands than all of this flying and steering and sailing. You make a reminder to bother Karkat about it later.

You descend the steps, wondering what Karkat would want to talk to you about. It has to be something private or else he would have discussed it with you on deck. This is obviously something that he wants to keep away from prying ears.

You know what you _hope _it is. Sloppy Make outs have always been rare with Karkles, especially as of late, but then again he's surprised you before. The dance that the pair of you shared at the Jive was fun, a little blurry in your memory, but still fun. He certainly didn't appear to have any objection to it. Maybe the dance rekindled whatever flushed embers that he had for you? Maybe you're about to get lucky?

You turn down a corridor, heading towards the boy's bunk room. Karkat didn't give you exact directions on where to go, so you'll just look there first.

"Pssst." A voice hisses from you left, bring you to a stop halfway down the hall. "PSSSSST!"

You pretend not to hear it.

"MOTHERFUCKING PSSSSSSSSSST!"

The door to the supply closet Karkat hid himself in opens with a single push. You slid inside and your signature, shit eating grin is plastered on your face before the door is even closed fully.

"Howdy, Nubs." You chuckle. "Nice place you got here. Hehe."

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" He demands.

"Nice place you got here. Hehe."

"No, before that."

"Nubs?"

"No! What the fuck is '_Howdy'_?"

You cackle loudly within the confined space.

"It means _'Hi'_. Humans say it." Or at least Dave does, but you don't want to bring him up since uttering his name might kill whatever mood Karkat might have at the moment.

"Well it sounds stupid. Don't ever say that to me again."

"Aye, aye. _Sir._" You roll your eyes and toss your arms around his neck before he can speak again. "Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, let's get down to business, shall we?"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" He leans back as you lean forward. "Terezi, stop! This isn't… You don't… FUCKING STOP IT!"

You're tongue snaps back into your mouth like one of those retraceable tape measures. Such a shame, you were _inches_ away from tasting that delicious red blush of his.

"What is it?" You cock your head to the side. "What's wrong?"

He knocks your arms off of his neck and away from him. Your limbs flop down to your sides, deflated much like your spirit.

"That is in no way the reason that I wanted to talk to you." He growls lowly, only succeeding in spiking up your heart rate further. Dammit, he knows you like it when he growls like that. "There's serious business to discuss."

"Fuhhhhhhh." You groan. "It's always serious business with you! Don't you ever just have fun?"

"What do you call last night? We had a fucking rumpus palooza! Or did you already forget the Mlpuia Jive?!"

"Yeah, that was fun and all, but I'm talking about real _fun_, like…" You snake your arms up his shoulders again. "Like _our_ kind of fun."

He shivers and presses himself further into the wall, as if creating more distance between the two of you could ease the attraction currently filling the air like a pungent perfume.

"Terezi…" He grabs your hands, halting your movements once more. "Now is _not_ the time for this. Gamzee's killer is still here somewhere and right now you're going to help me find them."

Well then, he sure knows how to kill the mood.

"Why do you even care, Karkat?" You ask. "He killed Kanaya and he was going to kill Equius. I'm sorry that your friend is dead, but really, he got what was coming to him. Besides, this is such old news. So much better-quality shit has happened since Gamzee died, that it really doesn't feel that important anymore."

"It's important to me dammit!" He steps forward, closer to you. "Someone took matters into their own hands. They killed someone that _I_ care about and that doesn't fly, not now, not ever. He didn't mean to do what he did. There were… chemical imbalances in his head and stuff. It was in his genes."

"Whether or not he was a Bezerker. The sight of blood shouldn't have enraged him that much. Gamzee wasn't never right in the head. You know that."

"It may not have been just the blood…" Karkat admits. "I think that maybe he and Tavros were… close, you know?"

"Like, _close _close?" That's news to you.

"I don't know, maybe? They were hanging out a lot before then."

"Hmmm." You hum thoughtfully, trying to remember. "I always thought that Tavros had a thing for Vriska."

"No. She was always such a bitch to him."

You laugh.

"Vriska was a bitch to _everyone_, Karkat."

"Except John." He points out.

"Yeah. Except John."

This new information, raised by Karkat, is quite interesting. Maybe this case is actually starting to play out for you and make sense. Gamzee, driven into a rage by the death of his close friend, goes on an attempted murder spree, actually killing Kanaya. Then someone, out of unjust vengeance, murders him in his sleep. The vigilante requires penance of their own.

They deserve to be brought to justice.

"Alright," You say, cracking your fingers like a badass. "I'll head an investigation into the identity of Gamzee's killer. For a price of course. Hehe."

"Ugh." Karkat presses his palm to his forehead, either nursing a headache or checking for a fever. "What do you want?"

You lean in quickly and peck him on the lips.

"That." You grin at him, as he splutters angrily and wipes at his lips. "Now, down to business: Aradia, prime suspect number one, is currently on LOFAF. We'll have to question her later."

"I sent her away because I already accused her once." Karkat explains, wiping his tongue on his sweater even though you'd only kissed him for about half a second. Seriously, here you were thinking that Eridan was a drama queen. "I don't want it to look like I'm singling her out."

"She's still on the list though." You nod. "Anyways, as I was saying: Equius is also gone, although he was supposedly unconscious during the time of the murder. A solid cover if there ever was one."

"I was always going to send him out with the humans too, since he's the least likely suspect. John requested him though before I got the chance. So all's well that ends well, I guess."

"That's great, but can I fucking finish talking please?" You glare harshly at him or at least you hope that you are. Being blind sort of ruins the effectiveness of a good glare. "Anyways, before I was interrupted for the second time, I was saying that: Kanaya is next. She was actually killed by Gamzee. That's what we in the business call a _'motivation'_. Finally there's Nepeta, who was supposed to be watching unconscious Equius. No one can vouch for her whereabouts though, so she's a suspect too."

"I know all of this!" He cries. "I thought you were going to be helpful."

"Relax, Karkles." You placate. "I'm just getting my thoughts in order. Now, I suggest that we tackle Nepeta first. She's head over tail for you, buddy, you know what that means, right?"

"No and I don't care…"

"It means that she'll answer whatever questions you have for her, no problem."

"Fine." Karkat doesn't look to happy about having to talk to Nepeta for any reason, even one such as this. "Let's just get this over with then and what did I say about calling me '_Karkles'_."

You don't respond, but give another breathy cackle and open the door, stepping back out in the hallway. Last time you checked, your former role play buddy was on the deck enjoying the cool LOFAF breezes. You and Karkat start heading that way.

"You know that I'm a suspect too, right?" You remind him. "I'm just as likely to be the killer as any of these people."

"Yeah, well you were outside with me burying corpses when he died." He says, and then adds after a moment: "And, well… I trust you, Terezi."

Your step falters, but you recover quickly, making up for it by adjusting your grip on your walking cane. He doesn't seem to have noticed your misstep, since he's already halfway up the stairs to the deck. Another grin twists your lips. You're forever grinning around Karkat, partially because he's fun to poke at, but also because you've always considered him to one of the few people in the universe that you actually appreciate.

And as it turns out, he feels the same.

You follow him up the steps, feeling lighter than you've felt in a long, long time.

* * *

**Who killed Gamzee? Pshh, I don't know. We'll find out soon though.**

**For those who review: Who's your patron troll? **  
**I was born on October Sixteenth or 10/16. **  
**1+1+0+6=8**  
**8=Vriska. So my patron troll is Vriska.**  
**HELL FUCKING YES. (note: I may be calculating this wrong, although I hope not)**

**This is now the longest JohnRose fic on this website. That's nice, right?**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	24. ACT 3 - PART 3

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**Thanks to A Dreaming Songbird (aka Mouse), demonwindy, a random guest, and cheezebuns for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are Jade Harley. I hope you brought your coats, because it's cold as dicks out here! Again!

You're lucky enough to be snugly wrapped up in your winter coat, which you've somehow managed to keep with you throughout your adventure. Paired with your earmuffs, you're more than ready to brave the harsh chill of the LOFAF wind and snow.

Now if only you also still had your rifle, or any rifle for that matter. Bro sliced your Grandpa's to pieces and you just flat out left the harpoon gun behind when The Scratch was stolen by Jack Noir. For all you know, that blue thunder bazooka probably fell to its fiery death in LOHAC's lava ocean.

"Such a shame." You mutter.

"What was that?" Dave asks from your left.

He's wearing his red suit still and despite it's fashionable appearance, it doesn't look very warm. If he's suffering from the chill though, he keeps it to himself. You, Dave, Aradia have just landed in LOFAF not but a few minutes ago. The plan is to wait until the computer is up and running so that Kanaya can give you a location for your Quest Bed.

"Oh nothing." You respond to Dave and kick at a nearby snow drift woefully. "Just wishing I had a gun."

Dave nods. He can empathize with you, having lost his own weapon, a sweet medieval blade, as well.

"You don't have a weapon?" Aradia is standing on a nearby rock, scouting the area. She looks to you now though. "Why didn't you say anything before we left?"

"I didn't think we had the time or grist to alchemize anything." You shrug. "Besides, I don't think we'll bump into anything too dangerous, will we?"

"It's hard to tell." Aradia scans the horizon again, or at least what she can see of it. All this falling snow doesn't make for good visibility. "Kanaya did say that your quest bed might be guarded."

"John's wasn't." Dave points out. "His bed was just chilling out on a damn hill apparently, waiting for him to stumble along and bash his head open on it."

Aradia responds with something but you don't hear it. You've just tuned both of your travel companions out as a sudden thought blows through you like a Shotgun shell full of buckshot.

Dave just mentioned a hill. Your house was on a hill. Your house is in LOFAF. There are hella guns in your house!

"Guys!" You excitedly butt back into whatever discussion they were having. "I have an idea!"

The trek back to your house is a relatively short one. Having spent the early hours of the game searching for frogs to breed, you're reasonably familiar with the immediate area around your domicile. A left at a crooked tree there, a right at a lumpy boulder here, and soon you're following a rough path towards the home you used to share with your Grandpa.

A warm wave of melancholy washes over you as you navigate the snowy landscape. You've never trotted around your home land like this without Bec by your side. He had usually swathed a path for you through the snowy blanket, making it easier for you to walk. He really had been a good dog, a true third of your family.

Another third, your aforementioned Grandpa, is still being held prisoner by Jack Noir, currently one-handed and probably confused out of his fucking mind. You don't blame him, without the trolls here to explain most things to you, you'd probably be completely lost as well.

You pray that he's still alive. John had explained to you that Jack Noir only cut off your Grandpa's hand to fuck with you, and you believe him. Still though, your old man was never exactly young in your eyes and an injury like that certainly won't ease the speed at which he's progressing through life. You've already lost so much to this game…

"Hey, Harley!" Dave calls your name. You look towards him and see that he's pointing towards your house. "Welcome home, babe."

You smile and follow him up the hill, staring at his wispy blonde hair as it's tossed about in the breeze. Yeah, you've lost a lot, but you've also gained quite a bit too.

"Fucking hell." You grumble, seeing that the front door is hanging off the hinges. "Just when I was starting to cheer up. Someone goes and pulls a 'B and E' on my house."

"A _'Bee and Eee'_?" Aradia repeats.

"Breaking and Entering." You define, and then address Dave. "What do you think, imps?"

He crouches down next to the door, peeking over the snow soaked threshold and into the darkness of the house.

"Probably, I don't think the consorts would pull something like this." He says. "Unless your land is full of little, angst-filled iguana delinquents, rebelling against their iguana parents by performing misdemeanors and smoking iguana dope behind the iguana school."

You wonder if iguana dope is any better than regular, human dope.

"What are parents?" Aradia asks.

"Holy shit. That might be the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life."

You ignore both of them and cautiously enter the house. The entryway, left unprotected by the door, is predictably covered with frost and melted snow, otherwise known as water. The carpet _squelches_ grossly under your boots and your breath blows from your lips in icy clouds.

Dave shuts the door after all of you have entered the house, silencing the wind and casting your group into darkness.

"Hashtag spooky." He declares, examining the foyer.

"Well in its defense, I have sort of been away for a while." You cross over to the light switch fixed into the wall. With a swift flick, the lights fail to illuminate diddly-squat. "Generators out. I'll have to get it running again."

"Let me guess. It's in the basement?"

"Bingo!"

"Wonderful, I was just wondering if this could get anymore cliché and scary." Dave shivers for the first time.

"Oh, don't tell me you're a big pansy." You tease, poking him in the stomach.

"Naw. I'm just saying what everyone is thinking." He defends himself and pokes you back.

"Stop, that tickles." You snigger, slapping at him.

"Hey, I know that you guys are a couple now, so you feel obligated to waste time on bullshit like this, but I'd actually _like_ to get some shit done before we all freeze to death in here." Aradia rubs at her arms, sounding a little annoyed.

"Sorry." You respond sheepishly, and then lead the way towards a door set under the stairs, which will in turn lead to the basement.

"Don't sweat it, Aradia." Dave says from somewhere behind you. "You'll find that special someone for you one of these…"

"Shut up, Strider." She cuts him off sharply.

Well now, isn't someone full of vinegar?

Standing at the top of the stairs, you turn back to Aradia.

"You should probably go first, right? In case there's… you know, something waiting for us." You like to think that whoever busted in your house has already absconded. You can never be too sure though.

Aradia nods in agreement and rather violently pushes past Dave to lead the charge into the basement. Her hand goes to her waist, unfurling a bullwhip from somewhere within that awesome satchel of hers. You're kind of hoping that there's an imp waiting for you below, just so you can see her use that thing.

The steps don't make a single sound as you descend. One of the many chores bestowed upon you by your Grandpa was oiling every nut and bolt in this whole damn house, preventing rust and ensuring the longevity of your appliances.

"_Pay attention, pumpkin." _Your Grandpa had once said, lifting up a can and leaking a dribble of oil onto a door hinge. _"Just a few drops and… Jade."_

"_What?"_ You remember swinging your head back around to face him. You'd been looking out the window, watching the sun set.

"_I told you to pay attention."_

"_I know, Papa. I was just…"_

"_Just what?"_

"_Can't I learn about this later? I want to go play."_

His face, weather with age and adventure, hardened slightly.

"_I'm not always going to be here to teach you this stuff, Jade. One day you're going to have to do without me. Do you want to look back and wish that you'd paid more attention to your old man when he was alive?"_

"_No! It's just that… well, it's perfect full moon out tonight!" _You're second favorite book was an almanac. _"I want to go see the moon!"_

"_The moon will always be there."_

The moon will always be there… An obvious statement that had proven to be somewhat incorrect. The moon you're used to probably blew up along with earth. Thinking back, wanting to see the full moon was probably a shitty excuse to get out of doing chores. You were young though, so you'll give yourself a pass on that one.

You forget the rest of that particular encounter. All you know is that it was probably _intense_. Your encounters with your Grandpa usually are.

God, you hope that he isn't dead.

Back in the present, Aradia leaps lightly from the bottom step, landing cat-like on the stone floor. Over her shoulder, you squint into the darkness and wait for your eyes to adjust. No sooner have vague shapes begin to form from the blackness, when a loud _crack_ cut through the silence.

Behind you, Dave flinches violently and you gasp. Aradia cries out triumphantly, whip raised in victory, and stoops down over the still form of a… rat.

"Got him." She says, dangling the rodent proudly in front of your face. "Little bastard never knew what hit him."

"Ew." You lightly bat the rat out of the way. "Impressive, but… Ew."

With the basement now secured, you get to work locating the generator, not an easy task in a pitch dark room. Eventually you give a muffled shriek of agony as your shins slam into it.

"You alright?!" Dave calls from his position on the stairs.

"Yeah!" You respond with watery eyes. "Like a million fucking bucks!"

You find that one of the hoses has been disconnected. You reattached it, make sure that the gas tank is moderately full, and pull on the rip cord a total of four times, before the generator growls with life. The light bulb in the ceiling blinks on and you gasp once more.

Everything in the basement has been stripped bare. Tool boxes, storage crates, food stores, all of it ransacked and gone.

"Damn!" You turn and push past your companions, dashing back up the stairs. "No. No. No!"

The main foyer, now fully illuminated is equally bare. The afghan rug from Afghanistan is gone. The volute krater vase from Greece is gone. The Lee Reynolds painting from Los Angeles is gone. It's all gone, everything is gone, everything your Grandpa worked so hard to collect. Gone. Gone. Gone!

"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!" You shriek and kick at the carpet as hard as you can, spraying water onto the wall.

"What?! What's wrong?!" Dave comes barging up the stairs with Aradia on his heels.

"THEY TOOK EVERYTHING, DAVE! THOSE THIEVING BASTARDS!" You yell. "Everything that was mine! They fucking took it! Why the hell did they take the Lee Reynolds?!" You point to the vacant square on the wall. "That shit isn't even valuable!"

"Babe, calm down."

"NO!" You turn and dash towards the door, throwing it open once more and stepping out into the snow. "CAN YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKASSES?! YOU BETTER HOPE THAT I NEVER CATCH YOU, OR ELSE I'LL..."

You're cut off when Dave grabs you around the waist and carries you, kicking and screaming, back into the house.

"Cut it out! Jesus Christ!" He sets you back on your feet. "Harley, what does it matter? All this stuff is pointless anyways now that the world is fucking toast."

"It's not pointless! It's exactly the opposite!" You shove away from him. "All this stuff," You gesture around the empty house. "Is _irreplaceable_ now. Do you get that?! My Grandpa is going to be _sooo_ pissed that I lost _everything._"

Suddenly, as if a switch is flicked, tears and snot and everything is just pouring out of your face like it's some bloated sponge. You clench your fists and bury them in your eyes, angry and disappointed and overwhelmed truthfully with everything that's happened, and everything that you're expected to do. Dave's bony arms snake around you and you press yourself into his chest, hoping to burrow through that ridiculous suit and hide under his rib cage.

"Stupid, thieving fucks." You sob into his chest. "Whoever did this is gonna pay. Big time. I'm going to make sure of that."

"Yeah," Dave rocks you and pets your mess of dark hair. "I know."

One day, years in the future, when you finally confront the one responsible for the theft, you'll regret those words. You'll regret them so very much.

But that's a story we'll get to eventually. (wonk. I mean, wink*)

After a few minutes, Aradia gets fed up with all the hugging and crying, but by then you're pretty much all dried and cried out anyways.

"Um, Jade." She says, for the first time looking unsure. You don't blame her. All these emotions running wild are a little confusing for you too. "I'm sorry, but we _did_ come here for a reason. Are you saying that all these weapons you mentioned are gone too?"

You pull back from Dave and drag your nose across your sleeve. Gross, but you're too busy still fuming quietly to care.

"I don't know, probably." You sniff and sigh. "Let's go find out."

You lead the way, somewhat halfheartedly, up the stairs and into the armory. Sure enough, everything not bolted to the floor has been stolen. You bite down the lump that forms in your throat.

"They took the Eighteen Ninety- Two Experimental Trapdoor Springfield." You mutter through gritted teeth.

"If you keep announcing all the stuff that's been stolen whenever you enter a new room, you're going to end up with a sore throat." Dave says, scanning the racks upon racks of empty air. He nods towards a large cabinet against the wall. "What's in there?"

"Probably the only shit they couldn't have taken." You cross to the gun closet and quickly key in the combination. The door swings open. "Oh… Hell Fucking Yes…"

You reach into the cabinet.

"What have you got?" Dave tries to peek over your shoulder. "What is that?"

"This…" You pull out the rifle. Heavy, black, dangerous, and sexy, this gun is probably the only thing in the world at the moment that could put a smile on your face. "This is a girl's best friend."

"Any swords in there?" Dave 'one track mind' Strider asks.

"Yeah, but be careful though. Most of them are artifacts." You turn away from the cabinet, allowing your boyfriend to dive in headfirst. You find Aradia leaning against the wall. "You wanna grab something? I wouldn't mind if you used one."

You nod your head towards the cabinet in invitation, but Aradia just shakes her head.

"No thanks, Jade. I'm more than happy with what I've got." She pats her satchel fondly and you shrug before examining your new rifle once more. God, this thing is so sweet. Eventually, Aradia speaks again. "What's so special about that one? Is it powerful?"

She's indicating the rifle that is currently being cradled in your arms like a newborn child.

"Well, not really." You explain as Dave rattles quite loudly behind you, trying to free one of the swords your Grandpa stashed away. "My Grandfather built this from scratch when I was really little. He never let me use it though. Anyways, it's got some solid stopping power, although it's no lightening gun."

"Lightening gun?"

"Oh yeah. When me and Dave were at your guy's old base, he found this weird, blue harpoon gun in one of the rooms. It shot lightening. Pretty cool, huh?"

"I think you're talking about Ahab's Crosshairs." Aradia says. "One of Eridan's personal creations. He must have left it behind when he defected to Jack Noir's evil team."

"You think it was the same gun?"

"Well how many blue, electricity firing, harpoon guns can there be, Jade?"

A sharp _crack_ cuts you off before you can even speak. Both you and Aradia turn to find Dave standing awkwardly in front of the gun cabinet, dumbly holding half of a sword.

"Dave, what the fuck!" You shout. "That was The Legendary Blade of Caledfwlch!"

"More like The Legendary Piece of Shit." He responds, throwing the ruined blade onto the ground and disappearing back into the cabinet. "What kind of sword just breaks like that?"

"The wrong one, obviously! Try not to break anymore irreplaceable relics, asshole!" You ear muffs beep then, causing you to jump. What is it with random noise surprising you? Why can't everyone just leave you alone? You reach up and tap a finger to one of your ear muffs. "Go for Jade."

"It's Kanaya." Responds a voice of the smoothest silk. "I have a location for your quest bed, but you aren't going to like it."

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope.

You are now Terezi Pyrope. You and Karkat step out into the sunlight and instantly locate Nepeta near the rear of the ship. It's time for you to do what you do best. It's time for you to be the law!

"Freeze kitty cat!" You shout, pulling out a finger gun and leveling it at Nepeta's chest.

She gives a small squeak when she finds herself threatened, and throws her paws in the air.

"The Mighty Huntress has been caught by surrrprise." Nepeta grimaces. "She feigns defeat and waits for the purfect time to counter-attack!"

"GC is not about to let the Mighty Huntress escape." You pretend to fire you gun. "She puts a slug right into the Huntresses' heart."

"The Mighty Huntress falls!" Nepeta collapses in a fit of giggles on the deck of the ship.

You're grinning stupidly yourself and you turn to Karkat to see the most severe look of pure disgust smeared across his face.

"I seriously hate all of you." He grumbles, stepping forward and prodding Nepeta in the ribs with his toe. "Get the fuck up. This is serious business."

"Hey, Karkitty!" She beams up at him, rolling onto her back and batting at his shoes with her palms. "I was just thinking about you!"

"Really? What a coincidence, I was just wondering how hard it would be to toss you overboard." He grabs her under the arm and hauls her upright. "My guess is that it wouldn't be very hard at all!"

Well it looks as if Karkat has quickly defined himself as the "Bad Cop". That's a sucks. You were really looking forward to roughing up a few suspects. Nepeta doesn't look too worried though, as she hangs limply in his grasp. This is probably a dream come true for her, getting to both role-play with you and tussle with Karkat in the time span of about sixty seconds.

"Ahem." You clear your throat, stepping forward to assume the other fifty percent of the age-old interrogation technique. "Leave her alone, Karkat. We came here to talk, not to hurt feelings."

"Seems to me you came up here to play fucking games!" He releases Nepeta though, and stalks over to you. "You better not be wasting my time."

He glares at you with a certain laughable intensity that only he is capable of.

"I'm not. You said you trusted me, remember?" You placate him with a pat him on the shoulder to. "So trust me."

You step away from him, closer to Nepeta as to address her fully.

"We just want to ask you a few questions, Nep. Then we'll be on our way."

"What sort of questions?" She asks, as she dusts away some of the dirt that accumulated on her coat when she was rolling around on the deck.

"Well for one, what were you doing the night Gamzee died? Before we found his body, I mean."

Her head cocks to the side and you're almost sure that one of her horns flickers like a cat's ear, although it might just be a trick of the light.

"Oh, Geez Terezi. It seems like furever since that happened." She scratches at her chin absentmindedly. "Ummm, I remember watching Equius when he was cat-napping. Why do you want to know?"

"We're just trying to get a better picture of what happened that night." You lean forward on your cane, pricking your ears, flaring your nostrils, and sticking your tongue out of the corner of your mouth. You ask your next question. "Were you upset that Gamzee was planning to kill Equius?"

You hear a subtle gritting of teeth, taste a salty tinge of sweat, and smell a warm rush of heavy, jungle air.

"Of course I was upset! He's my Meowrial." She exclaims. "And the Huntress always purtects a member of her pride."

"So, did you think it was a little unfair that Gamzee got off with a slap on the wrist and a pat on the back?"

"Yes, it was totally unfair!"

"Were you angry?"

"Mhmm."

"Angry enough…" Here it comes. "TO COMMIT MURDER!"

**SUDDEN ACCUSATION x1**

Nepeta gasps and leans away from you, nervous sweat collecting on her forehead and lush, earthy blood flowing quickly through her veins. You've got her now. She's nervous, a little afraid, surprised, and completely caught off guard.

"What?! No!" She's pressed against the railing now.

"You!" You proclaim, forgetting your role as 'Good Cop' completely. Being bad is just too much fun. "In a fit of anger, decided that the near death of your Morial was a good enough reason to seek reparation! So you left Equius, snuck into Gamzee's room and stabbed him to death with your razor sharp kitty claws!"

"NO!" Nepeta shrieks, covering her ears with her hands. "It wasn't me!"

"Who else could it have been?! If the glove fits, then…" You forget the rest of that human saying. "Then… then the glove motherfucking fits!"

You hear Karkat to your left, looking onto the scene with stunned apprehension. He probably wasn't expecting your line of questioning to dissolve so quickly into a full out indictment. Your deputy has a lot to learn about the convoluted, nonsensical sphere of justice.

"Kanaya!" Nepeta proclaims suddenly. "She was outside Gamzee's room! I went to get some water and she was there! I saw her!"

"Psshhh! Save it, Maru." Karkat interjects. "Kanaya would never go against a direct order. I told her that Gamzee was off limits."

"She was there though." Nepeta continues. "Remember, it was me and her that told you about Gamzee. She was there! She said that she found him. She did it!"

"Fuck this. Cuff her, Terezi." Karkat commands.

Even if you had cuffs, (which you don't, which you should, dammit why don't you have cuffs) you would never take Nepeta into custody right now. Not only is she the first suspect that you've questioned, but she's also most likely innocent.

You taste the air once more, finding it to be full of fear, anger, and a little bit of pee. She hasn't confessed yet, only given light to new evidence. Namely, the presence of Kanaya at the scene of the crime.

You don't know if she's so nervous right now because you've just accused her, or because she doesn't like talking about uncomfortable thing such as death, or simply because she's within reaching distance of her flushed crush. You need to step back, reassess the situation, and question some more Gog-damn suspects.

"You're free to go, Nepeta." You say, surprising both your deputy and your former role play partner.

"WHAT!" Karkat roars.

You ignore him and hold out a hand to your friend, currently hiding inside of her coat, more like a turtle than a cat for once.

"Really?" She sniffs, looking at you hand with confusion and fear.

"Yeah, come on. Go and get yourself cleaned up. We're done with you… for now." She takes your hand and you pull her into a quick hug, before pushing her gently towards the stairs.

"WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK WAS THAT?!" Karkat demands as Nepeta scampers away to disappear down the steps.

"It's called police work, Nubs." You say, spinning your cane between your nimble fingers. "There's no way in hell that we'd get a confession out of her in that flustered state. And you never want to pin the blame on your first suspect anyways. You need to collect evidence, gather facts, and question _others_."

You look at Karkat pointedly.

"No." He says, waving his hand and backing away subtly. "No way in hell. Kanaya wouldn't have done it."

"You said it yourself before, Gamzee did kill Kanaya, remember?" You lean close, hissing in his ear, enunciating each syllable so that he hears correctly. "_Moe-ti-vay-shun_."

He shivers when your tongue tickles his ear.

"I've considered it, yeah. I mean, of course." He slaps your hand, which had steadily been crawling up his arm. "But then again, I've considered a lot of stuff."

"Like what?"

"Well like maybe it wasn't any of us at all. Maybe…" He snaps his fingers. "Maybe it was Strider's fucking asshole douchebag brother. You know the one, the guy who tried to kill all of us and forced us out of our home. The one who mutilated Jade and Vriska. You know, _that_ one."

"Me and Dave have talked about this actually. His Bro is being mind controlled, and fighting it too. If he had _really_ wanted to kill us, he would have snuck around and taken us out one by one, not blasted through the fucking ceiling like a sword-wielding cannon ball."

"Yeah, so. John mentioned something about brainwashing, but what does that have to do with anything." He crosses his arms. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that it makes no sense whatsoever for Bro to sneak in, kill Gamzee, run away, and then come back later, swords blazing. From what I hear, Bro is quite the master ninja. If he wanted us dead, then we would be dead."

"Fuuuhh." Karkat's shoulders slump and he folds his arms tighter around himself.

You feel your heart soften slightly, seeing him look so defeated.

"What changed?" You ask. "You said that Kanaya was one of your top suspects, right? That's why she's on board this ship right now and not down with Rose on LOLAR. You wanted to question her. Why the cold feet and second guessing all the sudden?"

"I… fuck, we…" He gestures dumbly towards where Nepeta was just standing. "We had _her_. We didn't need to question anyone else. I thought we could… I don't know. Avoid it. She's like the only friend I have left and I don't…" He sighs heavily, as if he knows that he's being stupid. "I don't _want _it to be her."

"I'm sorry." You say and you mean it too. You know what it's like to be pitted against a friend. "But you wanted my help. Now you got it."

You extend your hand again, this time towards him. He looks like it warily, as if it's some sort of trap, like you're wearing one of those ridiculous buzzer things that will shock him the second he touches you.

Note to self: alchemize handcuffs and ridiculous buzzer things that will shock someone the second they touch you.

Eventually, Karkat reaches out and tentatively takes your hand.

"Come on," You say, tugging him towards the stairs. "Let's go ruin the last of your friendships."

* * *

**Super-Big-Mega-Awesome Thanks to Jeedies for drawing a glorious piece of art, depicting a scene from this very story! I know, right? I'm excited too. The scene is from chapter twenty and it's John giving Karkat his Wriggeling Day gift.**

**You can find the art on my tumblr: mlp-mike**

**And you can find Jeedies other awesome work on her tumlr, also called: jeedies**

**Now, I know that I'm setting a lot of stuff up in this story, but i promise: it will all pay off in the end.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**-Mike**


	25. ACT 3 - PART 4

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**Possible trigger warning: Thoughts of suicide.**

**Thanks to demonwindy for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are Rose Lalonde.

You are currently resting on the shore of a rainbow ocean, lounging on one of the many beaches on LOLAR. Any minute now, Kanaya should get in touch with you and relay the location of your quest bed. Then you and your travel companions will head there.

And then you will kill yourself.

That's the plan at least. Stated in the most basic and straightforward manner possible. Sugarcoating your inevitable demise will only delay the process at which you come to terms with your fate. It's best, in your opinion, to face the challenge head on, combating whatever seeds of doubt surface as they appear. Namely, what if this plan doesn't work?

You've been wrong about game mechanics before, with disastrous results. What if this is no different? What if you die, but do not resurrect? What if you perish for good?

"_Well then that would be it for you."_ Is the simple answer. You'd be dead and it would be up to John and everyone else to save your mother, along with the rest of your universe. Their likelihood for success would most likely decease, of course, but then again you wouldn't have to worry about screwing anything up again.

You would be released from these earthy bonds, embraced by the cold tendrils of death, and… set free. Would the Horrorterrors still plague you in death? It seems unlikely, since you don't remember their influence whilst you lay slain by the hand of Jack Noir, although that may have been due to your proximity to John. Another question on a long list of questions, which buzz around in your head like a hive full of disgruntled bees.

How does your best friend fit into all of this? You wonder. Could it be a side effect of his windy powers, the ability to literally blow away the evil incidence of elder beasts? You don't know and you aren't about to ask him about it. You've gotten enough concerned glances and comments already today without bringing up the presence of demonic voices in your head.

As you lean back in the sand, feeling the heat of two suns caressing your face, you think about death, escape, John, your mother, Horrorterrors, and Kanaya. Predominately though, you think about your last conversation with the female troll before your departure. Remembering her nervous smile, the perfect swoops of her hair, the immaculate fangs protruding from her upper lip to glimmer in the daylight. She really was an exquisite creature, whose physical appearance was only rivaled by her intellectual endowment.

"What are you thinking about?" John's voice rouses you from your thoughts.

"Hmmm." You hum in response, buying time. "Just plotting my next foray into the world of literary works. I'm thinking of writing a book, if you must know."

"Really?"

"Yes."

You turn head to face him. He's sitting cross-legged by your side, a look of sincere curiosity directed towards you.

"You're sure that you're not thinking of anything else?" He asks.

You blow a stubborn strand of hair out of your eyes.

"Positive." You say plainly. "Why? Do I look as if my mind is otherwise occupied?"

"You're forehead is winkled up like an accordion." He grins, poking you firmly between the eyes. When did he get so close? "That only happens when you're having a hardcore philosophy jam inside your head."

You frown, disappointed that he's picked up on an apparent tell that you've been unaware of until now. It seems that your usual calm, stoicism has been jeopardized as of late. Not a hard idea to fathom, considering the trials you've endured up to this point.

You debate whether or not to admit to John what you were thinking. Not the garbage about Kanaya, but your thoughts on death and peace and escape. If anyone were to know anything about the afterlife, it'd probably be him. He's died the most out of anyone.

"Can I pick your brain for a moment?" You ask.

"Sure."

You flop backwards onto the sand and after a second he joins you. The pair of you look up through half-lidded eyes towards the bright sky.

"Do you remember anything about death?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, what was it like to die?"

He exhales heavily, thinking.

"I dunno really." He pauses. "Why are you asking? I mean, you died too, right? On Jack Noir's castle."

"You're correct. I have indeed experienced death and resurrection." You roll gently onto your side to set your eyes on him. "But it was almost like a dream, since the Horrorterrors were clouding my thoughts. I was conscious one second and then conscious another. I remember being stabbed and then you waking me up. It was like anesthesia, artificial sleep that erased all thoughts in between life and death from my memory."

John's lying with his head resting upon his laced fingers. His head flops over to the side and your gazes meet.

"You're nervous about dying, huh?"

"Not exactly, just curious." You admit. "Were you… afraid? Or was it just peaceful. Or…"

"If you're asking if there's an afterlife, then…" He chews his lip. "I don't think there is one. I mean, you can believe whatever you want, but when I was dead everything was just black."

"Black?"

"Yup, there was nothing." He swallows hard and looks back towards the sky. "I don't want you to be afraid, but honestly I don't think dying is really ever going to be a pleasant experience. At least compared to being alive. When I died, there was just nothing, no light, or time, or space, or anything. It was just me."

"Oblivion." You mutter to yourself.

"Yeah, I guess." He hears you.

"Is that what Vriska is going through right now?" The second the words are out of your mouth, you regret them.

John stiffens in the sand and for a moment, you're afraid that he might lash out at you. What a stupid thing to ask. Of course he's worried about his Matesprit, and the idea of her floating in eternity isn't going to put his mind at ease.

"I don't know." He says quietly. "Last time I saw her she was in my dream house or whatever. She seemed… fine, I suppose. I just don't know. I guess anything could have happened since the last time I saw her."

"I'm sure she's fine." You're quick to placate him.

"Mhmm." He appears to be only vaguely aware of what you've just said. "I just wonder sometimes, you know? Like if she won't be there when I finally get the ring, or that she'll be _really_ dead when I get there, or maybe so much time would have passed that she…" He pauses again. "That she might not even give a shit about me at all."

He's being really open to you right now about his insecurities. So much so, that you feel like a shitty person for wanting to keep yours hidden from him.

"I don't belive that for one second." You say, reaching out to find pat his arm. "I think that right now you're Vriska's only hope of coming back to life. She won't forget about that. She won't ever forget what you're doing for her."

He looks at you again, his face still twisted with a frown.

"Yeah." He sighs and changes the conversation rather quickly. Or, more accurately, redirects it back towards its original trajectory. "So you're thinking that everything would be easier if you were dead, right?"

"I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind." You answer honestly, surprised by his perceptiveness. Yet more proof that you're not really all that of a mystery to John. That you never really have been.

"Well then listen to me right now." He rolls over so that you're now both facing each other. "Take it from someone who's spent a lot of time dead: It sucks. Like, a lot."

You can't help the smile that tugs at your lips, watching him lie in the sand and grin at you.

"I'll remember that." You say, feeling quite light for the moment.

"You better." He reaches forward and pokes you between the eyes again, causing you to realize how stressed your forehead had become again. "Trust me, Rose. You don't need to worry about this quest bed stuff. Everything will be okay."

"Alright. I trust you." Because if you can't trust him, then you really can't trust anyone else.

A soft _beep_ in your ear informs you that you've just received a call. You tap a slender finger on your headband and the lens flicks out over your right eye.

"Hello?" You answer."

"Rose, it's Kanaya." Replies a lyrical voice. "I, um… How are you?"

You smirk, while John looks on quizzically. He mouths '_who is it?'_ and you respond _'Kanaya'_. The female troll is going to have to learn to not be so awkward around you in the future, if she does truly wish to spend more time with you that is. Until the day where she grows more comfortable though, your endure her incredibly endearing unease.

"I'm well." You chuckle. "And yourself?"

"Oh." She seems surprised that you understand common conversational etiquette. "I'm… also well."

You wait for her to continue, growing more and more amused with every passing second in which you spend in silence.

"Kanaya?"

"Yes! Yes, what is it?"

"I assume there is a reason for this call."

"Oh, of course. I have a location for your quest bed."

"Ah," You sit upright and give John a thumbs up. "Alright, where is it?"

"About ninety meters north of your location and one hundred and forty meters straight down."

You blink, look northward, and frown.

"So you're… saying that it's- underwater?" You speak slowly, deliberately so that you won't have to repeat yourself.

"Oh," Kanaya puffs for the third time, her voice rather high pitched and breathy. "There's water there? Sorry, the viewfinder installed on this husktop is rather outdated. It's barely giving me an image at all."

"But you're certain that you have the location of my quest bed correct."

You look to John. He's listening enraptured to fifty percent of your conversation. He appears to have gotten the gist of it though and he looks more puzzled and concerned than unhappy with Kanaya's results. You can tell that he's already thinking of a way to get your little party down to the bottom of the rainbow tinted ocean.

"Most definitely, what this program lacks in elegance it most certainly makes up in accuracy. Your quest bed should be exactly where I specified."

"Well I guess one thing that comes from this is that I won't have to worry about stabbing myself or something equally barbaric. I can simply down myself on my quest bed."

Kanaya is silent for a moment.

"I, uh… that was a joke." You add quickly.

"I see. Haha." Her laugh is an octave higher than her regular voice and obviously forced. Maybe you also have much to learn when it comes to social interaction. Even with all of your psychology textbooks, you still have a great capacity for 'foot into mouth' interaction.

You sigh.

"I'll see you soon, Kanaya."

"Likewise," She responds. "We're heading back to recollect team one as we speak. Be ready at the pick-up location in… I'd say about forty-five minutes."

"That's quick." You comment. In a way, it's probably for the best that your death will be under a time crunch, less chance that you'll get cold feet. "We'll be there."

You hang up after a quick salutation, sparing yourself and Kanaya from any more opportunities to reenact more cliché adolescent inelegance (a word you'd never thought you would have associated with Kanaya).

"Was that Kanaya?" It's Equius, stomping across the sand towards you. "Do we know where we're going yet?"

"Yes, it was her." You stand up, brushing loose sand from your skirt. "How does the perimeter look?"

"Not a soul in sight, no imps or anything. Not even those little turtle creatures." He says.

"Your consorts are gone?" John asks. "Where'd they go? Why would they leave?"

"I'd assume they left for the same reason that we must ultimately all come. Jack Noir has set up shop here for the time being." You answer. "And as for the _'where'_, I have no idea. Hopefully somewhere where they'll be safe."

"Would Jack Noir have, I don't know, rounded them up? Or something?" John looks worried. He's probably imagining a hundred different ways that Jack Noir could prepare LOLAR turtle soup.

"Doubtful." You're unsure yourself, but you change the subject. "It appears that my quest bed is at the bottom of the ocean." You nod your head towards the sea behind you."We'll have to descend to reach it."

Immediately Equius looks unpleased at this news. He wipes a layer of sweet off of his brow.

"I'll admane… I mean, I'll _admit_," He shifts nervously. "I don't _do_ well with water."

"What does that mean?" John asks. "You can't swim? That's alright, buddy. I'll just fly us down there, no problem."

You stomach performs a practiced somersault at the prospect of more flying, but really what had you expected? John will leap at any chance to stretch his metaphorical wings. You're not looking forward to bursting his bubble by refusing his offer.

"No. It isn't that. It's just." Equius seems to be struggling with his words.

He's afraid. You can see all the signs easily missed by others, namely John. He's afraid, and he's hesitant to admit it.

"We'll need you on the shore to keep watch." You say firmly. "John and I will go down and return shortly. Be ready to move though when we arrive. We'll only have minutes to reach our rendezvous point by then."

"Yes, good plan." Equius nods quickly. "I shall be the best lookout ever. Of all time."

He stomps away again towards a nearby sand dune without another word, leaving you and John alone on the beach. It's for the best, you decide. You'd rather have Equius being useless on the surface than panicking underwater. You're going to have a hard enough time keeping your own panic levels under control as it is.

"Is it a good idea to leave him up here by himself?" John asks, indicating Equius's receding figure.

"He'll be fine. This will only take a few minutes." You kneel down and begin untying your shoelaces. "I expect that you'll be able to supply us with some breathable air, yes?"

"Yeah, totally." You don't have to look at John to know he's grinning, definitely excited to be using his windy powers again. "That won't be a problem at all. I've actually been wondering whether or not I even need to breathe at all since… Wh- what are you doing?"

You've just begun tugging your sweater up and over your head.

"Insuring that my only set of functional clothes aren't completely ruined." You can't fight the smirk that tugs at your lips. "Don't be silly, John. It's just underwear."

He turns away, face burning, when you stoop low again to fold your clothes onto a neat pile atop your sneakers. As an afterthought, you retrieve your needle wands from your skirt's pocket and tuck them away safely in your bra. You don't know what might be at the bottom of the ocean, so it's best to come prepared with your weapons.

You straighten up, hands on your hips.

"Well?" You ask.

"Well what?" He shoots back, still not looking at you.

"Are you really going to leave me alone, isolated on a symbolic island of near indecent nudity?"

"I'm not stripping for you." He replies crossing his arms.

"It's not stripping, John. It's just irrational to get your clothes wet when it's dubious as to when you'll receive any new ones."

"It's just water, it's not like we're swimming in sewage."

You wrinkle your nose at the thought. Maybe he's right? Maybe you were a little too quick to slim down to your knickers, and have thus made it awkward? You don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. You don't know why he's acting so nervous, considering that you probably have about as much sex appeal as a dead, dried up, rotting house plant.

Before you can say anything else though, John speaks once more.

"Screw it." He starts unbuttoning his shirt and kicking out of his shoes. "Just… turn around or something, okay?"

You roll your eyes and turn away.

"Oh come on, John. There's no reason to be bashful. You and I are a couple of professional heroes after all." He snorts from behind you, but you continue. "I mean, you're like a brother to me." He snorts again, louder and harder. You turn to face him. "It's not as if- aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh."

Your jaw hangs open and a low tone escapes from your throat like a sour note from the strings of a poorly tuned violin. John is _built_ and all of the sudden you feel very subconscious, standing there in your modest under things.

"Is… er, everything okay?" He asks, halfway though unbuckling his belt.

You mouth shuts with a sharp _clack_ off teeth against teeth. The dull, stretched out note emanating from your mouth goes silent and you just nod like a mindless bobble head. Why couldn't Dave have accompanied you on this trip? Sure his skills would have been near useless when trying to reach the bottom of the ocean, but at least you could have had a nice laugh at whatever snazzy briefs he was wearing.

With John though… there are too many conflicting emotions and old, childhood fantasies. You shake your head, forcing yourself to think of Kanaya. Prim, concise, elegant Kanaya, with her long flowing skirts and sculpted hair and OH MY GOD ARE THOSE LITTLE GHOST SLIMES?

John shivers in his signature boxers, looking for all the world like the most adorable dweeb in the universe. He could have been a footballer in another life, or maybe a medieval knight who gallivanted across the grassy knolls, slaying evil wizards and laying comely maidens.

You think you've just gotten inspiration for a second book, possibly a sequel to one which you've already plotted out quite extensively.

"Are we doing this or not?" John's rather snippy right now, isn't he?

"Yes, of course." You muster all of your professionalism and lead the way towards the water. It's fairly warm on your toes, a little like bath water. That's good in your opinion, since you're not much a fan of the cold.

John wades in next to you, causing quite a lot of disturbance as he trundles through the shallow.

"So just stay where I can see you and we should be fine." He says. "What, uh… are you going to do when, you know… when we get down there?"

"I was thinking I'd just drown myself." You respond evenly, automatically, like a robot.

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh, indeed."

He rubs the back of his neck in that awkward way of his.

"Do you want me to fly us down there?"

"No. I think I'll swim if it's all the same to you." There's no point in doing something you dislike, like flying (even if it is underwater), before doing something you'd usually want to avoid, such as dying.

"Sure, whatever you want." He says without argument.

With a deep breath you submerge yourself. The water closes around your head, but your force your eyes to remain open. You expect to feel the warm water rush for your nose and mouth, hoping to flood your airways before you even reach the bottom. However, the water molds around your head leaving a pocket of air between yourself and the ocean. It's almost as if you're wearing an invisible helmet.

You twist in the water to look at John. He's wearing a similar air hood, looking quite ridiculous, like an astronaut in his underpants. You tap your head set again and he answers on the first ring.

"Pretty cool, huh?" He answers.

"Will we have enough air?"

"Yeah, don't worry." He motions for you to continue forward. If you didn't know any better you'd think that he's almost urging you to hurry up and die.

You start to swim, paddling easily through the water towards your destination. Your mother had enlisted you in swimming lessons, along with other customary activities offered at the youth's center in your town. You'd performed well, as always, learning to move about in the water with easy assurance of your survival. Until now at least.

You decide to think about something besides your mother or death.

"Do you know what this reminds me of?" You say suddenly.

"That one scene in Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace when Qui Gon Jinn and Obi Wan Kenobi swim down to the Gugan City on Naboo to ask for help against the Separatist federation?"

"… No."

"Oh, okay then."

"I was thinking about the second task in the Triwizard Tournament in which Cedric Diggory and Fleur Delacour both try using the Bubble-Head Charm to retrieve their hostages from the bottom of the great lake."

"Nerd."

"Like you're one to talk. At least Harry Potter is _good_."

"Star Wars is good!"

"No, John." You say. "No, it really isn't."

You hear him mutter something about '_the original trilogy'_, but you're no longer listening. You've just gotten the first look at your quest bed. That was quick. It's an odd sight against the ghostly pale sand which covers the ocean floor. The bed is a slab of orange rock, with a stylized symbol carved into its face resembling a sun. The whole construct is surrounded by a loose ring of rose-colored coral.

You try to get your breathing under control.

"I suppose…" You drift down to the rock. It's smooth and cool beneath your feet in stark contrast to the water around you. "I suppose that you can take away this helmet now."

There's a long pause, but you don't turn to look at John. You know he's still there and you know what he's thinking.

"You know that you don't _have_ to do this right." He says after a while. "I mean, there's probably some way that we can beat Jack Noir without you having to be God Tier or whatever."

You've thought about it, trying to continue on your quest without making this little detour. However, without whatever God Tier powers going through with this might afford you, it's likely that you'll be more of a liability than an asset. And you are very, _very_ tired of being a liability.

"No. We came here to do this, so we're doing _this_." You turn to face John, donning your firmest, most effective brave face. "Come on, John. Make this easy on me."

You position yourself, lying flat on your back, looking up towards the streaks of sunlight filtering down from above, and wait to die.

"You look like a princess." John says. "Well, I mean." He coughs. "Like sleeping beauty or something. I don't know. Just pretend I'm not here. Haha."

You reach out and flail your hand until he catches it.

"It'll be fast." You blurt quickly. "Just stay here and make sure that I stay on the bed, okay?"

"Got it. I'll be right here." He rubs a thumb over your knuckles once, twice. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm ready."

He counts to three and then removes the hood of air from around your head. You don't hold your breath. You close your eyes, and die. Then, for the first time in forever, you feel free.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you've just watched one of your best friends die. You looked away as she went from calm, to calmer, to deadly still.

You think that you might want to throw up.

Thoughts and images flash through your head. A castle spire, a decapitated father, a black monster, and a dead Rose. She'd been just as still then as she was now. So tranquil, so at ease with herself.

You hated it then and you hate it now too, possibly more.

What's worse is that she's wearing nothing but a bra and a pair of panties. Talk about confusing! One second you're worrying about whether or not she was frightened before she died, and then the next you're prying your eyes away from the supple curve of her chest. Your mind and body is a flurry of depression and hormones, culminating in a very confused and slightly turned on John Egbert.

You grip her hand a fraction tighter and turn to examine an odd bit of coral surrounding you. It's a pale pink, almost peach-ish in color, forming a rough circle around Rose's Quest Bed. You watch it shimmer in the light almost like it's moving slowly, undulating like the body of a great worm.

Then the coral ring bucks like a horse and out from the ground rises a long, powerful looking snake-like creature. Rose's Denizen.

"Oh, fucking shit." You breathe. You're nearly certain that a little pee just leaked out of you.

The giant beast twirls in the water, spiraling around you in a giant coil. You can feel the current moving along with it, tugging you and Rose away from the bed. You call upon some of your windy powers to keep you from moving with an anti-current. You have to keep Rose on the bed for however long it takes for her to resurrect.

Maybe if you get lucky, the Denizen won't notice…

"Who disturbs my slumber?!"

Shit.

One end of the snake swivels around to face you. Two small, beady black circles are pointed in your direction and you guess that this is supposed to be the creatures face. Your thoughts are confirmed when a slit beneath the eyes opens, displaying rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth, and the beast speaks again.

"Who are you?!"

"Uh… John?" You answer uncertainly. It's times like these when you wish that you had a cooler name, or at least one that was more… you don't know, heroic.

"What do you want, _John_? Why are you in my domain?" The giant sea serpent's voice sounds like a thousand steel gears grinding against each other.

"Her Quest Bed is down here." You motion dumbly towards the sill motionless Rose. "We just came to…"

"That is her!" The Denizen interrupts you. "You've brought the Seer here?! Why?! Why would you do that?!"

The monster's voice is tinged with a tone that you peg as disbelief.

"Look, Mr. Denizen sir." You begin. "We're trying to defeat Jack Noir and we need her to be in God Tier to do that, so…"

"I am a woman!" The serpent interrupts you again.

"Wh- what?"

"You called me _Mr._ Denizen! When I am clearly a member of the female gender!"

"I, uh… er." This is honestly the most uncomfortable encounter you've ever had with a massive sea beast. "I'm- sorry?"

"You come down into _realm_, wake me from _my_ hibernation, insult me with incorrect suffixes, and all you can say is _'SORRY'_?!"

"What do you want from me, lady?! Can't you see that I'm in the middle of something here?!" You raise the hand still clasping Rose's and wave it a few times. You're starting to grow annoyed.

"What do I want from you!?" The Denizen repeats, multitude of teeth flashing. "Isn't it obvious _player_? I want you to _DIE!"_

**STRIFE!**

Like a bolt of lightning, the head of the serpent lunges down straight for you, intent on sucking your into her mouth and ripping you to shreds with those fangs. You were worried that it would come to this. You release Rose's hand and use what air is in the water to propel you downwards, beneath the Denizen. Once you've dodged the attack, your rocket upwards and put as much force as you can behind an uppercut to what you guess is her neck.

The Denizen's head snaps backwards and she somersaults away from you, carried aloft by a windy current of rainbow water.

"Come on, Rose." You speak to your friend as the Denizen recovers. "Come on, come on, come on."

The human girl is still asleep though, pressed against the stone slab, hair floating around her like a golden halo. There's no time to admire your friends natural beauty though, since the Denizen is already launching a counter attack.

You have a decision to make. You can stay here and try to fight the giant snake beast, most likely winding up dead. There isn't much air in the water for you to manipulate and fuck are you an idiot for forgetting your hammer on the beach!

Your second option is to lead the Denizen away from Rose. The monster didn't apparently approve of Rose's ascension into the God Tiers and you don't blame her, since Rose was technically supposed to kill her. However, instead of going after Rose, the snake beast is currently fixated on you. You can lead the Denizen to the beach and then double back for Rose, who would hopefully have resurrected by then.

You go with the second and obviously superior choice, at least in your mind. You turn tail and flee, flying back towards the beach with all the speed you can muster. The hot breath of the Denizen, like boiling water, is on your heels and you would absolutely hate to be killed at this moment, not only because you'd probably be dead for good due to your heroics, but also because there's a chance you might encounter Vriska again dressed in nothing but your underpants.

She's seen you in less, sure, but there's just something about the idea of popping up half naked that makes you think it would be really embarrassing.

All that aside, you're currently pushing yourself to the limit, streaking towards the beach at a high speed. The bubble you created around your head is steadily growing smaller and more warped the faster you go. You don't know how much longer you can keep this up or how much farther the beach is.

What the crap? It was totally not this far away earlier. But then again, there's always something about things that you want that make them seem further away than they actually are. That's a philosophy discussion you'd like to run by Rose later if you're both still alive then.

You end up with a face full of sand as the ocean floor begins to shallow out. You adjust your course, heading upwards and hoping to Jesus or Jegus or whoever exists that the Denizen doesn't catch you.

With an explosion of water and sound, you erupt into open air. You're surprised at how much better fresh air tastes compared to the recycled stuff you were feeding yourself underwater. It causes your head to go light and your world to spin, and before you know it you're skidding across the beach like a hockey puck on ice.

An earth shattering _slam_ behind you reminds you that the Denizen is still giving chase. You bounce over the ground once more and finally roll to a stop.

"_Pants." _You think quickly. _"Find your damn pants!"_

You're on your hands and knees, almost to your feet when something very large and very heavy slams into your back. Another mouthful of dirt is forced down your throat as you're slammed into the ground and the air rushes from your lungs. You crane your neck to see that the Denizen is grinning down at you hungrily.

"Riddle me this!" Her voice crackles on dry land like static. "And I might let you live! HAHAHA! What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three…"

"A man." You respond quickly, coughing chalky sand onto the ground.

"A… wh- what?"

"A man." You repeat. "The answer to the riddle is a man."

"What the fuck?!" She roars. "You didn't even let me finish!"

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I just thought you'd want my answer."

"How did you know it?!"

"It's actually a fairly common riddle." You try to get up, but she's still pinning you. "I've, uh, heard it before. Actually, I think _everyone_ has at some point."

"Jegus." Her mouth twists in frown. "How long have I been asleep?"

"I don't know." You struggle feebly under her mass, and then sigh when you find no escape. "So do you… do you want to ask another one?"

She appears to think for a while.

"Okay. I shall ask you another!" Her horribly simplistic face comes down closer to yours. "What is black and white and read…"

"A newspaper."

"GOG FUCKING DAMMIT! WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

Before you can respond, a loud scream of rage bellows from somewhere over your head. A streak of grey and black flash before your eyes and suddenly the Denizen is no longer coiled above you. There's another monumental _crash_ as she collides with the beach again some distance away from you.

You don't know what saved you, but you're not about to stick around to find out. You push yourself to your feet and instantly wobble back to the ground. Your legs feel like jelly and your spine feels like a bendy straw. Needless to say you're definitely going to have some bruises after this.

A hand wraps around your shoulder and hauls you to your feet. You cry out in surprise.

"Easy there, John. I am here to help."

"Equius! Thank god you're here!"

"I came when I heard the commotion. Is that Rose's Denizen? Where is Rose? What happened to your pants?"

"No time to explain! I gotta get back in the water to find Rose. Can you keep the Denizen busy?"

He looks over towards the writhing monster who is quickly regaining its senses.

"I'll do my best, although I do not think there is much time before we're supposed to meet at the rendezvous point."

"I'll be back as soon as possible. I promise." You pat him on the shoulder and stagger towards the water again.

You can hear the Denizen moving mountains of sand as it starts to writhe once again. Equius had sure given it a good punch, but will he be able to hold it off long enough for you to get back to Rose? You supposed there's only one way to find out.

You're up to your knees in the water again when it happens. Far off, towards the center of the ocean, a geyser of water erupts into the sky. It seems as if the whole world comes to a halt to watch the shaft of water arc towards the sun. As you look on, a lone figure descends from the sky, tearing towards the beach at an impressive speed.

"What the…" You watch in awe as the figure flies over your head and fires a beam of magic directly into the Denizen, right before she was about to reengage Equius.

The enormous sea serpent cracks like a whip and screams before exploding in a shower of grist, which then proceeds to rain down upon you like hail. You're not looking at the burnt crater where the Denizen used to be, or at the heap grist pooling at you feet, you're looking at the figure, who's slowly gliding to the ground right in front of you.

It's a girl, dressed in orange, with a sun on her chest and a fire in her eyes. She clutches needle wands in her hands and wears a smirk of the smuggest mirth on her painted lips.

"Hello, John." Rose winks. "You can close your mouth now."

You shut your jaw with a sharp _clack_.

"Heh, nice pajamas." You grin.

"Nice boxers."

Bluh bluh, Huge Witch.

* * *

**Next time on John: Try to Understand! Dave and Jade have a lover's quarrel and Kanaya gets her meat grilled (whatever that means).**

**Rose's Denizen was kind of a chump bitch, but then again, every fight can't be awesome. Or at least that's my excuse. Fun Fact: almost every fanfic I read in which John's boxers are shown, he's wearing ghostbuster themed pantaloons. It's almost like it's canon, am I right?**

**Remember: "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	26. ACT 3 - PART 5

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**Thanks to demonwindy and cheezebuns for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too. Everyone else is sort of predisposed at the moment. John is busy scooping up ass loads of grist off a beach in LOLAR. Rose is struggling with romantic inclinations to the classy vampire queen and your best friend at the same time. Jade is still fuming over the loss of all her worldly possessions.

And finally, you're kind of just stuck in the middle of everything, with a possessed Bro still on the loose and a shitty sword stuck in your belt. Speaking of which, where is your Bro? The last time you'd seen him, he'd been tearing yall to shreds atop The Beat Mesa. Now he's just up and gone.

You wonder if he's chilling with Jack Noir in LOLAR right now, or if he's managed to escape. You guess you'll find out when you get there.

"It should be just over this hill!" Aradia, the troll girl, calls over her shoulder. The wind has picked up quite a bit and you barely hear her words through the whipping wind and swirling snow.

You've been walking for a while now, trudging through the snow towards the location Kanaya gave you for Jade's quest bed. It hasn't been an easy walk. You'd barely managed to pry Jade from her home when she'd found out that her Rickenbacker Model 4003 Bass Guitar was missing. Apparently it was custom built. She's currently sulking somewhere behind you.

When you reach the top of the hill, you can't help but raise your eyebrows a fraction of an inch in surprise. It truly feels like you're on top of the world at the moment, standing on less of a hill and more of a mountain. In the distance you can see a large rocky construct, which you guess is the forge Jade was going to use to breed frogs, and down on the ground below, you can see your destination.

"Oh," Jade joins your side. "Wow, that's pretty."

"It's pretty cool I guess." You shrug.

"Haha." She giggles. "_Cool_. I didn't know that you were also a pun master, Dave."

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Babe. I'm like the Holy Bible. Everyone quotes me, but no one knows me completely from back to front. People dedicate their whole lives studying my gospel, but no one can truly comprehend my profound righteousness."

"So… you're a Christian?"

"No."

"Jewish?"

"No." You turn away from her, scratching your nose and changing the subject. "We should get down there."

It's a temple, much like yours on LOHAC, but constructed entirely out of white ice. The sun bounces cleanly off of its smooth surface and twinkles up at you. Your shades protect you from its luster though, much like they protect you from Jade's curious gaze.

"Are you… an atheist?" She asks, almost tentatively.

"Does it matter?"

"Well, no. Not really, but I…"

"Then stop asking."

She falls silent and you feel a twinge of regret for snapping at her. That was _not _cool.

"So why would Kanaya say you aren't going to like this place?" You ask as you lead the way down the snowy hill.

"Isn't it obvious?" Aradia answers for your girlfriend. "Jade's Denizen lives in there."

"Denizen?" You repeat. "You mean like a giant tentacle snake beast thing that's basically a boss?"

"Yup." She responds. "Didn't you have to fight yours to reach your quest bed?"

"No. I just walked in no questions asked."

"Strange. Maybe you just snuck by it by accident?"

You give a half-shrug in response. You're only mildly interested in stuff that happened so long ago.

"Do you, uh, think I'll have to fight mine?" Jade asks the troll girl.

"I don't know. It's definitely a possibility." She answers. "I think all the Denizens are supposed to be asleep, so we might be able to just sneak inside."

You certainly hope so. As much as you want to flex your awesome ninja skills and impresses your foxy lady, you'd rather not put either of your companions in any unwanted danger.

Jade continues to sulk all the way down to entrance of the ice temple. She's not being her usually chatty self and you can understand why. She's had an unreasonably shitty day and she's probably starting to get cold feet, (no pun intended), in regard to this whole dying thing.

As your group enters the temple and silently draws their weapons, you position yourself next to Jade.

"You wanna know something." You talk quietly, gripping the handle of your sword tightly. It's a pretty cool looking blade, despite how shitty it probably is. After breaking that one sword, the legend of cuddlefish or something, you'd managed to snag this one. Bright red and razor sharp and totally matching your outfit. Jade's Grandpa truly did have a collection of neat shit. "When I was going to my quest bed. I was scared shitless too."

"Who says I'm scared shitless?" She responds through chattering teeth. You raise your eyebrows a fraction of a fraction of an inch in response. She sighs, looks down, and continues in a small voice. "Were you, like… _really_ scared?"

"I was. Like a fatass turkey the night before thanksgiving."

"Well how did you go through with it?"

You think for a second, simultaneously remembering that one time you committed suicide and coming to terms with the fact that you're actually admitting this stuff aloud. If anyone, anywhere needs to hear this though, it's her. Right here. Right now.

"I thought of you guys. John and Rose and You. I wondered what you guys would do in my place, a sword in my hand, a quest bed right in front of me. I thought of John running off to fight Jack Noir with Vriska. I thought of Rose, trapped in that castle. And then I thought of you…"

"… And?"

"And then I did it." You finish, with another small shrug. "Easy as a slutty pie that's been on a three month dry spell."

Jade shudders at your words although a grin tugs at her lips. There we go. There's that smile you've been missing.

"Thanks, Dave."

"Yeah."

You all walk straight though the temple with no resistance, only the puffs of frozen breath from your between your lips and your muffled footsteps bouncing off the walls. Your group makes slow progress down the main hall, around a corner, and into a large cavernous room. In the center of which is, you guessed it, Jade's quest bed.

It's slightly raised, like on a stage, and positioned over a dark pit which seems to stretch to the very center of the world. Jade cautiously steps onto the bridge leading towards the stage and you follow her closely to the center. The actual bed itself is jet black with a spiral symbol, which you guess is her god tier symbol, engraved into its face.

"Wow." Jade breathes, staring down at it with wide eyes. "This is a thing that's totally happening right now."

"Yeah, so let's hurry it up." Aradia hisses. She's standing near the wall, whip in hand, and eyes furiously scanning the room for any hidden snake beasts.

"What she means is, take your time." Your hand hovers over Jade's shoulder. "But seriously, just do it already."

"… How?" Jade turns to you, her eyes wide behind her round glasses.

"Just… shoot yourself in the face or something."

"Won't that make noise and wake up the Denizen?"

"I don't know."

She bounces from foot to foot, shifting her weight nervously. Either that or she really has to pee. Eventually she turns back to you.

"Stab me."

"What?"

"Stab me with your sword, fuckass."

You blink at her from behind your shades, but other than that, your face remains as impassive as ever. It's a reasonable request, one you yourself might have made in her position.

"I… uh." You look from your red blade to her pale face. "I'll do it."

She looks at you for a second, then nods and rushes your chest, crushing you in a hug.

"Make it fast, okay?" She says into your jacket.

Jade pokes her head up and presses her lips against yours, much like she did on the dance floor the other night. This time you don't respond as passionately as you did before. You both feel and look like a statue at the moment, and that's no way you want to say goodbye to your girlfriend. Even if your only parting with her for a minute or two.

To lighten the mood, you reach down and grab a handful of her ass, causing her to give a tiny _'eep'_. Her knee comes up and buries itself in your stomach, forcing you to double over in pain. When you look up next though, she's grinning once more and you're thankful that your shades hide the fact that you're blinking back tears.

"Come on." You wheeze as cool as possible. "Let's get this over with."

She steps up onto the bed and lies down on her back. You stand off to the side, sword raised and eyes closed. One stab down, just one and then your job is done. She'll resurrect, be an awesome mega-god-ultra-warrior, and then you can make out some more. You can do this. You can do this. You can…

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

You stab downwards with your sword and…

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"

… Freeze halfway to Jade's chest when someone speaks.

You turn to Aradia, who doesn't appear to have spoken or noticed any voice. You look down at Jade and see your own confusion reflected in her face.

"Uh…" You begin.

"I'm down here." The voice continues.

You look down towards your shoes and nearly pee your pants. Right there, on the ground next to your foot, is a snake about two feet long, with two sharp spines protruding from its head like antennae. It is looking directly up at you.

"What the fuck." Is all you can say.

Jade rolls over onto her side and looks over the edge of her quest bed to examine the snake. The snake's head swivels from side to side, first examining Jade, then you, then Jade again.

"So, what are you guys doing?" It repeats.

"I was just about to be murdered." Jade answers, still examining the snake. Murder seems like a harsh word to you, but Jade is already speaking again before you can interject. "You wouldn't happen to be my Denizen would you?"

"I'm the Denizen of the Land of Frost and Frogs, yes." The snake bobs it's head. "My name is Echidna and I- AARRRUGGHH!"

Your heel comes down on the back of the Denizen crushing it into the ground. Jade shrieks and the snake, named Echidna, continues to scream as you stomp it to death.

"What's going on!?" Aradia is running towards you, shouting.

You give two more good stomps and pause to catch your breath. The Denizen twitches feebly on the ground before going still.

"DAVE WHAT THE FUCK!" Jade screams as she jumps to her feet.

"What is it? What happened?" Aradia has joined you now and all of three of you stand in a circle around the Denizen.

"I killed Jade's Denizen." You say, pointing with your sword towards the snake.

"She wasn't a threat though!" Jade cries. "She just wanted to talk!"

"It was a girl?"

"Of course _she_ was a girl! Didn't you hear her voice?!"

Jade continues to chew you out as Aradia stoops to investigate the dead Denizen.

"You don't know if she was harmless or not." You say. "She could have been waiting to digivolve or something and become a giant rage snake that would have choked us both to death."

"Or maybe she could have just been a nice, _friendly_ Denizen who just wanted to help us! You can't just make snap decisions like that, Dave! What if we get in trouble now because… ARADIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

The troll girl had just gently grabbed one of Echidna's spines and ripped it out.

"Do you know what these are?" Aradia asks, standing up and holding the spine out for you to see. "These are needles, guys. The tips are the sharpest points in the universe!"

"Really?" You ask. "That's cool I guess. What can we use them for?"

"Well for one, we can use them to reactivate The Scratch."

"Are you serious? Holy shit, then grab the other one."

"Okay."

"NO!" Jade lunges and snatches the Denizen off the ground. "First you kill her and now you're picking her corpse! What is wrong with you people!?"

"Fuhhh." You groan and address your girlfriend. "Listen, Babe. That snake was put in your land for you to kill. She has needles that are used for The Scratch. And seriously, what was her problem sneaking up on us like that? She should have known better."

"Those still aren't reasons to disrespect her." Jade snaps back. She's cradling her Denizen to her chest, careful not to impale herself on the remaining spine. "And how do you know that her needles are the ones used for The Scratch? Neither Kanaya or Rose mentioned anything about that."

"Psshh." Aradia snorts. "What would those two primadonnas know about dangerous monsters and hidden treasures and rare artifacts? Answer: nothing. They probably thought we could we could reignite The Scratch by poking it with a stick. I always knew it would be more complicated than that and it is." Aradia waves her needle in Jade's face. "But we have the solution right here. It's pointless to let these go to waste, Jade."

Your girlfriend's lip twists in a half pout- half snarl and for a second, you think that she might fight you and Aradia. Eventually her eyes start to glisten and she looks away.

"I fucking hate both of you." She says, holding out Echidna for Aradia to ravage.

As Aradia removes the other spine and stows the pair away in her satchel, you approach Jade.

"Hey, Jade. You know that I only did that because I thought she was dangerous, right?" You reach out for her hand, but she moves out of reach. "Jade?"

"I'm pissed at you." She responds. "Leave me alone right now and I'll talk to you later when I no longer want to punch you in your stupid face."

"Oh… okay."

Jade sinks back down onto her quest bed and slings her rifle off of her back. There's a certain firmness in her eyes that wasn't there before and you guess that she no longer requires your assistance with her death. She sets her rifle on her lap, points it towards the sky, and rests her chin on the barrel.

"But just so you know." She says. "If you ever kill something that cute in front of me again, we are _through_, got it?"

"Got it." You reply quietly.

"Okay, then." She clicks the safety off of her rifle. "Love you."

Then she blows her brains out.

As you watch her slump back onto her quest bed, and listen to Aradia hum a merry tune as she organizes her satchel, you can't help but wonder what sort of fucked up game you all are playing. And when, if ever, it will end.

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope

You are now Terezi Pyrope.

You and your reluctant partner head down the stairs and back into the heart of the golden airship. Kanaya, your next suspect, should be the Alchemiter room, huddled over the husktop and conversing with the landing parties below. That devious little minx, she probably thinks she got away scot-free with her crime of murdering Gamzee. Well you know better. Reality is going to hit hard when it finally lands on her pretty little head.

"Freeze bitches!" Both Kanaya, who is inside, and Karkat, who's standing right next to you, shriek in surprise when you kick the door open."Put your hands…"

"For the love of all that is holy, shut the fuck up, Terezi." Karkat interrupts, having recovered from the shock of watching you karate another door in half. "Jegus, what the hell is wrong with you?"

He pushes past you and enters the room. You follow, grinning a little. Karkat would probably lighten up a bit if he kicked in a door every once and a while. It's pretty fun.

"Oh my. You two scared me." Kanaya laughs nervously (suspicious) and fans herself with her hand like a ninetieth century southern bell. She turns in her chair. "I have some good news, Karkat. I've just gotten in touch with both of the landing parties. Rose and Jade have ascended to the God Tiers and both teams are nearing their respective rendezvous points."

"Huh, that _is_ good news." Karkat blinks. "I was totally expecting everything to go to shit almost immediately. Good job, Kanaya."

She beams at her leader, nodding excitedly.

"And that's not even the best part. It turns out that Jade is another Hero of Space, which makes sense considering the forge was placed in her land. Anyways, that means we can now afford to send two players to locate replacements for the new session. After we reignite The Scratch, of course."

"Now all that's left is to pick up those assholes and… well, attack Jack Noir's castle." Karkat muses, with a grimace. "Easy as pie, right?

"If we work together it should be." Kanaya nods. "I've actually been drawing up some rudimentary tactics. If you have a second I'd like to go over them with…"

"Not so fast there, fussy fangs." You butt in before the purpose of this meeting is lost. "What are you so happy about?"

All eyes are on you now. Namely, a curious Kanaya and a frustrated Karkat. You can tell that he's still hesitant to question his second in command by the way he shifts his weight and chews his lip hard enough to draw cherry-red blood. You got to do what you got to do though.

"I beg your pardon?" Kanaya asks.

"You're blushing like four sweep old troll girl after her first date." You accuse. "I can taste that green tea with ginseng and honey complexion in your cheeks."

You stick you tongue in the air and wriggle it like a worm, tasting the very thing you just stated aloud. Everyone in the room, with the exception of you, cringes visibly. Well, maybe not _visibly_, at least not to you. But whatever, you know what you're trying to say.

"I still don't understand." Kanaya looks between you and Karkat nervously.

"Just spill the sauce, woman!" You slam the tip of your cane into the ground. "Empty your soul!"

The room falls silent except for Kanaya's labored breathing and your quite chuckles. Eventually, after a long moment of simple gaping, Kanaya clears her throat.

"I suppose… it does seem appropriate to tell you what is going on." She looks to Karkat.

His eyes widen.

"Kan… what are you saying?"

You lean forward on your cane, eager to hear what she has to say. Are you about to get a confession? Will she break down? Will she put up a fight? Why didn't you wait to do this until after you made handcuffs!?

You and Karkat hold a collective breath as Kanaya smoothes down her already wrinkle-free skirt.

"Before Rose left, her and I had a discussion regarding… certain aspects of our relationship." She says. "Specifically on where we stand in the… well, flushed quadrant." Her hands twist in her lap like a couple of wrestling grubs. "And we came to the conclusion that there was indeed mutual attraction between us, so…"

Oh, Gog this is like pulling teeth. You wish that she'd get pass all this boring, awkward, pining bullshit so that you can get back to grilling her like a piece of raw meat. (whatever that means)

"It would seem, from an outsider's perspective, that Rose and I are…" She averts Karkat's gaze. "Matesprits."

"… And?" Karkat demands.

Kanaya glances up again.

"And what?"

"Is that it?"

"What do you mean, _is that it_?"

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Well… yes. Yes it is."

Karkat groans and looks towards the ceiling as if begging whatever higher being he believed in to smite him down on the spot.

"Kan, why would I give two shits about what you and that human do to each other when no one else is looking?" He says, rubbing his eyes. "There is way better quality shit happening right now."

"I- bluh, uh wha… I ne- _never _said we were physically intimate!" Kanaya splutters, scandalized. "I was merely making you aware that our relationship was confirmed."

"So you don't know what humans look like," You nod towards her skirt. "_Down there_?"

"Of course not! We kissed once at the dance, but nothing more. When would we even… why would you think… completely unprofessional!" She crosses her arms over her chest, as if shielding her rumble spheres from Rose's prying eyes, even thought the human girl is currently miles away.

"That's a shame, you'll have to give me all the goods on _the goods_ when you finally get down and dirty." You say. "Vriska never told me what kind of operating system Egbert was running."

"Jegus Christ everyone shut up!" Karkat roars, while you cackle, and Kanaya does her best to melt. She fails though, and Karkat wheels on her. "What do you want from me? Permission? My Blessing? BOOM! There you go. Now you and Rose can do whatever you want, just remember to keep all the sloppy details confined to the people who actually give a damn. AKA: just you two, got it?!"

Kanaya nods mutely. She obviously regrets brining her new Matespritship with Rose into the light of day. You can taste that her blush has steadily increased through this conversation, so that it's now eightfold what it once was.

"So…" She says after a moment. "Would you like to go over my plan for assaulting Jack Noir's castle, Karkat?"

"Actually, if I may, there's one other topic I'd like to discuss." You cut in and tip your glasses at Karkat, hopefully giving him a pointed look.

"Sure, uh what is it?" Kanaya quickly latches onto a change of topic, slowly shrugging off the gross insinuations tarnishing her budding relationship.

"I'm just going to come out and ask." Karkat yanks the metaphorical wheel out of your hand before you can start your investigation. "Did you kill Gamzee or not."

Sometimes being straightforward is the best way to be. However, knowing when to be straightforward or not is a skill that not many people, especially Karkat, do not have. Accusing someone of murder and getting a straight answer, is very rare and typically not the best time for a direct approach.

"What?" Kanaya gasps. "No. No, of course not."

"Okay." Karkat nods. "See, Terezi. Another dead end. I guess it's back to the drawing board."

"Not so fast, Nubs." You cock your head, leaning dangerously on you cane for a closer sniff at Kanaya. "What were you doing in the hours before his body was discovered?"

"I was in the computer lab, cleaning up what was left of Tavros." She says coldly, unfazed by your proximity to her. It's surprising what get's her panties in a bunch and what doesn't. "As per Karkat's instructions."

"We have a witness who places you at the scene of the crime." You shoot back. "What have you got to say about _that_, hmmmmm?"

She sighs and folds her hands in her lap once more.

"I will not lie to you. I did abandon my task with the intention of killing Gamzee. It seemed unfair to me that Karkat would not reprimand him for his actions." She says plainly and calmly. "I opened the door to find that he'd been stabbed to death. Someone had beaten me to it."

"And then that's when Nepeta found you, right?" Karkat adds.

"Yes."

He nods while you shake your head. Karkat isn't cut out for this investigation. He's emotionally compromised on both ends of the spectrum. He was friends with Gamzee and therefore wants to find his killer, but then again he's also friends with all his suspects, meaning he doesn't want to accuse any of them. How can you be expected to solve this mystery if he's doing his best and worst job at the same time?

"Still though," You say. "You just admitted to having murderous intentions. That's enough to lock you up at least for a little while."

"Is it though?" Kanaya jabs. "Since when did you lock people up for having thoughts? Since when," She turns to Karkat with a frown. "Did you not trust me anymore?"

"It's not like that, Kan. Of course I trust you."

"Then why are you here?" She gestures around the room. "Why are you accusing me like this? It was obviously Aradia, Karkat. Everyone could see, despite her best efforts, that she had flushed feelings for Sollux, who, need I remind you, was killed by Gamzee as well."

"I'm trying to cover all of my basses." He snarls. "And don't think, just because you're my best friend, that you're above questioning. You're acting like it's some big deal that I'm asking you some questions when I know that you would do the same in my place. Aradia is probably guilty, yes, but I'm not going to go after her again until I know that everyone else is in the clear, do you understand me?"

Kanaya leans back in her chair, arms crossed, gazing at her leader with perfect complacency.

"Of course. I understand you loud and clear, _leader_." She says in a monotonous voice. "Anything else you want to ask me? Or can I get back to work?"

"Get back to work." Karkat growls. "We'll talk about our next step when John's back."

He grabs your arm and pulls you from the room. You hear the sound of Kanaya nosily turning her chair back around before the door slams shut. Maybe that was a little too much for Kanaya? Being harassed, mistrusted, and embarrassed all at once. Troll girls are notoriously hormonal after all. If Karkat is smart, he'll give her some space for a while.

"So," You say, after you and your partner come to a stop in the hallway. "I'm not ruling out Kanaya as a suspect."

Karkat leans against the wall, leaning his head on it's hard surface.

"She's innocent." He says with his eyes closed. "She would have told me if she wasn't. I trust her on that."

You frown.

"Are you sure."

"Yeah," He exhales. "I'm sure."

You watch him for a second and fondle your cane thoughtfully.

"So Aradia, huh?" You say. "It's just her and Equius left now, although I really doubt it was him."

"Yeah, and… well, there's you too."

"Yeah, there's me." You admit.

Karkat sighs again and rubs his tired eyes. You're about to suggest that he takes a nap, when he speaks for you.

"Go up to the deck and make sure that we don't miss the meeting point. I'm going to go lie down for a bit. Wake me when everyone is back on board." He pushes himself off the wall and stands in front of you. "Thanks for helping me with this, Terezi. We'll question Aradia after we get The Scratch back, okay?"

"Sure." You slap him on the arm. "It's actually been kind of fun, you know? Hanging out with you and stuff."

"Yeah, maybe a bit." His face goes from a frown to almost neutral. That's paramount to a full blown smile on anyone else. "I'll see you later."

"Later."

He slides past you and you listen to his footsteps as he disappears down the hall. With a shit-eating grin and a bounce in your step, you make your way towards the stairs and out onto the deck. It's getting pretty late in the day and the two suns are just starting to disappear over the horizon.

Tomorrow, once everyone is back on board, you'll all face your first real challenge as a team. Whether or not you'll succeed is not something you feel that you can accurately predict. However, as you stand behind the wheel, feeling the cold breeze and thinking of the future, you're fully inclined to just wait and find out for yourself.

* * *

**Shout out to Echidna, Jade's Denizen, and also my favorite character of all time. Next chapter all the characters will be reunited and we'll get to attacking Jack Noir's castle soon. **

**So I've already mentioned in a previous author's note that this story is the longest JohnRose story on this website, turns out it's also the longest DaveJade story too. That's cool, right? It's also the longest JohnVris story I think. It's sort of hard to tell with these fics when you only read the description. If anyone knows for sure, please let me know.**

**For those who review: Should I rewrite the description of this story to make it less... I don't know, vague? It's not a very good representation of this story in my opinion. What could I put as a description that would give people a better impression of what this story is about?**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	27. ACT 3 - PART 6

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**Thanks to demonwindy and A Dreaming Songbird for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are Karkat Vantas. And right now you have quite a lot to think about. You won't go rehashing old issues, but to summarize: everything you've been doing the past few hours has gotten you essentially nowhere.

You mean _you_ 'you', not the collective 'you' as in everyone. Some people have actually gotten some stuff done. Jade and Rose have actually ascended to God Tiers, which is pretty surprising considering you didn't think either of them had the shame globes to go through with suicide. Maybe you should start giving them more credit?

Naw, they're all still assholes.

Anyways, the investigation with Terezi left you just as empty handed as you were before. There was just a lot of hurt feelings and pointed fingers being thrown about, leaving you with basically two options. Accuse Aradia once more or simply drop the whole issue.

Neither sound like the best course of action. You don't want to do either one for a number of reasons. Let's say that you do accuse Aradia again and she does turn out to be guilty. Then what? Do you kill her? Lock her up and keep her prisoner? Or maybe you could just banish her? Lever her on LOFAF to freeze to death with the iguanas. And that's only what you need to worry about if she's _actually_ guilty, which you DON'T EVEN KNOW YET!

Or… you could just forget about your dead friend. You've lost friends before, hell you've lost _best_ friends before. You suppose that the difference between Sollux's death and Gamzee's death is that you sort of thought that you could save Gamzee. You sure did shoosh pap him out of that rage. It really seemed like you'd saved the day on that one.

But then he died anyway, like nothing you did made any difference whatsoever.

Haha. And there you were saying that you weren't going to rehash old issues. Oh well, this is just the kind of stuff you think about when you lay on your cot, staring at the ceiling, listening to the hum of the engines, and feeling too tired to even summon the effort to close your eyes.

It doesn't matter anyway, because right now Terezi's opening the door and poking her head in.

"Hey, Karkat." She hisses into the darkness. "You awake?"

"Mumph."

"Hehe. Okay, well I'm just letting you know that John, Rose, and Equius are coming aboard now. I'll tell them that you're come up soon." She retreats back into the hall and you hear the _tip tap tip_ of her cane as she walks down the hall.

Well you definitely aren't going to be able to sleep now. Not with John and Jade giggling it up and Dave's stupid face shining like a beacon of insufferable prick-ness.

You really need to stop thinking about that guy. Even when he isn't around he still manages to get on your nerves.

You roll off the cot and onto your feet, stumbling in the darkness towards the door. There really isn't much time for sleep anyways, not with your impending retrieval mission hanging over your head. You wonder what Jack Noir is playing at, just sitting in his fucking castle and waiting for you guys to show up instead of actively searching for you like he did before.

You might be walking into a trap, which is why it's extremely vital that you spend the remaining hours planning stuff out.

Down the hall, up the stairs, and onto the deck you shuffle. It's nighttime now and considerably warmer now that you've left LOFAF airspace once more. John is talking with Dave, Jade, and Terezi by the ladder, Rose and Kanaya are already making a bee line towards the stairs, and Equius and Nepeta are yapping together animatedly by the wheel. You wonder where Aradia is. Maybe she died and you won't have to worry about accusing her again? However, you would also never know if she's guilty or not.

Fuck, everything is so confusing. You wish things would just stop for a while, and by _things_ you mean everything, as in all this bullshit that you're having trouble keeping track of in your head.

"Hey, Karkat!" John waves you over.

The human leader is soaking wet, steadily dripping a puddle of water onto the deck of the ship. In his arms is his backpack, bursting at the seams with what appears to be grist. You step over the small ocean pooling around his feet and snatch the bag out of his hand.

"What the hell is this?" You ask, rifling through its contents.

"Grist." He confirms proudly. "You should have seen it, man. Rose's denizen was this giant, snake, fish thing and me and Equius had to fight it, and then Rose blew it to smithereens with an awesome wizardly spell."

"Wow. Amazing. A true legendary tale in the making." You deadpan, passing the bag to Terezi. "Put this to good use."

"Aye aye, captain. Hehe." She grins and turns to the other humans. "Who wants to see how to alchemize awesome stuff, such as handcuffs?"

"Me!" Jade chirps. She's dressed in her new God Tier outfit. A black dress with stockings and a weird double hood. You have to admit, she looks pretty _fine_ at the moment. She turns to her boyfriend. "Wanna come, Dave?"

"Eh, why not." Strider holds up his fist to John and the two bump. Your stomach twists at such an open display of comradery. "I'll catch you later, Bro."

The Knight of Time shoots you a look as he follows his two romantic interests below deck, but otherwise keeps his mouth shut. You wonder if John said something to him that would quench the burning fire of mutual hatred between the two of you. That's a shame. It was kind of your dynamic.

"So," You motion John over to the edge of the ship, where all important topics usually seem to be discussed. "Besides the Denizen, there was no trouble?"

"Nope. It was pretty straightforward actually." He says, leaning against the railing. "Her quest bed was underwater," He brushes wet bangs away from his glasses. "But that wasn't much of a problem, not with my sweet windy powers."

"I thought the Denizens were supposed to be asleep. What did you do wake it up? Smash an alarm clock."

"No. She just sort of woke up after Rose died. It was really random and probably the weirdest fight I've ever had."

"So far."

"Yeah, so far." John watches you yawn and scrub your eyes. "Still tired? Terezi said that you were sleeping."

"Well I wasn't." You snap. "Too much shit going on, isn't there? I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep."

"Me neither." John admits. "So what did you guys get up to here while we were gone?"

"Nothing." You say. "Just… troll stuff. You wouldn't understand."

"Terezi told me that you guys did some detective work."

You groan.

"Fucking hell, why does she always see it fit to air our dirty laundry like that."

"She just wants to keep us all on the same page." John shrugs. "So did you get any more solid evidence? Any clues or leads?"

"No, we didn't. Well not exactly. I always knew that Kanaya was innocent." You sigh. "Nepeta's crazy enough to do it, but I just don't know if she has the guts to go through with something like that, let alone keep it to herself afterwards."

"Aradia didn't do it either." John states firmly, surprising you.

"What?" You glare at him. "How do you know that? What do you know, John?"

"Nothing. She just told me that she didn't do it." He explains. "And I belive her. She said that everyone's been giving her the frigid shoulder too and that she'd appreciate it if everyone could stop looking at her out of the corner of their eyes."

"… She said all of that?"

"Well not exactly, but she did say that she was innocent." John shrugs. "And the rest of that I just sort of noticed, you know?"

"Whatever." You snort and look over the edge of the ship. "Why do all these people always blow shit out of proportion? You accuse someone publicly once and now she thinks you've branded her with a cerulean number."

"You mean a scarlet letter?"

"No, what the fuck are you talking about."

"What are _you _talking about?"

Both you and John stare at each other for a second.

"Never mind, it's not important. Listen, John. I can't just take your word that she's innocent, okay? She's my number one suspect."

"Well I'll vouch for her." He states stubbornly. "When the time comes, I mean. You aren't going to start dishing out justice now, are you?"

"No, not when we're undertaking a serious tactical mission in the morning." You slap the railing of the ship. "Speaking of which, we should probably meet up with Kanaya right now to go over the plan. We wanted to wait until you were aboard to do this. Mainly because you represent the humans and definitely not because you bring anything to the table. You're problem solving skills are so bad, if you fell out of a canoe you probably couldn't find water."

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or if you're really trying to be mean. Either way I'm just going to call you a dick."

"That's fine by me."

You lead the way back towards the stairs. Damn, all this walking is getting old.

"So," You smirk. "Rose and Kanaya are together now, huh? Sucks to be you, but as the age old saying goes: spend too long in the recuperacoon and you're likely to miss the first game of slime ball."

"Rose and Kanaya are together?" John repeats as you both jog below deck. "I thought they were just… in 'like' or something. Rose never told me that they were Matesprits."

"Maybe she didn't want to make you jealous." You lead him around a corner and towards the girl's dormitory. You'll look there for Kanaya first. "It's pretty obvious that you're flushed for her after all."

John doesn't respond. You hear nothing but the heavy shuffling of his feet from behind you. Maybe you cut a little too deep this time?

"Look, John. It's okay to be a loser every once and a while. You just happen to have a tendency to lean towards the loser end of the romantic spectrum more than normal." As back handed insults go, that's actually pretty tame. Maybe you're going soft?

"I don't see it like that." He mumbles.

"What do you mean?" You ask, looking over your shoulder at him.

"I don't see myself as a loser." He nods forward towards something you can't see. "I just see them as winners."

You look where he's indicating and see that Rose and Kanaya are talking just outside of their room. Kanaya is fidgeting over Rose's new God Tier outfit, while Rose tries to bat her away.

"I'm serious, Kanaya." The human girl is saying. "I like it the way it is."

"But _why_ though? All this orange." Kanaya tsks. "And the blue. It really doesn't go with anything!"

"I happen to enjoy the contrast of colors, even though they go against my usual palate." They stop talking when you and John show up. "John." Rose beams. "It's nice to see you too, Karkat."

"Yeah, yeah. Everyone is happy and no one hurts." You brush her off. "Kanaya, we should go over our plan of attack."

"Ah, yes of course. Our time is running out, isn't it?" She pulls a small watch from a pocket in her skirt and checks the time. "Aradia is setting up the meeting room now. We can talk in there if you like."

You motion for her to lead the way and she does so, taking you, John, and _Rose 'you guess is tagging along too'_ Lalonde, towards the meeting room, where all semi-important topics seem to be discussed. True to Kanaya's word, Aradia is already inside with a canvas map smoothed across the table and a collection of random nik naks scattered on top.

"Alright," You address all those assembled. "Everyone take a damn seat."

* * *

= Be Kanaya Maryam

You are now Kanaya Maryam.

At the moment, you're hanging out with your new Matesprit, Rose Lalonde, in a makeshift war room. Your leader, Karkat, John, and Aradia are also here, although you wish they weren't. Less people in here with you and Rose would be nice, you decide. Less people and… less clothes too.

Ever sense your conversation with Karkat and Terezi about your new relationship, you're mind has been abuzz with rather inappropriate thoughts. Do you want to take things to that step with Rose? Does she want to? You've never had a Matesprit before. Your lusus was never keen on you bringing other trolls back to the hive, thus limiting your dating experience.

You sit uncomfortably in your chair, watching almost hungrily as Rose crosses her legs in her own seat, causing the slit in her skirt to part more than ever, exposing orange tights, covering inches upon inches of soft, pale human flesh. You decide that maybe you aren't as opposed to Rose's God Tier outfit as you originally thought you were.

"What the fuck is all this shit?" Karkat's voice clashes horribly with your raunchy fantasies. He's talking about Aradia's collection of trinkets on the table.

"This," Aradia leans forward and snatches up a grey stone. "Is you, Karkat." She picks up a blue stone. "And this is John. You're both going to be leading separate teams from here," She puts both the stones representing Karkat and Egbert on the map over a curve labeled _'mountain_'. "Down into the valley, where Jack Noir's castle is."

"Wow." Karkat claps once, twice. "Impressive plan, I'm loving the little color coded rocks and everything. This must have taken so much time, guys. Seriously, bravo to everyone. Ice Cream sundaes and kitten cuddles on deck for all!"

"Your contributions are greatly appreciated." Aradia growls though gritted teeth. "But if you really don't have anything constructive to say, then you can get the fuck out."

"Oh yeah? And leave all the decision making to you and Egbert? I think I'll pass." Karkat stands up, and leans over the table to snatch up the stones. "Listen. Here's what's going to happen. There isn't going to be any teams. There isn't going to be any sneaking around. There isn't going to be any mountain bullshit."

"Well what is there going to be?" John asks.

"You!" Karkat jabs a finger into his chest and tosses his rock on the mountain. "Are going to fly up here and cause a distraction. Then, I'll lead everyone else up here." He slides the multitude of colored rocks down to the bottom of the map. "Through this pass and up into the castle."

"I thought you said there wasn't going to be any mountain bullshit."

"There isn't."

"Then why are you sending me up the mountain?"

"Listen John, sending you up the mountain and leading a whole team down a mountain are two completely different things. One falls under the classification of _'mountain bullshit'_ and anther is labeled '_Karkat's great plan'_.

"You're _'great'_ plan consists of a simple distraction/reaction combination?" Rose raises a thin eyebrow. "That seems rather predictable to me. Jack Noir will know better than to send the bulk of his imp forces to investigate a disturbance literally mountains away. Plus, I don't think we should send _anyone_ out on their own. It just isn't safe."

"What if it was a really big distraction?" John asks. "And what if I was _really_ careful and safe."

"No one is doing anything alone." Rose states firmly.

"Then go with him, if you're so worried about him." Karkat snaps.

Your Matesprits lips tighten into a thin frown and she sets a shrewd gaze upon your leader. You watch on calmly, contemplating as to whether Rose's concerns are solely based on the general welfare of her companions or just one in particular. You've always known that she and John have been close…

But never as close as you and her are now. That gives you peace of mind, compounded with the fact that both Rose and John are completely incompatible in your eyes. Honestly, Rose is so… and John doesn't… He… They don't… She has blonde hair and he has black hair. There you go.

There are so many difference between them it's hard to keep track or even form a simple list.

"That is not the point, Karkat." Rose says coldly. "And if you can't see that, then perhaps your skills _are_ best suited elsewhere, as in far, far away from here."

"Oh shit." John leans over and whispers in your ear. "Karkat just got _faced_ hard."

You stifle a giggle.

"Yes," You agree. "That was indeed an impressive _facing_."

Karkat scowls.

"Alright, Lalonde." He shoves the rocks towards her, sending a red and jade colored stone dancing off the table and onto the floor. You guess that you and Dave are no longer a part of the plan then. _Le Sigh_. "Let's see if _you_ can do better?"

"Very well." Rose, stands up, retrieves you and Dave from the floor, and then lumps all the rocks together at the base of the map. "I agree that coming from down the mountain is not a preferable, since a retreat back up would be difficult and dangerous. We should all come up through the pass and fight our way into the castle. Once inside, we will move as one, first to the dungeons to locate my Mother and Jade's Grandfather, and then to where The Scratch is being held."

As she speaks, she moves the rocks as a group all throughout the blank space in the center of the map where the castle should be. Jack Noir, with all of his dastardly powers, has hidden his castle from technological detection. Meaning there is simply a black out on the viewfinder when you try to locate it. That, and Aradia's pencil broke. Hence the blank space in the center of the map.

"No." Karkat instantly shakes his head as soon as Rose is finished. "Way too much time. Do you know how long it will take to search an entire castle for The Scratch? Answer: a shit load of time."

"Well honestly, how many places could it be? It's one of the largest constructs in the game, isn't it?" Rose responds.

"We have no idea how big that castle is. The less time we spend in it the better." Karkat bangs his fist on the table for emphasis. "We need to be fast and safe and as effective a team as possible."

"Well we can't be all that at once, not with these plans. We're going to have to choose the best option possible and not simply sit here discussing the way we _want_ things to be."

"Humph." Karkat grumbles and then turns to you. "Kanaya. You said earlier that you had a plan right?"

"Yes." You respond. "Aradia presented it for me already."

"Well shit." He sighs and rubs his eyes. "I was really hoping you'd have something for me, Kan."

"I did and it was already presented."

"I meant something that wasn't trash."

For a minute or two, everyone just sits in a circle staring at the crude map in absolute silence. You're all thinking the same thing most likely. That there is no perfect plan and that when it comes down to it; you'll have to pick the littlest of all the evils. The slime sandwich or the slime sandwich with grub sauce. The plan that everyone can point to and say: _'this will do'_.

Rose breaks the silence.

"What do you think, John?"

All eyes rise from the table and fall upon the man in question. He immediately becomes uncomfortable, fiddling with a button hole in his shirt and working his jaw from side the side. Everyone waits patiently.

"Spit it out, Egbert."

Well, almost everyone.

John looks at the map, the colorful rocks, and then everyone assembled.

"Um," He eventually proclaims. "What if we… just smushed all the plans together, you know? Combined them."

Aradia's eyes light up.

"Oooooh. A _super_ plan!" She seems excited by the idea, more excited than you've seen her about anything since… well, ever. Even at the Jive she only appeared to be mildly interested. Maybe these humans are having a positive impact on her disposition? They've certainly improved yours.

"Okay, John." Karkat leans forward. "Start talking."

It comes down to this: The golden airship will fly over the mountain and deposit explosives on the summit. Next the ship will fly down to the pass and land there. The explosive charges will detonate, causing an adequate distraction for a short period of time. When all the imps and Jack Noir are supposedly looking the other way, everyone will disembark from the ship and fight their way into the castle. Once inside, John will lead a team to locate The Scratch and Karkat will lead another to the dungeons. John will then use a shrink ray to decrease the size of The Scratch and…

"What the fuck?!" Karkat blurts. "A shrink ray? Are you an idiot, John? That's not an insult. I seriously, want to know if something is wrong with your head. Like have you contracted some sort of parasite that eats your brain and replaces it with utter bullshit?"

"Sorry," John mutters. "Just forget that part."

"Wait, hold up. That actually brings up a good question." Aradia chimes in. "Are we going to have to move The Scratch again, or can we just reactivate it while we're in the castle?"

"Moving it again is pointless. As long as we activate it, then the game will reset." You answer.

"Alright then, as I was saying…" John continues.

… Karkat will lead another to the dungeons, where Rose's Mom and Jade's Grandpa are being held prisoner. Aradia will use Echidna's needles to reinitiate The Scratch and then everyone will meet up outside the castle, retreat to the airship, and fly off into the sunset.

**Mission Accomplished.**

"That actually isn't that bad." You admit. "I think it combines the best parts of all our plans. We'll need Terezi to alchemize some explosives, Equius to pilot the ship to the mountain, and a place to reconvene after we've done everything. _'Outside_ _the castle'_ seems a little vague."

"We'll have to wait until we're inside the blackout for that." Rose points out. "We can't see anything on the viewfinder at the moment."

"Okay, okay." Karkat nods quickly. "So is everyone okay with John's plan? No objections or concerns or biting remarks?"

"What are the teams?" Aradia asks.

"Hmm." John thinks. "Well why don't I take Aradia, Rose, Equius, and Terezi. And Karkat can take Jade, Kanaya, Nepeta, and Dave?"

"No." Karkat responds. "I don't want Dave."

"And I would like to go with Karkat to find my Mother." Rose adds.

"Fine, then we'll swap." John shrugs. "Is everyone okay with that?"

No one has any more objections.

"Alright then." Karkat stands up. "We don't have much time until morning, so we'll have to act fast. Kanaya, go get Terezi started on some bombs and Aradia, go make sure that everyone knows about the plan. Make it quick too, we don't have much time."

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you're currently leaning over the edge of the golden airship, poised to regurgitate your last meal should the need arise. You haven't thrown up in years and you aren't doing it right now. It's just that the churning in your stomach urges you to be prepared.

You are going to be a part of a major heist tomorrow. Just like Val Kilmer in the movie _Heat_. But instead of running down Main Street with Robert DeNiro and an assault rifle, you'll be charging headfirst into a castle, battling imps to find a giant beat mesa.

Yeah, just like _Heat_.

You've just left your meeting with Karkat and company and decided to get some fresh air. As far as you know, everyone is elsewhere, conducting various random tasks.

"Contemplating suicide?" A voice asks from behind you.

You cast a glance over your shoulder to see Rose striding towards you.

"Nope." You lean back over the rail. "Just admiring the view."

"That's good. If you were looking to reenact my own dive, then I'm sorry to say that I wouldn't be nearly as quick on the draw as you were." She joins you at the edge.

You take a moment to figure out what she's referring to.

"Aw, will you just let that go already." You sigh. "It was a dumb accident and you more than made up for it by killing that Denizen on the beach."

"Saving a worthless drunk from a pitiful tumble and killing an elderly riddle snake does not a fair trade make."

"You're talking bad about yourself again," You turn to face her. "And as your leader I forbid that from happening anymore. So it was said, so it will be done."

"So it _has been_ said, _and _so it _shall_ be done?"

"Whatever. You get the point." You wave your hand vaguely, brushing her off. "And that elderly riddle snake was kind of a big bitch and if you hadn't shown up when you did, we would have been in serious shit. I say we're even as Steven."

"I appreciate that, John. Truly I do." She stares out over the golden clouds, towards the mountain in the distance that is your ultimate destination. "It just feel like, with everything that's about to happen, that I should make you aware of how much you mean to me. If that makes sense. You've been a good friend for so long and everything you've done for me greatly eclipses all I've tried to do for you. I just want you to know that…"

"Congrats on you and Kanaya." You interrupt her before the hollowness in your chest becomes overwhelming. "Seriously, you guys deserve each other."

She's silent for a moment.

"You sound bitter."

"Well I'm not." You shrug and rub the back of your neck. "I'm not."

"I asked you if you were okay with this and you clearly stated…"

"I said that it was fine. I know that. I'm not bitter or anything." You're rambling now. "I just said congrats. There's no hidden meaning or subtext or microdots or anything. I like you and I like Kanaya, so why wouldn't I love you two…" You take both of your hands and interlace the fingers. "Together."

Rose is silent once more and you stare straight forward towards the mountain, knowing that she's currently burning a hole in the side of your head with her gaze.

"I can think of a few reasons."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that _you_ are attracted to me."

Shit.

"Wh- what? Who ever said such a thing?" You need to escape. Suddenly diving headfirst over the railing doesn't seem so unappealing.

"It's quite obvious, John. Even from our first meeting it's been plain to me that you've held a certain amount of not so platonic affections for me."

"You've always known?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"I wanted to see if you had the wherewithal to make the first move."

You gape at her. She was waiting for you? Her. Rose Lalonde, was waiting for you, John Egbert, to… to court her?

"And you wait until after you have a girlfriend to bring this up?" You ask, maybe a little bitter now.

"She isn't my _girlfriend_. She's my Matesprit and if I remember correctly, you have a Matesprit of your own, who is waiting for you to rescue her from the icy clutches of death."

"So… what you're saying is that, because I hooked up with Vriska, you've moved on?"

"Well…" She shifts. Appearing for the first time to be uncomfortable. "I'm not saying that exactly. I suppose that after you and Vriska were confirmed, I was a little concerned. Maybe _concerned_ isn't the best word." She sighs. "If I'm being honest, I was jealous, John."

"You." You shake your head. It doesn't seem possible. "You were _jealous_ of me and Vriska?"

"You have to see it from my point of view, John. I've lived my whole life, segregated from the unruly mob known as my generation. You and Dave were the only males that I conversed with on a regular basis and after entering the game, it became even more apparent that you and I were paramount to destined for each other." She blows a stubborn bang out of her eyes. You resist the urge to tuck it behind her ear. "I held onto this childish belief that the leading man should end up with the leading lady, that you and I were meant to be. Then Vriska showed up, our time came and went, and now I'm with Kanaya."

You wait for her to finish.

"I suppose what I'm saying is that the past should be left in the past. We've each matured in our own right, become different people, and found soul mates outside of each other. Hell, outside of our own species." She reaches out and presses a small hand to your cheek. "Maybe this was the way things were meant to be?"

You want to preserve this moment. You and Rose, standing on the deck of a flying boat, together as the sun just begins to rise. But alas, this is not a dramatic scene from one of your movies. You are not Cameron Poe. You are still, sadly, John Egbert.

"I want to kiss you right now." You say quietly, pressing your face into her hand.

She pulls away. The inches between you feel like miles.

"Well you can't." Rose says. "I am sorry."

She sounds like a robot.

There are footsteps behind you, people are ascending the stairs, and the moment between you and Rose is gone forever. You feel sicker now more than ever. You aren't upset with Rose or Kanaya or even this rotten situation.

You're disgusted with yourself for thinking that you can abandon Vriska in limbo for Rose.

Well, not really. Even if you and Rose ended up together you'd still save Vriska. Not because she is your Matesprit, but because it's the right thing to do. However, you are very much still connected with Vriska for the moment. You love her too. You're supposed to. Those are the rules after all.

People are talking all around you now. Broken sentences and frustrated shouts bounce off your ears like bullets from Jade's rifle. You feel a tug on your shoulder and turn to find that Rose is gone and that Dave is in her place, mouthing something that you can't hear.

"Egbert! Yo, Bro. What the fuck?" He shakes you, hard.

"Wh- what?" You try to dislodge the fog from your head. "Uh, what's up, man?"

"You've been standing there, frozen like a rocket pop in a snowstorm, for about thirty hours. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." You doubt that it's been thirty hours. More like thirty seconds.

"Equius is taking us over the mountain now, we're about to drop the bombs on this bitch. Are you ready?"

You look away from Dave and see that everyone has assembled around you. Aradia is holding her satchel with the needles tucked safely inside. Karkat is standing, arms crossed, next to Terezi. Equius is steering the ship, just like Dave said. Nepeta is flexing her claws menacingly nearby. And finally, Kanaya is talking to Rose across the deck. They seem to be having a good time, chatting amiably mere seconds before your mission goes underway.

Rose's eyes shift from Kanaya's and meet yours. Her gaze flicks away quickly.

"Yeah." You say. "I'm ready."

**LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.**

* * *

**It's all kicking off guys! Next chapter at least.**

**For those who review: what do you think of the new description? Is it okay? Better than the first one? Worse? Should I go back to the drawing board?**

**Why is it so hard to write a hundred word summary when I've already written over 100,000 words of crap? I don't know, but it's pretty upsetting.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	28. ACT 3 - PART 7

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

**Thanks to cheezebuns and demonwindy for reviewing.**

**Warning: This chapter is relatively long.**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are Jade Harley. The sky's awake, so you're awake!

Or at least that's what you tell yourself as you flop around sleepily between John and Dave as the golden airship rocks and bounces beneath your feet.

"Charges have been dropped!" A deep voice, you ping as Equius, yells from somewhere to your left.

"Alright, take us down into the valley!" Responds another voice, obviously Karkat.

The ship jolts again and you're on the move, gliding silently down the mountain and around the enemies territory. Looking through half lidded eyes, you see nothing but clouds beyond the ship's railing. Whoever is currently piloting the golden boat must be trying to keep you all undetected for as long as possible.

Which is good, since once the bombs go off and you start charging in, stealth is going to be the least of your worries. At least in your opinion.

"Whoa there, Harley. You aren't falling asleep on me are you?" Dave jostles you gently with his shoulder.

"Oh, man. I'm sooooorrry." A yawn stretches out the last word. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"What were you doing?"

"Experimenting." You answer with a gleam in your eye.

Dave leans in close to whisper quietly in your ear.

"Ah gross, Dave!" You shove him away. "Not _that_ kind of experimenting!"

"Well then what are you talking about?!" He asks, apparently surprised by your outburst.

"My new powers, fuckass!" You shake your head as if you might dislodge the disgusting insinuations implanted there by your boyfriend. "I've been practicing teleportation and stuff. I'm the Witch of Space after all."

"Really? Teleportation?" John leans in from your other side. "That sounds awesome! Can you show us right now?"

You quickly glance around the deck of the ship.

"Okay, hold on." You find a target and focus on it. "Here we go."

You form a box with your fingers and look through it to direct your mystical energy. There's a flash of green light, a surprised yelp, and Nepeta's cat hat is sitting in your lap.

"Wow." John says.

"Cool." Dave agrees.

"Jerk!" Nepeta accuses, running over to snatch her hat back before scampering away again across the deck.

John chuckles and your grinning like a loon, Dave even cracks a little half-smirk.

"She didn't like that very much." He says. "Maybe you should give her a little _space_ from now on."

You squeal with laughter.

"Haha! Maybe I will, if I've got the _time_." You respond with a wink.

John and Dave's faces fall.

"I don't get it." John says.

Dave just shakes his head.

"Man," You cross your arms. "Fuck you guys."

"Oh, save your _breath_, Jade." John elbows you in the ribs and smiles. "We're just poking fun at you."

"Yeah, you know?" Dave nods towards his ecto-sister a few yards away. "Making _light_ of the situation."

"Stop. Just… please." You close your eyes. It's not fun if you can't do it as well as they can.

The whole ship rocks one more time and then goes completely still. It's an odd feeling. You're used to the subtle hees and haws of the airship as it turned with the wind. Now you might as well be standing on solid ground, which is an apt description since it's basically what you're doing.

"Everyone come here." Karkat barks orders like sandwich artists dispense sandwiches, that's to say very effectively. All the people on the ship abandon their various posts and make their way over to him near the ladder. You stay close to Dave because… _duh_. He's the coolest cat around. "Does everyone know the plan?"

Karkat looks nervous as he asks this, as if everyone is going to say _'no'_ and the whole mission will be trashed. Luckily, everyone nods on the affirmative. All puns and fun is gone now, replaced with this air of tense excitement and fear. This is about to happen.

"Okay, we're just outside of this pass. Once we get through into the valley, we all head towards the castle as a group. Then…"

"Karkat, we know the plan already." Dave snaps. "Let's get this show on the road."

"Fine. Fuck it! Let's go." Karkat shoots Dave a death glare and then turns to Terezi. "On my mark, okay?"

Terezi nods, holding the detonator linked to the bombs in her gnarled fingers. She looks like she's about to pee with happiness.

"Three," Karkat holds up three fingers. "Two," One drops, leaving two behind…

**BOOM BOOM MOTHERFUCKER!**

The charges detonate and you hear the sound of thunder off in the distance followed by the many _crashes _and _cracks_ of falling rocks.

"I said _'on my mark'_!"

"You were taking too long!"

"Fuck it! Let's go!"

As one, your group surges over the railing of the ship and drops down onto the sandy earth below. You've heard war stories that start like this. Your Grandpa himself had been at the battle of Normandy as a frontline infantryman. He'd described it as pure chaos one of the few times your bombardment of questions proved to be too much. He didn't talk about the war much. Hell, he didn't really talk to you about anything he did away from your island

Anyways, your whole group races forward as a wave of chaos. You can hear Terezi cackling like a mad woman and Equius giving a warrior roar. Karkat huff and puffs directly in front of you and Dave sprints at your side.

Your rifle is heavy in your hands and the metal edges seem to be digging into your palm. The ground is hard beneath your feet and the air is cold, biting at your throat as you suck in air. Everything is a flurry of sight and sound and as you dash between two walls of rock, you get a glimpse of what's waiting inside the valley.

The castle is fucking enormous, a towering monument to Jack Noir's ego and everything gold plated and obnoxious. That isn't the startling thing though. What really catches your eye is the sea of black skinned imps, standing between you and your destination.

"Shit," You hear John breathe. "That's a lot of imps."

You click the safety off your rifle.

"Don't worry, John." You grin. "We'll get though this in no_ time_ at all."

"Oh my god. I thought we were done…"

**STRIFE!**

You drop down to one knee for better stability and fire directly into the crowd of imps in front of you. Immediately heads start popping and shouts can be heard.

"Oh shit! It's the players!" One imp cries.

"Sound the alarm!" Another shouts.

"Tell Jack!"

"Don't kill me! I'm a single parent!"

You drill a hole in an imp's chest as it charges forward with an axe raised over its head. There's a loud _screeching_ noise as Kanaya saws through two imps at once with her chainsaw and a soft _whoosh_ as John blows away half a dozen more.

"Move up!" Karkat is yelling. "Head for the castle!"

As you get to your feet, rifle cradled expertly against your shoulder and bullets flying higgledy piggledy into the imp horde, something catches your eye. It's a disc, half buried in the sand and flashing a red light towards the sky.

You watch as Dave and Aradia move forward mere feet away from the strange object.

"Shit, shit, shit!" You lower your rifle and dart towards them. "Fuck! Dave!"

You teleport forwards, knocking into him like a wrecking ball and sending him tumbling away across the sand. Aradia steps too close to the mine and you hear a scream, a bang, and everything you see is white.

**YOU ARE DEAD.**

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are now Karkat Vantas. And everything is the opposite of fine.

You could almost say things are awful, completely terribly awful.

"JOHN!" You yell so hard you think your vocal cords might snap. "HERE, HERE! I NEED YOU HERE!"

You slide on the ground next to Aradia and grab her under the knees and back. She screams when you try to lift her, so you just hold her as John floats over to you.

"Oh shit." He gasps. "Oh no."

"Grab Jade." You order. "We have to get them out of here."

He disappears quickly, almost before the words are out of your mouth. He's the only one you can trust now to fly the wounded out of here. You occupy the time while he's away with stuffing your hands into the gaping wound in Aradia's chest. She screams again and grabs feebly at your arms, as if to stop you.

You know that she's a goner, but you try to stem the flow of blood anyway. There's nothing that you can really do but wait for her to die and then revive her with a kiss. You aren't thinking too clearly at the moment though. You just want to help.

Another explosion shakes the ground beneath your knees and you hear more screams to your left. No one else better be dead.

"JOHN, HURRY UP!" You turn and scream at him over your shoulder. He doesn't respond though. He can't anymore.

John is lying in a heap next to the motionless form of Jade, a pool of blood forming at an alarming rate around their collective corpses.

Shit.

"NO!" Someone yells, a girl from far away.

You need to think of something. A new course of action, since this one is obviously not going the way you planned. You should have known that the field would be booby trapped with mines. You're an idiot for not seeing it. A worthless, stupid, moronic, miserable excuse for a leader…

Something thumps weakly against your stomach.

You look down to see that Aradia is pressing her satchel into you as hard as she can.

"Aradia." You grab the bag. "Medicine. Is there medicine in here?"

She shakes her head.

"N- ne… Needles." Aradia chokes.

Oh, right. The needles for The Scratch. You'll definitely be needing these to complete your mission. You shove the bag down the front of your sweater.

You're about to tell her to relax when something passes over your head, a shadow by the looks of it. You crane your neck to see the source and feel your heart freeze solid in your chest.

That… monster of a creature flaps its dark wings slowly, almost dreamily, as it descends to the ground. His great, wolfish head swivels, tasting the air for his enemies and finding them scattered, bloody on the sand at his feet.

"Karkat." You turn back to Aradia as she speaks. Her mouth is opening and closing like she's a suffocating fish and dark, maroon blood is leaking from her nostrils. "Ga… Gamzee."

"Aradia?"

"I… Kar..."

"Aradia!"

Something slams into the back of your head and then you see no more.

* * *

= Be Bec Noir

You are now Bec Noir. Or Jack Noir. Or Douchebag McGillicutty as your enemies refer to you as.

Or at least they would if any of them were still alive.

Well maybe you're exaggerating too much. The majority of your enemies are actually alive and well. You order the imps to round them up as you personally clock out the one in the turtle neck. You know the one, that guy with the loud voice and short horns.

You bash him in the back of the head with the hilt of your blade and then watch as your imps drag him away with the rest of the unconscious players and trolls. It turns out that Kyle from the imp scouting team had actually had a good idea when he proposed that they load the thirty feet from the entrance of the valley up to the castle grounds with mines.

You'll have to give him a raise, or at least not kill him the next time you get bored and want to have some fun. You owe him that much.

You look down at the dead troll at your feet. The female one with the long hair and curly horns. You vaguely remember her from the troll game of SGURB that you'd ruined prior to your conquering of SBURB. You don't remember her name though.

You're sort of a douche like that.

Something dark against the white sand draws your eye and you turn to see that there's another body lying nearby. The human girl with the round glasses and the…

Jade. Her name is Jade.

You stand over her, merely watching as the last dregs of life leak from her body like the final drops from a wrung out sponge. She's dead for good. You can see that already.

And for some reason, that fills you with a strange emotion that you can't quite pin point. It's like… the opposite of that feeling you get when you ruin someone else's day. Like last week when you'd cut off that old man's hand. The opposite of that feeling…

Sadness?

You kneel down next to the human girl. You feel something for her, a strong sense of loyalty. It's overwhelming, like a sudden urge you sometimes get to sniff random stuff. Did you know how many different smells can be held on a broom handle? You certainly didn't until recently.

The dog you bonded with, you realize, has given you some of its traits. Besides the obvious of course.

You reach down and scoop up the girl in your arm. She will not die today. You'll make sure of that. Using some of your evil powers, you'll transfer new life into her. Make her stronger and more dangerous than ever.

You're going to make her be just like you.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently dreaming… or at least, you think you are.

Then again this is probably more of a nightmare than an actual dream. You're eyes are closed tightly and you're lying on a hard surface. The air is as chilled as the ground beneath you and you shiver involuntarily.

Where are you? You wonder, quickly assessing the situation before you risk opening your eyes. You remember storming up into the valley, all the imps being blasted away with your powerful spells, and then…

You sit bold upright. Hands grab onto your arms and torso and you lash out with punches and kicks, desperately trying to fight off the slimy tentacles wrapping around you in frenzy of…

"Rose! Rose, stop that fighting this instant!"

You freeze instantly. That voice.

_That _voice…

"Mom?" You open your eyes.

Yeah, you are definitely dreaming. This cannot be real.

And yet, there she is. Her hair which had always been so perfectly sculpted is in disarray. Her delicately applied makeup is smeared and streaked and the paint on her manicured nails is chipped. But it's her. It's still undeniably, completely her.

"Mother." You cough and smooth down your skirt. "H- How are you?"

The woman you've spent your whole life trying to figure out, the woman whose mysterious ways and irrational expectations you've spent so much time trying to please, does the most unexpected thing you could possibly ever imagine.

She wraps her thin arms around you and crushes you to her chest.

"Rose." She chokes in your ear. "How am I? Oh goodness, my darling, Rose."

Your mother pulls back and cradles your face in her palms. You're having trouble seeing her with your vision all blurry like this.

"I'm… awful." She laughs, throwing her head back. "I've had a simply dreadful time being held prisoner, although," She looks you from head to toe. "I'm sure that you can relate."

"I- I think that I can." You wipe tears from your eyes and chuckle softly, then look up into her pink eyes. Pink eyes. That's always been an abnormality in the general opinion, but then again you can't talk with these purple peepers of yours. "Mother, am I… dead."

"No." Another voice answers. "You're very much alive, Rose."

You turn and nearly faint when you see Kanaya crouched down next to you, her skirt ripped, her face covered with grime and sweat.

"Ka- Kanaya." You look between your Matesprit and your mother quickly. Have these two spoken? Why isn't your mother freaking out that there's an alien sitting right next to her? What would your mother say if she knew you were dating a lesbian extra-terrestrial?

"Oh, so you two_ do_ know each other." You mother's laugh is like tinkling wine glasses. "You really do have an interesting collection of friends, Rose."

She stands up and for the first time you get a good look at your surroundings. You are in the dungeon. Your mother and Kanaya are near you, Nepeta and Equius are lying in a heap nearby, Karkat is standing against the prison bars with Terezi, and finally Dave is huddled in the fetal position in the corner.

"Kankan here says that you were trying to mount some sort of rescue mission." Your mother continues. "Rose, don't you know that's foolish? I'm not worth the trouble and mounting and assault on a fortress such as this is rather…"

"Where are they?" You blurt, cutting her off and looking towards Kanaya. "John and Jade? Where are they?"

Kanaya's head dips subtly and her mouth opens and shuts once. You already know the answer before she even shakes her head.

You fall back onto the floor, eyes closed tight to prevent anymore tears from leaking. You will not cry. You will not cry.

Two sets of arms wrap around you.

You will not cry.

You will not cry.

"Shhhh. It's okay, Rosie. It's alright." You've waited over eighteen years for your mother to hold you like this, now there's nothing else you want _less_.

"Stop." You push away from her and angrily wipe the body fluids from your face on the front of your dress. "Just stop."

You push yourself to your feet, abandon your mother and Matesprit and march directly over to Karkat. He's leaning against the bars of the cell, moaning something awful about the world and himself and everything. You grab him by the arm.

"We need to get out of here." You say, pulling him to face you.

He shrugs off your hand angrily.

"Well no shit, Lalonde. But that's going to be a lot easier said than done, considering that everyone here is beaten to shit, John _'windy powers'_ Egbert is dead, and that we're a hundred feet underground." He's not his usual self. He's deflated, like a balloon. "Do you have any ideas, Rose? Cause I'm fresh out."

"You can't be." You're vaguely aware that people are starting to group around you. "Karkat, are you hearing me? You cannot be like this right now. We need you."

"You _need_ me? To do what?!" He turns away from you, lashing out at his companions. "What are yall looking at me for?! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M FINISHED!?"

He leans back against the bars and slumps to the ground.

"I'm fucking finished, man." He mumbles. "I'm so… _done._"

Everyone is silent. Nepeta is sobbing quietly into her coat, while Equius holds her. Dave is in the corner still. He hasn't moved an inch.

"All that shouting isn't going to get anything done, Sonny." Speaks a gravelly voice from the shadows.

All eyes turn to watch an old man, with a once brilliantly waxed mustache, come shuffling into the light. He's wearing tan pants, large, square glasses, heavy boots and an undershirt. His brown coat is tied into a sling, which is supporting a messily bandaged and bloodied stump at the end of his arm.

"If you're going to crack under the strain, then go into the corner at the very least." Jade's grandpa points his good hand first at Karkat then to Dave. "Some of us still have a little fight in them."

"Fuck off, old man." Karkat grumbles into his knees. You don't think anyone heard him though.

Jade's Grandpa stumbles closer and nods towards you.

"You there, Lass. I think I heard you say something about my Jade?"

You resist the urge to cry again. You really don't want to be the bearer of bad news to this old man, whom has already lost quite a bit. Has he really not heard anyone else discussing the death of his granddaughter? Why does it have to be you?

"Yes." You nod. "I know her."

Knew her.

"Is she dead."

This man obviously isn't one to beat around the bush.

"Well… we," You turn to Kanaya. She is unhelpful. "We don't really know for sure, you see? Things are a little complicated in that area. There's a chance that she might be resurrected…"

"No there isn't." Another voice cuts you off, one you don't recognize.

You and everyone else cast about for the speaker, eventually all eyes fall upon Dave in the corner. Had it been him that had spoken? You doubt it. Dave doesn't sound like that.

"She's dead." He speaks again and this time you have no trouble identifying him as the source. Dave lifts his head. His face is completely flat. He might as well not even have a mouth or eyes for that matter. All you can see are his shades.

"You don't know that, Dave." Terezi says. Her cane, along with the rest of your weapons seem to have been taken. She leans against the bars of the cell next to karkat. "She could come back."

"You didn't see how she died." He buries his face in his knees, much like Karkat. "It was heroic." He says. "So fucking heroic, you don't even know."

Well that settles it then. Gods, such as Jade, can only die under very specific circumstances. Heroic or Just. Just or Heroic. It doesn't matter.

Jade is truly dead.

The old man shuffles over to Dave and taps him on the head with a knuckle. Dave looks up, as impassive as ever, into Jade's Grandpa's face.

"You look like a tough bloke to me." The Grandpa says. "You and Jade must have been good chums. If she were here, would she give up hope?"

Dave looks away.

"There is no hope though, Pops. Everything is finished, didn't you hear shouty over there?" His shoulders slump. "Jack Noir is going to come down here and kill us soon, and by the time that happens…"

Your ecto-brother suddenly stiffens as if hit by an electric charge.

"Time." He says, and then suddenly he's on his feet. "God damn! I am a fucking idiot!"

"Don't use the lord's name in vain." Grandpa chides.

"Oh stow it, Gramps. I'm having an epiphany here." Dave strides quickly up to you. "I'm going, Rose. Back in time to stop her from dying, or to at least kiss her back awake."

"Will that work?" Terezi asks. You notice that she, along with everyone, even Karkat, seem to be interested.

"I don't know." Dave answers. "But I'm sure as hell going to try it."

"You have to be careful though." You warn, even though you feel excitement swelling in your chest. "Time Travel and Alternate Timelines are messy work, Dave. You don't want to get in over your head with this stuff. You need to try impacting as little as possible."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, don't try going back in time to prevent us from ever playing this game, or even back far enough to stop Bro from being brainwashed. A change that big in the timeline would destroy the whole universe."

Dave blinks.

"Shit, why didn't I think about doing that." He face palms. "Alright, I promise that I won't try to change anything too drastic. I'm just going to prevent my gf from dying, okay? And John too, if I can."

"Fine." You nod. "Please be careful, Dave. Remember what I said about Time Travel being messy."

"Yeah, yeah I know." He spins his hands and turntables materialize before your very eyes. "Get everyone ready to go. Once I save Jade and John, we're busting you guys out of here, understood?"

"Alright." You watch him disappear.

The room falls into silence once more, now that the excitement seems to have left along with Dave. There's a tap on your shoulder.

"Well, Rose." Your mother smiles. "While we wait, why don't you introduce me to all your lovely friends? I certainly never expected you to be _this_ popular."

You stifle a groan.

"Mother," You take her by the arm, pulling her away. "You're embarrassing me."

Although, at the moment, you're finding it hard to be truly upset with her.

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too. You'd much rather be traveling through time like a total badass than dead or wasting away in a dungeon a hundred feet underground.

Speaking of which, is the dungeon really that deep? Or was Karkat just being a drama queen?

Probably the latter. Man, fuck that guy.

You appear with a small _pop_ on the deck of the golden ship. It's deserted completely and you can hear the sound a battle waging on nearby. Things must already be kicking off over there, your friends dying and your mission going to shit. You better hurry.

With the speed of an accomplished ninja, you vault over the railing of the ship and set off at a jog towards the castle valley and the bloodbath within. As you near the scuffle, everything falls silent. The explosions and screams stop, leaving you with that horrible silence that only accompanies a brutal battle. In some ways that's more deafening than any land mine.

You creep up to the entrance of the valley and peek around a boulder. There really are a shit load of imps milling about outside castle. As it turns out, the explosive distraction on the mountain really wasn't that effective, especially on those many enemies. It's doubtful that you would have made it into the castle even without the mines.

Whose fault is this? You wonder. Whose master plan led you into a trap? You know whose fault you want all of this to be. Karkat of course, but a small part of you wonders if maybe John should take some of the blame too.

He is your leader after all.

On the ground, scattered everywhere, are your friends and family, some dead, all motionless. As the imps start to collect and drag them up into the castle, you notice something very odd, something that no one else appears to have seen.

Two pink turtles dash out onto the battlefield from a crack in the ground, grab John's corpse, and drag him away. You watch in awe as your friend disappears below ground. You really hope that turtles don't eat him. That would be a shitty thing to explain to Rose.

You're considering running out to grab him when you see Jade.

She's a bloody heap on the ground. You're beautiful Jade, discarded like a broken doll.

You're halfway out of your hiding spot when Jack Noir descends from the sky. He examines Aradia, then Jade.

Then the bastard actually reaches down and touches her.

Your toes dig into the ground and you push off, charging directly towards him. There's no way in hell that you're letting him take her. No way in…

Something tackles you from behind and pins you to the ground. You twist, trying to kick your attacker off of you, so that you can continue your attack.

"Jesus, dude. Chill the fuck out." The person pinning you says. "Listen to me, man. You really don't want to run out there."

You stop struggling and roll over to get a good look at the newcomer.

"What the hell?" You demand, glaring upwards. "What are you doing here?"

"The same thing you're doing. Trying to fix everything." You answer, glaring downwards.

"Get off me."

"Only if you promise not to run out there like a total retard."

"Fine, I promise."

You get up and allow the first you to stand, dusting the sand from his red suit. You look at you for a second, and you can tell what the first you is thinking before he even opens his mouth.

"So, care to explain?" You ask, throwing your hands on your hips.

"Well," You begin. "I was you, right? And I ran out there to save Jade from Jack Noir. It turns out though, that Jack Noir isn't going to hurt Jade or whatever, but actually _save_ her. If that makes any sense."

"I call bullshit."

You point over your shoulder and you turn to see that Jack Noir is flying up towards the tallest spire of the castle with Jade in his arms. You and You watch on as green lights start to erupt from the spire like fireworks, so bright that you almost blink behind your shades.

"She comes back to life." You explain. "And then gets thrown in the dungeon with everyone else."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I chased after him, got captured, and put back in prison. She's fine, a little… different, but fine." The other Dave explains.

"Okay, but she's still in deep shit no matter what." You point out. "We have to bust everyone out of there."

"I know. That's why I came back in time, man. So let's go do it.

"Yeah."

"NO!" A third voice shouts suddenly.

Both you and you turn around to see another you and you sprinting towards them. The two new yous come to a stop right in front of you, breathing heavily and leaning on their knees. The first you and the second you wait patiently for the third and fourth you to catch their breaths.

"You- you guys don't want to do that." One says. His jacket is missing and his shirt and tie are ripped. "As soon as you guys get to the castle, yall get swarmed by imps."

"Yeah," Agrees the other. "It's like a festival of impy rumpus up there, just waiting to tear you guy's new assholes like giant hole-punchers."

You and second Dave exchange glances. Well shit, now what are you supposed to do?

"Okay then." You say. "If we can't just run in there, why don't we try to find another way in? Maybe we can sneak in through a window or something?"

"We'll have to search the grounds."

"Psshh. No problem, man. Call me the search master."

"Yeah, let's do it."

"WAIT!" Another voice stops you before you can even take another step.

First you, second, third and fourth you, all see four more Dave's come charging in your direction. They come to a screeching halt before you, and pause to gasp for air. This group is even more torn up to the last, with one limping pretty bad and another bleeding profusely from a gash above his eye.

"You guys do not wanna go wandering around these grounds looking for a secret entrance." Gasps one of the new Dave's. "There are so many imps and traps, you would not believe."

"Yeah," Adds another Dave, the one with the limp. "Have yall ever seen a six foot long mouse trap before? Well, fuckers, guess what's behind that rock over there."

You groan and slap a hand to your forehead. This is totally not going to plan in the slightest.

"Okay," You rub your hands together and examine your assembled crew. "Why don't we…"

"YO!" You don't even get the words out this time, before another group of Dave's come charging up. "You don't wanna do that."

"How about…"

"NO!"

"We could…"

"PLEASE, NOT AGAIN!"

"Why not…

"STOP IT!"

"You're stepping on my foot."

"No, that's _my _foot asshat."

"I can't breathe!"

"Then how are you talking?"

"Will everyone please be quiet?"

"_You_ be quiet!"

"Everyone back the fuck up!"

You shove a few of yous out of the way and clamber onto the nearest boulder, using a few other yous as stepping stones. Once you're on the higher ground, you gaze out over the sea of Dave's steadily filling up the area between the golden airship and the castle sod. The flow of Dave's doesn't seem to be stopping either, more and more groups, multiplying larger each time, come jumping over the edge of the ship to join the previous group on the sand.

Things are quickly getting out of hand.

"Hey!" You cup your hands around your mouth and try again. "HEY!"

The chattering of voices comes to a slow stop and silence falls upon the horde of blonde-headed, shade wearing, red-suited, insufferable pricks.

"Everyone!" You shout. "Listen to me! Has _anyone_ gotten inside the castle yet?!"

A group of about thirty Dave's near the edge of the mob raises their hand. One Dave near the very middle of the ocean raises his hand too, but his neighbor quickly shoves it down with a shake of his head.

So you suppose that the thirty yous over there have been the most successful, since they've gotten in the castle, and therefore closer to your friends.

"Okay!" You continue. "What was your guy's plan!? What did you do!?"

The group of Dave's in question huddle together and after a few seconds of deliberation, raise a single Dave onto their combined shoulders. He shouts to you.

"WE GOT JOHN TO HELP!"

Oh shit. John is still chilling with the LOLAR turtles in their damn hidey hole. You'd forgotten all about him in all this excitement. If the consorts saved him, they must have known he'd resurrect somehow. You look back over the crowd towards where you remember the crack in the earth to be.

"Hey, do you guys remember where that crack was?!" You call.

"I got a crack for you right here, Buddy!"

"Put your pants back on, Dipshit!"

If you get through this, it will be a miracle.

"IT'S HERE!" A voice shouts. "THE CRACK IS HERE."

"Where's _'here'_?"

"Right here!"

"Be more specific!"

"EVERYONE STOP YELLING!"

The crowd falls silent once more. You jump down from the boulder, climb over a few Dave's, and touch down on the ground once more.

"Make a hole guys!" You start pushing your way through the crowd. "I'm coming through."

"I got a hole for you right here, Buddy!"

"Will someone shut that Dave up!?"

You spend the next ten minutes or so fighting your way though the horde, every once and a while calling for the Dave who located the crack. Some of the yous are in really bad shape, other are practically unscathed, and others are just downright douchebags.

As you squeeze yourself between two Dave's, you accidentally bump into another.

"Sorry." You say, trying to get around him.

"It- it's alright…" He responds quietly

You do a double take.

"Dude, are you… crying?" You ask.

"No!" He turns away quickly. "I've just got some of this shitty sand in my eye!"

"Alright, alright. My bad." You quickly abscond from that situation.

Eventually you make your way to your destination.

"Alright, Dave." You say, stumbling over to him. "Where is the crack?"

Wow. You never thought you'd say that out loud. Ever. Like for all time.

"Right here." Dave responds and points towards the hole in the ground that you saw John disappear into earlier.

"Rock n Roll. Good times." You give him a thumbs up and kneel down next to the hole. "He's probably going to freak the fuck out if he sees all of us at once. So I'll just go down by myself, okay?"

"Apparently he was pretty cool when those Dave's talked to him." Dave says, pointing in the general direction of the thirty Dave's that already recruited John in an alternate timeline or a future timeline or a past timeline or… something. You have no idea.

"Really? Huh, maybe I should get one of them to talk to him, since they've probably had a similar conversation with him to the one that I'm about to have now." You straighten up. "Speaking of which, did John not die completely or what? I'm pretty sure I saw him kick the bucket earlier."

"Psshh. I don't know, dude. I'm part of the newest batch of Dave's. This shit is all new to me."

"Shouldn't it be old to you instead? Since you've been me and all these other Dave's before?"

"Nope. I don't remember any off the stuff after going back in time to save Jade."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Huh." You're going to stop trying to understand anything about this situation. "Well, I guess I'll go grab one of those Dave's that talked to John earlier. Try to keep other me's away from the hole, okay?"

"You got it. This hole is on lockdown. It's like a Fort Knox inside of a bigger Fort Knox on the moon. No one is getting inside. It's locked up tighter than a Nun's…"

"Alright, I get it. I'll be right back." You start pushing your way back to the crowd, a little frustrated to have to go through this again.

"This is it." You realize. "This is my hell."

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means that you're dead… yet again. What is this, like the fifth or sixth time? You really need to work on your self-preservation skills.

In your mind's eye, you can picture both Jade and Aradia, each lying motionless in their respective pools of blood. This is all your fault. You and your stupid plan which totally didn't work for shit. Everyone was counting on you to deliver and you failed them.

You remember flying towards Jade, then a puff of sand and a white hot flash of heat. Somehow you'd managed to trigger another bomb mid-flight, like a total idiot. But then again, maybe that's not such a bad thing, taking into consideration that dying a hero is what _really_ gets you killed.

So you're back in limbo again, for the meantime at the very least. You'll come back to life soon, but then what? You'll probably just get killed for real by Jack Noir then, and tossed into a mass grave along the rest of your pals.

Damn, you really hope all your friends aren't dead. That would most definitely be the worst.

"Hey, John." A voice says from behind you.

"Hey, Aradia." You say, turning to face her.

She looks a little sad, floating there in the void. You want to give her a comforting hug, but you don't really know how to maneuver without any gravity or wind and you don't want to look like an idiot by trying to flail your arms or whatever.

"So… I guess this is it, huh? We're dead." Aradia sighs.

"Well. I don't really know how dead I am, since, you know, God Tiers and stuff."

"You think you'll come back like Jade?"

"Maybe, I don't know for… wait did you say Jade came back?"

"Yeah," Aradia points somewhere over your shoulder. "She was here for a bit, but she disappeared before we could really talk. I think someone revived her."

"Oh, well that's good then." You breathe a sigh of relief. "What about you though? Maybe I can bring you back too?"

"I don't think so, John. I'm pretty sure that it's the end of the line for me."

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

The world quickly descends into awkwardness, as you both float helplessly in oblivion. You wonder where Vriska is? You're kind of hoping to see her before you disappear. Over in the distance you can make out something that vaguely resembles a castle, but then again it might just be a fever-induced stress mirage. You don't really know what to believe anymore and honestly, you're fucking sick of castles.

"John, if you do come back to life, can you do me a favor? It's actually pretty important."

"Sure."

"You need to tell Karkat that I…"

You wake up, before she finishes her sentence.

The first thing you see when you open your eyes is… rather hard to believe. You have got to be dreaming, there's no way that you're currently in a cave, surrounded by a group of pink turtles, all looking at you with round eyes and slack jaws.

"Uh…" You begin, unsure where to start. "Can you guys give me something to read?"

None of the turtles move. Maybe they can't understand you?

"Jesus, Egbert. What the hell are you talking about?"

"Dave!" The turtles back away when you sit up, grinning with joy to see your friend alive and well. "What are you doing here?"

"Taking care of business, as per usual. You have a nice nap, Buddy? I hope so, because I'm about to drop some heavy shit on you." Dave is leaning against one of the cave walls, the epitome of suave. "But first, what's that shit about reading?"

"Oh, Haha. I heard somewhere that a good way to check if your dreaming or not is to ask for something to read." You explain. "It's not possible to read in a dream."

"Now that's bullshit. You can totally read in dreams."

"Maybe, I've never tried it before until now." You climb to your feet, a little unsteady with dizziness. "This really isn't a dream, is it?"

"I'm afraid not, Bro. There is absolutely zero chance that you're about to wake up in a second, surrounded by warm blankets and cool breezes on a beach in Tahiti. This is real life, where all our friends are captured, about to be tortured, and then murdered for Jack Noir's sick amusement. The friends that are still alive at least."

"Aradia is dead." You say solemnly. "She was going to tell me something about Karkat, but I woke up before she could finish."

"It doubt that it was important. She was probably about to say _'tell him that I love him'_ or something equally stupid. I don't understand troll romance at all."

"She specifically said that it was important though."

"Yeah, to her. I'm telling you, John. You don't want to get mixed up in that girl drama, okay?" Dave moves from the wall and grabs you by the lapel. "There's better-quality shit going on right now and I need you to focus. Your leadership skills are about to be put to the ultimate test."

"Dave," You try to push his hand away. "I don't think I should be your leader anymore. I sort of fucked up big time… again."

"Nonsense, you're the only person I can trust right now who isn't under lock and key." He tightens his grip on your coat. "I seriously need your help here, Bro. Need I remind you that the fate of the entire god-dammed universe depends on whether or not we save our friends?"

"No. I got that part."

"Okay, then. Now listen closely. This is where things get complicated…"

Five minutes later, you climb out of the hole and join Dave on the no man's land between the golden airship and the castle grounds. Everything is just like Dave explained it would be and yet, you're still wildly unprepared for what you see above ground.

"Hey, it's Egbert."

"Sup, Bro."

"Dude, how've you been?"

"Did you really die again? You seriously need to work on your self-preservation skills."

"Guys look, it's John."

"Has he come to help?"

"No he's come to kill us all, Dumbass."

"No need to be a dick… Dick."

You simply stand there in the middle of the mob of Dave's, completely unsure of what to say or do.

"Uh… Dave?" You turn to find the version of your best friend that had accompanied you out of the cave is nowhere to be seen, or has at least blended in with the rest of the Daves. You sigh and speak under your breath. "I think I'm ready to wake up in Tahiti now."

"John." One of the Dave's steps forward. "I think you should get this crowd under control, before more of us start show up."

"There are more of you?" You groan. "Why? Where are they coming from?"

"Most of us just keep screwing up and going back in time to try again, accidentally bumping into past versions of ourselves along the way," Another Dave tries to explain. You really don't understand. "Although a few of us don't really remember any of that."

"It's like I popped up from know where."

"Like a beautiful rose in a garden full of weeds, fighting our way towards the precious sunlight and life-giving rain."

"Alright, everyone stop talking for a second." You say holding up your hands in a placating manner. "Which one of you is the alpha Dave? Or the original one?"

"That's me."

"No, it's me."

"Guy's I'm pretty sure that I'm the original Dave."

"It's totally me, John. Don't listen to him."

Okay, well that obviously isn't going to work. You need to establish some system of order or at least a chain of command. The words of the first Dave you talked to float through your mind like drift wood down a stream.

You need to be a leader.

Thrusting your hand into the air, you call upon the LOLAR winds to lift you off the ground, above the head of every Dave in and outside the valley entrance. A hundred thousand pairs of shades all look up at you with varying degrees of mild interest and ironic concern.

"Alright, listen to me… uh, Daves!" You call, as loud and commanding as possible. "I'm pretty sure that all of you know the situation at hand, so I'll just skip to the good stuff! We have to get into the castle and save our friends! Now I know that none of you have really been that successful at all, but maybe if we all work together we might actually have a chance! So here's what's going to happen, we're going to storm that castle, kill every imp we see, save our friends, and reignite The Scratch!"

"I'm going to kill Jack Noir!"

"Yeah!"

"Me too!"

"Not if I kill him first!"

You send a strong breeze through the crowd, silencing all the various cries for vengeance. That's pretty cool, you wonder if that would be effective at shutting Karkat up too. Speaking of Karkat, he'll probably just explode when he sees this many Dave's in one place.

"Once our friends are safe and the game reset, you guys can do whatever you want!" You yell. "But until then, try not to do anything stupid, like fight a winged, wolf, king beast without a weapon!"

"What are we waiting for?!"

"Come on, let's kill some shit!"

You blow another quick breeze before they can get started again. They are obviously ready. There's no point in postponing this anymore.

"On my mark!" You float around so that your facing the castle and begin to count. Towards the base of the fortress, you see thousands of clueless imps milling around, somehow completely unaware of the ruckus happening just over a hundred yards away. They are about to be fucked up. "One! Two! Three! Go!"

All the Dave's surge forward as one, thundering across the ground with what sounds like a thousands upon thousands of footsteps. They're all screaming and yelling and cursing and you just fly above it all, hammer in hand and heart pounding in your chest. This is the most intense thing you've ever been a witness to, and you've had sex with Vriska Serket!

This better work.

**STRIFE 2.0!**

Explosions boom below you and you sigh heavily when you look down to see the crumpled forms of dozens of dead Dave's flying through the air. You'd forgotten to warn them about the mines. Shit, you are probably the worst leader that has ever lived.

No, wait. Fuck those guys, they should have known about the mines. Most of them have been through this before. You just hope that not too many Dave's die. Average people tend to be sentimentally attatached to their best friend, and do not wish to watch them die over and over and over again.

However, that's exactly what happens.

You drop down outside the castle gates and slam your hammer into the ground. Powerful gales of wind scoop up nearby imps and toss them toward the heavens. A few Dave's get caught up too, much to your displeasure. You decide to be a little bit more careful with your attacks from now on.

All around you are the sounds of battle, Dave's wrestling weapons away from imps and imps hacking, slashing, and blowing they way through multitudes of Dave's. The battlefield quickly descends into a blood bath.

"There's too many!" You hear an imp shriek.

"Call out the big guy!" Another cries.

The big guy? You have a good guess on who that is and you have no intention of sitting around here and waiting for him to show up. You raise your hammer and with a few extra gusts of wind behind it, blast the castle gates off of their hinges with one good swing.

Without waiting for you to get out of the way, Dave's being pouring into the main hall and you are swept along with them in the most bizarre crowd surf of your life.

"Hey, man!" One Dave calls from below you. "This could be going a lot worse, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess- LOOK OUT!" You watch as a bullet plows through that Dave's forehead. He falls and get's trampled under his companions.

More bullets whiz from over head and you look up to see that imps are stationed all along the upper balconies inside the castle. Down in the main foyer, these Dave's are sitting ducks.

You push off the crowd and fly up towards the ceiling blowing gusts of wind towards the snipers and sending them tumbling away, often down to the mob below, where a few are literally ripped to shreds. You try not to listen too closely to the screams or look down at the mass of swirling red and black blood.

As you reach the ceiling at the highest part of the castle. You see it.

The Scratch is just outside of a gleaming, multicolored skylight, resting on the very roof of the castle. Of course, that's one of the only places it could go, considering that the Beat Mesa is too big to fit through a door.

You blast up through the skylight and alight atop the giant disc. You'll need Echidna's needles to reinitiate it, but for now, you'll settle for getting it the fuck away from this castle.

You block out the sounds of the battle below and focus, building up more and more powerful winds that swirl around you in a furious spiral. Your jacket flaps madly, and not for the first time you miss your God Tier hood. This whole sequence would be infinitely more badass if you were wearing that.

Gradually, the Beat Mesa starts to shift.

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are now Jade Harley. You see a bad moon arisin'.

You see trouble on the way.

Don't come around tonight, well it's bound…

"Jade." A hand slaps against your cheek with a sharp sting, interrupting your pleasant dream featuring CCR. "Jade, wake up."

"Fuh, wha?" You moan and stretch. "Wh- where am I? What's going on?"

"Open your eyes, Jade. You're safe right now."

You do as your told, since it seems like a reasonable request. You blink once, twice, and the room comes into sharp focus. Immediately, you notice that something is wrong.

"I can't see." You say, rubbing quickly at your eyes. "I can't… I can't-"

"What?!" It's Karkat. He's leaning over you and gripping your arm like a vice. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't see… colors." You finally manage, blinking repeatedly as you examine your surroundings.

Sure enough, it's as if a switch has been flicked, removing all colors from existence and leaving nothing but greys, blacks, and whites. You can see Karkat, Rose, and an older woman that you guess is Rose's mother huddled over you, but absolutely no color whatsoever.

"Ah," Rose says with her hand stroking her chin. "That makes sense."

"What makes sense?!" You snap, slowly rising into the sitting position. "That I'm now color blind? What happened? I thought I was dead!"

"You were, but allow me to explain. After you died, we were taken here to the dungeon. Jack Noir brought you down here too shortly after. Apparently he was heavily influence by Bec's soul, and therefore saved your life by transferring some of his life energy to you, along with some of his characteristics."

"Like color-blindness?" You ask, incredulously.

"And then some. Hehe." Terezi giggles, poking her head between Rose and Karkat. "Nice ears, you little furry!"

"What the hell are you talking…" You reach up and brush the top of your head.

Then you scream at the top of your lungs.

"Calm down, Pumpkin. It isn't that bad."

"What do you mean it isn't that bad!?" You shriek at your Grandpa. "I have dog ears on the top of my head, you old coot!"

Wait a minute… Pumpkin? Grandpa?

You're grandfather's face breaks into a wide grin, so familiar, yet wildly missed at the same time. He barely has his arms open wide enough before you slam into him.

"Oh my god!" You press yourself forcefully into him, as if he might absorb you like an ameba. "You're alright!"

"Well most of me is, you see?" He chuckles and raises his bloody stump to eye level.

You gasp.

"Papa, I'm so sorry!"

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault now, was it?" He wraps his good arm around you. "And I can see that you've taken a few licks yourself there, Hon."

He nods towards your left hand and you wriggle the nubby fingers there with a giggle.

"Yeah," You smile dumbly. "I guess we're just a couple of cripples now, old man."

You would be content to hang out with your grandpa in this dungeon for the next several hours, getting used to your new dog characteristics and getting reacquainted with the situation. However, the universe has a different plan, as it always does.

Everyone looks towards the ceiling as a loud _crash_ is heard.

"Someone's coming." Kanaya says.

"It might be Dave." Rose responds, and then turns to you. "He traveled back in time a while ago to try and set us free and prevent you from dying."

"It could also be Jack Noir." Karkat points out, always the optimist.

"Or it could be Dave _'fucking'_ Strider." Drawls a voice you would know anywhere.

All eyes turn to see your boyfriend come sauntering up towards the prison bars with a hefty sack slung over his back.

"Dave!" Rose rushes over. "You did it!"

"Hell yes I did. What did you think? That I'd totally over complicate everything and almost ruin my life? Psshh. Where's your faith Lalonde." He unlocks the door with a key and throws his sack onto the floor. "Raided the armory on the way here. There's all of your weapons. Now if we hurry up and get the hell out of here, then we might escape before Jack Noir shows up."

"How did you manage to get past all the imps?" You ask, stepping forward for a quick hug. "It's good to see you by the way, babe."

"You too." He responds. Behind you, you hear your Grandpa mutter a quiet _'babe?'_. You'll have to deal with that later. "It's kind of a long story, but the quick version is that there's over a hundred thousand me's upstairs fighting against the imps and Jack Noir. I came down here alone so as not to freak you guys out, but you'll really have to face the music eventually."

Everyone is silent for a moment, but eventually Terezi speaks.

"I call bullshit."

"Nope." Dave holds up his right hand. "Honest to Gog truth here, Honey. Now let's go."

Weapons are returned to their rightful owner and everyone makes preparations to attempt fighting their way out of the castle. You have no intention of letting that happen. You've lost enough people today and the absence of Aradia and John from your group has not gone unnoticed by you. You're not going to let anyone else get hurt.

"Everyone wait." You say, stopping everyone in their tracks before they've even stepped out of the cell. "I have an idea."

"What is it, Harley?" Karkat snaps. "We really don't have time for this."

You make a box with your fingers, backing up against the far wall so that you can see all of your companions between your fingers.

"You're right, Karkat. We don't have time." You focus your energy. "So we better make use of some space, huh?"

Rose's face goes from confused to panicked in the time span of about one second. She knows what you're going to do.

"Jade!" She shouts, but it's too late.

You teleport all of your friends away, towards the nearest safe place possible. With a flash of green light, you're left alone in the dungeon.

"I'm sorry, guys." You say to no one. "But it's better this way. Now you have a chance to actually winning."

They can regroup and come back for The Scratch after they've gotten a better plan worked out. What's important is that they're someplace safe for the moment.

Now if only you knew exactly where that was. In hindsight, you probably should have been a little more specific with your destination. They could be safe, one cell block over. Or safe, all the way in LOHAC. You'll be able to focus and pinpoint their location at a later time, when you aren't worried about making your own escape from this castle.

You lift your rifle to shoulder height and rush out of the cell and towards the stairs. Your brow is slick with sweat and you're a little worried that teleporting such a large group… wherever they went, might have been a little too taxing. Regardless, you don't think you'll be doing anymore teleporting today.

At the top of the stairs you bump into Dave.

"Whoa shit. I guess you weren't joshin me about the hundreds of yous thing." You comment, peeking around him to see a dozen other Dave's packing the hallway beyond.

"It's more like a hundred thousand. And are you really surprised? I'm an honest guy after all, Babe. You should know that by now."

"Oh really? Honesty and irony are sort of on different ends of the spectrum, last time I checked." You shove past him and start to plow through the rest of the Dave's.

"Hey! Where's everyone else?" Dave calls after you.

"I'll explain later. Let's just get out of here!" You lead the way up the stairs and towards the main foyer.

All the Dave's thunder up the steps behind you, making various shitty jokes and disgusting comments that make your skin crawl. In no time at all, you lose your temper.

"Will you all just shut up?!" You snap, turning to face them abruptly. "For the last time, I'm not sleeping with all of you at once! Not now! Not ever! And stop talking about my ass! It's making me very uncomfortable!"

All the Dave's stare at you blankly, and then look away with a flurry of muttered apologies. You huff and turn around again, charging back up the stairs.

"I told you that she wouldn't go for it." You hear one Dave say.

"Just give her time. She'll come around." A second responds.

You roll your eyes and ignore them. At the top of the steps is a set of double doors. You shove through them and step out into the main foyer. You scream.

The entire floor is covered in a fleshy, bloody carpet of… Dave. Everywhere you look, you see another one of his corpses strewn nonchalantly from wall to wall. In the very center of the massacre, stands the one and only Jack Noir.

"Stop." He says in a voice as piercing and dark as his blade.

"Jade run!" All the Dave's yell in unison and race towards him only to be cut down as quickly as they arrive.

You tear your eyes away from the blood bath and start leaping over bodies in your path as you fix your eyes on the smashed castle gates. The exit is only fifty yards away from you now. If you just put a little pedal to the metal you can get there it in no time.

You make the mistake of looking over your shoulder at Jack Noir and the skirmishing Dave's. Except, there are no more Dave's, just Jack Noir standing upon a pile of fresh corpses.

"Stop." He says again, unfurling his black wings and streaking towards you.

This is it, you realize. There's no way in hell that you'll be able to lift your rifle quick enough to blast him. He's going to impale you on the sword of his and then it will truly be lights out for you. Or at least that's what you think. It seems rather silly of him to resurrect you just to kill you again. But honestly, your mind is too clouded by fear to think clearly.

"Gotcha!" Something slams into your side and suddenly you're airborne.

For a second you think that Jack Noir has caught up with you. Then you feel the warm arms your middle and see the blue blazer pressed against your cheek.

"John?" You ask more out of surprise than anything else. You wrap your arms around him tightly.

"Hold on, Jade." He says. "And try not to look down. We're about to be in a chase!"

You have to agree with him. It's unlikely that Jack Noir will give up his pursuit just because you're now flying. You wonder why John would tell you not to look down though. You've never been afraid of heights before. However, when you cast a glance towards the ground below, you understand why.

You bury your face in your ecto-brother's shirt and squeeze your eyes shut, anything to avoid looking at the mounds of corpses, each unmistakably your boyfriend, stretching as far as the eye can see.

**END OF ACT THREE.**

* * *

**Well there it is. The end of Act Three. The next chapter will pick up immediately where this one left off and hopefully answer some of the questions yall might have.**

**This chapter is the longest one yet, at over 10,000 words. So for those who review: Do you prefer longer chapters like this? Or do you like shorter chapters that can be posted more quickly? I'm starting my first year of college this Monday so the frequency of my updates MIGHT drop a bit. Emphasis on the might, since it probably won't change at all.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	29. ACT 4 - PART 1

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**Thanks to lodestarParagon, demonwindy, and cheezebuns for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

You are Jade Harley. And you raaaan. You ran so far away. You just raaaan. You ran all night and day.

You couldn't get away! :D

Or maybe you can? That's still left to be decided after all.

"Can't you fly any faster, John?" You ask, peeking over his shoulder to see that Jack Noir or Bec Noir or whoever, is still hot on your tail (no dog pun intended). "I'm not trying to sound demanding or anything. I'd just rather not die at the moment."

"I'm trying." John replies through gritted teeth. Beads of sweat are sticking his long bangs to his forehead and his glasses are in serious danger of slipping from his nose. "I think I'm losing power or something."

"You're not a goddamn light bulb, John. You can't lose power. Just put a little more…_ oomph_ into it or something."

"Those instructions are really vague!" John dips suddenly, taking away whatever response you have along with all the air in your chest.

He's streaking towards the ground now. You feel the wind tug and pull at the skin on your face and you resist the urge to squeeze your eyes shut behind your glasses. At what seems to be the last second, he pull up and streaks down the rocky pass that will take you back to the golden airship.

With a large amount of effort, you suck in a breath and speak.

"We won't lose him on the ship. It's too slow."

"I thought he couldn't detect the ship because of it's paint."

"He can still detect it with his eyes though. Seriously, that thing is like a giant ass off the end of a firefly." You try to dissuade John from going to the ship. "Listen, we can leave it, lose Jack Noir, and then come back for it later we don't need…"

"We can't leave it." He cuts you off, rounding a rocky corner at breakneck speeds.

You hear a long _scrape_ as Jack Noir's black wings trim a few inches off the side of the rock walls. He's not giving up. He'll bash his way through this whole mountain to get to you, sort of like the way your heart is threatening to explode from your rib cage right now.

"Why can't we leave the ship?" You ask and immediately get your answer as John streaks back into open sky again.

The ship is below you on the sand, no longer golden but a light grey. To you at least. The other difference is that there is now something resting on top of the deck. You fail to resist letting out a long, loud groan.

"Are you fucking serious, John?" You ask. "I mean, this isn't some joke, right?"

"I didn't know what else to do!"

"How about not crush our boat with a giant disc! That sounds pretty good to me!"

The whole Beat Mesa is resting atop the ship, completely covering every inch that had once been open to the sky. You seriously doubt that ship was built to carry that sort of weight or to even support it for an extended period of time. You can see that the ship has already sunken a few feet into the sand.

"I tried to carry it, but this is as far as I got." John explains, descending towards The Scratch. "Turns out this shit is really heavy. Jack Noir must be really strong to carry it all the way from LOHAC."

"Let's not compliment him while he's trying to kill us." The pair of you land on the mesa, on top of the ship, and you stumble out of John's arms. You're still feeling a little weak from your mass teleportation earlier.

"Since when did you get so snarky?" John questions, furrowing his brow. "How long was I dead? And… why are you wearing dog ears?"

"I'll explain that later." You hear a hard _crunch_ as Jack Noir breaks through the pass. "Right now, let's deal with him, okay?"

"Right."

**STRIFE!**

You turn from John and raise your rifle towards the sky, firing short, accurate bursts towards the winged monster. He dodges them all completely. He's either really fast or you're really out of practice, which is unlikely since you've done nothing but run, shoot, and dance since you've entered the game.

Jack Noir dodges around another barrage and lands with a heavy _thud_ on the Beat Mesa. The whole ship rocks dangerously under the added weight and you stumble to regain your balance. John's quick to swing his hammer at Jack Noir's head, only to be blocked by a quick swing of a sword.

You strafe to the left trying to get a clear shot on your target as both John and Jack Noir continue to exchange swift, powerful blows. This fight is only going to end one way, with both you and John dead if you don't think of something fast. Jack Noir is just too powerful.

A quick block and kick combo from Jack Noir sends John sprawling across the mesa. Jack Noir raises his sword, poised to deal a killing blow and you leap forward to shield your friendleader. Your eyes are shut tight, so you don't know for sure when the blade will pierce your heart. You just wait.

It doesn't come.

You open your eyes a fraction of an inch and squint at your arch-nemesis. He's hesitating, holding his sword above his head like some sort of frozen gargoyle. Rose's words from before flood back into your mind.

"He won't hurt me." You say, more to yourself than to John. He responds anyways.

"What do you mean?" John gets to his feet and dusts himself off.

"Bec is still in there somewhere, I think, and since he was loyal to me, so is Jack Noir." You glare into Jack Noir's ghostly white eyes and speak in your most commanding voice. "Go away."

He doesn't move.

"I said go away, you… you piece of trash!" You shout at him.

He still doesn't move.

"I don't think he's going to do what you say, Jade." John says warily from behind you. "Maybe Bec's soul just balances out with Jack… Whoa!"

John is forced to duck as Jack Noir tries to take a swipe at him over your shoulder.

"No!" You shout, holding your arms out to cover John more completely. "Bad dog! Very bad!"

Is it just you or is Jack Noir starting to whine quietly. He certainly looks a little more submissive, with his sword lowered and his wolfish ears drawn back against his massive head. You swallow heavily and take a bold step forward.

"Go away." You say again. "You're an unpleasant person and nobody wants you here."

"Whoa there, Jade." John snorts from behind you. "Way to really bring the pain. Remind me not to piss you off ever again."

"Shut up." You growl, literally you growl like a dog. Jack Noir retreats a half step. "Yeah, that's right keep going! Further!"

He takes another step.

"I said further, fuckass!"

He takes one more step back and then John lunges forward. A gust of wind threatens to knock you over as it barrels past you, striking Jack Noir and sending him flipping, wolfish mug over heel towards the rocks. John's quick to act next, apparently knowing that he's done nothing but buy you both some time.

"He'll be coming right back. I only just sent him over the mountain." John grabs you by the arm and steers you across The Scratch. "See if you can get under this thing and get the ship started. I'm going back into the castle for everyone else. Where are they? The dungeon?"

"No one's there anymore I teleported them to safety." You answer quickly.

"Really?" John's eyes widen. "That's awesome can you teleport us away too?"

"I don't know. I'm a little weak now." You admit. "I don't even know where I sent them exactly. I just know that they're safe."

"Well get the ship started anyway. There's something that I need to do." He turns and without another word flies off back towards the castle.

"He better get back fast." You grumble to yourself as you examine The Scratch. "Or else I'm leaving without his windy ass."

That's not true. You won't leave him.

John had told you to get underneath The Scratch and onto the actual deck of the ship so that you can get it started. This sounds incredibly dumb to you, since you've already decided that the airship can't take off with something this big sitting on it's back.

You check your… magical gas tank or whatever and find that you still have a few dregs of Spacey power sloshing around inside of you.

Wow. That's a weird metaphor.

Anyways, you don't have enough juice to teleport you and John away with The Scratch, but you might have enough to work some different magic. You look through your fingers at the surface of the Beat Mesa between your feet and focus.

You haven't had the chance to practice this yet, you'd been more interested in teleportation than anything else associated with your powers. But as the Witch of Space, it's your job to actually _manipulat_e space, whether that be bending it to travel long distances instantaneously or reducing the amount of space an object takes up.

In a flash of green light, you shrink The Scratch.

The now uncovered deck rises up to meet you and you crash down on your hands and knees, painfully aware that you probably should have gotten off of The Scratch before you shrunk it. There's a soft _clatter_ as the disc lands next to you. It's about the size of your average CD now. You snatch it up and store it and your pocket, before dashing towards the wheel of the ship.

"Come on, John." You frantically jab your finger into the ignition button. The ship hums to life. "Come on, John. Where the hell are you?"

You scan the skies for your ecto-brother, but he's nowhere in sight. Damn that friendleader. He better not be risking both his and your life over something stupid. You specifically told him that all of your friends were no longer in the castle, but somewhere safe. Why would he need to go back?

A dot appears over the rocks and your heart swells until you see a pair of black wings silhouetted against the sun.

"Barnacles." You breathe ruefully, grabbing the wheel and steering the ship up and away. It rises from the sand, much too sluggish to escape the nimble Jack Noir.

John isn't here, Jack Noir is quickly closing in, and you didn't even get to say goodbye to Dave before you sent him away.

Well, one of him anyways. All the other versions of him seem to be dead.

Maybe you can use your persuasion over Bec to get Jack Noir to back off for a while. It's your best bet of getting out of here when John shows back up. If he didn't die while he was away that is.

"Where are you dammit!?" You ask the heavens.

"Who me? I'm right here."

You turn to find John alighting on the deck of the ship behind you. Tucked under his arm are two identical pink turtles. Rose's consorts from the Land of Light and Rain.

"You went back for turtles?!" You shriek, furiously spinning the wheel and pointing the engines towards the castle. "There's no way we're going to get out of here, John. Not after you took forever going back to save a couple of dumb turtles."

"What's the matter with you?! These turtles are totally awesome. They saved my life." John gets defensive. "Besides, they're cute, right? You like cute things."

"Turtles are _not_ cute."

You crane your neck, trying to get a look at Jack Noir. You spot him closing in from behind. He'll be on you again in a matter of seconds.

"Hold on to something, guys." John says, raising his hands above his head. "I'm about to give us a little _oomph_."

The wind picks up again, and before you can even shout, you and the whole ship are blasting forwards at an incredible speed. The sun, rain bow sea, and white sand, streak by you in dull lines and you're sure that if you could turn your head, you'd see Jack Noir and his stupid castle disappearing into the distance.

* * *

= Be Bec Noir

You are now Bec Noir. [Note to MLP Mike: Insert line about Bec Noir being a douchebag here.]

The players have escaped, every single last one of them, and what's worse is that they took The Scratch with them. Today is not a good day to be you.

You fly back to the castle grounds, over the thousands of corpses littering the sand. They're copies of that one human. You know the one, that guy with the sunglasses and the inexcusable arrogance. There had been a lot of them running around when you'd flown down to help your imps defend the castle.

You'd cut them all down quickly enough. They were weak and slow compared to you, most of them weren't even armed. You'd thought that you were unstoppable, that the players were really on their last leg, and that victory would soon be yours.

Little did you know that it was all a ruse. While you were distracted your hostages escaped somehow and their leader took The Scratch and flew away on that stupid ship of theirs. Jade is on that ship too. You can still smell her familiar scent, faint but still firmly stored within the memories of the dog you bonded with.

You can still smell her. Therefore you can still find her.

"Excuse me, sir."

There's something poking you in the knee. You look down to see that it's Kyle, the imp who had the idea to bury the mines in the sand.

You like Kyle.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but what should we do now? The players have escaped and we know not where. Should we go to the third castle in the Land of Frost and Frogs?" Kyle asks.

You shake your head _'no'_. You're tired of castles and that whole plot device was used up over twenty chapters ago. No, you're not going to sit and wait for the players to come to you again, because there's a good chance that they won't. This time, you're going to be coming to them.

"Stay, Kyle." You say. "You're in charge."

Kyle's eyes widen into dinner plates and you turn, flap your wing,s and ascend into the sky. You'll follow Jade and her scent all the way to the ends of the universe, because when you find her, you'll find The Scratch, and the rest of those miserable players too.

You aren't out of this game yet.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

You are now John Egbert. Which means you're currently flying on the golden airship, bound to nowhere, with your ecto-sister and a pair of LOLAR turtles.

All in all, you're not impressed with the current situation. You've seen worse.

"Alright, so care to explain what happened back there?" You say, crossing your arms.

"I could ask you to do the same thing." Jade replied folding her arms as well and leaning against the wheel of the ship. "Didn't you die? Why did you save those turtles? How did you find The Scratch?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast there, Scruff McGruff." You say, holding up your hands in a placating manner. "You explain your side. Then I'll do mine. I did ask first after all."

Jade heaves a heavy sigh and then kicks angrily at one of the turtles as it tries to hug her leg.

"Keep that thing away from me and take a seat. This is going to take a while."

You and Jade sit down on the deck of the ship and then she begins to talk. She explains dying and then coming back to life in the cell, where Rose explained her canine transformation. Jack Noir had saved her life by giving her some of his powers, and therefore, some of his traits. The dog ears and color blindness would take some getting used to, along with the subtle urge to scratch herself. Jade then repeats her earlier claim, in which she teleported all of your friends to safety somewhere.

"Speaking of which, I should probably try to locate them now, huh?" She said, digressing for a moment. "I'm a little tuckered out from all the excitement, but maybe if I focus…"

Jade trails off and squeezes her eyes shut, pressing the tips of her fingers into her temple. You wait patiently. You don't want to disturb her because it's actually rather important that you locate your pals, also what she's doing right now looks a little painful and she's sort of developing a short temper at the moment, one which you'd prefer not to contend with.

After a long while of concentration, meditation, and quiet whistling. Jade opens her eyes.

"Oh, well that's not good."

Welp. That's the last thing you wanted to hear.

"Why?!" You lean forward. "What happened? Where are they? You didn't send them to an alternate dimension full of evil, flying horses, did you?"

"Horses? John, what the hell are you blabbering about?"

"Trust me, Jade. You do _not_ want to bump into a flying horse unawares. It'd be all kicking and neighing and flying around. They'd tear you to shreds."

"Did you sustain brain damage at some point during the battle or something? If not," Her fist clenched on her knee and she spoke though gritted teeth. "I'm seriously considering giving you some."

"Alright, time out." You form your hands into a letter 'T'. "What's got your got your knickers all twisted? Are a few fleas caught in your fur?"

"That's it. I'm going to kill you." She stated matter-of-factly "And it'll be a Just death too, since you're being a total fuckass right now."

"Fine. I'm sorry." You say, rolling your eyes towards the heavens. "Now where are our friends?"

Jade wrings her hands and chews her lip for a moment, apparently lost in thought. Eventually, she speaks:

"They're about four hundred kilometers straight ahead and one million three hundred and thirty-three kilometers up."

"Up? What are you talking about?" You crane your neck upwards, as if expecting Rose and Dave to be chilling on the moon and waving at you. That's stupid of course, since you can't see people on the moon with your naked eye.

Also it's daytime.

"They're currently on a meteor exactly one million two hundred and four miles away, that's if we just go towards them in a straight line, of course."

"Oh, _of course_. Since cutting out that turn makes such a big difference."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just cool to know the exact distance between stuff now, you know? It's part of my new Spacey powers!" Despite the rather unfortunate scenario, Jade seems happiest when discussing her new abilities.

"Alright, well just teleport them back."

"I can't."

"And why not?"

Jade's eyebrows furrow again, her good mood evaporating as quickly as it came. You wonder if her new dog genes affect her hormones too, creating dastardly mood swings. That really sucks if it's true. You've known girls to already be pretty volatile as it is.

"I don't know, _John._ For a lot of damn reasons." She starts counting off on her fingers. "I can't see them, therefore it's hard to pinpoint their current location. They're really fucking far away, therefore it would take a lot of energy. I'd be moving them from one specific location to another specific location, namely us, instead of one specific location to an unspecified location, therefore that would be hard."

She pauses to suck in a breath.

"Also, the energy that I expended already, teleporting them away and shrinking The Scratch, has taken a lot out of me, John. I don't know if I have enough juice left to move a paper clip right now."

You take a second to consider her words. There's a lot of stuff that you don't understand and some that you do. The basic information bleeds through though, all of your friends are far away and you have to get The Scratch to them somehow.

"Wait, hold on. How can you be losing power? I thought that we weren't like light bulbs or whatever."

"I can get weak from over exerting myself. Our powers are different, John." She gestures vaguely around her. "You can use the wind whenever you want because it's literally _everywhere_. Do you know how hard it is to bend space?"

"No."

"I didn't think so."

You sigh and flop back onto the deck, looking up towards the stars and where you're friends are supposedly waiting. A thought strikes you.

"They haven't… like suffocated or anything, have they? Last time I checked there wasn't any air in space."

You hear a dull _frump_ as Jade joins you on her back.

"I intended to send them somewhere safe, therefore they are safe. Somehow, someway, they are alive."

"Well, I guess that's good to know then."

"Yeah."

You both lay in silence for a while, thinking similar things. Is everyone really okay? Will Jack Noir catch up with you again eventually? Can this ship even fly into space? You certainly can't and you doubt any air bubble that you could make would last the whole trip. There are a lot of questions swirling in your head, so you decide to ask someone smarter about it.

"I don't know much about this ship." Jade answers after you voice your concerns. "But I think that it should be safe to take it into space, we'll have to stay below deck the whole way though. And as for Jack Noir… I really don't know. I'd like to think that he'd just give up already."

"He seems like a pretty determined bag of douche." You point out. "And if we can take this ship out there, what are we waiting for?"

"I don't know." Jade shrugs. "Maybe I'll wake up in a second and find out that this whole thing has just been some twisted nightmare."

"If I had a nickel for every time I thought that..." You say and then sit up with a groan. "Let's get things moving, shall we?"

"Alright."

You help Jade to her feet and she returns to the wheel, pointing the ship upwards and setting a course for a meteor over a million kilometers away. She talks as she works.

"So, John. Are you going to tell me everything that happened to you now?"

"Might as well."

You tell her about dying, meeting Aradia, and coming back to find that the turtles had pulled you out of harm's way. Apparently all the consorts in all the lands are like your best buddies. You hope that you'll get to see your salamander friends again. You know the ones, the little family with the comfy couch and the cabinet full of booze.

You both get a little solemn when you mention the army of Dave's and you fail to mention watching all of them die in rather gruesome ways. It's best for you not to sour her already questionable disposition with such depressing things.

"I did send one Dave with everyone else." Jade says. "I don't know if he was the alpha Dave or not, but at least he's safe."

"Yeah I guess that's good." You wonder what Dave was thinking, multiplying himself like that. Of course, there could only be one left standing. Having multiples of the same dude would totally ruin the dynamic of your group. "So yeah, anyways. I found The Scratch and tried to carry to safety, but then I only made it to the ship before I dropped it. Then I went back for our friends and bumped into you and… I guess that's it."

"Hmmm. Sounds like a wild ride."

"Pretty wild, yeah."

"Do you think anyone will believe us when we get out of here? I mean, like normal people from earth."

"Not a chance." You look over the railing, towards where the ground is slowly growing smaller and smaller. "So how long do you think it will take us to get there?"

"Psshh. I don't know. I'm the distance lass, not the time lass."

"I don't think you're a lass anymore, Jade. With those ears, you're more of a… pup, or something."

"Shut up, John. You aren't helping."

"What the yiff? Where did the turtles go?" You look around for your pink companions. They've disappeared. The must be already making themselves at home below deck.

"I don't know," Jade answers with another growl. "But you better stop making furry and dog jokes this instant."

"I can't help it, Jade. You know that I'm barking mad."

"Fuuuuuuh!"

The air grows thinner as you ascend higher into the stratosphere or whatever. You never paid much attention is astronomy. Eventually, you and Jade leave the wheel and go below deck. You find the switch for the stairs and activate it, sealing off the top deck and locking the pair of you below. With the Alchemiter and all the grist you got from killing Rose's denizen, you should have enough supplies to last the trip, however long it takes.

"What do we do now?" Jade asks.

"I guess we just wait." You answer.

**END OF DAY ONE.**

* * *

**Raise your hands if you didn't see that coming? No one? Well, alright :/**

**I recently jump started another one of my stories called "The Mask of Responsibility" and it's a Spider-Man fic that can be found on my profile page along with some other crap. The reason I'm mentioning this, is because "John: Try to Understand" is written in second person, first tense. While all my other fics are written in third person, past tense. And switching between the two really fuck me up :?**

**Anyway, I'll manage somehow. This next act, ACT 4, is really going to cover a great amount of time. Namely, the three year separation between John's group on the ship and Karkat's group on the meteor. There are going to be some interesting twists and some cool payoffs, at least in my opinion. I hope yall like it too.**

**Thanks for reading. **  
**- Mike**


	30. ACT 4 - PART 2

**Chapter Thirty**

**Thanks to demonwindy, A Dreaming Songbird, cheezebuns, and wisdom-of-me for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

You are Rose Lalonde

You are currently in the process of yelling.

"Jade!"

It's too late though, your prison, your friend, and your sense sight all disappear at once in brilliant a flash of green light. One second, you're trapped in a dungeon, and then the next you're buried underneath a pile of squirming, shouting, furious troll.

"What happened?!" You identify you're makeshift blanket as Karkat. "What was that?!"

"Stop shouting. You're like five inches away from my head!" Another voice, Terezi, responds.

"Get off of me, you're crushing my spleen!"

"Oh, forgive me. I didn't see you there."

"Where's Jade? I dare say that young Lass has given us the slip!"

"English, old timer. No one understands what the hell you're saying."

"Jade certainly did something," Kanaya chimes in, somewhere to your left. "And judging by the change of scenery, I have a good idea what."

You struggled underneath Karkat's writhing form and expose your head to open air. Well, you're certainly no longer in that castle. Hell, you aren't even in LOLAR or any other of the four lands for that matter. If you had to guess of your initial impression, you'd say that you were in space.

That's right, space.

"Oh, Jade." You sigh. "What have you done?"

Everyone spends the next few minutes or so getting disentangled from one another. You're mother was caught at the very bottom of the dog pile and you assist her in standing up.

"Thank you, Rose darling." She says, brushing dirt from her dress and then rubbing a spot on her lower back. "I'm afraid I'm starting to feel my age. Haha."

"That isn't funny." You respond.

"Well… no. I don't suppose it is, is it?" Your mother looks down on you, but unlike she did before.

The woman you grew up with, (not _'raised by'_, there's a big difference), looked down on you in both the literal and metaphorical sense. Everything you did was either _'silly'_ or _'little'_ in her eyes.

"_How are those silly stories of yours coming, Rose?"_

"_I see you're wearing that little sweater you made, Rose._"

Now though, she's looking at you with a sort of… apprehension. As if she's unsure who, or what, exactly she is dealing with. Maybe she sees the coldness in your eyes, the unimpressionable hardness that wasn't there before, but came along with eldritch monsters and suicide. Or maybe right now she sees that you currently uphold the dominant side of the relationship.

She is in your world now. A world of monsters and magic and aliens. If she's going to survive, it's only going to be through your skills and knowledge, not her money or her high society shenanigans or even the endless supply of liquor which served as an escape from whatever hell your birth seemed to bring upon her.

If past you could talk to present you, she'd ask why you aren't happy right now.

You should be elated. For once in your life you hold the power and she's left looking at you, asking for _your_ approval. You should be over the moon with happiness.

Currently though, you're on a meteor and you feel nothing but tired.

"Does anyone know what's happening?!" Karkat is pacing frantically in circles. "Does anyone have a plan?! Who's in charge now?! Is it you?!" He reaches out and grabs you by the sleeve. "Are you in charge, Rose?!"

You slap his hand away.

"Get a grip on yourself, Karkat. I'm no more in control of this situation than you are at the moment." You turn to Kanaya. "Although, I belive that you and I have come to similar conclusions concerning Jade's actions and our new setting."

"What did she do?" Dave, or… one of the Dave's asks. "Is she alright? What happened?"

"She teleported us away." Kanaya answers simply. "Somewhere far, _far_ away by the looks of it."

"Why would she do that? How can she possibly expect to fight her way out of the castle alone?" Equius speaks up, although quietly, and he remains positioned off to the side. Apparently the defeat and capture of your group did more to hurt his ego than anything else.

"She's not alone." The Dave says. "There's about a dozen me's waiting up the stairs and about a million more on the ground floor. It's like someone called a convention for all the most badass, coolest, mother fuckers in the universe to get together and jam. Sucks that yall weren't invited, but then again, it's sort of a private affair."

"I'd appreciate it if you watched your language, Sonny. There are ladies in our presence." Jade's Grandpa pats Dave's shoulder and nods around the group.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't touch me, gramps, and got yourself a little up to speed. Most of these _'ladies'_ have bigger balls then a Great Dane with testicular cancer."

"Now that's just plain old insulting. I don't care if you're taking a piss or not, Junior. I won't have that sort of rubbish around here, and especially not around my Jade."

"Who the hell are you? My fucking dad?" Dave crosses his arms, the epitome of teen angst. "And take a look around, wind bag. You see Harley chilling out anywhere nearby? Nope, me neither. If you turned up you're hearing aid, maybe you'd hear some of the important stuff being discussed. Such as the fact that we're currently in _space_."

"Now, you listen here," Grandpa Harley steps forward, good hand pointing into Dave's chest.

You intervene.

"Stop it, both of you." You put a hand on each of their shoulders. "We can't afford to fight amongst ourselves right now. We have to get our bearings and find a way to return back to LOLAR so that we can actually find Jade."

"I agree." Kanaya says. "Even with the army of Dave's at her back, she's still in grave danger. Not to mention that The Scratch is still there as well, ready to be reignited."

"What happens if Jade reignites it while we're out here?" Terezi asks, her mouth twisting into a good imitation of a question mark.

"She won't be able to." To your surprise it's Karkat that answers. He reaches down the front of his sweater and pulls out Aradia's adventurer's satchel. "I have the needles right here."

"All the more reason to reason as quickly as possible." You shoot Dave a final scalding glance, making sure that he doesn't cause any more trouble, before turning to the group. It's time for you to try out this leadership stuff. Who knows? It might actually be kind of fulfilling. "I propose that we scout the immediate area for any landmarks or constructs that can aid us in our mission."

"What's the likelihood that we'll find a working space ship out here?!" Karkat raises his hands and spins in a circle. "And how would we even know which direction to fly even if we found something like that?! Face it guys, this is hopeless! We've lost! Everything we've done up to this point has been completely pointless! Repent! Repent!"

He sinks to his knees and then rolls onto his side, curling up like a decapitated worm. Everyone stands around him in a jagged circle, watching the former leader as he just lies in his own misery.

"I second Rose's proposal." Kanaya eventually says, raising her hand.

You shoot her a quick smile.

"Thirded." Your mom also raises her hand.

You blink in surprise. Is 'Thirded' even a word? You've certainly never heard it before and you've spent most of your childhood pressed between the pages of a book like a dried leaf. Regardless of whether or not your mother requires the invention of words to support you, the effort is appreciated.

"Fourthed. Hehe." Terezi laughs.

Alright, you need to get moving before this gets out of hand.

"Fifthed." Dave adds helpfully.

"Alright," You clap. "Equius, take the trolls over behind that hill." You point towards a large, grey cluster of stones. "Do not walk so far as to lose sight of that hill. We do not want anyone to get lost."

"Yes, ma'am." Equius motions with his hand and Nepeta, Terezi, and Kanaya follow after him, leaving Karkat in the dirt.

"Mr. Harley." You turn to Jade's Grandpa.

"Just Harley's fine if you will, young lady." He responds with a warm smile.

"As you wish, Harley. Would you please stay here and watch over my mother and…" You nod towards Karkat. "Him."

"Oh, no. Rose, I'm coming with you." Your mother joins your side. "It's not safe for you and this young man to go off alone."

"This young man happens to be your genetic son, by the way." Dave smirks. "Sup, name's Dave Strider. You can call me Badass McGillicutty or D-Strides if you want."

Your mother looks between Dave and you a few times.

"I'm sorry, Rose, but what is he talking about?" She asks, quizzically.

"I'll explain later." You turn and grab Dave by the arm, dragging him away. "In the meantime. You are staying here. We will be back shortly."

"Oh… well. Alright. Be careful!" Your mother shouts after you.

You and Dave disappear behind another cluster of rocks and find yet more rocks in your path. This entire land mass which you're currently residing upon seems to be entirely composed of grey stones, varying in different sizes from sand sized grains to enormous boulders. Judging by the terrain and star-laced, cloudless sky, you can assume that you are not anywhere that you've been before or probably would have been if not for Jade's intervention.

You have a sinking feeling that you're very far away from where you once were.

"You should make an effort in the future to not be so antagonistic." You say, breaking the silence between you and Dave.

"Is this why you broke up the humans and the trolls? So you can chew me out?" He responds with a huff. "Cut me some slack. I'm tired, hungry, my girlfriend and best friend are probably dead, and we're stuck on this rock probably for the rest of our lives."

"We're all in the same situation, Dave. That doesn't give you an excuse to pick fights." You hike up your skirt as you ascend another hill of rock. "And with Mr. Harley of all people? I would have thought that you'd show a little more respect for your Matesprit's guardian."

"Okay, first off: Jade is my _girlfriend_. Not whatever weird, alien love square that Karkat's always babbling about. Secondly, Indiana Jones back there totally started it. Just because he's old as time itself doesn't mean the he gets to tell me what to do."

"Still, maybe you might try taking the high road for once? Who knows, you might actually find the view to be quite nice."

"Oh like you can talk about the high road. You've been giving your mom the cold shift ever since you bumped into her. Talk about respect, amirite?"

You stiffen.

"That's a completely different matter entirely."

"Sure."

"It _is_." You affirm. "And I highly encourage you to avoid speaking of topics the like of which you know nothing about."

"She's my mom too."

"No. No, she isn't."

Silence descends upon the pair of you then, heavily laden with the potential for another sibling spat to break out. You wonder if John and Jade get along better than you and Dave do. Not to say that it's always rain clouds and dog bites between you and your ecto-brother, it just seems like more often than not, you find yourself somewhat annoyed with his antics.

"You don't have to be all moody, you know?" Dave speaks suddenly. "I was just exaggerating when I said that John was dead. Last I saw, he was still up and kicking."

"Hmmmm."

"I mean it. He's probably fine. You know him, nine lives and everything. It's not easy to get rid of, Egbert. You know that. He's like… cancer or something. He keeps coming back."

"I wish that you would stop talking." You don't enjoy him making light of serious diseases, even if he is trying to raise your spirits. Seriously, he's mentioned cancer twice in the last ten minutes. Maybe he needs some new material.

"I'm sorry. I'm just… working everything out right now." He admits.

"Jade sent us away to keep us safe. You said it yourself; she has an army of Dave's by her side to help her escape. If John is really alive then they'll find each other. They'll be alright and we will rejoin them shortly."

"That's not it. I trust you on all that stuff, well almost." He shakes his head, reaching up to squeeze the bridge of his nose. You wish he'd take off those shades for a while. He'd be much easier to read without them, but then again, maybe he's well aware of that fact. "I'm not sure of… a lot of things."

"Like what?"

"Like whether or not Jade is actually safe… with me." He admits quietly. "Not with me, me. I mean, the other me's. I don't know how well the fight is going, but last time I looked… I was sort of losing."

"The imps were pushing your army back?"

"Well no, they were just… killing me. Like really easily. I saw a lot of me's die, like so many that you wouldn't believe. Once we got inside, I practically ran all the way down to the dungeon to get away from…" He swallows hard. "The screams… or whatever."

You're interest is piqued. What are the psychosocial impacts of watching oneself die over and over and over again? How must it feel to know that you might not be the original Dave, but a copy, or even a copy of a copy? Has the Dave you spent so long, loving, hating, playing with, fighting with died on the battlefield, leaving this… one, in his place?

These are questions burning in your chest, which you don't have the heart, or the will, to ask presently.

"You're presence there will be nothing but a catalyst for her success. Whether or not your army fights effectively, they will not impede her in the slightest." You reach out and put your hand on his shoulder. "Whether you believe in yourself or not, what you did back there was very brave and was instrumental to our release."

"Jade would have teleported you away whether I was there or not."

"And then where would she have been? Trapped alone in that cell. You opened the door. You set her free. You saved her, Dave, and that's something to be proud of."

He kicks at a grey rock and it bounces across the grey ground to disappear into a grey hole.

"Whatever." He shrugs. "Where are we going anyways? I thought you told us to stay within sight of the group."

You look over your shoulder to see that the place where you'd originally arrived is long gone. This doesn't bring you concern, however. If anything you feel perfectly fine continuing on the path which you're going.

"Hmmm. It would seem so." You say, facing forward once more. "Don't worry though," You and Dave come to an edge, where the ground suddenly slopes away into a ravine. At the bottom, appears to be a temple constructed of black rock. "I think we're heading in the right direction."

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

You are now Karkat Vantas. And you are pretty sure that you want to die right now.

Like you wish with all of your shriveled, little heart for a second meteor to strike the meteor you're currently lying on and blow it into oblivion. That would be nice, you think.

"There, there, little fella." A delicate hand strokes your hair. "Everything is going to be alright."

"Don't touch me, _human_." You spit. "Didn't your adult female guardian ever tell you not to pet strangers? I could have a contagious alien disease or something and you wouldn't ever know."

"Oh I don't think you have a disease, Kitkat. Rose would have warned me if you did."

"Humph. Maybe." You roll over and look up at the adult human woman. "But then again, maybe Rose was hoping you'd get sick and die, just so she could get rid of your old, wrinkled ass."

Mrs. Lalonde's face maintains its waxy grin.

"I do suppose that is a possibility, yes. However, I don't think she would have gone through all that trouble of trying to save me, only to let me kill myself with alien rabies. If she wanted me to die, she could have left me to rot in that dreadful dungeon."

For a second, you consider blurting something like: _"You're daughter is a filthy bulge sucker who's currently pailing a vampire from a different galaxy!"_ Just to see if you can get under this woman's skin. However you don't. Kanaya's friendship means too much for you to toss around her personal business like that. It would almost be worth it, though, to get Mama Lalonde to stop smiling at you.

"What is it with you youngsters and being disrespectful to your elders?" Harley is sitting on a nearby rock, resting his stump of an arm on his knee. "Jade never told me that she was chums with a bunch of rotten hooligans. Back in my day, kids didn't act like this."

"I don't give two shits what kids back in your day did, you old fossil. If I had it my way, we would have completely ignored both of you people and gone straight for The Scratch back in that castle. Maybe then we would have actually gotten somewhere, but nope. Thanks to Jade and her bullshit shenanigans, I'm stuck here with two more humans that I can't stand. So do me a favor, you sack of pink skin, don't talk to me. Just leave me alone, please?"

Harley opens his mouth to respond, but is drowned out by the sound of many footsteps clattering over the rocks. Everyone turns to see that the trolls have returned back to their original starting point.

"Hey, Karkitty!" Nepeta sings, bouncing over and leaning over you. "Are you fuuurrreeling better now?"

"Fuck off."

"Yay! You're back to normal!"

"Where is Rose?" Kanaya asks, looking around the rocky circle. "She has not returned?"

"Her and that strange boy with the sunglasses went that way." Mrs. Lalonde points. "I'm sure that they will be back soon."

You brush Nepeta out of the way and climb up into the sitting position, examining what's left of your rag-tag group. You, Terezi, Kanaya, Equius, and Nepeta are the only trolls left now. For how much longer though?

You have no idea. You could all get eaten by meteor worms tomorrow.

"Kanaya!" You bark. "Status report. Did you find anything worthwhile?"

"Oh look whose back in charge again! Hehe." Terezi interjects with a high pitched peal of laughter. "Did you finish '_repenting'_ yet? Hehehe."

"I would not jest about such matters." Equius says, coming to your defense surprisingly. "This truly does seem like the end of times to me."

"Well aren't you just a regular blast. I can taste your fear sweat from here, Bloo Boy. What's the matter? Afraid of a little moon rocks? Hehe."

"We've already established that we are on a meteor." Kanaya comes between them before another friendly spat can break out. Tensions are obviously running high amongst the group at the moment. "And as for your question, Karkat, no. We did not find anything worth reporting, other than that this meteor is relatively small in size. From a high vantage point, you can see its curvature in the distance."

"We should explore the whole thing. I doubt we are the only chaps to call this place home." Harley offers.

"Home? How long are we going to be staying here, Karkitty?" Nepeta frets.

"I don't know." You groan.

"Well what do you know?" Mrs. Lalonde asks.

"All _I_ know is that everything smells and tastes like bleach on this stupid meteor. I miss the ship with its delicious, delicious walls." Terezi looks wistfully towards the sky.

"I agree that exploration is our best course of action, although we should not leave this position until Rose has returned." Kanaya says.

"Why don't we just take the meteor," Equius suddenly booms. "And push it somewhere else!"

"I have an idea." All eyes snap to see Rose and Dave standing upon a collection of rocks above you. "Why don't we explore this totally sweet temple that we just found?"

Everyone is silent for a moment.

"Sure." You say and clamber to your feet. "Why not?"

The temple is a good distance away and you spend the most of it sulking near the rear of the group, only mildly interested in what is happening around you. How could things get this out of hand? It seems that every plan this group pushes forward automatically descends into great failure and tomfoolery.

The only plan that went well so far was the Mlpuia Jive and that was filled to the brim with teen romance clichés and hurt feelings. Looking back though, you'd probably take a hundred of those stupid jives over another farce like the one that took place at the castle.

"I simply followed my instincts." Rose explains, in reference to how she and Dave located the temple. "I believe that this is the product of my new abilities as the Seer of Light. I was able to follow the most fortuitous path available in our search."

"Fascinating." Kanaya's hanging on every word her Matesprit says, like a newborn wriggler on a rumble sphere. It makes you sick to watch the pair of them. "The only hero of light in our session was Vriska and she only used her powers to boost her own fortune."

"Well she didn't boost her luck enough to stop herself from getting killed." Dave points out, always the sensitive one.

"Well Dave, that's because after your session began it became dominant over ours. All the effects of our game were removed to make room for yours. However, after The Scratch is finally completed, your session will also be nullified and our powers returned to us." Kanaya somehow manages to keep her patience where you could not.

"So wait. After we reboot our game and get new players, will we lose our powers too?" Dave seems worried. You had no idea he was so attached to his time wimey abilities.

"I do not know."

"Rose?"

"I don't know either." Rose shrugs.

"Well shit. Does anyone know anything?"

Good question.

"All _I_ know is that this temple smells like black licorice." Terezi inhales heavily and gives a moan of ecstasy, like an addict getting a hold of their vice. "How did I not find it for myself? I bet it probably tastes like licorice too. Hehe."

Mrs. Lalonde leans in close to her daughter.

"I don't mean to rush you, dear, but I really would like an explanation of what is going on here exactly. Who are these… things? And why are they so weird?" She asks.

"These _things_ happen to be my friends, Mother. I'd like for you to treat them as such." Rose replies curtly.

"I wasn't trying to insinuate otherwise. I was simply…"

"I know what you were trying to do, Mother. I promise that I will explain everything as soon as possible." The human girl is rather short with her adult female guardian, isn't she? Yet more evidence that you aren't the only one who doesn't fully appreciate the woman's presence.

"Wow." Terezi gasps as the temple comes into view. She wraps her bony arms around your neck. "It's a miracle, Karkat! A Gog-dammed miracle."

"What did he just say?" Harley asks, staring after Terezi as she sprints away.

"First off, Tz is a total babe and secondly, don't get your rosary all in a twist," Dave says. "She said _'Gog'_. It's some troll terminology that no one but them understand. If they say anything like Beef Grub, Wriggler, Mlpuia, Recuperacoon, or Asshole Rumpus just nod your head and smile."

"Uh… okay?"

"Perfect."

Terezi, (Who is obviously a girl. Stupid old man), is running around the base of the structure when the rest of you reach it. Disgusting streaks of saliva already coat the wall and Terezi is steadily working her way towards another corner.

"Cut it out, will you?" You grab her by the shoulder, halting her progress. "I know you aren't going to clean that shit up. So just stop."

"Why are you in such a bad mood, Karkat?" She gestures vaguely towards the temple, grinning. "We've just caught a lucky break. We've got someplace to call home until John and Jade show up and you're still mopeing around?"

"John and Jade are not showing up. They are dead, Terezi, and The Scratch is lost."

"You don't know that for sure."

"Well what's more likely? That they made it out alive, got The Scratch, and are now flying towards us in a space ship with food and fun for everyone. Or that they died horrible deaths, leaving us to rot on this rock."

"If you really want to know what I think," Terezi reaches into her pocket and pulls out a coin, thumping you in the forehead with it. "It seems like a fifty-fifty chance to me."

You watch her go back to licking the wall, as everyone else goes to investigate your new base, that is if this black construct is even safe enough to call a base. With a heavy sigh you look down at Aradia's satchel, still clutched dumbly in your hand.

In the moment before her death, she'd tried to tell you something, something about Gamzee.

It's not exactly a confession, but you're too tired to worry about that right now. You'll take what you can get and run it by Terezi later once you've increased your level of patience once more and gotten a good night's sleep.

You stoop to pick up Terezi's coin. One side is scratched and the other is the picture of perfection. You wonder how much time she wastes in the morning, cleaning that particular side so that it glows in sharp contrast with the other. Probably too much.

Looking into the good side, you can see the stars reflected overhead.

"You better be coming, John." You throw the coin in the dirt, grab Terezi, and head inside.

**END OF DAY ONE.**

* * *

**I will start picking up the pace next chapter, jumping ahead in days and getting to the good stuff. Both Karkat's group on the meteor and John's group on the ship will have their own separate story-lines which should be pretty cool, at least until the meet up again around the end of this act.**

**One of the things I like about Homestuck (there are a lot of things. so many) is just the number of awesome characters. The source material is so rich and there are so many things and characters that I could write this whole story without creating one OC.**

**Well... except Kyle the imp. That dude is all mine.**

**So, for those who review what are you top five Homestuck characters in all of Homestuck? (I know it's hard to pick)**  
**Mine are:**  
**1. John (he's just so relatable. at least to me. I'm a sucker for the every-man.)**  
**2. Vriska (so complex and so awesome.)**  
**3. Rose (second half of my OTP. gothic witch with mommy issues.)**  
**4. Doc Scratch (omnipotent being only concerned with forwarding his own agenda. how do you defeat someone who knows everything?)**  
**5. Kyle the imp**

**Thanks for reading. Shout out to the long Author's Note, amirite?**  
**- Mike**


	31. ACT 4 - PART 3

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**Thanks to demonwindy, ObsessiveFanFictioner15, wisdom-of-me, cheezebuns , and A Dreaming Songbird (Mouse) for reviewing.**

**Warning: Lightning Round POV changes and rapid time-jumps.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

**DAY FIVE.**

You are John Egbert. Which means you're chilling with your new best pals.

"No, Ray. It's like this." You point to your chest. "Jooooohn. Say it with me: Joooohn."

"Blip! Blip!"

"No. That's not it at all." You sigh and rub your eyes with the heels of your hands.

"Blip. Blip! Blip."

"No, Egon. Put that down." You reach out and grab Jade's rifle out of Egon's hands. You wish you're your ecto-sister wouldn't leave it lying around like that.

The turtle appears to frown, having lost his new toy. You don't take any sympathy on him though, considering how shitty of a student he's being.

"It really isn't that hard guys. It's like one syllable." You point at Ray. "You are Ray." Then you point to yourself once more. "I am John. Jay, Aay, Ohh, Inn. John.

"More like Dee, You, Emm, Bee." Jade snorts from behind you. "Why are you still fooling around with those guys?"

"Oh, I dunno." You turn to see her leaning in the doorway. "Maybe because we'll be spending the rest of the foreseeable future within the same twenty square feet as them."

"This ship isn't that small, John."

"Well it _feels _that small." You turn back to your new friends. "I miss the sky."

"Well there's plenty of _space_," You don't have to look at Jade to know that she's winking. "Outside!"

"Stop with the puns, Jade. I don't know if I can take much more of that."

She sighs and flops down onto one of the cots. You're currently sitting Indian style in what was once the boy's dormitory, with the two LOLAR turtles lounging in front of you on the floor like a couple of pink throw rugs. You'd come in here to escape the silence of the rest of the ship, leaving Jade to fiddle with the Alchemiter, her new favorite pass time.

She'd actually gotten pretty good with that thing over the past couple of days, stocking up on food, making clothes, even setting up a mechanism near the front of the ship so that she could control it without going up to the top deck, a problem you'd both worried about the first day.

Apparently she's still too busy to make those spacesuits you asked for or fix your God Tier outfit. Bluh Bluh, Huge Yiff.

"Anyways, the reason I came down here is because I was crunching some numbers." She says, resting her head on her folded arms.

"And?"

"If we keep straight on this course with our current velocity, we should reach the meteor our friends are on in about one thousand one hundred and forty-two days, or just over three years."

You think you might want to cry.

"Oh." You say, watching your hands wrestle in your lap. "I see."

"Yeah…"

You look over at her to see that her eyes are unfocused. She's thinking about something, probably Dave or her Grandpa, or Rose, or Karkat, or Kanaya, or how awful these five days have already been. You look down at your twisted fingers again and then up towards the ceiling.

"We couldn't… go faster, or anything." You ask.

"We're already going as fast as we can." Her voice is muffled by the crook of her elbow.

Well drat. There go all of your ideas. You lean back on your arms, brainstorming ways to make the time go by faster. Eventually though, it's Jade who speaks first.

"So what are you doing, teaching the blip twins how to speak?" She asks, nodding towards your friends.

"Oh you mean, Ray and Egon?" You climb off the floor and sink onto the cot next to Jade. "Yeah, I thought I might as well, you know? They might have some interesting things to say."

"How do you know they are boys?"

"What?"

"You named them Ray and Egon. How do you know they are boys? They could be girls."

You look at the pair of turtles, examining them as they drowse lightly.

"Pssh. You're silly wiles aren't going to fool me, Jade. Don't try to make me second guess myself. Ray and Egon are totally dudes, just look at them."

"I am looking at them and you know what I see?" She smirks at you. "Pink, John. They're totally pink and pink is a girl color."

"You can't see colors anymore, Jade."

"Well I know what they're _supposed_ to look like."

"Fuh, whatever. And anyways that's sexist. Colors can't be defined by gender." You roll over onto your stomach and reach down to rub the Egon's shell. He grumbles happily. "And they are not pink. They're… lightish red."

You hear her cot groan subtly as she shifts on it.

"Totally pink." She chuckles.

You smile, even though she's totally wrong.

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

**DAY FOURTEEN.**

You are now Jade Harley. It's a jungle out there!

Or better yet: _on here_.

'_Here'_ as in your head.

Your head is a jungle. That's what you're trying to say.

You look into the mirror over your shoulder, watching the dark locks cascade down to your waist. You're hair has always been long, but has it always been… _this_ long? It's only been two weeks on this ship so it's not like your hairs grown too much. You suppose that you just haven't noticed it since the game began. You've been too busy to pay attention to such trivial things like your physical appearance.

But now…

Now you aren't busy at all.

You frown and pull your hair up, holding it above your head so that you can see what you would look like with shorter hair. You don't like it.

You need your hair long, or else you just look like another low budget Harry Potter impersonator, with your round glasses, sharp cheek bones, and stunning green eyes. Hell, all you're missing is a sick-ass scar and you've almost got yourself a wicked Halloween costume.

"If there ever is another Halloween, that is." You mutter quietly to yourself, watching your hair fall back into its original place.

The door creaks open behind you and you look in the mirror to see one of those stupid turtles poking his head in.

"Scam, Eric." You say, aiming a kick at him.

The turtle darts away even though he was never in any real danger. You'd never kick one of those guys. Once you get to know them, they're actually pretty nice, if a bit nosy.

You sigh, a little disappointed in yourself for being rude to Edgar, and head out of the bathroom. You pad down the hall, searching for John or something equally worthy of wasting your time with. You've fashioned some new clothes with the Alchemiter, a pair of comfy shorts and a t-shirt, just a little change of pace from your sweet God Tier duds.

You don't know if you got the colors right, not with your new eyesight, but John assured you that it looked fine, even though he does still stifle a chuckle whenever you enter the room. One of these days you'll get around to fixing his God Tier outfit. You think he'd like that.

"John?" You peek into the Alchemiter room. Nope, not there.

You continue on your path, thinking that he's in the boy's dormitory again. You'd all but moved your meager belongs in there with him, sleeping on one of the vacant cots and playing card games on the floor. It was essentially your new room, albeit without the awesome posters and collection of shrubbery and musical gear.

Man, you miss your old home and all the belongings that used to be in it.

The door to the dormitory swings open easily and you find it to be just as vacant as the Alchemiter room. With a sigh, you turn to leave, but stop when something catches your eye.

"What in the world?" You tip your head in confusion and walk over to John's bed.

Above his cot, on the wall, is one word written in dark grey ink. Although, it might be blue.

"_Idiot."_

You stare at it for a long while. Where did that come from? Was it one of John's pranks gone awry? Was this insult supposed to be written over your bed so as to rustle your jimmies when you woke up in the morning?

You reach out and wipe at it with your thumb. It doesn't fade. You try again, licking your finger for good measure, but only managed to smear it a bit. You wonder if maybe the turltles have actually managed to learn English, only pretending to be as illiterate as always just to get under John's skin.

His lessons have not been going well.

You resolve to give either Eddie or Ryan a good kick the next time you see one of them.

"That oughta teach them a lesson." You mutter and turn to leave in search of your ecto-brother once more.

You eventually find him in the kitchen. Well, you say _kitchen_, but it's more like a room with a fridge and a counter covered with chipped and dirty mugs. He's standing against the counter, holding one of the cups in his hand and staring at it with a strange sort of intensity.

"Hey." You knock twice on the door frame, causing him to jump. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." He says quickly, slamming the mug down on the counter. "Why? Did you wanna do something?"

"No. I was just looking for ya." You quirk your eyebrow at him. "Why are you acting so… shifty?"

"Shifty? Jade, I don't know what you're talking about." He grins and rubs the back of his neck. "Hey, are you hungry? I could go for some canned peaches right about now."

He brushes past you without waiting for an answer and you hear his footsteps trail off down the hall. You'll go after him in a second, since peaches actually do sound pretty good right now. For the time being though, you're moving over to the counter.

On a whim, you pick up the mug that he'd been holding. There's a stain on the rim, faded with age, and discolored by your new eyes. Still, you'd recognize that black lipstick anywhere.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

**DAY FIFTY-TWO**

You are once again John Egbert. Which means you're fifty percent of the only band left in the universe.

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Jade shrieks, slapping her bass with each number.

The amount of grist consumed to create these instruments, her bass and your keyboard, are nothing compared to the hours of jam sessions your band: "Ignorant Rhubarb and the Pretentious Jelly" have stashed under its belt.

You begin, throwing your fingers down upon the white and black keys, striking down the sickest of notes upon the most healthy of ears. Dave would be proud, you think. He's probably toss in some totally awesome raps right about…

"There's a port, on a western bay! And it serves a hundred ships a day! The lonely sailors! Pass the time away…"

Your fingers slip on the keys.

"Dammit, Jade! I told you we weren't going to play that song anymore!"

"Well you didn't say which one you wanted to play!"

"Any one! Literally _any one_, but that!"

Jade's eyebrows knit together dangerously.

"You know what?!" She pulls the strap of her bass over her head. "If you're going to be like that, fucking Roy can play bass."

She throws her guitar onto the cot next to your turtle.

"Okay, first off his name is _Ray_, for Gog's sake." You stand up, shoving your piano bench back. "And secondly, you know he doesn't have thumbs, bitch! How can you be so rude!?"

"I told _you_ to quit it with those stupid dog jokes!"

"That wasn't a dog joke! I legitimately called you a bitch!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you more!"

Jade bends down, grabs one of her shoes off the floor and hurls it at your head. You easily duck under it, turns out her shooting is a lot better than her throwing.

"I hate you, John!" She stamps her foot, fists clenched at her sides. "I hope you know that!"

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do!" She turns and kicks at the nearest cot, overturning it completely. "Don't you dare touch me, Edward!" She screams at a turtle as it approaches with his arms outstretched. "Don't you touch me!"

"Leave Egon alone. He just wants to help."

"Well he can't help!" Jade wheels back on you. "He can't beat this fucking game for us! He can't get us off this ship! He can't even talk like a god-dammed human being! You know why, John?! Because he's useless and stupid and Dave's probably already forgotten about him!"

The room falls deathly silent.

Jade slumps down to onto the overturned cot and begins to cry. You're too stunned to do anything, let alone move to comfort her. Her back is turned to you now and all you do is stand there like an idiot and watch her shoulders rise and fall with over fifty days of held in sobs.

You should say something, anything to make her stop crying. You could tell her that you feel the same, or that you understand what she's going through. Hell, if anyone can relate, you can.

The words don't come out though. Instead you muster the wherewithal to just sit down next to her and wrap your long arms around her rather thin shoulders.

"I'm sorry." Jade says, angrily wiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry."

Her arm comes around your back and grabs a fistful of your shirt.

"It's okay."

After a few minutes of hugging and crying and awkward turtles standing off to the side, Jade stands back up. Her eyes are red behind her glasses and her dog ears and drooping to her forehead. You don't say anything and neither does she.

"Are you ready?" You ask, clambering back up and over to your piano bench.

"Yeah." She turns her bass up louder than ever. You don't complain. The noise is nice.

"Okay, here we go."

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!"

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

**DAY ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SEVEN.**

You are Jade Harley for the second time in one chapter. I know, right?! It's crazy!

"Come on!" You shake your controller like you're mixing a martini for James Bond. "Come on, you stupid thing!"

"Calm down." John grumbles from his position on the sofa. "You're already winning."

"I don't care." You almost leap off the ground as you steer around a tight turn. "I'm going for the best score now."

"But you already have the best…

"Whoooo!" You actually leap into the air as you cross the finish line. "Suck it, Egbert." You race over to your ecto-brother and shove your controller against his cheek. "Suck my racecar dick!"

"Stop." John shoves you away and rips the controller out of your hand. "You're going to break it again."

You flop down onto the sofa, giddy with another victory and sugary drinks. John moves to go turn off the game console and carefully wrap up the controllers, before resting them on the furniture.

"Gosh, Bro." You grin at his back. "I had no idea you were such a sore loser."

"I'm not being a sore loser. You just get waaaay to into this shit for it to be healthy." He finishes storing away the games and turns back to you. "Were you like this when we used to play online?"

"Oh yeah, my grandpa was always coming upstairs and telling me to shut up." You giggle at the memory. "We should try and make another console, you know? It would be so sweet to set up a LAN party."

"Just the two of us?"

"Fuh, you can invite the turtles if you want, I guess." You throw your legs over the back of the sofa, so that you can look at John upside down. "I just don't want another repeat of Monopoly Night."

"I thought we weren't going to talk about it anymore, especially since Monopoly Night was clearly _your_ fault."

"Whatever."

"Yeah, _whatever_." John mocks. He turns and stalks towards the kitchen.

You quickly roll backwards onto the floor and scamper after him.

"So yeah, consoles. I'm thinking something less than forty years old this time." You catch up to him easily.

"The SNES is not forty years old."

"It might as well be. I can't even tell what's going on half the time, the graphics are so shitty."

"And yet you still win." John opens the fridge and pulls out a carton of juice and you leap up next onto the counter next to him.

"Well that's just my natural gamer skill filtering through the miserable taste you have for video games."

"Top Gear is totally the best game of all time and that's all there really is to say on the matter."

"Yeah and I'm a flying spaghetti monster."

"I wouldn't doubt it." John pours himself a glass and ends up spilling the majority of his first sip down his chin, or more accurately his magnificent beard.

You'd noticed stubble on his face well before the showdown on LOLAR. John had been shaving since he was fourteen, and shaving regularly since he turned sixteen. Now, at the cusp of adulthood, he'd been without a good razor for months and the results were clear to be seen.

"You need a haircut." You say, watching him mop himself up.

"Like you're one to talk."

"I'm not making fun of you, John. I really mean it. I could cut your hair for you, if you wanted."

He seems a little wary.

"I don't know."

"Well it's not like you're going to groom yourself." You gesture towards him. "Exhibit A."

John leans against the fridge, sipping his juice and thinking quite hard about your proposition.

"I've been meaning to alchemize a razor." He admits after a while, running a hand through his dark hair. "But I just haven't gotten around to it."

"Well what else have you been doing? It's not like you have anything else going on to keep you busy."

"You know full and well that I've been working my ass off keeping this place clean." He nods around the room. "Exhibit A."

"I've been helping with that."

"You call leaving your crap all over the place helping?" He asks with mock incredulity. "Ray has better hygiene than you and he's _literally_ an animal."

"Hygiene is different than organized, John. I'm about as clean as they come." You brush your hands through your own silky hair for emphasis, wincing when you encounter a powerful knot. "And, sure, I'll admit that I can be a little forgetful with my things."

"I found a fifty caliber sniper rifle in the shower."

"That could have been anybody's." You rock on the counter, snorting with laughter. "And if you want to talk about annoyances, try you blaring your stupid music at four-o-clock in the morning."

John slams his cup down on the counter, sloshing a bit of juice onto the floor.

"You did not just insult Norman Greenbaum."

"I think I just did."

He squeezes his eyes shut and turns from you quickly.

"Deep breathes." He says. "Forgive her Mr. Greenbaum, she know not what she do."

"Oh give me a break."

"And by the way, time's completely relative up in space." He points out. "It could be four-o-clock in the morning right now and we wouldn't even know."

"Ugh, don't remind me." You slide off the counter.

One of the hardest things those first few weeks was the drastic shift in your biological clock. It took a lot of time for your sleeping schedule to regulate, but even now you find yourself staying up for over twenty-four hours at a time and sleeping in for almost forty-eight.

You grab John by the sleeve and start tugging him towards the door.

"Come on. Let's go watch a movie or something. I might even be persuaded into sitting through Bangkok Dangerous again."

"That movie is a tragic masterpiece and you know it."

"Agree to disagree, John." You say, pulling harder. "Agree to disagree."

Once you've got him out in the hall, he starts to resist.

"Hold on a sec. I'm gonna go check up on Ray and Egon." He says, trying to wriggle away.

"They're fine, probably just sleeping again." You tighten your grip on him. "Just come on, John. I wanna race you to the couch."

He groans and rolls his eyes. He's gotten pretty good at that actually, almost enough to give Rose Lalonde a run for her money. Hell, maybe even Karkat too if you ever see him again.

No. Stop with those treacherous thoughts. It's unconstructive.

"Just go get it started. I'll be there in a sec." He tugs out of your grasp and darts down the hall towards your room.

You frown when he leaves. If there's one thing you hate more than being stuck on this ship with him, it's being stuck on this ship _without _him. The walls seem infinitely tighter and the lights are like miniature suns burning your skin with their searing hot beams.

Okay, maybe you're exaggerating, but still. Being alone, like you are right now, is probably when you hate your situation the most. For a second, you consider going after him and tagging along, but then again, you're right next to the game room now and it does make sense for you to get the movie ready for when he gets back.

With heavy feet and a heavy heart, you trudge into the game room. Well, you say '_game room'_, but it's more of your '_everything room'_ at the moment. You're instruments along with your band flag are tucked into the corner. (You'd argued with John about that for ages.)

"_Bands don't have flags, Jade."_

"_Well ours does!"_

You grin and run your fingers fondly over the fabric. Against the wall is a television, hooked up with all the different crap that you could imagine and make with the Alchemiter. Including, but not limited to: a Super Nintendo and a semi-operational VHS player. That's actually all you have.

It turns out that game consoles are really hard to make. That doesn't stop you from wanting to try though.

You sit down on the floor in front of the television, your usual spot when playing games or watching flicks, and pull John's special box of movies into your lap. It's a truly terrible collection of Nic Cage and Bruce Willis films that honestly make you want to throw whenever John suggests watching one of them.

Your own movie selection, consisting of one film: "Sky High" featuring Kurt Russell, is tucked away at the very bottom. For a second, you consider swapping out Bangkok Stupid for Sky High and seeing if you can get though the opening credits without John noticing, but decide against it.

You're above such childish exploits.

With the awful movie in hand, you crawl over to the VCR, ready to start a half an hour of suck, when suddenly… you're in the air.

"What the…" You begin, but are unable to finish when you abruptly come crashing back down again to the floor.

Bangkok Dangerous bounces out of your hand to shatter on the floor, (good riddance) and the whole ship rocks once more, sending you sliding into the couch. The walls groan, your bass nosily _clangs_ when it hits the floor, and you're screaming like a blonde bimbo in a B grade horror film.

"John!" You grab the sofa tightly as the ship tilts the opposite direction.

The far wall races to meet you and you quickly pull yourself onto the couch cushions to avoid becoming an adorable Jade Harley pancake. You hear an all too satisfying and familiar _crunch_ as what is mostly likely John's precious SNES suffers a cruel and untimely end.

You aren't about to stick around and investigate though. There's some serious shit going down right now.

You leap off the sofa and sprint towards the door, ricocheting off the doorframe when the ship suddenly takes a sharp ninety degree turn. Stumbling over your own feet, you perform a nasty spill onto the floor and _crack _your chin on the ground.

"Ow." You mumble, scrambling on all fours towards the nearest wall.

The ship is jostling from side to side as if fighting its way through a high tide and you feel safest, flattened against the nearest vertical surface. You put your hand to your chin and feel the sickening warm wetness of fresh blood.

"Fuck this ship!" You grab onto a light fixture on the wall and pull yourself forward. "Fuck this game!" You reach out for the next one. "And fuck you, John! Where the hell are… AAAGURAH!"

You shriek in surprise when a pair of arms wrap around your middle.

"Agurah?" John repeats in your ear.

"Shut up. You scared me, fuckass."

The ship rocks again, but you're safe from anymore head bashing now that you're floating in John's arms near the center of the hallway. He bobs on a current of air, carrying you aloft towards the front of the ship.

"Any idea what's going on?" He asks as he takes you around a corner.

"No clue. But once we get up to the control room, we can at least see what's happening outside." You hear loud _bang_ and the ship jolts sharply again. "Where are Roger and Edwin?"

"Okay, you have got to be joshin me now. You should at least know what their names are at this point."

"I don't care what you call them! Are they safe or not?!"

"Yeah. I put them in the closet, don't worry." He slows down as you reach the control room. "Open the doors and I'll fly us through."

You lash out and kick the doors open in a single strike.

"Whoa! Maybe I was a master kick boxer in another life?" You say once John floats that pair of you inside.

"Maybe. Or maybe they were already unlocked."

"Don't you take this from me." You touch down in front of the controls and jam a button that opens up the front porthole. The retractable cover opens with a metallic _hiss_, giving you a clear view into open space. "Oh, shit!"

You grab the steering wheel and yank it to the left as hard as you can, pulling the ship out of the way of another incoming asteroid. Apparently you've unwittingly allowed your ship to fly headlong into a field of asteroids.

"There are meteors out here?!" John yells, floating somewhere over your shoulder. "Are any of them Rose and Dave's?"

"No! We aren't even close to bumping into their meteor yet!" You shoot back. "And of course there are asteroids out here! We are in space, aren't we?!"

John groans.

"I'm so done trying to understand anything about this game."

Another asteroid fills the porthole and you steer upwards, trying your absolute best to clear it.

"Come on." The wheel shakes under your fingers as the giant space rock quickly approaches. "Come on, you stupid thing!"

Your space craft rattles again as the hull collides with the asteroid. You would have crashed into the ceiling then if you weren't clutching the wheel in a death grip. As it were, you hear John slam into the roof behind you.

"You okay?" You ask, not taking your eyes off the blackness ahead of you. "I think I can get us out here if I keep us going straight. John? John, what the…"

You glance over your shoulder to see that he's lying motionless on the floor.

"Oh no." You look from him, to the wheel, and then to the remaining asteroids blocking your path. "Get up, John!"

You turn the wheel quickly to your left and you hear his body slide limply across the ground.

"John you better not be dead! If you are… If you are then I'm going to beat the shit out of you!"

He doesn't respond.

"UGH!"

You pilot between the last two space rocks and level out the ship. Only then do you turn and drop to your knees, grabbing John roughly by the lapels.

"Wake up!" You shake him and his head lolls back uselessly on a broken neck. With another angry screech, you pull him to your chest and feel the blood on your chin mingle with the blood leaking from his scalp, down his forehead. "You stupid, stupid idiot. Don't leave me alone."

He'll come back. He has to. You haven't heard of a more un-heroic death than bumping your big, stupid, windy, leader-ly head on the ceiling. Right now though, you are alone, with a dead and cold ecto-brother, steadily shrinking walls, and an impossible expanse of stars, stretching out ahead into oblivion.

* * *

**I hope the time jumps don't get confusing. I'm planning on doing alternating chapters between John's group and Karkat's group, with each group having their own stories moving parallel on the same timeline. Again, I really hope that no one gets confused Lol. But then again, I really should give you guys more credit. The comic is waaaay more complicated than this crap.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	32. ACT 4 - PART 4

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

**Thanks to A Dreaming Songbird and Kuroi Kage X (who notices all the references. all of them.) for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

**DAY TWO.**

You are Rose Lalonde.

You are currently dancing, quite skillfully you might add, across the deck of a golden, flying ship.

"_I think Casey would be a good name." _Your partner, John, says cheerfully.

"_Hmmm."_ You hum thoughtfully in response, watching as Dave dances nearby with another version of himself.

"_Do you think Casey would be a good name?"_ John asks as he takes you into an impressive dip.

"_For whom?" _You've just realized that you have no idea what he is talking about.

John looks at you, confusion spreading across his face, mixing with gentle mirth.

"_Wow. 'For whom' she says." _He spins you. _"For our daughter, of course."_

You look down to see that your stomach is swollen to comical proportions.

"_Oh, yes. Of course." _You can't help but smile at that. _"How forgetful of me."_

You and John are now sitting at a table, about to eat dinner.

"_More wine?"_ The waitress asks.

"_That would be lovely." _You say, unperturbed by the sudden change of scenery, or the fact that the next table is home to a couple of Horrorterrors eating a heavily frosted cake.

Kanaya bends down and pours more wine into your glass. You smile at her because she does look rather gorgeous in a tie. Your Matesprit leans in close, holding the bottle over your glass as pretense to whisper in your ear.

"_Enjoying your date?"_ She scoffs, nodding over towards John. He doesn't appear to have heard Kanaya's words. In fact, he's not even at your table. He's across the room, dining with a lasciviously curved girl with eight eyes and a robotic arm.

"_It's not what it looks like." _You appeal to Kanaya, equally hushed as if John might hear from so far away. _"We are enjoying an evening out as friends, nothing more."_

Kanaya shakes her head, more sad than bitter now.

"_Tell that to Casey." _She chokes back a sob, turns and runs from the table.

You reach out for Kanaya, her name on your lips, but stop when you see that someone is now sitting in John's vacated seat. It's a young girl, with horrible teeth, short blonde hair, and the bluest eyes you've ever seen.

"_Glub."_ She says.

You nod, because she raises and good point, and look down at your menu.

"_Wait a minute."_ You say, squinting down at the words. _"I can't read this. It's is just a load of gibberish, unmitigated poppycock, and gobbledy gook."_

It hits you then, like a train crashing into a school bus full of elderly war veterans. The most awful thing that you can imagine.

"_This is a dream."_ You realize and look over the menu to see that the girl is gone, along with the entire restaurant.

You are floating in a black abyss, similar to the limbo you experienced during the short amount of time you spent dead whilst becoming God Tier. There is nothing but your own harsh breathing and the soft glow of your orange robes in the pitch blackness.

There's a dull _whoosh_ of air from somewhere over your shoulder and you turn to investigate. Out of the darkness looms a face, skin of green, flashing eyes which resemble that of billiard balls, and teeth sharp enough to tear through your fragile skin and bone like paper.

"Rose?"

You wake up to find that Kanaya is looming over you, shaking you gently.

"H- Hello." You say dumbly, looking up at her.

"Hello, indeed." She smiles down at you. "Bad dream?"

You put a hand to your forehead, wiping away some of the sweat that had accumulated there.

"I would seem so. Nothing to worry about however." You sit up and rub at your eyes. "It has been a rather eventful few days, hasn't it? I would be more disturbed if I _wasn't _having strange dreams."

"What were these dreams about?"

"The first one was… stupid. Just pointless drivel." You wave your hand, as if you can physically bat away the vivid memory. "The second one was just your typical…"

You trail off. Your eyes have just caught something across the room on the wall.

"Rose?" Kanaya queries as you jump to your feet. "Rose, what is it?"

The temple that you'd found on the meteor was simply one large room, devoid of anything save for a few crumbled stone statues and a mural on the largest wall. It was uncomfortable sleeping on the flat floor over night, but being the only structure you've found so far on this space rock, it's currently home.

Right now, you're approaching the aforementioned mural, the only semblance of decoration in this place.

"Ow! Watch it, Lalonde." Karkat grumbles, still half asleep, when you accidentally tread on him. "Jegus, where's the fire?"

You don't pause to answer. You leap over a sleeping Equius and slap your palm against the wall, feeling the coarse, dark stone and the chipped paint of the mural underneath your fingertips.

"This was it." You say, tapping the wall with your knuckle.

"This was _what_?" Kanaya must have followed you.

"This was the face that I saw in my dream." You run your hands over every inch of the mural that you can reach. "It's a little different, but it's undoubtedly the same one."

The mural depicts two beings, one male and one female. Both have green skin and pointed teeth, although they're missing the billiard ball eyes and the overall menacing persona. On their cheeks are odd spiral symbols, almost like blushes, and around each of their right ankles is a chain, connecting one to the other.

"You saw these creatures in your dream?" Kanaya asks.

"No, just the face." You step back to examine them more fully. "What are these aliens, Kanaya? Are they a different type of troll?"

"No. I've never seen anything like these before." She rubs her chin thoughtfully. "Whoever they were though, it's possible that they built this temple or that it was built in their honor. There are many different civilizations all throughout the universe, Rose, some lost with time."

"But we are not in the universe that we know. We are in this game." You once again indicate the mural. "These have to be former players and this" You turn and gesture around the inside of the temple. "Has to have been their base of operations."

"I don't know if the game works like that. Can relics from past sessions even be left over like this?"

"You guys are here in our session." You point out. "And if all goes to plan with The Scratch, then we will be influencing a third session."

"If all goes to plan." Kanaya repeats slowly. "Rose, I do not wish to be _'that'_ girl, but what really makes you think that anything will go _'to plan'_? There's a high possibility that both John and Jade are dead, and that it's now up to us to…"

"I'm going to stop you right there." You raise a hand to silence her. "John and Jade are not dead. They are coming to get us and bringing The Scratch along with them."

"How can you be so sure?"

You shrug, secretly knowing full well the honest to god answer. You and John, no matter how unlikely it may seem or how much you deny it, are tied together cosmically. He'll come to you, one way or another.

"I just have a feeling." You say. "Let's call it a sixth sense awarded by my new role as Seer of Light."

Kanaya scrutinizes you quizzically for a moment.

"Alright then. Whatever you say." She frowns and turns back to the wall. "So about this old civilization, you're saying that it's possible for another session to have come before ours."

You examine the mural once more and then turn to look at the mosaic of human and troll, spread out across the floor in various stages of sleep. You think and John and Jade, and hope with all of your shriveled up heart that they are indeed, on their way.

"I really think that anything is possible nowadays, Kanaya."

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

**DAY SEVEN.**

You are now Karkat Vantas. And contrary to popular belief, you are in fact capable of having fun, enjoying life, and going five minutes without yelling at someone.

However, popular belief is not called _'popular belief'_ for shits and giggles. Most of the time you're an impatient, cynical, angry asshole.

Like right now.

"I swear to Gog, Terezi, if you touch me with that thing again, I am going to take it and shove it up your waste chute." You take a swipe at Terezi as she skips away.

"I'd like to see you try that, Nubs. Hehehe." She's twirling one of Rose's wands between her nimble fingers. "Why don't you meet me behind the grey rock outside at seven-o-clock and we can call it a date?"

"I'd rather date the fucking rock!"

Your words go unappreciated though, as she shrieks with laughter once more and darts away, out of sight. Grumbling, you turn back to the task at hand.

"You know that by reacting to her antics, you only encourage her to act out more." Equius says, sagely.

"Don't lecture me, sweaty." You growl in reply. "Pass me that screwdriver."

He hands it over and you start fiddling with the piece of Alchemiter in your lap. Spread out over the ground between you and Equius, are heaps and heaps of complicated mechanisms and little nuts and bolts.

The night of your second day on the meteor, you had used Rose's headband-computer to spawn in an Alchemiter, with the hopes of amassing some much needed, simple goods. It had been a good plan, reasonable by anyone's standards. By the sixth day, it was broken.

"_I'm sorry."_ Mrs. Lalonde had pleaded. _"I thought it was a washing machine."_

"_Rose! Control your lusus!"_ You had raged. _"Keep her away from anything fragile and necessary for our continued survival!"_

The whole machine had to be taken apart and scrubbed. Now the reassembling process was well underway.

"Hey," You finish tightening the last screw. "Tell me if this looks right."

You shove the component off your lap and slide if over to Equius. He palms it, much like a basketball player would a basket ball, and raises it to his eyes.

"Perfect." He booms, placing the mechanism softly on the ground. "At this rate, we'll have this thing up and running in no time at all."

"Gog, I hope so." You take a break, leaning back on your arms with a sigh. It's quiet inside the temple at the moment, with everyone out performing various tasks. Faintly, you can hear Terezi cackling about something outside and Nepeta mewling in return. "You know, Equius. Sometimes I think that you and I are the only sane people left."

"The humans are fair companions." He doesn't look up from a mass of wires he's reconnecting. "Just last night Rose read me an excerpt of a book she's been writing and Dave always has a radical rhyme to, excuse me, _'drop on our deprived asses'."_

He finishes the last of that sentence with air quotes.

"If you think that the humans are cool then maybe I was wrong at you." You admit. "Maybe _I_ am the only sane one around here."

"I would have thought that you would have learned to respect the humans by now."

"Respect is one thing, disliking is one thing, but it takes time to develop true hatred for someone." You gesture around the room. "And now we've got nothing but time. If we somehow last another week without killing one another, I'll be very surprised."

"I still do not understand why you're so intent on hating what's left of our group." He looks up for the first time. "Isn't it more important now than ever to work together?"

"You want a reason." You lean forward. "I'll give you a hundred of them." You start counting on your finger so you don't lose track. "Rose is always bitching about how horrible her mother is, when that woman has done nothing but lie around, talk non-stop, and break stuff on occasion. Normal parent behavior. Where are all these passive aggressive taunts Rose keeps mentioning behind her back?"

"Maybe that's some human way of thinking that we don't understand, a cultural barrier?"

"No. If you ask me, Rose got this idea in her head that her mother is evil, when really she's just your regular everyday adult female guardian." You tap your head for emphasis. "These kids have messed up brains, I'm telling you."

"You can't pass judgment like that. It's only been a week, Karkat."

"It's been waaaay more than a week. I've had to put up with Rose and Kanaya smooching it up all over the place since the fucking Jive and don't even get me started on Dave Strider and his stupid face." You grind your knuckles into your other palm. "Oh the wet dreams I've had where I finally smash my fist into those ridiculous shades of his."

Equius stares at you for a moment, his face calm and a little saddened almost.

"You're jealous." He says after a while.

Well, you didn't see that coming.

"What the hell are you talking about?" You demand.

"You're upset that Kanaya is spending so much time with Rose." He shrugs and turns back to his ball of wires. "It's understandable, you and her were once best friends at some point, after all."

"What do you mean _'once best friends'_ and _'at some point'_?! We still are best friends! She gives me status updates and reports every day!"

"That's a co-worker, Karkat. When's the last time you've truly spent time with Kanaya?"

You wrack your brains, already preparing your victory speech after you silence Equius with a well thought-out example. However, nothing comes to mind.

"Fucking shit. When did you become so insightful?" You rub your forehead.

"Just because one does not talk, does not mean he is not listening."

"Shut up."

"Okay."

You lapse into silence for a while, just listening to the sounds of Terezi and Nepeta playing outside and the gentle _clink clink_ as Equius works. Eventually, he disobeys your direct order to _'shut up'_ and speaks anyway.

"I heard about Aradia." He says quietly.

"What do you mean? Are you saying that you heard she was dead? Whoops spoiler alert. That's old news dude, you were kind of there when it happened."

"That's not what I'm talking about. I know full well that she is dead."

"Then what?"

"I heard…" He sweats for a moment. "I heard you and Terezi talking about her. Is it true that you think she killed Gamzee?"

Oh right, _that_ news about Aradia. True to your intentions, you'd cornered Terezi that first night on the meteor. After making it clear that you had no intention to pail her, you'd told her what Aradia's last words were to you were. You'd both agreed that it was as close to a confession that you were going to get.

There puts that topic to rest once and for all.

"It seems so." You nod. "She mentioned his name before she died. I think… I think she was sorry about it, in her last moments, you know?"

There's a heavy _thump_ as Equius drops his wires on the ground.

"Excuse me." He says, getting to his feet.

In an instant, you're up and grabbing the front of his shirt. Sweat wrings out of it and oozes through your fingers and you instantly regret your decision.

"Why the change in mood, Equius?" You demand, wiping your hands on your sweater. "Is there something you know that I don't?"

He gapes at you.

"Wh- what mare, I mean, _are_ you talking about?" He stammers, taking a step back. "I know nothing mane, I mean, _more_ than you. I'm just… upset that Aradia is dead."

"And you're just now getting worked up over it? That was a week ago!"

"Some people processes grief differently than you, Karkat." He brushes some of his long hair off his forehead. "I happen to have trouble dealing with my emotions. Now, if you'll excuse me."

He turns and walks away, leaving you to spend the next few seconds staring after him. Everything he'd just said to you had been utter horseshit. You know for a fact that he spent the first night crying and moaning her name in his sleep like a total pussy. Something set him off, something that was a combination of Aradia and Gamzee.

With a groan, you reach up and start pulling at your hair. Looks like you're going to have to dust off your detective hat and badge, because this case just got re-opened.

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

**DAY TEN.**

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too. As everyone else is worried about their relationships crumbling to pieces, you're actually working to build a new relationship from scratch.

"So let me get this straight, _'Rose' _is a nickname?" You say, wonder in your eyes and sibling rivalry in your heart.

"Yes, of course." Mrs. Lalonde slaps you on the arm playfully. "Her real name is… oh, I shouldn't say. She'd be ever so upset with me if I did."

You lean so far forward in your chair, you're half worried that the furniture will collapse onto itself, introducing your face to the hard stone floor.

"It's okay if you tell me." You nod vigorously. "It will be our little secret. I promise."

Your ecto-sister's real name must be something super stupid if it's this hard to coax it out of either one of the Lalonde's. Oh the teasing you'll accomplish once you've figured it out. Rose is going to need a life supply of aloe vera to get rid of all the burns you're gonna send her way.

"No, no, no." Mrs. Lalonde waves her hands in front of her, although her lips are drawn up in a wide smile, flashing dozen's of sparkling teeth. "I mustn't say. The teenage angst-ridden fallout would be atrocious."

"Fuh," You flop back in your chair. "Come on, Mrs. L. If you tell me then I'll make it worth your while. I'll take one of these grey rocks and carve a wizard statue for you. You like that shit, right?"

"I'm afraid bribes won't work on me, no matter how much they appeal to my specific tastes." She grins again. "How did you know that I like wizards, David?"

"Rose told me."

"Hmmm. She certainly does seem to have talked about me quite a lot to her friends. Forgive me if I'm slow on the uptake, but you are her… brother, correct?"

"Something like that."

"And that would make you…" She gestures between you and herself repeatedly. "My son?"

"Genetically speaking." You smirk. "Are we all clear now? Can I call you mom yet?"

"Oh, yes of course!" She jumps up and tosses her arms around your neck, smushing her large bosom against your chest. "You can call me whatever you like!"

"Rock n' roll. Good times. Beach party." You say, a little shaky. "So, uh… what's Rose's real name?"

Mrs. Lalonde pulls away, laughing loudly once more and sinking back into her own chair.

"One track mind, I see. You truly are Rose's brother." She wipes an imaginary tear away from her eye. "I'm afraid I still cannot say."

"Aw, shit. Come on, Mom. Can you at least give me a hint?"

Her face flushes crimson when you call her _'mom'_ and for a second, you think you've got her beat.

"If she doesn't want to tell you, then she doesn't want to tell you." Old man Harley chimes in from across the room. He's sitting with a pipe in his hand, puffing up smoke like a freshman in college huffs paint. "Used to be young chaps like you would know when to keep their nose out of other's people's business. It wasn't like this when I was a kid."

"You know what, Harley." You lean back in your chair. "Old men like you have said that exact same thing throughout all of time. Then guess what, the old men die and the world just keeps on spinning."

"My point exactly," He jams a finger in your direction. "No respect for anyone, but themselves. My Jade doesn't behave like you do, that's for sure."

"Have to agree with you there. Jade is a bonafide saint, a paragon of virtue, the genuine article. She's ten times the person I'll ever be." You sigh and find your gaze fixed upon the floor. "That also means that she could do ten times better than me."

"No arguments there. In fact, I intend to have a lengthy discussion with her about men and relationships when she finally gets here."

"Don't tell me you've never dropped the birds and the bees on her before."

Harley gets uncomfortable, shifting in his chair and refocusing on his pipe.

"I can't say that I have. The time's… never been exactly right, you see?"

You roll your eyes towards the heavens, that certainly explains a lot about you and Jade's sex life. The night before the big battle on LOLAR, you and she had snuck away from a quick make out session, which had ended with a smile and a pat on the knee.

Seriously, what the fuck. You've more than reached the age where certain things are expected after a fierce make out sess. You would have thought that, growing up on the internet, Jade would have found _something_ about that particular topic.

"You can't shelter them forever." Mrs. Lalonde wags her finger disapprovingly. "You've got to toss them out of the nest so that they can learn to fly on their own."

"Bird metaphor." You nod appreciatively. "Nice."

"Thank you." Mrs. Lalonde smiles once more, but then suddenly, leans forward closer to you. "Can I pick your brain for a moment, David?"

"Sure, mom."

A light giggle, then:

"My Rose sure does spend a lot of time with that alien girl, doesn't she?" She folds her hands in her lap and tilts her head curiously. "Are they friends?"

Oh… oh no. It hits you like a train crashing into a school bus full of bodacious babes, ferrying crates of apple juice. The most awful thing you can imagine.

Rose hasn't told her mom about Kanaya.

"They are… close." You say, carefully.

As much as you like to pick on Rose, there's no way you'll be the one to divulge this information to her mother. You'd much rather _that_ inevitable discussion happened as far away from you as possible.

"I see." Mrs. Lalonde responds lightly. "Well it's good to have friends, certainly in a time like this, am I right?"

"Without a doubt." You cheer, inwardly burning with confusion.

Why hadn't Rose said anything yet? She's been in a Matespritship with Kanaya for a while now. Surely that's something you tell your own mother. Don't girls usually have long, deep, feel-ridden talks about this crap?

As much as you'd like to stay out of it, your mind races with questions. The Rose you knew always did whatever she could to spite her mother. She was never embarrassed or ashamed about any of her friends or hobbies. Mrs. Lalonde doesn't seem like the type to discriminate against aliens or even lesbian, vampire, fashion-minded aliens.

So… why hasn't Rose said anything yet?

* * *

= Be Terezi Pyrope

**STILL DAY TEN.**

You are now Terezi Pyrope.

"Are you sure that you want to do this, Nubs?" You ask, reaching out and grabbing hold of Karkat's sweater.

"Of course I am. Why are you even asking that?" He responds, trying to shake you off.

"Because we _don't_ have to do this. We could turn around now and just let this particular topic die along with everyone that was involved."

You can't see Karkat's face for obvious reasons, but you can tell that from his increased breathing rate, that he's getting upset.

"You didn't see how nervous he got when I talked about Aradia and Gamzee. He's hiding something. Maybe he did it or maybe he knows who did it, either way we need to talk to him."

For a second, you consider telling him to stop worrying about it. That it's been ages since Gamzee died and ages since you'd questioned all your suspects. Hell, it's even been ages since you supposedly put this case to rest.

It's almost like he doesn't want to let it go.

You decide that even if this is just another one of Karkat's self-destructive exploits, you're going to ride it out with him until the very end.

"Alright," You shift your hand to his shoulder. "Lead the way, partner."

He takes you into the temple, your current base of operations. As the environment transitions from dull grey to vibrant ebony, you chuckle at an earlier conversation you had with Dave.

"_What the fuck is it with this game and temples?" _He'd exclaimed. _"They're all over the place! There was one in LOHAC and LOFAF and now there's one on this stupid meteor. Like, what's the deal?"_

"_Maybe this game only knows how to create certain buildings?"_ You'd offered helpfully. _"There are a lot of castles too, you know?"_

"_Yeah, but why is there a temple out here? We're like a million miles away from the four lands."_

You had shrugged.

"_I don't know, Dave. Maybe it was put here for us to find. Everything happens for a reason."_

Does everything happen for a reason though? Is all of this just some plan defined by a higher being? You don't know for sure, but if that's the case, said higher being has a sick sense of humor.

Karkat leads you across the temple floor, pass Dave, Harley, and Mrs. Lalonde, and finally to Equius and Nepeta. The pair of Moirails are currently lounging together, playing a human card game that involves a lot of shouting.

"Ha! Solitaire bitch!" Nepeta sings, and then notices you and your partner. "Oh, hi, Karkitty. Hi, Terezi."

"Scram, Nala." Karkat thrusts a thumb over his shoulder. "Terezi and I are going to have a chat with Equius for a moment.

Nepeta looks between her Moirail and Karkat for a moment, before shrugging and getting up to abandon her cards. As she scampers away, trailing her long coat and ridiculous blue tail behind her.

Karkat waits all of three seconds before he wheels on his suspect.

"Start talking Equius, did you fake your coma and slip away while we weren't looking to take care of Gamzee?" Karkat doesn't waste any time. You can tell that he's pissed by the hushed quality of his voice.

Equius stands up, rising to his full height, which is incidentally enough, is two heads bigger than Karkat. Your fingers wrap around your cane a little tighter. Good thing you alchemized another one of these things. It might come in handy in a second.

"I did not kill Gamzee." He states plainly. "There is no honor in killing a sleeping victim and although he was going to kill me, I understood that he was not in his right mind."

"Well then why did you freak the hell out when I said that Aradia did it?"

Sweat starts to pour off Equius in waves. The stench fills your nostrils, impacting upon you just how uncomfortable Equius is with this particular topic.

"That was days ago, Karkat. I barely remember why I brought it up then. I… I just…" He dabs himself with a towel and tries to speak again. "I didn't do it, Karkat. I swear. And neither did Aradia."

You inhale deeply, breathing in Equius's bitter scent and the subtle undertones of lush grass.

"Well," Karkat throws his hands in the air. "Who did!"

You answer because Equius never will.

"Isn't it obvious, Karkat. It's been under our noses this whole time." You sigh, ruefully. "It was Nepeta."

* * *

**Haha, you guys thought Grimdorks was sunk? I guess you really don't know me at all... :/**

**Next time on John: Try to Understand, Karkat and his group are forced to make a decision about one of their own, while John catches up with an old friend.**

**I listen to music when I write, therefore I have certain songs that I associate with certain ships.**  
**Such as:**  
**Dave/Jade: Laser Beams by Wintersleep**  
**John/Rose: Demons by Imagine Dragons; Video Games by Lana Del Rey; Calculation Theme by Metric**  
**John/Vriska: Headsick by July Talk; Youth by Daughter**  
**Rose/Kanaya: Take Me Anywhere by Tegan and Sara**

**So for those who review: Have you heard these songs? What do you think? What songs do you associate with ships or Homestuck in general? I'm more curious than anything else.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	33. ACT 4 - PART 5

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

**Thanks to demonwindy, A Dreaming Songbird, cheezebuns, Squishy002, wisdom-of-me, and IrishPyromaniac for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

**STILL DAY ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SEVEN.**

You are John Egbert. Which means you've just suffered a terrible accident and are now once again… you guessed it folks: **DEAD AS ALL FUCK**

"Seriously, screw this game and screw my screwy life." You say, bobbing on a current of void wind.

You'll come back to life soon of course. You just hope that Jade, Ray, Egon, and the ship are still in one piece when you get there.

As it turns out, the afterlife is just as dark as it always was, although you're quick to notice that there are now buildings all over the place, and not just that, there's actual physical land too. You see a desert-y biome directly beneath you, a large fishbowl-looking thing with a castle inside of it in the distance, and beyond that there's a giant apartment complex painted the most ostentatious shade of red you've ever seen.

You wonder where all this stuff came from. Is it another dream bubble created for you by Vriska?

You don't think so. The last time you'd talked to her she'd vaguely explained that you had helped in the creation process of that particular structure. You house was implanted into your memory, much like anyone else's childhood homes are implanted into there's. You don't recognize any of these buildings now, let alone feel like you could have subconsciously _built _them.

The sand shifts under your feet as you touch down, much like real sand. Whoever made this stuff must be really detail oriented.

The sand stretches out around you in all directions, populated with sparse clumps of cacti and a few tumble weeds. However, there is in fact one large house nearby, positioned atop of clump of rocks, giving you the impression that you might not be the only weary traveler in this strange land.

Before you even begin to contemplate the repercussions of your actions, you start sprinting towards the house. It's a little awkward running on sand, not to mention you haven't done hardly any exercise in the past six months. If Dave were here right now, he'd probably have a nice long laugh at watching your clumsy ass jog across the sandy dunes.

You try not to think about Dave, or how much you miss him, or how much you would give to hear one of his snarky chuckles.

It's just too depressing.

Shaking your head of any negative thoughts, you clamber up to the front door. It's a pretty nice house in your opinion, with two stories, plenty of windows, a windmill, and even a lovely ramp instead of front steps. You wonder who could be inside.

Vriska would be nice, Aradia too, not Eridan though, screw that metro-sexual prick. Who else is dead? Karkat mentioned Gamzee and Sollux, but other than them you're having a hard time remembering any of the other deceased troll's names at the moment. It isn't your fault really. Of the one's that are currently dead you're only familiar with a couple of them.

Your hand pauses on the door knob, frozen by a sudden, awful thought.

What if one of your friends died during these last few months of separation? What if Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi, or even Dave and Rose are inside waiting for you? Hell, what if they're all dead and having one big jam party in the after-life?

For a second, you consider not opening the door and going inside. You could just wait out here and respawn back on the ship. If all your friends are truly dead then… well, then you have no idea what you'll do.

You sigh, pressing your head against the door.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

"_It doesn't have to be."_ Says a voice in your head. You recognize it as Imaginary Rose. _"Stop second guessing yourself, John. It's unbecoming. Face your fears. Take a chance. Open the door and deal with your insecurities or sit outside and leave the mystery unsolved. It's obvious which of the two courses of action you should take."_

You feel your 'pep' meter decrease a little more. Imaginary Rose just isn't the same as the _real_ Rose.

She's right though, if you just keep standing out here, alone with your thoughts, you're going to drive yourself insane. You've already spent enough time by yourself when you were alive after all. No matter who is inside this house, it's someone _different_.

And it's that thought that gets you to twist the knob and push the door open.

"Hello?" You step onto the front rug and shut the door behind you. "Uh, is anyone here?"

The inside is just as nice and cozy as the outside is. Immediately upon stepping inside, you're faced with a wall of leather bound books, a small couch, and a knee-high table laden with many magic eight balls and a few drawings of what you guess are fairies. Through a door to your left you can see a kitchen area, and next to that is a ramp leading up towards the second floor.

"Hello?" You try again and no one answers.

With a shrug you move into the center of the room. Most of the books on the large shelf are written in gibberish, Alternian, you guess. However there are a few recognizable titles, namely Peter Pan, Moby Dick, and Treasure Island. You've just pressed your finger against the worn spine of Herman Melville's novel when suddenly something collides with your back.

"Gah!" You cry out as you are forced against the book self and then wrestled to the ground.

"Thought you could sneak in, did you?" A voice growls in your ear. "I saw you running up the hill, human. You're slippery wiles won't get you out of this one."

"What are you talking about?" You try to rise, but the entirety of your attacker's weight is resting on your back. "There are no slippery wiles! Who are you?"

"You're a thief, coming for my stuff!" The mystery person doesn't appear to be listening to you. "Do you know how hard it was to imagine the entirety of Jeedies' Complete Aesthetic Works?! It took _three _months! You aren't going to take it!"

"Dude," You choke, feeling his arm wrap around your neck. "What the fuck- argh- are you talking about?!"

You hear the front door open and close with a loud slam.

"You'll never guess what I just…" A voice begins but trails off.

"Vriska! Stay back!" Your attacker yells, struggling to pin you. "We have a burglar!"

"Vriska?!" You croak and try to shove him off. "She's here?"

"What the hell is going on?!" A now familiar voice shouts.

"There's a thief in our house!"

"I'm not a thief! Just let me explain!"

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The weight is suddenly removed from you back and you hear a pained squeal as your attacker is tossed away from you. Quickly scrambling to your feet, you look to see that it is, in fact, Vriska who has come to your aid.

She looks the same as she always did. Same shiny robot arm. Same makeshift eye patch, cannibalized from a pair of sunglasses. The long hair, the blue lips, the bared fangs, they're all there and for the first time in over a hundred and fifty days, you feel your heart swell.

"Vriska!" You beam at her. "It's me. I'm back, a little sooner than I expected, but I'm back."

You hope that she won't be pissed that you've come back without the ring.

"Who are you?" She demands, taking a menacing step forward. "What do you mean _'you're back'_? How do you know who I am?"

"Don't you recognize me?" You frown. "Man I know it's been a while, but I really don't think it's been that long. Or maybe it has been? Does time pass differently here? Oh man, so much has happened, Vriska. I have so much to tell you."

With a speed completely alien to you, Vriska lunges forward and pins you against the bookshelf.

"Answer my questions human, before I rip your fucking head off!" She roars, an inch from your face.

"Vr- Vriska!" You splutter. "It's me."

Reaching up, you pull away the curtains of hair and give her your most recognizably, dorky grin. Her face twists with confusion, before finally falling into stunned awe.

"John?"

**JOHN: REUNINTE WITH YOUR LOVING MATESPRIT AND GIRLFRIEND.**

And then you're kissing her. It's primal and a little angry for your meager standards. You pull at her shirt (once yours) and feel her tugging at you in return. Her nails pierce your blazer and you feel the needle-like fingers of her mechanical hand digging into your skin. You're having a hard time complaining about the sharp stings though, as you shift your hands first from her waist, then to her arms, and then up into her hair.

Her tongue is like a sea serpent, but instead of spouting dated riddles and trying to smash you, it's currently dancing with your own tongue, batting at it playfully and teasing it with tiny licks. Were it not for the other room's occupant, you and her would have probably rolled to the floor and started boning like nobody's business.

"Uuuh… what the actual fuck?" He says.

Vriska pulls away from you with an audible _'mwaah!'_

"Oh, stuff a bulge in it, Tavros. Can't you see that we're having a moment?" She flicks a lock of hair over her shoulder and turns back to you. Her grin fills you with partial excitement and fear. "Hey there, Joooooooohn. Nice of you to finally stop by again."

"Heh, yeah." You rub the back of your neck. "I guess it is nice. To see you, I mean. It's nice to see you."

"It is, isn't it?" Vriska moves to your side and snakes her arm around your waist tightly. "You remember Tavros, don't you?"

She gestures to your assailant, who you now recognize to be a troll with ridiculously long horns. The name, Tavros, sounds familiar. He must be one of the trolls you encountered when you first met Karkat at the secret base in LOWAS. Damn, that was a long time ago.

Tavros is haphazardly sprawled on his wheelchair where Vriska had thrown him.

"Hey, Tavros." You wave and try to smile, although you still vividly remember his arm digging into your neck. "Sorry if I freaked you out by just walking in like that. I was just looking around."

"Yeah, whatever." He adjusts himself properly back into his seat. "You're lucky Vriska came in when she did. I almost snapped you…"

"Psshh." Vriska's snort cuts him off. "You could snap a piece of celery in half with those twig arms, bull boy. Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you go out and play while we adults have a nice, _adult_ chat?"

Tavros's face twists un-appealingly and he sets a gaze of pure hatred upon you before submissively turning his chair around and wheeling towards the door. It may just be your imagination, but you almost swear that he cast one last saddened look towards Vriska before shoving his way out the door.

You open your mouth to call after him, another apology maybe or an invitation to hang out with you and Vriska, but before you tongue can even formulate words, you're being dragged forward.

"Come on, Pupa. Let me show you to my room. I have a feeling you're going to appreciate what's up there." She easily steers you with that powerful limb.

"Okay." You look back towards the door again, but Tavros is long gone. "Vriska is Tavros the guy you… killed?"

"Yup." She replies, guiding you up the ramp and towards the second floor.

"And you guys are still hanging out together? That's pretty big of him."

"Well he's less of a willing participant and more of a dubious consenter. He lets me live with him though."

As you reach the first landing, your stomach gives an uncomfortable squirm.

"You guys are living together?" You're face must reflect your discomfort, because when Vriska looks back at you, she throws her head back and laughs.

"Oh, John, John, John." She pats you twice on the cheek. "Don't tell me you're jealous."

"I'm not. I'm just… figuring things out is all." You no longer want to talk about Tavros. "So what have you been up to?"

"Ugh, absolutely nothing." Vriska leads the way down the hall towards an open door. "It's been terrible here, John. Nothing but awful books and terrible company. The only thing that's kept me sane is the possibility that you'll show up again to rescue me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." She's somehow kicked off her shoes and shed her over-shirt during this conversation. "Speaking of which, you wouldn't happen to have that ring, would you?"

"Uh, nope. Not yet, but I'm working on it." You lie. The last few times you'd encountered Jack Noir, you hadn't even _thought_ about that stupid ring. You'd been too busy trying to escape or survive or any other number of pressing matters. "I'm sorry."

"Eh, don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll get it eventually." Vriska shuts the door behind you and immediately tears your blazer from your shoulders with a rough _riiip_. "Let's get to it. We don't have much time."

"Ah! You've got to be joshin' me!" You watch as she throws the ruined jacket to the floor. "That was custom made!"

"John." Vriska grabs your head and points it back to her, then she cups her chest. "_These_ are custom made, and they've been waiting a hella long time to see you again."

"What?" You're mind has been discarded along with your coat.

"Just shut up and kiss me, you idiot."

She's pushing against you again, forcing you backwards and towards a pit of slime that you've heard about and presently have no desire to experience first-hand.

"Wa-Wait!" You pull your lips away from her's, leaving her tongue hanging out of her mouth like crumpled party favor. "Vriska just stop for a second."

"Why?!" She positively shrieks. "What is it? What's the matter with you?!"

"Nothing. I just, uh… I haven't seen you in a long time." You slip out from between her and the recuperacoon. "And I… Look, don't get me wrong. I _want _to do this again, but it's just that I haven't seen you in a long time, okay?"

Vriska crosses her arms, tilts her head, and glares at you with her remaining eye.

"I'm not following."

You sigh and wipe your face with your hand, brushing the coarse fibers of your beard with your fingers.

"Vriska, just for now, can't we just… talk?"

For a moment, you think she might deny you. That she might yell, curse, shout, or worse: throw you into the slime pit and ride The 'F' Train all the way to Cums-ville. But then her face softens slightly and she smiles.

"Okay." Vriska nods. "You wanna talk? Let's talk."

Exhaling a deep breath, you reach for her hand and lead her back downstairs to the couch. You sit the appropriate amount of space apart.

And then you tell her everything.

You talk about The Scratch, Dave's Bro, the golden airship, the Mlpuia Jive, Rose's Denizen, the army of Dave's, Jack Noir, Jade's freaky dog ears, the pink turtles, your current three year expedition, and finally your sixth death at the hands of a ceiling.

When you finish, Vriska is now molded against your side, with your arm around her shoulders and your heart on your sleeve. She was a good listener for the most part, laughing at all the right moments and laughing some more at some of the wrong ones. You carefully omitted some stuff, namely you're unfaithful thoughts towards Rose and your pleasant date with Aradia.

There's nothing to gain by making her jealous. She already pretends that she owns you, and hell, maybe she does.

"Ha! You didn't have a date to the Jive?" She barked with laughter at that point. "Wow, nice. Only losers show up dateless to those things."

"Have you been to one?"

"Hell no. You're lucky to even _hear_ about one in a lifetime. They're like the rarest of the rare, John."

"So I've heard."

When you eventually ask her about what she's been up to, she just shrugs.

"Nothing really. Belive it or not, there isn't much to do when you're dead." She scratches her nose. "The only _exciting _thing that happened was when you showed up. Oh, and then Aradia and… _them _too."

"Them?" You question.

"Don't worry about it." Vriska shakes her head. "_They _are none of your concern."

"Okay, then."

She shifts against you, picking up her legs so that they're resting across your lap and pointing her face towards yours.

"So having listened to your tales of adventure, do you wanna know what I think?" She asks.

"Sure."

"Honestly, I think you suck."

"Oh."

"Yeah, fucking '_oh_'." She leans in and pecks you quickly on the cheek. "But you're also _mine_ and that means you aren't going to suck for much longer."

You don't really know what she's talking about anymore.

"I don't really know what you're talking about anymore." You say.

"Listen, Pupa." She wriggles closer, squirming into your lap and causing you to blush heavily. "If you want to be the best, and trust me _you_ do, then you're going to have to stop sucking so much. To beat Jack Noir, you're going to have to be strong and smart and fast and deadly."

"But I'm not any of those things."

"I know. That's what I'm saying. That's why…" She pauses for dramatic effect. "I'm going to train you."

"Train me?"

"Yeah, to be the best around. That way no one can ever bring you down."

"But how? Won't I be coming back to life soon?" You say, and then: "Wait… I should have gone back by now. Holy shit, Vriska. Am I dead for real?"

"No, John." She assures you. "You're very much still half alive. The only reason you've stayed here with me so long is because you _wanted _to stay here. You can go back whenever you like, but now you aren't going to, because you get to stay here and train with me."

"But I can't stay here." You nudge Vriska off of you and stand up. "Jade is still on that ship with a dead me. I can't leave her alone like that."

"Well then fine." Vriska gets to her feet as well. "Just come back later."

"Later?"

"Yeah, come back and train with me when you get the chance."

You take a moment to process her words.

"Wait. Are you telling me to… to _kill_ myself?"

Vriska rolls her eye.

"Well duuuh. How else are you going to get here, stupid?"

"Oh, geez." You frown, mulling over her proposition. "I don't know if Jade will be okay with me killing myself every day just hang out with you."

"Then do it at night when she's asleep." Vriska shrugs like it's no big deal. "You want to be the best you can be, right?"

"I suppose."

"Then this is how you're going to do it." She throws her arms around your neck and kisses you again. You remain perfectly still and wait for it to be over. When she pulls away, she speaks again. "Now head on back to your ecto-sis. I'm sure she's weeping over your corpse as we speak. I'll see you soon, okay?"

You nod dumbly and slide out of her grasp.

"Alright, I guess I'll go then." As you speak, your vision begins to fade and before Vriska can even respond, you wake up.

Compared to the darkness of the void, the artificial lights of the ship seem to burn your retinas as you open your eyes.

"Jade?"

"John!"

You roll over onto your side, facing the direction of her voice. Jade is sitting against the far wall, folded up and resembling a mass of dark hair with green eyes. She doesn't move.

"Nice of you to come finally back." She says. "I was beginning to wonder…"

"Yeah." You lie there for a moment, simply staring at her. "How long was I gone?"

"A few hours."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She still hasn't moved.

"Are you okay?" You ask after a moment.

She nods and rubs at her eyes with her fists. You get the feeling that she hasn't moved very much at all since you're death.

"Well that's good." Sitting up, you look out the window. "Looks like we escaped the metoers, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Nice flying, you're a regular Amelia Earhart." You're happy to see that your blazer is well intact back in the world of the living. "I should probably go let the turtles out of that closet now."

As you make for the door, Jade jumps to her feet and trots behind you. You don't have any objections to her following you around. You just wish that she'd talk more. Jade is… Jade, and she isn't supposed to be quiet for more than thirty seconds at a time.

Your heart lifts when she speaks suddenly, but falls just as quickly.

"Promise me something, John." She says from your shoulder. "Promise me that you aren't going to die again, ever."

Why does everything always have to be some complicated?

"I dunno." You try and lighten the mood. "I'm a little bit of an idiot, you know? I'm liable to walk off a cliff on accident every once and a…"

Her hand grips your shoulder tightly, cutting you off midway through your shitty joke.

"This isn't funny." She looks almost angry with you. "Do you have any idea what it would be like to live alone on this ship for the next two and a half years?"

"No."

"Well neither do I and I'm not planning on finding out any time soon." Her fingers dig deeper into your arm. "Promise me, John. That you'll be smarter and safer and just… _here_."

"Well, you never know what could…"

"John."

You stare into your ecto-sisters eyes. Your childhood friend, your battle buddy, your band mate, your only source of human contact for the past one hundred and seventy-seven days.

But not anymore. You stare at her and you lie.

"I promise."

She nods.

"Okay."

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

**STILL DAY TEN.**

You are now Karkat Vantas. And this is probably the worst meeting you've ever been to.

Everyone is sitting in a ragged circle with the exception of you. You're the leader, therefore you're standing up, tall above the rest, but just as unsure about what to do next.

All the citizens of the meteor, besides Nepeta obviously, have been briefed on the situation. While Mrs. Lalonde is outside with the murderer, distracting her with how shiny her pocket watch is, you called everyone else into this awful meeting.

Rose is sandwiched between her Matesprit and her ecto-brother, looking more interested in watching you struggle than actually being helpful. Terezi is trying to comfort a distraught Equius. The beefy troll had refused to out his Moirail forthright, but has subsequently not denied her guilt. It's obvious that Nepeta confessed to him and that he's been withholding that information for a long time.

You sort of feel for him, in a backward convoluted short of way. A Moirail is supposed to balance their partner's life, prevent them from swaying too far in one direction or another.

Equius failed.

Now he's left to be a witness to the decision making process, watching as you all decide the fate of his platonic soul mate.

"Can't we just…" Dave stretches and thinks for a moment. Apparently he's still working on the _'formulating a full sentence before opening your fat mouth'_ section of his maturity. "Lock her up or something?"

"No." Rose instantly shoots him down. "That's a waste of resources. Keeping her alive, having someone watch over her all the time, it isn't economical."

"Well then what? Are we supposed to kill her?" Dave responds quizzically.

No one answers.

"Jegus," He rubs his forehead. "I thought you trolls were supposed to be like this ultra-violent race where killing was like a daily routine. What's wrong with yall? What's so different about this?"

"What you need to understand about troll culture, Dave, is that we are _not_ an ultra-violent race." Kanaya answers slowly. "The _'killing'_ that you are referring to has to do with social class structure. If a high blooded troll is disrespected by one of a lower blood, then the noble has a social obligation to challenge his harasser."

"Nepeta killed without honor." Equius says randomly. He's got his eyes firmly fixated on the ground. "She has committed a crime."

"And criminals need to be brought to justice." Terezi adds.

The blind troll is pretty shaken up about the realization too. Her and Nepeta had been solid pals in the past, just like her and Vriska had been. Terezi's probably feeling an overwhelming sense of déjà-vu at the moment.

"So we do kill her then." Dave says, leaning forward. "Just like that. It's decided? Come on, you people have to have some kind of trial system or something."

"I agree." Harley, the remaining group member speaks up. "From what I've heard so far, this Gamzee bloke was pretty far off his rocker. Maybe she did you folks a favor?"

"She didn't do anyone _any_ favors." You seethe. "Gamzee was fixed, _I_ fixed him, and she just…" You shake your head. "We have to deal with this and soon too."

Kanaya gazes up at you.

"I'm sorry, Karkat. Truly I am. Nepeta was outside his room when I went there myself. I must have just missed her." She says. "If you decide to kill her, then I will be the one to do it."

"No." You say quickly. "That's some shaky reasoning to put some blood on your hands, if anyone is going to do it. It should be me."

"The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword." Rose agrees, ever the disgusting nerd.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Dave stands up. "You guys are just gonna do it? Have you heard anything I've been saying? You need to give someone a fair trial or something before you just start chopping off heads."

"It's a waste of time and resources. Just like Rose said." You respond. "It's better just to get it out of the way."

"There has to be another way."

"Well there isn't."

"This is fucked up."

"You wanna know what's fucked up, Strider." You start to lose your temper. "The fact that you're even still a part of this meeting, or that any of you humans are even here, this is _our_ business, _my_ friends. Not yours. Your friends are all hundreds of thousands of miles away, probably dead, and most definitely not on their way here."

Dave crosses his arms, looking incredibly cool next to your flaming rage. That just pisses you off all the more.

"I don't think you mean that, Karkles." He says. "I think that John is almost as much your friend as he is mine, and no matter how much you deny it, you would probably cry your little yellow eyes out if either he or Jade were really dead."

"I could care less!" You roar. Kanaya quietly mutters for you to keep your voice down, but you ignore her. "There is nothing I would like more than to see all of your stupid, pink heads on spikes outside of my hive. I would spend every day, going outside and playing Calvin Ball with Egbert's decapitated head, and using your douchey skull as slime mug! Jade's head would be my pail and Rose's would be my paperweight- AND IF YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME AGAIN LOLNDE I WILL EXILE YOU TO THE FURTHEST MOST SHIT INFESTED ROCK ON THIS…"

You trail off. A sudden idea has just struck you

"Holy shit." You breathe. "You know what guys? We could just exile her if we wanted."

Everyone perks up at this.

"Exile her?" Rose repeats. "Where?"

"It doesn't matter." Terezi says, standing up to join you and Strider. "As long as she isn't staying in this temple with us or eating our food, then I don't care where she is or what she's doing."

Terezi probably doesn't mean that. You don't have to be a therapist like Rose to know that Terezi's currently over-compensating.

"We could take her eighteen miles out," You slam your fist into your palm. "Drop her, and just tell her not to come back."

"Would that work?" Dave questions. "I mean, does she even give a shit what you tell her to do anymore? She could just come right back."

"Then we'll just chase her away again." Equius replies quietly. The guy looks miserable.

"We should vote." Kanaya says. "In favor of killing or exile."

"I think it's pretty obvious that no one here wishes to commit murder." Rose comments, resting her head on her hand. "It wouldn't be smart to take her by yourself, Karkat. There should be a party."

"Alright then, any volunteers?" You look around the group, no one speaks up.

"I'll go." Dave says.

"Anyone I _like_ want to volunteer?"

No one else speaks up. Harley then looks at Dave quizzically.

"I can't say that I'm not surprised at you, Sonny." The old man says. "That's rather valiant of you to accompany this young alien fellow."

"Well you know what they say." Dave pushes his shades further up his nose. "You can't say Dave Strider without thinking: hero, badass, ninja, beat master, and valiant MoFo, all at the same time. It's like that therapy game where you do word association, except a lot more fun and with a lot more cool."

Harley shakes his head, but chuckles all the same.

"Fine then." You grumble. "Strider and I will get rid of her tomorrow. Is everyone okay with that?"

Everyone nods and Equius rises from his seat to shuffle away. You watch him go and resolve to talk to him later, after Nepeta is gone and he's had time to process his grief.

"Alright, Strider." You step up to Dave as everyone breaks apart. "Get your bag packed, we're leaving soon."

* * *

**I love writing Vriska :D It's really great, for me at least, to have her back in the story again. We'll be seeing plenty of JohnVris in the upcoming chapters. Some RoseKanaya too, although that won't be the centerpiece of the meteor group's drama. I have plans for those guys.**

**Leaving the campus on Wednesday, I came to the sudden realization that one of my tires had been slashed. I had to pull over and change my tire on the side of the freeway. It was a regular blast lol. Man, fuck vandals. He wasn't even a full vandal, he only slashed one of my tires instead of all four. If there's one thing I hate, it's asshole's who can't commit to being an asshole. I seriously wanna know who did it though, just to see if it's someone I pissed off or not.**

**Anyways, enough about me. Thanks for reading guys.**  
**- Mike**


	34. ACT 4 - PART 6

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**Thanks to A Dreaming Songbird for reviewing. (I may be in love with you) (NOT) (yes ;_;) (go read her fanfiction if you haven't already, it's way better than this shit)**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

**DAY ELEVEN.**

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too. For the first time in over a week, you're actually doing _something_ worthwhile, maybe a little morally loose in your eyes, but still worthwhile nonetheless.

Standing outside of the temple during the early morning, you can see the two faint stars that were once the pair of suns that hung over the four lands. Well, they still do hang over the four lands. You just aren't there anymore to see them up close anymore.

In a rare moment of completely uncool sensitivity, you wonder if Jade is standing somewhere now, looking up at the same suns and thinking about you. That would be cool, you think, completely saccharine beyond belief, but… cool.

You can hear Karkat grumbling under his breath from a mile away and you turn to find him emerging from inside the temple.

"You know what I hate, Strider?" He says, coming up to your side.

"Everything." You answer.

"Other than that."

"Me."

"Other than that."

You sigh.

"Fucking hell, man. We could stand out here and play this game all day if you want, but unlike you, I have other stuff on my agenda besides _'screw around with someone I vividly dislike'_."

Karkat chuckles, a rare expression of genuine pleasure.

"I hate _humans_." He says. "They can't take a joke to save their miserably short lives."

"Is that what that was?" You raise an eyebrow. "Were you just telling a joke right now? Christ, Karkles. We have a lot of work to do if you're ever going to ascend to the ranks of being a normal dude. That's not how you make jokes."

"Really? Well then educate me, oh great joke master."

"Consider me the Mr. Miyagi of humor." You think of a suitable joke for a moment, and then settle for one of the classics. "Knock, Knock."

"What?"

"Knock, Knock."

"Yeah, I heard that. What the fuck does it mean?"

You clearly recognize that this a losing battle, one which will only serve to stem your already budding headache. Still, you press on.

"Say '_who's there'_, asshat."

"Who's there?"

"Jamaica."

Karkat looks at you blankly for a while, and then his eyes narrow into slits.

"What did you just call me? You worthless piece of trash." He snarls.

"Never mind." You shake your head and turn away, muttering under your breath: "You're Jamaican me crazy, dude."

It's at that moment that Nepeta skips out of the temple. She's wearing her signature blue cat hat and that ill-fitting trench coat. There is also a backpack strapped to her shoulders, giving her the appearance of a little tot on their way to the first day of school.

You think your little, shriveled up heart is going to break.

"Hey there, Karkitty!" She chirps, bouncing up to her leader's side. "I'm super excited about our expurrdition today! I even packed little nibbles fur us to eat on the way!"

Karkat looks like he's just swallowed a lemon, one that's trying to climb its way back up his throat by kicking and punching its way through his insides.

"That's… fantastic, Nepeta." He replies, shooting you a quick, nervous glance. "Are we all ready to go?"

You grip your sword a little tighter and simply nod, not really sure if you can speak without your voice cracking and definitely sure that you don't want to find out. The new blade you're currently calling your own was forged by Harley, as it were. You're knack for losing swords brought a good chuckle from the old man, who is still unaware that one of those swords you lost were his legendary blade of cuddlefish or whatever.

What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Nepeta tries to take Karkat's hand as you start to walk, but he slaps her away. This repeats for a few minutes until Nepeta gives up and the temple fades away behind you, then she decides to point out interesting rock formations.

"That one looks like a cat ready to pounce." She says excitedly, pointing to a rock that you can clearly see resembles more of a moose in a cup than anything else. Especially a cat.

Something Rose said a long time ago comes to mind, as Nepeta pinpoints another cat-like stone (this one obviously mimicking Bill Cosby). She said that people often see what they want to see, even distorting reality or disregarding it completely so that everything fits into their own way of thinking.

Like Nepeta with these rocks, or maybe Karkat and Terezi with Gamzee's murder.

What if they're so hell bent on catching the culprit that they're disregard reality just so that they can pin the blame on someone. Karkat once claimed that Aradia was trying to confess before she died. Had he completely forgotten about that? Nepeta, this little cat freak, doesn't seem like a killer to you.

What if they're wrong? What if what you're doing right now is horribly, irrevocably wrong?

"Awww." Nepeta suddenly gasps. "I didn't say goodbye to Equius this morning! He'll be so upset when I get back."

You break.

"Karkat!" You shout, coming to a screeching halt. "I need to take a monster piss!"

Both Nepeta and Karkat come to a stop as well and turn to look at you, confusion and surprise mirrored on each of their faces.

"Well then go piss." Karkat says, looking at you like you're the stupidest, most pointless thing in the world.

And maybe you are.

"I need your help... To piss." You explain. "I need your help pissing, Karkat."

Nepeta's jaw is hanging slack, opposed to Karkat's which is steadily grinding against his upper teeth.

"What in the actual fuck are you blabbering about?" He demands. "This better not be some weird, human, seduction thing."

"It's not. Just…. Just come behind this rock with me." You take off, disappearing behind a large boulder.

You hear Karkat give a muffled groan and then there are his footsteps on the loose grey stones. He comes around the side of the boulder with his arms crossed.

"Alright, let's just make this fast. What do you want me to do?"

"Listen, you damn crab." You seize him by the collar. "We can't do this man. We can't fucking dump her out in the wilderness like this. It's not right. It's causing me to freak out. My stomach is thrashing around like a decapitated snake up in here."

Karkat glares at you, but makes no move to remove himself from your grasp. He speaks in slow, steady, cold tones.

"If you can't handle this. Then go back, Strider." He breathes. "Or hike up your shame globes, calm your damn stomach with some of Nepeta's nibbles, and help me do this."

"What if she's innocent?"

"She isn't."

"You said that Aradia..."

"I said, that Aradia said Gamzee's name before she died. Yeah, I thought it was a confession before, but now I know it isn't. She was probably going to tell me that Nepeta did it. She probably knew somehow." Karkat lowers his voice an extra octave. "This is happening right now. I am doing this, with or without your help."

"Karkat…"

"What's it gonna be, Strider?"

"She's like a little kid…"

"What's it gonna be?"

You squeeze your eyes shut behind your shades, blocking out all light and hoping with all of your might that when you next open your eyes, that you'll be somewhere else, _someone _else. Anyone, but Dave Fucking Strider.

His collar slides out of your limp grasp.

"Take a piss." Karkat says, moving away from you. "Then let's go."

You nod slowly and wait until he leaves to sag weakly against the boulder. This shit wasn't written in the instruction manual for this fucking game. When you shoved that CD into your computer, you had no idea that you'd be without your Bro, trapped on a meteor, about to ruin some little alien girl's life forever.

Why did you come with Karkat? Why did you volunteer for this stupid expedition?

Because it's what had to be done. Because it's what John would have done. Because it's what Bro would have done.

Because it's what a _hero_ would have done.

"I'm not a hero." You murmur quietly.

And as you walk back around to rock to rejoin Karkat and Nepeta, that's the only thing you truly believe.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

**STILL DAY ELEVEN.**

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently working on the latest chapter for your most recent literary work, you're first full length novel.

It's slow work for you, having to use an old fashion pen and paper instead of your usual laptop. Back on earth, you could type out prose and short stories with the speed and efficiency of an accomplished pianist, dancing fingers across the keys like Billy Joel playing the main stage at Madison Square Garden.

On a slightly unrelated note, what you wouldn't give for a turntable and a copy of Mr. Joel's '_Stranger'_ vinyl. Of all the things you miss the most about your old life; music might just be near the top of the list. Right underneath fresh fruit and warm baths surrounded by ethereal incents.

Dave's occasional rap ballads just don't sate your unquenchable thirst for melody like they used to, like they never really did. You resolve to alchemize a violin the next chance you get.

Other than the lack of contemporary entertainment, living on the meteor hasn't been all that bad. Judging from the locations of the various stars in the sky, you'd guess that your new home is smack dab right in the middle of the furthest ring, the natural realm of the Horrorterrors.

And yet, their influence is wonderfully absent.

You chalk up the disappearance of the voices to your death and resurrection to the God Tier. Apparently John was right in saying that death was indeed to cure to your stubborn throes. Either that or your distance from John himself has caused you to build up resistance to the eldritch ways. One last mystery that is presently left unsolved.

A set of footsteps cause the incessant _scratch_ of pen on paper to cease, as well as your thoughts of one, John Egbert.

"Hello, Rose." It's Kanaya.

"Hello." You respond with a careful smile. "What can I do for you?"

She frowns.

"Nothing, I was just coming to see if you would appreciate my company."

"At any other time, I would." You twirl your pen between your fingers. "But as you can see…"

"Oh, yes of course." She nods and begins to retreat. "I apologize."

Your insides curdle with the unmistakable sourness of guilt. With a sigh you deposit your pen within the pages of your journal and snap it shut.

"No don't apologize." You motion her back. "Come. Have a seat."

Her face brightens (literally) as she delicately alights on the floor by your side, carefully folding her long skirt underneath her legs.

"I'm sorry to interrupt." She says, as you prop yourself up against her. "It's just that I was… thinking, about everything that's been happening and everything that's _going_ to happen. It's all rather scary, isn't it?"

"I don't think I would describe Nepeta's exile as _'scary'_. Sad, yes. Regrettable, yes. But not scary." You rest your hand on her leg, comforting her with a gentle squeeze. "There's no fear in doing the right thing, Kanaya."

"I wish that I could be as sure as you." Her eyes are a little misty. "I've always kind of seen Nepeta as younger than the rest of us, even though she's actually a few days older than most. I suppose it's her childlike persona that causes our opinion of her to sway towards the more innocent side of the spectrum."

"I've been meaning to ask about his '_persona'_ of hers." You resist the urge to open your journal to a fresh page so as to take notes. "How did she first become interested in cats? Where does her fascination for the furry little felines come from?"

"Exposure to human internet, I suppose." Kanaya shrugs. "She didn't _really_ get into it until after we created your universe, before that it was more… understandable, taking into account the nature of her lusus. Now it's just…"

"Overbearing."

"Exactly."

You give a short laugh and Kanaya smiles in turn.

"You're going to miss her, aren't you?" You ask.

"Of course." Kanaya gestures vaguely around the temple. "I don't have to remind you that there aren't that many of us left anymore."

"Hmmm." You hum, because she's correct and because you can relate completely and because you have no idea what to say to that.

As your eyes rove over the temple, you see what's left of your dreary little party. Equius is lying on the floor across the hall, asleep by the looks of it, but upon closer inspection you can see that he is eerily still. Pretending to be asleep no doubt, as to ward off any potential visitors.

You don't blame him. In his shoes, you probably wouldn't want to talk to anyone either.

Harley is inside the temple too, sitting at a table with your mother and talking amiably. They're both using rocks for stools and passing playing cards back and forth. Your mother looks happy for the moment, enjoying some leisurely time during an era where there isn't much to do besides sit around anyways.

You must stare at her for a while, because the next thing you know Kanaya is tapping your shoulder.

"Yes." You turn to her.

"Why don't you go talk to her?"

"I beg your pardon."

"Your mother." Kanaya nods towards the table. "Why don't you talk with her?"

You shrug lightly and part the covers of your journal, seeking shelter within.

"I'm talking with you." You answer. "And it would be rude of me to abandon our conversation for another."

"That's understandable, but I also can't help but wonder why you don't _ever_ talk to her."

"She's my mother. I talk to her all the time."

"I've never seen you two together."

"Then you must not be very vigilant." You turn the page of your journal a little harder than necessary, causing a tear to form at the top of the paper. "Shit."

"All I'm saying is that I know you and her's relationship has been strained in the past. But now that you're here together, maybe it would be a good time to reconnect."

A small part of you knows that Kanaya is trying to help, but another, much bigger part of you, wishes that she wasn't such a meddling twerp.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, Kanaya." You're speaking before you can stop yourself. "But truthfully, what do _you_ know about my relationship with my mother, in reference to the past? Answer: nothing that you haven't heard second hand. Therefore, I think it would benefit us both if you didn't talk about things you do not understand."

Kanaya is silent for a moment. She doesn't appear to be angry, or upset. She just nods.

"You know, Rose." She says. "It's troll custom for a Matesprit to introduce their suitors to their lusus sometime after their first kiss and before their first night together as partners."

You stare pointedly down at the page, feeling an overwhelming desire for this conversation to be over. Of course your girlfriend would start to wonder why you had not formally introduced her to your mother. The relationship shared between you and Kanaya cannot move forward until you do.

"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news." You say evenly. "But I am not a troll, we are not on Alternia, and _I_ will decide what my mother knows and when she knows it. Please respect my choices."

"Yes." She shifts against you, rising to her feet. "Yes, of course. Excuse me."

And then she is gone.

You keep staring at the page, long after she is gone, and long after you've more than four times proofread the words inked into the page with perfect form and grace.

"Its trash." You decide, scratching out the last few words, then lines, then paragraphs and pages. "It's utter trash."

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

**STILL DAY ELEVEN.**

You are now Karkat Vantas. And this might be number one on the list of awful situations you've found yourself in.

As if being trapped on a meteor in the furthest ring wasn't bad enough, here you are, out in the middle of nowhere, with Dave Strider and Nepeta Leijon. Two of your least favorite people in the universe.

That's old news though. What's currently a hot topic is whether or not Strider is going to flake on your in the next few minutes, when the reason for you coming out all this way finally blooms into fruition. Namely, you dump Nepeta's sorry ass in the dirt and head home.

His little freak out earlier was more than enough to get the wheels turning in your head. Why hadn't you brought someone else with you? Terezi or Kanaya would have come if you just ordered them too. Being out here with a dangerous murderer and a surprisingly weak spirited douchebag is not only stupid, it's incredibly dangerous.

Dave walks by your side, muttering numbers under his breath like some sort of lunatic. Nepeta's behind you, humming some merry tune and kicking rocks through the dirt. And you're avidly examining the small husktop strapped to your wrist, trying to block both of them out.

Without any sort of satellite imaging or something, viewfinder is completely useless, although a distance application is still fully functional. Currently, you've traveled around seventeen and three quarter miles. A few more minutes of walking and you'll have reached the appropriate distance to make this happen.

"Are you guy's hungry?"Nepeta asks, rustling around in her backpack. "No one's asked for any nibbles yet."

"You keep 'em." You say, forcing your eyes to remain fixed firmly upon your watch.

"But I'm not hungry."

"Well you might be later."

"Later?" She questions. "How long are we going to be out here? I thought it was just fur a few hours."

Shit.

"Yeah," Strider interjects. "I don't know about you, but a few hours of walking sure gives me a serious case of the munchies. I feel like a college freshman, sitting in his dorm all day, cradling his Gatorade bottle bong and talking to his neighbor's dog like it's a person. Haha. Seriously, someone put some pizza rolls in the oven!"

What the fuck is he blabbering about now? You have no idea, and frankly, you don't care. As long as he sticks to the plan, Dave can nervously ramble about whatever he wants.

"Haha." You try to force as real a laugh as you can muster. "Good metaphor, Strider. Haha. Pizza rolls. Good shit."

What has you life come to?

Nepeta looks between you and Dave quizzically.

"You guys are sure are acting furnny." She says. "What's going on?"

You look down at your watch. Only a few percents of a mile left to go.

"Nothing." You bump her playfully with your elbow. "I'm just joking around, you know? Like seriously, wanna hear a joke."

"Sure!"

"Knock, knock."

"What?"

"Knock, knock."

"I don't get it."

"You're Jamaican me crazy."

"…"

"I think I fucked that up."

"Yeah."

Strider shoots you a look, apparently unamused at you're attempt at to replicate his earlier shitty joke. It not only appears that earth humor is beyond your grasp, but that you've now reached your destination. How Strider figured that out without his own husk-watch is a mystery to you, although you guess it has something to do with his unremitting counting.

You and Dave come to a stop. Nepeta heads ahead a few feet, chasing a small stone that she's kicked, but stops and turns around when she notices that you and Dave are no longer by her side.

"What's wrong?" She tilts her head to the side, examining the paleness of Dave's face and the tensing of yours. "You guys look pawful. Are you sick?"

You take a deep breath. Strider is like a statue by your side. You came out here to do this and dammit, you're gonna do it.

"We know that you killed Gamzee, Nepeta." You say, as straight and calm as possible.

She blinks at you.

"What? No! No, I didn't." She looks between you and Dave quickly. "Karkitty, what are you…"

"Everyone has agreed that you're guilty."

"It was Kanaya! I told you this, Karkitty- Karkat! I told you!"

"So we've decided that you're no longer…"

"It wasn't me!" She takes a step forward and both you and Dave flinch. "We talked about his already! I saw Kanaya! I saw her! She was there and…"

You interrupt her.

"Equius told us that you did it."

Her face falls. She gapes at you, mouth stretched open in a silent scream. Water forms at the corners of her large eyes and she takes another step forward.

"He- He didn't… He wouldn't. Karkat, he's… I did it for him! Gamzee was dangerous and _I _helped!"

Well, you guess that settles that.

"You're not coming back with us, Nepeta."

"What am I supposed to do!?" She shrieks, another step closer. "You can't leave me out here!"

"I can and we are." You grit your teeth. "You aren't a part of this group anymore."

For a second, you think that she's going to lunge at you or something, but then:

"DAVE!" She turns to Strider and reaches for his sleeve. He backs away. "You're my friend! At the dance we were friends, weren't we? You aren't going to leave me out here! You're a nice guy. You're so nice!"

Strider turns his face away from her, pointedly staring at the sky, anywhere but at her tear soaked, pleading face.

"Please!" She turns back to you now. "I can't be alone! What am I going to do?!"

"I don't care." You say.

"Karkat!" She comes towards you quickly and suddenly Dave lunges forward, kicking her square in the stomach and knocking her into the dirt. "AAAH!"

"Don't move." He says, standing over her. "Don't get up."

She crawls on her hands and knees, looking up at you and Dave with a face of sheer confusion and fear. Her hat has been discarded at your feet and you stoop to pick it up.

"Nepeta." You toss it back down so that it's within her reach. "Don't follow us."

"Karkat…"

"Come on, Dave." You grab Strider by the shoulder.

"Karkat!"

"Dave." You tug the human by the arm, pulling him after you. "Dave, let's go."

"Karkat, please!"

Her screams don't stop. Sometimes it's your name, sometimes it's others, but more often than not, it's just indistinguishable wails of anguish.

You keep your eyes focused straight ahead, back towards the temple. Dave trudges along at your side. His counting has stopped and if it wasn't for his footsteps on the loose stones, you'd have thought that he wasn't even there at all.

Eventually her screaming stops, whether because you've walked far enough, or because her voice gave out is unknown to you. All you know for certain is that you'll spend the next few nights thinking about her, and the next few weeks wondering about her, but one day…

One day you won't think about her at all, and as you walk with a heavy heart, back to what's left of your family, you try to keep that in mind.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

**DAY ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY- EIGHT.**

You are now John Egbert. Which means that you're halfway through another jam session with your awesome band: _'Ignorant Rhubarb and the Pretentious Jelly_'? Its one day after your run in with the asteroid field, your subsequent death, and reunion with Vriska.

"You know what I hate?" Jade blurts randomly. She's in the process of tuning her bass.

"What?" You idly twiddle your fingers over your keyboard.

"Drop D." She answers instantly with a grimace.

"Why?"

"It just gets in the way." She explains, plucking out a few notes. "Like people who use it instead of standard tuning are just dumb."

"That's an elitist thing to say."

"You think so?"

"Yeah."

Jade gives a small _'harrumph'_ and continues to pluck at her guitar. Biases against tuning techniques seem like a rather random topic, not to mention pointless now that you and Jade are the only musicians left in the universe. Well, besides Rose and you don't know if what Dave does technically counts as _'music'_ or not.

God you miss them

You tap the keys a few times, wondering how your friends are doing and if they're still alive. You remind yourself that they are as tough as nails, surely they've lasted one hundred and seventy-eight days just like you, right?

As you think, you follow Jade's slow notes, up and down the octaves. Fooling around for the most part until she is ready to start the next song.

"All I'm saying is this: dropped tuning, especially of the 'D' variety, just seems like the mark of an inexperienced bassist." She plays a little riff and smiles at you.

"Do you even know what you're talking about?" You chuckle, smiling back.

"Nope." She jumps up from the cot, swinging her bass wildly and flipping her hair. "I'm a folk artist, John. I just wanted to see what you thought about it."

"I have no strong opinions."

"Duh. Everyone knows that about you, John. It's just interesting to pick your brain every once and a while."

"Can we stop talking and start jamming?"

"I'd thought you'd never say that." She spreads her legs, taking up her signature rock star stance. "ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!"

She opens with a complicated series of blue's notes, swinging her fingers around the neck of her bass like a monkey through the trees. You count with little foot taps against the floor, waiting for your time to jump in…

You should tell her about Vriska.

You should tell her that you saw Vriska when you were dead, and that she wants to train you, and that you're planning on committing suicide tonight after she falls asleep.

What would Jade say to that? Would she tell you to go through with it?

Unlikely. You remember how she freaked out yesterday when you died completely on accident. You don't want to imagine her reaction to you actually dying on _purpose. _Besides that, you feel a selfish twinge in your gut. These past months on the ship have been awful, with just the two of you for company.

But now you have an out, an actual escape that can take you directly to your significant other. This ship no longer feels like a prison now that you know that Vriska is only a bullet to the head away. Jade wouldn't want you to leave her like that, but then again, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

"JOHN!" Jade's voice is inches away from your ear.

"Gah!" You jump sharply. "Jade! What is it?"

"You only played one note that entire song." She knits her eyebrows, retreating back to her original spot. "What's up with you?"

"Uh… My hand slipped."

She looks skeptical, but just shakes her head and readjusts her bass so that it's higher on her chest.

"Whatever, let's play that song you wrote. What's it called? The x-man?" She says.

"It's called '_Scott Summers'_." You correct her.

"Yeah, Scott Simmers.

"NO. Scott Summers." You correct her for a second time. "Who the fuck is Scott _Simmers_?"

"I don't know. His gay cousin or something. Let's just play, John!"

"Alright, alright." You poise your hands above the keys once more and try to focus. "Count us in."

Sometime later, after a vigorous practice and a little more bickering, you and Jade transition to the kitchen for a late dinner of cold cereal and toast.

"I used to like breakfast for dinner." Jade mumbles sadly, crumbling her crispy bread between her fingers.

"I'm sorry. One day I'll figure out how to alchemize something other than Raisin Bran." Your promise, even though you will do no such thing. You just so happen to love Raisin Bran with a fierce intensity.

"Eh, don't worry about it." Jade pushes back her chair and stands up with a mighty stretch. "I'm gonna go feed the turtles and then hit the sack. You coming?"

You stir the final dregs of your cereal and make an effort keep your face buried in your shitty dinner, lest your plan be betrayed by your terrible poker face.

"Yeah. In a little bit."

She hesitates before leaving, probably waiting to see if you'll offer to accompany her. You know that she doesn't like traversing the ship all by herself, but in a rare moment of completely uncouth insensitivity, you keep your big mouth shut and wait for her to move towards the door.

"Alright then." Her massive collection of black hair disappears into the hall and you spend the next few minutes staring into your bowl.

Okay, now. How are you going to do this?

Your eyes flick up to a kitchen knife resting on the counter, next to your impressive collection of mugs. The blade is sharp and it glistens prettily in the light.

No. That's too messy.

You glance towards the lamp in the corner. A sturdy power cord connects the lamp to the wall. All you'd need is a chair and a sturdy rafter then…

No. That's too hard.

With a groan you press your face into your hands. Who would have thought that thinking of ways to kill yourself would be so hard? Let alone uncomfortable.

You're just about to give up when you peek between your fingers at your bowl of cereal, still resting between your elbows. There isn't much milk left, but you could always get more from the fridge, fill the bowl to the brim, and drown yourself amongst the soggy remains of both raisin and bran.

No. That's just plain stupid.

Instead you get up and leave the kitchen, making your way towards the bedroom. You'll prep for bed, wait for Jade to fall asleep, and then launch into action.

You think that tonight seems about as good a time as any for a quick bath.

* * *

**If I'm being honest, Nepeta's exile sort of choked me up a bit. Nothing is sadder than a 18 year old dude, sitting alone in his room in the dark, and crying over a story that he's writing, amiright? I'm just the coolest dude around.**

**You know this already.**

**Enough about me, next chapter will be John and Jade centric, which is nice, since both those characters are a lot of fun for me. Prepare for more time skips and such. The timeline should flesh out soon, but basically all the stuff happening on the meteor takes place waaay before John and Jade's more plot thickening stuff.**

**Anyways. Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	35. ACT 4 - PART 7

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

**Thanks to A Dreaming Songbird, ObsessiveFanFictioner15, cheezebuns, demonwindy, and Tony (nice) for reviewing.**

**Special thanks to A Dreaming Songbird for beta-ing this chapter.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

**STILL DAY ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-EIGHT.**

You are John Egbert. Which means that you've now died for the… seventh time?

Yeah, seven sounds about right.

With an egregious amount of spluttering and flailing, you come to life on the sandy dunes outside of Vriska's and Tavros's house. Well, you say _'come to life'_, but it's really quite the opposite. You know what you're trying to say, since you're pretty much an expert at death by this point.

Lying in the sand for a moment, you try to think of how much time you'll have here before you're going to have to wake up. Jade went to bed a little later than usual, so that means you'll have more time if she sleeps in, right? But then again, Ray and Egon get a little hungry in the mornings, so she might get up to feed them.

Just to play it safe for you first night, you decide to only spend a few hours here, maximum. Ensuring that Jade doesn't freak out by finding your corpse half-submerged in the bath tub, and that you'll have a good amount of time to chill with Vriska.

You wonder what kind of training she has in store for you. Hopefully it's some _'wax the floors'_ type shit. That would be awesome.

"John?"

You sit up quickly and look towards the person who had spoken.

"Aradia!" You face splits into a wide grin. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh. I'm dead, John." She offers you her hand and you take it, climbing to your feet. "That's old news."

"Well yeah. I know that. I mean, what are you doing here?" You gesture around vaguely. "In Vriska's dream bubble or whatever."

At your words, Aradia's eyebrows knit dangerously.

"_This_ is not Vriska's dream bubble. It's Tavros's. She only hijacked it like the lazy, manipulating bitch that she is."

"Oh."

"Yeah, _oh_." She huffs and tosses her hair, long and thick, over her left shoulder. "I wouldn't touch Vriska with a thirty foot pole. The only reason I'm here right now is to give Tavros these."

She shows you a bag under her arm, bursting at the seams with dozens of perfectly wrapped scrolls. They look all sorts of wizardy and magical.

"What are they?" You ask in wonder.

"Lore." She explains. "Stuff about the game, rules, guidelines, and loopholes. He hasn't told me what they're for, but if I had to guess, he's looking for a way to escape the void."

"Really? That's awesome!" If Tavros finds another way out, maybe you won't have to fight Jack Noir for that ring after all. "How did you get that stuff?"

"Eridan had a lot of it. He's actually been pretty helpful now that he's dead."

"Eridan?"

"Yeah."

Now it's your turn to look at her with indignation.

"How can you be talking to that guy?" You demand. "He's evil."

Aradia shrugs noncommittally.

"It's all a matter of perspective, I suppose. I'll admit that I hated him for fighting with Sollux, but dying changes your perspective on a lot of things, John. I'm surprised that you haven't experienced that yet. When Eridan showed up a few weeks ago, the rest of us shunned him at first, but eventually he apologized." A smile tugs at her lips. "He's actually pretty fun to be around now."

Several things about her words resonate within your mind. Firstly, where did this happy-go-lucky Aradia come from? The troll girl you knew didn't seem to give a shit about anything, let alone seem liable to be happy about something. Everything was always just… tolerable with her.

And secondly, what the fuck does she mean _'a few weeks ago'_? It's been months and months since you and Rose tossed Eridan into that pit of Horrorterrors.

When you bring up your concerns to her, she just nods calmly.

"He didn't die at first." She explains.

"What do you mean?"

"Throwing him into that pit didn't kill him, John. The Horrorterrors, they…" She trails off, eyes widening slightly. She begins to chew on her lower lip. "You know… Maybe I shouldn't tell you this."

You blink at her in surprise.

"What? Why not?"

"Some things you just need to find out for yourself."

You're really getting sick of all this confusing bullshit. Are you ever going to meet someone who's just perfectly straightforward with you? Someone who doesn't kill you, or hide things from you, or make sex to you when you're unconscious.

Make sex? God damn, you really need to work on your vocabulary. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea for you and Jade to alchemize a few books in your spare time? Or maybe Tavros will let you borrow one of his.

"Do you want me to go talk to Eridan?" You offer.

"No." Aradia scratches her temple nervously. "That probably isn't a good idea either. Let's just forget I said anything about it. He's too busy hanging out with Nepeta anyways.

"NEPETA'S HERE?!"

"Oh no." She quickly slaps her hands over her mouth, but it's far too late.

"What happened?!" You grab her by the shoulders. "How did Nepeta die?! Is anyone else here? Please tell me that no one else I like is dead!"

"John, I'm really, _really_ sorry." She grabs your hands and pulls them off of her, but only to hold them tightly in her own. "But I really don't think that I'm the person to be telling you this stuff. It's much too complicated and you'd probably like to hear it from you real friends."

"I consider you to be a _real _friend." You squeeze her hands in return. "Just tell me who else is dead!"

She sighs heavily.

"No one else is dead. Just Nepeta and Eridan." Aradia takes a deep breath. "I guess I can tell you one thing though. You remember that message that I wanted you to give to Karkat?"

"Yeah, I left before you finished. Sorry about that."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Well… yeah, but still…"

"Anyways." Aradia looks you straight in the eye. "I wanted Karkat to know that I saw Nepeta kill Gamzee."

Well, you sure didn't see that coming. You stare into Aradia's dark, maroon eyes for a second, going over her words and processing them at the speed at which paint dries in the middle of a rain storm.

"What?" You eventually proclaim.

"I saw her sneak into his room and slit his throat with her claws." Aradia continues. "The purple blood bubbled up from the gash, oozing in between his desperate fingers and spilling onto his sheets like a warm, frothy flood of…"

"Holy shit. You do _not_ need to be so descriptive."

"Oh. Yeah, sorry." She smiles warmly at you, only succeeding in making you more uneasy. You wonder if you can disentangle your hands from hers without appearing rude. "As I was saying, I saw her do it, but kept my peace about it, since Gamzee truthfully deserved what happened to him, at least in my eyes. With my last breath, I tried to tell Karkat what I saw, but couldn't."

"Wow." You breathe. "That's… pretty nice of you to tell Karkat what happened, or at least try to."

"I just wish that I'd told him sooner, it could have prevented a lot of blood from being shed in the long run."

"Blood… shed?" You echo. "Aradia, what are you talking about now?!"

"Oh, Gog!" She pulls her hands away from you and buries her face in them. "Bad, Aradia. Very, _very _bad! Stop talking, you stupid bitch! I'm sorry, John!"

Before you can ask anything else, she drops her bag of scrolls, spilling them all over the ground, and turns on the spot to sprint away across the sand.

"Aradia!" You call after her, but she doesn't look back. In frustration, you scream after her. "What the fuck, Aradia?!"

Your words disappear into the blackness of the void, along with your late friend. Grumbling to yourself about how much everything sucks, you stoop down and being scooping up her discarded scrolls. Even though your brief chat with Aradia was nothing but upsetting and confusing, you're deliver her package to Tavros in her place. It's the least you could do for her, after all.

Still a little peeved, you fumbled the last scroll and drop it into the sand again. You snatch it up, and on a whim, decide to give its contents a little peek.

Predictably, most of it is Alternian gibberish, save for a few English words written in all caps. Namely ROUGE OF VOID and MAID OF LIFE scrawled next to a rather poorly drawn picture of… what the hell is that? It looks like a toucan fucking a pile of grapes.

You understand nothing about troll culture.

With all the scrolls safely tucked away in Aradia's bag once more, you set your sight on Vriska's house. The door is unlocked again, leading you to belive that Tavros has not acted on his paranoia of burglars yet. If he was so worried about his precious books, you'd think he'd imagine up a deadbolt or something.

"Hello?" You call into the empty house. "Vriska, it's me."

"Joooooooohn!" Sings a familiar voice from the second floor. "Come on up!"

You do as you're told and ascend the ramp, heading straight for Vriska's room. The door is ajar, so you just push your way inside.

"Hey, I bumped into Aradia outside. She wanted to give these scrolls to Tavros but- AGURAH!" Something roughly the size and shape of a basket ball slams into your nose, knocking you backwards flat on your ass. "What the..?"

You look up with watery eyes to see Vriska juggling another one of those balls, with a grinning Tavros by her side.

"First lesson, Pupa." Vriska smirks. "Always keep your eyes and ears on full alert. You never know when or where an attack is going to come from."

"If I never know when or where an attack is gonna come from, how can I- OOOF!" Another ball slams into your gut.

"Second lesson. Don't interrupt me when I'm talking."

"You weren't talking though! You were- GAH!"

"Third Lesson. Keep your eyes on me at all times."

"I can't dothat _and_ stay on full alert at the same- FUCK! STOP HITTING ME WITH THOSE BALLS!"

Vriska tosses her head back in a shrill laugh. Tavros joins in too, as he reaches for anther projectile to supply his roommate with. Both of them are having _waaaay _too much fun with this.

"Come on, John." She steps forward and hauls you to your feet. "Meet me out side in ten seconds so that we can move on to the next stage of training: laps. A good badass can always run laps like a champ. Let's go. I'll race ya!"

She takes off down the ramp, leaving you in the dust with your mouth open and your heart filled with dread. You turn to Tavros.

"She's going to be the death of me, isn't she?"

Tavros chuckles and wheels himself over to you.

"You have no idea, Egderp. Now hand me those scrolls, Aradia sent them, right?"

"Yeah." You pick up the bag and deposit it in his lap. "Aradia seems… different. Like crazy almost. Is she okay?"

"No one's _okay_, John. We're all broken somehow."

He has a point there. Who knew that Tavros was such a profound speaker? It's probably from all the books he reads.

"She just said some really disturbing stuff and ran off before I could ask her anything, though." You hear Vriska calling for you from outside the house. Quickly, you ask Tavros your question. "Can you tell me what happened to Nepeta? And Eridan too. She said that he showed up a few weeks ago."

"They both did." Tavros shrugs. "I don't have all the deets though. I'm not very mobile, you see? That makes gathering info hard." He fondly pets the scrolls. "Aradia's been a real helper."

"Yeah, yeah. That's great." You speak quickly, getting back to the point. "So you don't have any idea what happened?"

Tavros looks up at you and grins again. It isn't a happy grin though, not for you at least. It's one of those smiles that lets you know how much he dislikes you, and how much he's probably not going to tell you.

"If you wanna know so much." He sneers. "Go ask your damn Matesprit."

Then he rolls himself out into the hall, making a point to crush your toes on the way.

* * *

= Be Jade Harley.

**DAY ONE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE.**

You are now Jade Harley. Happy Birthday to you…

Not.

It's not a _'happy'_ birthday for a number of reasons. Firstly, by examining the crude calendar fastened to the kitchen wall, you can clearly see that your birthday was over four months ago. You'd missed it without even knowing.

This doesn't bring any pangs of sadness or regret. Birthdays were never a big deal for you anyways. No neighborhood kids dropped by to hang out, no distant relatives sent post cards in the mail, it was mainly just you, your grandpa, and Bec going about all your everyday business, with the exception that Bec gave you an extra lick _'good morning'_.

Rest in peace, Bec. Never forget.

Back on track, it isn't even John's birthday. That was a week ago. You'd missed that too.

So you guess that the only anniversary that you'll be celebrating today is the one year anniversary of you being on this god-forsaken ship. That isn't even tolerable, let alone _'happy'_.

With a sigh, you reach up and scratch another 'x' through today. One year down, two more to go. At this rate, you'll probably go insane before you even make it to year two, which might even be a blessing in surprise, considering that _anything_ is probably better than waves and waves of oppressive boredom washing down the halls in an insufferable flood.

Hell, it already seems like John's gone off the deep end.

"John." You mutter under your breath, a little ruefully.

He's been… different.

Quieter and a little more serious. Not just that, but he's dropped a lot of weight basically over night, losing any baby fat left to lose, sharpening his jaw bone, and punching a hole in his belt just to keep his pants up.

He sleeps more too, like _a lot_ more. (And here you were thinking that _you_ were the one with narcolepsy) It seems like he's always exhausted nowadays, like he's just finished running a marathon or fighting off a giant riddle snake. If that were the case, you wish he'd take you into these battles. You'd kill for a little action right now, _literally._

Thoughts of John lead you towards the next logical course of action: actually going to talk to him. Seriously, what else are you going to do? Leaving the kitchen area, you make your way down the hall towards the bedroom.

The corridor is littered with various debris and discarded clothes. With John basically hibernating now, the ship has fallen into a cluttered mess. You'd never admit this to his face, but honestly, you're just too messy of a teenage girl to keep this place clean without his help.

You pass by a pile of abandoned socks, yours of course.

"I'll pick them up later." You decide weakly, stepping over them.

You don't.

Opening the door, you flick on the light switch and illuminate the bedroom. Your cot is on your side of the room, where it always is, surrounded by various crap. You're rifle is propped up next to your pillow, within easy reaching distance, and you bass guitar is hung up on the wall above your head, also within easy reaching distance.

You tried to decorate your living area at one point, but as it turns out, recreating all the posters that were in your old room is a lot harder than you thought it would be. Eventually you'd settled on drawing your own pictures to hang up.

There were two now, each stuck to the wall with tape on either side of your bass. The one on the left is a sun, bright orange and horribly misshapen. The one on the right is… well frankly you don't know what it is.

You'd had a dream one night, more of a nightmare actually, and woken up with the image of a horrible demonic face seared into the inside of your mind. The picture showed a green skull, with billiard balls for eyes, and a wicked grin pulling up its skinless face.

When you had showed John the picture and explained your inspiration, he'd called it '_disturbing'_. You're inclined to agree, although you keep it up on the wall just to get under his skin. A little payback for the odd behavior he's been displaying as of late.

Speaking of odd behavior, you turn to look at John's side of the room. Your ecto-brother is flopped face down on his cot, sleeping like a rock and snoring like a chainsaw. His collection of shitty movies is stacked neatly on a nightstand, the Hammer of Zillyhoo is resting under his bed, and his ruined god tier outfit is folded neatly on the adjacent cot, waiting for you to fix it for him.

"I'll get around to it." You promise, wearily.

You won't.

What's odd about John's area is the vast collection of terrible, disgustingly rude messages now coating the wall.

"_Stupid."_

"_Worthless."_

"_Spineless." _

"_Waste of space."_

You know now that he's the one that's been scrawling the messages. Whether subconsciously or in an effort to knock himself down a few pegs, you don't know. At first you'd just ignored them, thinking it was his way of having a laugh.

Then you asked him about it.

"Hey, John." You'd said.

"Yeah?" He'd answered.

"What's this?" You had pointed to one of the scribbles. "Why is this here?"

He looked at you with confusion.

"Why's what here?"

"This." You traced the awful letters with your finger. "Did you write this?"

"Write what? What are you talking about?"

"… Nothing." You stepped away from the wall, eyes wide. "Just- Just forget it. I'm going to bed."

"Okay."

"You aren't coming?"

"In a bit." He'd said, retreating towards the door. "I'm just gonna go hang out elsewhere for a bit. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"… Okay."

You'd dropped the subject then, fear clutching your heart in its icy grip.

Were you going insane? Were you seeing things that weren't really there? These questions bounced around in your head for a long time as you watched John steadily drift away from you, and continue to drift, as the ship speeds ahead towards a destination that seems further and further with each passing day.

Now you know that you aren't crazy. Now you know that _John_ is the crazy one.

Snatching up a marker from his nightstand, you get to work scribbling out as many of the words that you can reach. John's windy abilities have granted him access to some of the higher points on the wall, even some parts of the ceiling, places that you can't reach by jumping like an idiot.

You scratch out _"Hang yourself." _And write over it: _"Hang out with me."_ instead. This reverse graffiti is actually kind of fun and a little gratifying too. Maybe your kind messages will help him to shake off his stubborn, wacky throes.

Finishing your latest uplifting message (changing _"You're awful."_ to _"You're awfulsome!"_) you cap your marker and put it back down, smiling for the first time in a while. Now comes step two of making your life better.

"John." You grab him by the shoulder and shake him roughly. "Hey. Wake up, sleepy head."

He groans into his flat pillow and tries to bat you away.

"No." He moans. "No. Not the bees…"

"John!" You grab him by the collar and drag him towards you. He flops onto the floor like a sack of flour. "Agh! You suck! No. I mean, you can do it!"

He mumbles again in his sleep.

"Dork." You grab him under the arms and haul him back onto the cot. Even after all your shaking and shouting and dropping, he's still out cold. "What's the matter with you?"

He doesn't answer. He just keeps on sleeping.

With a sigh you get to work, pulling off his shoes and then that blazer of his. For some reason, he's still wearing this coat around like it's a part of his regular ensemble or something. You wonder why.

Kanaya made it of course, but you don't recall John and her being all that close. Or at least close enough for John to treasure this coat like a valuable heirloom. Oh well, you'll take his obsession with this blazer over self-hating wall drawings everyday of the week.

You take off his glasses last and place them on his nightstand. You don't know what you were expecting when you came in here. It's not like you've ever earned his attention like this before. You guess that it's just your warrior's spirit that keeps you from giving up, that and John is the only other person on this ship.

You're sort of stuck with him.

"You probably don't even care," You brush the long bangs off his forehead. "But your birthday was last week. We missed it. If you were your normal, everyday self, we probably would have watched awful movies and ate cake and just… had fun. You remember fun, right?"

His eyebrows knit together and his forehead wrinkles, caught in the midst of some nightmare. You rub his crown softly, trying to dispel some of the tenseness there. He doesn't need to be tormented in his sleep. Real life is a nightmare enough already.

With a sigh and a final pat on the cheek, you move back towards the door. With your hand on the light switch, you look back towards his sleeping form. You've had enough of waiting around. You aren't going to wait for John to get his shit together, or for this flying boat to finally reach its destination. You're Jade Fucking Harley god-dammit, it's time you started acting like her.

"You promised that you weren't going to leave me." You mutter quietly.

When he doesn't respond, you turn your back on John and flick the lights off.

* * *

= Be John Egbert

**DAY FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY.**

You are once again John Egbert. Which means you're now dead for the… two hundred and forty-ninth time? Something like that?

You don't know. You've lost count.

Tonight you're running laps, but with the addendum that Tavros is using you as his own personal riding horse.

"Faster, John! Faster!" He cheers, digging his heels into your ribs.

"I – hate," You huff heavily. "You."

"Now, now, Egderp. That's no way to talk to your assistant coach." He grabs a fistful of your hair and tugs your head to the left. "Let's go around those rocks over here."

You jog across the sand, over a slight hill, and around the clump of red stones. The edge of Tavros's biome is a few yards away and beyond that the void stretches out for all eternity. You have an overwhelming urge to toss your rider into the abyss, but resist the temptation.

That sort of back sass would probably earn you few more pushups. You know the ones, the type of pushups where Vriska lies on you back and yells rude things about your mother. You suppose that the angry, stereotypical, jar-headed coach approach is supposed to be motivating, but really it's just obnoxious.

"Why are you stopping?" Tavros asks when you, indeed, begin to slow. "Did I tell you to stop, John?"

"No." You admit. "I was just wondering if you could tell me who lives there."

You nod your head towards the large, red apartment complex that's floating next to Feferi's and Sollux's fishbowl/castle/beehive/home. All of the trolls have their own various hives and homes, but that building is just… there, with no occupant as far as you know.

"That's none of your business." Tavros answers indignantly. "You're here to train, not to ask questions."

"Maybe if you answered some of my questions, I wouldn't be so curious." You snap back.

"If you wanna know so bad, just ask Vriska."

"I did and she won't tell me either."

"Well then…" He pauses for a moment, and then continues nervously. "If you must know, Vriska told me explicitly to not tell you who lives there."

You're stunned.

"Really? Why wouldn't she want me to know?"

"That's between you and her, isn't it? I just do as I'm told."

"I bet you must feel _real_ satisfied with your life then." You growl.

"Wow, since when did you become so bitter?" Tavros chuckles. "And like you're one to talk by the way, you've been jumping through hoops for her too ever since you booted up this game."

"Whatever." The truth in his words only darkens your mood further.

"Oh, chin up, Egderp. You'll learn your place one day, just like me." He tugs on your hair again, urging you forward once more. "And to answer your question, yes. I am satisfied with my life."

"Or death?"

"Yeah, you know what I mean."

You jog the rest of the way around the outer edges of Tavros's dream bubble and then make a beeline straight for his hive. Vriska is waiting on the front porch, stop watch in one hand and a tall glass of something that looks like lemonade in the other.

"Forty minutes." She comments, clicking the stop watch as you approach. "What happened? Did you guys stop to pick daises?"

"Nope. If you ask me, he's starting to wear down a bit." Tavros steers you over to his chair and you lower him down into it.

"That's probably enough for tonight anyways." Vriska steps forward and you reach out to accept the lemonade, only she gives it to Tavros instead. "Sorry, Pupa. It's important not to replenish liquids after a hard workout, so that you have a buildup of slime deposits."

"I don't think you understand how humans work." You groan, collapsing onto the front steps. "Vriska, I think I'm gonna die. Like for real this time."

"Nonsense, you're doing fine." She plops down next to you and throws her arm around you shoulders. "Why don't you wash up at the well and meet me upstairs? We have a few hours before you gotta wake up, right?"

You look at your wristwatch and confirm that you still have a little over three hours before Jade is supposed to wake up.

"Yeah, okay." You stand up, a little wobbly on your feet, and meander your way over to the well around the back of Tavros's hive. As you're splashing cool water in your face, you suddenly get the oddest feeling that someone is watching you.

"Sup." Gamzee grins toothily at you when you look up.

"Hey." You respond.

"Is Tavros around, man?"

"He was out front last time I checked."

"Rock n roll, man. Take it easy." He lumbers away across the sand and you wait until he's gone before going back to washing your face.

Gamzee seems tame enough in the after-life, but you've heard enough about what he's done in the past to be weary of him. You hadn't asked his opinion on Nepeta after she murdered him. One, because that seems rude, and two, because Tavros told you to never bring that up. Apparently it sets the berserker troll off.

After you're dripping wet and feeling wonderfully cool, you make your way back into the house and up the ramp. Vriska is waiting in her room.

"Shut the door and come in." She doesn't even offer you a towel. She stands up and begins fooling with buttons of her jeans. "Are we doing the bed again or are you finally feeling man enough to try the recuperacoon?"

"Bed please." You pull your shirt over your head and fold it nicely, before setting it on the floor. As Vriska comes over and gets started on your belt, you speak: "Hey. Is it cool if I ask you some questions again?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"Well, a few things actually." You step out of your trousers. "But first, can you tell me again what happened to Eridan and Nepeta?"

Her hands come to a halt, gripping the elastic of your boxers.

"I already told you everything I know." She answers evenly. "All that stuff happened a long time ago."

"Yeah, but…" You rub the back of your neck. "Can you just- Can you just stand up please? I can't really talk to you when you're down there."

She laughs and straightens up. With a firm grip, she guides your hands to the hem of her shirt. You pull it up and over her head, past her horns, with practiced ease.

"I understand what you're feeling, John." She moves close, until skin touches skin. "But there's nothing you can do to help your friends…"

"I… If- if you just explain it again…"

"They're safe right now. You're safe right now. Isn't that all that matters?"

You don't respond at first. You buy yourself some time by pulling off her sunglasses and revealing her ruined eye. A tangle of dark hair instinctively falls over the jagged scar, but you brush it up, tucking it safely behind her ear.

"Yeah. I guess it is."

Her hands come around your back and you hiss quietly when her cold, metallic fingers dig into your skin.

"Anything else?" Her voice is low and husky.

"Who lives in those apartments?"

Her breath comes in a short, sharp burst that brushes against the hairs on your chin and neck. Vriska looks at you with a cold glare.

"I told you not to worry about that place." She says.

"But…"

"John!" Vriska seizes both of your hands in hers, demanding your full attention. "Do you trust me, or not."

You nod slowly.

"Good." She pulls you towards the bed. "Now I have a question for you."

"Okay."

Vriska's hard shove is as unexpected as always, and it forces you onto you back.

"Do you like this?" She asks, crawling atop you.

"Yeah."

Hands roam.

"What about this?"

"Yes."

Her eye gleams mischievously and the tip of one of her fangs pokes out from beneath her blue lips.

"What about… _this_?"

You're mind goes wonderfully, blissfully blank.

Later that night as you and Vriska intertwine together on the sheets, you can't help but wonder what sort of secret she is so intent on hiding from you.

Exhaustion hangs from your bones like the icicles on your roof in winter, but still you mind is alive with activity. These last two hundred days or so have been spent working your ass off under Vriska's tutelage, and in return you've gotten a bunch of riddles and mysteries to add to your growing collection.

The first time that you'd asked, Vriska had fervently denied explaining to you anything about Nepeta's and Eridan's deaths. It had taken a few months, a few favors, and a nice lay to get the words out. Now, when you ask for clarification, she's just twice as evasive.

You know the basic outline of what transpired on the meteor, the exile of Nepeta and… everything that followed. Visiting the void on a nightly basis, you know that none of your friends are dead. However that doesn't stop you from worrying about them. If only you could just talk to them, or even Nepeta or Eridan for that matter. Vriska had fervently warned you against traveling anywhere near their hive.

If only you knew who was living in those apartments….

It happens then, with Vriska snug in your arms and a pleasant warmth in your chest, you decide to stop jumping through her hoops and start setting up a few hoops of your own. With a plan in your mind, you slip away from you Matesprit and re-dress. You only have around half an hour now before you need to wake up and meet Jade, so you better be quick.

Out of the house, across the sand, through the void you run, carried aloft by nights upon nights of training and a desire to find the truth. You fly towards the red apartment complex and up to one of the windows on the highest floor, ignoring everything else but your destination.

When you peek through the glass, you're jaw drops. Quickly, you grab the bottom of the window and slid it upwards, finding it to be gloriously unlocked. The occupant inside has yet to notice your presence. They're sort of preoccupied at the moment:

"They're sippin on apple jay,

With a mouth full of cotton and a head full of DJ.

_Dee_, _aay_, _vee_, to the mother fuckin _eee_.

Chilling with his bro's watching MLP.

And yeah, they don't stop.

I'm here and this party just about to rock.

And yeah, we don't quit.

Hey man can you please drop some gangsta shit.

I jam rough and stuff with this red faced fuck.

Hand cuffed, you know, about to tear shit up.

I know what you're thinking, you can never beat I.

Come on ladies, you'll catch me like pink eye.

You ain't ever known someone like me, oh!

You think you can outrank, the overlord, me…"

It's then that Dave halts his rap and turns to find you floating outside his window.

"Oh. Hey, John." He smirks. "What's up, Bro?"

* * *

**This story is now over 200,000 words long. I don't even... what?**

**Fun Facts about John: Try to Understand :D**

**-Dave has died the most, a total of 166,890 times. John is a close second at 249. Jade is third with 2.**

**-You have never been: Equius or Nepeta.**

**-The song Jade and John play in chapter Thirty-One is Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass. They're band, Ignorant Rhubarb and the Pretentious Jelly, is also featured in another of my stories. **

**-Rose's real name is not Rosanne, Rosanna, Rosalie, Rosalia, Rosalina, Rosemary, Rosemarie, Rosario, Rosette, or Rosetta. At this point, only John and her mother know what it is. **

**-The Scratch was first mentioned in chapter two. It is now chapter Thirty-Five. We'll get to it eventually.**

**-This is stupid.**

**Thanks again to A Dreaming Songbird for beta-ing this chapter. And thank YOU for reading.**

**- Mike**


	36. ACT 4 - PART 8

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

**Thanks to Snowy the Sane Fangirl, Kuroi Kage X (who still catches all the references. all of them), and A Dreaming Songbird for reviewing.**

**Special thanks 2x combo to A Dreaming Songbird for beta-ing this chapter. (go read Darkness and Dreams before it's too late!) (you could die soon) (have a good day)**

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

**DAY FOURTEEN.**

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too…

Ugh, who are you kidding? It's _never_ a good thing to be you.

No matter what you've heard, even if you think you know, it is not good to be Dave Strider. Sure, it's a little fun at first. You crack some jokes, make puns, act arrogant, smash a few heads together, and then woo the ladies. Who doesn't wanna be a badass every once and a while?

But then there's the other side of the coin. You know the one, that side of the coin that's horribly scratched and disfigured, the side where all of the bad things hide, leaving the good side sparkling and pure.

There are times nowadays where you find yourself roaming the rocky hills around the temple by yourself, looking up at the stars with an expressionless gaze behind dark glasses and just wondering…

About John. About Jade.

About Bro.

Where is he? Is he okay? What is he doing? Does he still want to want to kill you and your friends? How will he even know where to find you? Will he even still care about you if you bump into him again?

All questions and no answers, a running theme in the sci-fi, space opera that is your life. You haven't seen your Bro since the first battle for The Scratch on LOHAC, where he fought John, where you saved his life, and where he spared yours. He'd disappeared, as much a phantom as ever, leaving you to simply wonder as to his whereabouts.

You kick a stone a few steps ahead of you, then abandon it in favor of counting out the seconds once more. Fighting the subconscious desire to vocally keep track of time has proven to be fruitless. It's much easier to embrace the crazy than to try and resist if. If you can't beat them, join them, amiright?

"Fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty, one, two." You scrape your sneakers as you ascend a hill. At the very top, you get down and sit crosslegged on the jagged stones. "Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two."

If your Bro were here right now, he'd probably have already found a way off this meteor. You don't know how, you just know that he would. Bro takes care of business like that.

Not that everyone else here hasn't been trying. In the three days after Nepeta's exile, everyone has been setting their sights on the next problem: escape. Sitting around, waiting for John and Jade to show up (if they ever do), just isn't cutting it for everyone. You're a group of action-oriented people, therefore you must act.

Equius in particular has been working around the clock in a makeshift lab that he scrounged together. Closed off with thick, plastic curtains, his silhouette can be seen bustling around all types of machinery. You assume that he's building a space ship, although it's hard to tell exactly. The one time you peeked in, the place just looked like one, mechanical, wiry, mess. No one's bothered asking him either. It's like he's also been exiled in a way. Everyone just seems to want to give him space at the moment, you included.

Dude probably has some major aggression to work out, so it's probably best for you to be out of his impressive reaching distance.

Footsteps on the rocks draw you from your bottomless well of thoughts. You turn to see that Harley is struggling his way up the loosely packed stones.

"Stupid old man." You mutter. "He's gonna bust his ass out here."

"Not if you give him a leg up!"

Oh shit, apparently he heard you.

Grumbling enough to make Karkat proud, you stand up and stretch, before carefully traversing the hill down to his level.

"Here, take my arm." You say, extending your elbow. "That way if you fall, I'll be dragged down with you."

"There's a good chap."

The pair of you slowly continue towards the top of the hill.

"What are you doing out here, Harley? Don't you know it's dangerous?"

"Not any more dangerous than where I used to live."

"The island?"

"You betcha," He nods around the grey landscape. "Both were isolated, but beautiful in their own little ways, both deserve to be explored too."

You snort at his words.

"Well explore away, pal. Let me know if you find any diamonds or beach resorts. I've been looking all over for them day and night."

As you reach to top, he gently pulls away and points towards the sky with his remaining hand.

"No need for sarcasm, Sonny. This place ain't much at the ground level, but…" He nods with his head. "Just stop for a moment, Son, and take a gander at this."

You follow his pointing finger and see the massive expanse of stars stretching overhead like some great blanket of blinking light.

"Wow, stars. Someone call the news."

"Take off your sunglasses and look again."

You turn to Harley and find him staring at you intently.

"No." You look away again.

"Why not?"

"Because…" You shrug. "Just cause, man."

"Suit yourself." Out of the corner of your eye, you see him look skyward once more. "But you sure are missing out."

Psshh. What the fuck does this old bat know about anything? You're Dave Fucking Strider. You've worn shades since birth. You aren't about to whip them off just to go star gazing with your main girl's old pop.

And yet...

The way he's looking towards the sky now, with unabashed wonder and amazement, piques your curiosity. What's so cool about the damn sky? Why is he so interested?

More questions. You hate questions.

"Fuck it." You pull off your shades.

The sky and everything around you erupts into vibrant color. Harley's green coat looks infinitely more green, your red pants are more obnoxious than ever, and the sky… the fucking _sky_, man…

It's not just black, intermitted by little white specks of light. There are deep purples and blues, violent reds and clashing golds. The whole thing reminds you of that Van Gogh picture which looks like he painted it whilst celebrating four-twenty with reckless abandon.

"Wow." You breathe before you can stop yourself.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Harley agrees. "In its own little way."

His words remind you that he's there. You quickly re-don your shades, hiding once more in the cover of darkness. The world seems more manageable with panes of glass between you and it.

"Can't deny that smashing view, huh?"

"Yeah." You turn to leave. "Think you can make it down on your own?"

"Nope."

"Ugh." You slouch to a stop, almost to the edge of the hill. "Well then do you wanna come with me?"

"No." He waves you back over. "I'm not done yet."

"Well hurry it up. Some of us got places to be."

When you come back within reaching distance, he puts a hand on your shoulder and steers you over to his side.

"Look up, Dave." He says. "And don't worry about the future. Don't be rushing off to do something else. Live in the present and just think."

You roll your eyes.

"About what?"

"About whatever comes to mind." His eyes grow distant. "For me it's God."

"Wonderful."

"Are you a man of God, Dave?"

"No."

He pats you twice on the shoulder and the soft impacts burn more than any fierce fist-bump from your Bro.

"That's alright, I suppose. Do you mind me asking, why?" His voice is even and not demanding in the slightest. Still, you begin to sweat.

"I dunno." You shrug once more. "Shit just doesn't seem real."

"By _'shit'_, I assume you're talking about religion, right?"

"Sure." For some reason, you're starting to talk. "I mean, with all the crap we've seen and done, how can there be a God? Doesn't it seem like he would have done something before me and my friends blew up our planet? I've seen the afterlife, man, and trust me: there are no pearly gates."

"Oh yeah," Harley nods with understanding. "The most common of all the rubbish arguments. _'If God is real, why haven't I seen him?'_ That's as old as time itself, you see? That young Rose lass told me about _'the void'_ or whatever you chaps call it. You've died before, right?"

"Yeah." You remember the feeling of Jade's lightning bolt blasting you in the chest when you leapt to defend your Bro. It had burned like a hot iron, an intense pain that had rippled through every muscle of your body. You shiver at the memory.

"And you mean to tell me, that in that moment, you did not feel The Lord's hand in yours?"

You turn from the sky to look into Harley's eyes. You see warmth and openness, and all other sorts of disgusting fatherly-things.

"No." You answer. "No I did not."

He's silent for a moment, simply staring into your shades as if trying to scrutinize every detail of the black glass. You feel uncomfortable under his gaze, like you've got something to hide. You don't though. The old man already knows that you have a massive boner for his granddaughter. What else do you have to worry about?

"I see." Harley eventually says with a slow nod. "It's alright to feel that way."

"What way?"

"Like you aren't worth his time. Most blokes feel that way. What you got to realize is that you _are_."

"Psshh." You snort and step away. "Fuck, man. What the hell's your problem? Did you come up here to just to sprinkle me in your religious bullshit? What makes you think that you know what I'm _'feeling'_? You don't know the first thing about me."

You expect him to go on the defensive, or to at least show some signs of injury from your partially barbed words.

"Well, this is me trying to get to know you." It's his turn to shrug. The nonchalant movement doesn't suit him. It seems too forced. "I'm just asking a few questions is all."

"No. It seems like you're trying to convert me." You start towards the temple. "If you wanna know where I stand with the big man, then get out a pen, because here it goes: I think it's best that me and whoever's pulling the strings just stay out of each other's way."

"Come on back, Sonny."

"No." You glance over your shoulder at him. "And stop calling me that. I'm not your _son_, and you're sure as hell ain't my dad."

"Dave." His footsteps tell you that he's giving chase. You stop at the crest of the hill, not wanting to risk him tumbling down behind you. "Dave, just hold onto your trousers for a second."

"My trousers have never been held tighter."

"That's good." He grabs your shoulder again and turns you around. "Now listen up. I don't want us to have any more rows. You and I are stuck here together for the rest of the foreseeable future and the way you and I hit it off now, may depend on whether or not I let you continue to see my Jade when we meet up with her again."

"Why are you even considering letting me and Jade be together?" You demand. "Don't you know that I'm an insufferable prick?"

He chuckles at that.

"You know what, Dave? I think you're only trying to fit into the shoes of an insufferable prick. You have a capacity to be good, and brave, and genuine. I belive that." He motions towards the sky. "Sometimes you just gotta take off those sunglasses and see what other people see."

"I think I'm gonna throw up at how cheesy this is."

"Well then get that out of the way, cause there's more where that came from." He grabs onto your arm and motions for you to lead the way down the hill. "I just think that you should know, Dave, that I'm proud of you."

This catches you off guard, causing you to stumble over your next step. You brush it off though with a quick cough.

"Uh… What for?"

"For accompanying that young alien fellow to get rid of that young alien girl." He says. "Not many people would have done what you did that day."

"Well…" You look away so he won't see the grin tugging at your lips and focus your gaze on the dimmed stars. "I can think of a few."

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

**DAY TWENTY.**

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently in the process of alchemizing some sweet new gear. Nothing too fancy, just a little something to spice up your sparse living quarters. As an accomplished witch and psychologist, you understand the emotional and mental impact of being in the company of things that make you feel at ease. There's a certain magic that comes with a soft blanket, a cup of tea, and the latest, weighty tome containing various facts about the zoologically dubious.

For a grim witch, you sure do appreciate the creature comforts.

The Alchemiter is relatively easy to manipulate. Using what leftover grist your group has available, and a few miscellaneous ingredients, such as a hand knitted pot holder and some of Kanaya's spare fabrics, you can create something new.

Like a blanket.

With a high-pitched whine, the Alchemiter spits your new, plushy blanket into your lap.

"Perfect." You allow yourself a small smile and hold the cloth up to the light. "It's utterly perfect."

You can already imagine this fine example of craftsmanship draped over your cot, waiting for one of the slow days when you can give it the attention it deserves.

Namely: snuggle the absolute snot out of it.

Huh. You guess it's ironic that the only thing you feel comfortable snuggling with is an inanimate object. Late nights, curled up with your mother by the fire were never a thing, you didn't have a big, warm dog to pile atop of in your bed, and until now you've never been in a relationship with anyone where you deemed such intimacy appropriate.

Kanaya isn't much of a spooner either. Every article of clothing that covers her glowing skin, down to her lacy knickers, are constructed of the finest fabrics, never to be wrinkled or dirtied in any way.

Least of all by your disgustingly plain body, which contains about as much sex appeal as a rotting piece of road kill.

Kanaya has never said this of course. She probably hasn't even thought it either.

You know full well that your poor body image is simply within your own mind and that Kanaya finds you perfectly attractive. It's just hard to block out the negative thoughts sometimes.

Thoughts of Kanaya lead you to the next, most rational course of action: actually going to talk to her. Seriously, what else are you going to do? Sit here and admire your blanket? If you go talk to your Matesprit, there might actually be a chance that you'll get to test this bad boy out.

If you know what I'm saying. (wonk)

(wink*)

With a sigh, you remember Kanaya's words from over a week ago. The whole _'trolls cannot forward their relationships physically without a blessing from their partner's lusus'_ is a real drag. You wonder how John and Vriska became intimate without such stipulations. Probably because both of their guardians are dead, or because Vriska just doesn't give a shit and John is too emotionally weak to stop her.

Your stomach rolls uncomfortably when you think about John and the possibility that he and Jade might be dead. You feel sick and the thoughts of John being with Vriska don't help in the slightest, quite the opposite. If you could talk to him now, you'd remind him of how manipulative and evil Vriska can be, how much of a bad influence she was, and how much of a bitch she is.

If you could talk to John you'd tell him… you'd tell him a lot of things.

Clutching your blanket tighter, you stand up from the Alchemiter and make your way towards the center of the temple. Not many people are inside at the moment. Equius can be seen behind those curtains of his, working tirelessly on some mysterious project, and Terezi is sitting at the table, laughing loudly with Dave.

"Hehe. No, no, no." She's saying as you approach. "His horns are waaaay shorter than that. They're more like _this_."

You see that they're bent over a sheet of paper, drawing a rather crude picture of Karkat getting familiar with an extremely phallic looking construct. Such childish exploits don't amuse you normally, but with your new blanket under your arm, you'll award them a small smile.

"Stretching your artistic legs, I see." You comment, bending over Dave's shoulder.

"We were playing tic tac toe." He replies as he colors in Karkat's sweater. "But after Tz licked the page for the fourth time, I decided our efforts best spend elsewhere."

"We're gonna put this on the fridge!" Terezi cackles happily. "Right, Dave?"

"Damn straight."

You nod in appreciation and make a mental note to take it down before your mother or Harley get a good look at it.

"I'm sure Karkat will enjoy that very much." You say and then skip to the point of this conversation. "Is there any chance that you've seen Kanaya around anywhere?"

Dave taps his chin with his pencil for a moment, exchanges a look with Terezi, and then turns to you.

"She came by a few minutes ago, asking to see our mom. I told Kanaya that she was outside by that rock that looks like Randy Newman."

You raise your perfectly shaped eyebrows in surprise. That's certainly interesting.

Not the Randy Newman rock. That's old news. The Kanaya tidbit.

Kanaya: Looking for your mother, without you, without your consent, without even talking to you. There could only be one reason for such behavior. She is going to circumvent you completely and tell your mother everything about your relationship together.

How childish, how meddlesome, how very… Kanaya.

"I see." You purse your lips. "Excuse me."

Dave looks at you nervously as you back away. He's obviously thinking along similar lines as you, albeit more worried about whatever drama he might have accidentally caused by being honest with you. Terezi goes immediately back to drawing, howling like a manic, as you make your exit.

Outside the temple, you can see Karkat standing by himself against the wall, arms crossed, with an air of complete and total teenage angst swarming around him like a hive of bees. Before you even open your mouth, he jabs a thumb around the side of the temple.

"Over there, by the Nandy Rewman rock." He says darkly. "Tell Kanaya I said _hi_, okay?"

You don't pause to correct Mr. Newman's name. His words have given you bigger fish to fry.

"Why don't you tell her yourself?" You immediately catch onto the subtext of his words. "If you feel that your relationship with Kanaya is threatened by our Matespritship, then simply make an effort to spend more time with her. Don't mope around and sass me just because you lack the spine to back your words with actual action."

He rolls his eyes.

"Wow, Lalonde. Great perception skills. Once again you impress us all with your vast knowledge of obnoxious shit." He pushes off the wall and brushes past you. "I'd hurry up if I were you. Kanaya can be a real chatterbox sometimes."

You have the urge to turn on him, whipping out your wands and blasting him with a well aimed spell. However, you let him pass. He's right, of course. You're bad mood and anxiety is causing your piecing words to only grow in stopping power, not to mention your lack of sensitivity.

In the future you'll make an effort to reconnect Karkat and Kanaya. Right now though, you have a tea party to break up.

When you round the corner, both of the women are sitting on the ground with their legs folded up beneath them. They're both smiling, Kanaya's is warm and genuine, and your mother's is plastic and forced. Hopefully you aren't too late.

"Rosie!" You mother cheers when she sees you. "Come have a seat darling, we were just talking about you."

"Is that so?" You give your mother your sweetest smile.

Kanaya's eyes are pointedly fixed on the ground.

"Yes, yes." Your mother continues. "Kankan here was just telling me what a fantastic knitter you are. Of course I already know this. You should have seen her room, Kankan. It was littered with these little knitted socks and scarves. How adorable!"

You grit your teeth as Kanaya laughs lightly and smiles once more at your mother. This is coming to a stop right now.

"I'm sorry, mother, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to steal Kanaya away for a moment." You speak calmly in harsh contrast to the fire raging in your chest.

"Whatever for?" You mother pouts horribly. "We were just getting to know each other finally."

"You'll have plenty of time to bond later, but for now." You motion to Kanaya. "I need to speak with her. Come, Kanaya."

You turn and start towards the temple entrance. After a moment, you stop, having come to the realization that no one is following you.

"Kanaya?" You look at your Matesprit.

She's still folded delicately on the ground. So elegant and regal is her appearance, she could have easily been sitting in a gilded throne as opposed to the grey dirt.

"I think I'd rather stay and talk with your mother, if it's all the same to you." She says. "We are having a nice conversation after all."

Her lyrical voice is like a soothing song to your ears. However you don't want to be soothed right now. At the moment, you're craving confrontation.

You thrust your new blanket towards her.

"I have a question about alchemizing." You lie. "As a patron of fashion, I was wondering if you could give me some advice."

"That can wait." Kanaya replies sweetly. "Come and sit down, Rose."

If you grind your teeth any harder, you're pretty sure that they are going to crack.

"Yes, Rose." You mother grins and pats the ground next to her. "Come and talk with us."

"No." You hold your chin up high. "Kanaya, you will accompany me."

"You know what? I don't think I will."

"Kanaya."

"Rose."

You stare at her. She stares back. Tension builds between the two of you like the flames of a great bonfire. If you don't get out now, you're liable to get burned.

You'll appreciate that metaphor later, after you've absconded.

"I have to go." You say curtly "I'll see you both later."

Your mother's mouth opens, but you pretend not to notice. Turning on your heel, you start towards the temple entrance, this time determined not to stop or look back even if your life depends on it. Orpheus has nothing on you.

Suddenly, slim fingers wrap around your arm and you don't have to look to know that it's Kanaya. A small smirk forms on your lips, like a fly to honey, you know she couldn't resist the temptation to give chase. She's not the type to leave something like this hanging in the air over the pair of you.

"Rose stop." Her voice is firm and a little wobbly at the same time.

You try not to feel too satisfied.

"Yes?" You ask, affording her your full attention. You wait for the apology.

"That was very rude what you did back there." She says crossly. "Ignoring your mother, ignoring _me_. Is it really such a chore to spend time with her? You're acting like a spoiled wriggler right now."

You resist the urge to throw your head back and laugh.

"Oh, Kanaya." You grab her hand. "It's almost funny how quickly she's gotten under your skin. My mother is indeed the smoothest of all the operators. Tell me, how did she take the information of our relationship?"

She pulls her hand away and folds it under her arms.

"I haven't told her yet. I was hoping you'd relay that information yourself."

"And I will. In time." You try to take her hand again, but she steps away. "Kanaya what is it?"

Her face is still hard, like she's determined to argue. However you can notice the slight wobble in her bottom lip.

"Are you ashamed of me, Rose?" She asks.

You've suddenly lost the urge to laugh in her face.

"What? Kanaya- No. No of course not." You stammer. "That's not what's happening here at all."

"Then what is happening?

You sigh heavily and press your hand to your forehead as if checking for a fever. Taking a second to organize your thoughts, you try to appeal to her good judgment.

"I simply do not wish for her to know about us at the moment." You begin. "There is too much going on now without adding that to the mix. It would be easiest for everyone if that information stayed between those in which it concerns."

"You don't think it concerns your own mother."

"Not enough for you to take matters into your own hands like this." You point back to where you mother is probably still sitting alone. "That woman is my problem and mine alone. I'm not upset, but I truly think that you should learn your place here."

"My place?" She echoes incredulously. "Do you realize how you sound right now? Setting up ground rules, calling for me like that. It's almost as if you see me as some sort of…. Some sort of pet!"

You're eyes widen. This is quickly getting out of hand.

"How can you even assume such a thing?" You hiss, trying to covertly remind her to keep her voice down. "I would have thought it was obvious that I hold you in the highest esteem."

"Then why do you act like my opinion does not matter." She shoots back. Her skin is steadily glowing brighter and brighter. "Has it occurred to that big brain of yours that maybe _I_ would like to forward our relationship some time before the next sweep?"

"And you think I don't? We would have ascended well into the ranks of intimacy if you weren't so desperately clinging to some outdated, overly formal, nearly barbaric code of morals."

Her mouth hangs agape and her hand rises to her chest as if scandalized. It would have been comical if it wasn't the most unfunny thing in the world.

"How _dare_ you." She gasps. "Who do you think you are to insult my culture, my heritage? Just because you insist on acting like a wriggler does not mean you have the same reprieve as one. You should know better than to be so crass."

"Crass?" It's your turn to sound incredulous. "You want talk about crassness? How does going behind my back to convene with _my_ mother sound for crass? I specifically asked you to respect my choices and my privacy. John would never…"

"Aha!" She cuts you off with a shrill shout and jams her finger into your chest. "There it is! There it is! John Human Egbert would be a much better Matesprit than Kanaya Alien Maryam!"

"What!? NO!" Why had you said his name? Why were you even thinking _that_ name? What on earth even possessed you to say that? "You've got it all wrong. Just let me start over. Let me explain!"

"You've explained enough, Rose, more than you even know." All the firmness is gone from her face. Now there's nothing but soft skin and watery eyes. "You're not happy with me and I… I have known that for a long, _long_ time."

You lunge and take her hands quickly before she can move away again. Shit is clearly hitting the fan, meaning it's time to go for broke.

"Listen to me, Kanaya." You plead. "I am happy with you, very happy. The reason I do not wish to tell my mother about us is because she's singlehandedly managed to ruin everything that's brought me happiness in life since birth. I do _not_ want her to ruin _this_ too."

Kanaya looks away from you, towards something that you can't see clearly, a blurry shape in your peripheral vision. You turn to not just see your mother, but Dave, and Karkat, and Terezi, Harley, Equius, all standing there with various expressions of shock and surprise. Apparently your private conversation had grown a little too loud, and is hence: no longer private.

"Rose…" Your mother is pale in the face. "Is that true? Have I really done that to you?"

"M- Mother." You blink furiously, trying to keep your vision clear. You look between the group and Kanaya quickly, trying to formulate some sort of words. Your Matesprit's face is streaked with silent tears and she's staring forcefully at the temple wall. "Kanaya?"

"You don't have to worry about your mother ruining this too." Her voice cracks as she speaks. "You've done- a fine job of that yourself."

Then she pulls her hands from yours and takes her first steps towards her group of friends.

"Kanaya." You reach out for her. "Kanaya, are you… breaking up with me?"

She does not grant you another look. Kanaya races forward, parting the crowd and disappearing into the temple. The dam breaks and tears fall from your eyes like the April showers. Slim arms wrap around your shoulders and you bury your face into the familiar, martini-scented scarf wrapped around your mother's neck.

You hide from the humiliation, the shame, and the world. For the first time since before you can remember, you cry into your mother's arms and do not care.

* * *

**Welp. I just want all of you to keep in mind: I love Rose, I love Kanaya, and I love Rosemary. This was difficult to right, but I went through it anyways, for a number of reasons, some that should be obvious, and others that will become obvious in the future. This was hard, partially because I dislike writing arguments, and because KANAYA LITERALLY HAS NO OTHER ROMANTIC PROSPECTS. (at least in the flushed quadrant) You could say Kan/Vris is a thing, but within the context of this story, I don't think either of those characters have said more than one word to each other. **

**There will be more Rose and Kanaya interaction in the future. Along with more Dave and Grandpa interaction. (which was my favorite part of this chapter)**

**The way things are going now, this Act is looking to be the longest of the bunch, with two different groups having two different stories which travel upon the same timeline. Things should flesh out nicely in the end. (or maybe not)**

**Thanks for reading and thanks A Dreaming Songbird for beta-ing again. ****(⌐■_■) **

**- Mike**


	37. ACT 4 - PART 9

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

**Thanks to A Dreaming Songbird, laineywillis3, and WhovianNightFury13 for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be John Egbert

**STILL DAY FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY.**

You are John Egbert. Which means it's time to reconnect with an old friend.

"Do you want something? Some AJ? A slice of pizza? A Long Island Iced Tea?"

"Uh… I'm fine. Thanks."

"Suit yourself." Dave sinks down in the chair across from you and with a snap of his fingers, summons a large pizza into existence. "You know, John." He rolls a slice into a tube shape and then shoves the whole thing into his mouth. "This whole '_being_ _dead_' thing isn't really as bad as everyone makes it out to be."

"Really?"

"Yeah, man. Really." He reaches for a third piece. "You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. No one's here to tell you off. You just… _chill_. I've had so much time to just chill, man. You wouldn't even believe."

"But isn't it lonely?"

He chews thoughtfully for a moment, and then shrugs.

"I've got some good company."

As if on demand, the door opens behind you, admitting in another Dave.

"Sup, Bro." Second Dave says, walking past your table and towards the fridge. "Yo, Dave-616. I'm pretty sure it's your turn to do the dishes tonight."

The Dave you first encountered snaps his fingers.

"Consider it done, Dave-1610." He says with a smirk.

"That's my, boy." The second Dave makes his exit, a bundle of apple juice cartons wrapped safely in his arms. "Take it easy, John."

"Yeah… you too." Your answer is automatic and a little weak. There are just too many things bouncing around in your head for you to be as personable as you'd like to be.

Dave-616, the one sitting across from you, continues speaking.

"See what I'm saying though?" He snaps his fingers once more. "This place is like magic. That right there, that was me doing the dishes and sweeping under all the beds. I am god, John. It is me."

"How can you do all of that by just," You try to snap your fingers, but fail. You'd never learned that particular skill. "Snapping your fingers? I thought imagining stuff was supposed to be hard."

"Oh that's just these troll chumps. They lack the same imagination as you and me." Dave leans back in his chair, an almost grin smeared over his face. "They're still struggling to make sticks and stones, but me: I had this place built in under two minutes. Well, I say _me_, but it was actually _us_."

"Yeah, how many of you are there anyway?"

Once again, the Dave named Dave-616 appears to wrack his brains for a moment.

"Last roll call we had, it was well over a hundred thousand, almost two maybe. That was a while ago. I forget the exact numbers."

"Wow." You breathe. "That's incredible! So you guys have just been hanging out here the whole time?"

"Hanging out, and kicking back, my living friend." Dave-616 raises a tall glass of liquor in a mock toast. "I'd be a filthy liar though, if I said I didn't miss you, Bro. What the hell have you been up to?"

"Oh, geez. Where do I begin?" You tell him about the golden airship and the past four hundred and twenty days you and Jade had spent trapped upon it. "I don't know how I would have survived these last few months if I wasn't coming here to hang out with Vriska. Oh shit. Vriska!"

"What?"

"She didn't want me to come here." You explain. "Every time I asked her about this place, she just brushed me off. Why though?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He suddenly leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Little Icky Vrisky doesn't want her pet hanging out with the other dogs. Exposure to fellow members of your species means that all her hard work has a chance of being undone. She thinks I'll try to convince you to stay away from her."

"Will you?"

"Hell fucking yes!" The table rattles loudly when he slams his fist down on its surface. "Are you an idiot, John?!"

"Yes." You sigh.

"That's right. You are an idiot. You've been playing into her hands for so long you don't even know which way is up anymore." His index finger prods your forehead viciously. "You've got it stuck in your noggin that you're _supposed_ to like this chick. When really she's about the worst thing that has ever happened to you."

"How though?" You plead. "What's so bad about her? Well, I mean, besides some of the obvious stuff."

Dave shakes his head.

"I'm not giving you the answers, John, not this time. That doesn't seem to have any impact on you at all. What you're going to do right now is this: you're going to list to me all the reasons Vriska might be a _'bad news bears'_ for you."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"Well, I dunno." You exhale deeply and ponder his command. "She's… killed me before."

"Yes." He holds up one finger.

"But that was for my own good." You defend. "She was helping me reach God Tier."

His finger doesn't move down.

"Keep going, John." He says.

"Ugh. I guess she…" You rub the back of your neck. "She killed Tavros too and sort of took over his home in the after-life."

Dave raises another finger.

"She likes to have sex a lot, sometimes when I'm not in the mood."

Another finger.

"She curses at me pretty regularly and Tavros too. It's like she just keeps him around to berate him.

One more.

"These past few months she's been working me non-stop. It's like she's training me for the galactic Olympics or something."

"Yeah, I've seen you running laps down there. The perfect little lapdog." He nods towards your biceps. "Although I can't deny the results. Nice guns, Smith and Wesson."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now continue."

"That's it." You say. He raises his eyebrows over the top of his shades. "What? It is!"

"I got six more fingers here, John." Dave waves his hands in front of your face. "And I know you got way more reasons than that."

You sigh. When you first saw Dave through that open window, you hadn't thought that this would be how your first conversation would go. Hell, you didn't know how it would go. It's just that dissecting your relationship with Vriska was something you'd never thought you'd go through with Dave.

Rose maybe, but not Dave.

"She's lies to me a lot."

"About what?"

"Well… She said that whatever was in these apartments was _'none of my business'_, but it totally is!"

"What makes you say that?"

"You're my best friend, Dave!" You explain. "Of course I'm at liberty to know if a hundred thousand _you's_ are hanging out within a hundred yards of _me_."

"Why do you think?" Dave-616 leans forward more, ever closer to you. "She would want to hide this little tidbit of information from you?"

"For all the reasons you just said. You'd try and get me away from her."

"And why would she so desperately cling to you, John?"

"Because she loves me."

The confident smirk that had adorned Dave's face ever since you first saw him falters. As if a switch has been flicked, the snide grin is gone, replaced with a grim line of astute seriousness.

"She wants you all to herself, John," He corrects. "Because you're the only one that she can trust to bring her back to life."

"Well, yeah. She asked me to get the ring, but…"

"But what?" Dave's face is now so close to your own, you're pretty sure he's no longer attatached to his chair. "Face it, John. Everything she's done to _'benefit'_ you so far has been a not-so-secret ploy to forward her own selfish agenda. You've been played, my friend, like a human yo-yo."

You squeeze your eyes shut behind your thick-framed glasses. Was Dave right? Was everything Vriska had done for you just something that _she _wanted? Everything certainly seems like it. From Rose's initial warnings against her, to the troll's fierce dislike of her, and then Tavros's blatant jabs about her, everyone has been telling you that Vriska is bad news.

When you'd fist talked to her, face to face, she'd pulled you away on a mission to kill Jack Noir. She had forced you into God Tier to make you stronger, raising her chances of victory. She had slept with you, to satisfy her own lustful desires. She had commissioned you into finding the ring, to bring her back to life. And now she was training you, to be her ultimate tool.

"Is it sinking in?" Dave drawls in your ear.

With a low moan, you bury your face in your hands.

"God dammit, Dave." You voice is hoarse. "Just… god fucking dammit."

His hand is on your shoulder, rubbing gentle, soothing circles into your muscular knots.

"There, there, Bro." He's saying. "Pesky feminine whiles are not easily detected, let alone avoided. It could have happened to any one of us."

"That's the worst part." You groan into your hands. "It _could_ have been any of us. She could have taken Jade on that stupid mission, or you. Then me and her would never have been together. I'm not special at all."

His hands fingers dig into your hair and force your head upward, brining your eyes to meet his dark lenses.

"Listen here, Egbert." Dave growls. "You are special. You're cool and you're nice and you're special as all fuck. And if Vriska's going to treat you like dirt then… just screw her man. Screw her all the way to hell and back again."

"Dave…" You look to your friend. "What do I do?"

"Leave." He answers. "Forget about Vriska. Go back to my Jade. Keep her safe, keep yourself safe, and when you finally reach that meteor, give Rose a big 'ol romantic kiss right on those tightly pursed lips of hers."

You blink dumbly at him.

"Wh- What was that last part again?"

"Never mind. Let's just take one step at a time, okay?"

"Okay."

Dave returns to his chair and when he offers you a drink again, you graciously accept.

"Step one," He begins, as you down your glass. "Wake up and don't come back."

"I can't leave without talking to Vriska, at least one more time." You wipe your mouth on the back of your hand. "She needs to know that I've figured her out."

"No." Dave says immediately. "If you get within arm's reach of that siren again, you'll be trapped back in her web. You have to get the hell out of dodge, John."

"But what about you? I wanna talk to you more."

"There's a version of me still alive, right? Just talk to him when you see him next time."

"But that's going to be _years_!"

"Life's hard, John." He conjures up more drinks. "Especially when you're suffering from Strider Withdrawal."

"Yeah," You gulp down your second glass. "But other than that. I still need to talk to Nepeta or Eridan, or _both_. There's still so many questions that I have about what happened on the meteor."

"You don't know what happened after Nepeta's exile?"

"Vriska told me the basic outline, but I'm almost certain now that she's leaving something out."

Dave's face goes from perpetually neutral, to slight frown.

"Does Jade know?"

"What?"

"Did you tell Jade about what happened on the meteor? Does she know…"

"No." You cut him off. "She doesn't even know that I've been coming here every night."

"You should tell her."

"I know." You groan again with the unfairness of the world. "So wait, do you know what happened there?"

"Dave-982 talked to Eridan after he showed up, and then the news was spread to the rest of us." He explains. "Nepeta's made it clear that no version of me, alive or dead, is allowed within thirty feet of her. Like I'd go anywhere near that crazy bitch anyways, geez."

"Do you know anything about what happened, other than what Vriska has told me?"

"I think the outline is good enough, John. Everything else you should find out for yourself when you get there."

"Wow, thanks for nothing."

You check your watch and find that it's now twenty minutes later than when you were supposed to wake up.

"Oh, shit." You stand up. "I gotta go."

"Alright, just remember what I said." Dave rises as well. "Forget about Vriska, just focus on getting you and Jade to that meteor in one piece, got it?"

"Got it." You extend your hand towards your friend. "Take care of yourself, Dave."

"You too, Bro." Dave grabs your hand tightly in his. "Listen. If you tell Jade that we're here, just… don't let her come, okay? Don't let her die again, especially over something as stupid as seeing me."

"But don't you want to see her?"

Dave retracts his hand and stuffs it roughly into his pocket.

"I think that all Dave/Jade interaction should be kept within the realm of the living. There's one Dave alive, and there's one Jade alive, and that's the way it should be." He scrubs his shoe into the carpet. "Plus, there's a reason that one Dave survived. He's the best, and Jade deserves the best."

You stare at him for a moment, evaluating the weight of his words. You want to tell him that Jade would be happy with him too. That it's more of a coincidence than anything else that _that_ particular Dave survived while all the other's died. You want to tell him that _he_ deserves Jade just as much as any of the other Dave's.

Instead, you just nod and turn to leave.

Climbing out of the window once more and floating away, you wait until you're out of sight before streaking towards Vriska's and Tavros's hive. Like hell you aren't going to talk to her one last time before you leave forever. This might be the last chance you have to get some concrete answers out of her, about your relationship, about _everything_.

When you touch down on the front porch, Tavros is waiting.

"So." He grins and nods towards in the general direction of the apartments. "Did you like what you saw?"

"Shut up." You brush past his wheel chair and head through the front door.

Vriska is lounging on the bed when you come in.

"Oh. Hey there, Pupa. I thought you would have left by now." She stretches luxuriously, like a cat. "So, ready for round nine?"

"No." You say. "No, I don't think I am."

Vriska looks over to the wall, where a large, spider-themed clock hangs.

"Well it's too early for a work out. What do you wanna do?" Suddenly a look of discomfort washes over her face. "Fuuuhh, you don't want to _talk_ again do you?"

"Actually I do."

With a sigh, she sits up and scoots over to the edge of the bed.

"Fine." Vriska pats the empty spot next to her. "Take a seat and open your heart up to me. I am you're therapist, John. It is me."

You ignore her offer. You stand right in front of her and glare with all of your might into her remaining eye.

"I went to the apartments." You say. "I saw _them_."

Instantly, her face darkens.

"Oh." She stands up and begins to collect her clothes, making herself decent once more. You stand and watch her move about the room, waiting for her to continue talking.

She doesn't.

"Well?" You demand. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm sorry that you had to see that." She comes over to you and reaches for your hand. You step out of her reach. "John, it's okay. You can talk to me about it. That's what you want to do, right? Talk about it."

"Yeah, I wanna talk. I wanna talk about how you've been _using_ me all this time."

Her mouth opens slightly and her eye widens, before narrowing sharply.

"Is that what _they_ told you?" She tilts her head to the side. "Is that the sort of bullshit that they filled your head with."

"The only thing _he_ did, was to point out all the bullshit you've put me through." You start to pace. "Killing me, training me, it was all to improve _your_ chances of success."

"Yours too, John." She counters. "Do you think you would have gotten this far if you weren't in the God Tiers? And how about now? Now that you're stronger than ever, you stand a better chance of winning!"

"Dave told me-"

"That wasn't Dave! That was a copy of a copy of a copy of your friend. He lied to you."

"Dave wouldn't lie to me." You feel anger bubbling in your gut like hot magma. You hate that feeling. You hate being angry. "You told me not to go to those apartments, because I would find out the truth about all this. You want me all to yourself."

"John, you moron!" She shrieks. "I didn't tell you about those apartments because I thought it would make you upset! Don't humans get all soft when then they see a dead friend? I didn't wanna find out how much it would fuck you up to see a _gazillion _dead friends."

"Stop trying to confuse me!" You grab great fistfuls of your hair in frustration. "Dave said that you were just manipulating me and I have to belive him!"

"You'll believe your brainless, dead friend over your own Matesprit." Vriska thrusts her thumb into her chest. "_I_ haven't been helping you this whole time, John, which is much more than can be said for him. What has he done for you, really?"

You think back, all the way back to the beginning. A Dave from an alternate timeline had called you and warned you not to trust Terezi, since she was leading you to your death in a sick joke. You'd trusted Dave then and it had turned out alright. You and Dave are friends, best friends and Vriska is…

"Do you love me?" You blurt suddenly, completely ignoring her question.

"What?"

"Do you love me, Vriska. Or not."

Her face twists with confusion. She hadn't been expecting this.

"I'm flushed for you, John, if that's what you're asking."

You shake your head roughly.

"That word doesn't mean anything to me. The quadrants, the friend-love, the hate-love, I don't understand any of that." You take a step towards Vriska, almost pleading. "Put it into words that I can understand. Please."

Her face goes from confusion, to an unfamiliar emotion, something soft and almost warm. Then, just as quickly, it hardens once more.

"No." She says.

"N- no?"

"No, John. I'm not playing that game with you." Her metallic finger jams into your chest. "I've very well made it plain how I feel about you. I've told you things that I've never told anyone, you've seen me in ways that I would never let _anyone_ see me, and you have the unmitigated _nerve_ to demand that I spell it out for you? Are you really that selfish? Are you really that _stupid_?"

"I'm not stupid." You shove her arm away. "And I don't think it's selfish, after everything I've done for you, to ask for a simple _'yes or no'_ answer."

"After everything _you've_ done for _me_." Vriska echoes. "What have you done for me, John, besides waste my gog-dammed time? You were _nothing_ when I found you and I made you _something_. This is how you repay me? With this bullshit paranoia and interrogation?" She turns, shaking her head. "Get the fuck out, John."

"What?"

"Get out of my house."

You don't move. You just stare at the back of her head, into that mass of tangled black hair, and wish with all of your heart, that you had the power to peer into her skull and see exactly what she was thinking. Vriska turns to face you.

"What do you want?" She steps closer. "Do you want me to put it into _'understandable terms'_?" Her nose brushes against yours. "Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me."

You back away from her and turn towards the door. You'll almost over the threshold when something slams into the wall next to your ear. After flinching violently, you look down to see that a simple, blue box about the size of a envelope has fallen at your feet.

"That's for you, by the way." Vriska sneers. "Try not to fuck that up too."

You stoop and pick it up gingerly.

"I'm sorry, Vriska."

"Yeah, well don't be." She sinks back onto her bed and after a moment, speaks again. "I… I thought you were different, John. I really did. I thought that you were _special_."

You open your mouth to say something, but before you can even formulate a full response, she finishes her thought:

"But you're just like everyone else."

Clutching the box tightly under your hands, you turn towards the door once more.

"Goodbye, Vriska."

And then you wake up.

The bath water has long turned cold and stagnant, sitting with the unimpressionable stillness as a pane of glass and the frigid, sense-sharpening effects of a winter breeze. For a moment, you're tempted to just lay in the water, half-submerged and shivering, until the airship arrives at the meteor and you're forced to face the world once again. The moment is shattered by a cold voice.

"Hey there, brother dearest." Jade's voice is like steel. "Have a nice _trip_?"

You turn in the water and look over the edge of the tub to see Jade sitting on the counter, a large revolver resting on her lap.

"Are you going to kill me again?" You ask.

"I'm thinking about it." She says, tapping the gleaming weapon with her finger "How the next few minutes pan out depends on whether or not you have a good explanation for all this."

You rest your chin on the edge of the bathtub, steadily dripping water from your beard and hair onto the floor.

"I've been killing myself every night for the past… two hundred or so days, so that Vriska can teach me to be a badass."

"I thought it would be something like that." Jade nods. "Is there any reason you decided to keep these little excursions a secret?"

"I didn't want to make you angry." You sigh. "I didn't want you to be worried, and I didn't want you to be jealous. I was stupid. I am stupid. And I won't be doing it again."

"Why not?"

You want to tell her, but you don't. Instead you just sit up straighter and lean against the back of the tub. It's then that you notice the box floating down at the opposite end of the bathtub near your feet.

When you lean forward and grab it, Jade notices it too.

"What's that?" She slips from the counter and kneels next to the tub. "Are those drugs? Have you been hiding drugs from me too?"

You don't answer that question. Opening the lid of the box, you find a single card resting on a pile of shredded paper. It's a captchalogue code, which reads:

_82THE8TH _

_You've 8een working hard, so I got you a little reward. I know that you can use this to m8ke something awesome, John! I 8elive in you._

_L8ve,_

_Your m8sprit, Vriska_

"John?" Jade's hand gently shakes your shoulder. "What is it? Are you okay?"

You turn to your ecto-sister, with pitiful tears dripping down your face to mingle with the chilled water below.

"I'm sad, Jade." You mumble. "I'm really sad."

Her long arms wrap around your shoulders and you're suddenly being smothered in long hair and warm sibling. Through blurry eyes and askew glasses, you stare hard at Vriska's damp gift, still clutched tightly in your hand, and wonder, not for the first time, who and what you are supposed to believe.

* * *

**Welp. I just want you all to know: I'm a fan of John, I'm a fan of Vriska, and I'm a fan of Spider8reath. This was hard for me to write, but I went through with it anyways for a yada yada yada yada...**

**GRIMDORKS**

**In all seriousness, there will be more John and Vriska interaction in the future, but the story is progressing at a rate where I cannot justify keeping their relationship stationary. Things have to happen and since I'm writing this story, I'm making it happen. The era of sinking ships is upon us. Long live Dave/Jade.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**- Mike**


	38. ACT 4 - PART 10

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

**Thanks to A Dreaming Songbird, Kuroi Kage X, wisdom-of-me, and SleeplessMemories for reviewing.**

* * *

= Be Jade Harley

**DAY FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY-ONE.**

You are Jade Harley. Damn, does love hurt.

"You know what?" You plop down in the sofa next to John and thrust a mug of coffee into his hands. "I never liked her anyways."

"Mhmm."

"Like eight pupils. _Really_?Talk about weird, amiright? Even by troll standards." You take a sip from your own mug, enjoying the pleasant buzz from the hot drink, and ignoring the wet mustache now on your upper lip. "And those horns. They look like they're sharp enough to cut though just about anything. You could probably use her dumb head as a can opener. Haha!"

John sighs and rests his untouched mug on his knee. He's staring intently at Vriska's gift, still clutched tightly between his fingers.

You watch him for a moment, cursing his emotional frailty and your inability to make good coffee. Well, _you_ like your coffee, with its copious amounts of froth and high sugar content. John usually complains about how sweet it is, that is, when he isn't mopeing about one thing or another.

These past months, you've gotten sick of him acting like a vegetable. You aren't going to put up with it anymore.

"Give me that." You quickly snatch the card out of his hand. "You aren't going to get over her by just staring at this stupid piece of plastic."

"It's only been a few hours. How do you expect me to get over her?" John reaches for the card, but you hold it at arm's length. "Gimme that back, Jade."

"So you can keep making _'kissy'_ faces at it? I don't think so." You scoot further down the couch, away from him. "If you ask me, we should throw this thing in the blender."

"No! She gave me that for a reason."

"Yeah. To torture you! Face it John, Vriska is a smart bitch. She knows that by giving you a parting gift that you'll think about her every waking moment." You grip the card between your hands, preparing to snap it in half. "There's only one way to get rid of her forever, John."

"No!" He lunges forward and wrestles it from your grasp before you can bend it properly. Jumping to his feet, John retreats to the other side of the room. "Do you ever think before you act!?"

"All the time." You jump to your feet as well. "And right now I'm thinking that you're off your rocker. You need help. Let me help you."

"I'm not crazy!" He cradles the card to his chest. "Just listen to me for a second, okay? She gave me this card while I was dead and now it's here when I'm alive. I brought it back with me. Somehow Vriska knew that was possible."

"Of course. Anything's possible when you believe." You advance towards him. "It's not anything special, John. It's just another one of her manipulative ploys. Hand it over."

"But it could be useful! She said that I can make something awesome with it."

"She's been lying to you forever. How can you believe that this will be any different?"

"You didn't see her." John defends himself. "Right before I left she… she looked at me like I was the _bad guy_, like I had hurt her, and maybe I did. Shit. I need to go talk to her."

You dive forward and wrap your arms around John's shoulders. He cries out in surprise as you drag him to the ground and pin him under your knee, sending the card sliding across the smooth floor and out of his reach. Whatever _'training'_ Vriska was supposed to be giving him isn't much compared to your **Stellar** **Lass Grapple!**

"Stop struggling." You command and immediately he falls still. "You are _not_ going to kill yourself again. You are _not_ going to lie to me again. You are _not_ going to shove that card into our Alchemiter to see what it makes. And you are _definitely_ _not_ going to think about Vriska anymore. You said it yourself, John: you and her are over."

"Mumph mo muh mah!"

"What? Oh sorry." You lessen your grip and allow him to pull his face out of the floor.

"You don't know that." He repeats.

"Know what?"

"That me and her are over." John looks up at you with wide, pleading eyes. "I've gotten so much contradictory information recently that I just don't know what to belive. You all say that Vriska is evil, but when I talk to her she just… explains everything, you know? Like she justifies herself and I feel like maybe you're all wrong."

"John." You shake your head with exasperation. "If it comes down to _'who do I trust more'_, shouldn't the answer be obvious? I've been your sister for a long time now, and your friend before that too for as long as I can remember. Vriska shows up, rattles your bones, and now you're willing to follow her to your death?"

"She's helped me…"

"She's helped _her_." You cut him off. "We talked about this, John. Vriska has a reputation for being a liar, a murderer, a manipulator, and a bitch. Me, other the other hand, I'm your family. Isn't that enough?"

John gives a small moan and drops his head against the hard floor with a solid _thunk_. His eyes rest upon the card, discarded on the floor several feet away.

"You're right." He mutters. "You're all right. Dave is right. Rose is right. I'm just… wrong and stupid and lame and…"

"Human." You pat him lightly on the cheek. "You're human, and above all, you're a dude. I'd be more disturbed if you _weren't_ so susceptible to her feminine wiles."

With a second pat, you push yourself off of him, snatch up the card, and return to the sofa. Tucking the card safely under you leg, you turn to find that John is still lying on the ground, simply staring at the floor.

"The reason I got into that argument with Vriska in the first place was because I met one of the Daves." He blurts randomly.

"I beg your pardon." You stop with your reclaimed mug halfway to your lips.

"In the void there's this red apartment complex. It's full of all the dead Dave's from that one battle. You know the one, the one battle where all those Dave's showed up and fought Jack Noir's army."

You take a thoughtful sip from your mug.

"That apartment complex sounds like Karkat's wet dream." You say with a giggle.

John shifts his attention from the floor, to you.

"This doesn't disturb you?" He asks. "The fact that a gazillion copies of your boyfriend are trapped in limbo, I mean."

You tap your chin for a second, buying time to formulate a reasonable answer that he can comprehend.

"I had a lot of time to think while you were busy doing a good impression of a comatose patient." You eventually say. "I did wonder what had happened to all those Daves. Like, did they all cease to exist, did they return to their own timelines, or did they become part of ours and end up in limbo. Now I have my answer."

"So… you aren't disturbed?"

"No, John. I'm not." You shrug. "What do you expect me to do? Run and dive headfirst onto a knife just so I can go say _'hi'_ to him? Yeah, I miss Dave, but… but I know I'll see him again one day."

You're eyes must go a little distant, because John is suddenly coughing to get your attention. He's now sitting against the wall, as opposed to being folded into a heap on the ground, and looking at you with a deep frown.

"I, er…" He rubs the back of his neck. "I haven't been a very good friend to you, Jade. You were here all by yourself when I was sneaking away every night to hang out with Vriska. That wasn't fair and I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Well," You sigh and tap your nails against the side of your mug. "I can understand why you did it. I'd do anything to get off this ship, even for five minutes." Fixing John with a shrewd gaze, you continue: "But you're still a giant fuckass for hiding it from me. I'll need at least two more full days before I can even consider forgiving you."

"I suppose that's fair."

"Damn straight, it's fair."

He grins at you and you smile back. For the first time in a long time, your chest is starting to feel less heavy. As if you're slowly pulling away layers and layers of wool blankets, eventually coming up with nothing between you and the outside world. With John by your side again, you just might make it the rest of the way to the meteor.

"Come on." You stand up and hold one hand out to John. In the other, you hold Vriska's gift. "Let's go say goodbye."

In the kitchen, the pair of you search for about five minutes before you realize that neither of you have yet to alchemize a blender. Eventually, you rifle through a drawer and recover a box of matches.

"Here," You thrust the matches and the card toward John. "You can do it."

Gingerly, he takes them. His hands fumble with the match box for a moment, but eventually he liberates one. With the match resting against the striker, John takes a deep breath and makes one last effort to change your mind.

"Doesn't it seem silly to just get rid of this though?" He flicks the card with his finger. "Like what if the code is for something _really_ useful?"

You shake your head, no.

"We don't need anything from _her_. Do it, John. I know that you can."

Swallowing hard, he strikes the match and holds it beneath the thin piece of plastic obediently. The fire doesn't catch onto it fully, but slowly the corner curls onto itself, blackens, and falls away. The rest of the card follows as such, until there is nothing but a smoldering match, a pile of ashes on the floor, and memories of a girl with one eye.

"It smells like shit." John proclaims.

You pretend not to notice when he wipes the corners of his eyes on his sleeve.

"Why don't you head into the game room and load up a movie or something." You offer. "I'll sweep this up, make some pop-corn, and rendezvous with you for a night brimming with B-Grade movies!"

"Sure." He starts towards the door, shuffling his feet and staring at the ground. No sooner has he passed the table though, when he stops suddenly.

"What is it?" You watch his shoulders stiffen. "John?"

He turns to look at you. His face is as white as a sheet, his mouth hangs agape, and his eyes are the size of tea saucers.

"I'm…" He begins. "I'm- getting a call?"

You blink at him for a moment.

"What?"

"Someone's calling me." He taps the frame of his glasses and stares straight ahead, focusing on his lenses. Now that he mentions it, you can see a bright, violet flash of light streaking across the eyes of his glasses.

"Who is it?"

That's a good question. Who would be calling John? As far as you know, you aren't even halfway to the meteor yet. Is it possible that the rest of your group were able to send out a message?

In response to your question, John quickly pulls of his glasses and rests them on the kitchen table between the two of you. The glasses stop flashing violet and instead emit a high pitched screech, followed by a lot of static.

Then words.

"…_.. John, it's Rose….. I need….. Help…. So much….. John… You and Jade…Quick as possible…. Please..."_

It's a message and with a final _squawk_ of static, it ends. You and John share a look and you're nearly a hundred percent sure that his pale face of fear and confusion is a perfect reflection of your own.

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

**DAY TWENTY-ONE.**

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too. You're one of the last people in the universe that is part of a healthy, working relationship.

Well that's only if you consider _'billions of miles away on a golden space ship' _healthy or working, or even a relationship. Regardless, the way things look at the moment you and Jade are the last couple left standing, which doesn't do much to deflate the egregious amount of hot air currently swirling around in your skull.

God damn, you miss Jade. That comely babe is probably the only thing keeping you sane right now.

Well, that and your brotherly responsibilities, which are currently calling upon you.

In the hours after the very public and very embarrassing fight between Rose and Kanaya, things in the temple have been a little… tense.

Karkat's own protective gambit has been sent into overdrive, pushing him to disregard whatever positive thoughts he had about Rose in favor of bashing her every chance he gets. Kanaya appears to find this annoying, simply preferring to put the matter behind her with as little trouble as possible.

Terezi surprisingly sides with Rose, stating that she and Kanaya should have just pailed and gotten it over with. Equius is predictably nonplussed by the whole thing, only investigating the initial shouts just to make sure no one was dying, before returning to his lab/lair/tent of mysteries.

Seriously, one of these days you're gonna ask that beef cake what he's getting up to in there. After all this secrecy, it better be something cool as hell.

The older humans refused to comment on the matter. Mama Lalonde had taken Rose directly inside the temple and hid her away in the deepest, darkest recesses of your home. Neither of them had made an appearance as of yet.

Harley was predictably more poetic and frustrating with his response:

"If you ask me, Dave." He said. "You youngsters are just too little still to be bothering each other with this relationship jibber jab. The only reason I'm willing to give you and my Jade a free pass is because you're both responsible young chaps."

You'd been quick to tear down your and Terezi's crude picture of Karkat off the fridge after that. A little comedic relief is no reason to jeopardize your responsibility credibility.

_Responsibility credibility._

Even when you aren't trying to rap you're still a bad-ass.

Speaking of the break-ups, responsibility, and relationships, it's time for you to responsibly make use of your relationship with Rose to patch together this messy break-up.

**BROTHERLY INSITINCTS ENGAGE.**

You couldn't be any more cooler if you tried.

Trekking to the rear of the temple, you find Rose and her mother, sitting together on a cot with a rather nice blanket spread across their collective lap. You quickly decide that this is a scene where your presence is not needed, but before you can make an escape, they spot you.

"Dave!" Mrs. Lalonde smiles brightly at you. "There you are! Come have a seat."

You look from the mom's beaming face to the daughter's deathly scowl.

"I don't know." You start backing away. "There's… things I gotta do. So many things. You can't imagine how many things there are."

"Oh, I'm sure they can wait." She waves you over vigorously. "Come. Let's have our first ever _family_ meeting!"

Rose's face darkens considerably, but you're used to her grim aura by now. What wards you away the most is Mama Lalonde's flashing teeth and the excited way she pats the spot on the bed next to her. It's almost like she _wants_ you to be there.

Well… who _wouldn't_ want you around? You're Dave Fucking Strider after all.

It's just the way she said _family_, like it's already been decided. Sure, you can joke around with your new _mother _about all sorts of cliché, sitcom-esque tropes. Calling her _mom_, pretending to be her _son_. It's all in good fun.

Until now.

Now your palms and forehead are in a fierce competition to see who can generate the most sweat in as little a time as possible. You're mouth is dry, your head is itchy, with every breath it feels like your lungs are growing heavier and heavier. It feels like you're having a panic attack.

"Yeah…" You say. "Yeah, I'll sit down. Why the fuck not?"

You wobble over to the bed and sink down on Mrs. Lalonde's other side. Instantly her thin arm wraps around your shoulder and pulls you into her side. A small grunt from Rose tells you that she's also facing similar treatment. It's like a big, hot, teenage sandwich stuffed with vodka sodden organs and sculpted hair.

You are one of the two slices of bread. It is you.

"Isn't this wonderful." Mrs. Lalonde sighs. "Together at last. Haha."

"So good." You mutter. Her surprisingly strong fingers are gripping your bicep. The burning sensations they give off heavily remind you of Harley's fatherly pats from a few days prior. "I've never done this before." You blurt suddenly.

"I beg your pardon?" Mrs. Lalonde asks.

"Well I mean…" You see the blonde curve of Rose's head as she leans around her mother's bosom to regard you oddly. "I've never… Uh, I've never been with two beautiful ladies at once before."

Oedipal subtexts aside, you're performing up to your usual standards as a smooth operator. That more than anything, even Mrs. Lalonde's raucous laughter, begins to calm your nerves.

"Oh, Dave!" She shrieks, throwing her head back with mirth. "You're such I comedian. I can't even handle it sometimes."

"Me neither." Rose hisses from the other side of the cot. "It's almost too much to bear in some instances."

"Well if you can't take the heat." You shrug and lean back, quickly getting comfortable between the wall and this woman. "So, what were you Chatty Cathie's talking about before I swooped in to brighten your day? Girl stuff?"

"Something like that." Mom giggles and pulls Rose in tighter. "I've recently been made aware that a great deal of my time with my daughter has been… wasted. It may be a little late to patch up the old grievances, but I feel like trying to keep new ones from popping up. We were just talk about how much a filthy skank Kankan is."

Whoa. That escalated quickly.

"I've told you, mother." Rose sighs. "Kanaya is not in the wrong here, it is me. And no matter what television has taught you in the past, verbally berating your child's former romantic does not in any way count as _'supporting them'_."

"All I'm saying is that she shouldn't have broken up with you like that. Part of being in a relationship is talking things out, you know? Making your partner see things the way you see them."

"Indeed."

"In fact, I think that you should go talk to her right now!" Mrs. Lalonde jumps up suddenly and, holding Rose's hands in hers, tries to pull her daughter off of the cot.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Roes deadpans as her mother uses her arms like a kid playing double-dutch. "Kanaya needs some space at the moment and so do I. When we both have had chances to process the recent… events, then we'll come together and discuss our relationship as it stands."

Mom releases Rose's arms and they fall back down limply to her sides.

"If that's what you think is for the best." She says with a slow nod. The older woman proceeds to look between you and Rose for a moment, then her face brightens. "I know just what you two need: Some hot chocolate!"

You resist the urge to pump your fist in the air and exclaim an affirmative: _"HELL FUCKING YES!"_

"Sounds cool." You say instead, with a curt nod. Rose remains silent.

"Wonderful, I'll be back in a flash." She bends down and deposits a loud _'mwaah!'_ on the crown of her daughter's head before dashing away.

Rose waits until she is out of sight before turning to you.

"Leave, Strider."

"No." You lounge further against the wall. "Not without some scalding hot cocoa in my belly."

"She's not going to bring us cocoa, you idiot. Don't you see?" Rose leans closer to you, but her eyes slip out of focus. "This is just another one of her ploys. Leaving us together like this, she's confident that you'll draw some sort of emotional breakthrough out of me, releasing whatever dam of pent-up emotions she's perceived that I'm withholding."

"You know what I think, Lalonde?" You wag your finger at her. "You're just a paranoid bitch who's too busy looking a gift horse in the mouth to see that you've currently got it made."

"You think I've got it made?" She asks incredulously. "Have you not been paying attention to anything at all? We're stuck on this meteor, John and Jade are probably dead, Kanaya has just dumped me, my mother won't leave me alone…"

"God, will you all just please stop saying that?"

"What?"

"The whole _'John and Jade are dead' _bullshit. They're alive, you know that."

Rose gives you the most condescending, disappointed look she can muster.

"Dave… we don't _know_ anything. It's been _weeks_ and we haven't heard _anything_ from them. If they were alive, if they were coming, we would have heard something by now."

"They might be too far away."

"They're dead, Dave." She scoots back to her side of the bed. "Just accept it."

You stare at her for a while and simply wonder how anyone can be so screwed up in the head.

"What happened to you, Rose?" You demand. "Because this isn't the Lalonde I knew. You're not the type of person to accept defeat like this. You're a fighter, a thinker, a wizard or something. You clawed your way out of a Horrorterror pit, killed a giant riddle snake, and solved almost every problem we've faced so far with that big, stupid brain of yours. Stop being a brat for a second, and _think_."

"About what?" Her gaze is fixed upon her worn slippers.

"About… about whatever comes to mind." You slide closer to her across the bed. "For me it's you."

"Me?" Her head whips around to look at you.

"Yeah, you." You shrug nonchalantly. "And Jade and John and Bro and Terezi and hell, even Karkat. I think about _you_ and I remind myself that everything I do: I do for you guys. And if anything were to happen to any of you, then… I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

Rose opens her mouth to speak, but before she can begin, Mama Lalonde suddenly swings around the corner with two mugs thrust in front of her like a pair of delicious lances.

"Here you go, my darlings!" She sings, dishing out the goods. "Now, where were we?"

She plops herself down between you and Rose once more and looks between the pair of you expectedly. You sip your drink, savor the bitterly sweet taste, and watch the stripe of light blue that is Rose's headband (the only part of her that you can see from here) as it bobs almost lazily.

"I believe we were… patching up old grievances?" She speaks after a moment, almost quizzically. There's no sarcasm in her words, no subtext or hidden meaning. Rose is no longer Rose, she's some else.

Maybe someone hopeful.

And as daughter and mother begin to talk, you simply lean back, sip from your mug, and watch with a sly smirk tugging at your lips.

* * *

= Be Nepeta Leijon

**DAY THIRTY.**

You are now Nepeta Leijon.

You are tired, you are hungry, you are sad and angry and so many other confusing things that listing them would take too much time and energy, energy that you really don't have left to spare. However, out of all these negative things you're feeling, there's one thing that shines out and gives you hope:

You are not alone.

He'd come for you that first night, as you lay in the dirt exactly where Dave and Karkat had dumped you. Apparently he'd heard your screams and your tears. He'd heard you and decided to help. He'd kept you safe, if not always sound, and alive, if not always healthy.

In the weeks after your exile, Eridan Ampora has kept you company.

On the edge of your old friends' territory, the pair of you have stood, watching the temple and stalking the trolls and humans inside day after day. As you hold his hand, feeling his eldritch powers course into your flesh, you think about how silly Karkat was to kick you out and how stupid he's going to feel when he sees you again.

You think back to that first night, when Eridan found you:

"It doesn't feel good to be an outsider, does it?" His voice was deep, double-toned, as if hummed by a choir of angels. "I know what you're going through, Nepeta. Trust me on that."

He is… different. His grey skin is somehow darker, his eyes are pure white, and black, smoky essence rolls off of him in waves, electrically charging all the hairs on your body when he brushes past you.

"H- How are you here? I th- thought…"

"You thought I was dead?" He'd laughed, quiet and serious. "Aw, sweet Nepeta. I was not killed. I was reborn. The Horrorterrors are much better friends than Karkat, or even Jack Noir for that matter. They've taught me things you wouldn't belive, shown me secrets that would melt your brain, and promised me power so unimaginable and bad-ass."

"Are you going to kill me?"

"No. No, of course not." He had extended his hand to you. "I'm here to help."

Now, standing on the crest of a rocky hill and looking down towards your friends below, you finally bring up the courage to ask what sort of _'help'_ he's really willing to offer.

"I'm surprised at you, Nep. I would have thought after these days together, you would have learned to trust me." He answers when you voice your concern. "I only want to help you _help_ your friends to understand what a terrible mistake they've made."

He leans down, cups your chin in his hand, and presses his icy cold lips to yours. You shiver under his touch, the power the ripples between you and the odd lightness in your stomach.

"We're going to help them understand what their missing out on, okay?"

He pulls away and straightens up to his impressive height. His black cloak billows behind him in a non-existent breeze and his many golden rings glint like tiny suns. You tear your eyes away from him and look down and see that Karkat and Kanaya are walking together away from the temple.

You nod carefully.

"Okay. I trust you, Eridan, beclaws you're my friend."

"Mhmm."

Together, you start walking down the hill and towards the black temple.

* * *

**This is the only context in which I will ship Eridan/Nepeta. I don't hate any ship. It's just that Eridan/Nepeta has never really done it for me, you know? This next chapter will the be the final chapter in Act 4. The plan is for our group to be all together again by halfway through Act 5. Who knows though? Shit happens.**

**I almost got talked into getting a tattoo over the weekend, but decided against it. For a lot of reasons, mainly because I didn't have any money.**

**So I guess for those who review: Would you ever get a Homestuck tattoo? If so, what and where?**  
**I would want to get Vriska Serket, riding a motorcycle, whilst playing an electric bass and singing "How Do I Live" with lyrics floating all around her with music notes and stuff. I'd probably put it on my back or arm. Somewhere where there's a lot of space. I think it would be cool to have a whole sleeve of Homestuck tattoos and one tat of just barbed wire (for style of course)**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


	39. ACT 4 - PART 11

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

**Thanks to A Dreaming Songbird, WhovianNightFury13, laineywillis3, and ObsessiveFanFictioner15 for reviewing. **

* * *

= Be Karkat Vantas

**STILL DAY THIRTY.**

You are Karkat Vantas. And once again a third party has decided that you are supposed to be doing something that you aren't doing and is going out of their way to make sure that you do the thing that you were supposed to be doing in the first place.

Does that make sense?

In short: Terezi set you up on a "Friend Date" with Kanaya.

"You guys need to get out, you know? Reconnect. Hehe." The blind nutcase had said, ushering you towards the temple entrance.

"We don't have time for this sort of thing." You'd complained accurately. "There's better-quality shit going on."

Resistance was futile. Not only did Terezi ignore anything you said, screamed, or shouted, she was also fully prepared to manhandle you into submission.

"Just go out for a bit, make-out platonically, talk about how awful everything is. You need this, Nubs. _She_ needs this. You know how she's been mopeing around all over the place for these past few days. A change of scenery will help her get over Rose once and for all."

What was a change of scenery going to do? And really, what else is there to look at on this stupid meteor? More rocks?

The truth was that you actually _did_ want to spend time with Kanaya. However, coming to her now, with her relationship in shambles and a dark raincloud over her head, felt a little bit like cheating. Almost as if you've been waiting for things to fall apart just so you can swoop in to save the day. Hell, maybe you had been.

But when you really think about it, isn't a friend exactly what Kanaya needs right now?

Relationships are confusing. Maybe that's why you like them so much? Regardless, it was those thoughts that finally got you to accept Terezi's proposal and commit to this Friend Date. With the temple entrance a few yards away, you force Terezi to stop.

"What is it?" She asked. "You aren't bitching out on this."

"No. I'm fully prepared to go through with this colossal waste of time if it will get you to leave me alone and…" You catch yourself. This isn't what you wanted to say. "And I guess I want to say… thanks for this. If I'm being honest, this actually doesn't seem like all that bad of an idea."

Her face twists into that horrible, shit-eating grin that displays way too much teeth and at the same time your stomach begins to churn. Had you really just agreed to go through with another scheme Terezi has up her sleeves? You feel your traitorous words like acid on your tongue.

Her arms suddenly come up to wrap around your neck like a bony noose.

"Have fun tonight, Nubs. But not _too_ much fun. Maybe when you come back tonight, we can start working on filling another one of your Quadrants."

"What are you…"

She interrupts you with a quick, sloppy, horribly-aimed kiss that smears saliva across your jaw. You shiver as she pulls away, and furiously wipe your face on the sleeve of your sweater.

"Ta ta for now." She wriggles her fingers and dances away before you can curse at her, leaving you to grumble obscenities under your breath, which isn't nearly as fun without an audience.

What is she talking about? Filling _another_ Quadrant? At the moment, you don't have _any_ Quadrants filled. You've known for a long time that you and Terezi have unresolved flushed issues, and you'll deal with that eventually. Honestly, you plan on it.

But something about the way she says '_another Quadrant'_ gets your gears turning.

It hits you when you exit the temple to find Kanaya leaning against the outer wall. Her clothes are immaculate as always, although you can notice a slight ruffling in her hair and a distinct lack of jade lipstick. The breakup was hard on her too. She's just better at hiding it.

Anyways, it's when you see her that it dawns on you what Terezi is talking about. You're _happy_ to see Kanaya, like _really_ happy. She's one of your oldest friends, one of the few left alive, your first-mate, your trusted advisor, and potentially…

Potentially she could be your Moirail.

"Hey, Kan." Suddenly you're nervous. You aren't prepared for this. How can anyone be prepared for this? Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. "What's up? Got nothing better to do besides stand against the wall, looking all sorts of nonchalant?"

She regards you calmly, her arms folded across her chest and her head cocked slightly to the side.

"It's good to see you too, Karkat. I belive you know what is up." She speaks in that ever-smooth voice of hers. "Terezi has seen it fit for us to spend some time together…"

"Yeah. If you don't want to, it's cool. We could just…"

"And I agree with her that it might be an excursion well worth our while."

You pause.

"Really? I mean, you think so?"

"I don't see why not." She pushes away from the wall and joins your side. "It does seem as if we've been seeing less and less of each other as of late and in light of recent events, I'd prefer to keep what friends I have within close, metaphorical proximity."

"Oh, well _cool_." You lead the way away from the temple and towards the rocky hills. You don't have a destination in mind or really any conversational topics. So you just say what comes to mind. "This meteor really is awful, huh? I mean, everything is awful."

Kanaya laughs lightly.

"Something's never change. I can always count on you to be a glorious ray of sunshine." She says.

"Well if there's one thing I value, its consistency." You mount the crest of a hill and stand atop a rocky plateau. "I'm a cranky asshole, yeah. But I'd rather be me than a naïve ignoramus, a flighty know-it-all, an insufferable prick, or a waspish furry any day of the sweep."

"Really? You'd never want to try being a blind nutcase, a sweaty hunk, or a fashionable vampire?"

"Nope. There's a sort of satisfaction in complacency, if you know what I mean."

"I don't."

"Well that's alright. I sort of lost track of where I was going with this anyways."

Down behind you, the temple can be seen, a black square among a sea of grey. From your vantage point, you can see all around you for miles and you are awarded the sensation of having the ability to reach up and touch the stars, as if they are feet away instead of billions of miles.

Kanaya stands primly next to you, her deep green eyes fixed above and hands laced in front of her hips. She really is pretty. No one else seems to appreciate the extra effort she puts into her appearance each morning. While everyone else is concerned with just staying alive, Kanaya has the thought to make herself presentable and give everyone something pleasant to look at when times get a bit rough.

Not to say that she is vain, or not survival-oriented in the slightest. You've seen her wield that chainsaw of hers in the most fearsome of manners, hacking through imps like wet tissue paper.

She's a catch and you curse Rose for not seeing that.

"Are you okay?" You ask after a moment, surprisingly yourself by actually caring.

"I'm sorry?" Her head snaps to you quickly. Apparently she was momentarily lost in thought as well.

"I asked if you're okay."

"Oh, well I'm fine. Thank you."

"Not right now." You gesture vaguely around the hill. "I know that you're fine right now. I mean, how are you holding up? Are there any burning rage fires in your chest or icy claws wrapped around your heart, tearing away at your emotions until you're just shell of the troll you once were?"

She looks at you for a second, a word on her lips but an idea in her head, an idea that reminds her that you have better things to worry about than how she feels. You feel a hot bubble form in your chest.

"I'm coping." She says simply. "Break-ups are never easy, but I'm…"

"Stop." You cut her off. "Just stop there, rewind, and tell me how you _actually_ feel. The whole reason we came out here on this stupid _'Friend Date'_ was to talk, so just talk dammit. Don't worry about sounding stupid or pointless. I'm your friend, right? Tell me what's on your fucking mind."

A small smile threatens to puncture her lower lip with a fang. On instinct, she shifts her lips to avoid such an occurrence and her smile widens.

"Well then. Honestly, I feel terrible." She shakes her head. "Every time I see Rose I just want to… talk to her, you know? I want to apologize and ask for her to take me back. But then I just turn and walk the other way, it's like my body is fighting my mind, my heart. I try avoiding her, but how is that possible when you live within the same hundred square feet?"

"_You_ shouldn't be doing any apologizing." You say, jabbing her in the chest with a stiff index finger. "She decided that it was good idea to fuck everything up, not you. What you need to do is wait for her to come to her senses, and then shut her down completely when she comes crawling back on her hands and knees."

"How would that solve anything?"

"I've said it from the beginning, Kan. Interspecies relationships are nothing but trouble. Look at John and Vriska and tell me that that is a healthy relationship."

"It isn't."

"You're damn right it isn't." You shove your hands into your pockets. "I'm sorry to be rough with you, but this whole Flushed thing that you had with her was doomed from the start. It's just important that you know that."

"So are you saying that I shouldn't feel bad, since our relationship was doomed for failure anyways?"

"Sure. If that makes sense. Why the fuck not?"

"Hmmm." She thinks for a moment. "That's an interesting proposition that I had not considered before."

"That's why you need me around." You pat her on the shoulder in the friendliest way possible. "You and I are on different thought wavelengths. We complete each other."

Her eyebrow raises slightly.

"Oh… is that so?"

"Uh…" You've only just processed what you've just said and it's rather forward, pale implications. "Y- You know what I mean."

"I think I do…" Was she always this close to you?

"K- Kanaya?"

"Relax. I want to try something."

You can't breathe. This is the closest anyone other than Terezi has been to you in a long, _long_ time. As her face draws closer to yours, you have a sudden fear that she is going to try and kiss you. Terezi had been joking about the _'platonic make-outs'_… right?

Pale kissing isn't completely unheard of, just a little uncommon. If Kanaya is into that sort of thing… you don't know if you could go along with that. However, at the last second her mouth changes course, trails hot breath down your neck, and presses softly against the exposed skin above your collar.

Then her fangs pierce your skin.

Tremors run though your body in powerful waves. You feel like shoving her away, screaming and shouting at her, putting as much distance between yourself and her crazy ass as possible. This is wrong. It _feels_ wrong, as if someone is tickling your skin with a comb made of safety pins. You feel lightheaded, as if you might pass out and when Kanaya gives a low moan that vibrates your veins, your vision starts to swim.

"Oooh shiiiiiiiit." You gasp, wrapping your arms around Kanaya's slim waist in an attempt to stay upright.

If this is how you're going to die, sucked dry like a juice box by your best friend, then you suppose there are worse ways to go. At least after this you won't have to worry about whatever awkward, flushed conversation Terezi has for you when you get back to the temple.

Somewhere in the haze, Kanaya's hand finds yours and pulls it from her skirt. Two of her fingers press against your palm, a silent offering, an ancient question. You respond by curling the appropriate digits and pushing your index and middle fingers against her own, forming a perfect diamond shape.

Only then does she pull away with a sickening _squelch_ sound. A bloody mustache rests on her upper lip, right above the biggest smile you've ever seen and the sharpest, most gleaming fangs in the galaxy.

"That was…" She wipes her mouth on the back of her hand. "Delicious."

"Heh, yeah." You pull up the collar of your sweater, trying to retract your head entirely.

"I've been thinking about doing that ever since…"

She is cut off by a massive explosion that rattles the ground beneath your feet and threatens to burst your ear drums. Both of you turn quickly to see the temple shake dangerously and then slowly begin to collapse in on itself. Grey plumes of dust cloud down below, screams and shouts can be heard, and another deafening boom vibrates through the air.

It seems that you and your new Moirail will have to finish this date later.

You grab Kanaya by the wrist and tug her towards the mayhem, ignoring the hot, sticky mess trickling down inside your shirt and the horrible haze that still clouds your vision. The only people you still care about are inside that wreckage and as you dash clumsily down the hill, you pray that you won't have to bury anyone else.

* * *

= Be Dave Strider

**STILL DAY THIRTY.**

You are now Dave Strider. Good thing too. As D-Strides, you're the only person at this table who has any idea what they're doing.

"Don't look so dejected, gang." You say as you rake a large pile of poker chips towards your already over-flowing collection. "Texas Hold 'Em has a bit of a learning curve, yeah, but I think yall are getting the hang of it."

Terezi, who had just joined the last hand, folds her arms over her chest in frustration.

"It doesn't make any sense." She complains. "All the cards taste the same!"

"I told you we should have played UNO, instead." Rose is sitting on your other side, a similar look of frustration adorning her face. "_That_ game has the elegant simplicity that this group needs. There's no learning curve in UNO."

"Then you should go alchemize some." You begin dealing out the next hand. "Alright, everyone place their bets."

Everyone around the table, Rose, Terezi, Mrs. Lalonde, and Harley, exchange glances.

"I dare say you've run us out of chips, sonny." Harley says with a twinkle in his eye that would make Dumbledore proud.

God damn, you gotta stop spending so much time with Rose. Her nerdiness is rubbing off on you.

"I bet," Mom plucks a small pearl earring from her lobe. "One earring."

"No." Rose begins. "We're not going to start…"

"I raise you a pair of sick shades!" Tz whips off her glasses and tosses them onto the table.

"I'll call that." And before you know it, your own shades are piled atop Terezi's.

All eyes look to you, with the exception of Terezi who's gaze is off by a few feet. Rose and Mama Lalonde look slightly stunned, Rose more so as she's never seen you without your shades. Harley just gives another slight smile, unclasps the watch from his wrist and tosses it in.

Rose heaves a mighty sigh.

"Great," She mutters, pulling her headband from her hair and letting loose a gentle wave of blonde locks. "I'm playing strip-poker with my mother and brother."

"Oh. Lighten up, darling." Mrs. Lalonde tosses an arm around Rose's shoulders. "It's all in good fun. I'm sure this won't get out of hand."

Less than two minutes later you're sporting two pairs of shades, a headband, and a new watch.

"You know what." You roll the pearl earring across the table between your hands. "I think we should try Jenga."

"Seconded."

"Thirded!"

As Mrs. Lalonde rushes to collect the Jenga set, you lean over to Rose.

"Face it, Lalonde." You smirk. "You're having fun right now."

"This is… pleasant, yes." Rose looks in the direction her mother disappeared. "Although I can't help but wonder when everything is going to fall apart."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that everything is quiet now. There isn't a killer amongst us, there aren't any interspecies romances causing tension, there isn't even any strange mother-daughter paranoid dynamics anymore. Everything is just fine. It's quiet."

"Too quiet?"

"I wasn't going to say it."

Terezi's cackling draws your attention back over to her. She's talking excitedly with an awkward Harley. Out of everyone, the old man had the hardest time adjusting to their extra-terrestrial party members.

"I bet Karkat is totally losing his shit right now." She's saying. "I mean, he acts all angry and condescending all the time, but stick him with a potential romantic partner and he's a regular John Egbert. Hahaha!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" You snap. "John's about as smooth as they come."

Rose giggles quietly in response.

"You're loyalty is admirable, Dave, but honestly John probably couldn't woo his way out of a wet paper bag." She smiles.

"The only reason Vriska went for him was because there was no one else." Tz continues. "Anyways, yeah. Karkat's a total mess with this sort of thing. He'll be stuttering and sweating and oooooh. I wish I'd gotten Kanaya to film it."

Rose appears more interested in Karkat and Kanaya's potential relationship than jealous.

"I'm curious, Terezi. What does being someone's Moirail entail exactly?"

"Kanaya never explained it to you?"

"Well, she did. I'm just always interested to hear different opinions."

Tz cackles again.

"There are no opinions about it. Pale relationships are set in stone typically unless you're one of those freaks who blurs quadrant lines. Moirails balance each other out. They're platonic soul mates."

"Hmmm." Rose elbows you in the ribs. "Sounds a little bit like you and John, hmmm?"

"No way, sis." You shake your head. "Me and John are Bro's for life. It's a completely different concept, a part of something I like to call _'The Love Rhombus'_."

"The Love Rhombus?" Harley echoes. "That sounds painful."

"I thought a love rhombus is when three people all vie for a fourth person's romantic affection."

"Well, that's where you're wrong, dear sister of mine." You grab some of the playing cards and arrange them into the shape of a rhombus on the table top. "See this two of diamonds? That's _'Bro's for Life'_. Then you got the two of hearts, which is your '_Bone Partner'_, or the partner that you bone. And then you've got the two of spades and that's the most complex of them all: _'Babe who you have a one night stand with and never call again, unless she's a six or above'_."

Terezi shrieks with laughter, Harley simply shakes his head, and Rose gives you one of the dirtiest, most disgusted look you've received today.

"How poetic of you, David." She says. "To take something as intricate and complex as Troll Romance Quadrants and parody them in the most uncouth way imaginable."

"You're missing one, cool kid." Tz leans forward and sniffs the last side of The Love Rhombus. "What's the eight of clubs?"

"Oh," You smirk. "The eight of clubs is the _'radical, insane, call the cops, orgy association'_."

"Wonderful."

"I say!"

"What's an orgy?"

"I'll explain that later."

As Terezi descends into mad giggles once more, Rose casts about for her mother.

"She's been gone a while. Do you think she needs help?" She asks.

"Finding a board game? No. I think she'll be fine." You no sooner are the words out of your mouth then cold voice laughs loudly from behind you.

Both you and Rose turn in your seats and… Well, frankly you don't know what you're looking at.

Rose's Mother is being led forward by some troll dude in a cape and… is that Nepeta? Your confusion must not be an exclusive attribute, since Mama Lalonde looks about as freaked out as you feel. The only people who seem to grasp what's happening and react accordingly are Terezi and Rose.

"Eridan!" Tz shouts, jumping to her feet. "What are you doing here!?"

"Playing games are we?" The troll named Eridan laughs again, his voice layered with magic. "That sounds fun. I have an idea for a game."

Rose has pulled both of her wands from within her robes, leaving you feeling extremely foolish without your sword and clad in two pairs of sunglasses and a woman's headband.

You're ecto-sister's face is twisted into an angry snarl.

"Let her go, Eridan." She demands. Her eyes flicker between Eridan's sinister appearance and Nepeta, processing events much too quickly for your standards. "I'm sure that we can broach whatever issues we have without resorting to violence."

"You know what? I don't think we can." Eridan turns to Nepeta. "Go, my sweet. Go and bring them to me."

Nepeta nods and quickly scampers away towards the rear of the temple. You watch her run away, still too slow to process what is going on.

"The needles." You hear Rose hiss by your ear. "She's going for the _needles_."

The needles? Oh yeah, Echidna's Needles, the ones that belonged to that little snake that you crushed to death on LOFAF. The needles that you need to activate The Scratch. You know the ones, those really, _really_ important needles.

Nepeta must have told Eridan about them. Why would he want them though? Hell, who even is this guy?

You decide to shelve the issue for later, when your mom isn't a prisoner and Nepeta isn't stealing your shit. When you jump to your feet and turn to follow the cat girl, Eridan shouts once more.

"Nu uh!" He yells, raising his hand and pointing his fingers at your chest. "That's far enough, attractive male human. One more step and I'll blow you to little smithereens."

"Listen to me, Eridan." Rose says. "I know what it's like to be grimdark. The Horrorterrors, they tell you things, they say that they want to help, but trust me when _I _say: they are not your friends."

"They are more friends to me than these miserable excuses for trolls ever were." He nods to Tz. "And I will not hear any more of your talk Rose Human. Consider this payback for what you tried to do to me!"

Several things happen almost too fast for you to process. Rose fires a spell, Eridan fires a spell, Mrs. Lalonde screams, and then the whole earth shakes. Dust fills your vision and your mouth, and something hard collides with your shoulder, knocking you flat to the ground.

You hear more screaming, a girl, probably Rose and the annoying laughter that can only belong to Eridan. Digging into your impressive amounts of will-power, you push yourself to your feet and cast around in the dusty mess for your friends.

"Rose?! Harley?!"

"Dave!" It's Terezi. "Over here, Dave!"

You stumble over a broken chair and smash your nose into a wall that wasn't there before. The ceiling of the temple had fallen down into your path, completely smashing half of the card table and separating you from Terezi's voice. You feel along the jagged rock and slip past it to where Terezi is kneeling next to a prone Harley.

"Oh, shit." You drop down next to them. "Are you okay? Harley, what the fuck?"

"Dave." He's on his back, his eyes unfocused and his mouth agape. "Dave what happened?"

"Some heavy shit apparently." You quickly scan Harley and see that a large chunk of the ceiling is pinning him to the floor. "Terezi, help me with this."

You and Tz try to shift the rock off of Harley's legs, but to no avail. It's too heavy and you're more of a endurance guy then a strength guy. On the ground, Harley moans and tries to pull himself away.

"Ah, I can't move, Dave." He gasps.

"I know, man. I got it. Just give us a second." You push against the rock with all of your might. Still it doesn't budge.

A large hand grabs your shoulder.

"Care to explain what is happening, Strider?" It's Equius. You've never been happier to see the large troll before in your life.

"No time to explain." You grab the front of his shirt and pull him towards the rock. "Get this shit off of Harley and then you get him out of here, alright? He's probably hurt a little bit." You turn to Terezi next. "Where are Rose and her mom?"

"I dunno where your mom is." Terezi says quickly. "But I think Rose ran after Eridan."

"Alright. I'm going to stop Nepeta. You stay with Harley." As you turn and run through the dust, you hear Harley moan some more, Equius echo Nepeta's name, and another evil laugh in the distance. Somewhere through the wreckage, Rose is battling Eridan.

You pump your arms and sprint towards your cot, overturning the furniture completely, you snatch your sword from the floor and go back to running once more. You set your sights on the temple entrance, a vague shape through the dust-filled air. If you get out of the ruins and into open sky, you might just catch sight of the crazy cat girl or her evil, wizardly companion.

As you near the entrance, you see it. The scarf is burnt and torn, lying amidst a pile of ash. You squat and pick it up. Without a doubt, it's the same one worn by Mrs. Lalonde and without a doubt, you know that the woman will never wear it again. Glinting merrily through the pile of ash, you see a pearl earring, identical to the one now resting in your shirt pocket.

You drop the scarf and keep running. Fuck Nepeta, you're looking for Eridan now.

The outside of the temple is just as barren as always, although you can see now that there are sets of footprints leading towards the rocky hills. The sounds of a fierce battle urges you forward and you begin to follow the footprints. Up the hill you go, around a clump of boulders and…

"Oh," Nepeta is right in front of you, with Aradia's satchel under her arm and dust coating her stupid hat. "Dave!"

"Sup, Nepeta." You raise your sword.

"This is awkward." Claws protrude from her gloves with a metallic _snikt_.

"Not as awkward as that one time I gave your severed head to your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend! We're in an open relationship!" Nepeta leaps forward with a hiss.

**STRIFE!**

You dodge out the way and she goes sailing past you, imbedding her claws in the rock. Those things must be really sharp. You decide to avoid them to the best of your ability.

With all of your might, you take a swipe at her head. She ducks and pulls her claws from the rock a split second before you draw a neat line across its grey surface. A millisecond earlier and this fight would have been the shortest, but most satisfying one to date.

Nepeta is small, and fast too. Like a speeding bullet she rolls over the dirt to your side and digs her claws into your leg. The blades cut deep and are so sharp that you almost don't feel the metal until it brushes against your bone. Then you remember to scream.

"Augh! God-Damn!" You swipe at her again, but she dances away out of reach. "Fuck, I really hate you."

"Not as much as I hate you." She snarls, flexing her blood-stained claws. "You kicked me out of the group and at the Jive you totally didn't dance with me at all!"

"Yeah, because you're fucking insane!" You lunge and stab towards her head again, but she gracefully rolls out of the way once more. "Ugh! Stand still!"

"No!"

You drag your blade through the air again, hacking at her with quick strikes over and over again, each time missing her by inches. You chop a small rock in half, golf pebbles into the air, and bury your blade to the hilt in the dirt next to her head.

She rolls once more and bounces to her feet behind you, unleashing her own flurry of jabs into your exposed back. The sound of ripping fabric fills the air, along with your cries of rage and pain. This is not going well for you, not in the slightest.

Twisting wildly, you pull your sword from the ground and swing it in her direction again, only to receive another slice across the ribs for your troubles. You stumble into the nearest boulder and slide to the ground. Your sword slides from your grip and clatters to the dirt next to your knee.

"I never liked you, Strider." Nepeta pounces on your chest, not caring when her knee presses into your groin. "Never. Not even at the dance. Did I ever tell you that you're a terrible kisser?"

"Not my fault." You mutter. "You never opened your mouth wide enough to let me work my magic."

"That's gross."

"You're gross. I hate you."

Nepeta smiles and presses her claws to your neck.

"That's pawfully rude of you to say."

"Yeah," Your fingers wrap around your sword again. "And so is this!"

Much to Nepeta's surprise, you lunge towards her, slicing your neck against her claws in the process but succeeding in driving your sword up through her chest. The cut on your neck stings, but judging from the fact that you can still breathe alright, you decide that you'll live.

Nepeta gasps and reaches out towards you, as if to claw you some more. You quickly step out of reach though, pulling your sword free and allowing her to curl around herself on the ground like dried leaf.

"Th- that didn't even- make any sense." She wheezes.

"Yeah, well. Excuse me for not planning out any one-liners beforehand." You stand by Nepeta's side until she stops moving.

Then you pull Aradia's satchel off her neck and turn to continue your search for Rose and Eridan.

* * *

= Be Rose Lalonde

**STILL DAY THIRTY.**

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently running.

Eridan's laughter fills your ears, pushes its way into your skull and wraps around your brain like a powerful anaconda. He's enjoying himself, like everything is _fun_, like everything is some _big_ _game_. Your mother… burned to a crisp in his dark grip, his melodic voice, guiding you after him. It's all you can think about. It's all you _will_ think about.

That sound, that evil laughter, it could only ever come from someone who'd just accomplished an act they'd been thinking about for a long, long time. He wanted to hurt you and he did. Just like in the castle on LOWAS, so long ago, there is only murder in your heart. This time, John isn't here to stop you, to save you from yourself. Eridan is going to pay, _hard_.

Your slippers aren't meant for running flat out across the rocky ground like this. Hell, you don't know _what_ they were made for. All you know is that the smooth bottoms, more than once, send you sliding to your knees as you turn too sharply in pursuit of your prey.

You can hear his voice and his footsteps, bouncing off the rocks and the sky, guiding you after him. Eridan is leading you away from the ruined temple, towards some unknown destination. He could be leading you into some sort of trap, but you're too angry to be thinking rationally at the moment.

As you follow his voice over another hill, you find yourself at the top of a ravine, leading down to a crater of sorts. Eridan is at the bottom.

"Alone at last, Rose Lalonde." He raises his hand to you dramatically, as if asking you for a dance. "Come! Let us see who is the better- OH MY GOG!"

You shut him up with a quick spell that nearly tears that stupid haircut clean off his scalp. You're sprinting towards him now, dashing down the incline and towards the center of the crater.

**STRIFE!**

He blocks your next spell with a wave of his hand and responds in turn with his own blast of magical energy. You're quick to dispel it though, easily slicing your wands through the oncoming incantation as if you were swatting a fly.

For a moment, confidence gets to you. Eridan obviously hasn't been using the weeks after his attempted murder for wizard practice. He should know by now that it takes more than a few dramatic elements to make you a true magician. The moment vanishes when inky-black tentacles blast from his outstretched hand and surge towards you.

The Horrorterrors are truly on his side now.

You duck and fire more spells, warding off the eldritch influences as best as you can. If you fall into their grasp again, it seems unlikely that you'll the resolve to escape for a second time. You wonder if it wouldn't all be simpler if you had just succumbed to their will in the first place. Would you be stuck on this meteor? Would your mother be dead?

Twirling like the most elegant of dancers, you spin your wand like a baton and unleash a fierce barrage of mystical muscle in Eridan's direction. He squeals and tries to avoid it, but you're much too skilled for him to avoid it.

As Eridan is knocked off of his feet, you rush forward and pin him under your shoe. Shoving your wands under his chin, you ask the only question on your mind.

"Why?" You growl.

His Adam's apple shifts as he swallows, struggling to move around the wands pressing into his dark skin.

"Why what, Lalonde?" He spits. "Why did I come back for revenge? I'm pretty sure that's obvious, even to a pitiful human like you."

"No." You lean down, closer to his face. "Why did you kill _her_?"

"The woman? She was your adult female guardian, right? I'm pretty sure that counts as revenge."

"NO!" You wand sparks and singes his skin on accident. No one cares. "She was innocent! She didn't do anything wrong! She was just some woman who hasn't done anything wrong her entire life, nothing but have the misfortune of giving birth to _me_! And you- you just killed her!"

Eridan's mouth twists into a confident grin. He's finally broken through.

"Of course." He says. "I hate you, remember?"

With a feral roar, you jam your wand upwards as hard as you can, intending on skewering his head like marshmallow over a fire. However, as you do so, you encounter an unexpected resistance. As if his skin has now been replaced with a steel plate. Eldritch magic swirls around him in a dizzying spiral.

Eridan begins to laugh.

"Welcome back to the family, Rose Lalonde." He sneers.

You're confused by what he's saying until the dark tendrils, undulating from his black cloak begin to wrap around your arms and legs.

"No." You try to back away, but the darkness holds you close, pulling you towards Eridan. "No!"

You swipe with your wands once more but no magic comes to you. The tentacles have already laced around your hands, hindering your movements, and are now wrapping tenderly around your neck.

"_We'll never leave you, Rose Lalonde. Remember what we said? Together always."_

"NO!"

You hear the sound of an engine, a shrill shriek of anger, a strangled yell, and then you are coated in something hot and sticky. Purple blood.

You fall to your knees, as the eldritch horrors pull away from you, mere seconds before indoctrination was complete. Kanaya is standing in front of you now, on either side of her are the severed half's of Eridan's legs and torso, respectively.

"Ka- Kanaya." You gasp, suddenly her arms around you and pulling you to your feet.

She doesn't know yet. Kanaya doesn't understand. You grab at her sweater and clutch great fistfuls of the material as hard as you can, not caring as the fabric crinkles dangerously.

"It's alright, Rose." She sings. "Don't worry. I got him."

"D- Don't let me go dark." You cling to her. "Don't let me go dark again."

"We won't. You're safe now."

You're perceptive enough to know that Karkat is there too, cursing up a storm and investigating Eridan's corpse. Slowly, Kanaya begins to half support-half carry you back in the direction of the temple. You try to resist, but she's firm. You don't want to go back yet. You don't want to see that scarf on the floor next to the pile of ash.

"Who was on watch?" Karkat demands, stomping along next to you. "Was anyone keeping an eye out?! I mean for fucks sake we had a murderer running around out here."

"Leave her alone, Karkat. We'll discuss this when we get back."

He grumbles into silence, apparently Kanaya now wields some semblance of control over him. Even in your fractured state, you still make a mental note of that for later.

Nearing the temple, Kanaya comes to a halt. Karkat has spotted something.

"It's Nepeta." He says, kneeling down next to her. "Damn there's a lot of blood here, some of it's red. Strider must have caught up with her."

"Damn straight." Everyone turns to see Dave hobbling towards you over the rocks. "Christ, Rose. I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Not everywhere apparently." Karkat jabs. "It didn't cross your mind to go towards the magical explosions coming from that crater?"

"I was working my way there."

Dave comes up on your other side and pulls your other arm over his shoulders as well. Supported between Kanaya and Dave, you finally feel warmth start to creep into your chest once more, the warmth that had been sapped from the dark touch of Eridan's masters.

"Dave, you're hurt." You take in his bloodied leg, the cut on his neck, and the way he gingerly holds his side.

"Nothing too serious. You know me, Lalonde. I've got nine and a half lives in me." He and Kanaya start tugging you towards the temple once more. Karkat leads the way. "Eh, it's probably too soon to make cat jokes, huh?"

"Probably." You rest your head on his shoulder. "Dave."

"Yeah."

"Did you see? Did you see what happened to…"

"Yeah. I saw." His fingers dig into your side. "I'm sorry about your Mom, Rose."

"She- she was _our_ mom, Dave." You blink hard, fighting tears. You've made it this far, you can hold on a little while longer. "She was your mom too."

He's silent after that, holding his lips together in that impenetrable poker face that makes him so adept at the card game. You wish he didn't feel the need to hide behind those sunglasses all the time. If anyone deserves to know what he's really thinking, you think it's probably you.

As you near the temple, Terezi rushes out to meet you.

"Karkat!" She slams into him, causing him to stumble. "Are you alright? Did you see Eridan and Nepeta?"

"Yeah." He pushes her away. "Yeah we saw them. Where is everyone else?"

"Equius is inside and…" Terezi sniffs the air and turns towards you. "Dave." She brushes past Karkat and grabs onto your ecto-brother's sleeve. "Come on. He's asking for you."

"Equius?" Dave questions.

"No. The old man."

The whole group transitions to the inside of what is left of the temple. The ceiling is gone, giving way to the great expanse of stars. All of the dust has settled and everything is coated in what looks like black snow. In the very center, next to a pile of smashed, black rock, lies Harley with Equius crouched near his side. The old man's legs are horribly twisted and hastily patched with red, dripping bandages.

You can see instantly that Grandpa Harley won't be getting up anytime soon. Dave moves forward.

"Hey there, Harley." He says, taking Equius's place. "How's it going, Bro?"

"Eh, I'm just dandy, old boy. Just dandy." He chuckles and shifts on the broken ground. He coughs hard. "You look a little worse for wear yourself, Sonny."

"It's nothing." Dave shakes his head. "I'm fine."

"Right-o." Harley nods. "That's good, because I need you to do something for me."

"Sure. Whatever you want."

"I need you to take care of Jade for me."

You turn away. This is a not a scene that you feel like witnessing. This isn't your place. However, clinging to Kanaya, there's no way that you can convey your desire to leave without verbally catching her attention. Kanaya, just like everyone else, has her attention fixed on Harley and Dave.

"N-now don't start that bullshit. I'm gonna need your help with that job." Dave says, a little wobbly. "I d-dunno if I can do that all on my own. Jade's a handful in a half."

"I'm sure you'll manage."

"Come on, Harley. Get on up and let's get you fixed. You're alright. You're doing good, man."

"No. I think it's time I had a nice kip."

"Naw. No, no, no." Dave chuckles, shaking his head over and over. "Come on. Get up, Harley. You're good. You're so good. It's hard to even fathom how good you are right now."

Harley reaches up and grabs Dave by his shoulder, gripping his shirt tightly and smiling up at him. His large mustache is frazzled and his face is coated in dirt, but his eyes are so bright, like two brilliant green suns.

"Take care of yourself, Dave, and my Jade too."

"I can't. Harley, she needs you. You need to see her again. I'm not- I'm not good enough. I can't…"

"If you become a father one day, you'll understand." Harley presses his hand harder into Dave's shoulder, trying to stop the younger man from shaking so much. "_No man_ is good enough for your little girl… until one _is_."

"Come on…" Dave repeats. He grabs the front of Harley's shirt. "Come on. Don't be like this. _Don't_ talk like this."

Harley doesn't respond. He's already leaned back against the floor and closed his eyes.

You turn then, pulling from Kanaya's grasp and stumbling away across the floor. She turns after you, but you just shake your head. Right now you need to be alone.

You hear Dave behind you, talking to the assembled crew.

"What the fuck are yall doing?!" He shouts. "Do _something_!"

You don't stop moving forward, only pausing for the briefest of moments to collect your headband from where it was discarded earlier and once more to scoop up the forgotten scarf. You're legs are still unsteady underneath you, but you force your way through the weakness, wobbling like a drunk.

You have enough strength to stagger through the front entrance of the ruined temple and to the outer wall. You slump to the ground, fold the scarf over your lap and slide your headband over your head. With practiced ease, you slide your bang out of your face and position the blue band perfectly on your crown.

With a small _flick_, a green lens positions itself in front of your left eye. After three rings, he doesn't answer. No surprise there. This time though, instead of hanging up dejectedly, you begin to talk.

"Hey, John." You begin. "It's, Rose. I don't know when you'll receive this message, or if you ever will. I've tried reaching you before of course, we all have, but you and Jade never seem to be able to come to the phone. Haha. Right now, I'm not expecting a different result. I just really need to talk to you."

You massage your forehead with your bloodied fingers and take a deep breath.

"I- I don't know how to tell you this, but I think we're done here. I think we've hit the wall, struck rock bottom, fallen from grace, whatever you like. I don't know if there's anything left to do besides sit here and wait. For what, you ask? I don't know… Help? Rescue? For it all to just… end?"

The scarf in your lap is torn and you fiddle absentmindedly with a loose string.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. It's only been… minutes and it feels as if so much time has passed. I miss you John. I miss you and Jade so much. I feel- I feel like there's a hole."

And there is.

You close your eyes and press the back of your head against the temple wall.

"My mother is dead. Jade's Grandpa is dead. You're probably dead too and… I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. If you're not dead, John, if you're actually alive: please come here as soon as possible. We need you now more than ever."

The stars are twinkling above you, happy to just exist, floating about in space as swirling balls of fiery gas. There are voices inside the temple, people are arguing, pointing fingers and passing blame, a few are probably crying. Someone is asking for you, Kanaya? Dave? You don't care.

"John." You squeeze your eyes shut, but that doesn't stop the tears. "Just… Please."

**END OF ACT FOUR.**

* * *

**So ends act 4. Mom and Grandpa are dead, Rose misses her friends, Dave murdered Nepeta, and hey, Kanaya sawed Eridan in half finally. That's a thing. Act 5 will start being posted on Sunday, so stick around if you're interested in that. Act 5 will primarily be John and Jade stuff, but by mid-way though the whole gang should be reunited. Then maybe The Scratch will happen.**

**Maybe.**

**Thanks for reading.**  
**- Mike**


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